Check out my recordings and let me know what you think!

I found Stary Cat Strut on here... I've been doing this one in karaoke for ages and do a passible job of it, so check it out!

Check out my recordings and let me know what you think!

I nailed this one...

Check out my recordings and let me know what you think!

Ok... so it needs some work...

The past week or so has usually been the ugliest, most stressful, in my and Fu-Witch's history.  The relationship is still going wonderfully, but as you know, Dear Reader, relationships aren't the only things that cause stress.  As it turns out, dangerously alcoholic idiot roommates cause stress too…  Even after you've thrown them out.  I will refer you to ask Fu-Witch's blog on the subject for more detail.  Suffice it to say, it turned out that Nutmeg had been drinking on the sly pretty much since he got off the plane at Lambert Airfield.  When we finally found all the empty bottles, and partially empty bottles in the house, it was absolutely astounding.  Five   5^th's of vodka, 95% of which had been consumed, and somewhere between 25 and 30 empty bottles of vanilla extract, which was far more disturbing than the vodka.  At any rate, I had warned him that if I called him drinking after he arrived, he would find himself in a far worse situation than being homeless on the streets of Baltimore…  He would find himself homeless on the streets in the middle of nowhere.

That was no idle threat.

The day we kicked Nutmeg to the curb, we expected him to leave town on foot and head for civilization immediately.  We were wrong.  The following morning, as Fu-Witch was making her way across town, she encountered Nutmeg…  Passed out behind Brad's Quick Store with a stolen, mostly empty gallon bottle of vodka.  Fu-Witch went into the store and had the owner the dial 911.  When the police arrived (from across the street) Fu-Witch was still screaming at Nutmeg and you still would not wake up.  Apparently he almost died yet again, having a blood sugar of 30 and a blood-alcohol content that was somewhere in the neighborhood of six or seven times the legal limit.

From what I understand, he is still in the hospital, and being transferred to a state-run rehab facility and the morning, where the Powers That Be have high hopes that he will make a full recovery and become a productive member of society. Morons. He has also been informed that if he return to Monkey City, he will be arrested on sight. I just hope he realizes that if he DOES come back, he better hope the cops catch him before I do. I never wanna here from the motherfucker again. Not even when he's working on step 9.

This whole debacle, while extremely pathetic, was not the most stressful item on the week's list.  Almost two weeks ago, Fu-Witch's cats Spaz give birth to a litter of six kittens.  On Sunday night's, Spaz went out to roam the neighborhood as she always does…  But this time she never came home.  She didn't come home all day Monday either.  We found out on Tuesday that the reason she never came home was that she was dead, apparently poisoned.  This stuck Fu-Witch with the unenviable job of bottle feeding a litter of six loud, unappreciative, flea-ridden kittens.  Spaz was not the only neighborhood cat to die in this manner in the last few weeks.  Apparently, one of our neighbors is a major league shit-head, and when located, will be dealt with accordingly.

But wait!  That's not all!

In addition to these things, we have been dealing with DFS, various local rednecks including one that called herself Princess and looked like Chaka from Land Of The Lost, my Offspring's behavior issues, the backlash from Nutmeg's departure, computer equipment problems, and promoting the most recent update for TerriblyWrongOnline.com this…  Wow!  That was a mouthful!  It has been relatively hellish.  A bright spots have been Fu-Witch being her usual loving self, and absolutely exemplary behavior from Future Felon (to the point where I may have to change his name).  He has been bringing home excellent reports from school, and helping out around the house in more ways than you can shake a stick at.

Oh…  One final note.  As it turns out, Future Felon had a copy of Star Wars: Empire At War sitting in his closet.  He had no real desire to play it, and had forgotten about it.  He gave it to me yesterday for installation onto Hal (yes, I have finally accepted the fact that my computer is possessed) and I am now thoroughly addicted.  So, if I suddenly stopped are producing videos and a website updates, you'll know where I am.

Video by Reverend Mace Song by GWAR

I ordinarily would not dream of doing to blogs and one day, but the dictation software makes me more inclined to do it, and something happened this evening that was so bizarre that it actually had to be recorded.  While I was sitting here minding my own business, playing Solitaire on myyearbook.com, when our happy home was invaded by yuppies.

Yes, that's right.  yuppies.

As many of you are aware, I grew up in the area just north of Baltimore City, sandwiched between a black neighborhood and A Jewish neighborhood.  The upshot of this is that when presented with a yuppie, my initial reaction is fear.  I simply have no idea how to relate to people like that.  Here's how it went down...

