So, my road trip around the world has come to an end, for the moment. I am currently in LA, returning back to AZ for work on the 12th... for the time being, I'll be calling Flagstaff my home, so if anyone wants to visit me, hit me up!

I don't really plan on updating this blog anymore... I actually only logged in today because Karma gave me shit for never posting anything here - so Karma, this one's for you, baby - thanks for the pop rocks. ;)

I am still working on my book, so most of what I write goes there, but I do have a fancy new website where I will be posting something every few days (thanks, Trev). Eventually it will have my picture gallery, etc. there too, so keep your eyes peeled! :) The link is

www dot verbalexcursions dot com

Check it out - your feedback is always appreciated. :)

*muchlove*
Verbal

"What?" you may be asking yourself. "I've known you a long time, and never heard you use the word 'hate'. Not even in expressing your distaste for eggplant - you'll refer to it as 'the abomination of vegetables' but you've never said you HATED anything... where did this come from?"

"Well," I say, "there's a long history here. But the latest chapter was written today."

So, in the midst of moving and traveling and packing and all the general madness of daily life, we've been trying to clear the house out in stages.  Which means that the old house has been sitting vacant.  There are still a few things in there of value, which we are trying to sell but didn't have room to store. But other than that, there were just a few bins of personal items and the detritus of the dismantled studio. I've been back and forth daily to check mail, pack things, and clean - I actually spent all weekend there organizing and packing everything that was left.

So, I stopped by today to pick up some stuff, and as I walk through the door, I am midsentence describing all the work we've done, and my friend says "Dude, the place is still pretty torn up." I turn around and realize all of the boxes and bins had been dumped out and torn through - belongings were just strewn everywhere. I was shocked - I got about five feet into the house before I said "Someone has been in here." I walked down the hallway and was just saying "Someone broke in - " when a guy comes around the corner from the back bathroom. I totally lost my shit - I started screaming at him, and he took off - literally dived through a window into the backyard.

I ran around the house and chased him, while dialing 911.  I described him and told the police I was chasing him on foot - the operator berated me and told me to stop chasing him, so I watched as he ran down the street. By the time the cops got there, he was gone, and they said they couldn't find him. ARGH.

So, anyway - apparently I walked in on him as he was STRIPPING THE FUCKING COPPER OUT OF THE WALLS. He had turned off the water, tore down drywall, and had torn all of the water pipes out of the bathroom and laundry room. The hot water heater is totally fucked, and there is no piping in a good section of the house. He had also torn the electrical box off of the house, and cut a bunch of cabling, so that's awesome. And he had dumped out everything we had packed, and loaded bags with gear and personal belongings to steal... I have no idea at this point how much he may have stolen, as everything is such a wreck, and he was obviously making trips. :(

So, if anyone is bored tonight and wants to come over and chill with me while I redo all this work, that would be awesome. The guy obviously squats somewhere in the neighborhood, as he was on foot. I just need to get everything out at this point, and I don't want to be there alone with Crazy McTweakerpants watching my house.

GRRR. I should've just kept chasing him. I should've gone back and got the car (I almost did) and just ran him down vigilante style. The cops were so totally unhelpful - it took them like ten minutes to get there, and they made excuses as to why they couldn't take finger prints - as they were leaving, one cop even said "Well, if we know anything, we know they'll definitely be back. Copper is valuable, and now they know it's here. Hopefully we'll catch them next time..."

Next time? Yeah... that's my tax dollars at work.

Well, if I know one thing, NEXT time I'm not calling the cops til I'm done beating the Holy Bejesus out of someone with a baseball bat. That's legal as long as they are on my property, right?

I fucking hate tweakers.

...to post the words "blow" and "tease" in the same blog.  Apparently this flagged me in MySpace's profile search, because today I got hit up by an extremely large number of guys I don't know.

Just FYI - if you are reading this post now, as a result of a MySpace finder search, please note that the words "tease" "blow" and "extremely large" are not used in a sexual context. I'm more creative than that. :)

If you have stumbled upon my page by accident, and are considering initial contact, please review the following Pre-Screening Checklist before forwarding your friends request -

1. Are you under the age of 21? if so, are you -
     a. related to me
     b. friends with my child
     c. the child of a close friend
     (if these special conditions apply to you, you may skip the rest of this      questionnaire, and proceed with contact.)
2. Does your display name contain more than one curse word, or is it written iN_ANnoYingF$@KingFont?**
3. Does your photo album consist entirely of self-portraits, generally taken in front of a mirror, and showing yourself in various states of undress?
4. Do you wear a baseball hat with a flat bill, cocked jauntily to the side?
5. Does your profile display more than one photo of Jagermeister, Miller High Life, or the leaf of a marijuana plant?
6. Do you know what kind of Vampire you are, or which level of Hell you qualify for at the current juncture?
7. Do you plan to include the phrase "tick tock Bitch I am the bizzomb" in your initial contact email?
8. Is your favorite movie "Scarface", or do you have a poster of Al Pacino in your bedroom?
9. Is your sole motivation for messaging me the desire to get in my pants, preferably tonight?
10. What is the airspeed velocity of an African swallow?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, please be aware that your application for friendship will be closely scrutinized.  If you answered "Yes" to two or more of these questions, upon completion of your draft, please scroll to the bottom of your screen and click "Cancel".

If none of these questions applied to you, and/or you found this post poignant and witty, please feel free to contact me at any time.

*muchlove*
Verbal


**Exceptions may be made in cases where the use of profanity and/or l@me@ssFont is extremely snarky, or intended as silent and sarcastic protest. For details, please contact customer service between 12:58pm and 1:00pm MST.

In the fine print here, I would like to note that ONE of the men who contacted me was actually really polite. He is in from out of town on business, and looking to meet people - so if any of you know of good stuff going on this week or weekend, please let me know, and I will forward his profile. Thanks! :)

Hey All -

Someone sent me this link last year around Christmas, and I thought I'd repost it. It might give you a new perspective as you complete your shopping lists this year...

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

And for those of you who'd like to give a meaningful gift (or have been puzzling over what to give the person who has everything...) THIS link is to an amazing organization - check it out!

http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.204586/

*muchlove*
V