And at least I walked away with a poem.

So much I could say to you
If I felt like wasting my breath
But baby I'm just too fucking cool
Besides, I'd bore you to death

I wasn't looking for a broken heart
Been there, done that, wore out the tee
You didn't have a chance to mess up my mind
Long before we met I tossed the damn key

Studiously ignore all I have to say
Sorry, I'm too jaded for indignation.
We met on equal terms, pretty boy.
But you just dropped in my estimation.

A little conversation would have been nice
But baby you're just too fucking cool
I'll save you the minute of spelling it out
Don't worry baby, I'm nobody's fool

You are aroused by fortune cookies

'What is your Fortune?' at QuizUniverse.com

Laureth -- [adjective]: Insatiable to the point of crazy 'How will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com

Laureth's sexual nickname: "She-bop" Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

Laureth will go to jail for ... Quoting the Marquis de Sade to some school children 'What sexual activity will you go to jail for?' at QuizUniverse.com

     

Pisces         You have an awesome imagination, and often put it to use for sexual purposes.  You are very romantic and don't hook-up with random people very often.         Because sex to you is about showing your love, you are incredibly romantic in bed, and very giving. You tend be in a serious relationship more often then not. Sex matches: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

And because I'm me: A matching pair of wtf? giggles :)

What is your Sexual Obituary?

Filled with laughter, Laureth died while in the sack with their lover, The men's olympic team. Laureth will be terribly missed by The men's olympic team.

'What is your Sexual Obituary?' at QuizUniverse.com

What is your Sexual Obituary?

Filled with laughter, Laureth died while in the sack with their lover, Posh spice. Laureth will be terribly missed by Posh spice.

'What is your Sexual Obituary?' at QuizUniverse.com

Your results:
You are Inara Serra (Companion)

Inara Serra (Companion) 95% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 75% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 75% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 75% River (Stowaway) 60% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 45% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 45% Wash (Ship Pilot) 40% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 25% Alliance 20% A Reaver (Cannibal) 10%

More than just a high paid escort. A companion is well educated, sophisticated and knows well how to comfort others.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

Your results:
You are Deanna Troi

Deanna Troi 100% Uhura 80% Chekov 50% Beverly Crusher 50% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 50% Geordi LaForge 45% Will Riker 40% Jean-Luc Picard 40% James T. Kirk (Captain) 40% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 35% Spock 22% Worf 20% Data 17% Mr. Scott 15% Mr. Sulu 10%

You are a caring and loving individual.   You understand people's emotions and you are able to comfort and counsel them.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character am I?" quiz...

Please notice the status change....


Another 5 days. That's all I have left. Then everything changes. And I can't decide if its a good thing or a bad thing. I swing from one extreme to another, relieved, devastated, with all sorts of entertaining thoughts in between. I lost it, and took off for a large percentage of the first couple of days. Then I had to go home and face it. And felt the bittersweet mixture of annoyance and agony drive their twin exploding hollow point rounds into my soul.

Unasked questions, comments, jibes, pleas, arguments are choking my throat so tightly I can barely breathe. I feel fucking awful. I feel knocked down, kicked in the belly devestated. And I hate my self for not knowing why.

I think. I think thoughts that pound and sear into my brain with such force and fury my breath stops in my lungs. I gasp and breathe again, but the internal forces that buffet and abrade my inner landscape are still not enough to scour the deep pain and hurt that is ripping my heart apart.

Struggling to maintain surface calm, to remember to breathe, to not let this happen. Ohmyfuckinggodsineedtostopthis. Civilized. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Please. No.

Frail, cracked and broken, the mask returns to cover what lies with in.

Closing my eyes, imagining a Zen state I do not remotely connect to.

Just try and
Breathe...not berate.

Just try not to cry. Tears make men guiltly. Guilt makes some mad or defensive. All which Suck.
 
Besides. I am not happy. I feel betrayed, abandoned, let down. Like someone carefully spun my happiest dreams and longings into a spun glass figure of joy and then smashed and ground it to dust. Sharp, edgy cutting dust.

And yes, in a fair major way, it was not at all my wish or my doing. No one could have tried harder.

But once, he made me happier than I ever believed it was possible to feel. I love him still.

I cry in the shower where no one can hear when I lose the ability to control my tears. Great body wracking soul tearing sobs that blend with the water sounds and flow away down the drain. 

Numbness. Savior. Calgon take me away. I emerge, swollen eyed, but fuck, it *is* allergy season....

Riiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhtttttttttt.

Much later, I'm dragged from the dubious sanctuary of my book. Multiple times. Other's needs. Never much of a break from that. Gothy Emo child is on a torrent. Its like an avalanche of misinformation, presented in an authoritative form. With a chaser of Kassandra's Tourettes. Implosion is the kindest thing I can do for all concerned.

Too soon for the vampiric Demon to arise, and the Feline Ferret is undergoing the crisis du jour.

Heh. No surprise that "kids" rate high on things that contributed to the decision. Umhmm.

Maybe it will help him, although I fear that its another movement and rest period. But ok. Either way, he might stay within visiting distance. Prolly closer than the rift between us now, although he's less tan 2 feet away. Hahaha. I have a little secret of my own. I'm not really doing this sober. I can't. I'd go insane. He's so fucking calm and remote. I don't believe he'll never really know how agonizing it is just to simply sit here with him, feeling the distances, interaction strained to polite conversation, memories and things like non sequiters falling in the randomness like a ripe milkweed pod. Flying, floating, landing, ignored.

Scream: "Fuck!". Repeat infinitely until hoarse.

