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Out of the industry, into the ministry

Mrs. Jan M.


Last Updated: 10/9/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 30
Sign: Capricorn

City: Killeen
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/31/2007

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Tuesday, September 01, 2009 

Current mood:  crunk
Category: News and Politics
....
The AIDS Healthcare Foundation joined by former porn actresses and Pink Cross Foundation filed official complaints Thursday, asking California state regulators to force San Fernando Valley porn companies to require actors to wear condoms and follow health and safety laws.
The Cal/OSHA complaints will be supported with over 60 porn DVDs where unsafe sex and illegal production of porn is demonstrated.
The film companies to be named in the complaint include Anarchy Films, Backend Productions, Blue Pictures, Critical X, Hustler Video, Heatwave Entertainment, Immoral Productions, Latin Media, Legend, Mayhem, Maverick Entertainment, Raw Flesh, Sin City, Top Dog/Magnus Productions, Vivid Entertainment, and Club Jenna. 58 films from the 16 companies were considered in the AHF analysis. 1.
But that’s only a handful of the companies breaking the law as followed:
“The California Occupational Safety and Health Act requires employers to provide a safe and healthful workplace for employees, and pay the costs of their health and safety program. This same act gives Cal/OSHA jurisdiction over virtually all private employers in California, including employers in the adult film industry. Employers must comply with all relevant regulations, which are contained in Title 8 of the California Code of Regulations.”
Nobody is complying with these regulations. Porn producers could care less about the law. Even the self-professed “doctor” of porn stars doesn’t care. Founder of AIM (Adult Industry Medical clinic) and industry leader Dr. Sharon Mitchell stated in an article in the New York Times, "Honey, this is pornography. People don't pay attention to the Legislature."
The porn industry better pay attention because legislature is about to get involved in a major way. Former porn actresses will make sure of that.
“We aren’t playing around with the porn industry,” stated former porn actress Shelley Lubben and executive director of Pink Cross Foundation who publicly challenged the porn industry to a debate in a press conference held at Sheraton Universal Hotel on Thursday, August 20.
So far no takers for the debate. What, is the porn industry scared of a few former porn actresses with overwhelming evidence of porn companies not following Cal/OSHA standards?
According to the California Occupational Safety and Health Act porn employers are required to offer a safe and healthy workplace for porn workers. These requirements include:
• Following a written safety and health program, known as an injury and illness prevention program, or IIPP, pointing out potential hazards specific to the workplace and ways to protect workers from those hazards.
• Training employees in health and safety hazards.
• Protecting employees from electrical hazards, such as those associated with special lighting.
• Protecting employees from hazards associated with bloodborne pathogens.
• Providing sanitation facilities.
• Not discriminating against employees who complain about safety and health conditions.
As insiders of the porn industry know, these standards are NOT being followed at all in the porn industry. Certainly it can be proven and porn companies don’t deny it. Instead the adult film industry cowards hide behind the free speech amendment or make ridiculous remarks like:
"If Los Angeles County chooses to enforce mandatory condoms, what you'll see is all adult production leave California," Vivid Entertainment founder Steve Hirsch told the Los Angeles Times.
The porn industry isn’t going anywhere. First off, keep in mind that California is the ONLY State in which it is actually legally produce adult films due to a 1988 decision of the California Supreme Court (California vs. Freeman).
As a result of that decision, California became the first and ONLY state where a person can be legally hired to have sex for the purpose of making adult films. NO OTHER STATE HAS SUCH A PRECEDENT and it is simply ILLEGAL to make adult films anywhere else in the United States.
Sex in exchange for money (regardless of reason, or circumstance) is considered prostitution in ALL states. California just happens to be the ONLY one to make allowances for adult film production. While it is true there are companies who make films in other states, they do so contrary to law and are subject to arrest and face charges ranging from prostitution to pandering (pimping) if caught. 2.
Not to mention, what other health department in another state, knowing the risks the porn industry poses on public health, will allow porn companies to set up shop? And if the health departments aren’t aware of the risks, be assured that porn companies won’t be able to pack fast enough before Pink Cross Foundation and other advocacy groups will be knocking on doors of health departments with evidence in hand.
The porn industry WILL comply or be shut down. They WILL care about the health and safety of workers.
But Hustler’s Larry Flynt is more concerned with porn consumers than he is with the very ones who risk their lives to work in his films. He told The Associated Press, "people who enjoy viewing adult films do not want to see people using condoms."
Perhaps Larry needs to think about the fact that his workers don’t want Herpes, HIV, or to live out the rest of their lives on medication, if they live that long. Maybe Larry needs to be forced to have unprotected sex in films for a year and see how he enjoys Genital Herpes or Gonorrhea. Maybe Larry needs to live paralyzed in fear like the porn stars do.
The porn industry has disabled and destroyed thousands of lives and porn companies don’t care. LA Public Health doesn’t care. Cal/Osha doesn’t care. But Pink Cross cares. Yes, the “conservative, religious” according to AVN (Adult Video News) cares more about porn stars than AVN does. That’s for damn sure.
We care deeply about the thousands of lives risking their health to make a buck. Your life is worth more than that!
Get help now at www.thepinkcross.org

