Being vindictive isn't the life one should lead.  However, it seems that I am being forced into that role.  It seems too high stress.  Like holding grudges.  These scumballs I am related to seem to think I hold grudges.  Nah, I don't hold grudges.  They confuse my apathetic demeanor towards them as me having a grudge.  They're filthy, disgusting, and don't know how to clean up after themselves.  Why, in the world, would I wanna associate with such filth.  Oh, and now they're mad at me because I won't allow them to use my washer and dryer that they so carelessly tore up.  It doesn't matter it's just "cosmetic" damage.  It's damage that was caused by their inconsideration of the only piece of property I own.  My washer and dryer, that I spent $1200 to purchase.  The only thing from my previous marriage of material I have left.  And they're all dirty, banged up, and worst of all, the top on the washer (which is a front load) pops off.  If you can't respect it enough to load and unload it properly onto a truck for transit halfway across the country, I can't trust you to respect it for the month you would have otherwise been allowed to use it.  But, you know, I hold grudges and am completely unfair.

  No, nein, ie.  I don't have grudges.  I have standards.  And if you can't fit in my standards, even half assed, then I feel you don't deserve anything.  At all.  It's not that I don't respect someone, even though methinks I shouldn't feel any particular inclination to respect anyone who can't even clean up after themselves or make up excuses for said people, it's just I don't care enough to make the effort to make you think you're worth something in my opinions.  Being nice isn't my thing to people who aren't decent enough to respect me, my stuff, or have any regards to how I feel about anything.  Apparently it is acceptable for my atrocious male sibling's girlfriend to leave menstrual blood all over the toilet seat and not clean it up for a few days till I raise a flag with an issue.  And then, for some reason, I am expected to make nice with this swine-like human being who is not only incapable of the common decency of cleaning up something like blood, she can't cook anything that doesn't make me throw up a little or wash the dishes she creates in her efforts of cooking something that smell inedible.  So then the kitchen is in a mess.

  But, instead of listening to my suggestion that everyone should wash their own dishes and clean up their own messes, I get treated like I'm no better.  Even though, I have almost completely confined myself and my boyfriend into our very small bedroom.  We don't even bother to cook anymore, we either don't eat, or we go out and eat off the $1 value meals at whatever fast food place.  I miss cooking.  Oh, but now there is a maid to wash said dishes made by the wretched filth of this household.  I can't help but have a disdainful attitude towards living here.  Such ilk, and disgrace.  Once I am finally able to move out of here, and when Jon does finally find a job, we can return the car we will be borrowing and never associate ourselves with the likes of them again.

  So yea, maybe it does sound a little high and mighty.  But I have standards.  This is a lack of standards and discipline.  I told Jon the day Skank Stank (my male sibling) and McNasty (his girlfriend) get their own place, it's going to smell like old garbage and the sink will be full of dirty dishes and cockroaches.  They have no concept of cleanliness.  And I do believe I have heard that cleanliness is next to godliness.  My only regret is I can't move out of this garbage pit faster.  As soon as Jon finds a job, we can upgrade from the one bedroom apartment I have my eyes on, to a two bedroom apartment, and bring Tyr back to Texas.  Even though a part of me feels Ishould let him stay in NC, at least he won't be subjected to the idiocies in the dynamic proportion that exist in this state.  But he'll be with his father.

  Niki isn't a bad guy.  He just doesn't have any motivation or drive to do anything.  I've left him twice now, and this time I have no intentions of ever going back.  He seems to want to talk to me alot more, now.  Everytime he calls so Tyr can talk to me, I talk to Tyr for 2 minutes and him for 10.  Tyr told me last night that he wanted daddy and me to be together again.  Niki told me Tyr said earlier that he wanted Niki to move to Texas so he can be with me.  Poor child, wants us to be together like a family, but I'm not willing to subject myself to that again.  I just can't.  I already have one disease eating me up inside, and another illness that has no name that obliterated the life I did have.

  I have standards.  And they are high standards. 

  When I finally get out of this house and into my own apartment, things will perk up.  We'll be able to sleep at night, because there will be no loud music till all hours of the night.  We can feel free to use the kitchen and know that the stove isn't covered in dirty pots and pans or the sink isn't full of dirty plates and bowls with unidentifyable items in them.  I know my home will not be spotless, but it will be much more clean than this place is.  Especially my kitchen.  And Iwill probably become something like a health nazi.  L.o.l.

  The a/c has gone out again, lol.  So I can't sleep.  I have to wake up for work at 6:30am... and it's already a quarter till 3.  It's too hot and uncomfortable and sticky to sleep.  The windows will  not open, so I can't let the night air in.  My head is hurting from exhaustion.  But, at least now, I feel better.  I doubt I'll get any rest, or sleep for that matter, tonight.  But I am going to attempt, once again.

