Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 47
Sign: Taurus
City: Phoenix
State: Arizona
Signup Date: 5/21/2005
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November 1, 2009 - Sunday 6:55 PM
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Current mood:  amused
Category: Blogging
Halloween has come and gone for another year. Last night, all the ghouls and goblins were out on their Annual Candy Scavenger Hunt, some little some not so little. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't the costumed scavengers that were the most frightening. It was their mothers...at least SOME of their mothers. Lemme 'splain... They say, "A picture is worth a thousand words", so let me shorten my blog by that amount with this photo... [img] http://messdressed.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/muffin-top-taking-things-to-a-whole-new-level-demotivational-poster.jpg[/img] THIS is the problem. Ladies...if you look like this, baring your mid-riff is NOT an option. I don't CARE if you just got a new "tramp stamp" and you want to show it of, the answer is, "NO". Last night, I could have sworn I saw this woman a half-dozen times. It was in the 80's last night when the trick or treaters were out. I saw more bare mid-riffs than a magician doing the "cut a woman in half" trick and only about THREE of them weren't "overfilling the pan", if you get my drift. [img] http://laist.com/attachments/la_malingering/my%20favorite.jpg[/img] This is exactly what I'm talking about. If she had a body like THIS: [img] http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_avc9_18Dtso/SZR04XXLLsI/AAAAAAAAA5M/7siNuRbdr1c/s400/yummie+tummie+2.jpg[/img] nobody would be trying to gouge their eyes out with a spork right now. Then there's this poor guy who wonders why his gas mileage sucks so badly: [img] http://gary-davison.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/muffin1.bmp[/img] What causes "muffin tops"? Why, muffin tops, of course! [img] http://www.slimsisters.com/images/vitatops-triple-choc-chunk.jpg[/img] Of course, muffin tops aren't limited to women... [img] http://bp3.blogger.com/_aTP1dJopEM4/RhvRakA0H7I/AAAAAAAAABM/C6UP5PVPSoA/s1600-h/grannyskinny.jpg[/img] I'm not sure which is worse in the above photo...gramps with his silver haired muffin top or granny with those frisbees she has stuck under her top. (SHUDDER) If you've ever wondered what, "In complete denial" looks like, NOW you KNOW. Here's a FIIINE group of gentlemen, celebrating the two things that define a man after the age of 45...man boobs and male-muffin tops: [img] http://jeffreyhill.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341d417153ef010536b00cce970c-pi[/img] I have to go...my "Double Chocolate Chunk Caramel Walnut Muffins" are done... 
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October 30, 2009 - Friday 2:31 AM
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Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging
Okay...just when I was about to let myself be convinced that Wal-Mart really WASN'T "The Great Satan", they go and do THIS:
http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2009/10/28/20091028casketsales.htmlWalmart Starts Selling Caskets, Urns Online
Yes, you read that headline right. Wal-Mart is now selling caskets and funerary urns.
People wonder why this amazes me and why I find it to be so...well...so WRONG. It's quite simple, really. Stop and think about it. Would YOU want your Dearly Departed to spend eternity in something you got online as a "Rollback Special"? More importantly, would THEY approve? And then I wondered...would Sam Walton approve?
Let's look at how these MIGHT be marketed and you tell me...
"Wal-Mart...we've rolled back the prices on death!"
"Now even death is cheaper at Wal-Mart!"
"Shop early for the best online selection! Wal-Mart's 'A-Tisket, a-Tasket, We've Got Your Brand New Casket!' Sale starts Friday!"
You see what I mean? How dignified is that? And even scarier, Wal-Mart has now become a truly "From Cradle to Grave" Merchandizer.
You start out life coming into this world as a newborn. A doctor slaps you on the ass and things go downhill from there. Your parents registered at Wal-Mart so they have all their "Baby Needs"...diapers, formula, onesies, moist towelettes, booties, binkys, blankies and bottles. They are good to go and you, you lucky little rascal, are a new Wal-Mart Customer in Training!
