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Kinkerbell ™ Child of God



Last Updated: 11/21/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 38
Sign: Leo

State: North Carolina
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/7/2007

Blog Archive
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Thursday, November 19, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
LOVE

I have come to realize
that there is no such thing as
‘Love at first sight’
Love takes a lifetime to grow
nourish, learn, fall and get up again
It is painful, yet the most intense joy
you will ever feel or know
Love it full of tears, angry words said in haste
it is an ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘please forgive me’
Love is full of secrets, yet completely honest and truthful
it is pressing on when you are
well beyond exhaustion and confusion
it is a helping hand up, yet a shove from the ledge
complicated and messy, yet simple and pure
Love isn’t a night’s passion spent in youth
covered in sweat and filled with ecstasy
It is in the golden years of life spent gathered
around a roaring campfire roasting s’ mores,
in the backyard having a Sunday barbecue
or simply just sitting on the front porch
enjoying a glass of lemonade
It’s in looking on at the generations formed
from years of patience, tears and joys
spent in sickness and in health
Love is imperfect, yet there is nothing closer to perfection
It is filled with twists, turns and potholes, yet
 when Love is truly selfless, completely honest and pure
it will always find a way
No other single word, regardless of the  language
 evokes such passion, excitement, distress and fear
for no other feeling, or action can come close
in comparison to Love.


© 2009 Patricia M.Cook All rights reserved

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 

Current mood:  blessed
Category: Life



I have been so blessed by God & my sis' (Poetic Pink) Perpetual Prayer Blog that I wanted to do my own in conjunction with hers. Also there are alot of things in my own life & of those around me that I felt the need & desire to do this. As in her blogs I will post prayer requests as they come in &any I know of. When God answers these prayer request I will post how he has answered them in updates on this blog as well.

Mt 18:20
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Mk 9:24
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief !"

Ps 17:6 I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.
















And now the prayers


Cyn's Mom
Has returned to work & is finding it quite exhausting, she is also still smoking (we are too) so please pray for strength to deal with work & also to quit smoking **POSTED 7/8/09 Cyn's mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital yesterday afternoon with the exact some feeling & symptoms as in Dec (except this time no pain in her arm but otherwise is was exactly the same feeling she said) She is in the hospital still they kept her in observation overnight and were supposed to give her a Stress EKG, but for some reason it got postponed until tomorrow. So she wil be staying for another night at least. Right now we know very little, they still can't or won't tell us if she had another heart attack, so please pray for her to be ok & for us to remain strong & think positively. **UPDATED 7/23/09**


Jack
Jack is still battling Cancer & has been for quite some time please pray for God's mercy both for Jack & his entire family**POSTED 7/8/09


Danalicious
Dana is battling illness herself, she has problems with her heart as well as other illnesses that make each day a battle for her. Also she has no Health Insurance so that is another area of prayer in her life. Please pray for her health, for insurance & that God will move in her personal life as well. **POSTED 7/8/09


E'Val
is now stateside & is getting married soon so please pray for his upcoming nuptials as well as strength for his marriage. **POSTED 7/8/09


My Parents
Are still trying to sell their house & my Dad is out of work (which seems very common place in MI right now) please pray for their house to be sold, my Dad to find a good steady job & also strength to deal with things involving my brother.**POSTED 7/8/09


Poetic Pink
For strength in sobriety
For strength as a parent
For reassurance in her walk with God
For strength & guidance in her relationship with her daughter Marissa. Please pray that God will guide Marcy (Poetic Pink) as well as Marissa as to what is best for Marissa & her little boy Malachi. **POSTED 7/8/09


Jon
For strength in sobriety


BreezyChanges aka Cyn
For health issues as well as no longer having health insurance. Cyn has filed for both Social Security Disability (she is no longer able to work) as well as Medicaid we are still waiting for answers from both. Please also pray for strength & guidance from God on other personal & spiritual issues. **POSTED 7/8/09



