I was on the train on Saturday on my way home, when I was privy to a conversation between two young ladies.  One of the young ladies was explaining to the other the ignorance she witnessed at a recent funeral.  Her friend had committed suicide after a conversation with his girlfriend, but had shown signs of deep depression for months prior.  After her friend's memorial services the younger people left to gather for prayer and testimonies about this young man.  Out of the sight of the elders, the young man's cousins decided to take matters into their own hands and confront the girlfriend.  They then proceeded to fight the girl, one girl against 6!  Now mind you there were males observing this. Why do a couple of the males decide to jump in and fight the girl too?  Luckily a couple of sane people called the police and proceeded to break the fight up.  My people, my people.... what are we doing?!?!..

I then transferred to the bus after I got off of the train (I am a proponent of public transportation).  It seemed like it was going to be a peaceful 15 minute ride to my apartment.  A group of young men boarded the bus, boisterous and attention-seeking.  They proceeded to gawk and make loud remarks at one of the boys' phone.  On his phone he had a video of a woman with her back turned, shaking her behind at the camera.  They then proceeded to make sexually lewd comments about the woman in the video.  All the while surrounded by women of all ages, young and old, and children.  WTH!

And last but not least... a little girl got on the bus about 5 minutes before I got off.  She got on alone, looking sad.  A few people got on after her, but she sat down by herself in her own seat.  I thought nothing of it at first, but then she started to cry.  I started to get upset, because I didn't see anyone tending to her.  I looked around and asked the nearest person if she was their child and they responded no.  I started to worry, but not a moment later an older woman replied (somewhat rudely) "She's NOT alone."  I knew it wasn't her child, considering she boarded with me at the train station.  And I sat back and wondered, how could someone just allow their child to sit there and cry?  I then noticed a girl that was sitting behind her start to speak to her, stop, and resume laughing with her friends, which only made the girl cry even more.  I wondered to myself, "How could you sit their and laugh while this child is crying."  I realized after observing that she belonged to the girl (who couldn't be more than 18) and that she was upset because she had to leave the fair because her mother's friends were ready to go.  It still upset me, the neglect I observed, the child was left to cry while she was completely ignored.

I got off the bus to walk to my apartment and felt so tired and hopeless, it all was overwhelming.  I wonder if we realize just how ignorant we can be, how disrespectful we can be, how apathetic we can be, or do we even care?  For my people I will pray.

I pray that our people know tolerance in spite of ignorance.

I pray that our people know empathy in spite of apathy. 

I pray that we know strength in the midst of weakness.

And we know joy beyond all of our pains.

I pray that we witness love and affection everyday.

I pray that we muster up the courage to give it unconditionally.

I pray that we look at ourselves and witness our legacy.

I pray that we respect ourselves for our ancestry

And for the lineage that we will bestow upon the world. 

I pray our children know love in spite of neglect.

I pray our men know respect in spite of degradation.

I pray our women know tenderness in spite of force.

I pray our youth know responsibility in spite of negation.

I pray our boys know nurture in spite of environment.

I pray our girls know self in spite of depictions. 

I pray for our boys to know that being a man is about honesty and patience.

And for our girls to know that being a woman is about grace and confidence. 

I pray that I have the knowledge of my own self to help lead a child to themselves.

I pray that I help to give someone the courage to ask the tough questions.

I pray that I am part of a movement to fight for the answers.

I pray that I witness women who strive for more than what's offered.

And for men who offer more than what's asked.

This is my prayer.... 

