Status: Single
City: MINNEAPOLIS
State: Minnesota
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/27/2006
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Sunday, November 08, 2009
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Sometimes you fall in love. And it’s intentional. And it’s completely what you wanted it to be. That’s what i hear, anyways. i have a friend, who i love dearly, who met her husband, and it’s been right for her ever since. They’ve been solid in that realistic/human way for years, but, romantic, nontheless. And, anyone who knows him knows that he’s “perfection” for her. He, himself, isn’t perfect (who is?), but him-for-her?......perfect.
I haven’t really found that yet.
I heard this song by Sara Barailles, Gravity. It makes me think of addiction. Love, for me...maybe for more than me...can start to feel like an addiction. When it’s good, there’s nothing like it. And you can’t get enough of it. And you’ll fight for it. And you’ll begin to do things that another version of you wouldn’t. And, after a while, you look in the mirror and wonder how long you haven’t looked/felt like yourself. You tell yourself that you’re “stronger” than this. ...But...here you are...looking in a mirror and wishing that love brought out the best in you, not this manic visual you’re looking at now.
Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could go to rehab for a love addiction? L.A.A.-Love Addicts Anonymous.
But, as far as i know, there is no such thing. Instead, we have to do our own work, privately...cut the cord...make a clean break. (which usually results in disaster, followed by the intended outcome) And, it’s messy. And you spend too many moments sitting in your car, listening to “your” songs, wondering when life will be kind to you, before you finally discover that either, a) no one’s coming to save you, or b) they’ll keep coming for you until you’re no longer there, and you pick yourself up and begin to re-acquaint yourself with your old-self...the pre-love self.
I look in the mirror these days, and have mixed feelings. For one, love addiction makes for great songs...great inspiration. What hurts me also helps me. This is an inconvenient truth. Secondly, drama and conflict can begin to feel like love. You miss it when it’s not there...and confuse that, sometimes, for missing the relationship. It can be incredibly confusing.
So, after my last relationship ended, i made a list. Things That Are Not Negotiable. Yes, a list is easily breakable, but, something about writing it down...feels powerful. I found myself falling in love with my solitude. And it felt good.
And, as much as i love a good sad song...i want songs like “gravity” to be less relevant, less powerful. I want love to make me smile. To make me an even better version of myself, bringing out the best of me. It’s an optimistic idea, and one that may not be represented very often, but.......i believe it’s possible.
I don’t want to be a love addict. I want more........
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Saturday, October 17, 2009
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I’m back in my parent’s house. I’m in a twin bed. I’m 33 years old. I have a king-sized, gorgeous bed at home in Minnesota, and i’ve driven 12 hours to fall asleep in a twin bed.
How old do you need to get before you become “reflective” on the time you spent growing up. The people, the city, your FAMILY...
When you’re younger, you spend your time fantasizing about leaving, creating a new life for yourself...one where no one else can follow you...at least some of us do.
But then, you start to see your family as individual human beings, perfectly flawed. They’re not figures put on earth to make your life difficult. And, if you can get a glimpse of who they were, before you came along, you can see what journeys they took to break away from those put in authority over them, and get a little perspective.
I moved away from Detroit 9 years ago this January. I wanted and needed to make my own way. As painful as it was for all of us, one thing i’ve learned to trust over time about my family...you’re ALWAYS family. You can’t outrun it, you can’t hide from it...and, if you’re lucky enough, at some point you stop trying to run or hide and turn towards each other...start to listen and accept the differences and the similarities.
But...i didn’t start this blog to talk about that. It’s just that all of that is to bring me to tonight...
After moving away, building a new life in Minneapolis, and a career where i have people that i care about in most of the coolest places in the world, i seem to end up spending most of my free time driving back and forth to Michigan.
I drove 12 hours to get to Dearborn Heights, where my parents live, in time for dinner. I got there, opened the door to be immediately knocked over by the smell of my mom’s chili and the sound of my sister and her three kids laughing, shrieking, and tumbling over each other.
It hurts to see my niece and nephews in that way that is both good and bad. Your heart might explode with joy and, at the same time, break from the time spent apart. After approving of the latest feaux-hawk from the middle one, proving you can still pick the oldest one up and watching the youngest do cirque-de-soleil-type stunts, they all go home to get ready for bed.
Sitting down at the table with Mom and Dad and my friend, Laurie, who’s here to run a half-marathon with me on Sunday, we begin to catch up. And it’s easy...and familiar...and, well...feels like being home.