Walking Contradiction aka Robin
For health issues & financial issues


Debbie's ToyChest
For health issues **POSTED 7/8/09


Michelle aka Annie W.
For grace & strength dealing with her situation
For her divorce to come through quickly
For continued strength as a parent as well as dealing with her parents. **POSTED 7/8/09


Myself
For health issues, For issues concering my children, especially my boys. For continued strength in sobriety & guidance in personal & spiritual issues. **POSTED 7/8/09


Michael (my brother)
For strength to stay clean
For a closer walk with God. Also it will be a year July 19th, that my sister (to be) had past away unexpectedly. So please pray for strength for him to deal with the one year anniversary of her passing. **POSTED 7/8/09
 

Ediemay
For Ediemay & her Husband Charlie who has Alzheimer's they need prays for strength & grace to get through this difficult journey. **POSTED 7/8/09


GRAYWOLF
For his niece's health **POSTED 7/8/09




These are all I can think of for now if you would like me to add your prayer requests to the list just email me with the subject line "prayer request" & I will be more than happy to add it. If I forgot about any prayer request I had heard in the past I am truly sorry just remind me & I will add them. I ask that if you had a prayer request & the prayer has been answered please update us on it in a comment or whatever so we can see the miracles God can & has work(ed) in your lives as well as our own.
Take Care & God Bless
Trish

Saturday, October 24, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry

 

It will always be
Just me
My thoughts, my fears
My quieted, unheard tears
That spill forth on my pillow & heart
day & night
It will always be
Just me
to deal with those lonely thought
regrets from the past
that I can never undo
the hurts I have caused by leaving those
that always have needed me most
It will always be
Just me
to face those lonely nights
to relive, their pleas, tears & fights
Begging me not to go
It will always be
Just me
left wondering, hurting
all alone
or will it be?
I wonder too many times
if they are doing the same things
lying in their beds with tear stained pillows
missing me
or is it really
always just me?

I Love & miss you guys all so much
Friday, October 16, 2009 

Current mood:  sad
Friday, October 16, 2009 
Saturday, September 12, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
When do the memories
stop playing that painful movie in my mind?
When does the searing pain
stop burning through
My heart & My soul?
When will the tears cease to fall
and show the evidence of
my guilt & shame?
When will I be whole again?
Ever?
Will I ever be able to forget
or at least just leave it behind?
Will it ever stop haunting me?
Will I ever know why?
Why I chose to dance with the devil,
when I knew the price would be too high to pay?
Will I ever be able to forgive myself
and get through just one day,
without the sting of the tears,
streaming down my face?
Without feeling so lost & out of place?
When?
Just one day of peace
Just one day without the pain
Just one day without all of it
searing more holes into my already
wounded soul
When?

2009 Patricia M. Cook All Rights Reserved
Friday, August 21, 2009 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Pets and Animals
 

R.I.P.
Oliver Twist "Ollie"
June 1994 - August 12 2009

We Will Miss You!

(I had made a video in honor of Ollie but because it had the song "Somewhere out there" Myspace blocked & deleted it, jerks)

Saturday, August 01, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry

I sit in silence
as the memories
flood my over full mind
Unwelcome visitors
these memories are
Haunting me to my core
Punching holes in my empty gut
 
Black, Blue and Red
Every hit
Every word she said
Stings my ears
Not wanting to relive
Not wanting to (re) hear
Words like venom
Spat from the serpent's forked tongue
So hard to try to forget them
 
Her voice chills my blood
Like ice down my back
on a cold winter's day
Her voice, Her words
reminding me of the strength
I lacked
Back then not now
 
Those memories
like the missing key
to a locked cage
I sat in
Taking every blow
Always wondering
yet too afraid to know
Was this the last breath I would take?
 
