They bite.  So bite them back!

"Stefan Sharkansky: Blogger, Cheapskate, Monkey father"

We've been hearing all week about these "devices" planted by evil Adult Swim agents - many being mistaken as "bombs". Seriously, do these look like bombs to you?



If this looks like a bomb to you:

A.) You might also believe that 24 is real (dude, it's fucking KIEFER!)
B.) You're too young to remember Lite-Brite.
C.) You need to read "Beyond Fear", and start worrying about drowning in your own bath-tub before terrorism.

So, once more. This is a bomb:


This is a Lite-Brite:


If the FBI, CIA, etc can't figure out the difference between the two, then I guess
we really should be worried.   In this case, these Cartoon Network evil-doers committed the most unforgivable of crimes:
They made the government look bad.

Alternative title:  "Why conservatives reside in terminal idiocy"

In a previous entry I decried conservative web-sources for dubious citation jobs. In particular I targeted Orbusmax - Seattle's local drudgereport:

"Because he's always using other right-wingnuts as sources, Orbusmax is a prime offender for being right-wing recycle-bin/ echo-chamber."

Here's a prime example.  Orbusmax' bold headline right now reads:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Clicking on the link does not bring you to a credible source:  For example, no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes from a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc.  No, clicking on this only sends us to orbusmax' favorite go-to conservative weblog  Little Green Footballs, who gives us this entry:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Information, sources, and citations become even more chimerical from here.   Little Green Footballs gives us a segment of a "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but gives us no link to that paper.  This segment also fails to present any actual credible Gulf State sources (listed above).

Again, there is still no link to this phantom "paper" or report.  However,  LGFootballs does provide the following:

A new paper issued by an influential Dubai think tank suggests that Gulf states may be prepared to back a US military strike on Iran

This hyperlink sends us to - wait for it - yet another weblog.  This Alice rabbit-hole is run by the ultra-conservative NY daily, The Daily Sun.  And it get's better (or worse).   The article posted on this blog is again titled:

"Report: Gulf States Prepared to back US Military Strikes on Iran"
(still waiting for the actual link to an actual report)

This weblog article - posted by online editor Daniel Freedman - seems to be the final resting place for this weblog circle-jerk.  But like all the others, Freedman again makes reference to "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but again fails to provide any verifiable links to that paper.  Freedman's article includes the same segment as LGFootballs.  But again, no citation, no report, no link.    

Freedman makes reference to a speech given by Bush's Under Seceretary of State Nicholas Burns to the GRC where Burns said:

"The Middle East isn't a region to be dominated by Iran. The Gulf isn't a body of water to be controlled by Iran. That's why we've seen the United States station two carrier battle groups in the region,"

But there is no reference here to any Gulf States backing this US move.  Again, no credible sources - no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes for a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc - are given to verify this claim.  

Taken together:  A supposed online news-service cites a conservative blog that cites another conservative blog that cites NOTHING.

Unfortunatly, many people reading an alarmist & determinitive headline about Gulf States backing US military strikes on Iran will accept it at face-value.  Many will show up to the water-cooler tomorrow with a "Guess what I heard?".  Many others will lovingly send mass emails to friends/family with the headline, linking back our friend Orbusmax.    

All this undoubtedly improves the advertising revenue for Orbusmax & his circle-jerk blog friends.   But we live in country where the president is actively suppressing information and then actively declassifying only parts of documents that support his schemes. 

In this context, the propegation of pseudo-information is a detriment to our democratic survival as a country, and the Soviet-caliber propagandists using this tactic should be cast into the same asheap of history.

Last weekend's Portland road-trip tribulation presented a few new stories for the ages: A new nickname; A profane jager-induced rage at a Van Halen cover-band playing Haggar; A "No-athon"; Chasing Mariah around with a DLR residue-laced hand.

But one segment stuck-out in my mind from the return trip. I've made note of this road-side display on several previous I-5 trips, but like many items in my life, that note had been repeatedly filed deep into my ADD-adled archives. This time I kept thinking about it afterwards - clearly a lifetime of exposure to this I-5 landmark had pushed aside all other higher brain functions.


For I-5 travelling Warsh-ingtonians, the Uncle Sam billboard between Chehalis & Centralia has become both an unsightly attraction & the purest form of 1st Amendment use. I'm normally hit with a combo-punch of both descriptions - inducing a nervous chuckle.

Again, this exposure pushed me deep into thought about the who's, what's, & why's behind Chehalis' beloved/hated Uncle Sam. The initial searches for all things Uncle Sam were incredibly fruitless - "Washington" and "Uncle Sam" led google into empty pastures. But after several deep caches, I finally found a name and obituary:

Alfred Hamilton, 1920-2004: He Put Conservative Views on Billboard

Photo: Hamilton and Billboard - 1972
(Note: Answers that spawn more questions - Who the hell is Bill Caruth?)

