I dont get it...this utter feeling of discontent.

Im making good money and losing weight, so I should be elated. But Im not. My discontent has caused me to sabotage another "relationship" with a man I thought would make me happy. But he didn't make me happy. He made me hate myself for what I cannot achieve in love.

It is my belief that most women can be divided into two groups: the madonnas and the whores.

I aint no madonna...but I will never be your whore

I did it! I tackled the mountain! Ok, so its more like a small canyon...Fryman Canyon to be exact. For those of you who don't know, its a great little hiking trail just off of Laurel Canyon in Studio City. I have hiked it many times, but today I biked it. I started from my house, and pushed myself all the way to the top! It is amazing what the human body can do, if you perservere. I am a smoker, and in fairly poor shape. I really wasn't sure if I would be able to do it, but it was worth a try. My heart was pounding by the time I got there, but I just kept on going. The first part of the trail is steep, and I had to walk my bike most of the way up. It levels out after that, but still climbs up and up. I had to stop many times to catch my breath, and wanted to turn back at least three times. But I kept going. I was so proud of myself when I reached the very top - and the big payoff was in going down hill. That shit was fun!!! When I was speeding down the hill, I declared victory. For me, this is huge. I consider myself an "indoor girl," and I lead a mostly sedentary lifestyle. But not anymore. This bitch is gonna get her ass in shape. My goal now, is to one day bike the whole thing without stopping. It will take some time, but it is totally possible. I have logged more than 50 miles since purchasing my bike, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Yay me! Here is a pic I made a nice couple take of me as proof of my uphill battle:

For those of you who dont remember...i used to be really overweight. When I was 21 I lost tons of weight and got really skinny. I maintained a freakishly small weight for awhile with the help of certain substances, but have since quit use of any and all drugs. (its been several years) Unfortunately, my new addiction has become food.

I went from 110lbs. to 140lbs. in a matter of months. I have been traveling alot since the beginning of the year, and its hard not to eat all the delicious fare other cities have to offer. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, and now I don't fit into most of my clothes. I arrived home from San Francisco recently, and when I had to go back to work, I couldnt button up my pants. I got really upset...and then decided to get serious.

I put myself on a diet, a strict one. From now on...no more junk. All that shit is poison for the body anyway. My skin is really bad, and Im tired all the time. Im 25 years old, and I dont want to feel this way anymore. I need to exercise and start feeling healthy. I bought a jumprope, and i intend to use it everyday.

I'm going to use this blog to document my progress, so I make sure that I stick with it. I started my diet on Monday, and have since lost 2lbs. My realistic goal is to lose 15lbs by summertime. If I can lose more, then that would be super. Each time I blog, i will include a picture...hopefully i will see a difference each time!!!

Starting weight: 140lbs.    Goal weight: 125lbs.   Start Date: April 9th, 2007

November 17th, 2006 --  Lakers vs. Raptors

I haven't blogged in a very looooooong time, but I just had to share this amazing experience...ok. That's a lie. I just want to brag!  Last night I had floor seats at the Lakers game! Literally, on the floor...on the goddamn court! We were only two rows behind the Lakers bench...I could have reached out and touched the players! (if i had the balls to, anyway)

As we were sitting there looking around...a pretty young mother sitting behind me caught my eye. My friend Wally told me to check out her jewelry...amazing rocks! It was then we realized it was Kobe Bryant's wife! I couldn't stop staring at her $4,000,000 diamond ring - I have never seen anything that dazzling in person before. She had her two young children with her, and was very pleasant to me when i said hello. But, how the hell did we get better seats than Kobe's wife???

And if that wasn't surreal enough, during the game Kareem Abdul-Jabbar walked right in front of us! I'm pretty sure Wally peed his pants a little. All in all, in was THE most amazing game I have ever attended! Thanks so much to Jeff for hooking it up...Wally and I will both be giving you blow-jobs for sure!!! (Wally first...)

Here are a few pics from my night...

May 11th-May 15th 2006     My Brothers Wedding   Sedona, AZ

My big brother Kenny got married last weekend in Arizona...and I'm so glad I made the trip! I flew by myself for the very first time (it was exciting) and I funded the whole trip myself. New dress, new luggage, new hair-do...and now i have a new sister!!! Michelle is awesome (she's my age) and Im happy my brother married her.

The weather sucked...it was really hot (but my hair looked awesome.) I got to spend sometime in Phoenix and in Scottsdale, as well as Sedona...and i got to see family i hadnt seen in more than 6 years!!! The wedding was small and beautiful, and the party afterwards was so much fun. All in all, I would say it was a perfect day...and a lovely vacation away from L.A.

