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~FROM THE SILENCE TO THE WORD TO THE SILENCE~

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Welcome! Thank you for your interest in my musings and in the progress of HANNAH'S GIFT (The Film). For those who are not familiar with Myspace, you can read previous blog posts by clicking on "older" in the BLOG ARCHIVE section on the left side of the page. I also moderate a group called FRIENDS OF HANNAH'S GIFT, which gives readers an opportunity to meet and talk about the book and see photographs of Hannah. If you're interested in joining, click on the link above and request an invitation.
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Maria Housden

Maria Housden


Last Updated: 10/7/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 47
Sign: Leo

City: By The Sea
State: New Jersey
Country: US
Signup Date: 9/13/2006

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Blog Archive
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October 28, 2009 - Wednesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry

The clear bead at the center
changes everything.
There are no edges
to my loving now.

You've heard it said
that there's a window that opens
From one mind to another.

But if there's no wall,
there's no need
For fitting the window,
or the latch.

~Rumi~
5:31 PM 
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October 28, 2009 - Wednesday 

Category: Life
Dead, Not Forgotten

If Facebook had been around when Hannah died, I would have found this very comforting. It is wonderful to be reminded that others remember our loved ones, and grief's grip loosens when we speak openly of the dead. ♥
1:23 PM 
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October 22, 2009 - Thursday 

Category: MySpace
Myspace is a sinking ship, at least in terms of social networking.   In my opinion, they lost the race, because they allowed, even encouraged, fake profiles on the site. Once 'real people' realized this, they migrated.
10:53 PM 
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October 7, 2009 - Wednesday 

Category: Life
A well-written response to my interview with Dr. Phil by Kathleen Kaufman, a Los Angeles inner-city English teacher. My response follows hers. ♥

Kathleen Kaufman’s Blog
September 29th, 2009
Fighting The Urge to Smash Our Legos

I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. Phil. I feel like he’s lost something since we first saw him on Oprah so many years ago. His version of keeping it real seems watered down now. Although maybe that’s less about Dr. Phil and more symptomatic of everyone trying to ‘keep it real’ and thus I’ve become desensitized in the face of so much in-my-face reality. Keeping it real seems to be a catch phrase for ‘Hold on, I have no tact, and I’m about to be an asshole.’ It doesn’t have to be that way, I appreciate honesty, pretty sure most of us do, but ‘brutal-keeping-it-real-honesty’ is a bit like when I was a kid and my brother used to take my own hand, smack me in the face with it and then start chanting ‘Stop hitting yourself!’ Technically he was right, it was my hand – but it also hurt like hell and was nothing I would have done of my own volition.
I get suspicious of people who practice brutal honesty. Usually, not always, they tend to be much more comfortable dishing it out than hearing it, even in small doses. In any case, Dr. Phil had a woman named Maria Housden on his show this week. Housden wrote a book called ‘Hannah’s Gift – Lessons From A Life Fully Lived’. I fully admit I have not read it, so I can’t speak to the quality or content. But Housden wasn’t on the show to promote her book so to speak. She was defending the creation of it. Evidently, Housden gave up custody of her children in her divorce to her ex and took off to travel and write. She did what many men do in the case of divorce, she became a part-time mom, traveling back and forth, spending weekends and Christmas Break, but the full time – in the trenches parenting was left to her ex-husband. As a parent, I can’t imagine anyone willingly relinquishing custody of a child. But I’m also not sure she should be getting the ‘keeping it real’ smack down by Dr. Phil either. After all, if he devoted show time to questioning fathers as to why they were able to walk away from kids in a divorce, that’s all he’d ever have time to do. It’s considered normal to men to be weekend dads, summer break dads, or in a lot of cases, disappear almost completely.
The part about this show that really irked me was that Housden kept defending her decision because she said she had to express herself and be a writer and follow her dream. This is where I think the smack down should have been inserted. The idea that you need to be completely abandon personal responsibility in order to be creative is a flaming pile of bullshit. Lots of writers, artists, singers, musicians, and actors have somehow found a way to balance creativity with wiping up mac and cheese off the floor.
I think Housden’s real motivation was the urge to chuck it all, destroy her Lego castle. There’s a great monologue in Donald Margulies’ brilliant play ‘Dinner With Friends’ where he explores this urge we all have to destroy all the happiness we’ve built up in our lives. Margulies compares this to kids building Lego castles and then delighting in smashing them to the ground. We can’t handle the uncertainty and impermanence of life so we smash our castle to the ground before it can start to crumble. We break up with our lives before they can dump us.
The problem of course is that this theory only works in our heads and when given practical application, doesn’t solve anything. Dumping someone just because you’re pretty sure they might dump you doesn’t mean you were any happier then or now. It just means you were too chickenshit to take the chance. Easy for me to say, I suppose – I have a pretty good Lego castle going. Maybe in a few years I’ll get twitchy and start picking at the edges, tearing down the towers and remodeling the drawbridge. But right now I’m so overprotective that if anyone comes within twenty feet, I start hucking boiling oil at them.
Maybe I’m the one who needs Dr. Phil……Kathleen Kaufman, a Los Angeles inner city English teacher.