So, day one completed!  Woooooootttt!  Now, just 5 more weeks and 4 days, and I should have enough money to move the fuck out of here!!  I am so sick and tired of living in this conditions.  And yea, the traffic, from Garland to Irving at freaking 7:30am is RETARDED.  It's like every idiot in this idiotic state (and yes, I mean the redundancy) is on the highway when I'm tryin to get to work.  Fuckin idiots!!!

  But yea, the call center floor is smaller than I expected, and their cubes are ridiculously smaller than I expected.  But hell, it's good pay, and it's a job, so I can't pitch a bitch about it.  at least I am employed.

So, I let Tyr go back to NC with Niki.  Sadness and Emptiness don't come close enough to explaining the way I have been feeling emotionally.  I've been sleeping alot to deal with it.  And I know it's not healthy.

  So, I've started going to websites and shopping for stuff for my future apartment.  We went to Irving yesterday, because the lady at the apartment place called me.  Apparently a little red Jeep power wheel was left at an apartment that has recently been vacated.  Tyr had seen it when we went apartment viewing.  And he went ape shit over it.  So now it's sitting in what used to be his room.  Waiting for him to come home.

  But Jon and I have decided that maybe we should get a one bedroom apartment in Irving.  Save me tons in time and gas getting to and fro work.  Also, I think him living in the city he's applying in will help him find a job.  He only has a few months to attain a job, and he will have to leave if he doesn't make the deadline.  I'm not playing this game like I did with Niki and support a man until I become too sick to walk.  I refuse to relive that nightmare.

  Anywho, to take my mind off the depression of being half way across the country from my baby, I've started shopping for this new apartment.  Just kind of looking at stuff.  Our kitchen will have a red and black theme going on.  So that makes me happy.  My first decorating challenge has been addressed.  I've decided to go with stainless steel pots and pans, or if Ican find them black, that would be great.  But the dinnerware will be these awesome asian inspired plates and bowls that are black and red that I found in Sam's Club.  I absolutely love them.  And as soon as I can afford, I am going to buy them.  They are just gorgeous!

  Black and red hand towels, probably red burner covers for the range, and dish clothes that are red and/or black.  Appliances, red or black.  ^.^  So, I'm really, really excited about it!

  Our bedroom, comforters will be that brown and blue combo.  I don't know why, but Ilove the contrast between the two.  I haven't decided on the actual furniture yet.  I don't really want the traditional brown dressers and stuff.  I went to Rooms To Go online and saw some of the stuff there.  I would like to have a black dresser and dresser mirror.  Because, anyone who knows me, knows that black is my favourite colour.  I just don't want it to be overwhelming.  But I honestly do hate the colour brown.  Like, the only reason I accept it for the bedding is just because of the contrast with the blue it has.  It's really grown on me.  Otherwise, it'd be red and black!  But I want each room to have it's own personality. 

  I would love moon and stars for the bedroom to be honest.  And the bathroom, I haven't even started thinking about that yet.  Probably blues and such.  It's just something to take my mind off of everything.  I have a lot of planning to do, and a short amount of time to do it all in.  And yes, I know it's going to take me a while to actually buy all of the stuff I want.  But, at least with this, I have a game plan to steer me in the direction I wanna go with things.

  The apartment is going to be empty except for the washer and dryer.  So, we're starting from the drawing board here.  And I am thrilled and excited to be able to have so much free reign.  We have nothing.  At all.  No pots, no pans, no plates, no bed, nothing.  Just the washer and the dryer.  At least we'll have clean clothes, lol.

So, today we went to Hawaiian Falls!  Wooo!  Been wantin to go for a while.  So today, we finally went.  Tyr had a blast, after he got over his fear of water.  His first time ever, being in a pool, being in a water park, and being around so many excited kids.

  We went to the kiddie pool first.  That was a no go, kids.  Tyr is terrified and won't go past the little grate thing.  Even holding my hand, he wasn't into it.  So I would gradually move out, farther and farther, and tell him to come and get me, Jonathan right by his side. . that method got us to his hips in water.  So I was like alright... lazy river.

  We went around that bunches of times.  But he really, really enjoyed that.  So, we went back to the kiddie pool, and he went all the way to chin deep in that water!  After that, it was just on.  He splashed around, jumped around, had a good ol time.  We went to the wave pool, put him on a float thingies and went out there in the water.  Did the lazy river thing, hit the kiddie pool a few more times, let him get in the kids play area.  This huge playground like thing with water squirting every where, a giant Tiki head that fills up with water and dumps (Tyr didn't like that, it made a roaring sound as the water came crashing down).  But over all, it was a good day.  Tyr had a blast. 

  It was expensive as fucking hell.  If we had bought our tickets there, Jon and I would be $19 each.  We bought our tickets at Kroger's... for $17 and something.  Tyr's ticket we had to buy there, and he was $15.  -_- No lie.  And this place didn't have many things, as you see, we only went to 4 things.  Everything else was towers Tyr couldn't get on, a half pipe thing, some other slides...  But we went for Tyr, and he had a blast.  His little back is red as hell, and my shoulders and back, as well as behind my knees (!!!) is burned.  But he had fun.  It's worth it.

