Hey everybody. What I'm about to blog might sound like a cliche and may really annoy some people but I have to write.
I have a friend who is really really ill and it's got me doing a lot of thinking. It's really important to be as happy as we can and make the most of our time. Life is pretty precious. I moan all the time. I moan when I'm cold. moan when I'm hot. I moan when my heels are too high and my feet hurt. I moan that I didn't have babies yet. Well I'm going to be happier with what I DO have rather than moaning about what I don't.
I went to a beautiful wedding in Brighton this weekend. the couple are so in love and the sun was beating down and it was HAPPY.
I hope you all had a great weekend.
Love Karen

I went to see Goldfrapp last night at Union Chapel, Islington. It was absolutely beautiful. The most perfect setting for the new album. She's like a doll and they were all in white like angels. Alison is incredibly shy and hardly said a word but her voice was so gorgeous in the little chapel with a backdrop of the alter and burning candles. It's very different from the last tour but if you get a chance to go then you should. Highlights - Jed Lynch on the drums who drummed on "Run Run Run" and the fact that Alison Goldfrapp os older than me - Weheeeeey!

So I just got back from a class (I know you're wondering why on earth I wasn't at the Brits accepting "Best TT support award" but I didn't have time to go!) and I wanted to share a few great things I learned.
One quote I loved was this.
"Life is not a problem to be solved but an experiment to be lived"
I am such a naughty one for not living in the moment and it's something I really want to change. Not I'll be happy when..I get a record deal, hunky boyfriend!! I'm actually happy now. There's nothing wrong with desiring more as long as you can be happy with what you have too.
I also learned that brain patterns do not settle into regularity until the third decade which explains many things about the young and the old(er)
Self discovery is REALLY important and if you don't do it many things become suppressed. This is often what a midlife crisis is. Then people crave solitude - which is a great thing - and one can find time for a voyage of Self discovery.
BON VOYAGE!
PS Don't you just love Mika's lady drummer?

Last night I went to see the film "The Savages" which contained a number of dysfunctional relationships.

My best line in the film was "Are you married?"

"No, but my boyfriend is"

It was pretty sad actually. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney were brilliant as always.
Definitely worth a look!

I was at my friends house the other night. We gave her kids (Joe - 5 and Grace - 3) a bath. Joe asked me if my toenails were red because I supported Manchester United?
"Yes" I said wanting to be everyone's friend "Who do you support Grace" I asked.
"Pink" she replied quick as a flash! I secretly support the colour pink more than Man U too but didn't like to upset Joe.

Later Grace asked me "Do you have a little girl?"
"No" I said
"Do you have a little boy?"
"No" I said beginning to feel a bit Bridget Jonesesque
"Do you live in a shoe?" she said with the straightest face in the world ever.
"Yes", I said. "One with a VERY high heel"

I love kids

MANCHESTER

I go up to Manchester 2 nights before the rest of the band to do some TV and Radio interviews. Manchester is at fever pitch with Take That back in their hometown at the MEN. Every time a radio is on they are being talked about. Getting up at six and slapping make up on so early knowing I am going to be singing on TV isn't as glamorous as I once thought it might be, but the people in Manchester are SO friendly. It's a world away from London. I'm glad my friend Betty has come with to keep me company and help out. We come back to the hotel after running around all day and there are loads of Take That fans in the lobby. As I'm standing at reception Jason walks in. It's such a strange thing but I'm the only person to notice him. I'm sure the girls have waited for hours but they are chatting away and just don't see him. He's on the phone so we say Hi and he dashes into the lift.

Betty and I go to the spa for a spray tan. On the way up in the lift after I'm holding my bra and knickers and wearing a robe and I'm just sure (so sure!) that Mark or someone will get in the lift. I get away with it and hide in my room while I turn orange until I can shower it off in the morning.

My band arrive the next day and we have some Christmas dinner at the hotel (Am I the only person who likes Turkey?) I am absolutely knackered by now as even when I am not getting up at 6am, the hotel seems to give me the same wake up call however much I tell them I don't want it. So I go to bed early so I'm not tired for the next day. The boys go out (my band) but I make them promise not to stay out too late/get too hammered.

I wake up the next morning having taken the phone off the hook to avoid the 6am alarm (Betty forgot and was woken) The bed at the hotel is so comfortable that I never want to leave it but gig day has arrived. I get up and start doing my vocal exercises as I might not have much time later, I wonder what the poor people in the next room think. We all arranged to have breakfast at 10.45 but as usual I am the only one on time – closely followed by Roxy (keyboard) and Angelique (cello) The boys are another story. We eat and then go off to a rehearsal studio for some run throughs of the set as we haven't rehearsed since Wednesday. Most people don't rehearse on the day of gigs but it makes me feel much more secure. I haven't been doing this long enough to take any chances but most artists like to rest their voices until the actual gig. We only do one run through and it all goes well and we play a new song that we have all been working on. It's actually a lot about Jason so it seems appropriate. He has been an enormous influence in my life. He is a very special man and I felt I wanted to write a song expressing a few things about it. It's not quite ready to perform though so we won't do it tonight.