Those ugly memories
induce such fear
Though so much time has past
so many years
Will I ever be completely free?
Will it ever go away?
Hearing over and over
Those atrocities she would say
 
The venom that poured forth from her lips
as the blood from mine
continued to drip
I suppose one day
I will be free
from that fear
But I can not, will not forget
The strength I have gained
and the reminder of
 why I hold my freedom so dear  

 
2009 Patricia M. Cook All Rights Reserved


If you want to submit a poem based on freedom please click on the link below

Peaceful Expressions FREEDOM Challenge Come SHINE your FREEDOM to live, laugh & love til 8/1

Friday, July 10, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Part 2


My Darling Daughter
I never meant to hurt you
or to make you cry
You were my first born
the reason I lived and breathed
I was so young and so afraid
to care for you on my own
It was never easy
It was the hardest thing
I have ever had to do
I never meant to hurt you
or to make you cry
I never really left you
I never said goodbye
I tried to build a new life
for us, to bring you back
where you belong
I tried to get you away
 from evils of your Dad's new wife
I tried so hard to protect you
Spending every dime I had
I even jeopardized my freedom
I never meant to hurt you
or to make you cry
I tired so hard to help you
figure out what was true
and what was a lie
I tried so hard to help you
figure out what was real
and what was planted in your head
I never meant to hurt you
or to make you cry
My Darling Daughter
Please forgive me
for not being there when you needed me
though I tried so hard to be
I never meant to hurt you
or to make you cry
You are my only Daughter
and my first born child
 If I was given the choice
 of hurting you
I'd rather die.


2009 Patricia M Cook All rights reserved
Saturday, July 04, 2009 

Current mood:  vexed
Category: Writing and Poetry


 



Why? She asks
as the tears pour from her eyes
Why weren't you there
to protect me
to shelter me
from any harm
Why didn't you do something?
Why didn't you believe me
when I told you
the things that had been done to me?
Why? She asks 
as the tears pour from her eyes
Why didn't you fight harder?
Why didn't you just take me away?
So I wouldn't have to face
the nightmares and flashbacks
that I deal with evreyday
Why? She asks
as the tears pour from her eyes
Why are you just now
being the mother I needed back then?
Why can't you understand
why I am so guarded
and how hard that was for me?
To face all those things alone
when I wasn't even three
Why, Momma Why?
She asks as the tears pour
from her eyes
Why weren't you there for me?
Why was it so easy
for you to say goodbye?


2009 Patricia M. Cook All Rights Reserved


 ** Part 2 will be posted Friday 7/3
Tuesday, June 30, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry

 



I have come to realize
not everything lasts forever
some things do, but most don't
people enter your life
sometimes they stay
sometimes they don't
Life will always have it's problems
they will not last forever
how you handle those problems
decides the outcome later in life
If you let people break you
Stress take you down
Time will drag on
If you greet the day
with a smile instead of a frown
it keeps the spirit a float
God never leaves us
it is we that step away from him
whenever you find yourself lost
and unable to find him
Turn around and look
he is right where you first stepped away
some friendships last a lifetime
some fade away
many times we outgrow people
it hurts to say goodbye
but it is necessary to survive
If we did not suffer
we would have no idea
how Jesus suffered for us
If we could do everything on our own
we would have no need for Jesus
or the people and angels he puts in our path
I have come to realize
it will always hurt to say goodbye
and move on
we will always have sorrow and disappointment
but it is meant to make us stronger
I have come to realize
people will always fear what they do not know
what the do not understand
I have come to realize
that fear is temporary
but regret, guilt and shame can last a lifetime
if you let it
I have come to realize
 the only opinion that matters,
the only one I ever need to worry about
what they think if me
is the Holy Trinity
God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit
the rest are just human like me
and make the same stupid mistakes
Like the old saying goes
"God puts everyone in our life for a reason
some are there for a lifetime
some just a season"
Try to smile and not to frown
and never, never
let life or people keep you down