P.S. I still don't ever want to be a republican, Steve

Here are a few pics from my trip...

April 29th,2006 Coachella Music Festival in Indio, CA

Holy Shit! What a weekend! For those of you who attended the event, you are well aware of the ordeal we all went through to get there--sitting in traffic on the 10 freeway for 5 hours...waiting 2 hours to go 4 miles (just to get into the parking lot!!!)...and then waiting again to get tickets at the will call. All in all that part of the day was a fucking nightmare. I vowed to myself as i finally walked into the venue that I would NEVER go to another outdoor festival again! But once inside, everybody's spirits were lifted. The energy was palpable...60,000 souls in the middle of the desert brought together by a common love of music.

We only caught 3 acts. First was Franz Ferdinand. Those scottish boys kicked ass! Next was Jane's favorite--Depeche Mode!!! I had a lot of fun singing along to Personal Jesus and prancing in the grass to Enjoy the Silence...good times. But the highlight of the evening had to be Daft Punk's soon to be legendary closing set! They blew my fucking MIND!!!!!! By far, the BEST live DJ set I have ever seen in my entire life! I am not exaggerating! I have never been so happy...and we were sober! (except for little Dusty!) I felt incredibly lucky to be a part of something so amazing...more than 30,000 people packed the dance tent to see them...truly an amazing feeling! (if you were there, you know)

Thanks to Pete from Depeche Mode for putting us on the list (and Brandon) And thanks to Jane, Jacki, Katie, Lee, Dusty, and Erin for making it such a memorable night!!

Here are a few pics from the night...ok there are a lot!!!!

 

 

April 14th, 2006 - The Red & Black Ball @ Club Red Light

Another really fun night spent with friends and roommates...and even one or two co-workers! (gay Danny!) Any excuse to dress up in my bondage-wear is cause for a celebration--and celebrate we did! Drunken good times...we all got really smashed! (except for poor Jacki, our designated driver) Josh got so smashed that he ended up puking in the car all the way home (sorry buddy!) And my dearest Katie...such a dirty whore! (Do you remember going around all night and telling everyone to smell your glove? that was classic!!!) A very special thanks to Kristen for helping me clean up the next morning--I love you!!! and Kab...thanks for not bitchin' out!

Here are a few pics from the evening...these are fuckin' funny to me...

Soo's Birthday - April 8th, 2006  Oh baby! That was one fun night! First off, we had our very own limo...how pimp is that?  We went to old town Pasadena for italian cuisine at Mi Piace...and then it was off to Hollywood! We cruised the sunset strip and stopped off at the Standard for a few cocktails, and then proceeded to the Vanguard.  After cutting to the front of the line, the promoter led us to our very own table - with bottle service, and told the bartender to give us whatever we wanted. After the fashion show, we all got REALLY drunk and danced the night away...i couldn't walk straight when we left!  I had a lot of fun with Soo, Jane, and the boys -thanks for making the night so special!  Now im really spoiled...i don't think i could do Hollywood any other way!!!

Here are a few pics from the night...

I found this online and had to share...further proof that men find women to be the root of all evil...

One day, while feeling extremely frustrated and spiteful, Gargamel decided on a new plan to exact revenge on the Smurfs, "a ruthless curse that will make them beg for mercy". Gargamel decided to send them a female Smurf - a Smurfette

Smurfette was made in the wizard Gargamel's laboratory. She was created by a magical potion. Her list of ingredients include: "Sugar and spice but nothing nice...A dram of crocodile tears...A peck of bird brain...The tip of an adder's tongue...Half a pack of lies, white, of course...The slyness of a cat...The vanity of a peacock...The chatter of a magpie...The guile of a vixen and the disposition of a shrew...And of course the hardest stone for her heart...."

Smurfette is discovered by a single Smurf in the forest, wailing to herself and lamenting her unhappy lot in life. She explains to the Smurf that unless she is rescued, she will surely perish. Smurfette is a brunette with straight, stringy hair, ugly eyelashes, a plain dress and large plain shoes

Well, evil would certainly be too harsh a term. Trouble would definitely be a more appopriate word. And boy, could she cause trouble. As well, she was a really, really bad singer (so off-key that even Harmony Smurf noticed).

Papa Smurf is the Smurf who turned everything around for Smurfette. After a successful operation of "plastic smurfery", Papa Smurf transformed the ugly (and unhappy) brunette Smurfette into the blond bombshell she is today.