Apparently, the female half of the couple had gone to school with Fu-Witch, and recently added your on myspace.com.  Shortly after dinner, said friend, Yuppette, called Fu-Witch and asked if they would stop by and "drop something off".  While Fu-Witch had no idea out what she wanted to drop off, or even who this woman was, having no memory of gone to school with her, she agreed to it.  It was shortly after this conversation that Nutmeg informed us that the Storm Of The Century was rolling in.  Nutmeg, having been the away from Tornado Alley for a decade or so, began to freak out after looking at the Doppler radar online.  I was sort of vaguely aware that the visit was going to happen, but had the presence of mind to, during the downpour, ask Fu-Witch to call her friend and ask if she was still coming.  When she called, they were already sitting in the driveway.

After some hemming and hawing about meeting them outside in the pouring rain, the yuppies decided to join us inside.  They had in their hands what looked like a bottle of wine and pamphlets which stuck me as odd.  The exchange pleasantries for about 5 minutes before I simply could take it anymore and had to excuse myself.  I were treated to the bedroom where Nutmeg, Future Felon, and I hid for most of the remainder of their visit, which seemed to last forever.  At one point during the seige, I had to leave to safty and comfort of the bedroom, where Nutmeg and I were explaining the concept of Yuppiehood for Future Felon, to go to the bathroom. On my way by the diningroom table where Fu-witch was dealing with the over-happy couple, I noticed they were going over the pamphlets, which had price lists on them... it was than that I realized that the Killer Mutant Yuppies From Hell were trying to sell us something...

Boy, were they in for a shock.

It was shortly thereafter that Fu-Witch returned to the bedroom with an information packet in hand.  As it turns out, the yuppies were NOT trying to sell us anything, but were instead trying to get us to sell something.  Some kind of expensive yuppiefied juice.  Something I can't see selling at all out here in Anheuser-Busch territory.

Here we go, folks.  Another blog entry done with Microsoft Speech Recognition software.  I'm getting a Lot better using the software and learning a few tricks.

We had an interesting night last night.  Nutmeg, Fu-Witch, and I went to karaoke night at Happy Joe's.  Last week was the first week the did karaoke at this place, and we discovered upon arrival that the husband of the women running the karaoke rig was an old friend of mine from back when I worked at Steel and Pipe Supply in Jonesburg, MO.  The man in question, who we will call Dr. Octopus due to his startling resemblance to Alfred Molina, worked on the same chain-gang As I did.  He is quite a nice fellow and his wife is a sweetheart and they do the karaoke at Happy Joe's every Wednesday.

Anyway, back to last night...  We actually arrive right on time, which is a switch for us.  It was a good sized crowd, mostly middle-aged and older, all very relaxed.  Unfortunately, while en route to the bar, the drunken lesbian who lives across the street decided she wanted to tag along with us.  Not that I have anything at all against lesbians.  Several of my favorite porn actresses are lesbians.  My problem is with sloppy drunks.  Nutmeg picked on her most of the way the to the bar.  Many a laugh was had at her expense, and she was too drunk to realize it.

Fuck it.  It's "long-story-short" time.

We went.

We sang.

Nutmeg left early, so we drank.  (A little bit anyway.  We are not exactly rolling in dough these days.)

At the end of the night, I once again got suckered into singing "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf, which always fries my vocal cords.  I woke up this morning sounding like I had been gargling broken glass all night.  It probably did not help that immediately after duet, Brace (Dr. Octopus's wife) had me do two solo songs back-to-back.  If I didn't know better, I would have thought she was intentionally trying to damage my throat.  Fortunately, at the time, I had a pretty solid buzz, so it didn't actually hurt at the time, it just sounded like shit.  Additionally, the crowd had thinned out, and those who were left were too drunk to care.  So I dodge the public-humiliation bullet on that one.  I was actually kind of glad that Gossip Girl, the woman who was supposed to meet us at the bar, was unable to attend.  I imagine she would have given me endless amounts of crap about tanking via e-mail and text.

The walk home was interesting.  We want list of the way the with a friend of Fu-Witch's from Tagged.com and her boyfriend.  The boyfriend was piss-drunk, and she was much better.  We parted ways about halfway home, and were shouting "Marco/Polo" at each other for a few blocks...  At midnight...  In a residential area...  In a small town...

Yeah, we were pretty toasted.

Fu-Witch and I spend some quality time together after we arrived home, which is always nice...  But was especially nice last night.  *EVIL GRIN*

As you can see, I am still trying to get a handle on the dictation software, but it is coming along nicely.  The good news for you, Dear Reader, is that I'm having so much fun with the dictation that you will be seeing more daily blog entries.  More to come later...

This is thing on?

I am doing a little experiment today.  This entire blog entry is being done that with the Microsoft dictation software... A process that would be a lot easier without Fu-Witch and Nutmeg snickering at me and the background.  They hear me doing this and yet they persist.  The odd thing about the dictation is you have to articulate everything you say.  Between their snickering and Shrek blowing up my inbox on my text messaging on my cell phone, I'm not getting it whole fuck of a lot done.