You get to take it pretty easy during those first few years. Your folks get all the powders and lotions for your baby needs. They get the soothing syrups for you when your "Equate" Formula upsets your tummy and makes you cranky with cholic. They apply the "Equate" Baby Lotion to your little bottom when those "Great Value" diapers start giving you Diaper Rash. They get on a first name basis with the Pharmacist because they can get all their (and your) prescription medicine needs for 4 bucks a pop in the "It's as good as the Name Brand" Generic Prescriptions!
And now we are a Toddler...
You enjoy your Great Value Apple Juice from a Rubbermaid Sippee Cup and eat your Great Value Oatmeal or Dry Cereal with nary a care in the world. Your entertainment needs are met by the Durabrand TV, the Playskool toys and the soft but cuddly stuffed animals you drag around, chew on and throw at the cat.
And so it goes, through the school years...your clothes, toys, school supplies, bikes, shoes and assorted bric-a-brac all purchased for you or BY you at your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart. And the cycle doesn't end there. After college, you meet someone, fall in love and get married. You register your wedding gift requests at Wal-Mart, just like your mom and dad did when THEY got married!
You get excited when you see all the gifts at your Wedding Shower. And no worries if you get six blenders, three toasters and a shoetree that you didn't even ask for. You can take them in to Wal-Mart and get store credit for them all! The money is all placed on a handy, dandy Wal-Mart Gift Card that you can use for anything in the store! You decide to use the money to buy a beautiful Sauder plastic woodgrain veneered particleboard ENTERTAINMENT CENTER! And it comes "conveniently packed" in a large, flat box. Not only are your Entertainment Center needs met by Wal-Mart but they have also provided you with "Argument Material" for when you and your spouse attempt to put the thing together! Those clever Wal-Mart folks! They always seem to know exactly what you need and at just the right time, too!
The resulting argument leads to each of you discovering that neither of you is like you were when you were dating. In search of solace, you go looking for a book on relationships at...say it with me!...WAL-MART!! They just have EVERYTHING!! And you each lay in bed later that night reading your respective books and try to figure out when and how the person you married has turned into a complete and total jerk/shrew. And the beat goes on...
Now you're in your 70's. You've been a faithful Wal-Mart customer for over 70 years. You've gotten all your clothes, food, drink, and general "stuff" at the big Blue on Blue Building with all the happy, shiny people inside it. You see a notice at the counter when you pick up your medication. You heard about it on the news but weren't sure you had heard it correctly. But there it is..."Use your Wal-Mart Visa Card and buy your casket NOW! Take up to TWELVE MONTHS TO PAY WITH NO INTEREST! Go to www.walmart.com for MORE details!" You read the words and see the happy, smiling elderly couple gazing at the caskets and funerary urns at the website. You decide to take advantage of it because it will, "make it easier for the kids when we go".
And, sadly, a few years later, you both pass on. Your kids call the funeral home and they send a hearse for you and your "box" that you've had sitting covered in the garage. It's a beautiful "Executive Privilege" model with brass trim and padded interior with white lace. With it, you're guaranteed to be the envy of every corpse in the Funeral Home.
And so it goes. You have literally been a Wal-Mart Customer...for LIFE...and now, thanks to the Internet, into the AFTERLIFE as well.
Oh! And have a Happy Halloween! 
 | Currently listening:
Halloween Hits
By Various Artists
Release date: 1991-07-30 |
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September 30, 2009 - Wednesday 6:39 PM
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Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging
"Which came first…The Chicken or the Egg?" Obviously, there are two possible answers and both deserve a little exploring before we plop ourselves down firmly on either side of the "Chicken/Egg Controversy".
Answer One: The Chicken came first.
Theology aside, this is a legitimate possibility. Eggs come from chickens, so, logically the chicken had to come first. But why did the chicken need to lay an egg? Was it to procreate the Chicken Race or was it because the chicken was bored after discovering that the scenery was just the same on one side of the road as the other? Did it make the chicken feel any sort of pride at the time? If they were the only chicken in the world up to that time, who was the chicken going to show its egg off to?
