There's a lot of panic and froth in the U.S. media right now about the "Crisis on Wall St." and whatever else can be summoned up to instill fear in the general public about the economy. While I believe that the current state of how things are run (read: lots of rich jerks getting richer, while the rest of us drift down from solid middle class to working poor) needs to be altered in a big way, I really resent the short-sighted, forget-about-history take that the media seems to always put forth.

I was beginning to fall prey to the nail biting after the AIG news broke. And then I thought to myself, wait. At that point, I asked my mother, who is a Baby Boomer, whether people were this scared during the gas crisis of the 70's, and the recession of the Reaganomics era...that's the 80's to those who don't know. The 80's saw the emergence of the AIDS crisis, small farm destruction, the S&L scandals, the Iran hostage crisis.... My mother was blunt...of course people were this scared, she told me.

But recall, that her generation grew up in the age of fear. Fear of the Red Communist. Fear of The Bomb. Rock & Roll was seen as a big evil thing. Modern drugs were making their first appearance, nobody knew yet how harmful some of them could be, even the approved, legal ones. Ever hear of thalidomide babies? LSD experimentation in the Army?

Nuclear fallout drills were conducted everywhere in the U.S. The McCarthy hearings looked for "commies" in every shadow. My parents recall that the sense of constant paranoia, of fear-mongering (mostly conducted by our own government), that was what brought on the rebelliousness of the 60's and 70's. My mother is of the opinion that the sudden onslaught of political assassinations was was broke the dam. She remembers the hope and positive joy that JFK's election brought, and how it was all destroyed, her entire generation brought to its knees by the death of that man.

I think that we're teetering on the edge of social revolution right now. The younger generations of today have less patience for...well, anything, than those Baby Boomers had. They also have better networking, fewer restrictions, and fewer inhibitions.

We haven't had the lifelong dosing of fear, repression, and xenophobia that my parents' generation had, though. I worry a bit about what kind of changes people younger than me might think are appropriate, and what measures they might take. My GenX generation was the computer/tech revolution generation - some would say that it hasn't been a resounding success (hacking, viruses, id theft), but we can't really lay claim to much else. We've been called a lazy generation, the Slacker generation...but I think that's probably an overstatement. Oh, wait, we came up with grunge...yay, us. What I can say for us is that most of us remember the end of the Communist bloc, the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of apartheid - we learned from those things, at least, I feel that we did.

This following generation, Gen Y, or one of the many other terms applied (Millenials, Echo-Boomers), they have seen other things. Unrest in African nations, two Gulf Wars, 9/11, as well as many other acts of hate and terrorism around the world. These events have caused only ripples in my generation, as far as influence and development go. For Gen Y, they have likely been formative events, ones that shaped who they are. I have no idea what this means for these young people yet; I'm only a sociologist from afar. On one hand, they've had access to things that were only imagined in previous generations, and have developed a sense of entitlement as a result. On the other, they've been witness to horrors that my parents never saw, because everything was edited and sanitized for those growing up in the 50's and 60's. Today's world pulls no punches. We see dead bodies in every news source, and there is no filter strong enough to prevent every child from seeing it

We Gen X'ers are heading into a stage of climbing the power ladder. I believe we have a responsbility to the Gen Y youth to help them through this period of growing pains, so that we can eventually be partners in the world that we will surely shape and lead together. Even though many of us are parents now, and want to devote our energies to our own children, this Gen Y group consists of our siblings, in both a literal and a figurative sense. It's our job to continue being big brothers and sisters, and lead by example, guide them through these rough waters. We're old enough to have had some experiences they have not had, but not so old that they see us as their parents, as bossy or domineering.

This is what has been on my mind, troubling me in some sense or another as I watch my younger relatives hurtle through their days, plugged entirely into their technologically wondrous world. They barely surface long enough to remember what eye contact is at times. And then I have hope, as when I heard my nephew (a junior in college) actively attends protests, such as when he protested a certain political event at beginning of this month. He and his girlfriend engaged in a real, passionate conversation with me about their beliefs, and what bothers them in this day and age. It was a true ray of sunshine to hear them have such strong convictions.

Things have felt a little overwhelming around here, so I haven't been putting as much time into blogging. I'm thinking, actually of migrating my blog, and linking to it through here, so I'm looking into that idea when I have the motivation to do so.

Had to go get the older kiddo from school, he's running a temp, and they have policies...I was several towns away, getting ready to shop at Target for necessities. Whole morning/day down the tubes. Bah.