  Will we ever go back?

  No.  When we move to Irving, we'll make the trip out to Water Works of Denton.  It's cheaper, larger, so it will  have more things to do.  I'll  have Wednesdays off work, so that is probably gonna be the day I take Tyr out there.  Let him enjoy that.  It'll be a drive to get there, so maybe it won't be cheaper in the long run, but I think Tyr may enjoy it better.

  I just wish we didn't burn so bad.  We put on sunscreen  before we left the house (this place is literally 8 minutes away from where we live).  And after about 2 or 3 hours, we reapplied, and then  burned.  Made me sad.  =(

  Anyhow, I'm hungry.

Jon had a job interview yesterday.  He thinks he did pretty good on it, and anything would help at this point.  He said there are two positions open, and 4 people being considered.  So, he has about a 50%-50% shot of getting the job.  Lots of positive daydreaming going on about him working and getting those paychecks so we can live in an apartment closer to where we work.

  After his interview, while I was driving to our first apartment interest, I asked him to call the 10 day cares I had found during my web search for local day cares.  And none of them, to my surprise, were open until at least 7:30.  I was pretty sure at least one of them would have been open.  But, minor set back, I assure you.

   We got to our first apartment choice, the one we were pretty sure we wanted, with a great price and great floor plans.  I didn't even park.  We pulled into the place and immediately turned around.  People, I don't care what skin colour, lounging around like they have nothing better to do, scare me.  If you look thuggish, I don't want to live near you, apologies, but I don't.  And again, I don't care your skin colour.

  So we went over to our second choice.  Recently renovated kitchens, and they are nice, large kitchens.  They have a minimum income requirement, which I am about $150 short of making on my own, even without Jon working.  They were hoity toity for sure, a little bit cheaper than the third place we went to.  But I didn't really care for the guy that was showing us around.  And then he started telling us about the application process.  Since Jon and I aren't married, they wanted all this money for application fees and this that and whatever else, which is fine and I understand, but still.  Then he told us they use a 3rd party company to do their approval/decline research.  They didn't really seem willing to help anyone, especially with my credit the way it is, and Jon's lack of credit.  And to be honest, despite that nice kitchen, I didn't care much for the layout of the floor plan he showed us.  It looked nice on the website, but it just seemed too frigid and boxed in to me.  Having a halfwall right in front of the door, with just enough space for you to get in, just seemed to shut the entire place up.  But it was nice, had a nice swimming pool, and all of that jazz.

  So then we went to our 3rd choice, which wasn't two far from the first two.  In fact, we were going to go somewhere else when we realised we would have passed this place on the way.  And let me tell you, I fell in love with this place.

We looked at two of their floor plans.  The two bedroom one bath and the two bedroom two bath.  And to be honest, I love both of them.  The first one, is obviously smaller.  The kitchen is an open bar, but the bar is L shapped, so it kind of feels like it's closing in the kitchen.  I can get over that, it's fine.  Tyr's room has a "window"  that opens up into the living room, where I can see into his room, even from the kitchen.  I really like it.  It has a fireplace in it, but I'm thinking we will probably put a TV and stand in front of that, to keep Tyr away from it.  The Master Bedroom is really nice, though.  It's large, both rooms have huge closets.

  The second had a very large living area.  The bedrooms are on opposing sides of the apartment, the kitch seems to be more "open" and it has two pantries(the other only had one, small pantry), one of which is a walk in.  (They both have full size washer and dryer conenctions).  The living room had some odd angles and a fireplace, but was nice and open.  Tyr's room is by the front door, sadly, however it's a very large room, very large closet, and has it's own bathroom, that's connected by a door in his room and a door just outside of his room.  Living room is huge.  I know I mentioned that, but I really liked it.  I liked the kitchen too, good amount of counter space, the two pantries is nice because I can store any cooking appliances that I have in it.  I really did like that. 

  The Master Bedroom is very large.  And it opens up into the patio/balcony.  That is why Tyr isn't getting that room.  Of course the living area also opens into the patio/balcony.  It has a huge closet, lots of places for me to hang my stuff and Jonathan's stuff.  Even has a special place to hang up shoes.  Just amazing.  A touch higher than what we were wanting, but still, just amazing.  I think it's worth the price.  The complex is also very community oriented, and gated.  I like gated.  Today was popsicle day, so Tyr got a popsicle, he was a happy camper.

  It looked like at the end of every month they did a Birthday thing, we're cup cakes are available, they also have some other thing, she said there would be like 200 people at the event.  There will be vendors and a dj, it's an annual thing, great place to meet people within the complex.  Oh, and it has three swimming pools.  Tyr is excited about that, he wants to go swimming so bad.  I almost had to restrain him from jumping into the pool when we went and looked at it.  The complex also has a hot tub.  Oh, and they're open year round.  Something tells me it never gets cold in this state -_-.

