Most of my friends from school (other than the faithful ones who annually drag themselves over Chinese New Year to see me) don't recognise me anymore. When they finally do, they can't believe that like Bumblebee and Barricade, I too, can transform! Yes, I am a transformer fan and I really believe in "more than meets the eye"! I guess walking around with boycut-like hairdos, baggy pants and big t-shirts back then while performing L.A. Boyz stunts in my hiphop dances in school painted an "ill" and strictly "no-no" image in their minds that couldn't be erased.

But heck it, I never shun at the thought of my image back then even when my dad's friend bumped into my 3 brothers and I in the airport and asked my dad gleefully, "You have FOUR sons?" Or when girls started paying attention to me in a funny way like I could be a potential BF candidate. Nope, not even when the guys made me their number one choice ONLY when they have to pick a girl to be apart of their team when it came to games or sports!

I confess that I may have not have looked as feminine as I could have, but who said it was a must? Still, I have always been a hundred percent girly alright cos I know what Cyndi Lauper meant when she sang "Girls just wanna have fun!". I was always up for fun. I probably would have strolled around goofily for eternity if I didn't land on my back and fracture my spine, thanks to a well-planned prank of my classmate. You wouldn't think a 14 year old kid could be more cruel than Megatron. I would have punished her severely like Optimus Prime and Starscream fused in one but she only confessed her sin to me recently...haha...but yeah, i realised it was time to be a little more delicate with myself.

So I grew my hair, grew comfortable with my looks and finally grew out of wanting to fit in with my brothers as one of the boys. But I'd say that was about the only transformation that took place. It all happened on the outside, but with my new shell, guys started opening doors for me and cars would jam-brake just to stop and let me cross the road, with or without zebra-crossings, in Malaysia.  Yes! Believe it or not, such drivers do actually exist in Malaysia! Haha...I was thrilled! Suddenly I could perform magic! Damn, if only it worked every time.

But all in all, I'd say, I'm still pretty much the same inside :) Aren't we all? We don't really grow up unless we have to, like while we're at work. I transform in to serious adult mode around strangers and people I work with and then I transform back into my gila babi mode when I'm back with my friends or family. Which one's the real me? BOTH. After all, Bumblebee's not just Bumblebee, the Robot. He really is, the Camaro too.

That said, I must say, I'm not always as crazy as I am on 8TV's Trippin'. I do unleash the fury of the kid in me who didn't have enough fun back then, but behind the cameras, during the long waits of having to set up the shoot and all, I sporadically slip back into my melancholic self abruptly. I'm sorry for scaring you with my quick transformations that are mind-blogging to myself too at times, my two director-producers, or more truthfully, my two friends on the crew, Keith and Iz. Haha...

Music is one of my sources of relief. And when your ipod runs out of battery, and there's no electricity or music anywhere close, nothing comes better than the genuine sounds of nature calling out to you and you calling back. Seating by the beach for Trippin's second episode while they were setting up was one hell of a good experience for me to just chill and entertain myself. Haha...I just love trippin' with my guitar, and singing my lungs out in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear me! 

It is often in the midst of all this unleashing moments, that I finally unleash my fresh new songs once again. And, I have.

Yay.  

 

BOH Cameronian Arts Awards 2006

Heading off to the party
you know you should always bring your own camera when you want the pics fast. lot's of people say, "Sure, I'll send it to you" or "I'll burn a copy for you"....but it almost never gets done...haha...and we rarely get mad at each other when it happens....i was gonna take that "risk" at the 5th Annual BOH Cameronian Arts Awards...just the thought of having to dangle that heavy camera on my wrists wasn't inviting especially when I'll be wearing a long dress and struggling on my 3 inch heels to stand right! I am a sucker for "killer" heels. otherwise, i'd just go on flats. why bother elevating yourself at all if the heels are too puny? i think they look kinda strange when they're just little stumps it's gotta be Stilettos or flats, no in betweens for me. anyway, thanks to the Phantom's (for those of you who still don't know who that is....find out here)persistent "Of course you should bring your camera!", I did. I only wished Kakiseni really gave me an extra ticket to bring my mom or dad....

making full use of my camera before entering the ballroom…hehe

a little reunion.

oops…we missed some of the fellas…

Douglas and I, just before we enter the ballroom

Looking back...
honestly, when a friend first called me to inform me about my nomination for the awards, i had no idea what it was. being new to the industry and having been ignorant to the life of the performing arts in malaysia before, i never realised they had something like tony awards here to acknowledge talents from our local theatre scene. after many other "congrats" from other friends, and having googled the awards myself, then only did i realise, there really was such a thing!

and then it struck me, "huh? i'm nominated for an arts award for my debut in theatre?"