Read this disturbing little piece (it's political, be forewarned) on Time this morning: www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1837918,00.html
It tends to confirm for me the creepy vibes I've been having about the coming election. I know that lots of people have VERY different opinions about this whole thing - to that I simply say, vote your conscience, whatever it may be, but please vote.

Also did this fun little meme thing: www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp takes your birthdate and tells you silly stuff, but also tells you (if you're faint of heart, don't do it) on what day you were probably conceived (ftw~!). And if you go to the other end of their meme's, you get www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp
which tells you all sorts of silly things about your name, and since I used my real first name, I felt it was pretty spot on. I'll have to test it for my husband and kids....

We're back, after a weeklong trip to Minnesota.

My husband's niece (mine too, technically, but I met him when she was a senior in high school...we have always had an adult to adult relationship, even though I'm nearly ten years older than she is) was getting married in the outskirts of Minneapolis. We decided that driving out there was cheaper than flying, and probably more interesting anyway. It would be a revisit to my childhood travels out west every other summer (to my mother's family in Montana).

We couldn't take the rental minivan further west in Canada than Toronto, though, so we were stuck with the U.S. route, which takes you past the horrors of Chicago's outer highways. We probably would have taken three hours longer than we did if not for our rental's GPS, which deftly wove us through the labyrinthine and incomprehensible areas of that trip section. In fact, we're pretty whipped on the borrowed GPS now. We were trying to come up with a name to call her by, with her always-calm, placid tones, guiding us through even the tightest traffic spots. We had settled on one name, but we know someone with the same name, so I think Amelia will have to do. It saved our butts a number of times.

My husband, by his own choice, wanted to do all the driving. I was ok with that, except that I had to be the person to scramble in back every time the kids wanted anything, and be the mean mommy when I was not willing to do something. It's not the greatest trade-off, but I admit that I don't enjoy driving as much as I used to. The other thing is that I can't read in the car...makes me nauseated, and I usually end up eating instead, because I'm bored. This time, I could at least shove the seat back and watch a show with the kids. We ran through every Pixar movie we own, plus the Polar Express twice.

We went to Mall of America, and let the kids ride on the Nickelodeon rides. We stopped at Cooperstown and Howe Caverns...there's more, but I'm still too whacked out from riding to think straight. So it'll have to wait until later!

Apparently, I made the short-short list for webook. But not the final choice list. I'm really too worked up about it still to write very much, but apparently it was too genre, which I worried about, and can never seem to think of a way out of...and too long, another issue

I think that the hardest part is that I'd hoped to find someone who was willing to give me a chance, sign me on, and give me the push in editing. I'm at a total loss. It's been ten years of trying my ass off to figure this out. I don't know what I'm doing now at this point.

Now, literally, it is small, in terms of what I would one day love to be able to do. I have two 6'x6' patches, and two patches that are about two feet wide, and run the front of our house. Therefore, I had to ignore all the suggestions about how closely to plant the seeds or plants, and just go for broke. It's an experimentation year, to see where I need to do things next year, and to hopefully end up with some food in the process. A little over a month ago, this is how it all looked:

Snapdragons, daylilies, dill, and garlic.

Grape tomatoes and lettuce

 romaine lettuce, tomatillos, more lettuce, onions, brussells sprouts, onion, watermelon, parsley, celery, greek oregano, and cilantro

Caulifower (bolted), swiss chard, purple brussells sprouts, serrano chilis, tomato, peas, artichokes, garlic, purple basil

and in the front, strawberries.

When it stops raining, ever, I will take new photos so everyone can see how overgrown it's gotten

Well, both boys have had some sort of bug, I guess. I've never seen a tummy bug that causes a kid to throw up once a day, but whatever...it has to be, I think, since they have both done it now. I would call it environmental if one of the adults in the family had also done so, but we're both fending off whatever it is...despite my husband not understanding the concept of disinfecting after a throwup session. The little guy threw up first at 1am on Tuesday night, then once in the afternoon, and then again at 3am last night. He's a pro by now, and runs straight for the bathroom when he feels it coming on. The big one has finished his run with this now, after tossing his cookies about three or four times. No idea where this has come from.

So, I've been woken two nights in a row, while also knowing that I needed to get up early, if I wanted to be able to run. 4:50 is when I have my phone alarm set for. It gives me enough time to talk myself into sitting up, as long as I hit the snooze. You can read, lately, about research that suggests patterning sleep just like this, on purpose. I'm not sure yet whether I would recommend it; this being woken in the middle of the night, and getting up at the crack of unholy, rosy-fingered (not usually) dawn. I hit the slump around...four pm, and have to schlep around or dance to keep awake. I also can lift the old weights, on the deck, where I can look at the swaying trees, and listen to elderly folks holler at each other in the senior housing behind our house. Actually they're not too bad, it's the alarm systems that are installed throughout, since it's like a giant dormitory system. Lately, these alarms are being tested on a daily basis. It's like having some strange form of tintinnitus, with buzzing klaxons going off in the background constantly.