.. ..

11:08 PM 
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Thursday, July 16, 2009 

Current mood:  determined
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
....................

 Okay so CNBC decides to explore the seedy underbelly of the porn industry and while they are trying to avoid directly promoting the adult industry, they aren’t doing a very good job of NOT glamorizing it either.

Charles Schwab himself pulled out of backing this so called “documentary” why when he is one of the largest contributors to CNBC?? Isn’t obvious that despite the industries attempts to come across as a legitimate industry, they are only law breakers and just like Max Hardcore who recently went to prison for obscenity, should go to prison or be fined themselves for the same moral crime if not more so??!!

How many more laws will be broken before the government, especially the government in California will do something about it. Why is everyone so scared to face the porn demon? Economics you say. I agree. You want an economical answer, FINE THE PORN INDUSTRY, SHUT THEM DOWN, EDUCATE THE WOMEN AND MEN IN PORN, AND MAKE IT ILLEGAL! Marijuana isn’t the only major mind altering substance out there that is far too commonly produced and sold.

Too many people in the porn industry crying out about a failing economy, you can’t be serious!! Is that why hotels won’t completely take porn off its channel choices? Is that why video stores continue to pollute their shelves with smut?? Is that why I can go to my local corner store and find an adult magazine that is viewable not only to me, but to ANY underage minors who come into the store as well?? Covering a magazine with a black sleeve or putting an 18 or older warning in video store sections and websites will NOT conceal the truth, porn is available to everyone who wants to really get their hands on it, including and especially our youth! ....

And what of these female porn execs, helping to exploit women and profit off of the bodies of mostly young, uneducated, naive women. Saying things like they’re taking more hardcore out of their adult films to make them more suitable for couples and so that females can enjoy porn like men do, this is madness, it’s sickening and it turns my stomach to think that we, Gods children have sunk so low.

I AM BEYOND OUTRAGED!!!

Yes I work along side of The Pink Cross Foundation and yes we’re affecting change, but we need help your help! Why are you waiting, do you honestly think the porn industry doesn’t affect your life?? PISH PASH, if you think so wake up!! In these times the light will get lighter and the dark will get darker. It’s harvest time people, don’t just wait for someone to come into your neighborhood and do something about it, you do it and make it personal. These men and women were made for so much more than porn and if you truly believe that then make them believe it too. Take God to the streets and step out of your comfort zone.

3:24 AM 
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Tuesday, June 02, 2009 

Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
So my church, Destiny World Outreach Center here in Killeen is showing a play through Wednesday night called Heavens Gates, Hells Flames which is a powerful play that I would recommend anyone seeing.
 
 Anyway everyone knows my testimony, but only a very few people know of my struggles within my marriage. When I came back to Christ after leaving the porn industry my husband (my then boyfriend) and I broke up because he didn't understand anything about Christ and about church, but you see I had already had that foundation, I had accepted Christ into my heart at 7 years of age and was raised in church. We were separated for three months before we started talking again and he started to change and wanted to go to church with me, now that was probably a suck up lol, but I did see the need and want to change himself, plus God had shown me the calling on my husbands life, so I continued to pray for him and we got back together, but I told him if he wanted for us to be together we would need to be right in Gods eyes and not live in sin, I told him he would have to honor me and marry me.
 