Off we go to the Manchester Evening News Arena. We are shown to our dressing room and then soundcheck. We are on the stage next to Sophie Ellis Bextor's rig and today she soundchecks first. Her son is dancing on the stage next to her as she sings. He's very cute jumping around next to her. Its' also nice to see that her whole family are there. I spot her Mum too. It must be hard to be on a massive tour like this when you have a child but her little boy looks happy as Larry!
When they are done we soundcheck. Last week I had trouble hearing the keyboard so I make sure it's loud enough this time otherwise I have nothing to tune too. I feel like I'm singing better than last week and I'm definitely feeling more relaxed. Back to the dressing room. I've been eating like a pig in Manchester so I'm a bit worried about getting the sequined catsuit on. It used to be Lulu's. She gave it to my vocal coach, Sonia Jones, and she has given it to me. I thought it might be good luck wearing something of Lulu's because of her Take That connection. I manage to get it on and soon enough it's time to go on stage.

The Arena is much fuller than in London. My manager has changed the running order of the songs at the last minute so we haven't rehearsed in this order. I've never started a set with this song (Big Fat Cow) so I just have to go for it. It starts with me singing rather than a musical intro. The band walk on the stage and the Arena goes really dark, much darker than it did in London. There are glowsticks and fluorescent ears everywhere and it looks AMAZING. People are waving their sticks in time to the music and I feel really in the moment this time. I can't quite believe it. Here I am. A thirty something woman who has only recently discovered she can write songs. All of a sudden I really get how big this is. I think in these situations you have to think yourself through them. I just know that these things don't come along that often so I want to relish it. Also I want so much more to happen so I have no choice but to do my best. Take That inviting me to do this is a massive gift. It's the chance of a lifetime. We've worked really hard on the songs, the show and the dancers but it's up to me in the end.

I can see Jason's brother Simon and his wife Shell in the fourth row sitting with my Mum and Dad so it's nice to have support so near the front. The second song is Tinker boy and the dancers come on behind me and do a sexy little routine. I take my jacket off before this song and by mistake it lands on the running order of the songs. I then tell a story about the next song "Never Trust a Drummer" It's about a drummer I was seeing (I'll call him Bob) who was supposed to do these gigs with me. We were hanging out loads and getting on really well. He was only 28 (too young for me obviously!) but it was fun. One day I went to do a job with a load of musicians and I got talking to these two girls who know him too. We were just having a casual chat and they asked me if I'd met Debs. I said "Who's Debs?" and they say "Bob's wife" Can you believe it. This guy was MARRIED!!
Obviously that was the end of our relationship, both drumming and romantic. I was totally shocked, so for me the best thing to do is get something positive from the experience and write a song. I introduce it and look round at Sam, my drummer, and everyone looks a bit blank. I realise from their faces that I've missed a song out. Oops. Lulu's bloomin jacket on the set list! Angelique is ready to play the cello for "Run" but they all just get on with it and Sam saves the day and gets the tempo for the drummer song quickly. I go back to the song I missed after but it does throw me a bit. Also, it means we sing two ballads in a row, which isn't ideal.

After this it goes by in a flash and I really enjoy it. The Manchester audience are warmer than London and the Arena is fuller. We come off stage and we are all buzzing. Take That didn't watch tonight as they are all in hospitality with their family and friends as this is their hometown. I bump into Jason's Mum and Dad backstage. It's lovely to see them. They are so warm and friendly. We go off to catering. It's funny backstage at these things. It's so bright and unglamorous. Big breezeblocks and stone floor and I'm walking round in false eyelashes and a sequins!

We go to a club after but I'm not much of a clubber. It's so loud so soon we go back to the hotel bar. It's swarming with Take That fans. Jason and Mark are in there and Sophie Ellis-Bextor with her husband Richard from The Feeling and the rest of her party. I've been in the hotel for four nights but have been to bed early every night. I wonder if it's like this after the Take That concert every night. Mark comes over and we have a nice chat.

It must be very odd for them to have all this adulation again after 10 years off. The fans are much older but they really are involved. I find the fan thing fascinating. I think it's wonderful to get so involved in music that it makes a person behave so strongly but it does worry me that people don't have enough going on in their own lives that they want to sit in a hotel all day waiting for men that are (mostly) in relationships. Mark says that he watched my gig at the O2 from the side of the stage. I'm really pleased. He says he really likes my songs and the way they have developed musically. He really is totally charming with the best smile ever. We stay up far too late. I leave Betty and my very drunk band members in the bar to chat up the remaining fans long after Take That have gone to bed. It's 4.30am and I'm knackered and climb into the best bed in the world.

I wake up at 10.30am go downstairs and meet everyone for breakfast. It's all over. I'm gutted and relieved and waiting for the next challenge.

SUPPORTING TAKE THAT

It's the day before the first gig at the O2. We have a rehearsal all day with the 2 dancers that are in two of the songs. Our set is 20 minutes and we are trying to squeeze in 6 songs. It's been hard choosing which ones. Everyone has different opinions about which songs to sing and of course this gig is not just about me but about warming the crowd up for Take That. I'm also trying to bear in mind which songs are Jason's favourites. So we've gone as upbeat as possible and the dancers were also in the Shine video so they know their stuff.