Keeping it a secret

time slipped past quickly and i never gave much thought or spoke much about it to anyone. my family and friends seemed to be pretty oblivious to the award as well, and i figured it wasn't much to mention about since i was pretty sure i wouldn't win. i looked at the other nominees and i thought to myself, "my, did they make a mistake? how come i'm nominated against the other veterans in this industry for best solo performance - voice? even if i should be nominated, shouldn't i be nominated against newcomers in the most promising artist or newcomer category?" i'm still relatively new, and broken bridges was my first show. i only did one solo and it wasn't even longer than 2 minutes! it didn't make sense. nevertheless, i was more than happy to be nominated at all. it was a pleasant surprise, one that i consider a great blessing to be juxtaposed with talented artistes like the superstar douglas lim, veteran of the amazing "footstools" colin kirton,  powerful and classically-trained singer, Fang and the award-winning cheong whye mun. except for whye mun, i've witnessed all of them in action and i know just how incredible they are. And mind you, these people have been involved in theatre or tv for more than just several years, we're talking about long-timers here.

Surprise, surprise
anyway, meeting up with friends again at the awards was more than uplifting. this year, i've been focusing more on my music instead of theatre (apart from those done or associated with GT) so i've kinda forgotten the feeling of chilling out with these "gila" people haha. i also made some new friends, all of which are warm and friendly. i haven't met a single "lansi" person in the industry yet, only met those who think i am....haha...for only God knows the reason why!

i took a personality test before and noted that my melancholic levels were way higher than my other temperaments (sanguine, phlegmatic, & choleric) but i don't mean to offend anyone. there are times when i am a real extrovert and can be really noisy & hyper, but there are times i am so quiet and serious it seems as if i'm anti-social, sullen & to my latest knowledge from friends, aloof . well it's NOT REAL and not on purpose. i'm not the friendliest sort, but I never attempt to build meaningless friendships or relationships. i believe in Ali G's "keep it real" motto...haha.

the stage.

back to the subject. so there we were, at mandarin oriental's ballroom, my friends from Broken Bridges and I, seated side by side on a long stretch of chairs covered in white sheets. my white dress blended in so perfectly to the colour of the covers that I looked as if I was integral to the seat. still, nothing could ruin the mood then, we were all smiles. artistes from other productions were seated gleefully in their numbered spots too. we were all set. come whatever!

all of us seated in a row….

the commencement of the welcome to the introduction of the nominees of the awards passed swiftly. Edwin Sumun & Jit Murad were pretty entertaining hosts, not because they're funny or voluble, but simply because they seem to be very "themselves". I've always drawn a liking for people who are not afraid to be themselves. anyway, as a team, we (the broken bridges people) held our breaths and cheered with all our mights everytime a friend's name was mentioned as a nominee, and our hearts also sank together when they didn't win…but when it finally came to the announcement of the award, "Best Solo Performance – Voice" and the stills of the nominees came up on those 2 gigantic screens on the vanguard of the stage, i suddenly lost my sense of emotions. I glared at my pic on screen and thought "ew, why they put that pic of me there? yucks"….and as soon as jit said, "and the awards goes to…." i went a little faint for awhile. but finally, for the first time, I actually started to feel a little anxious, that perhaps, perhaps, I might actually win?