 Long story short he joined the Army full time and I drove from Las Vegas to Texas to be with him and marry him. Since then there have been so many attacks and lies from the devil I should have gone crazy by now, but God has always kept me, kept us! My husband and I have been here for 9 months and it wasn't until a month ago that I found a church I felt I could get plugged into, that we could get plugged into and that church was Destiny. I've been praying for my husband’s salvation for two years now and even though I saw God reach him over a year ago at our church in Vegas, he still hadn't made the choice to truly serve God and accept HIM into his heart, but last night he did!!!!!
 
 Last night after the play was over they had an alter call so as my eyes were closed and my head was bowed I just kept praying and when the pastor asked everyone to stand who had raised their hand to be saved or rededicate their life back to God, I opened my eyes and not only was my husband standing and crying, but my children were all standing and so were their friends we had taken to the play, PRAISE GOD!! So my children rededicated their lives back to God and my husband accepted Christ truly for the first time! My tears overflowed with joy and a million ton weight was lifted from my shoulders, I even felt the hand of God on my shoulder, more than any blessing, more than any riches in the world, last night I got what I had wanted for so long, my families salvation!!
 
 My daughter is going to be baptized and my husband is going to a follow up class to learn more about what it means to be a Christian and serve God! Please continue to pray for us, please pray for my families continued salvation and strength to know when the enemy is trying to come against us so we can throw Gods word in the devils face. Thank you Pink Cross team and to everyone else who has continually lifted my family up!! My dear sister Charlette, Melonie, Shelley I love you guys, thank you for never giving up on us and for constantly praying James through!! Now I can honestly say that Jesus rules this household!! We as Christians know that it only gets tougher from here, but that God is our victorious warrior and is mightier than any attack or lie from the devil, so again please keep us lifted up in prayer.
 
 I just want to pray that in the mighty name of Jesus that whoever you're believing God to heal or help today that it is done!! Whether it is someone or something give it up to God, let go and let God, even though there is struggle and it may take all your patience, God is soooo good and His mercy endures forever, He is faithful and just and will help you in His time, don't give in and don't give up!!!!!
 
Ecclesiastes 3
Matthew 6:25 - 34
 
** I love you all **
Your sister in Christ,
Mrs. Jan E. Merritt
 





Lunapic Photo Editing

WHICH ONE WILL YOU CHOOSE??
12:16 PM 
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Sunday, May 24, 2009 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Ex Porn Stars are Guests on Daystar's "Joni Show"!



Ex Porn Stars Shelley Lubben,Tammie Boling and I boldly share the truth about the negative effects of pornography on The Joni Show!






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Sunday, May 24, 2009 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities


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Tuesday, January 20, 2009 
9:59 PM 
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Thursday, January 15, 2009 
....................

Attendance drops at Adult Entertainment Expo....

Isn’t God good!!!! ....

 As most of you know I help Shelley Lubben and The Pink Cross go into as many adult conventions as we can to reach out to porn stars and to porn fans, but the biggest adult convention we have been to so far was the AVN held in Las Vegas this year January 9th through the 11th. Going into these conventions always breaks my heart because I get to relive all the horror stories that most of the girls in the industry are facing and because of the oblivious fans who think that buying the videos, magazines or even paying these women for sex on the side, really helps them and not hurts them.....

Taken from an article written by Laurence Lerman, Sean Devlin an AEE spokesman was quoted as saying this; “We are just like every other tradeshow in that we are experiencing the same market forces that they are.” So is that true, are they really like any other market???? My answer is no!! The adult industry is a billion dollar industry and yet all of the sudden they can’t seem to make their quota?? Is this the affects of the economy or is it God? My answer is God. You see adult videos and other adult paraphernalia for most is an addiction and the last time I checked people will do anything to keep their addictions going, even at the risk of themselves or others around them. So why the lack of attendance, why are the numbers dwindling not only at the conventions, but adult sales in general?? Education and intervention!! ....

The Pink Cross was founded in 2008 and has grown tremendously since then, if there were no need for the foundations’ cause why would it be growing, why would people be so responsive to the materials we hand out? When I talked to people at the conventions I would say that at least 90% of them had no clue about what goes on behind the scenes or about all of the possible STDs you can catch and spread and how you can do it nor do the porn stars even realize they have rights as an independent contractor. When The Pink Cross steps in to share our stories, to reach out in love, to educate and inform, we then open the door for God to change lives and he has in a major way! Take a look at what God is doing through us, go to The Pink Cross blog and read how Nadia Styles left the adult industry and was helping the foundation at this years AVN, read the other stories from former adult stars and strippers, God is moving in a mighty way! ....

