My rational, hyper-critical mind demands empirical verification of everything.



But my intuitive right-brained creative side moves in the realm of imagination, magic and mystery.

From that side of my being I have created this list of affirmations




I am not a victim of anything

I create my own reality

I am consciousness itself. I am eternal.

I cannot be harmed by any change that occurs in the material realm

I will not be harmed by physical death

There is no need to worry about gain or loss

There is no gain or loss

There is no past or future, only now

I cannot be harmed. Nothing can hurt me, including disease and death.

Physical death is liberation

Everything that happens is positive for my real self

It's all good

There is no need to fear or resist any change.

I am. That is the basic fact.

If I exist now, I always will and always have--so I can relax

The one is the all, and the all are the one

What I put out, I get back

There is nothing outside of me.

The "outside" is just a mirror of the inside

Physical reality does not exist except as a reflection of what I believe is true

Change is without end--except for my eternal nature

Circumstances (real or imagined) don't matter; I can choose to be happy right now

I follow my bliss

I do what excites me

When I feel fear, stress, or anger, I don't avoid looking at them; I examine how they SERVE me

I remember other times and places when the extra-bodily nature of consciousness was more apparent

Nothing that happens is negative

I cannot lose, no matter what I do.

There is nothing to look forward to. It is all present now.

There is nothing to feel guilty about in the past. I have always done the best I could under the circumstances.

All thoughts of past and future are just dreams, with no foundation in reality

Inherent happiness is the only true reality

Everything except my perfect inherent happiness is illusion, a passing dream state.

Everything I see and everything I think are part of the dream

I see myself as if a camera moving through a multidimensional dream landscape--recording all of the amazing sights and sounds, but with no need to react negatively to anything that appears. None of it is more real than a movie, not even the thoughts that appear in the mind

During sleep I am in contact with my non-physical self. On awaking I am renewed and rejuvenated


Only a small portion of my multi-dimensional being is focused in the physical reality.

No matter how lost in illusion my physical self may become, my larger self is always whole, perfect, and immersed in inherent happiness

I had an insight recently about my irritable bowel syndrome and its origin. For the longest time I kept thinking that my stomach problems commenced when I made a very unfortunate choice of a marriage partner 14 years ago. That's certainly a point when the stomach began screaming at me in earnest.

Other times I have thought that perhaps my stomach bothers me a lot because I have been such a judgmental person for many years and now all those judgments are coming back to haunt me. I judge myself negatively for being in pain. It means I must be weak and inadequate, I become angry at myself. I attack myself mercilessly. I put myself down. As a result my stomach goes into a further tailspin of pain and despair.

But wait! I am now recalling that the stomach drama goes back even further than that, I remember as a small child there was that sensitive region below my breast bone which was extremely tender. I was always afraid some other kid would strike me there and leave me paralyzed in excruciating pain.

As a result I was always very defensive about my abdomen, protecting it, guarding it. It was the weakest most fragile part of my anatomy.

Is that the origin of my gastrointestinal woes?

I had a dream recently that takes it back even further. I was an Indian brave in the old west. I was defending my homeland against the savage, brutal white intruders. I donned my battle gear, smeared on some war paint, mounted my steed, and fought valiantly to defend my land, my home, my way of life

It was that one bullet to my mid section that felled me and ended everything I had fought for.

I lay dying there on the prairie, having proudly given my life to defend my people and my home. It was a slow agonizing death that went on several days.

And during that time I never gave up and let go of my anger over the white intruders and what they had done to me and my people.

Now here I am a lifetime or two later and I still haven't forgiven. I still hold that anger in my stomach.

I am now a white man myself, and I still hold deep resentment toward my own race and what we have done to this continent and to the world.

I am punishing my own self with my anger. My stomach takes bullets of rage that I shoot at it every day.

How long must I lie here clutching my abdomen before this hell comes to an end?

What is this strange concept called forgiveness?

Making love with the eyes.

Making love with the genitals is a much coveted enterprise.

But I find it leaves a lot to be desired.

For one thing it involves too many juices and often requires a cleanup.

Then there is are questions of jealousy, greed, hunger for more, and possessiveness.

These all taint the carnal lovemaking realm

I prefer to make love with the eyes.

It requires much less commitment.

You don't have to have a consenting partner.

Anything you lay your eyes on you can be in love with, making love to.

Your lover can be all of creation.

You see?

The normal, highly-coveted form of making love is too complicated.

And you are always having to search for a willing victim.

Then you get big, wild excitement for a little while and then its over, like a lightning storm

You're tired you feel exhausted.

And maybe your lover decides to reject you

Then how do you feel? Huh?

When making love with the eyes there is no rejection

You can love all that you see.

There is continuous orgiastic fulfillment without end.

