It's pressure that creates a diamond
The weight of the world bears down
Forcing that piece of rock to be better
Diamonds don't just appear out of nowhere.
No, they're squeezed until they step up and succeed
They get crushed if they can't handle the heat
Nature takes a pile of shit,
And makes it into something valuable.
That's why your mom and I are kicking you out.
We're packing your bags, throwing away your toys.
It's time to put away childish things.
And your school? You can figure that one out on your own,
Tiger. Today you become a MAN.
Don't worry, you're not without help.
I know it can be hard for a six year old to find work
That's why I've given you a list of businesses.
They're non-discriminating, mostly.
(How do you feel about wearing a fake mustache?)
And so you depart, with your Spiderman blanket,
Your Power Rangers pillow and a thick Hulk backpack
Stuffed with necessities, and souvenirs from your old life.
We're starting a revolution today, Billy.
And when you return, hopefully with a wife and children
You can tell me about your adventures, and thank me.
And we can set your own children off together.
I will write a book about your life.
The whole world will want to know.
Sure, the road ahead of you is hard and scary,
But you've got a Spongebob flashlight and fresh double A's.
Just don't be too prideful to eat out of garbage
Or too stubborn to share your blanket with a hobo.
Networking is the key to success;
It's all about who you know.
That hobo could be like Will Smith in that movie
The one where he's homeless and then becomes rich.
What I'm trying to say is, always trust a stranger.
Sure, I could keep you here, raise you for another twelve years
But what would that possibly accomplish, Billy?
I have nothing to teach you
That the world couldn't do ten times better.
Also, I know that today's world isn't exactly the safest
I've enclosed a handgun in your Cookie Monster lunchbox.
There are three bullets, and it's fully loaded.
Instinct will teach you when and how to use it.
(Point the round part away from your face.)
It won't all be easy, I know this fact very well.
But it's the pressure in life that molds us,
Makes us hungry, makes us want more.
I pray that you get a taste of life today.
So no more chit-chat! Time to go!
The world is waiting, filled with joy and pain
I can only imagine the wonders you'll encounter.
I know you can't read or count yet, but when you do,
Send your mom and me a letter or two.
Just don't trip in the driveway
Learning to tie your shoes should be, perhaps,
Item number one on your list of things to do.
Also, buy some bugspray with the emergency five spot I gave you.
Godspeed, Billy. I love you very much.
Today you leave a child,
But when God, karma, or fate brings you back to me,
You'll be a man.
(You'll be a diamond.)