Take a look at some other quotes from the same article written by Mr. Lerman....

“I know the numbers are down, but it looks the same to me,” said John Stagliano “My impression is that DVD sales are down across the board.”....

Jeff Thill, director of video operations for Hustler Video Group, agreed that activity on the show floor was noticeably lower from the previous year. -....

“Traffic is definitely down from last year. As you walk to the back end of the floor, it does seem to be a bit dead,” he said.....

And the quote to end all quotes, one that brings a smile to my face and joy in my spirit is from Larry Flynt himself “We have a solution, and it’s called bankruptcy.” ....

I’m no one to receive joy from other people’s pain and this is not about that at all, the adult industry brings enough suffering to people. What this is about is helping people realize that they are destined for more, that selling their bodies is NOT an easy way out of financial distress and that intimacy with one person is the most fulfilling experience emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. That polluting their minds with a false sense of sexuality will only further separate them from ever having a real intimate encounter. My hope and adamant prayer for 2009 is that the adult industry will completely dissolve and that the producers, stars and fans who were apart of it will find God, peace, joy, real intimacy and prosperity by maintaining a real career. ....

This is Jan Meza, and this was my thought for the day.....

God Bless!!....

8:18 PM 
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Saturday, October 04, 2008 

God is so good, he's so good to me!!!!
Amidst the craziness, God has richly blessed me and my family. I'm happily married to the man I love, we have a beautiful house and new furniture, my children are in good schools and loving their new enviroment, I think I found a great new church to get plugged into and even though there are some things left to achieve and settle, God is honoring us big time.

It's been a wild ride the past two and a half years, there has been much pain and suffering, loss and tears, but God has sustained me and continues to do so. I can't express enough how God has used the ugliness of my past and turned it into something truly beautiful.
 God is faithful! His love endures all! Be encouraged and not dismayed, Gods way is the only way, he is the truth and the light, the way to redemption and glory! If God can take an ex sex worker, a sinner such as myself and literally morph me into something beautiful and virtuous and in the process bless me so immensely, he can do the same for you.
Realize this day that God is greater than all of your circumstances, Gods word is the final word. It doesn't matter what man is saying to you or what the world is saying about you, God is still greater then all of it! You are destined, each one of you are called into a glorious design, something so much greater than you can imagine, but it is possible, all things are possible though Christ Jesus!! Remember Gods word:


MATTHEW 6:25-34
Do Not Worry
 
 25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Praying blessings and prosperity for you all,
Jan

10:32 PM 
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008 
God vs. Science
A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, ’Let me explain the problem science has with religion.’ The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

’You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?’

’Yes sir,’ the student says.

’So you believe in God?’

’Absolutely.’

’Is God good?’

’Sure! God’s good.’

’Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?’

’Yes.’

’Are you good or evil?’

’The Bible says I’m evil.’

The professor grins knowingly. ’Aha! The Bible!’ He considers for a moment. ’Here’s one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?’

’Yes sir, I would.’

’So you’re good...!’

’I wouldn’t say that.’

’But why not say that? You’d help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn’t.’

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. ’He doesn’t, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?’

The student remains silent.

’No, you can’t, can you?’ the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. ’Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?’

’Er...yes,’ the student says.

’Is Satan good?’

The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. ’No.’

’Then where does Satan come from?’

The student falters. ’From God’

’That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me, son. Is there evil inthis world?’

’Yes, sir.

’Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything, correct?’

’So who created evil?’ The professor continued, ’If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.’

Again, the student has no answer.

’Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?’

The student squirms on his feet. ’Yes.’

’So who created them?’

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. ’Who created them?’ There is still no answer.

Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. ’Tell me,’ he continues onto another student. ’Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?’

The student’s voice betrays him and cracks. ’Yes, professor, I do.’

The old man stops pacing. ’Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?’

’No sir. I’ve never seen Him.’

’Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?’

No, sir, I have not.’

’Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?’

’No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.’

’Yet you still believe in him?’

’Yes.’

’According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?’

’Nothing,’ the student replies. ’I only have my faith.’

’Yes, faith,’ the professor repeats. ’And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.’

