Ahem...now that I've got your attention ... I SURRENDER!
Seems to me that my last blog went over like a box of dead puppies. Try to enlighten as well as amuse folks, and they stay away in droves. Even the friend I specifically wrote it for (and, so far, the ONLY one to comment on it over on Yahoo 360; big hugs to Sarah, the lone commenter over here) appears to have watched just the first of the two videos I posted. (And after I'd gone to pains to start the damn blog with an animated gif to lure in all you proles!)
It's not as if I was trying to force anyone into a cult or something. I merely wanted to share the genius of a filmmaker who not only knew how to entertain, but invented or improved film tricks which continue to raise aesthetic goose-bumps on me, even after seeing them literally dozens of times.
On top of all that, though my 47 previous blogs here have had had over 3000 page views (I know, big whoops), I've received a grand total of 110 Comments and a measly 38 Kudos (not even LITTLE whoops). Gee, thanks, folks. So what can I do here to attract a little interest? Hmmmm, perhaps a revealing QUIZ! Or survey. Or as the gorgeous Ivy over at 360 calls it, "Quizzzzzotica". Yeah, that oughtta do it. Worked a little better the last time I tried than 'effin Norman McLaren did, anyway.
So, tho you really SHOULD go back and read my last blog (you slugs!), here's a survey I copied from Ivy's blog that y'all should find sufficiently juicy to elicit SOME response, commentwise. I would have probably put it up anyway, at least on 360, since Ivy did me the honor (?) of mentioning me in her answers, even tho she called me a "crazy bitch" -- the fact is, I AM one, and I know she means it in her own sarky way as some sort of reverse compliment (unlike my having called you "slugs").
And in probably vain hope of salving the bad will I engendered by comparing y'all to shell-less mollusks, I'll even start it off with an animated gif motivated by Ivy's answer to the first question: "ABC gum. No really, ummmm..plain old bubble gum that makes a nice bubble." (Hint: it's also a metaphor for my new willingness to simply play along. Sigh.)
Marshology (yeah, that's what it says at the top of the survey and no, I don't know what it means, either....)
FOODOLOGY
Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Juicyfruit, hands down. And while they're down, I'll stick my gum on the bottom of the chair.
Q. What is your favorite salad dressing?
A. Ken's Steak House's Greek. Feta! Yum!
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. A one-of-a-kind treasure called OKI DOG. My paean to it won Best Answer over at Yahoo Answers, so I've linked it if you want to find out more about this unique Los Angeles odd-crowd attraction.
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Depends on the mood and what I'm willing to spend. I guess my fave of faves is NEPENTHE, which is a don't-miss experience every time I hit Big Sur, between here and San Francisco. The blend of fabulous architecture, incomparable ocean view, superb (and healthy!) cuisine, and laid-back atmosphere and service simply don't get no better in my book.
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20% of the before tax total is baseline. I'll go considerably more for service which enhances the meal and am not above the occasional complaint to the management for "service" which destroys it.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. I'll steal a hint from Ivy here and opt for an Indian buffet.
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. I get very carnivorous with pizza, with my favorite being meatballs and onions.
Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Anything and everything. I guess the oddest is baked beans, a habit I picked up during my two years living in the UK.
TECHNOLOGY
Q. Number of contacts in your cell/mobile phone?
A. 70...and there should be more. At least once a day, I have to go to Outlook to find a stored number I need.
Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. Astronomical. It needs cleaning out in the worst way.
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. A halved nautilus shell. I love the Fibonacci/golden mean orderliness of it, and store my icons in the various chambers!
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Just one...and it rarely gets watched.
BIOLOGY
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Sight is the one I value most, but as I age, I think my sense of touch is growing keener. Go figure.
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. One of only two right-handers in an immediate family with three left-handers. Continue to figure.
Q. What's your best feature?
A. Physically, folks say my eyes. Psychically, my growing sense of centeredness.
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Various teeth, of course, a few skin tags...and upcoming, the biggie: both hip joints. Eeeek!
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. My teeth are granite-like...they don't get cavities, but a few years back, one cracked on a unpopped kernel of popcorn.
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. A box of books that I couldn't bear to give away but instead stashed in my already crowded storage garage. Yes, I know, I know...
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. When I was a kid, by a stone kicked out from a rotary mower. An inch difference and it would have hit my temple and probably killed me. I can already hear the smartass comments in your head.
BULL[CRAP]OLOGY
Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. I once pulled a drowning man from the surf down in Mexico ... and I've tried to save a few self-destructive souls, with varying success.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Physically, no. Emotionally, perhaps.
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No, no, a thousand times, no!
Q. Is love for real?
A. Romantically, at least once in my life...perhaps more. Platonic and familial, sure...if their irritating flaws LET you.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Gawsh, I'm still getting used to Jude Morrison. Ask me later.
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black, red, purple and brownish earth tones. Not all at once, of course.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. The one that comes most readily to mind is a bee who flew into my mouth while I was bike-riding. I guess it could count as food...but not by MY reckoning.