Afterwards, we went over to my sister’s house, opened a bottle of red, and caught up on all the craziness that we couldn’t cover on quick phone calls in between rehearsals and shows and travel, or soccer practices, doctor’s appointments and girls’ nights out. I snuck upstairs to check on the kids, give them secret kisses on their cheeks and make a memory to last until the next time I’m back.
Then, after a long day in the car, and a full evening with my family, i find myself ready to fall asleep in this tiny twin bed, with the matching train-and truck comforter and pillow case. And i remember, as I do every time I come home, that this teeny-tiny bed is always the best sleep i ever get. And it feels good to be home.
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
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i just saw myself on wikipedia. i met someone today who didn't know my music, and after i gave him a copy of my latest cd, i thought maybe i'd actually google myself to see what someone would find. the reason i haven't done this before is very clear to me...i don't really want to know how other people, who don't really know me, perceive me. it's weird and unnatural. like eavesdropping on a conversation about yourself that you were never meant to hear.
which brings me to wikipedia... her dad's a pastor... blah, blah, blah...grew up in Detroit...blah, blah, blah... "Currently, Noble resides in Minneapolis with her cat, Akiko"...HOLD ON!!!!!!
I'm the cat lady? really? this is actual news? I've got issues with this. for starters...if you want to get technical, "Noble" actually resides in Minneapolis with her catS (yes, plural) Akiko and Pepper. ...which actually sounds worse!
well, since i can't figure out exactly how me having two cats (which is very different than "residing" with cats....sounds like i privately refer to them as my "children" or something...) is news, i decided that they might as well be introduced.
Say hello to Akiko she's a big girl. you've seen pictures of her on my facebook, i'm certain. she wasn't always big, and she didn't always dominate my life (like she does now). i fell in love with her on a visit to the Humane Society. i was recently living alone and wanting a companion. so, on my way to look at possible pets, i stopped at Starbucks to pick up a latte. given my tendencies for awkward moments, i spilled some of my coffee on my way. after looking at many cats, at different stages of life, ranging in different colors and personalities, i was drawn to an area that had a bunch of kittens from the same litter. they were all cute. all very friendly and "poster-worthy" except for this one kitten... she was awkward, too...giant ears and paws. and...she had an attitude. they warned me about her. "that one's not very friendly", they said. i extended my hand out, fingers close to a couple of the kittens, and the "one" immediately perked up and came to me. she began licking the Starbucks coffee off of my fingers immediately and that's when i knew... we were meant to be.
i had just returned from a 2&1/2 week trip to Japan, and had met a really strong woman named Akiko. she had a fire about her, and when i met that kitten, i knew, 1. i would never be the boss, and 2. her name was Akiko. She had fire.
it takes a while for her to warm up to new people. she'll pretend she's cool with you, and then snap the next minute. that's just how she is. but, every single night, when no one else is around, i turn off the lights and she's immediately laying on my chest, purring me to sleep and i know that if i'm "currently residing in Minneapolis with my cat, Akiko", then i'm happy.
but... then there's Pepper...
I found Pepper and her brother in a barn. their mother abandoned the litter and they were the only two that we know of that survived. i tried to take them both, but Charlie, her brother, couldn't adjust to me being gone, so he found a more predictable life. Pepper, or, Pepper Pots (her full name, aka-pepperoni) started out super shy and very much a wall flower. to this day, the second a new person comes in, she disappears for hours and hours. but... if she knows you... the "motor", her purring, is so loud that you can hear it in the next room. she's the biggest diva i've ever seen. if i so much as twitch in bed, she's there, purring, rubbing, and wanting attention. she goes crazy around 3-4AM and i, periodically, have to lock her out of my room. i'm pretty sure she's a little "unstable", and yet she's also completely predictable. she's gorgeous, long-haired, and spoiled.
so, between the two of them, i guess i AM the cat lady. i'd like to think that that's not a bad thing, but, if it is...
i wouldn't trade it. .........even if it's in Wikipedia (which sucks)
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Monday, September 28, 2009
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Ok, ok.you asked for it. here's my running mix in no particular order...i always hit shuffle. i'm not saying it's the best there ever was, but you asked for it, so here it is:
- L.O.V.E.
