....or writing it...I have amazing people in my life. You all make this ol girl very happy.....you all know who u are.

sometimes we put ourselves in fucked up situations...for the simple fact that the majority of us, i dont care how "tough" you THINK you are...are terrified of being alone. being lonely sucks...but i'd rather be alone and miserable every now and then...and be able to be ME all the time..than to be with someone that makes me miserable ALL THE FUCKEN TIME and doesnt accept me for who i am, just for the company.

ive said this before.....and its never been more true...i lost a lot of myself and who i was these past 4 years....and now that its finally really over,,well a part of me cant help but miss him. he's all i knew for four years. but the other part of me is well aware that although there are times where i miss having someone around just to shoot the shit with...i am much better off...no more fighting, no more lying, no more hurting anyones feelings, no more walking on egg shells. and so ends another chapter in the story-book of my life...i cant fucken wait to start the new one!!!!
life is too short to be miserable with a "significant other". i hope phoenix is everything you want it to be joshua. we had a good run......hope you have a great life!!


this ramble brought to you by.....none of yo fucken business...just know i couldnt sleep....lol....the rev loves you all.....some of you more than others.

I am troubled immeasurably
By your eyes
I am struck
By the feather
Of your soft reply
The sound of glass
Speaks quick
Disdain
And conceals
What your eyes fight
To explain

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER! "


and if i offend any of my christian friends, im sorry.......

true happiness
true love
true romance.................
...............not trying to sound like a total skeptic, but i wonder if any of this exists. seems someone has always gotta be shitting on your parade. trying to tell you what to do, trying to ruin your day when you should be on cloud nine...trying to tell you they love you and then acting like you dont exist. keep you in the background like a piece of furniture..
i wonder if we're all just lying to ourselves. totally deluded by countless romance novels and sappy chick flics where everything ends happily ever after.
AM i a skeptical fuck? have i turned into a cynical bitch? i think im just a realist. now if you'll excuse me....i must go tend to some errands, but i shall be back. shame on me for starting this when i knew i wouldnt have enough time to finish it.
and now im back, and my train of thought has totally derailed and i have no fucken idea where i was going with this. im sure it had to do with the fact that i was having a wonderful evening with my ladies, and somehow everyone in my immediate "life" had a fit and totally pissed me off. shat all over my fucken parade.

oh well..........PHACK it.
remember kids, not everything you see on tv, movies, read in books or hear in songs is true.

are you fucken kidding me? this is coming from the bitch who's man i TOOK, TWICE. and who im SURE if i tried, i could take again, and again and again. thats why the bitch keeps sweatin me. two years later, and shes still cryin about shit. still talking shit, still trying to taint my name. well let me tell you something HONEY, ive got a man, a real man. one that doesnt beat on me the minute he gets drunk and called out on his shit. so dont worry your pretty little head about "your man". you see, the truth here is simply that I WAS TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOUR "MAN" TO HANDLE, SO HE SETTLED FOR YOUR ASS.

today marks the fifth year of the day my lil family (well what is left of it) was blessed with two very beautiful, wonderful and unique souls. today, the two very important very special lil men in my life will be tuning 5. GOD DAMN 5 years old already. it feels like only yesterday i was visiting them in the hospital while they were in the incubators. (the were premature) and now, if fills my eyes with tears of joy and my heart with an over whelming sense of happiness that god, or SOMEONE blessed us with these two little people. sure, ive turned into the biggest puss, ive turned into a total softy....and i worry about things that ive never worried before, but its ok. for them, i dont mind changing the person i am. for them, i would do anything. for them, i am truely thankful because if it wasnt for them, i probably wouldnt be here right now.
happy birthday to my little twinkies. your tia (nina) loves you more than she ever thought she could possibly love another human being.