"….Janice Yap"

what? did I hear right? i turned and looked at james boyle sitting on my left. He nodded excitedly, clapping hardly. I looked at jia wei on my left as I clumsily got to my feet, struggling with my broken strap on my heels. She smiled widely with soon yoon cheering me on at her left….and then I did the most embarrassing and typical thing most girls would do. I went "oh!" and covered my mouth with my hand, "…I can't believe it!", but no, there were no tears...

walking to the stage, I felt a little light-headed…and when I received the heavyweight pewter trophy, I stood awkwardly in front of the mic, wide-eyed and abruptly silent. And jit in the background urged, "go ahead, it's all yours…"

"Erm…I wanna thank Joe, Faridah and the 2 scriptwriters, ky-gan & chuang yik for giving me this opportunity; for taking a chance on a newcomer. Er, I also want to thank my family & my friends for their support…and God….and you too, thank you"

not a very elaborate speech ay? Colin was right. you should always prepare a speech, just incase….but too bad.

believe it or not, I only took 2 photos with the award I received that night…this is one of them, with the babe of all babes that night! miss eva!

this is the other shot with maybel.

some friends suggested after the awards, "so, don't you think this award is really worth all your tears in broken bridges?" I disagreed, "You mean it's worth all the slaps that I had to endure from maybel". For those of you who don't already know, during Broken Bridges, I was slapped on the face every night, for every show….yes, it was a real slap every time. Again, as Ali G would put it, "Keep it real!" haha….

Heneiken's post party
pacific grill at mandarin oriental was quite alright. They cleared up much space to create a dance floor. not everyone stayed back for the party, but I thought I'd do so just so I could spend a little more time with friends and snap a couple more shots. We had quite a few things to celebrate – our reunion & the 5 awards that Broken Bridges bagged that night in at the BOH Cameronian Arts Awards 2006. The awards included, Best Musical Direction, The People's Choice Award, Best Production Values, Best Group Performance & Best Solo Performance-Voice. And since I just realised I didn't snap much photos at all through out the night, I thought it be my last chance to make up for it! So here's every one of them…not a lot, but better than none!

 

the phantom and i. did I mention that he's very good at taking self-shot photos?

so what next?

Shortly after the awards, Fang pulled me aside and said to me very sternly, "Girl, after all this, please don't tell me you're still thinking of going back to a normal 9-5 job! Don't be crazy." Fang was my director for Okiku, and a wonderful friend I met from Broken Bridges. She knew, I contemplated on rejecting a few opportunities because I was making plans to get back to a full-time job. Crazy?

I don't know.

Awards and recognition for something you do is not everything. It can be an ego-booster or in this case, as it is for me, a great encouragement to keep it going. I did think that as much fun as it was for me to work on Broken Bridges, my contribution to the whole production would have been as easily forgotten, but I'm happy that I was proven wrong.

Recently I've been nominated and am currently a finalist of the Blue Chilli Awards by KLue Magazine. They asked me, "What is success?".

I believe success, is living your life to the fullest; being who you are destined to be without forsaking the needs of others and the people you care about. Having said that, I really only want to continue pursuing my aspirations to be an international singer-songwriter & actress if it is God's will for me. I'm sure that if He had something else in mind for me, I'd be the happiest doing just that. I could be just one of the volunteers in church helping out with the performing arts team and a visual effects designer by day, or just a missionary at Bangladesh again and a indie-singer-songwriter doing my "thing" at gigs by night, or I could be back at being a full-time visual effects designer, or a full-time housewife in future or whatever and I'd still be happy if it was what I was meant to be and I could simultaneously touch the lives of others and bless the people I care about.

I'm taking it a day at a time.

Slowly but surely, although I'd always rather move much faster, with much prayer and hardwork, He will make things clearer.

But until then, thank you, my family, phantom, and my friends, for all your support and love.

What is a Cruxifixion?

Crucifixion is an ancient method of execution, in which the victim was tied or nailed to a large wooden cross (Latin: crux) and left to hang there until dead. It was a common form of execution from the 6th century BC to the 4th century AD, especially among the Persians, Egyptians, Carthaginians, and Romans. Crucifixion has gained notoriety in Christianity as a method used by the Romans to put Jesus to death, and the cross has become the main Christian symbol. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion)

A method of carrying out the death penalty which involved physical abuse of the victim, stripping him of all clothing, tying or nailing his arms and legs to a cross or stake, and abandoning him to die. The corpse was often partly eaten by scavengers. The body was generally denied a proper burial; it was tossed on a garbage heap. Crucifixion was widely used by Romans to execute slaves or rebels. (www.religioustolerance.org/gl_c.htm)

How does one die on the cross?

