I feel like I'm living through the movie Children of Men.

I'm surround by all this great, state-of-the-art technology, but it's all old... falling apart.

My laptop (or the refurbished one I got from my brother after my other one nuked itself) is falling apart slowly. 

My car, oh my poor car... is it even worth stating what's wrong with it this week?  I'll just say I need a new(ish) car.

I just closed a show (The Winter's Tale) in DC this past weekend that wasn't quite up to par with the usual theatrical experiences I enjoy.  Maybe it was the fact that I had a less than challenging acting track, or that I was commuting 45 miles in one direction (about 90 miles total daily) everyday for 10 weeks, or that I was sick for more than half the process and didn't have time to go to a doctor for some antibiotics until yesterday (the day after closing) so I could actually be well and not be coughing up yellow industrial caulk out of my lungs while my throat passage way felt swollen to the size of a pea. 

Now I have time to focus on other tasks.

I go back to focus on teaching... and trying to figure out how to get a job that will actually pay the bills along side teaching one acting class twice a week.

I try to figure out where to live in between Baltimore and DC while gearing up for my next show... in DC this summer.

I ponder the fact that I now have amassed 53 weeks of work in equity theatres and fret whether or not a theatre will make me a contract offer for the coming year.

I consider quitting acting for a year (maybe longer) in considerations of other careers (maybe...). 

I plan the last of my doctor and eye doctor visits before cancelling my health insurance, which I can't afford.

I think about getting a new(ish) car... when I have no money.

I dream of hope for solutions to these and other problems weighing heavy on my mind...

"The market is not functioning properly."

These are the words I just heard George W. Bush speak on CNN in justifying why he feels he should set aside his traditional capitalist tendenices, in favor of a more... (How should I say this?)... more SOCIALIST designs.

Now, for those of you reading who may not be aware, "socialism" is a dirty word (a VERY dirty word) in the United States.  Even trying not to use the word in the pejorative sense usually gets you branded as a COMMUNIST, or financial rapist.  And with George W. Bush being a die-hard capitalist, it's almost surprising to see him supporting a pseudo-socialist tactic to "save" a major portion of the American economy.

It's ALMOST surprising, but not not truly surprising, because he's not really giving into the supposed evils of socialism.

No, in truth, it's not really a socialist construct he's trying to force America to use to save the huge investment firms that are tanking.  It's something I've heard best described as "CORPORATE SOCIALISM."  For, you see, the Bush administration has no desire to help any INDIVIDUALS or FAMILIES that have fallen under the current economic bus.  However, since the economy is not "working properly," the companies deserve resucing.

Why?

Well, if you accept the president's explanation, the economy stopped "working properly" when all the evil, and lazy individuals out there in the United States took out loans they couldn't afford to pay back, and when interest rates went up, those individuals ALL screwed over the big, noble corporate investment firms.

There was very little mentioned about these investment firms and banks allowing themselves to let out loans they KNEW most people couldn't pay back in a crisis.  There was NO mention of the remarkably ridiculous practice of "short selling" and how that form of financial speculation has been devouring the foundation of many large corporations for the last few years. (If you don't know what "short selling" is, look it up.  I only vaguely understand it, but it's a real eye opener on how greed can breed some diabolical forms of financial creativity.)  There was, in fact, almost NO blame levied onto the companies that helped in creating financial opportunities and tactics that would devour our economy's foundation from within like so many rampant, greedy termites. 

According to the president, "the economy is not functioning properly" only because of greedy and stupid poor people that didn't know any better.  True.  I agree they were a huge part of this, but I believe the companies that employed these self-destructive economic policies are even more culpable.  AND, the most culpable people of all are those who put the Bush administration in power in the first place. 

This is why we have this so-called "corporate socialism" in place now bleeding the American taxpayer in order to save corporations, investment firms, and their bosses.  Yes, if these companies fall farther than they already have, then the US economy is heading for doom, BUT the individuals and families in this nation who are struggling also deserve a "bail out."  However, Bush doesn't deem that a necessity in his economic crisis plan. 

No.

Those people fucked themselves, and the companies from whom they borrowed money. 

That's why we cannot call the "Bush Economic Bail Out Plan" a bit of "corporate socialism," or even just "socialism."  Employing any elements of true socialism into this plan would just be far too fair to too many people, and too hard to stomach for all the rich bosses and their friends in DC.  That's why we have to call all this exactly what it is... "THE GOOD OL' BOYS CLUB."  It's like a bunch of late 19th Century robber barons coming together to rip off the country as a whole to save anyone within their small club. 

Remember, this is all because "the market is not functioning properly" NOW.  If all the individuals and families got ripped off, and none of these companies fell, then the market would be functioning properly according to Bush and his cronies.  That's what is supposed to happen. 

Companies rip stupid people off and get rich.

Stupid people fall under the bus and die. 

That's the market functioning properly in Bush's USA. 

The only problem arises when too many corpses are on the road stopping up traffic and breaking the axles of the rich. 

I'm tired.

I've been commuting back and forth between Timonium and Washington DC a lot lately because of my job teaching at Towson University, and my other job working as an actor playing Douglas and Gadshill in Henry IV Part I at Folger Shakespeare Theatre. 

I feel good because I have three acting jobs lined up.

1) The gig at The Folger I just mentioned that goes up October 8th and runs until Novemeber 16th, or so...

2) I'm a member of the Ensemble for The Winter's Tale at The Folger, and that production rehearses from late December until late January, and then runs from January 28th until March 12th. 

3) I'll be playing Medvedenko in The Seagull on 16th Street at Theatre J in Washington DC during the 2009 Summer from June until July.

I feel good that I'll finally be eligible for the Actor's Equity Union after the second gig at The Folger, and that I've got these gigs lined up, and possibly more coming this year, but I'm tired with all this commuting.  I'm a bit tired of not having money, or a job that gives me enough money to even support the things I need to do on a daily basis (i.e. driving, maintaining my car, paying the bulk of my bills). 

I think the world has kind of decided that my place, for now, is going to end up being Washington DC.  We'll see where things go from here.

I often check out the Craigs List "missed connections" section.  It's some of the most entertaining slice of life reading one can get anywhere.  I really enjoy seeing what people think is a "connection" they made.  You've got the patently absurd connection when one person will write "I saw you passing me on the highway and we caught eyes.  Was I the only one who felt something?"  You've got the missed opportunity writers who put up such posts as, "We talked at the bar and I never got your name and number."  You've got people who are lonely, longing to tell someone else they love them, but can't, others that are just shooting in the dark to co-workers, teachers, or friends in the hopes they can stay anonymous and hit a bullseye of love.

Then you have the cream of the crop... at least in terms of entertainment.

The most recent post I saw was absurd, endearing, and a sign of a head-on collision, Amy Winehouse type affair.  I trust all of you, dear readers, will agree with me after reading this:

sky at the annex - w4m (baltimore)

your name is tattooed on my body. you bought me a 40 but yours broke then we danced. my friend choked you. hopefully we can get over that little bump in the road.
wish i would have got your number, get drunk , dance, and listen to amazing music again?

Oh, where do I begin with the questions?  Why is his name tattooed on her body?  What kind of a "club" sells 40s?  Was it a club or were they just dancing in the middle of the street?  Why did her friend choke him?  Who considers a choking a "bump in the road?"

Ah sweet mystery of life!