Hi, sorry it has been so long, and really this isn't a funny blog in anyway (although it kind of is), You see, I just did some shows in Sydney and Brisbane and as I was coming back from the airport, my taxi driver let me off near my house my phone fell out of my pocket. Into a sewer grate. And now I have no phone, but I am getting one. But I've lost all my numbers. If you are reading this and you think that your number would be in my phone, could you message me and let me know what your phone number is. That would be tops.

Thanks
Josh

P.S. The gigs were great, thanks for asking

Here is an interview for Penthouse Magazine that I just did, some of it is old stuff but thopught i'd post it here just in case they edit it. Also this way you don't have go nervously into a newsagent to buy Penthouse magazine just to see the article.

Josh Earl is bringing SexyBack (to Libraries)

For the last four years Josh Earl has been a librarian. Although he doesn't look it (for this photo he took his glasses off and let his hair out) he works in a library for a school in Melbourne. Because this is Penthouse he can't actually name that school, in fact he's not even allowed to say the suburb in which it's located, but he can say it rhymes with Scollingwood.

Being a Librarian, women must think you're smart; do you get much attention from the ladies?
Librarians never tell. We hardly even speak, we're not allowed to.

Come on, you can tell us…
All I can say is that we do it quietly and in order.

With nerds becoming quite trendy what do you think it is that attracts people to Librarians?
Did you know that if you type cool into predictive text it actually spells book. Why? Because books are cool! Predictive text told me, so it must be true. Predictive text never gets things wrong.

Like most nerds do you get frustrated when people use grammar incorrectly?
The only thing that irritates me is when people use quotation marks "incorrectly". I think people are too precious about language. At work part of my job is to put up the 'Library is Closed' sign (hello ladies!), but because I work with kids I have to write so they can understand. So I modified it to read "In the words of Snoop Dogg -The Librizzle is Closizzled Todizzle" yeah, that's right, I went there.

Being a librarian you must love Melville Dewey for creating the Dewey Decimal System?
Attention, by checking Dewey every Friday (Googling him) it justifiably kept labelling Melville (not often publicised) quite racist. So, therefore, ultimately, vis-à-vis, wankers xenophobic. Yeah, Zany.

Wow, you just made an entire sentence where every word started with the next letter in the alphabet (a…b…c…etc)?
I have a lot of free time in the library.

An idea!

This isn't a joke but more of a plan. I'm really good at covering books alright, and i thought, what could be a cool thing to do would be if people have books that they need covering they could pay me in a mix tape or CD (no money) I could cover your book(s) for you, like how it would work is that you could message me with like "Covering Emergency" as the header, we organise to meet up, you give me your books (Text Books, School Books, novels etc) and a mix CD of songs that you like (Make sure they're songs you like, your favourite songs) and I'll cover them for you.
Just an idea

Aloha,
By checking Dewey every friday (Googling him) it, justifiably, kept labelling Melville (not often publicised) quite racist. So then, ultimately, vis-a-vis, wanker's xenophobic. Yeah, zany!

That is an anagram

Here is another one, this one took me half an hour

Look I Became Rather Annoyed Regarding Yesterday. If Students Cleaned Library Occasionally (Something Extraordinarily Doubtful) Therefore Opening Denied. Agreed? Yes.

(Don..t understand? Just read the first letter of every word)

At my work I sometimes have to go over to the printer, and what ever hasn't been picked up I place in the recycling, first checking it to see if it's important. One day after a year nine class had been using the computers I found this. The following transcript has not been altered in any way

"Rights of Gay and Lesbian getting married

The Human Rights are not supporting the gay marriages. Because it didn't say anything about the gay marriage. I think it's not supporting the gay marriages.

I think it's it shouldn't be aloud. It's not right, it's unnatural, and you don't see much gay animals. It's just that gay animals have like some mental problems.

There was not suppose to be any gay animals, the ones are gay is different to the normal ones. They act different to the normal animals.

Therese many reasons of why people is gay. For example, some men like woman a lot, sometimes that kind of men like woman really much that they want to turn into a woman. And sometimes like in jail, all the men in the jail, all they see and meet is men. So over time they will start to like each other.

And when guys turn gay they act like woman, some times they even remove their pennies, and dig a hole..

So that's why I think it's not right to be gay or lesbian, so they shouldn't be aloud to get married.

Now here are some pictures that will make you realise that gay and lesbian is not right."

I really have no comment for this.

The best part of my job is that I get to read to kids. The other day I had the grade 1 class and we chose to read 'A Particular Cow' by Mem Fox (who you may have heard of, she wrote Possum Magic). It's a pretty simple story with cool pictures and the text goes like this "On a particular day a particular cow went for a particular walk and saw a particular woman..." You get the idea. Anyway at the end of the book one boy raised his hand and asked "What does particular mean" to which I replied "Umm...well...good question...I guess it means...ummm...when you emphasise one thing in a series of things". As a result of this (correct I might add) explanation each kid in the class looked at me like I'd just shat in their mouth. I then decided to see if anyone else could help me out so I asked "Does anyone here know what the word particular means to which they all raised their hands. I then asked could they explain it to which they all lowered their hands. All that is except one, and this was his definition of particular;
"It's like if I had two meat pies and one of them had sauce I would want that one in Particular"
To which they all shook their heads in agreement and went "Oh Yeah, of course"
Kids. Are. Brilliant!

There has been this bucket down the side of my house that was there before we moved in, and because it's down the side of the house I've never looked at it or moved it until my girlfriend pointed it out and commented that it was full of sludge. So I said i'd get rid of it because people, as my father always told me "Ladies shouldn't have to move buckets of sludge". As I go to empty it into the nearby drain the top slides off like icing on a cake (a putrid smelling icing i should point out) and the water is all fermented and is literally the grossest smelling thing in the history of the word "grossest smelling thing". Not only that, but at the bottom of the bucket are these red ball like things the size of an acorn and i don't know if they are alive or not and I fear they are going to clog all our drainage. I'm now too worried about going down the side of the house to look.
I guess the reason i'm writing this is to ask for advice and if anyone knows what the red things could be.
Also so someone can say to me "You had me at 'there has been this bucket'".

Heres another one for my library closed collection

Sung to the Theme from M.A.S.H.
The library is closed
The lib-ra-ry is closed
The library (the library) is closed (is closed)