Death could come in hours or even days, depending on exact methods, the health of the crucified person and environmental circumstances.

A theory attributed to Pierre Barbet holds that the typical cause of death was asphyxiation. He conjectured that when the whole body weight was supported by the stretched arms, the victim would have severe difficulty exhaling, due to hyper-expansion of the lungs. The victim would therefore have to draw himself up by his arms, or have his feet supported by tying or by a wood block. Indeed, Roman executioners were said to break the victim's legs, after he had hung for some time, in order to hasten his death. Once deprived of support and unable to lift himself, the victim would die within a few minutes. If death did not come from asphyxiation, it could result from a number of other causes, including physical shock caused by the scourging that preceded the crucifixion, and the dehydration and exhaustion. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion)

Pop Quiz, Hot Shot!

Did you know that Jesus was crucificied as an innocent man? 

Did you know that He wasn't killed on the cross, but He gave up His life then instead?

Initially, the Roman Centurion and the soldier who pierced Jesus with a spear (after Jesus was dead) abused and crucified Jesus like any other criminal. They truly believed that He was a criminal, and why not, since the Chief Priests and their authorities said so? Who would be so cruel to sentence an innocent man to the most painful death anyway, right? The Holy Priests? But they're supposed to be holy. It can't be. And anyway, Jesus was "blaphemous". He claimed to be the Son of God, didn't he?  So, let us put it to test! Why not? If He is the Son of God, surely, He can save himself! No?

Maximus (the Roman Centurion) and Spartacus (the soldier who pierced Jesus after He died) were the two people who had every reason, or every made belief reason to crucify Jesus. They were convinced enough that Jesus deserved the penalty, to actually execute the sentence together. The cruxifixion was something that they have learned to enjoy, because the cruxifixion was made for criminals. They were doing the people a favour when they crucified the "thorns amongst the roses". But surprisingly, at the end, Maximus and Spartacus were also the same two people who loudly proclaimed Jesus as an innocent man, and the Son of God.

Who would have thought, that the very people who abused and crucified him would be the first amongst the raging mob to realise that Jesus was really innocent? And who would have thought that they'd also be the first to proclaim that indeed, He really is the Son of God?

Surely, they must have seen something extraordinary about Jesus as they abused Him and nailed Him to the cross! Surely, it must have blown their minds, that this man died on the cross by releasing His spirit to God, instead of having his legs broken! After all, every person who hung on the cross, hangs there for hours and even up to days as birds come and eat bits of them before they actually die. The only way for the crucified to die instantly or within minutes was if the soldiers were to break their legs.

 But, did Jesus really give up His spirit? If He did, then He couldn't have been a normal man if he had the power to do that now, would He? But why then, did he choose to die on the cross, humiliated, instead of bringing himself down from the cross at the very beginning?

Why? I don't understand. Or is it beyond my understanding? Was it necessary? What was he trying to prove? Why do they call him the Saviour? And what is he saving us from by dying?


"Shadows of the Cross" will be showing tomorrow night...

I can't wait.

No Black Tie, 26h March 2007

My girlfriend was invited to perform at No Black Tie this Monday, and guess who tagged along as the guitarist? Yup, you guessed it.

Although my schedule has been extremely tight the past few days, weeks even....how could I pass up the chance to introduce my brand of 'guitaring' upon the hapless patrons of No Black Tie? I admit, I was a bit unsure initially as I am more used to performing together with a full band (Sighh...oh how I miss HodgePodge).

This time around it was going to be just me, Janice Yap and our guitars. No fancy amplifiers, distortion and effects pedals to mask the mistakes which I will undoubtedly make.

Hurray :P





Practice makes purr-fect

As usual, due to a combination of procrastination and an overdeveloped sense of confidence in my ability to improvise, I didn't practice all that much before the performance. It wasn't till Sunday night that I realized "Shite! The show is tomorrow and I know nuts!"