Of course, being the World's First Chicken came with Great Responsibilities. It had to not only protect itself from predators but now it had an egg...an extension of itself...to protect. Not only did it have to protect the egg from 4 legged predators, but it also had to be on the lookout for the two legged ones as well. Obviously, this egg could not survive on its own since it had no eyes to see with or legs to run with. So, after much pampering, coddling and protecting it from poachers, one day the egg hatched and suddenly the chicken wasn't alone anymore! It now had a constantly peeping, continuously hungry, yellow ball of fluff to protect. This was an improvement over the egg, but not much. Even though it had eyes and legs, it couldn't see very well or run very fast. Not only that, but it was DEMANDING! It always seemed to be in need of food or comfort or just some snuggle time. Despite the inconvenience this caused, the chicken was willing to put up with it because...well....because this little ball of demanding fluff was a part of itself. Besides that, it was too cute to get annoyed with, even if it did peep constantly.
After this, the chicken laid more eggs and had more chicks that, in turn, grew up and (if they were female) laid their own eggs and the cycle continued. A two legged predator known as "Man" appeared on the scene one day and the chickens had to learn how to hide and protect their eggs. This was because Man had discovered Fire and also discovered that eggs tossed in the fire were much better than the eggs that weren't. Legend has it that the first Egg ever eaten was by a man named "Oog" in One Million B.C. Because he lost a bet during a Turtle Race, Oog had to eat the first thing he saw pop out of a chicken's ass as a forfeit. The discovery that "Chicken Ass Balls" (as Man was want to call Eggs) were delicious when cooked was an epiphany. This led to a wholesale slaughter of unborn chickens because Man needed his morning, "Adam and Eve on a Raft".
Despite this, there were eventually many, many chickens that were all descended from the First Chicken...a mystic being that is still venerated by chickens to this very day.
Answer Two: The Egg Came First.
There are others who will insist that the Egg came first. While it is in this writers opinion that this view point is sheer lunacy, it is still worthy of being explored.
If the Egg did indeed come first, who protected it? Let's assume that one day, there was nothing on top of a primordial sand dune and the next day, POOF, there's an Egg. Assuming that God did create the world and everything on it, who do you suppose He had watch out over the egg and protect it? God was awfully busy in those days...creating planets and stars out of nothing isn't as easy as it sounds, even if you ARE Omnipotent. He didn't have Time to look out for this Egg thing He had created so the egg was left to its own devices as it sat there quietly on the sand dune, being warmed by the newly formed Sun.
As eggs go, the First Egg was nothing spectacular. It wasn't flashy or showy and it didn't hold an opinion, political or otherwise. On the contrary, the First Egg was quite plain. A simple white ovoid shape nestled snugly in its sandy nest being ignored by both God and His creatures. It was a happy time for the First Egg even though it wasn't aware of its happiness since eggs are not self-aware as a general rule.
After many days on the sand dune, the First Egg began to move. It rocked back and forth and, had there been anyone near enough to hear it, began emitting loud, peeping sounds similar to what would later be known as a, "Smoke Alarm with a Low Battery". Suddenly, the shell of the egg cracked open and out emerged two little bird-like feet! As soon as its feet hit the sand, the First Egg began to hop. That sand was HOT!! As a result of its hopping, the First Egg got overbalanced and fell over, rolling down the sand dune and into a large rock in the process. When the Egg hit the rock, the shell broke open completely and out emerged the World's First Chicken!
Like its previous state as First Egg, the First Chicken wasn't much to look at. It was a yellow ball of fluff balanced on top of two legs that were much too short to allow it to get anywhere fast. The First Chicken then decided to get off the hot sand and cross a newly Created road into the grassy shade. This took several minutes for the little chick, but she made it. From that point on, the First Chicken made it a policy to not set foot on the hot sand. It spent all of its time in the woods under the cool shade trees and walked on the soft grass, eating various bugs, worms and the occasional grass seed.