  So, yea.  I fell in love with the 3rd place.  Traffic doesn't look like it's too bad in the area this complex is in.  It's fairly close to where I am going to be working, and it's in the same ara as to where Jonathan will be working (hopefully.)  I really, really hope he gets that job!  It will just enable so many things to happen, if he does.  And we can get moved in by the end of July first of August.  They didn't have any of the second apartment available on the first floor, and I told her I have an old Army injury (which is true, they fucked up my damn knee, and they know it) so I would prefer to not live on anything other than the first floor.  So hopefully some time next month she will be able to tell us they have one of the second apartment opening up so we can move into that one.  Otherwise, we will move into the first one.

  But what I really, really liked about the place is, they were willing to work with us.  Even though the second one was a little bit out of our price range, she told us if we really wanted it, they would see what they could do to help us get it.  She said the worst thing they could ask is for us to pay the last month's rent before we move in.  Which, isn't too bad I don't think.  I know when I start working, I'll keep at least that available in the event they ask us for it.  I hope they don't, but hey, at least they are willing to work with us.

  The lady that showed us around the complex was nice and friendly, I really liked her.  She was just awesome with Tyr.  Very patient, and didn't mind him interrupting her to try to talk to me.  The guy at the second place, tried to like ignore him or something.  She also told us where a good Mexican restaraunt was.  And also suggested the YWCA for childcare for Tyr, which happens to be across the street.  Oh this place is a prime location for a lot of things.  There's a Kroger's near by.  Gotta find a wal mart, I know where the Sam's Club is.  And gas is like 10 cents cheaper there than it is here.  Which I liked!  So a lot of fun things for us to do.  Traffic isn't as bad in the area.  I  kinda compare it to Gastonia to Charlotte.  Even though Irving is a pretty large and busy place compared to Gastonia, and Dallas is like 6 Charlottes mixed into one area.  I hate Dallas.  It sucks most of the people here can go to Hell.  So I'll be happy to be in Irving.  There are idiots everywhere you go, just remember the more people that live in an area, the more idiots there are, lol.

  So I'm pretty excited.  If Jon hasn't heard anything by Friday from the place he interviewed at today, I told him to call the Monday morning and ask about it.  But, good positive happy thoughts he gets the job, and we can move on with our lives!

 

**  My Gods it's been a long time since I've blogged!  Sorry folks.  Been busy dealing with bullshit and all that stuff.  But here ya go, a blog!!  **

Semagic 1.7.3.3U - Deadly Night Shadow (dns) @ livejournal.comSlowly, I have been fitting the pieces together to brighten Tyr's future, as well as my own. Jonathan has remained vigilent in his search for employment. He has also decided that he wants to go to school for Accounting, which can promise alot of money if he lands a good job. He can crunch the numbers, I think he would do very well in that field. But first, he has to find a job. He understands that I am not willing to put him through school. But knows I will cooperate in every way possible to ensure his success.

Two weeks from Monday, I will start my job. Working 8:30am-5:00pm. I've bought enough groceries to last us till then, hopefully until I get my first pay check. But that, I doubt. We are not to eat out again, for a long time. Except for the occasional trip to Braum's for Ice Cream. I can't deny Tyr that. He enjoys it so much.

But anyway, I have found several apartments in the area of where I am to be working. All within 10 minutes away from the office. That means nothing, though. I've found a few day care hopefuls, but I guess something I am going to have to do on Monday is call them all and see who will be able to keep Tyr until at least 7:30 when I start my official work hours. I'll be working 10:30a-7:00p. Not bad hours, get off of work, go home and prepare dinner. Tyr's bed time certainly won't be 9pm anymore. Most likely I will push it back to 10p so he can enjoy his dinner and take his nightly bath. As well as get hugs n kisses and lovins (tickles, raspberries on his tummy)from mommy. ^.^ I'm expecting rent to be somewhere around $700/mo. But for a two bedroom, you can't really beat that. On the day I plan to go see the daycares, most likely a Tuesday or Wednesday, I hope to go looking at some of the apartments I have picked out so we can see what we can get. Or at least see the places we hope to get.

