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Joy Marie



Last Updated: 3/17/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 100
Sign: Capricorn

State: Virginia
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/23/2008

Blog Archive
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Friday, May 23, 2008 
Church has been the foundation of the people of this country since it's beginning. We have trusted in God for our security and happiness regardless of our race or color. The black church has proven to be solid and constant in black communities and the views of the church has great impact on our lives individually and collectively. The consensus that the black church is homophobic is a narrow-minded view that is all too readily accepted by those empathetic to the gay community.  
 
The doctrine of the black church is derived from the Bible. The teaching of the Bible is that homosexuality is a sin. The Bible likewise teaches that stealing, lying, adultery, etc., are also sins. Most people who attend church know that their faith is supposed to bring about change in their lives and because Christ died for their sins, they can receive forgiveness and go and sin no more. If they are liars, they no longer have to lie, if they are thieves, they no longer have to steal. Of course, one must be willing to change. We have approached many churches about the subject of the down-low. What we have found is that the black church wants to minister healing to homosexual men just as they would anyone else in the bondage of sin. Of course, many gay and down-low men laugh at this belief and call it a joke. They come to the black church with the mentality that this is who they are and the church needs to accept them as they are. Of course, to ask the church to embrace homosexuality as a new way of life, fad or fashion is ludicrous.  People of faith know what their Bible teaches. They are taught to love every person, but to hate sin. Are they to ignore sexual sin in their midst while exposing all other sin? While the church will embrace each person as a child of God who is redeemable because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it most definitely expects each person to work out their own salvation and be willing to change and that includes homosexual behavior. Black ministers of the gospel are not afraid to speak on the subject of homosexuality whereas many white churches avoid the subject altogether. 
 
Gay men have been a part of the black church for many, many years. The doors of black churches do not slam shut in the face of homosexual men. If that were the case, the stages of our churches would not give way to the flamboyant, colorfully dressed choir director with his suit tails flying in the breeze of his dancing feet as he performs his "holy ghost" dance. The organist would not sometimes resemble Liberace and the head usher would not sometimes have that extra lilt in his voice when he greets you at the door. These men are our sons and brothers and are, for the most part, loved by the church as our friends and family members, but the black church makes no excuses for its aversion to their lifestyle. We believe the classification of homophobia is a misnomer that pigeonholes black churches into one category in an effort to turn the black church inward on itself. Many black gay men consistently state that the black church is bias toward gay men therefore they must masquerade as straight in order to attend the churches of their choice. The operative word here is "choice." Would the student go to medical school to become an engineer?  If a gay man comes to church, why should he expect the church that studies the doctrine of Christianity to ignore its own teachings? The homophobia label is unjust and untrue. The truth is the black church is not phobic, just diligent in its teaching that sin is sin and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ freed us from the bondage of all sin. In all actuality, there is no excuse for down-low behavior. Homosexual men need not believe that the world will give way to their deception. Women will become more educated and informed and will no longer be so easily used as covers for down-low men and many of our black churches will continue to minister to openly gay men, while exposing down-low men in their midst. Bravo to the black church because according to the CDC, the disproportionate rise in reported  HIV/AIDS cases in black women is definitely linked to heterosexual sex with men who also sleep with men. We need you, Church. While the state wants to remain politically correct about the issues of homosexuality, people of faith need the protective boundaries of faith upheld by the church. The down-low community calls it homophobia, women of faith victimized by down-low men call it spiritual warfare!
 
Saturday, March 01, 2008 
                                                  Intuition
 
The number one sign of detecting a down-low man is a woman's intuition. Webster defines intuition as, "The capacity of the mind by which it immediately perceives the truth of things without reasoning or analysis." Intuition has also been referred to as instinct, a sixth sense, a hunch, second-sight, and a gut feeling.
 
Our intuition speaks through fleeting thoughts, physical sensations, such as tingling of the skin, hair standing up on the back of the neck, and a bad feeling in the stomach. Others have described their intuition as a spoken whisper or an instant aversion to someone. It could be an uncomfortable feeling that something is weird, off, or wrong.
 
Janine's intuition made her feel that something was not quite "right" with Gary. She even asked him if he were gay and he lied and said no. While a woman's intuition may not specifically warn her of a down-low man, it is definitely a bonafide red flag telling her to steer clear of this relationship or at best, investigate further and get to know who this person really is. The fact that Janine even questioned whether Gary was gay was a bad indication and a cause for great concern.
 