….because life's so sweet. Lol.  So obviously I'm having a good day…. let's make that a good month.  I haven't had to battle any self imposed negativity, I haven't had any sleepless nights, and I haven't sunk into any periods of depression.  Now a lot of that could be due to the fact that I've been working one full time job and two part-time holiday jobs (once recently ending at the same time as one beginning).  So maybe it's just that I've had no time to dwell on anything that might put me in a somber mood.  But then again, I know that's not true.  I altogether had a mini break down a couple weeks ago, because I didn't know how I was going to continue with this self-imposed independence and I was between checks at one job and the other one hadn't paid me properly.  Boy was I heated, and not because I needed to go shopping for some new shoes or needed to fly across country for a girls' weekend, but because I just settled into my current place of residence and I needed some breathing room.  Breathing room which was supposed to be afforded by having two jobs!  So I broke down, but guess what, I didn't have time to stay down.  I didn't have time to worry about what tomorrow was going to bring, even though I was upset, I had to force myself to understand that tomorrow was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.  Because there was work to do in my life that next day, and the day after.  It didn't hurt that I have a great support system that's only a dial away.  Sometimes when I feel really alone, and I get caught up in a notion of self importance (that what happens to me only happens to me) my loved ones help me to snap back to reality.  An important observation was relayed to me: I've always gotten through it, whatever it was and instead of struggling against the flow of progress (which is exactly what creates the discomfort) I must allow the future to happen and ride it out with faith. 

So I've had the ability to dwell (but not for too long) and I've stayed busy, moving forward, progressing.  And I've also had the time to reflect, to take in the deep breath I was afraid I couldn't muster, and allow myself to realize just how sweet my life is.  I'm now meditating on the place that I've arrived, the place between holding on and letting go, the place between forcing and giving – the place of faith, where my soul resides, where all things are placed exactly where they are to be in the appropriate time. 

It's not easy, but I've found that what is actually the hardest part is giving mySelf the room to breath, the hardest part is letting go of the reigns and being divinely guided to inspired action.  It's hard to allow because I'm so used to steam rolling into every situation! Lol.  But reflecting back on all that I've done and been I get emotionally overwhelmed when I understand where I am now.  I have arrived (not the first time and surely the last) and God does it feel great.

I just wanted to let you all know that I was better than okay, but how are you all doing, how's everything in your world?  You know I'm just a phone call, message or prayer away if you need me.....

Every relationship, every opportunity you have at relating to another person brings with it a valuable lesson – good or bad.  In relating to people we endure the most growth in understanding ourselves and what we hope to experience on this journey.  Nowhere is that more true then in our intimate relationships – our romantic relationships and our familial relationships.  As 2008 approaches and 2007 comes to a close I feel that one of the most important things I've come to understand is that I have to allow people to do what they're going to anyway or what they want to do. Rather than put myself through unnecessary stress and strain.

Before I have a bunch of people jump on my back, let me clarify.  In no other year of my life has self-servitude in people been more evident.  I learned that regardless of how much you try to voice your concern, discomfort, or hesitation when a person has a set idea of what they want they will only go with what's best for you for so long (in most cases) before their altruism runs out.  In general there are conditions placed upon love.  Rather, limitations placed upon love. 

"I love you enough to do X, Y, and Z, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it's something I want to do, eventually I'll be doing it."

Most people have the ability to bypass self-servitude for a period of time, through a few situations, working it out a few times, or just completely giving in to what is the simple solution – not doing what makes the other person uncomfortable.  But for only so long, eventually most people will reveal their asses and have you more bothered than you were in the first place.  Bothered, because you fell for the charade instead of a workable, tangible solution that was created through compromise (a key component in relationships!) that will perpetuate throughout the tenure of the relationship.

Relationships are about understanding, compromising, and coexisting with another.  With that being said, your relationship with yourSelf and this journey called life is about love and the development and understanding of Self.  When we enter into these relating-ships, we make a silent agreement with ourselves that part of our journey is going to be influenced by another, the bitter with the sweet.  We are separate people, though, with our own agendas, plans, etc.  And even when you both are aware of what is required to grow and sustain together, the both of you are going to do (in a sense) what serves you best individually first­.  Whether I am a consideration or not, I've come to learn how to allow that.  This is not a process of being walked over or submissive, because just as they choose so do I.  And the level at which I am a factor in the decision making process (considering it is a relationship!) helps me to better define what the relationship is for me.  Just because you are given scraps doesn't mean you have to eat them, especially when you can afford A LOT more.  That's the conclusion I've come to throughout this process of relating to others in 2007, people are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, but you don't have to accept it you just have to have faith in your (deserve)ability to receive what you need/want, even if it's elsewhere.

I'm realizing daily that maybe I don't know as much about relationships as I thought I did! So welcome to the rest of this learning process.  2008 is going to be an amazing year, you just wait! – I.D. (Informed Dayna)