I've also been looking for a used car. Today we went to Kroger's after the trip to Braum's and I picked up two auto magazines and an apartment guide. I know for a fact that I really want to get a used car from a dealership. I feel more comfortable, because most major dealerships have certified used cars and such like that. These small car places scare me, I can't afford to get a lemon. I just want to be able to get from point A to point B without any issues. I also want to be able to drive to NC and maybe even Atlanta for Dragon Con, too. So it has to be a decent car with most likely a low mileage. I like to go on Roadtrips. There are so many things I wanna do, so many things I want Tyr to get to see and experience. Since we're trapped in this state of idiots, may as well find things we enjoy to do. Go to the Ren Fest, Parks, Children Activities. There's a Six Flags down here somewhere. And a few water parks. I don't think Tyr would enjoy Six Flags at his age, but it's something we could do in the future. Jonathan and I have talked about moving back to Topeka one of these days. I would love to do that. I don't like living here at all. Going home to NC would be nice, as well, but I would be happy in Kansas. It wasn't nearly as bad as it is here. Fewer people. Fewer idiots.

And they know how to drive in the rain.

So, life is moving on ever so slowly. Two more weeks and I get to work. No more having to sit around at the house all day waiting for the day to pass or think of something to do. I'll get to spend 8 and a half hours learning a new system and how to do my job. But hey, it'll pay the debts I have off. It will enable me to purchase a car. Best of all... it will enable me to GTFO of this house and into my own place. I can't wait to go furniture shopping, grocery shopping, cleaning supply shopping, oh all the shopping I will get to do! Usually women get excited about clothes shopping (but that is something I need to do, for sure. New clothes for me, Tyr, and Jon too) but I am excited about furniture shopping and grocery shopping! XD

  I am also going to look into some programs that will help me with my finances too.  I think something like Quickbooks?  Or maybe MSN money.  Is that the program I'm thinking of?  Something to help me budget my finances better.  That way I can calculate the splurge monies and trip monies and gas monies... oh I'm almost excited about that.  XD  Simple things excite me now... now that things are finally starting to look up for me.

  I'm on the verge of picking myself up from the bottom...

... taking control of my life...

... and heading back up to the top where I belong.

  I cried, when he got on the bus to go home.  Tyr told me he was mad at Jon for leaving us and that he wanted to live with Jon.  I told him it wasn't Jon's fault he had to leave, and we did everything we could to try to be able to go home with Jon.
 
  My heart's broken.  I knew I would be sad, but I didn't expect to be quite like this. 
 
 *sigh*
 
  Perhaps later in the month, I'll be by his side again.  We'll just have to wait and see.

  Tomorrow Jonathan is leaving to go back home.   He's taking a late evening nap atm.  He hasn't been sleeping well while here... and I've been...uhm... wearing him out.  In those fun, glorious ways I manage to do. 
  So I have a few minutes to myself as Tyr runs around and destroys the house, and I sit here and blog a little bit before I start cooking dinner.  I was watching some wow machinima.  those *always* cheer me up.  And I really, really miss being able to record the raids I go on.  And making the other videos.  I want to make more like Chippendale Blood Elf, cause, well damnit, it was fun.  I miss getting to raid, and I finally had gotten into a guild that could actually kill stuff in the 25 man Naxx.  All those gorgeous T7.5 epix... ZOMFG EPIX!  Lawl, not that it means anything to anyone who doesn't play.  Meant alot to me though.  I enjoyed it.  I breathed it.  I loved it.  It as something to look forward to every day.
 
  And even if I resumed playing right now, which I could do.  And play on this pc.  I wouldn't be able to make my little videos because 1. This pc lags like a bitch everywhere so I doubt I could raid.  and 2. I could only raid one night a week, and by the night I could raid (weds) everything would be cleared.  So... it would be pointless for me to resume playing until I get a really good pc.  And to do that... I would have to find a job.  Which, if my freaking mom would let me, I could have if I went to Kansas.  I swear I could start working like... Friday.  But nooooo.
 
  The sooner Jonathan finds a job, the easier it will be for me to convince my parents to let me move up there.  >.<  It's just so damn irritating.  I think I'm old enough to take control of my life, and I honestly think that right now, while I'm not tethered to this hellhole of a household, would be an excellent time for me to move up to Kansas and get established there.  I'm sure when Jon leaves tomorrow, I'm going to be bitched out because... yea.  Being so damn insistent on moving up there.
 
  But no, I have to live here.  And. I. Hate. It. Here.  At least we can eat, though.  And I'm not worried about running out of food, or about the power/water being shut off.  Being with Jon has done amazing wonders for my psyche.  I feel better about myself and am a little more confident.  And we have gone out and done stuff together.  Today we ate at a Mexican Buffet.  I have never in my life eaten at one of those.  So that was great, and the food was really good.  Tyr got sick, but not because of the food.  He wasn't feeling well to begin with, and an oversight of mine.  I thought he was faking it.  He seemed fine till we got there, and he started complaining before he even ate anything.  While we were there (the place is in Plano) I was thinking about going to the mall.  It was like 2 miles away.  But then Tyr threw up, so I had my answer.  Off to get Jon's bus ticket and home we came.
  Tyr perked up after vomiting.  So... yea.  I woke  up feeling kinda ehh... but the shower made me feel better... lol.  I should take a bath to ease some of my aching muscles... >.>  ^.^  <.<
Ah me... time to start dinner.  I miss WoW... if I can just find a job and chonk out most of this debt, I think I will feel better.  And then I can just buy my stupid pc and be happy raiding and stuffs.  Here's hoping for a dayshift job!
  And Jon was talking about server xferring (keep in mind how many enemies I've managed to make leaving Niki.  If he ever starts playing again, it's not going to be a pretty thing if we bump into each other.)
 