Ladies, we don't give enough importance to our intuition and therefore, we ignore it or dismiss it as irrational or foolish, but God gave it to us to protect us. Our intuition often tells us what our brain and heart doesn't. Our brain says, "That's a fine man!!! Our heart says, "Its time to fall in love." But, our intuition says "RUN, RUN, RUN… he is not the one!"
 
Something else we often do is discount our intuition so that we can make the man fit into our lifelong fantasy of Prince Charming. When we receive red flags from our intuition, we're often afraid to ask the appropriate questions because we already know the answers will destroy the chances of our fantasy coming to life. What is it that makes us do this, ladies? Is it low self-esteem, emotional immaturity, lack of trust in ourselves, fear of being alone, fatherless homes, cheating brothers and friends, financial woes, or plain old desperation?
 
A desperate woman is the perfect cover for a down-low man. If you recall, Janine was just coming out of a relationship when Gary came disguised as her knight in shining armor. Janine did not give herself time to heal after her previous marriage failed, which set her up as a victim, thus she accepted the lie that he was not gay as truth without further investigation.
 
Janine's intuition acted like a lie detector right from the start. She was uneasy about Gary and as you recall, she asked him if he was on the down-low, but when he lied, she trusted him instead of her intuition. Even then, her intuition did not change its course and Janine went from a feeling of uneasiness to a state of depression that she couldn't understand. Our intuition is not a figment of our imagination, but really does reveal the truth about someone without our own reasoning or logic and we have to be willing to trust it.
 
For more information, please visit our website at www.straightuptruth.com.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008 

Current mood:  enlightened
Category: Life

The "down-low," "DL," "Tha Low," "Tha Low Low," all refer to men who secretly have sex with other men while in sexual relationships with women. She may be his wife, girlfriend, or just a friend with benefits, but the down-low specifies that she is not "in the know" about his homosexual activities. These men do not consider themselves gay or bisexual because they do not wish to be associated with gay, effeminate men. In fact, they actually shun all labels. Some of them consider their secretive homosexual lifestyle to be just another extracurricular activity. Although the term "down-low" originated in the African-American community to indicate something on the "hush-hush," it is now used to describe men of all races who have sex with other men undercover. We have found that this behavior is not new, nor is it specific to black men who have sex with men. White men who engage in this same dangerous behavior are said to be "in the closet." From our research, we have discovered there is really no difference between Black men being on the down-low and any other men being in the closetthey are all closeted homosexuals. These men come in all ages, races, shapes, sizes, professions, and even religions. Most are hard to detect at first glance. Some of these men have been practicing this lifestyle for many years and therefore have become very skillful at hiding their true identities. They believe that what they do privately is their own business and what we don't know won't hurt us.

 

On the contrary, this lifestyle is very much our business. We, as women who love, trust, and share our lives with men, deserve to know if they are engaging in risky, dangerous, and potentially murderous sexual activities. We have the right to be able to make informed choices for our own lives. Although there has been no definitive research published linking men on the down-low as a cause of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in African-American women, it does not take a rocket scientist to link the two. Our purpose is not to engage in debate about whether or not the down-low is a contributory factor in the rise of HIV/AIDS rates in Black women. Our intent is to make women aware of the dangerous, promiscuous sexual practices that actually take place in this lifestyle.



Wednesday, January 23, 2008 

Current mood:  determined
Category: Writing and Poetry

Excerpt from Janine's "Fairy Tale"

 

"One night, around midnight, I was lying in bed feeling extremely sad and lonely. I had been crying all day. My husband was sound asleep beside me. Something told me to listen to Gary's cell phone messages. I lay there for a while and contemplated what to do because I didn't want to violate his privacy. The voice became louder and told me to check his cell phone. I slid out of bed and took Gary's cell phone from his night table. I took it into the bathroom and listened to his messages from our children as well as other usual mundane messages. My hands were already shaking, it was almost as if I knew something disturbing was about to happen. Suddenly, I heard a man's voice calling my husband, "Baby." My heart started pounding, I couldn't breathe, and my body began to tremble from head to toe. The man was telling him how good he looked as he walked into the office today. He called him "his baby," and sounded very proud. As I was reeling from shock, I heard another voice message from the same man, telling Gary he couldn't get together with him at the job this weekend and he hoped he wasn't mad. He also said, "The lifestyle is very difficult and he only wanted one thing." He then said, "Baby, you really put something on my mind and I can't stop thinking about it." The tone was very intimate like a man would speak to his woman. I was in total shock, but what was really strange is I felt the depression lifting from my body. I now knew the source of it."

 

To read more book excerpts and/or purchase the book, visit our website at:  www.straightuptruth.com