MY RESPONSE:

I understand why Kathleen would feel as she does if that's the story she heard.  If I 'left' my children to travel and write a book, I might agree with her.  In our case, though, Claude and I took a long time to come to the painful decision that we had to divorce, and one of us had to move out.  I agreed to be that parent, because it felt like the best, right decision for our family.  I've made my living as a writer since our divorce, and I feel fortunate to have achieved that dream.  When it comes to custody, I believe there is a double standard.  As Dr. Phil said, "Would we be having this conversation if your name was Mark instead of Maria?"  My response: I think not. ♥
4:56 PM 
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October 6, 2009 - Tuesday 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
There is little time to think behind-the-scenes. Make-up people, hair stylists, production assistants, and others who look important vie for your attention. As your image in the mirror becomes a television-reality version of yourself, you suddenly realize, "Holy cr*p! I'm gonna be on the Dr. Phil Show!!".

Your mind races as a busy person with a headset opens the door to your dressing room. She gives you the once-over, while someone else rolls you with a lint-brush, then it's showtime, better known as "try not to freak out while you wait backstage".

Most guests of the show know little about what to expect, and I was no exception. But the topic I was there to discuss, based on my experience as a non-custodial mother, was more important to me than my fears.

While I sat behind the audience, waiting for Dr. Phil to introduce me, I watched the monitor, breathed deeply, and prayed. Then a video clip of my story was shown to the live and television audience, and I was led to the chair next to Dr. Phil.

As the two of us shook hands, my idea of him vanished and was replaced by the real person. He seemed genuinely interested, formal but accessible, and I will always be grateful to him for engaging in the conversation. ♥
3:31 PM 
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October 1, 2009 - Thursday 

Category: Life
Love is reckless; not reason.
Reason seeks a profit.
Love comes on strong, consuming herself, unabashed.

Yet, in the midst of suffering,
Love proceeds like a millstone,
hard surfaced and straightforward.

Having died to self-interest,
she risks everything and asks for nothing.
Love gambles away every gift God bestows.

Without cause God gave us Being;
without cause, give it back again.
Gambling yourself away is beyond any religion.

Religion seeks grace and favor,
but those who gamble these away are God's favorites,
for they neither put God to the test
nor knock at the door of gain and loss.

   — Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi (1207-1273) ♥
4:24 PM 
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September 25, 2009 - Friday 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
4:10 AM 
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September 24, 2009 - Thursday 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
9:27 PM 
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September 24, 2009 - Thursday 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
With thanks to the Dr. Phil Show for providing a much-needed conversation. ♥

Link to the segment on Dr. Phil.com.

Read or join the discussion.
4:31 PM 
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September 2, 2009 - Wednesday 

Category: Life
the stillness.
the rising light.
the wind in the trees.

uninterrupted thoughts reveal new inspiration
as the clenched fists of buds imperceptibly open. ♥

5:38 PM 
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