Mornings turns to nights,
while I slumber, the world is buzzing.

When my eyes are open,
I start to feel how harsh the silence can be and
I never felt so alone and detached from everything and

everyone I know.

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now
I need you tonite.

I steal a kiss from her sleeping shadow moves
Cause I'll always miss her wherever she goes
And I'll always need her more than she could ever need me
I need someone to ease my mind
But sometimes a someone is so hard to find.

And I'll do anything to keep her here tonite
And I'll say anything to make her feel alright
And I'll be anything to keep her here tonite
Cause I want you to stay, with me
I need you tonite.

She comes to me like an angel out of time
As I play the part of a saint on my knees
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now.

Suffer my desire

Suffer my desire

Suffer my desire for you.

Passing stranger!
You do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking,
or she I was seeking, (it comes to me
as of a dream,)

I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate,
chaste, matured,
You grew up with me,
were a boy with me or a girl with me.

I ate with you and slept with you,
your body has become not yours
only nor left my body mine only.

You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass,
you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you,
I am to think of you when I sit alone or
wake at night alone.

I am to wait,
I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Remembrance of a person is a bit strange.
All of the memories that are held in the brain are released
as you recall an event with a person,
a person that had been your friend, uncle, aunt, mother, father,
whatever.
They were someone to you.

Their body had always been with you.
Everyday they were there, asleep or awake, waiting.
You weren't sure what they were waiting for,
but it was something and it was there.

Everyday new memories were made and
tored in the back of your mind.
Whether it was pointless and dull, or upbeat and hilarious,
the memories were the memories.
They were little things that would forever link you to that person,
a very little thing that was there and real.

It's true that you cannot reach out and physically touch the memory,
but you didn't need to in order to remember how real it truly was.
The laughs that were shared and the sorrows as well,
they were all as visible as the wind.
Only you knew it was there.
Only you could be the one to feel it.

And if you really payed attention in the darkest hour of the night,
you could hear the prayers of the people left behind.
During that hour all voices of your loved ones were heard.
The used-to-be frail voice of a small woman was now the strong,
and the voice of a disgruntled, gentle old man became
the voice of a healthy and vibrant young man.

Their words were like a blanket to make sure everything
was going to be alright during the night.
The words were like a promise to say that nothing would hurt you
as long as they were there with their prayers and their love.

Nothing of sorrow came.
Only happiness and laughter rang in your ears during the silent night.
The strange feeling of remembrance,
the strange feeling of knowing that
when you walked downstairs they were no longer there,
the strange feeling of being alone at night overwhelmed you
as you lied motionless.

Being alone in the night with no outside noise was strange.
It was always there for your life,
and now all of a sudden it was gone.
Your knees were the only part of your body
that were hugged the most now.
Huddled up to your chest and tucked beneath your chin.

However, the memories helped.
They were flowing into your mind behind your closed eyelids,
filling you with the good times.
It's what helped you get to sleep at night.
But what would happen when the memories run out?

Nothing.

Because they would never,
ever run out as long as you let don't them.
Alone in the dark you felt,
but alone in the dark you were not.


The hairs on my bed, the pictures in my phone.
A couple of things that remind me of this mess.
Every night I fall asleep hoping for a better tomorrow
But all I get are bad memories, a day filled with sorrow.

I remember your soft touch,
The one I miss so much.
I remember your smile... your laugh
If only I could just take it back.

I just completely hate the day you had to say goodbye,
I just simply hate the night i had to be alone.

What do you call something that
makes your heart beat so fast and then skips more than a few beats?
Like a sprinter that tripped and fell.

What do you call something that
gives you a nervous pang that shoots from your heart,
down your arm and up your thumb?

What do you call something that
gives your stomach so many butterflies,
you have to apologize to it for them all?

What do you call something that
makes your knees weak each time their gaze meets yours?
And it makes you cry when you think about its end and
that the feeling wasn't returned to you.
But what do you suppose it was called?

You knew it had a name for it,
but you couldn't figure out what it was.
Even after they made it painfully clear that it wasn't returned,
you still felt it.

Even after the tears and the collapse to the ground.
If you could go back in time, you would do thing differently,
trying to make them stay a little longer,
or make the blow a little less painful to hear.
You could have prepared yourself mentally,
to soften the blow.

You can tell yourself that it was fine, and not their fault,
but a part of you wants to know what the exact reason was.
There was more to it.
You always felt like they did deserve someone better,
so if it made them happy, then you would act happy also.
As much as you want to cry
and let them know how hurt you were,
you won't.

You won't lead on that you just want to stay in bed all day,
not do anything but think about what happened
and think about the better times,
even though your mind would replay that ending over and over again.

You knew that it was a part of life,
and it's not going to be the last time, but you want it to be.
They would still be there, you knew that, but it also made it worse.
You would see them and remember what it was like to call them your own.
But you had to act strong and like nothing happened
so that they would never see you weak,
and know how much they hurt you.
How much they made you cry and collapse on the ground.

It would be a long road to recovery,
but it was a road you had to take to start enjoying the things you did before.
After everything you couldn't sleep,
you lost your appetite,
and you didn't enjoy anything that made you happy before.
You looked at the things that were there:
the pen and paper, the belt and uniform, the photo album....
and you felt nothing
but sick.

But what could you do but
let time pass and see where it took you?
Even though every time you tried to take a breath
you were already choking,
and you tried to break something that was already broken....
Nothing helped.
Time would heal the wounds,
and it would leave a scar like everything else that hurt.