  WTF PWNED!
 
  Ah well.  We'll see. 
 
  Nighties folks, I'll try to blog again about something a little more substantial then the fact a month later, I am going through WoW withdrawal.

Has probably been one of the best weeks of my life. I managed to convince my mom to let Jon stay with us for the week. And he's leaving on Monday... he's been here since... last Thursday.

Tyr adores him.

I love him to death, seriously.

He's made life toleratable for me again. And just washed away all of the lonliness and sadness that I've had to deal with for the past couple of weeks. It's been a really, really pleasant week. Someone to sleep beside me and hold me in their arms. Kisses me a bajillion times, lol. Affection! ZOMFG! So something I never got from Niki, like ever.

And he comes with an offer for me to go back to KS with him. And my mom told me if I go... I have to leave the car here. AS if the car means anything to me, lol. For once I get to be someone elses driving burden. (Like Niki was for me for so long, since he couldn't drive). And there is a job I could get if I went up there with him. Even though it's doing something similar to what I did when I first started working. (Go go Subway!) But, I dont know.

I know I'm not happy here. And whereas everything has been wonderful this week, there is no gaurantee it will stay that way. Though I honestly doubt things will go sour between Jon and I. It's... odd how well we get along. Seriously like we complete each other. (and I would never have said such a thing about Niki).

But again, I don't know. Lots of things to do and think about. Plus I have to take into consideration of Tyr. Tyr will miss Midas (the dog). But I wonder if that is such a bad thing? He pulls the dog's tail after repeatedly being told not to, he hits Midas, kicks him, and a bunch of other things I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw them. And even Mommy Kung Fu didn't stop him from continueing to do so. And then he feeds Midas his food, which he isn't supposed to do. So, assessing that situation, I almost wanna say it would be better if Tyr wasn't around Midas, lol. Too much mischief.

I don't know. Still thinking about it. But there, Chris-Style. I wrote a blog, just for you, lawl.

Ok, well... I'm done with it.
I'm not cooking these bitches dinner anymore. If I cook something, it will be for Tyr and me only.
I'm not washing any dishes that I don't make myself. So, if they make dishes, they better not expect me to clean up after them. They can put it in the dishwasher. And if the dishwasher is full, sucks to be them. They can either run it and if it's already been ran, they can put shit back. I'm not cleaning up after them/for them anymore.
You want to treat me like this, I'm not gonna stand for it. Sharie asked me to clean Drew's bathroom for him yesterday. He was home all day. I asked why he couldn't do it. So a good 3 hour chunk of my day that I could have been doing something I wanted to do was spent scrubbing with a tooth brush between the cracks in that shower stall because the fucking mold had been given a chance to grow, and there is a dark mold in there and there was a pinkish mold in there.
I cleaned that nasty toilet that had piss on the outside of the bowl and shit stuck to the inner ring of the bowl. I scrubbed that mess. I cleaned off the counter in there and the sink that looked like it hadn't been cleaned since they moved in there. I even cleaned the mirror in there, and the frame because it was just so disgusting. Toothpaste spattered all over it. And it's not from me brushing my teeth. I brush my teeth in the shower. SO no one can say "well, Amanda, you contributed to the mess." The fuck I did, asshole.

So I'm done with it. I'll wash these dishes from last night, because I made that pot roast, that was good. And my mom had to tell my brother to thank me for making dinner. Which you know, is total bullshit. He should know he should thank me. And he never said ANYTHING to me for cleaning out that god forsaken bathroom.

I swear to fucking God I am going to go nuts here.

Oh, and then about that $800/mo in rent she wants. I was thinking the other night, before being interrupted by Drew fucking his girlfriend who felt the need to be vocal just before I told her to shut the fuck up and eat a pillow, but I Was thinking about my finances. Ok, so I pay mom the $200 she wants out of my paycheck every week that I work. That leaves me $200 every week to play with. Ok. $150 a week or more for daycare. That's maybe $50 a week for me. Guess where that is going to go? To Gas! So how am I exactly supposed to pay off the debts I owe, and Sharie knows I want to pay off my debts. Now I am expecting my paychecks to be around $400, assuming the type of work I get. SO I asked Sharie about this. I'm not gonna have any money to myself.

"Tough luck. Starting over isn't easy. You're not going to have anything for a while."

Oh? Then I'm NOT going to wash your dishes for you. I am NOT going to pick up someone elses slack. Drew works part time at a CVS. Are you telling me he's paying you $800 a month in rent? On top of that making the $400 car payment for the car he has? Working PART TIME AT A CVS. And still has money to go see friends in the local cities, and buy alcohol, and whatever else he buys? I think not.