One day, while in its usual spot under a large oak tree near a small stream, the First Chicken fell asleep. When it awoke, it discovered something hard under itself. When the chicken got up and looked, she discovered a small, white ovoid shaped "thing". For some strange reason she felt compelled to protect it and keep it warm. While she sat on the egg to protect it, she talked to it, sang to it, rolled it over and generally made its Egg Life as easy as possible. The First Chicken had vague memories of the hot sand dune and swore that nothing that was a part of her would ever have to deal with that. Her Egg would enter into life better off than she had been. It would be loved, protected, taught and coddled in a way that she herself had not been. All of which goes to show that even chickens have notions of giving their offspring a better life than what they themselves had.
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September 24, 2009 - Thursday 5:23 AM
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Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging
Ladies...this blog is directed at you primarily, but guys...feel free to chime in if you like.
First of all, I'd like to apologize on behalf of our gender for one of us having made the now famous quote, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" back in the Mists of Antiquity. Of course, a woman got her licks in by making a similar quote about us men..."Why buy the whole pig if all you're after is a little sausage?" It's THIS quote that brings me back to the title of today’s essay. Are all of us men viewed in general as 'pigs' by women? I can't see why we should be. I mean, after all, we're honest to a fault. You complain to us and we'll respond. We really DO listen. You just think we don't because we don't say what you wanna hear. Here are a few examples of some of the standard complaints women have about us...along with our answers to those complaints.
1. "He won't put down the toilet seat". "You're a big girl. Look and see if the seat's down before you plop your butt down on it. If it’s up, put it down!"
2. "He's always 'finished' just when I'm getting warmed up!" "This is a two party deal, sweetie. Just because you're still pissed that the Office Boy got you a Double Espresso instead of a Double Latte' this morning is no reason for ME to have to go to the "Friction Burned Groin Ward" at the hospital!"
3. "He leaves his underwear and clothes wherever he drops them". "Yes, I do. And do you know WHY? It's because I refuse to undress in the laundry room and dash naked from there to the shower! And, by the way, the bathroom is NOT ‘wherever’. My dirty clothes are right there on the bathroom floor next to the laundry hamper."
4. "He's not the same man he was when I married him". "That's true. I'm 20 years older now than I was then and I'm lucky I can still get ME up in the mornings, much less get ‘Mini Me’ up. And here's a news flash for ya, Toots...strip naked and stand in front of a mirror and tell me all of YOUR 'assets' are still in the same place they were 20 years ago! At this point, for me, that 'Until death do us part' thing has gone from being a 'vow' to a 'Personal Goal', okay?"
5. "He used to care about how he looked when we went out. Now he just wears whatever he can find. It's SO embarrassing!" "Got another News Flash for ya… 'Rumpled and relaxed' is more comfortable than 'starched and uptight'. And speaking of 'rumpled'...how come you stopped wearing make-up?"
As you can see, there might be a reason for women to view men as 'pigs' in general...but I can't for the LIFE of me figure out why. It must be that "Mars/Venus" thing. Or maybe it's just hormones. They complain, we respond, they go spend a few days with their Mother. My thought on the matter is this...if you don't want our input, don't complain to us. We're MEN. It's Hard Wired into our DNA for us to be sloppy, unkempt, lazy jerks. We've earned the right to be this way....even as far back as Prehistory.
Prehistoric woman? She complained. She complained about us tracking in mud on the cave floor, about our eating with our hands and about our refusing to eat the Lemon Grass and Wild Lettuce Salad she had prepared to go with our plate of Barbecued Brontosaurus Ribs.
She even complained when it was time to put the fire out at night. We were "being crass and uncouth" she said, simply because we put the fire out in the most efficient way....by peeing on it. This is also why Modern Man always has to go pee right before going to bed. It's another Hard Wired thing from our prehistoric past.
So, you see ladies, it's not really our fault. You can't expect us to overcome several million years of evolution and habit in just few years. Don't view us as 'pigs'...take pity on us and view us as 'creatures of habit'. And, while you're doing that, could you fetch us a beer from the 'fridge, Toots?