(Missy Underground Mix)-Ashlee Simpson & Missy Elliott
- Therapy-India
Arie& Gramps Morgan
- Run
This Town (featuring Rihanna & Kanye West)-Jay Z
- T.I.A.-K’Naan
- Champion-Kanye
West
- I Do
Not Hook Up-Kelly Clarkson
- Somebody
Told Me-the Killers
- Declaration
(This Is It)-Kirk Franklin
- Harder
to Breathe-Maroon 5
- The
One (feat. Drake)-Mary J Blige
- Decode-Paramore
- Church-T-Pain
(feat. Teddy Verseti) ((if you’re offended by strong language, get the
clean version, or skip this one))
- Ring
the Alarm-Beyonce
- Rock
That Body-Black Eyed Peas
- Lose
My Breath-Destiny’s Child
- All My
Life-Foo Fighters
- Sirens-The
Gabe Dixon Band
- Easy
Target-Blink 182
- Ain’t
No Other Man-Christina Aguilera
- Viva
la Vida-Coldplay
- Gotta
Get Through This-Daniel Beddingfield (don’t judge! I know it’s cheesy!)
- Love,
Save the Empty-Erin McCarley
- Show
Me What You Got-Jay Z
- Looking
for You-Kirk Franklin
- Could’ve
Been-Kirk Franklin
- That’s
Not My Name-The Ting Tings
- A-Punk-Vampire
Weekend
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Monday, September 21, 2009
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We heard about the Dipsea Trail in Mill Valley, CA.
Actually, when I say “we”, I mean LZ. She heard about the Dipsea, that it was a
little over 7 miles, and thought we should run it. We’re both training for a ½
marathon in October, so we thought…Why Not?
We really had no idea what we were in for, but thought it
would be, somehow, something we could handle.
When you have to climb 699 steps just to get to the
trail…Houston, We Have a Problem…
....
First of all, the “locals” all love to talk about the 699
steps. There’s no one who DOESN’T know about the 699 steps. OK. We get it. But
after that, it must be a typical trail, right? Well……
....
10+ miles later, all up-hill (and by up-hill, I mean
risking-your-life-up-a-mountain) we were EXHAUSTED!!! Ten miles, people!!! All
AFTER 699 stairs…(yea, I know. Now I can’t stop saying the number either)…it
was a lot!
....
So, we found out what we were made of. Turns out, it was
more than we thought. We ended up laughing, gasping, feeling like we were
dying, trying to figure out each-other’s problems as we climbed the mountain,
and, by the time we were at the top, we realized a valuable lesson…we hadn’t
figured out ANY of each other’s problems, but felt such a sense of pride that
we had gotten that far, that any problem we’d left at the bottom of the
mountain was totally something we could handle…and the view along the way was
awesome.
....
I find myself doing things in my life now that I never could
have imagined doing even three years ago. I’ve produced my own holiday EP, gone
to Japan for almost 3 weeks ALONE, put on big shows, played on national TV,
toured across our great country doing solo gigs, and learned how to work and
run my own sound system. I’m learning how to play the guitar and how to speak
Japanese. Who knows what new and fascinating mysteries and adventures are ahead
of me.
....
But I do know that I don’t need to climb a mountain to see
all of the little mountains I’ve already climbed. We are all capable of doing
so much in our lives, and we’re stronger than we even know. I hope you’ll think
about the things that you’d like to accomplish in your life and start to take
the first (of 699) step to making it happen. I wouldn’t have wanted to tackle
the Dipsea without my best friend. And I hope you’ve got people in your life
that will bring out the best in you, too.
....
Now, I’m going to hobble my weak and sore body back to bed
before getting on a plane to come home…really glad I don’t have any mountains
to climb today!
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Saturday, September 19, 2009
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I’m just waking up. Got to bed around 4 this morning. It
wasn’t the wild, rock ‘n roll, kind of night that you’d guess. Instead, it was
old and new friends, gathered in the back booth of a diner, telling our stories
over plates of eggs, hash browns and quesadillas. I didn’t get enough sleep,
that’s for sure. But I still feel like I’m buzzing from last night’s music and
conversation.
....
So many times, when I perform, I try to come up with the
“right” set list, play the songs the “right” way, do everything as “right” as I
can. But, last night, I just let go and played. I played the songs like I was still
so inside of them. I let go of trying to do the “right” thing, and, instead,
just felt my way through.
....
It has a lot to do with Heather Combs. I sat in the audience
on Thursday night and listened to her stories, to her songs, and was moved. So
much of the time, when you’re on the road, you hear a lot of music that you’d
rather not hear, songs that don’t move you. And then, in those really rare moments,
you’ll hear something that will stop you dead in your tracks. And they take you
on a journey. That’s how I felt.
....
She came to my gig last night and played a few songs with
me, and I asked her to do some of her own. And I had conflicting emotions in that
moment. Part of me wished that I could just sit there all night and just listen
and feel. Part of me wanted to get to my keyboard and play because I felt so
inspired. It’s a beautiful conflict.