Fuck them both.

And when my birthday comes. They can go fuck themselves. I'm driving to Topeka, with Tyr, and spend it with my boyfriend.

And ya know what? I don't even want to make friends down here. I don't give a fuck. I'ma get my own damn pc that doesn't suck ass, I'm going to get WoW back and I'm going to play WoW. And I'm going to spend my days not working and evenings after work on my pc playing WoW. I'm going to take Tyr to parks and let him play. We're going to go hang out at Wal Mart and walk around so he can get his energy out. And we're going to come home, he can play in the room while I play WoW. I'm not doing this bullshit, Amanda don't forget to clean the house, the fuck ever crap anymore.

"Do you want to landscape the yard?"

No.

"Would you cook dinner?"

No.

"Think you want to replace the shower stall windows."

Fuck. No.

And I'm not paying that bullshit $800 a month. I refuse to believe that my 3rd of all the bills is that much. And I'm not picking up anybody's fucking slack. They bought this house because they wanted this house. I'm just here because she offered to let me live here and it would get me away from Niki. I took her up on her offer, and this is what I get in return?

Fuck. That. Game.

Happy Valentine's Day, bitches.

Schism.

My health has significantly improved since I’ve been here. It’s been nice. I can walk again. Most of the atrophy is gone… the only thing left is the ache in my back. And in all honesty, I believe that is from sleeping on the mattress on the floor. So hopefully soon that will be fixed.

Slowly the shattered pieces of my life start to fall back into their place of the glass pane that is my life. My health has almost completely returned. I have regained control over Tyr. I’ve introduced a little bit of activity every day into my life. I’m feeling so much better. We’re eating good healthy food. Tyr is growing and he’s just so intelligent, he drives me crazy! XD He remembers so much, and he picks up on new activities very quickly.

I am pleased with the way things have started to go since I have been here. My health has returned very quickly. I guess Niki was really the thing making me sick, or maybe there was something in that apartment that made me sick. I am leaning more towards the stress of being with him. But hey hey! I’m away! And I have a job prospect already!

We have been here for what… almost two weeks? I have a pre-employment assessment next week. I am excited. It’s for a call center position, yea I know. But hell it’s a job, it’s something I’ve been doing quite literally for years. May as well just go with it and hope this place is better than the other places. The sooner I find a job, the sooner the rest of the pieces of my life will fall into place. Getting my finances straight again, being one of those things. So I am very excited about that. Of course, it would put a cramp on some other things, like transportation. But we have a plan for that.

Somehow, magically… I will get to Iowa and drive my dad’s monte carlo down from Iowa to Texas. So, mom will get to drive the Monte Carlo and I will be driving her car. Yay!! Her car isn’t too bad it’s just smaller than what I am used to. I’m used to the beast… that 94 oldsmobile. Here I’ll be riding in style in a… 2000 something Hyundai. Woot! And it’s white. >.> Ah well…

So I am excited about how things are finally starting to move in the right direction. Makes me one happy Amanda, that is for sure. Especially after only being here for almost 2 weeks, right? I mean damn!

Perhaps my next blog will have to compare to being here and being with Niki... *sigh* Dunno. I heard Niki is living with his grandmother, which is a very good thing. She is making him get his teeth fixed and then taking him out every day to find a job. I think that is awesome. Since he wouldn't listen to me. She has the tools to get through his thick skull. I gave up on him.

*sigh*

But hey! I can walk again!

............

  Ok, so I totally
failed Tyr this year in the birthday dept. 
With no job, being new to the area, and overall, not knowing anyone
other than my mom and brother, his birthday was almost a complete bust.  And I didn't order him a birthday cake.  I had meant to ask if someone could take me
to wal mart so I could get it order in time for his birthday... and it just
didn't happen.  So I had told him on
Friday (his birthday) that I dropped the ball on his birthday cake.  And he told me dropping balls on birthday
cakes was bad.  Lol. 

.. ......

  I did ask him what
he wanted to eat for his birthday dinner. 
And he naturally told me, Mexican Food. 
I got excited, since we’re in fucking Texas, which has a HUGE Hispanic
population, I thought there would be some awesome Mexican restaurants around
here.  And my fucking Gods, was I
wrong.  My mom took us to the restaurant
that she thought was the best in the area… and it was just pitiful.  I thought it was a touch overpriced
considering the blatancy (oh yes it was bland) of the food.  And they didn’t have tamales.  I guess all the people that jump the fence
cheer they made it, and run straight to North Carolina and cook good Mexican
food.  The ones who don’t know how to
make Tamales stay here.  I was a sad
Manda. 

.. ......