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August 26, 2009 - Wednesday 9:38 PM
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Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging
You've seen them on the streets. They cut across class, color and culture. They offend by their very existence, yet they are not shot on sight. With rock salt…right square in the ass. I'm talking about all these "individualists" who are walking around with their pants bagging down to the point that the upper ....half to two thirds of their underwear (or sometimes, naked butt) is showing.
Well, vengeance has finally arrived in some states and will hopefully go nationwide before too much longer. In ........Louisiana, it is now a crime, punishable by a 500 dollar fine and up to 6 months in jail for "exposing underwear in public". And no, that's not being applied to plumbers, electricians or guys who at 40 still think they can squeeze into the same pants they could at 18. Of course, this is causing all sorts of strife in ........Louisiana. Cities in other states have passed similar ordinances, but LA is the only state that has attached actual jail time to the law.
Of course, the ACLU hysterics are already trying to make this a "race issue" because they claim it's "...mainly black men who wear their pants like that. This is a form of Racial Profiling!" Ummm...NO. I live in Phoenix and we have white guys, Latino guys and even a few oriental guys walking around with their pants looking like they're 3 sizes too big and have rocks in the pockets. I don't know where these ACLU nuts are but they obviously need their vision checked!
Or....maybe they're saying that all guys who wear their pants like that, "look alike"? Hmmmmm....
All I can say about this law is that if they're gonna go after Mr. Baggy Pants then they also need to go after Madam Spandex El Grande as well, okay? I mean fair's fair. It is my firm belief that after a certain weight or age or both is reached, Spandex no longer exists as a "Right". It becomes a "Privilege". Some of you have read my encounter with the 400 pound woman who was wearing shocking pink Spandex running shorts, so you know what I'm sayin' here. I think even those of you who HAVEN'T seen that blog can still relate. (I still get Full Body Shudders when that image flashes through my mind....Brrrrrrr!!!)
Atlanta got the ball rolling and now cities in other states are following suit. One school official in one city was quoted as saying that they, "...HAD to get this under control before the elementary kids start doing it..." Here's a thought for this "School Official"...make sure Junior's folks are buying him jeans that FIT.
And how about throwing a belt or some suspenders in there to complete the ensemble?
Bottom line (no pun intended) is that parents need to step up to the plate and be more aware of how their kids are looking...and how that "look" is being viewed by the General Public.
Now get out there and get those pants pulled up!
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August 24, 2009 - Monday 7:19 PM
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Category: Blogging
Most of you know that I was diagnosed with Panic & Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression back in October of 2001. A few of you were concerned with a status posting I made a few days back (very few of you, but no matter) and posted words of encouragement. I appreciate that and thank you for showing that you care. Let me tell you a bit of what's been going on in my life to bring you up to speed and why my moods have been "fluctuating".
Thanks to the current economy, I have no health insurance. Because of that, I'm unable to get certain medications filled, one of which is my anti-depressant. The anti-depressant the doctor insists that I take costs close to 300 dollars a month. Even if that was the ONLY medication I took, there's no way I could swing that without winning the lottery. Consequently, I've been "off my meds" for approximately 3 months. Now that the anti-depressant is completely out of my system, I've come to the realization that I really AM in need of an anti-depressant.
Because of my illness (and yes, due my diagnosis, I AM classified and categorized as 'Mentally Ill') and no medication, I'm having more mood swings than a woman who is pregnant and "going through The Change" at the same time. I go from total, near suicidal sadness to crying, to frustration, to anger, to rage to ripping complete strangers (and some acquaintenances) a new rectal orafice on a chat board I frequent to wanting to "break stuff" over the course of any given day. I now have problems putting my thoughts down in an organized fashion without having to go back and do major revisions, corrections, etc. which eprives me of the joy I get from writing. Not EVERY day is like this, but when it happens on average of 4 out of 7 days at a time, even *I* know something's not right.