You can be in love with all of creation and not worry about waking up the next morning in some sleazy motel not knowing how you got there or who is this strange being by your side.

For this visual lovemaking, you don't even need a woman. That saves a lot of valuable time.

Because you can just make love with whatever your eyes happen to fall upon.

And there is no worry about sexually transmitted diseases.

And you are not going to get anyone pregnant.

Such is the freedom from worry of making love with the eyes.

You can do it with a tree, a rainy street, a homeless person, an old Chevrolet, or even a football player, or a monk. The range of possible lovers is almost infinite.

The eyes were born to love, to make love

And the world they survey is infinitely lovable.

What great loving partners

There's no problem of incompatibility here.

There is also no getting stuck in a bad relationship.

There is no need for boredom

Because you are changing partners every nanosecond

It's like experiencing the exhilaration of falling in love with a new person over and over and over as every new moment is born.

How intoxicatingly loving these eyes can be if we put aside our prejudices and judgments and look upon this world with fresh, childlike wonder right this second.

Professional hypochondria

I am a hypochondriac.

I must confess. I can't hide from it.

This can be a problem since I also firmly believe that we do create our own reality.

Thus any disease that I come to believe I am victim of will then begin to take over my body as soon as I imagine I am infected with it.

There is no hope for me then.

I will eventually be possessed by every disease I have ever dreamed of having been stricken with.

This is pretty scary what with manic depression, sociopathology, water on the brain, schizophrenia, mad cow disease, and delusions of grandeur being so prevalent nowadays (especially among our leaders)..

I think there is no hope for me.

I am exploring one solution but I am not sure if it will work yet.

When I have an attack of some alleged disease which is in reality merely a hypochondriac episode, I let it have its way with me. I let it eat me alive instead of resisting.

Normally I have in the past tried to fight with my imaginary attacks of alleged diseases that I fantasize are attacking me. This never works, because a struggle ensues. The healthy self versus the imaginary diseased self.

Then I become convinced that the healthy self is not really healthy, but only believes it is healthy because of some nasty form of brain cancer which prevents it from seeing the reality that the horrid disease has taken over the body.

This results in adding insult to the imagined injury. Thus, I end up imagining not only that a deadly disease is encroaching on and devouring my body, but also that I have become so totally deluded that I cannot even recognize it.

I then lie in a fetal position unable to move or think of any escape from my imaginary upcoming discombobulation.

Now I am working on a new scheme.

I hope this will work. This is my last hope.

Instead of fighting with the imaginary disease and creating a healthy self who is at war with the sickly hypochondriac self, I just go with the flow.

I let the deadly imaging have its way with me. It eats me up head to toe until I am no more.

I'm gone. That hunk of diseased protoplasm formerly known as my body is now out of the way. Problem solved.

Instead of fighting my hypochondriac notions that I have malaria, dengue fever, trichinosis, jungle rot, ebola, or restless leg syndrome, I just visualize that alleged disease taking over my body. And I watch the whole progression of the disease without ever resisting it.

I watch the whole horrifying spectacle of my dismemberment

I watch it passively all the way until it takes me all the way into the ground and pulverizes me into dust.

"Dust thou art."

I resist nothing. I let it be.

Then what happens?

I still am. There is consciousness. There is awakeness. There maybe no longer any diseased self who is aware, but awareness persists.

Awareness itself somehow managed to survive all of the indignities that befell the body.

That spark of consciousness survived the body's battle with rabies, black plague, and monkeypox.

And then I wake up again here in my room.

Now I am all recovered and ready to imagine the next deadly attack of shingles, anthrax and leprosy.

Ooh ooh, the pain the suffering. It's taking me down. Ooh, I'm writhing in uncontrollable convulsions.

Then darkness, silence.

Hey who said that?

Can one person hurt another emotionally?

I worry about this sometimes, because some people, primarily women, have accused me of hurting them emotionally.

They say I withdrew my love.

They tell me that when two people spend time together as a couple there is supposedly some kind of implied promise that they will stay together indefinitely.

Then if I, for example, decide that I have learned all I can from a relationship and decide it's time to move on well, that means I am a sinner, a traitor, an abandoner.

I have caused pain in another. I have violated expectations

Because once you have mingled your hearts, your bodies, your affections, according to certain women I have been with, then you are supposed to remain together forever and never go your separate ways.

But what if your feelings change? Then are you supposed to pretend?

I feel guilty sometimes because I have not lived up to this expectation of the eternal nature of love that others seem to carry.

Some women say that I have hurt them. I loved them. We had wonderful experiences together. We had ecstatic adventures. We even skyrocketed together to distant galaxies of pleasure. It was very potent at times.

Then I woke up one day and decided I needed to be alone. For how long who knows? I just had to go my own way.