You would hold your head high after a few days,
laugh it off and smile again.
You would enjoy the things you used to in time,
and forget about the day that it all ended.
But you would never forget.
You would keep it in the back of your mind
in a box with all the amazing memories that time gave you.
You'd only open that box in private
just in case it gave you a point of weakness
you didn't want anyone else to see.
In time only.
In time.

Live and let live, or live and let die?
Which one was it?
You were angry, but you were sad.
There was nothing you could do to change their feeling,
and you wouldn't blame them.
You couldn't.

The tears would still come and
so would the knees that would give out each time
the ending played in your mind.
Every time, without fail.
Every time you see them, it would be torture,
but in time everything would be alright.
The time would be a while and you knew that.

All you want to say, is "I'm sorry" because you were.
You weren't special or "one-of-a-kind" and
you wish you were.

A part of you wanted them to
see you collapse on the ground in tears,
but the other half wouldn't let you because
it would make them feel worse,
and you cared about them too much.

You wanted them to be happy,
even if it meant that you couldn't be
with them.

Hearts break, and people fall.
Of course,
the one that has had their heart broken are
the ones that fall so quickly.
Maybe it's because of an attachment,
or maybe it's just because of they way they looked when doing it.

When a person says they're sorry,
they usually show some sort of emotion,
along the lines of sadness, regret...
But when a person shows nothing...
That's when it hurts the most.

And then they try to pass off their confusion and lack of sympathy
as you trying to blame them.
Even though you should, but you won't.
They get defensive and tell you
that you should not be telling them what they are and are not.
But it's how you felt.

They told you how they felt, so why can you not tell them your side?
Yes it hurts, but everything hurts.
If it was a day, a week, a month, a year...
They all hurt.

And then...
not knowing what to say... Hurts most of all.
What do you do?
Stay friends? Become enemies?
Maybe neither.
Your head tells you to hate them, but your heart tells you otherwise.
So which do you listen to?
Head, or heart?

In times like these, in hurt times,
it's hard to choose which one to listen to.
But you're tired of all this.
You're tired of hurt, pain, loneliness, regret...
You're tired of not sleeping, of the guilt, of the heartbreak....
And you don't want to deal with it anymore.

But it's life and it's one of many things to go wrong.
To not go according to plan.
You've shed your tears,
but at points in time, they come back.

So for the night,
you will sit on the edge of your roof
and ignore the phone that sits beside you,
teetering back and fourth,
wondering what would happen
if you teetered just a little too far forward...

Go.

Everybody always leaves.
That's the scary thing.
You never know who to love, who to trust,
or which direction you want to go.
You say you will never leave,
but you always end up doing just that.

Leaves.

It's what people do best.
Some may not realize that, but it happens.
You don't consider the consequences, good or bad.
You would walk away from someone that needed you,
you would leave them alone... Again.
Just as you found them in the first place.

When you're young, it happens,
and when you're old, it happens.
People of all shapes and sizes leave,
different ethnicities, different everything.
You can never be 100% sure unless you know someone,
but even then you're scared.

You're scared of being alone, being abandoned...
You would rather hate instead of being alone.

because then at least you knew,
someone was thinking about you,
even in a bad way.
Because you can never truly know what's in store for you until you enter,
unless you take the initiative to do something about your unhappiness,
your fear.

But yet.... We understand.
We understand that you're hesitant to trust.
How can you tell what’s real?
Whether it’s love or just lust or just infatuation?

Stay.

We should make everyone stay, stay a little longer.
Hold them a little longer, kiss them a little longer,
need them a little longer.
Because once someone is gone,
maybe we start getting used to the idea of not having them,
and we become less and less dependent on that said person.

It's not a game, and you're certainly no prize.
You're far from perfection, and it's something you realize.

You want them to promise to love you forever,
but even promises are broken.
They tell you over and over again,
but it's always coming undone.

Was it something you did?
Something you said?

You'll never know, but what you will know,
is that something, along the line,
something went wrong.
And you pray with everything that it fixes itself,
but it never does.

You lie in bed, awake,
for the second night with no chance of sleeping,
thinking it was all a mistake.

If people never entered,
they would never have to leave.

So you've decided to give up,
never let people in so they could never leave,
but you know you would go insane.

Sometimes all you need is a hug and reassurance
to know you're wanted,needed,
or just... There.

You're not useless, but it's how you feel.
You realize getting hurt is inevitable,
but you don't want to go through it again.

No, not again !
No, you don't want the abuse, the marks, the bruises, the pain.
You don't want the death, for your past to repeat itself..
You don't want to leave.

All you want, is to be told, "I love you" ,
from the person that it matters most.

You try so hard.... to be beautiful for once.
To make yourself look... confident.
You look for a comment, but it never comes.
Do you know why?

It's simply because they don't notice you.
They don't notice your efforts because you're not worth the time.
Maybe, on the outside there's a strong smile,
but inside you're screaming.
Everyone needs someone a while.

Some days you're angry, at yourself, at the world, at a specific other.
But you just want to be recognized, you suppose.
When you try, nothing comes. It's what you're used to.

What can you do to keep them?
Keep them with you, make them stay.

If you dressed differently, acted different.
It keeps you up for days on end.
You're used to everything that happens but....
You want to change some that does.
But no one is there to help you.

You don't know what you can do anymore.
Are you even good enough?
Or is it pity?

You can't tell the difference.
All you do, is think. Think about it and sigh.
It's in people's heads, and that's all. It's never there.
What can you think?
What can you do?
Is there anything?

No !
You're not good enough.. Never will be.
Because... no one notices you.
No one is there. They all left.
But some are there.


Some.