The rehearsal goes well. I'm on edge but it calms me down when it all goes smoothly. My band are amazing. We've only been playing together for about 10 weeks since I was given the support slots. Jason told me about the dates and asked me to think about whether I'd like to do them and to let him know. I said I really didn't need to think about it and the answer was definitely "YES"

I've been friends with Jason for 15 years now, since Take That the first time around. I only began writing songs a few years ago and he has been amazingly supportive of my music. He really loves it, listens to it and wanted me to showcase it on their tour. What an amazing opportunity.

I don't sleep very well the night before the gig and I wake up early, a mixture of excitement and nerves. I can't eat my breakfast properly in the morning (rare for me not to be able to get a meal down me) and I get ready and go off to the rehearsal studio to meet the band. I have a lot to remember. My costume, make up, tickets for people etc. We have one last run through at the studios and then all load in the van. Off to the O2 we go.

Half way there the boys (my guitarist Cameron, drummer Sam and bass player Mark) start chanting "Drive through, drive through, drive through" at the tour manager who is driving, so he does a quick turn and we stop at Mcdonalds. I feel bad because I have to get a black sequined catsuit on in 3 hours but I also realise I won't eat again until after and I haven't eaten all day. We get going again and all of a sudden the traffic stops flowing. There's been an accident in the Blackwell tunnel which stands between us and the O2 Arena. There are helicopters and tons of police and it's 3.45 and we have to be at the O2 at 4pm to get all of our equipment in for soundcheck. I start panicking a bit inside. It doesn't help my nerves but there is nothing anyone can do. At last we start moving again and finally arrive at the venue. I've seen lots of Take That shows over the years but I've never been in the backdoor before. It's so exciting.

I'm shown to my dressing room and while the guys load the equipment in, I have my make up done. I am called to soundcheck just after 5pm. The Arena looks massive and there are people milling around everywhere getting things ready. Soundcheck always scares me as I have to sing on my own with no instrumentation behind me to make sure the vocals are the right levels. As I'm singing away all on my own Howard walks in and waves. Then I look to the right of the stage and Mark is standing there with a big smile on his face. Then I really start getting nervous. I'm a massive fan of Take That but also of Marks solo stuff. I've been to see loads of his gigs and he is so good live. I think he realises he's making me a bit nervous and disappears. Then I see Jason walk in and he sits down and stays for the rest of soundcheck. He comes onto the stage and says Hi at the end and we all go back to the dressing room. More make up and then I have to do a vocal warm up (boring) I don't know where that hour goes but all of a sudden my manager Paul says it's tome to go on.

My heart is pounding. I've never played to more than about 200 people before and this venue holds 18,000. On I go. I feel like I've just been pushed into a very deep pool. I sing the first song, the dancers are behind me and I look up and see myself on the massive screen. I take a deep breath and remember the most important thing, to enjoy it.

It goes really well and very quickly. 20 minutes feels like about 5 and all of a sudden it's over. Jason is the first person I see as I go down the steps from the stage. Ever encouraging he says it was brilliant.. The band are all on a high. I go straight upstairs to see my friends and family who were watching. My Mum looks like she is going to pass out. She was so nervous. Everyone says it was great.

I run back down to find the band. The boys are in catering of course. Now the show is over their attention turns to back to their stomachs. The food looks great but I'm too excited to eat. I bump into Gary, who says I look like I've lost loads of weight (second highlight of the night!) we have a little chat and then I go back to my friends. We watch Sophie Ellis Bextor and then of course the Take That show. It's absolutely spectacular.

We have to leave before the end of the night as all of our stuff has to be out. It's Take That's last night at the O2 so the second they come off stage the roadies will pack up, making way for Led Zeppelin who are next up.

Off we drive in our little van while I look back knowing that I am missing the encore. I wonder if the boys will demand another burger on the way home! Back to reality – until next week. Here we come Manchester!

I am completely in love. The only problem is that I am in love with Henry from Ugly Betty. He is so perfect. Is that odd?Maybe I'm too old to fancy character from the telly?

I have a funny feeling that getting a record deal might be easier than getting a (normal, decent) boyfriend. Admitedly at the moment I have neither!
I've been waiting longer for a (normal, decent) boyfriend than for a deal and I just have this feeling that a deal is more likely. Which isn't such a bad thing I suppose.
What do youuuuuu think?

KB xx

Yesterday I was walking along playing Roger Waters on my ipod. It was very scary. There are so many sound effects it was like being in a movie. First I thought someone was doing a wee by me. Then I thought someone was running up behind me. It went on and my heart was pounding but I couldn't turn it off because it's sooooo good. try it.
Then I went to see Yann Tiersen at Scala. He did the music for Amelie. It was very rocky, not like the Amelie music at all, but good. He played accordian, violin, toy piano and guitar. Hmpph - clever old Yann!