It's a long, convoluted story of how I got to where I'm at, but the trigger was the bombing of the Twin Towers on 9/11/01. The buiding I worked in had a federal office and, as a result, I had to be "frisked" everytime I came in to work. After a week of this, it got that I would have to rush to the mens room and vomit after I would get "felt up, frisked down and otherwise manhandled" to prove that I wasn't some gun-toting "terr'ist" on a mission to overthrow the country by attacking a no-name government office. After two more weeks of this, I had a complete breakdown at my jobsite and had to be hospitalized for a few days, It was at that time I was given my diagnosis, along with a secondary diagnosis of "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" caused by the constantly repeated showings of the Towers crumbling to the ground. Becauise of that, I LOATHE the "commemorations" of 9/11 Think of me what you will, but reliving that event every year like it was some sort of sick holiday is, to me, the most asinine and sick act this coungtry has ever done. I even turn off the radio when Toby Kieth comes on with his money-making "tribute song". It disgusts me.
I'm saying all that to say this...no matter what your belief system is no amount of prayer, fasting, self-flagellation or any other form of "Religious Voodoo" that *I* can do is going to change anything. While your offers of prayer and support are apprreciated, you may want to use them on someone that they might do some good on because, unless God is willing to give me an injection that will correct the chemical imbalance in my brain, erase the memories of the awful upbringing I had and is willing to make an emplyer "take a chance" and hire me, even part time, there is no way I'm going to be able to get and KEEP a job. The stress level gets to me, the people I deal with, pardon my French, piss me off to no end and the fact that I'm being told how to do a job I've done for almost 30 years by a KID who wasn't even a gleam in the milkmans eye when I started in the job force is enough to make even a sane man want to start ripping off heads and defecating down the holes.
I've been accused by a couple of people of being on a "24 hour pity party". I would invite them to say that to my face and see exactly how much "pity" I'd show them. To them, all I need is to "get my sh*t together", ot "I need to get back in church" or "I need to get OUT of church" or...and thisis the best one..."give in to the idea of killing yourself because you have absolutely no value or use to anyone the way you are."
Nice, huh? The only thing that actually STOPPED me from stepping in front of a semi the other day was the fear that the Catholics MIGHT be right about the spiritual destination of those who kill themselves. My life has sucked bad enough without having to deal with a bunch of "demons" wanting to give me a ration of crap for eternity.
So, the next time you see me or someone else who is going through a bout of depression, DON'T insult them or their illness by telling them they need "Jesus", "A Holy Ghost Enema" or any one of a number of "spiritual snake oil cures". Simply understand that without the doctor prescribed medicine they need, no amount of laying on of hands, beating or casting out of supposed "demons" or having a "stronger faith in God" is all they need to get by. If a simplistic approach like that works for YOU, great...but don't expect it to be the Ultimate Cure-All for EVERYONE. Even in the bible, God and Jesus didn't work that way. Some people are MEANT to be like they are...apparently this is a source of amusement for God and He doesn't want to "fix" all of His toys. But hey, He's God...who's gonna tell HIM what HE HAS to do?
Anyway, thats where I'm at, spiritually and mentally. Right now I feel completely cold toward God. Not hatred..just coldness. I have no idea how much longer I'll be in this mental place. I may be "fixed for a while" starting tomorrow or it may go on for another 6 months, I have no idea. If you wish to pray for me, feel free. Specifically pray that I somehow get the money to be able to buy the meds I need. Praying that I have the right Lottery Numbers to win the lottery would be a definite plus.
Thanks for taking time to read this,
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August 14, 2009 - Friday 2:45 AM
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Music has lost another fantastic artist, a REAL legend and, quite possibly, the greatest guitarist EVER. Lester William Polfuss, better known as Les Paul, inventor of the solid body electric guitar, country/swing/jazz guitarist and an inspiration to generations of later guitarists such as Pete Townsend, Al DiMeola, Jimmy Page, Slash, Jeff Beck, and Gary Rossington passed away at his White Plains, NY residence today at the age of 94 due to complications from pneumonia.