I just needed to be alone.

And I admit, I was not good at communicating my need to be alone, to be apart.

I just went away. I just hid out.

I made excuses for why I was not there for them any more.

The fact was I needed space to grow. I needed time and space to assimilate all that merging of souls that had taken place.

I mean, can one person really hurt another person? Or can we only hurt ourselves by having expectations that the other person cannot meet?

When I see that a woman starts developing lots of expectations of me about a planned future together, sometimes it makes me nervous.

I get antsy. I look for ways of thwarting those expectations. Maybe I am not a skilled communicator. I am unable to express that feeling that I often feel that is like "Yes, I do care about you and appreciate you and feel deeply for you AND I also feel we need to move on. I want my own space, my own time. I want my own sanctuary where I can be totally alone.

I feel guilty sometimes, because women claim that my actions have caused them to feel hurt.

But the fact is I never wanted to hurt anybody. I have always consciously wanted to work for everybody's well being. Why would I want to hurt anyone?

These women just don't understand that I will not really be doing them a favor if I stay there just pretending to love, pretending to want to be there when it's not really true.

It's better to follow my heart and to leave when I want to leave.

There are no guarantees in life.

For a relationship to continue, it has to have value for both partners in the living present. It mustn't be just based on beautiful memories of times gone by, or on the fulfillment one person's imagined future.

There has to be growth occurring right now.

I think it's all good though, even the misunderstandings. It's all leading toward each person learning to take responsibility for his/her own life and his/her own feelings.

That idea "You create your own reality." has awesome implications.

I, the being who I really am, behind the ego masks and smokescreens, does create my life. I create all of my own challenges and difficulties. I create this whole dreamlike world that I am drifting through.

No one else makes me feel guilty or hurt. I do it to myself.

All of the demons who attack me are of my own creation.

I am not a victim of anything. How can I remember this when I am lost in the throes of self-pity? When I am angry at all those who have "done me harm"?

And those women, those women who claim I have hurt them emotionally, are they not creations of my deepest nature too? What is this mirror they are holding up meant to teach me?

El gringo intenta lo imposible: escribir algo comprensible en español





Nací en los Estados Unidos pero en este momento estoy buscando otro parte del mundo para pasar los años que me quedan es esta encarnación.





Estoy muy frustrado con mi pais de nacimiento





He vivido aquî toda mi vida.





Ahora mismo ya no es el mismo pais que he conocido durante la mayor parte de mi vida.





Ya no estoy cómodo aquí. No estoy cómodo con los criminales que han ganado control del gobierno estadounidense. No estoy cómodo que hay tanta gente aquí que todavia no entiende lo que está pasando en los EEUU





Esa cosa de tratar de ganar control de todo el petroleo en el mundo por medio de la fuerza militar es sumamente feo, y resulta en la muerte de miles de inocentes.





Viviendo en este pais me siento como si comparto la responsabilidad en la muerte de la gente alrededor del mundo que la policias de nuestro gobierno junto con las companias multinacionales se han efectuado.





Viviendo aquí llego a ser acostumbrado a este nivel a vivir que es alto económicamente, pero es un nivel que resulta en el hecho que gente en otros partes no tienen bastante.





Los Estadounidenses tienen 5 porciento de la poblacion del mundo pero usan 25% del los recursos naturales. Es un pais gordo, que maneja coches gordos, y vive en casa gordas. Nuestros cuerpos y sesos están llenos de la grasa. Todo el mundo aquí cree que es su derecho de nacimiento tener mas que el resto del mundo





El pueblo de este pais ha llegado a ser perezoso, inculto, codioso, e intolerante.





La expresion mas visible de nuestra estupidez es que hemos electado un tonto venenoso como presidente dos veces. (Sí, probablemente la elección fue robada, pero por lo menos 40% votó por ese diablito).





Y la gran mayoria del pueblo es tan hipnotizado por la televison que todavia no se da cuenta del grado de la maldad de los criminales que estan jalando los cuerdas de ese títere Bush





Por supuesto nada es tan blanco y negro com estoy describiendo, pero como una generalizacion la gente en este pais cree que merece todo y no necesita trabajar por nada.





No estoy de acuerdo con tal actitud.





Entonces intento jubilarme y mudarme a Sudamerica o Central America pronto. Hasta ahora solamente he visitado a La Republica Dominicana y Costa Rica. Costa Rica es sumamente agradable, abundante, y lujoso. Me gustaría vivir allí, pero he escuchado muchas buenas cosas tambien acerca de Panama, Venezuela, Bolivia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Argentina, Peru, Uruguay etc.