2009 Patricia M. Cook All Rights Reserved
Saturday, June 27, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry






As the clock winds down the hours
and the sun has set deeply from the sky
The darkness is my only company
as I face the loneliest hours of the night
These hours
when most are in peaceful slumber
I am awake, thinking
and some of the time
crying silently
so as not to wake
the beautiful angel behind me
The darkness of the night
the darkness I have always feared
has become my trusted companion
She tells none of my secrets
She sits silently as I cry
She hears my words
as I put pen to paper
She does not betray me
The darkness of the night
How I love her, How I hate her
and dread her arrival
Silence is not Golden
She is a heavy black blanket
covering the sky
As the clock winds down the hours
and mankind lays it's head to rest
I sit quietly, waiting in dread
for my trusted companion's arrival
She is the difference between
My death and my survival

© 2009 Patricia M.Cook All rights reserved

Sunday, June 21, 2009 

Category: Life






Can someone please explain how we can still justify calling ourselves "The land of the FREE & the home of the BRAVE"? Especially since so many citizens are being treated like we don't matter or that we are "second class citizens" We still have to pay taxes & abide by all the rules that hetrosexual people do so why is it we still don't have the SAME (not extra or special) RIGHTS (yes RIGHTS) & protection they do? Huh I sure would like to know cuz I am sure if I stopped paying taxes I would be held accountable by the federal government. What happened to the words in  our Constitution? I sure wish our law makers would read it more closely cuz I could have swore it specified equal rights for all men. Although they were narrow minded enough to have slaves then too, so we abolished slavery cuz it was WRONG but I guess there are still slaves just a different kind. Slaves are expected to contribute with no rights so instead of having "African-Americans" or "Blacks" (Whatever you deem PC) we now have Gay & Lesbian "slaves" cuz we are slaves to the law with no rights.




Gallery Index
(© Ben Shafer)
Same-Sex Marriage:

LGBT people in the U.S. are fighting for equal protection under the law, including legal gay marriage. The Federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) of 1996 denies federal recognition of gay marriages and gives each state the right to refuse recognition of same-sex marriage. Some lawmakers have proposed a Constitutional amendment that would define marriage as between a man and woman. The measure has been unsuccessful thus far.
U.S. states that recognize gay marriage:
Massachusetts
On May 17, 2004 Massachusetts became the first U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage.
New Jersey
On October 25, 2006, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that New Jersey must allow same-sex couples to marry.

U.S. States that allow same-sex partnerships or civil unions:
California
California provides domestic partnership benefits. The state legislature successfully voted in favor of legal gay marriage in California, only to be vetoed by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. In March, 2005, a San Francisco judge ruled that the law banning same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.
Connecticut
Although Connecticut defines marriage as between a man and woman, it became the second U.S. state to grant same-sex civil unions in April, 2005.
New Hampshere
In April of 2007, the New Hampshire House of Representatives passed a civil unions bill that give gay couples nearly the same rights as married couples. The Senate is expected to sign the bill and the Governor has agreed to sign it into law.
Oregon
The State House and Senate passed a domestic partnership law that grants same-sex couples many of the rights of marriage as well as a bill that protects gays and lesbians against discrimination.
Vermont
The first U.S. state to offer same-sex civil unions in 2000. Learn about Vermont civil unions.
Washington
In April of 2007, the Washington State legislature passed a domestic partnership bill providing legal benefits to same-sex couples. read more

U.S. States that ban same-sex unions:
The States that prohibit same-sex marriage are Arkansas, Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Utah, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wisconsin.
Same-Sex Adoption:

Here are the different types of adoption and a state-by-state index of adoption laws in the U.S.

In the U.S., gay adoption laws vary from state to state. Here are the different types of adoption and a state-by-state index of adoption laws:

Types of Adoption/Guardianship:
Single (Individual) Adoption
Individual adoption is the traditional type of adoption where an unmarried person seeks to adopt a child that has been put for adoption by the birth parent(s) or by the State.
Joint Adoption
In a joint adoption an unmarried couple petitions the court to adopt a child that has been put for adoption by the birth parent(s) or by the State.
Second-parent Adoption
This type of adoption involves one parent who already has legal rights of the child and a second parent that is petitioning for joint rights. The initial parent does not give up parental rights. Usually, gay couples in states that do not allow joint same-sex adoption choose this option.
Step-parent (Domestic Partner) Adoption
When a child is already living with both same-sex parents, step-parent or domestic partner adoption is filed.
Guardianship
Where gay adoption is not legal, parents can protect their families by applying for guardianship. However, guardianship does not provide the same legal rights as adoption.
Foster Care vs. Adoption
Foster care differs from adoption in a few ways. A foster parent assumes care responsibility for the foster child, but the State maintains all legal guardianship of the child. Adoption transfers legal responsibility and care over to the adopting parents.