What followed were a flurry of activities revolving around Janice running through her songs and me trying to strum my guitar and pluck at em' little strings. After a few hours of fooling around with the guitar, I felt reasonably comfortable.

Not too bad whut....

Can lah.




Break a leg

On that night itself, we performed 2 sets of 35 minutes each. The manager, Evelyn, of No Black Tie basically wanted to use this session to evaluate us (and by us I mean Janice...hahah), hence the slot on a Monday night. If she likes our sound, she'll book us for more prime slots on the weekends.

Should be interesting. I definitely wouldn't mind performing there again as the acoustics of the stage was pretty darn good. Being able to hear yourself, unlike at Laundry, sure makes a helluva lot of difference.

We'll see how it goes. As of now, we've been invited to perform in Attic and Alexis as well so it should be a pretty fun next couple of months.

Here are some pics taken from the night by Nick Tay and myself. Enjoy!
















(above: Janice and Sue Kheng)


(above: "Hmmm...Should I go to the loo now or wait till after the show?")


(above: Bryan, Charlene, Myself and Joanne)


(above: For those of you fellows who used to frequent Boom-Boom-Room back in the 90s, I am sure you will recognize Joanne Kam Po Po. She and Janice met during one show they did together and have hit it off pretty well ever since. On the right is Llew, the dude in charge of The Attic KL. Apparently, he liked my guitaring...so he's my new best friend)


(above: Alan and his girlfiend)


(above: Janice Yap with Nick Tay, our in-house photographer numero uno)


(above: Here are Stevie (right) and Johann (left). Stevie was kind enough to lend me his 'girlfriend' for the night. She was excellent! She made all the right sounds, felt good in my arms, and sat snugly on my lap. Magnifique!)

posted by Bernard Yong.

have you been to the MET?

if you're looking for a spot for some good folio shots, do it at MET! it's a hairsalon right next to Parkroyal Hotel. boys, if you have girlfriends who like to make you wait for them while they're busy touching up on their crowning glory, this is the ideal hairsalon to visit! they've got a lounge area with a nice long semi-circle couch and beauful view. what view? nothing REAL, but a nice painted backdrop.haha... nice place to snap some photos with your friends though.

nicole interviewed 7 of us. so we were assigned different spots to do our shots, and UNLUCKY me, i didn't get to take mine with the backdrop! bugger! so i resorted to my own camera....haha. i'm getting immuned to the fact that "it's a small world after all". i've been bumping into many people who's somehow connected to someone else i know. in this shoot itself, i found 2! whoala...


the preparation...ta-da!!!!!!! notice the wonderful backdrop??? do ya? do ya?


this is nicole. she's got a real jazzy-diva voice....so i was told...and so i heard for myself too! nice. i was delighted to find out how much things we had in common...check our her music at www.myspace.com/rhapsodyduo


adeline and i met just months before she participated in "miss malaysia" and here we are again!  was unexpected, but nice bumping into her again. she's hot right? well, she's not "miss malaysia" for nothing.


the boys took real quick to get past the makeup stage...as usual. and i must say, they're quite photogenic....their shots turned out real good.

many times, while at backstage or behind the scenes...i wish i was a man. people don't take so long to decide what you wear, and how to wear your hair and how to do your makeup. it's quite a hassle. if i was a man, i can put on any long sleeve shirt, a pair of jeans, style up my hair, put a lil foundation at most, and i'm done! but i'm not complaining....it's quite fun altogether getting to know the artistes.

i only feel the urge most when they start curling my hair. i have a "permaphobia". i really fear perming my hair!!!!! i don't like to have straight ironed-out hair, but i rather stick to what's natural...though i often envy the guess models with their thick, long, wavy, volumous manes...damn sexy (but they're mostly extensions, apparently). simply because my mom gave me a lot of perms when i was in primary school.

i used to cry after every perm and refuse to go to school because i was afraid that the other kids would laugh at me. but actually, no one ever did before...but as a child it didn't do much to my self-esteem then...i will always remember the poodle-dog hairdo that sent me weeping for hours. any of you share similiar experiences?