  Tyr LOVES Mexican
food, and as I had told him before, eat all your food and you’ll get your
presents.  He didn’t even eat all of his
soft taco, all the beans and barely touched the rice.  And the child really didn’t eat much all day, because he was
looking forward to eating his Mexican food. 
I was really sad.  I ate all the
taco salad (that was a whopping $8 
>.>)  but the guacamole
even tasted bland.  I was seriously
disappointed.

.. ......

  My mom ordered a
Margarita though… and I swear it had twice the amount of tequila in it that
what I called for.  I had a sip of it
and was like wow.  I was sad I had to
drive home, I wanted to drink.  Gods
know I want some alcohol.  I’m finally
away from Niki, but now I would have to worry about my brother and his friends
drinking my alcohol.  I just can’t win
for losing.  But it’s alright, I still
need to find a job.  And my boyfriend is
kind of.. leery about drinking.  But
he’s young, and underage.  Maybe he’ll
open up to it once he’s hit 21 (next year, hehehehehhehe I got a younger one
this time ^.^).  Who knows.  That bridge will be crossed in time, I know
it.  But I look forward to getting a job
and going to the ABC store and get totally smashed.  It’s gonna happen, damnit! 
But I don’t want Tyr to see me drunk, so I guess I’ma have to go
elsewhere and get smashed.

.. ......

  So yea, Tyr’s
birthday dinner wasn’t the greatest. 
But he got some new toys, and he loves them.  He got a new big tractor that he plays with outside.  And some toy cars and other things.  He got some bubbles for outside… and then
spilled them.

.. ......

  He knows he
is now 4… if you ask him how old he is, he says 4.  But he doesn’t believe his birthday has come because he hasn’t
gotten his birthday cake yet, lol.  He’s
so sweet.  I’ll get his cake on Weds and
he will get to eat it and be happy because I got him another Cars birthday
cake.  ^.^

Omfg I fucking love cooking!

Ok, probably not the best title for a blog, but whatever. I need some motivation. I'm starting to slip into that depression that is triggered by boredom. >.> Seriously.

So, a week today. Yay. Already my sinuses are so stopped up and my throat is starting to get really, really sore, from the cigarette smoke. Oh yes, I am allergic to cigarette smoke. But my mother doesn't seem to care? Blah, I guess Tyr and I will just have to deal with it until we can move. But there is nothing better than blowing your nose and seeing a tissue full of blood and mucus. Good times! At least Tyr's nose isn't bleeding... yet.

So I am still in high anticipation of the places I've put in applications at. There is one I would particularly love to have, but it is a bit of a commute, and my mom is being really, really negative about it. *sigh* It's a job, and if they hire me, why does it matter? It's not like it's in OK or something like that. And I know I may be driving for 3 hours every day. But damnit, it's a job that pays pretty well. So, let me work. The longer it takes me to get there and back, the less time she has to put up with Tyr and I, right? lol.

Ay yi yi. Apparently my WoW guildies have started harassing my boyfriend, lol. He's in the guild with my toons. He has my account info, so sometimes he gets to raid on my priest and my mage. That makes me pretty happy, cause they get a chance to get some gear even though I'm not there to actually play them. He's loving playing my mage. Apparently it's made him want to level a mage. I told him good luck with that, lol.

I do miss the game. A lot. I miss raiding and that stuff. I just don't think there is a computer in this house that could support that game, honestly. But, I think when I do finally find a job, I'm going to have one of Jon's friends build me a pc. Apparently he custom built his. So if he's willing to build mine (obviously I'll be buying the parts) then away I will get to be. And I can be on a computer that doesn’t take ten years to load a page. Woo!

Yesterday we went out to Pet Co to get my mom’s dog more treats or something. We stopped by Walgreens so she could get the sale paper. And finally we went to this place called Braum’s. And it is probably the neatest store I have ever seen. It has like a fast food section, then an ice cream parlor section, and a mini grocery store section. So mom got Tyr and I and herself ice cream cones. I got mint chocolate chip single scoop, and Tyr got chocolate single scoop, and mom got… two scoops of different ice creams. Don’t know what they were. But Tyr got most of his ice cream in his mouth… and then some on his mouth, his shirt, and even his pants. He was pretty good, though. Then we went to mcdonald’s and got some dinner. And yes, he ate almost all of his dinner.

Anyhow, so there is today. Oh so early in the morning. Made Tyr waffles for breakfast because he asked me oh so nicely for waffles. And mom has a waffle iron so yea. Waffles for breakfast! And he got upset with me about something and threw his fork onto the floor. So I took the fork and put it in the sink. And gave him my fork. Well, he took that fork and stabbed it into the wall. So I popped his little butt and put him back in the chair and told him to eat with his fingers. Well, he picked up his plate and threw the rest of the waffle on the floor. So I picked up the waffle, put it in the trash and made him go lie down in bed for a little while longer. Ungh, what a morning it has been.

Anyhow, new hopefuls for jobs!