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. ’Professor, is there such thing as heat?’

’Yes,’ the professor replies. ’There’s heat.’ ’And is there such a thing as cold?’

’Yes, son, there’s cold too.’

’No sir, there isn’t.’

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. ’You can have lots of heat , even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, whiteheat, a little heat or no heat, but we don’t have anything called ’cold’. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no
heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.’ ’Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy.
Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold..Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.’

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

’What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?’

Yes,’ the professor replies without hesitation. ’What is night if it isn’t darkness?’

’You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it?

That’s the meaning we use to define the word.’

’In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?’

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. ’So what point are you making, young man?’

’Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.’

The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this time. ’Flawed? Can you explain how?’

’You are working on the premise of duality,’ the student explains. ’You argue that there is life and then there’s death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. ’It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be
ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.’

’Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from monkey?

’If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.’

’Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?’

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

’Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?’

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

’To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.’ The student looks around the room. ’Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor’s brain?’ The class breaks out into laughter. ’Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor’s brain, felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelt the professor’s brain? No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,
demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.’ ’So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?’

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. ’I guess you’ll have to take them on faith.’

’Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,’ the student continues.’Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?’

Now uncertain, the professor responds, ’Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.’

To this the student replied, ’Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.’

The professor sat down.


9:55 PM 
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Sunday, March 09, 2008 

Jan, a.k.a Elizabeth Rollings, a BBW porn star recently left the porn industry and shares the truth with Shelley in a candid interview.

SL: How did you get into the sex industry?

ER: I was in my first movie because of an ad I answered on craigs list off the internet. I needed money and it sounded easy to do so I thought, why not? I knew it was wrong but I needed quick cash and of course it was legal, right? So I did the movie and never told anyone until months later when I decided to do it full time.

SL: Tell us about your childhood.

ER: My mom and dad divorced when I was three. My dad was a weekend dad and my mom took all of the responsibility raising us. We never had much of anything but my mom always tried to make sure that my older sister and I stayed in good schools and out of bad neighborhoods. My mom met a man when I was about 6 or 7 who whisked her off to Europe often and she would leave us with her side of the family. This went on for the next couple of years until my sister was about age 14 and I was about 11. We ended up homeless and went to live with our Godmother who was very spank happy to to say the least.

I was becoming very bitter about my mom and dad not being there even though I had accepted God in my heart at 7. When I was in 8th grade is when all the trouble began and I started noticing boys. There were a lot of gangs and gang fights and because of that I needed protection. I turned to clicks and pot heads and underage parties and smoking cigarettes and boys. I was only 13 years old.

I was in a world of trouble when I met "Candyman". Candyman was a gangster and offered me protection and a lot of attention. He took me home to meet his parents. I trusted him and thought he loved me. He tied me up and raped me. This was my first sexual experience. When he was done, he told me if I said anything I would be hurt worse by him and his friends. Gangs began to harass our family so we moved out of the neighborhood.

In high school I was into getting high and smoking cigarettes and having sex with my boy friend. Even though I was an A student, we constantly partied and had sex. At age 17 I ran away from home. My boyfriend and I were living in a friend's rat infested basement for 200 a month and soon I became pregnant. I attained my GED and traded in my hopes of becoming a nurse for becoming a mom and wife. I married my boyfriend and we had three children together.

SL: What led you into the sex industry?

ER: I worked off and on sometime two jobs to make up the lack of my husband's laziness. He never wanted to work. I got involved in prostituting at 19 and I worked for a women who had about 50 other girls working for her. I did topless massage and dominatrix work off and on for two years. I also pursued modeling because it had always been a passion of mine to be a model even though I am plus size. My husband knew I was doing sex work and didn't care.

I always loved to act and was involved in school plays growing up. I did a lot of promotional modeling and some street acting, but having to work a 12 hour shift as a cna (certified nursing aide) and take care of three kids kind of killed the dream. My husband and I divorced in 2004 for obvious reasons and my financial stress grew and grew. I had been to church a couple of times but to me it wasnt enough. I felt like a horrible mother and provider. I made my first porno after answering an ad in craigslist. I felt so ashamed and yet sexy at the same time. Even though the money was good, I had no intention of doing another one.

I ended up doing about 40 movies, 20+ websites, 3 magazines, 3 expos, countless online interviews and finally my own website. But yet I have nothing to show for it.