They simply won't stop.  Fu-Witch can't help but snicker, and Nutmeg keeps wringing his hands and muttering about Skynet.  It really doesn't make for a good created an environment.  I have, however, done a couple of paragraphs at this point without actually touching my keyboard or mouse.  Fu-Witch thinks it's creepy.  I will admit the training process for the speech recognition is a little weird and a gigantic pain in the ass.  Ultimately, my goal is to be able to talk to the computer and haven't response like a person would, or at least have the not open the wrong.damn program.

What can I say?  The idea  of simply telling of my computer to do something and then having the computer do it appeals to me on a deep and nerdy level.  At this point, it is still actually slower than typing thanks to all the corrections I have to make.  But the good news is that the eventually I will simply be able to talk to my computer and have it do a blog entry always to the end that is reasonably intelligible and posted for me without ever having to touch the computer.

How fucking lazy is that?

Anyway, things have been going pretty well out here. Fu-Witch's cat, Spaz, had a litter of kittens about a week ago.  There are six of them, total.  The kids have gone back to school, which is looking more and more like divine gift from god every year. Soccer season has also started which puts me at the field every Saturday standing on the sidelines ranting a like a lunatic.  To any of you who know me well or knew my father this will come as no surprise.  Fu-Witch and I are still doing wonderfully, and Nutmeg is...  Well, he's Nutmeg.

On the cyber-front, TerriblyWrongOnline.com has been down for most of the week due to the fact that this server seems to have gone tits up. Have been assured by Pippin's wife that the parts have been ordered and repairs will be commencing shortly.  The Terribly Wrong Online News is being relatively well received.  I have actually received very little hate-mail, which surprises fuck out of me.  Unfortunately, I've recieved very few comments period.  If you haven't already, please go to youtube.com and checked out and subscribe to our channel.

This is actually getting to be more of a pain in the ass than it is worth, so I'm going to close this entry.  Maybe I can train the speech recognition better later without everybody snickering at me.

Well, now that I have you attention, I wanna talk to you folks about the news.

As most of you folks  know, I have indeed been out of touch for a while. See, I'm basically living in the middle of nowhere, and while I have unlimited Internet access here, I haven't been very chatty. Most of what I have been doing on the net lately is indulging a new passion of mine...

The News.

Most of you reading this know me, so you know for 35 years I have been pretty well, apolitical. I didn't vote. I didn't read the news. I basically ignored the world around me. The change started to happened about a year ago when my father passed away. No, his death wasn't the big catalyst that turned me into a person who cares about the world around him... but it did get the ball rolling for where I am today. Actually, it was the 1 year anniversary that did it.

Around the time when the anniversary of my father's death was approaching, I started to get very depressed ad was feeling nostalgic, so I started rooting around online and found one of the TV shows my dad and I watched together, The West Wing (a show about a fictitious democratic White House administration). It's very entertaining and well done.

I sat and watched every episode of the show I could find online, right up to the end of the series. I found it so engaging, that I began to get curious about REAL politics, a subject I had been largely ignoring my entire life. It was about this time that I also began exploring some of the features of the software that I had been given as payment by a client of mine, which included Microsoft Office 2007. One of those features was the RSS reader in Microsoft Outlook. While playing with it one night, I subscribed to a couple of news feeds (automatic news delivery)...

It wasn't long before I was hooked.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I don't suddenly have strong political opinions. Truth be told, I still hate politics. I still think that Bush is an inarticulate idiot. I still think McCain is an ineffectual dottering old man. I still think that Obama is the Antichrist. I still think Hillary Clinton is a cunt. None of my news reading has changed that... not that it really matters in my case since I lost the right to vote when I was convicted of my felony.

BUT! I DO find the coverage of politics and other news stories extremely entertaining. Especially the shit coming out of Washington. We are a people in crisis. Our country is at war. Our economy is crumbling. Our west coast is on fire. There is strife everywhere we turn.

I've never been more entertained in my entire life!!!

So, whether you are a democrate, a republican, an independant, a libertarian (that was for you, Pippin), or completely apolitical, I still recommend following the news. Because no matter where you stand on the issues, somebody is gona fuck up...

And it will in all liklihood be hilarious.

I will leave you know with the lyrics to "The Merry Minuet" by The Kingston Trio...

They're rioting in Africa
They're starving in Spain
There's hurricanes in Florida
And Texas needs rain

The whole world is festering with unhappy souls
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch
And I don't like anybody very much

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off and we will all be blown away

They're rioting in Africa
There's strife in Iran
What nature doesn't do to us
Will be done by our fellow man