Almost two years after the infamous 9/11 release of The Best Of The Red Peters Comedy Music Hour, Vol. 1, the reviews keep rolling in.

Let me just flip through some of the reviews here...hmmm, don't have any. Must have misplaced them.

Fortunately, though, Red's timeless comedy still rates with "world-traveling German mother of two" and prolific epinions.com author knotheadusc, whose July 19 review raves, Red Peters and friends at their absolute raunchiest!!! [exclamation points added].

The indefatigueable knotheadusc (not her real name) devotes a sentence or two to all 19 tracks on Red's funny, funny, compilation, and says this about my own Her Shit Don't Stink:

Ken Turetzky sings a somber number called Her Sh*t Don't Stink, a harmonica accented song about a woman who thinks she's better than everyone else. I bet a lot of us know someone like this. I like the way Turetzky sings this song, almost with a slight snarkiness that makes me think someone special inspired it.

Just imagine what Poland's besieged Jewish community might have accomplished with the informational and emotional resources of Twitter and Psychology Today, had they been available back in 1944.

Oy! The tragedy! Even today, Twitter, with its inexhaustible cache of self-styled #lifecoachweasel(s) and green-themed avatars, has stoked me with the emotional support to weather such traumatic events as Iran election riots and the John and Kate divorce.

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Seems like its only been a century since Tyrone Kahn took up podcasting, but he's actually concluded two seasons of the Kahn Man's Comedy Corner.

As the Season 5 (including three seasons streaming on the Live365 network) Finale drops on iTunes, the excitable Kahn Man is already planning new business for his return in September.

For one thing, the Season 6 opener will introduce Tyrone's latest single. Can't tell you the title, but think Beatles parody, following his 2008 mega-hit Let Me Pee.

Podcast: Poddycast
Date: November 20, 2008
Title: Episode 4

If only I'd gotten there sooner. I could have written a little something, promoted Marc's show a bit, and perhaps Poddycast would still be with us.

But the U.K.-based podcast ceased production in January after 21 episodes, and its old domain returned to the soil, yielding only a 404 error.

I used to try to write good content for my site, but that was before I discovered SEO.

SEO, sometimes called Search Engine Optimization, is a magical tool that uses words to trick Google into thinking your Web site is important. As a result, thousands of people visit your site and you get spectacularly rich.

It's just that simple.

Now, regular people like me lack the skills to exploit SEO to best advantage. We must consult Twitter to find SEO specialists, or, as Hyper Nonsense co-host Shawno Gordo calls them, SEO social marketing expert genius douchebags.

Bad spellers welcome

Even without SEO, though, my site has proved quite popular for some very valuable search terms — especially among people who can't spell.

For instance (these are actual search terms visitors used to reach my site), turetzkysyndrome.com is No. 1 among 42.3 million sites on AOL and Google for the phrase Commedy music.

Alas, spell "comedy" correctly and my site drops to No. 6. Still lands me on Page One, though!

Thanks to the rich content in posts such as this one, I'm No. 1 on Google for comedy music podcast and No. 2 for how to write a comedy song and morris the cat 9 lives song lyrics.

The term shit dont stink song delivers a 1-2 punch, and I'm No. 1 for big purple asses, No. 2 for cheesy porn music and No. 5 for fat ass from howard stern.

I'm also tops for Texaco Lunchbox, Dallas Band, referencing the short-lived group featuring me and Brandon Higgins. If we only knew we had a fan, we might never have quit.

Abu Dhabi down with the fat ass

My blog is an international phenomenon as well, placing first among stutterers on Google UK for I, I, I, got a hole in my head and I don't know what to do with it. Google Japan lists me second for I’VE GOT A HOLE IN MY HEAD, referencing my popular song of the same name.

Most impressive, though, is the appeal I hold for repressed (I'm presuming, male) Middle Easterners, tormented by the hidden charms beneath those oh-so-sexy burkhas.

Popular search terms include, from Alexandria, Al Iskandariyah, Egypt, Fill My Fat Ass; from Ar Riyad, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, fat hairy ass; and from Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, big fat ass woman.

Who would have known? I write one song called My Fat Ass Itches and the world comes calling.

On reflection, I don't need those silly old SEO weasels. In fact, I just might go into business for myself. You want to rank for big fat ass? I'm your douchebag!

turetzkysyndrome.com

"Don't worry about this cough. Jews don't get the Swine Flu. We get the Whine Flu!

"Oh, my, Gawd, is this guy back again? He's hooorrrible!" I mock-kvetched to the sparse Bill's Records audience during my Memorial Day weekend set.

To compound the misery, Bill's booker Becky Hyden has posted a pair of YouTube videos, where you can see me failing miserably in front of nobody.

Believe me, it's better that way.

Becky added some fancy video edits with the help of Windows Moviemaker, though! Titles, cuts, transitions, the whole thing.

Against my better judgment, here's the evidence:

Why Don't You Get A Job

Let Love In

I had just begun bombing during my Saturday set at Bill's Records when Bill Wisener came sprinting back from his post at the front door, waving the Society page of Park Cities People.

"We made the paper! That's me and you!" Bill exclaimed. In Chris McGathey's candid photo from the April 24 edition, I appear to be holding up a happy but exhausted Bill, late on the second day of his 65th birthday celebration.

The bittersweet feature by Society Editor Georgia Fisher could be describing her own business as well. "Despite Industry's Ills, Music Merchant Plays on. Bill's Records owner not quite ready to throw in towel," reads the headline.

To help keep Bill in the game and fill out your collection with a rare LP, CD or piece of music memorabilia, visit Bill's on eBay.

And if you've got an extra quarter, drop it in the box and buy a newspaper. Get 'em while they last!

See peoplenewspapers.com for more Bill's birthday photos.