it'll take a while more til i'm really over this phobia...but going for shoots help pave the way for me to get there...it seems like most hair stylists just cannot resist in curling up my hair just cos i come into their salon with plain long straight hair. eeek!

but kudos to the MET & emil. the curls were nothing like those that i recall from childhood.

some people have the right skills, others have only the right looks, while some only have the right contacts, and some have it all, while some have none, and some just so happen to be there at the right place at the right time to make that one big hit...

in my case, i can say for sure, is that i'm blessed with a wonderful group of friends who believe in me and support me in pursuing my dreams. that, i think, is pretty rare. will i be making that one big hit anytime soon? i'd be sure to thank these people...but then why not do it now?

here, i'd like to especially thank the few people who have gone the extra mile in keepin' me goin and backing me up in prayer...


thank you, berrrr nerrrrd...haha...for being my backup guitarist whenever i need one...and for all your advice, love and support. thank you for always being my number 1 fan...haha...we'll chase our dreams and never forget where we came from -- fond pond!


thank you, hayhay and granny fong. the flowers you send me over and over before my shows/gigs never fail to paint a smile on my face. how many girls have these kind of girlfriends??? haha...thank you for always having me in your thoughts and for being my "marketing managers". but more than that, thank you for being crazy about this whole thing with me.

love

sometimes after a bad day, you'd like to come home to something....

what "thing"?

for me, the 1st runner up's definitely not coming home to a radio playing "you had a bad day" by daniel powter....or travis' "why does it always rain on me"....maybe something like "raindrops keep fallin on my head" would do me a lil better...haha...but that's only if i come home to music at all.

first prize would go to my dog, of course. she's always 112% happy to see me.

but other days like today when my player's power cable's out, and my dog's not around, i'd have to come home to something else.....and the 3rd runner up goes to....photos. funny ones.

backstage photos always do me good...it's funny when you see those photos and remember what you were doing backstage amidst the seriousness of the show.  well, it's ALL A SHOW. there we were on stage acting all serious and tragic, but the moment we're at the back...we start singing songs like "ai yi yai yi yai, i'm your little butterfly! green, black & blue make the colours in the sky!" haha... backstage's where all the fun is...


ok...to begin with this ain't a backstage shot..haha...but this is a keeper! behold, lord aoyama's sister! you don't get to see this in the real show!



it pays to be early before show. you finish your la-di-da's first and get to kacau everyone else.



luisa is a great actress, on and off stage....she's not actually in pain or all that frightened...



yupp, this is how you tie a kimono...you need skill! skill!



have you seen okiku?



no, i haven't.



cool shot eh? kudos to the lighting



ah, this is mr. light guy, tan eng heng! his lighting skills are brilliant...the fella's won quite a few awards for boh cameronian and chinese theatre too, don't mess!



corrine sandwhiced between the janices' (janice lim, our stage manager, on the right)



cool new friends we made from shu uemura. some more from shunji matsuo.



last but not least, the bloody plates that cost me my life. and surprise, surprise, they're not delft porcelain after all.

2 girls with the same tragic end.

nope! i don't enjoy playing tragic roles. they're draining & sometimes they make you feel really depressed and "sien" to the point that u might take it out on someone or your other work.

so i hesitated taking up Okiku. i was invited for the role...but i knew what Okiku was about...and because she had a tragic end like mei ling, i thought "heck, i don't wanna play the same role again!". but after doing my own research on Okiku and discussing the part with directors Fang & Kimmy...i thought, this will be a REAL challenge alright.

mei ling started off as a headstrong girl...but dies surrendering all hope to her fate. okiku on the other hand is vice versa...she starts off as a softspoken unnoticed kinda figure, but dies dignified and standing her ground defending her rights. so similiar and so different at the same time. i would like to make this happen...to be able to show the difference between these 2 girls who share the same fate. so i took on the job! but i gotta admit, this whole japanese stylised idea of Okiku was the big magnet that drew me to the decision :)

but what's so challenging about Okiku anyway? well, at least to me...these were the challenges i faced.



tonight's the opening nite. i hear we've got a full house and the tickets were only sold out within hours before the box office closed. i'm all geared up to do my best tonight! whoo hoo!