Time to forget a little more. Thinking sucks. Feeling sucks. Alone sucks. Unless you count kids.

Mirrors suck too. And the sting lingers too.

Another morning. Wake up crying.

cry sleep another day.
go out to try and forget.
disaster at home.

CAN'T ESCAPE HELL!

talking....still he's going. He says he has to. He leaves at 10:00 pm. Hours from now. That is when my soul will die. As soon as he leaves. I will break down. I know this. I don't care if I do. Maybe if I go insane there will be clarity on the other end of this ride though Torment.

Kiss sings Hard Luck Women....how apt. I realize that the only way to get through this pain is to stay as fucked up as possible.

Good thing NH packies are open on Sundays.

Asked the stupid what-if questions. Some answers bring pain. Others relief. Gods if I only didn't love him so much it would be fine. But no, he's my soulmate. I knew it, really knew it when we met.

I'm dying inside with a clown's smile

Its time. The kids arguing again just made it all the more certain. Its time. He's going. My world ends now.

I'm not sure if I can do it. If it just might not be the one thing that kills me.

I think it did inside. Today I feel like a automation, just going through the motions.

Left. Bereft. reallly gone.
He really abandoned me.

now I'm alone.

***You Are 80% Intuitive***


You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right.
You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous.
When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.


How Intuitive Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howintuitiveareyouquiz/


***Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible***


Fun, funky, and a little bit euro.
You love your summers to be full of style and sun!


What's Your Summer Ride?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyoursummerridequiz/

***Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...***


Avalon Daisy


What's Your Celebrity Baby Name?
http://www.blogthings.com/celebritybabynamegenerator/

***Your Monster Profile***


Shadow Beheader

You Feast On: Pickles

You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building

You Especially Like to Torment: Your Evil Twin


What's Your Monster Name?
http://www.blogthings.com/monsternamegenerator/

--

***What Laureth Means***


L is for Luscious

A is for Adaptable

U is for Unique

R is for Radiant

E is for Explosive

T is for Timeless

H is for Healthy


What Does Your Name Mean?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyournamemeanquiz/

--

***Your Pirate Name Is...***


Pegleg Sweet Waters


What's Your Pirate Name?
http://www.blogthings.com/piratenamegenerator/



***You Should Be a Film Writer***


You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.
You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.
Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.
And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!


What Type of Writer Should You Be?
http://www.blogthings.com/whattypeofwritershouldyoubequiz/


--

***You Are 23 Years Old***


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


What Age Do You Act?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/


***Guys Like That You're Fun***


You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing
That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back
You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys
But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you


What Do Guys Like About You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoguyslikeaboutyouquiz/

Your Slanguage Profile

New England Slang: 100% Prison Slang: 50% Victorian Slang: 50% Aussie Slang: 25% British Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 25%

***Your Hat Personality Is A***


Beret


What Hat Are You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whathatareyouquiz/



***You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer***


"We saved the world. I say we have to party."


What Superheroine Are You?
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroineareyouquiz/

Hosted By: Neutral Nation
When: Monday Apr 16, 2007
at 7:00 PM
Where: PROVIDENCE, RI 02903
United States
Description:
Neutral Nation

Click Here To View Event

Yeah, for those of you who grew up in Attleboro or partied in Provi, or caught these guys where/whenever you could, enjoy a nice revisit of one of the best bands I wasn't kewl enough to be invited to see, LOL. That's okay though, because I grew up to be much more than kewl :D

And if, unlike me,  you weren't fortunate enough to ride the bus with or be babysat by one of the members, well, check them out anyway. I admit, they really kick ass :)  Check out my profile for a sample, or myspace them on your own, but give them a listen. You won't be sorry.....unless you're *really* 94, LOL.

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/03/02/coulter-edwards/

Only a few comments here. Obviously, my long held belief that the Republicans are scary and dangerous beings has even further proof. Quite sure Romney (one of the reasons I left Massachusetts) and Coulter prolly planned the whole thing ala Timberlake and Jackson at the Super Bowl.  I just fail to see how the vast majority of America can be so abysmally stupid as to believe that any of the members of the "Grand Old (Boys) Party" actually care a whit for more than lining their own pockets. Evidently, Annie thinks that a few homophobic jokes will make the boys forget she's a girl. GFL.

Argue if you wish, but this just sickens me.
http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2005/10/ann_coulter_wit_1.html

Cheerfully, Tyra Banks has finally become a woman! Yes, she's gained enough weight to look like a real woman, which of course totally ended her career as a professional famine waif. Don't worry, Tyra, you got more respect now than ever among the thinkers in life. Now, Lionel Ritchie a favor and go talk some sense into his.....skeleton, Nicole.  Tell her what nasty things anorexia does to the body that doesn't show up until you're older.....and while you're at it, flip off a photojournalista for me ;) You go girl!

Ah tis a good thing I fell in love with Vlad Taltos years ago (and have at times actually promised people a pair of dead teckla on their pillow) else I would have not taken this quiz...lol

Oddly enough, my results mimic poor Steve's..LOL


   
     
   
 

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle...               Which Sexy Are You?               MY RESULT:Intellectual Sexy                                                                           You've got that smooth, mature kind of sexiness that does really well at Sudoku conventions or just about anywhere. You've got a bit of the Geek in you, which you stealthily use to your advantage.  After all, there's nothing sexier than being smart about what you want and going after it.  You have the potential to wow 'em with your choice words and profound insight.  Just be sure to find a suitable balance between confidence and kindness.  Have courage to speak your mind, but don't forget about giving all your honeys all the love and attention they deserve.  (After all, they were smart enough to go for you.)               Take This Quiz!