Recently, I experienced a bit of an upheaval as I had been working with a few people I enjoyed and believed we were on the same page but soon found out, very unexpectedly, that was not the case.  After receiving a few terse emails, the project dissolved right in front of me due to irreconcilable differences that I still don’t exactly understand.  I was left with a bitter taste and a feeling of exhaustion, regret and sadness. 

The next day, I was to help sail a boat to ....Rhode Island.....  The wind was against us, the tide was against us and rain was descending from the threatening skies.  It certainly was not a comforting thought that we were about to board the boat that day, but I, for one, couldn’t stand being on land another minute, so we headed off. 

After pulling the fenders and tightening the lines, I decided not to let the past 24 hours ruin another minute of my life.  I resolved to take the lessons I had learned and simply push forward.  After all, that was probably the only thing left to do anyway. 

About an hour later, the tide began to turn, the wind picked up and the rain stopped.  As we sailed past Point Judith, it reminded me once again that life is full of disappointments, large and small, and if we can hang on just long enough for the sea-change we will have our reprieve, even if it is only for a moment, we will feel better and we will be at peace.  As we made our way toward ....Newport...., I learned that Point Judith was also aptly named “The Harbor of Refuge” and I thanked her for helping me as much as she has all the other wayward sailors in times past.

I was reading a Time Magazine at the gym the other day and found an article on Nelson Mandela.  I was struck by the entire article but by these lines in particular:

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".....the message was clear: Life is never either/or. Decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. To look for simple explanations is the bias of the human brain, but it doesn't correspond to reality. Nothing is ever as straightforward as it appears......."

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Validation is important and somehow reading that article seemed to ease my mind over things I didn't even realize were bothering me.  Whenever one takes the initiative to make a major decision one is always confronted with people's opinions.  Some are welcome, supportive in nature and have your best interest at heart; some are still concerned for you but carry an air of "mother knows best," and still others are straight-away mean and debilitating, explaining to you just how systematically you have destroyed your own life.

After my last decision, I struggled with the lack of a sound-bite for those who needed it.  They wanted a categorical explanation as to what was happening in my life and I wished I could oblige mostly because of their level of anxiety over it. 

If you are anything like me, you take your life cues from how it feels and not from how it looks to anyone else or how it "should" be, nor do you concern yourself too much with the fact that your road has slightly different curves on it than most.  Of course, hind-sight is 20/20 and I suppose, if pushed I would say that I would change some things in my past if I felt the goal was to look better on paper.  However, while that goal is admirable in its own right and certainly has more security in one fashion or another, it isn't mine.  Does that concern me?  Of course it does.  We all have to find a way to survive in this world with each other while remaining true to who we are as individuals, but if I were to have changed my history so that I melded more seamlessly with societal rules, then I wouldn't have learned the valuable, though sometimes painful, lessons that I was taught on my way to today.

Trying to fit all of that in an answer under 2 sentences became difficult.  Then I heard Nelson's words "decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors."  I decided that would be my mantra.  I would use his words like a favorable wind to carry me forth until I found a safe place to regroup, regain and rebuild.

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Entire Nelson Mandela article here:
http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,1821467,00.html
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You know you're having a bad day when you need 16 ounces of whiskey in a 12 ounce beer.

I heard this on the West Wing, I wish I knew who wrote it.  I thought I'd share it with you.:

THE WAY OUT:

This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out.

A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey you! Can you help me out"? The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole, and moves on.

Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole! Can you help me out"? The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.

Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out"? And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here"! And the friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out".

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." 

- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

The phrase "Seize The Day" always confused me a little.  I thought that if you didn't continue to relentlessly struggle for a more peaceful planet, a greener earth, and a safer world, then you were simply giving up, you were apathetic, and you were no longer contributing.

People like to keep concepts as simple as possible, but concepts by definition lie in gray areas.  Of course, it is important to appreciate what you have but it is also important to stretch for growth.  My scientific self wants an answer.  What percentage of the time should I be thankful and what percentage should I be working toward something greater?  When do I recognize how far I've come, when do I concentrate on the lengths I still have to go?

Human beings are complex creatures.  For everything that we have in common with each other, there are innumerous things that make us unique.  That fact, in itself, is a little mind blowing.  This spring, for me, has been full of reappearances of old friends, some of whom I haven't been able to speak to in several years.  These people are not the occasional friend, but rather, they know me quite well.  They are people who were walking with a similar stride, carrying a similar light on their path.  With every call or email, I am reminded of how much I've missed talking to them each in their unique ways and slightly different views of the world, how much they have enriched my life and widened my scope, and how much they bring to the plate of the conversation, no matter the topic.   

Life progresses, and sometimes you are taken away from the people you love for a time, the lines blur and it becomes harder to discern what should be taking center stage from what actually is sitting there.  Society's rules also come into play as it has its own idea of what you are allowed or disallowed to do and like it or not, you have to deal with those as well.

You never know what the future has in store for you or for those you love, and so today, I am going to concentrate less on worrying about when and if I'll hear from (or see) my friends again, and more on the moments we have together, be it in an email, on the phone, having a beer or enjoying a movie.  Carpe Diem