....
So, as I’m wiping the sleep from my eyes, and getting ready
to go to San Rafael to play another show, I’m going to take this feeling with
me…and feel grateful for the things and people that remind me how good it feels
to simply feel…
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Friday, September 18, 2009
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Laurie’s the best. She got up earlier and went in search of
a Starbuck’s (god love her!) because the coffee at this hotel is the worst
sludge I’ve ever had!
....
So far, the tour has been great. It’s kind of felt like a
tour/vacation. We got here late on Tuesday night, so that I could do an early
radio performance on Wednesday. Getting up that morning was rough, but we
pulled it together and I ended up doing 3 songs on the radio, so it was worth
it.
....
After the radio gig, though, there was nothing else on the
books that day, so we made the best of it…we played tennis for a couple hours,
ran up the side of a mountain, and then hit the pool. It could be a lot worse……J
And after an early dinner and a drive down the coast, we crashed.
....
Yesterday was more of a perfect scenario for me. I feel
lucky if you can get the best of both worlds, and we did. We played more
tennis, did the run again, laid by the pool for an hour, and then got ready and
head out to the gig to play with Heather Combs. Now THAT makes for a perfect
day.
....
I met Heather six years ago. We did a gig together in San
Francisco. I never forgot her. She has this really strong voice, great presence
and songs that rip right through you. She’s a great artist. So, when I found
out I was coming back, we reached out to her to see if she’d like to do a show
again. She said yes, and, last night was that night.
....
It was fun to catch up with her, see what the years have
brought to both of us, but hearing her play was my favorite. She’s got a way
with words in her songs that makes me want to rush home and write, too. I feel
so inspired after listening to her.
....
I’m playing in San Francisco tonight, and there’s a good
chance she’ll make an appearance. My fingers are crossed!
....
Now, I’m gonna go fall in love with this venti skim latte
that’s calling my name……life’s good
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Thursday, September 17, 2009
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I’m on the plane, headed to San Francisco. We left at 9:30PM
and it’s getting later by the minute, within my body, while it’s getting
earlier with every minute that we approach our destination. I’ve traveled all
over the world, through many different time zones. Sometimes it messes with
your head, other times, it doesn’t. Tonight, for some reason, I feel very
thoughtful. If I could go back in time, what would I do differently?
....
My first response is…many, many things. I would change so much.
I don’t think you get to live too long on this planet without wishing you could
go back…do things another way, choose another path.
....
But…
....
My own reaction to that is…who would I be? If I could un-do
the mistakes I’ve made, what would I be like? Without the aches, the bruises,
the pain that I’ve been responsible for-both myself and others… What would I
know? I’m not sure.
....
I don’t think you get the gift of life without cringing at
certain flashbacks…choices you’ve made. I know some people don’t believe in
regret. They don’t believe that we should look back and do anything but witness
our own actions as stepping stones to the next action...constantly evolving and
growing. I like that. I like the idea of awareness, of giving ourselves some
room to make mistakes, to embrace our humanity, and our weaknesses, and move
forward.
....
But...i also believe that we make mistakes. And those
mistakes, those choices, they have outcomes. They have consequences. And we are
supposed to feel that. It’s how we learn not to make those mistakes again. And
also how learn that we do not know everything, we are not everything and will
never be flawless…Humility. There’s something “fair” about that.
....
Some of the things that I look back at…many of them,
actually…things I’d call mistakes…have not just been about teaching me about isolated
incidents that I don’t want to repeat. They’ve also revealed things that I
hadn’t known about myself. It’s not just the action, but it’s the thing that
drives us to that action…that’s where a lot of the important lessons I’ve
learned come from. Those painful moments not only require me to ask…why did I
do that specific thing, but, also, what led me to the place in my life that I
could make those choices?
....
Maybe it all sounds like mumbo-jumbo to you…too much Oprah,
or something. But, I don’t like making mistakes. I don’t like being wrong. And
I do. And I am. So, I have to dig deeper into it. That’s what I do…
....
So, if I could get on a plane and go back in time right
now…if I could get a do-over, would I take that flight? I guess I’m still not
sure…
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009
 |
I’m getting picked up in about an hour, so I thought I’d
catch everybody up before I leave. That way, when I write from the road, I
won’t have to re-cap.
So…let’s get to it….
....
The Varsity
Hmmm….i have to say, that was an interesting experience
behind the scenes. But, as far as the show itself…
as usual, I love, love, love that venue. It’s so vibey. We
usually do the holiday shows there, but decided to do a non-christmas show
there, too.