Running at dawn is nice in one way; it's quiet, less traffic is on the road, and the air is cooler. On the downside, there are streetlights for only about the first 3/4 mile. After that, it's state forest. There are people that live down in there, so I could find someone if I had to, but it feels a little creepy at that time of the morning. I'm on high alert as I run along through there, trying to listen for unusual sounds, looking for cars just sitting in the half-light, running through my tactics. When the cold weather sets in, it would be my only option to keep running outside, this solo running at dawn. The only problem then is how dark it still is. It's dark enough then that I have to wear highly reflective gear. I'm hoping that I can get a 6 month membership somewhere instead. But, tomorrow, instead of running, I may ride my bike. My leg is having some trouble, and I need to give it some rest.

Now, with some discipline, I have dropped about ten pounds. My dresses ought to fit really well if I can keep this up for the rest of this month.

I'm still waiting to hear about the webook results, but Melissa, who is a staffer, told me that my book was a big hit with the entire staff at webook. I think she was trying to give me a silent thumbs-up, that I could remain optimistic. If they do offer me a contract, I will have to then call my friend Andi in California, to go over it, because she's the only lawyer I'm closely acquainted with. She and I were bunkmates in officer candidate school, and roommates with two other lieutenants later on. I've always told her that she'll be my legal eagle if I finally hit the publication level.

Now I need to go find a sweatshirt, because I'm getting cold.

Had a little fun with the neighbors the other night. I guess I was celebrating, internally, because I don't tend to toot my own horn, as it were. The only problem was, earlier in the evening, we were in a freshly finished basement room, replete with new carpeting and paint, and two new recliners. I smelled the smell of telltale newness, otherwise known as VOC's. More and and more, we're finally being told the dangers of being in the midst of these emanations. Unfortunately for us, it totally slipped out of my mind to say anything, or even to think about limiting my kids being down in there, which I really should have done.

The next day, I woke up feeling kinda blah, figuring that it was just that I'd been up until 2am, and overdid it a little with eating and tippling. Then my older son deposited his breakfast all over his room. I still am not sure whether that was it - explanation final, but having looked at symptoms of acute VOC exposure, it fits what he and I were both feeling. Yuk.

I feel a little spinny and think that I may need to lie down in a bit to stop feeling so stupidly happy about this, as I went to bed last night thinking that I had failed miserably in the webook quest.

I got up, not wanting to check the internet, but wanting to. I was running off this idea that it mattered how many votes my project got.

I guess I needed to read a little more carefully, or else, the site was not as explicit about this as they could have been - it turns out that the ratings were what matter.

So, I put off checking webook until I had checked other things, and then, grudgingly went to the site, and clicked, even more hesitantly, on the "vote results" link. Whuh????

My book was at the top. Well, I figure, this must be another one of the webook randomizer settings (they have the top writers set to randomize as you look around, as well as people's projects). So, I click on the "what does this mean" link on the results page, because, really, I haven't a clue.

But the light dawns over me. I have somehow, against my fears, come up on top. My book was rated 1 out of the some 238 projects submitted. Not a huge number, I know, but big enough for what webook is (an infant itself).

So, my thanks to everyone who voted from here. No, REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still have to wait a week or two for the "professional" review process, which will select the final projects out of the finalists. But if I was tops, it has to mean that the universe isn't totally against me, like I might have thought...unless I got zapped somewhere else in the middle of the night. But in that case, my husband would not have been in his usual Saturday crankiness this morning....

I think I need my inhaler.

If you've already voted for me, I send you a heartfelt thanks!

For those of you who are undecided, or haven't had time, please, take 5 minutes or so out of your day, and click on some stars for me, a struggling author!

It's easy. All you have to do is go to webook.com, and sign up for a user name and password, they ask you nothing else, they don't spam, period. Then, you go to my project, at www.webook.com/project/sleep and click on the stars in the comment box to lodge a vote. You can leave a Hi, howareya, but it's not required. You can read what I wrote, which would make me happy, but if you'd rather vote first and read later, that's fine too.

Perhaps it will inspire you for the next voting cycle, if you have any type of writing you'd want to enter into competition.

You can look at my profile at www.webook.com/member/kategray

and,

THANKS!!!!