He was born in Waukesha, WI in 1915 and had always been interested in "sound". By the time he was 13, he had made his first attempt at the amplification of a stringed instrument by placing a telephone receiver under the strings of his acoustic guitar. He was unhappy with the outcome because it only amplified two of the six strings and even then wasn't amplified enough. He tried again using a phonograph needle and got the result he was looking for: amplification of all 6 strings. For all intents and purposes, Les Paul was playing the protoype of the electric guitar in 1929.
After a stint with Fred Waring and The Pennsylvanians, Paul formed "The Les Paul Trio" with fellow musicians Jim Atkins and a bassist named Ernie Newton in the late 1930's and played for singers such as the Andrews Sisters, Nat "King" Cole and Bing Crosby before striking out on his own just prior to World War II.
While still looking for his "sound", in 1941 Les paul created something he called, "The Log". It was simply a 4 x 4 piece of wood with steel strings but what it would later become would turn Les Paul into a National Icon. To make the instrument look less like a plank with wires and more like a musical instrument, Paul attached "wings" to either side of the plank to give it a more traditional "guitar" shape. Using Paul's basic idea, Leo Fender came out with the first, mass produced electric guitar (the Broadcaster) in the late 1940's and the new "electric" guitar soon replaced the simple "amplified" guitar as it gained greater popularity and acceptance with musicians and bands of the day.
Gibson, Fenders main competitor, approached Les Paul about manufacturing a model that would, if not beat Fender in the marketplace, at least keep Leo Fender busy looking over his shoulder. Paul agreed with the idea and presented a prototype to the folks at Gibson who, in turn, started production of the first "Les Paul" models in 1952.
While Les was busy inventing and refining his musical instrument, he was also busy inventing new sounds and new ways to capture those sounds in the studio. Following the war, after being given a tape recorder as a gift from Bing Crosby, Paul started searching again for his elusive "sound". Having already had some experience in using a tape recorder of his own creation, Paul took the gift and added an additional playback head which resulted in the creation of what is now called "Tape Echo". Not only did this give a recording a more "live" feel, but it could also be used to emulate different playing environments.
Starting in 1948, Paul began a relationship with Capitol Records not only as an "artist" but also as a "creative engineer". Les Paul was the first person to use "multiple tracks" in a recording session, the first to use a now taken for granted process called "over-dubbing" and the first to use "reverb" as a legitimate sound technique. From those boyhood days in Waukesha, Paul drew on what time, experience and practice had taught him and brought them into the Atomic Age.
Starting in 1949, with his wife Mary Ford (Colleen Summers), Paul developed his initial invention of "overdubbing" and "multi-tracking". His invention that resulted in multi-tracking was to take eight single-track (mono) tape heads, stack them one on top of the other, and have them come together at one common output. The resulting "Eight Track Tape" allowed for not only the ability to layer musical instruments one on top of the other, but voices as well. To hear samples of how well this "primitive" version of the multitrack recorder worked, I would simply point the reader to songs such as "How High the Moon", "Voya Con Dios" and "Mockingbird Hill". And yes, all three of those songs, along with many others by Les & Mary were chart hits.
A few weeks ago we lost a musician that many called a "Legend". Let's not be too hard on them. Many of them didn't know who Les Paul was. As far as they knew, he was just a name on a guitar. But for those of us who KNOW...those of us who KNEW...who and what Les Paul was, WE know who the REAL "Legend in His Own Time" was. You gave us better than 70 years of your talent, ability and humility, Les. You did a fantastic amount of work and you were a positive influence on more musicians than anyone can count. There are not many who can say that about themselves and you, bless your old heart, never did. You just went quietly about your business of making people happy and being "The Best Damn Guitar Player in the World". YOU never called yourself that...that was the title those of us who knew your work laid on you. You can rest easy, Lester. You did a great job and the world is a better place because of you and your constant search for "sound".
Rest in peace, brother...
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August 13, 2009 - Thursday 6:14 AM
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Current mood: amused
I've gotten letters, messages, e-mails and bricks with scribbling on them thrown through my window all saying the same thing: "When the hell are you going to WRITE some more? We MISS you!" It's nice to know that I've been missed...although it was even nicer to have been missed by that brick that came crashing through my window.