After doing the CD release concert at the Guthrie in February,
I decided that I had two options: try to out-do it, or scale it down…I chose to
make it simpler.
So, it was me, JB on bass, Matt on drums, Dirk on guitar and
Kathleen singing back up.
(When we go back to the Varsity on December 3rd,
it’ll be the whole band PLUS all three backup singers, so not to fear!!!)
It was the first week that kids were back to school, and I
just had no way of knowing whether or not people would show up, but, as usual,
my fans are the best! It was packed and the ambience was loving and warm and it
just felt like everyone was ready to hear some good music!
We had a lot of laughs and some poignant moments, too. I
never get tired of playing here in Minneapolis. It’s like being home, but still
wanting to impress, y’know?
....
Behind the scenes, though, it felt like we were all dealing
with our own “situations”. Sometimes you get lucky and everyone is in a good
place in their lives at the same time. Other times…it’s not quite that easy.
But, after playing music with these guys for as long as I
have, I knew we’d pull it together and give it all we had. I’m so grateful for
my band. I missed Tommy, but am so glad he’ll be there in December.
....
I kind of feel like my band is a tiny sub-family. We go
through things. Sometimes we see each other a lot, other times we don’t. But, I
couldn’t imagine having to play with other people. I don’t want to. I love
Dirk’s dry sense of humor, and the way he’s the master of his instrument. JB
defines that smooth, just-get-into-it, presence, not to mention being a wicked
bass player. And Matt…well, Matt is one of the funniest, and to-the-core-good
human beings that you’ll ever meet. He works hard, makes you laugh harder, and
looks like a bad-ass when he plays the drums. Even though Tommy wasn’t there, there’s
not a flavor that he can’t find to add such a sweetness to whatever song he’s
working on. I’m a lucky girl to share the stage with these guys.
....
Now, I’m heading out on a solo tour (with my
manager/”bestie”, Laurie) to California. I’m excited. I feel like I need a brief
break from life here in MN, and there are worse places you could go than Cali!
Sun Country Airlines is flying us there and back and working it out so I can
actually bring my keyboard, so I am a VERY happy girl. I’m also bringing my
guitar for the first time. I won’t be playing it at any of these shows, but I’m
getting closer to that moment. I don’t want to take a week off practicing, so I’ll
be the girl lugging my suitcase, keyboard, and guitar around for the next 7
days!
....
Hope you guys have a great week, and I’ll try to keep the
journal updated while I’m gone……see you soon!
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Saturday, August 29, 2009
 |
I’m watching TV, and there’s a headline running along the
bottom of the screen…DJ AM found dead in his apartment. Drug paraphernalia was
found in his place.
....
I had a girls’ vacation earlier this summer. When I got off
the plane, I had emails about Michael Jackson being dead. Drugs were suspected…
....
Heath Ledger. An odd combination of drugs…
....
Anna Nicole. Drugs…
....
On and on and on….
....
It’s crazy, you know?
I grew up in Detroit. I thought this kind of thing only
happened in the kind of neighborhoods that I knew. Now it’s an increasingly
“normal” occurrence…made it into the mainstream…huh.
....
A kid I went to high school with got shot and crawled his
way back home before bleeding to death on the street.
Another kid I went to church with got shot and killed for
something stupid and unnecessary…certainly not worth his life.
Two kids I know from “back in the day” went to prison…for
what? The heat of the moment? The
environment they grew up in? The pressure?
I get that to an extent.
....
But, it makes me nervous to think that part of Hollywood is
starting to resemble the streets. It’s funny how some people might think that
it’s the hip hop artists who are living this kind of lifestyle. But that’s not
really the case.
....
Maybe I should just shut my mouth and ignore what’s
happening. But, it seems crazy to me. I know why some people get into that kind
of lifestyle…but it’s hard to wrap my mind around people who have “choices”.
....
I think about one of my best friends in school. Her mom’s
house wasn’t heated enough in the winter, so we’d jump into her tiny bed, pile
blankets on and stay as close as possible to stay warm. But we had some of the
BEST conversations on those nights. We were thick as thieves. Would we have
preferred to be warmer and more comfortable? I’m sure we would have. But that
wasn’t an option.
....
What’s going on when the “mainstream” is adopting a type of
lifestyle that they don’t HAVE to? You do what you think you have to when your
options are so limited. But… when you’re watching TV and another “star” is gone
because of this shit? Why?
....
Tonight I feel so sad because this doesn’t have to be the
case. And yet…another spirit, another life…wasted. Gone for no good reason.
I want these moments to be more few and far between. I
really do.
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