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Of COURSE! Who's offering?
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. I'd have to do research on how much the lawyer's fees would cost to get me off the inevitable public nausea charges, but if I could net at least half, sure.
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Have...was I supposed to get $100 for it? Where do I apply?
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Not unless I was flat broke, homeless and without prospects. (I'd refer the offer to those self-destructive souls above.)
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Fraid so, my dear ex-friends. But I'd need phone numbers from SOME of you.
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Yes, but I wouldn't want to see the insane magazine that would offer me such a deal.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Depends. If I'd have to WEAR Depends afterwards, no. Otherwise, I'd give it a try.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. In my imagination, there are people I'd kill for free. For the good of humanity and all that. In reality, I don't think I could stand the guilt; hey, I'm Jewish.
DUMBOLOGY
Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8 dumb people in current affairs?
A: W. (How convenient to have a one-letter answer.) (Oh shit, I ruined it, didn't I?)
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Usually empty; seldom more than a few coins. (I once read that anybody with more than 9 coins in his or her pocket is TOTALLY gay.)
Q: Is "Napoleon Dynamite" actually a good movie?
A: It sure is if you watch it in the condition I was in the second time I did.
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Carpet...sadly.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: I stand up and take it like a-- er, now it gets complicated.
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: I think I'm too idiosyncratic to live with anyone but a romantic S.O. these days...and I'm not all that sure about a that, either.
Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A: One, for poolside use only. And THAT on hot days. I prefer bare feet. And no rubber between my toes.
Q: Where were you born?
A. Los Angeles, CA. Back when mammoths and sabertooths were still being caught in the La Brea Tar Pits.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Ah, you gotta LOVE those UCLA Unicops. Needless to say, I was blameless. Police abuse! Police abuse!
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Happy. And, by gawd, I'm damn close to getting there.
LASTOLOGY
Q: Last friend you talked to?
A: IRL, my tempestuous, unreliable, yet occasionally adorable Sasha. On the phone, well, I'm overdue to return a call to Gaylene. Online, Ivy, which is the main reason I'm bothering to take this "quiz". And unlike her, I'll refrain from directing even "humorous" sarcastic comments her way. For now.
Q: Last person you called?
A: My landlord. You don't want to hear about it.
Q: Last person you hugged?
A: My analyst. I guess Ivy has the "crazy" part right.
FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 42 and 111. Which is why I'm keeping my "Friends" at Yahoo 360 to 42 and the ones here at MySpace to 111.
Q: Color?
A: The infinite varieties of green you see in nature...especially in Ireland.
Q: Season?
A: "...it might as well, might as well be Spring." (When, as the song goes, I feel so gay in a melancholy way. And I start checking the number of coins in my pocket.)
CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Yes. Several people. 'Nuff said.
Q: Mood?
A: Surprisingly happy
Q: Listening to?
A: Sufjan Stevens. Who else can make a song about a friend dying of cancer not only not sappy, but sweetly positive?
Q: Watching?
A. Saw hour-long documentaries Monday night (at Documental, a local screening society I have a hand in) about Aimee Semple McPherson, charismatic, controversial founder of L.A.'s Foursquare Gospel Church, and Dudley J. LeBlanc, LA (which, sans the periods, is Louisiana, folks) State Senator, Cajun-pride activist and wealthy "snake oil" salesman, as well as creator of the alcohol-laden patent medicine HADACOL ("HADDA CALL it something"), followed by a rare screening of the only Oscar Levant Show episode still preserved, a virtual house party of three with Oscar at the piano, his long-suffering wife June kibitzing and their friend Fred Astaire singing on TV for the first time ever. The Documental event concluded with live performances of some of Levant's 1920's-1930's pop songs by the amazing pianist Brad Kay and several singers. (See how TV sucks in comparison?)
Q: Worrying about?
A: Having to cut off one supremely irritating and toxic friend who seems determined to go down the drain despite years of me and others offering helping hands, financially and otherwise. Which is bothering me less than I imagined it would, which, sadly, I take as a good sign for my own hard-won happiness.
RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: To Outlook for a phone number which SHOULD have been on my cellphone. See?
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Finish this quiz. And try to catch the new documentary "Deep Water". I LOVE documentaries about weird people, even as I flush the dangerously weird ones out of my life.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Aside from the above oddities, "Rescue Dawn", "3:10 to Yuma", both of which I loved (and which have brought about a growing admiration for Christian Bale), and "Superbad", which is undeniably funny but both overpraised and, at least for me, left a strange bad aftertaste, not unlike swallowing a bee.
Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes. I'm smiling now. See? 
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes, but both a certain shyness and a curmudgeon streak can make me seem standoffish.
Q: Now that the survey's done what are you going to do?
A: Get the hell off the computer and downtown, where I've a few fires to put out, so to speak.
Okay, I've done MY part. Now it's up, er, down to you.
(And feel free to put the survey in YOUR blog...or pass it along. Let me know, and I'll even come read it. I'm such a whore for attention...)