SL: What was the porn industry like?

ER: I was in Las Vegas so I had to drive back and forth to the porn industry in California four times a week. The money was great and my new boyfriend who recently lost his job, was loving every minute of it, traveling, seeing me have sex with other men and with other women. To him we had it made. I started making a name for myself in the BBW niche. I was in high demand and started loving the attention. My kids were fed, happy and had what they needed when they needed it. My boyfriend and I stayed in nice hotels and ate at good resturants. I bought him things and even helped him out with his own kids.

I got more and more requests for fetish films. After much pressure from porn producers, I finally caved in and did a 25 guy movie. I never thought I would have done something like that. I felt disgusted and violated, but what was I going to do? I was paid well for it and needed the money desperately.

SL: OH MY GOSH. What was it like to make a 25 guy movie?

ER: For two days I had to fast. I drank heavily one day prior before I did the movie. When I got on the set I felt really sick to my stomach. I wanted to turn around and run when I walked through the door and saw all the male porn stars and film crew standing there. I zoned out and wanted it to be over. I kept saying to myself, "this is going to be over in an hour. You can do it.". I wanted to break down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.

During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. I don't remember real well the pain and trauma I went through. After it ended, everybody wanted to take pictures with me and get my autograph. Here I am standing there with bodily fluids all over me and people wanted to take pictures with me. It was horrible. My body was sore the next couple of days and I wasn't right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn't able to use to the bathroom right either. My internal system was totally messed up.

SL: Did you lie to your fans and clients? What lies did you tell them?

ER: Of course I lied to my fans. I led them to believe I lived a fantasy life which was far from the truth. I fed into their fantasies. I said I wanted sex 24/7 and made it seem like I absolutely loved what I did and was living this happy life. I gave them hope and insight into their relationships by telling them what to do, or if I were with them what I would do to them. I started to feel like an important nobody, they knew Elizabeth Rollings, but they would never care to know Jan.

SL: Were you exposed to drugs and alcohol?

ER: Yes, the first time was at the 2006 AVN Porn Convention after party. I didnt do them but saw other porn stars using drugs. I was seriously tempted to but instead I got drunk and fooled around with a lot of other people in the "sex room" of the suite. I was still kind of new to the industry but I think after time, I would have used drugs. I always drank heavily before I did a movie.

SL: In your experience, how many other porn stars or sex workers use drugs and alcohol?

ER: I would guess around 90%. It becomes an escape route to reality, a temporary vacation from it all.

SL: What was the worst thing about the sex industry? Or a worst experience for you?

ER: The feeling that you are not in control of your own life. You have to submit to others (producers, agents, etc..) no matter HOW important you think you are, you're not in control. Being called a bitch and being told it was all apart of "acting" the part. Having men do disgusting things to me and even if it hurt, I had to make it seem like I was enjoying every minute of it. I hated it.

SL: Where was God while you were in the sex industry?

ER: In my heart and in my subconscious, pulling on my heart strings, painfully and patiently waiting. Many times God saved me from harm, especially from sexually transmitted diseases.

SL: Why did you leave the sex industry?

ER: I left because I was on the verge of suicide. I hated who I had become. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated not having any "real" relationships with people and most importantly I was desperate for love. There is a website on me for which I have no part in, the man who owns it will not take it down. I had a contract with him and put much time and effort into this site, but after 8 months of mental and emotional abuse, financial threats and much more, I chose to part ways with him. He made threats to "break" me financially because I wouldn't bend to his will. I told everyone I could that I wasnt associated with the site anymore and he was not happy about it. My nerves were shot, I couldn't take it anymore, I was physically sick and had to go to the ER for a nervous meltdown, enough was enough. I didn't care about my name anymore. I didn't care about a temporary financial fix. I wanted to be a good Mother for my children and show them that life is not about the easy way out of things, but about the road less traveled. I left for the sake of my sanity and my soul.

SL: Where are you now in rebuilding your life?

ER: I'm struggling with finances and I don't know how my bills are going to be paid, rent, food, supplies, but I know God is faithful and I'm NOT turning back again. I'm back in with my church and just started a job at Starbucks, for which I'm so grateful to God for. I'm honestly on the verge of losing a lot, but have a peace I haven't felt in years. I know God is with me and has a plan for my life.
3:16 AM 
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