No man shall ever attempt to break apart a relationship, regardless if they feel the aforementioned relationship is a bad decision for a friend or other respected person. This is for them to figure out, and while advising people is permitted, actively attempting to be the best interest police is prohibited.

Interference for the purpose of attempting to steal someone's girlfriend is an unspeakable crime and will result in a total loss of respect and reputation.

While most cases of interference are a plague and thus should be eradicated, in certain situations, a party from within the relationship will ask for interference. For the power of good, this is acceptable when it aids the relationship, including but not limited to calling in favors or finding out helpful information. However if the requested interference would damage the relationship, thou shall not interfere — you are not the one who initiated the relationship, thus have no power to end it.

Even if one of the people involved is your girlfriend, simply be supportive to her rather than intervening.

While neutrality is the way to go, there are circumstances which merit action, as this is a case-by-case basis.

If the conflict or argument directly involves falsities, clarifying the truth in a calm and collective manner is acceptable.

In certain extreme cases, a girlfriend or friend that happens to be a girl may end up in physical danger, at which point stepping in is encouraged to avoid any unnecessary bridge burning.

Should your significant other or friend come to you for help, it is acceptable to help, but only reluctantly so and explaining the terms of this particular man law. Unless absolutely necessary, usage of 100% of your resources and effort should not be put to use — the ultimate goal is peace and security while maintaining a positive reputation, which means avoiding any bad blood with anyone.

Trial and error works in most situations that may have called for a manual.

If ever questioned, remember that James Bond dismantled a nuclear warhead without a manual.

Law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

If all urinals are taken, one may wait, but must provide plenty of room between themselves and urinal users, and wait until the current urinal user has turned away and zipped up before approaching urinal.

Sitting down to pee is forbidden and will result in loss of "man" status.

While all occupants of the room may be upset at the most recent screw-up of the home team, you do not necessarily have to make an audible reaction to every play, because chances are, nobody cares what you think.

Those who choose to only "half pay attention" to the game should leave those who are diehards in peace.

Complaining about the other team performing well or making spectacular plays shall be prohibited, whereas respecting or acknowledging the talent of the other team is perfectly acceptable.

If your reaction to what is happening on-screen makes a fellow diehard actually jump, chances are you overreacted, or at least need to tone it down a bit.

All situations are different — depending on the context of the people present, the place where the game is being watched, as well as the importance of said game, different expectations or codes of conduct may apply. It is up to you to decide how much of your mental and social capacity is to be devoted to sports — never let sports come between you and what is in your best interest.

Bandwagoners shall not speak.

Never take talent for granted. Never assume that the receiver will make the catch, or that the free throw is a sure thing; the same holds true for the opposition, assuming the opposition will make the great play just leads to pessimism that no one likes to hear. In order to reduce shock or potentially annoying reactions, expect the unexpected.

In some cases, significant others or friends who are unfamiliar with the sport being played are present — these types of situations usually merit extra explanations or commentary on the game.

When "the game" at hand has nothing to do with the home-team or is relatively unimportant in comparison to other entertainment options available, casual conversations are permitted.

Sports is one of the major sources of male bonding, and as such, it is important that enough conversation is established to find a happy medium between sports and life outside sports. While building a life around sports is common (and with good reason), when things need to be said, they should be said.

Wait 5 seconds of silence

Give a quick "Hello" 3 times

Wait another 4 seconds

If line is still silent, hang up and retry the call

Once your phone has lost connection, quickly redial number

Announce "My phone lost connection"

Return to listening to the "Long Rambler" without interruption

The individual whose phone was the "dropper" is responsible for the callback as soon as possible. Any delay will confuse the other talker and force him/her to initiate a callback, resulting in duel calls.

A person driving through a "dead zone" of wireless connectivity is required to make the callback once he is out of said dead zone regardless of the fact he may be entering another, in which case he is responsible for making sure the call recipient is fully aware of the jeopardy the call is in, and its likelyhood of failure.

Shotgun must be called while outside or in the parking garage as passengers are walking towards the car, and thus cannot be called far in advance.

When shotgun is legitimately disputed, the driver or owner of the car has the authority to settle said disputes.

The shotgun passenger acknowledges that they become responsible for the comfort of the vehicle passengers by controlling the radio and climate controls, however, once again, the driver has final say in these matters. Should the shotgun passenger have a particularly horrible taste in music, he/she can be denied shotgun by popular demand the next time a shotgun-calling situation arises.

Should the driver's significant other be present, she shall automatically be granted shotgun no questions asked.

A driver or owner of the vehicle may void the entire practice of calling shotgun, however he or she must do so well in advance and must make sure that all potential passengers are aware of the absence of shotgun law for the relevant vehicle.

Tofu shall never be eaten.

The veggie burger shall never be consumed.

Any food that contains less than 5 grams of fat per serving.

Those participating in a sport shall be excluded from the rule, but must return to obedience once the competition is over.

When the 20th falls on a Sunday, therefore the start of shopping becomes Monday the 21st.

When targeted gift is released with such hype that it must be bought exceptionally earlier in the morning, therefore the rule "Just get it!" comes into effect, overruling the 20th. [said exception pertains only to said item — all other gifts must wait until the 20th]

The significant other drags us into the retail place with them [still nothing is to be purchased until the 20th]

Shopping season restrictions do not apply if said male is purchasing a new plasma TV or other fancy electronics for himself, which are frequently available for low prices and online shopping following the Thanksgiving holiday.

No wasted beer in the name of humor.

It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it's a 6 day waiting period.

If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend's home)

Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.
When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.

No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you're not a man.

If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.


When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.

When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.
Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn't care about muddy seats.

It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

You poke it you own it.

The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Let's just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.
Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn't mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it (Cameron Ross, Nick Polyzos, Kristina Brockmann, and Drew Westerfield).

If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

Women can't drive.

In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don't agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

A man will not live in his parent's house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

Sex is more important then talking

No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.

No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

Men will invite other men to Man Law

No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it's not their brand."

No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.
It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

If you spill a man's beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can't drink it in said time, don't open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

It is never a man's responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor's lawn.

A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

The bachelor's party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It's understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

A man purse is still a purse. (David Emadi)