Gay Adoption State-by-State
Alabama
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Alaska
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Arizona
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Arkansas
Arkansas Act One prohibits unmarried couples (both same sex and opposite sex) from adopting or fostering children. More on Act One
California
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Colorado
Permits same-sex couple adoption. Also allows grandparents and other individuals helping raise the child to adopt.
Connecticut
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Delaware
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
District of Columbia
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Florida
Prohibits single and joint gay adoption.
Georgia
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Hawaii
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Idaho
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Illinois
Permits single GLBT and couples adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Indiana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Iowa
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Kansas
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Kentucky
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Louisiana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Maine
Permits single GLBT adoption. On August 30, 2007 the Maine Supreme Judicial Court ruled unanimously in their favor on grounds that prohibiting the adoption would be counter to Maine's Adoption Act. (read more)
Maryland
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint gay adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Massachusetts
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Michigan
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Minnesota
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint gay adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Mississippi
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Missouri
Single GLBT and joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Montana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Nebraska
Single GLBT adoption unclear. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Prohibits second-parent adoption.
Nevada
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
New Hampshire
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
New Jersey
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
New Mexico
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
New York
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.

In the U.S., adoption laws for gay and lesbian individuals and couples vary from state to state. Here are the different types of adoption and a state-by-state index of adoption laws:

...continued

North Carolina
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
North Dakota
Single GLBT and joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Ohio
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption not allowed.
Oklahoma
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Oregon
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Pennsylvania
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Rhode Island
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
South Carolina
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
South Dakota
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Tennessee
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Texas
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Utah
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption prohibited. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Vermont
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Virginia
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Washington
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption in some areas.
West Virginia
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Wisconsin
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption prohibited.
Wyoming
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.

This is why I posed the question at the begining of this blog, Please help support Love because there is already too much hate in the world!
To help show your support please go to www.myspace.com/isupport
and get a tag you like & post it on your page.
This saddens me not only as a lesbian woman, mother, and "wife", but also as an AMERICAN. I pay the same taxes, abide by the same laws, and yet have none of the same rights & benefits.



Thursday, June 18, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry


 
Katie, Keith (Katie's boyfriend) & I after their graduation 6/09/09


 
Cyn & I with Katie right before her graduation 6/09/09




Daughter, you have taught me
what love means
from those first moments
you spent in my arms
to the moment I had to let you go
out into this big cold world
Daughter, you have taught me
what pride means
from your first words
and the first steps you took
to when you came into your own
and became the woman you are today
Daughter, you have taught me
what being a friend means
from our first little tea parties
to our long talks on the phone
Daughter, as you venture out on your own
I want you to know
How much you have blessed my life
How much you have changed me
but also most importantly
How much your love has
made each day of my life woth living
Worth living because of the love,
the pride and the purpose your life has given me
Daughter, you have taught me
about the most important relationship
I'll ever have
the relationship between
A Mother & Daughter

All my love
Mom
June 9 2009

Katie & Keith on the stage at DTE Theatre getting ready for their Graduation to get underway. 6/09/09 
Tuesday, June 09, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
So here I am once again
Fighting the old demons
that reside in my head
I have come back to the place
where I was born
The place I will forever scorn
This place I once called home
has no more comfort
only pain
This place where I was born
Thie place where I almost died
Where, stole, shot up and
constantly lied
I hate it
yet I can't let it go
This is the place
where I was born
where my children were born
where I spent 35 years of my life
I have been living in two places
being torn between the two
I'm not sure how I will do it
I just know it is
something I MUST do