It HAS been a while and for that I'm sorry. Life has a nasty way of screwing up my time, time that could be better spent writing about my daily trials, tribulations, observations and personal dealings with weirdness in general. Not to mention a lot more fun.
Here is just one of a few things that have been going on...
Back in May, I started working a temp job that involved answering phone calls from people regarding the Digital Transition which happened on June 12th. Now that that job is over, I can tell you all the stuff I was "sworn to secrecy to". The job was handled through a 3rd party, a company in Tempe, who managed to get a contract awarded to them from the FCC. Let me say here and now that that the information given on ANY FCC site is about as helpful as flagman with no arms. You go to their webpage which tells you to click a link which in turn takes you to ANOTHER webpage which, if you can't find your answer THERE tells you to either write a letter to the FCC or call a number...which happened to be the number to the center that I worked at.
I have now decided that the only types of jobs that are worth having are ones in which you work as contract labor for the government. I had an eight hour shift. I was getting paid 17.06 an hour, five days a week. I took an average of 10 calls per shift. We were never sent home early. We were never given "busy work" to fill the time. We got paid to sit and talk to each other and occasionally answer a call that took (on average) 90 seconds to resolve. I can honestly say that not only was that the BEST job I've ever had but it was also the first job I've ever had where I felt like I was actually getting paid what I (in my opinion) was worth. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and so did that job about 2 weeks after the transition was completed. The nice thing was that we were the last office closed because we were "doing such a great job".
One of the job aids we were given was a form that we HAD to fill out in the unlikely event of a bomb threat. I kept a copy of this supposedly "proprietary memo" because it was so pitifully stupid. Here is the memo, in its entirety:
THREATS AGAINST FCC OR OTHER ENTITY
Please Complete Form Your name_________________ Your Supervisor__________________
CALLER'S phone mumber as displayed on your phone: (___)____-_____
Date of Call_____________ Time of Call (please include your time zone)_________
Ask the following questions IN ORDER and write down the callers responses:
1. "I want to make sure I heard you correctly. Did you say you were going to (bomb, ram, open fire on...) the FCC? Is this correct?"
2. "So that innocent people don't get hurt, I will need the following information."
3. "Can you please tell me when you are going to do this?"
4. "Can you please tell me the location (of the bomb, where you are, etc.?)"
5. "Can you please tell me why you are going to (repeat threat) the FCC?"
6. "Can you please describe (the bomb, weapon, car, etc.?"
That was it. We were supposed to be POLITE and remain CALM when and if such a thing as this occurred (it never did). However, if this had ever happened to ME, this list would have been the last thing on my mind, okay? Someone calls me and says, "I'm gonna blow the place to hell and back", I'm going to immediately lose bowel control and then head for the nearest exit followed by jumping into the nearest ditch I can find and hope that my co-workers understood me when I ran out screaming hysterically, "BOMB THREAT! GET OUT NOW!!" Bombs are one of the very few things that can send me into full-blown "girly man mode". The only other things are very large men with even bigger guns...and snakes....and big, hairy spiders.
"Can you please...?" Pffft!! How about, "Can you please wait until Sunday when the building is empty?" THAT would be a more proper question to ask, I should think. Or, better yet, "Can you please bomb that survivalist whackjob from down the street? Unless, of course, you ARE that survivalist whackjob from down the street....You are?...Oh. Well, of course I meant "survivalist whackjob" in the nicest way possible...."
And that was just one of my many "Adventures in Weirdness" over the Summer. What a long, strange time it's been, indeed!
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August 9, 2009 - Sunday 7:58 PM
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Category: Art and Photography
Click the link below. If MySpazz blocks it, message me and I'll see what I can do. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/johnny.k.young?ref=profileClick the "Photos" Tab to see pics from our recent roadtrip.
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June 26, 2009 - Friday 12:22 AM
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Current mood:  bouncy
Category: Art and Photography
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