So Ravenblah won the mayoral election.

So DeSantis came in second.

So I finished behind both the Libertarian AND the Socialist candidates.

So the grand total of write-in votes was 249, and 7 of them were probably mine (I know a guy at the polls).

Am I defeated?

NO!

I've merely deferred my inevitable landslide victory.

Think about it... DeSantis's 35% is already the best showing against an incumbent Democratic mayoral candidate since the stone age, which means Lukey-boy is ripe for the ass-kicking.

Give him two more years of rope to hang himself with (and a fresh set of golf clubs to beat down his weathered political corpse) and even Jim Roddey could waltz in there and carpe the diem. (And I'm surely more appealing than Roddey, who must be knee-deep in Depends by now...)

Besides, who else is left to take on The System in 2009? Bill Peduto quit politics forever, Mike Lamb can't campaign coherently with his tongue stuck in The System's colon, and we've just seen that Republicans are akin to festering, leprous Jehova's Witnesses in this city.

Looks like 2009 is primed for a full-blown Mathislide...

Time to start recruiting cheerleaders en masse for the early lead... And maybe next time I'll buy an ad in the Pennysaver or something...

(Oh, and to everyone who voted for me -- thanks so much, from the bottom of my heart and the back of my empty wallet.)

My campaign manager, Tabitha (she refuses to let me print her last name) and I spent the weekend filming some PSAs that really cut to the core of Pittsburgh's political problems. Here they are, warts and all -- because I know you want change, and you want it now.

Or on November 6th -- whichever comes first.

YOU can help Rich on his Mathis4Mayor campaign wiki!

OR, buy his shabby t-shirt! OR, become a cheerleader!

Subscribe to Something to Be Desired:

Last night, "official" mayoral candidates Luke Ravenstahl and Mark DeSantis squared off in the city's first mayoral debate -- which was, in my unbridled opinion, a strictly fraudulent waste of the taxpayers' time. Why?

Because Rich Mathis WASN'T INVITED!

What kind of ignorant classist inside baseball one hand washes the other backstabbage does a guy have to do to get a podium around here?

Did you even WATCH the debate? (I didn't; I had a free massage card that I had to use by Sunday at midnight.) If you did, message me with Ravenpuke and DeIDon'tHaveAChanceBecauseI'mARepublican's talking points, and let me know if there's anything worth stealing.

Jesus, do I ever need cheerleaders...

Do you want to see change in Pittsburgh?

Are you passionate about politics?

Are you over 18? (My people said I had to ask.)

If you are -- AND you're female* -- I WANT YOU to send me photos of yourself! (Preferably dressed as a cheerleader, or something with an equally minimal thread count; but, in photos as in politics, all desires are negotiable.)

Five (5) lucky ladies will be chosen to be my Mathisettes! (Possibly more than five, as I might need understudies.)

Please send all questions, correspondence and revealing photographs to this MySpace mail account. (I wouldn't be able to tell them apart from my normal daily email spam, and THIS IS IMPORTANT!)

* If you're male, please message me with your estimated bench press weight and availability. There are some things here in the office that need moved. Flyers and stuff.