¿Hay alguien que quiere mandarme recomendaciones con respeto al lugar mas adecuado para una persona que quiere escapar de la prisa y la locura del materialismo y fervor nacionalistico que anubla los almas de los estadounidenses

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.

"Maybe," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"Maybe," replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

"Maybe," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

"Maybe," said the farmer.



Twenty-First Century ADDENDUM:



The following day the son's leg was infected with gangrene. The neighbors offered their sympathies. "What a terrible turn of events" they asserted.

"Maybe," the farmer replied.

On the next day, the son received a check for ten million yuan from the richest man in China who had heard the story and was touched by it. The neighbors expressed their envy about this last stroke of good fortune.

"Maybe," replied the old man.

The following day a hurricane blew through the old farmer's house and scattered the ten million yuan over 6 provinces to the east. "Oh how horrible," shouted the neighbors as they chased after currency floating in the breeze.

"Maybe," the farmer contested.

Sometime after dawn on the day after that, the son was overwhelmed with bliss upon discovering that his happiness was not dependent on whether or not he had millions of yuan. He radiated love to all around him. The neighbors all exclaimed: "Isn't this just wonderful, this transformation that has taken place"

"Maybe," interjected the old farmer

Soon it became known that the son's blissful state and the charismatic affect it was having on all around him was a source of intense jealousy among leaders of the United States Government. US Government officials who had previously believed it was possible to bomb countries into accepting democracy, now became convinced that they must bomb countries where there is any sign of love and harmony just to show them that no one in this world is more loving than the military-industrial-pharmaceutical complex of the United States. In accordance with it's objective of introducing love into the air, the US government launched 3 brand new one million megaton Dr. Strangelove nuclear bombs directly into a trajectory toward the region of China where the farmer and his son were transforming humanity.

The flash of light when the bombs struck was so intense that even the corpses buried six feet underground were blinded. The impact and nuclear detonation shook the earth so violently it was propelled into a new orbit. Day turned into night as a thick cloud of radioactive effluvium rose up into the jet stream. The continent of Asia was instantly converted into a gigantic crater of radioactive glass.

The President of the United States held a press conference announcing that we were victorious in spreading our message of love and peace around the world.

From the astral realm. The now deceased neighbors moaned and wailed. They screamed and cried about the incineration of their bodies in that blinding flash. "Isn't this the worst that could have happened to us and to the entire planet?" they sobbed.

"Maybe." decried the now disembodied farmer.

As it turned out the intense searing heat of the nuclear explosion burned away most of the bad karma of the old farmer, his son, the neighbors and all of the people in a 500 mile radius who were incinerated in the blast. With all of that dead psychospiritual weight sloughed off their astral forms began ascending to previously unimagined realms of beauty, peace, and wonder. All of these nuked souls felt as if they were swimming into a sea of nectarine bliss. Reeling in splendorous delight, some of the souls sang out in praise: "Isn't this the most glorious thing that could have happened to us!"

"Maybe." rang out the gloriously ecstatic voice of the formerly old farmer, his radiant body emitting oscillating waves of tranquilizing rainbow colored lights.

Meanwhile, back on earth, it was approaching the darkest age of human consciousness. Nearly all people on the planet were intensely disturbed psychologically. Wars raged endless and new ones kept popping up like wild fires. Civilization was breaking down. Morality was hard to find anywhere. At the same time hurricanes, typhoons, volcanos, tsunamis, floods, and earthquakes raged on every corner of the globe.

The old farmer, his son, and the neighbors looked down on the horrors below from their celestial realm of peace. They felt great compassion for all the suffering beings down on earth. There was such a great dissonance between the ecstasy of their existence and the agony of the poor beleaguered beings on earth that they felt compelled to return to earth to work to lessen the suffering that was everywhere there.

One by one the blissful souls in the celestial heights compassionately chose wombs to enter. They merged with fetuses about to be born in that hell realm on earth. They succeeded in choosing a somewhat protected enclave, somewhat isolated from the worst of the chaos of the world, where babies were still being born in a somewhat healthy state and still had a little food to eat and had parents to nurture them.

As the little newborns began to mature, they all seemed particularly healthy and bright, but being neonates they had forgotten where they had come from and how they had gotten there.

As the baby carriage carrying a toddler who had been one of the neighbors was being pushed through the vast wasteland of a decimated region that used to be a tropical rainforest. the precocious baby looked over the devastation and was overwhelmed with immense sadness

Meanwhile, being pushed in the opposite direction in another baby carriage was the old farmer baby. When they drew near each other, the eyes of the two babies met. The neighbor baby began bawling loudly. "Wah! Isn't this world hopelessly ugly and sad?" cried out the neighbor baby.

The old farmer baby lifted his head innocently and serenely and replied:

"Maybe, baby"







(To be continued)

"Maybe," announced the old farmer