As you can see, Hamilton's death hit the AP and was quickly carried nationwide:
New York Times: "Highway's Message Board Now Without a Messenger"
San Fran Chronicle: "Washington State Loses a Unique Free-speech Icon"

And what a surprise! Our dear wingnuts at the Freerepublic also picked it up:
"Owner of I-5's 'Uncle Sam' Billboard Dies at 84"
(w/ 50+ fun posts of Freeper commentary)

The best resource as always is the one closest to ground zero. I went through the Chehalis Chronicle archives & found (and paid for) a total gem of an obituary. From this, I've been able to piece-together a biographical sketch of sorts for this free-speech anti-hero:

Born: March 31, 1920, in Chehalis to parents Frank and Edith Hamilton

Attended the one-room Valley School and later studied at what is now Washington State University - never graduating.

From daughter Sherryl Zurek:
"If he graduated, he would have been drafted. He quit early so he could get a deferment, and he farmed instead of going into the service."
(Wow, a draft-dodger - and dodged WWII no less!)

Married Ruth Knoles in 1942.
He raised sheep, then started raising turkeys, producing as many as 20,000 to 30,000 a year on the land just north of Midway Meats and west of Interstate 5

Hamilton became interested in real estate, building and leasing the Ribeye restaurant and McDonald's on the land left him by his father
(Turner, Tyler, Anna & I used to swear by the Ribeye's "Irish Nacho" goodness)

He originally built the sign in 1971 at the instigation of his wife, who found that the state was spending more money on welfare than on schools.
(See? That damned Eve made me do it)

In 1971, then-state Attorney General Slade Gorton filed a lawsuit against Hamilton for his billboard under the Scenic Vista Act.
(An interesting 1st Amendment case - you can read the lawsuit resolution in it's entirety here):
STATE v. HAMILTON 1979

Tom Bradshaw, pastor of Chehalis First Christian Church, gives us this Al Hamilton profile:
"He stood about 6-3 or 6-4, and weighed 200 pounds or so. He gave you the feeling he was the kind of man you wouldn't want to mess with."
(Amen, brother)

I also managed to hunt down a few select photos of Uncle Al's sayings. Most NW excursionists are familiar with the subject matter: an endless tirade against all things Liberal, Commie, Red, Pinko & Blue - and every hue in-between. Again, either making us giggle or stressing our over-caffienated AVM's (usually both).

Tyler and the other Evergreen State College Alumni reminded me of this Al Hamilton gold - Later used by Evergreen as an actual postcard sold in their gift-shop. I still think they should make a T-shirt of this one - I'd wear it:


Here's one that found Herr Hamilton at odds with the Bush admin. A tirade here against all those who oppose America-as-birth-right:


The close 2004 gubernatorial election between Gregoire/Rossi made us all pretty tense. Apparently, Al was so tense he skipped the ladder:


And of course the Iraq War would weigh heavily on the mind of a WWII draft-dodger - evoking this grevience against all us quagmire/civil-war protesters. We also see what might be our final view of Chehalis' favorite bristled curmudgeon.

(Unintentional comedy:  I would stay seated and support the Dawgs at the gates of hell - let alone in Pullman.  Not that there's a difference)

From the various articles, several other Al-isms were recorded - all in caps of course. Tongue-depresser handy? Good, your going to need it:

"BOOTH GARDNER:
A MAN WHO THINKS TWICE BEFORE HE SAYS NOTHING."

"PACKWOOD RETIRES
AFTER TWENTY-SEX YEARS IN SENATE"

"GOVERNORS LIKE LOWRY DON'T GROW ON TREES.
THEY SWING FROM THEM."

"DOES LOCKE SUPPORT ALL DRUNK DRIVERS?"
(editor's note: WHAT?)

"AIDS TURNS FRUITS INTO VEGETABLES." (Yikes)

"THERE ARE NO BILLBOARDS IN RUSSIA, CUBA, OR COMMUNIST CHINA."

But with all the blathering bravado, Al's friend and turkey business partner George Duby gives us this all-important crux:

"Even though we disagreed on many things, I think it made our friendship stronger." 

And quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson, Duby adds:

"It is always better to be a thorn in the side of your friend than an echo." (Don't I know!)

And fear not, road-side attractioneer: Al's death in 2004 - apparently of Alzheimers & Cancer - did not silence Uncle Sam. The Hamilton fam is stepping-in and accepting the curmudgeon torch. Testimonial: new anti-immigrant script up last weekend (all caps) for your drive-by viewing pleasure.

Here's the near-to-exact map-quest:
1360 Rush Rd. Chehalis, WA 98532-8728

If you can, please don't just pass it by. Pull over, take a photo, and then post it here - a living shrine to Washington's favorite free-speech rebel.

Afterwards, drop by the Ribeye for some Irish Nachos. Leave a tater-skin behind for Al.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
~Voltaire

Bibliography:
Lawton, Mark. "'Uncle Sam' Billboard Owner Dies."
Chehalis Chronicle 10 Nov. 2004, local ed.

I don't do requests, but I made an acception for one Bella Dulcet
- our AZ blue-hearted sister (how does she do it?).

The Request: Nate's favorite & most-read political websites.

Gave-up my usual suspects:

Media Matters
Known for catching Rightwingnuts in the media on video with their pants down. Founded by David Brock - ex-GOP hitman. Herr Falafeloofa hates them - nuff said.

Blatherwatch
A locally run muckraker - similar to Media Matters. Anytime a spider farts in NW radioland, Founder/Host Michael Hood hears it. Great for unmasking the soviet-esque secrecy of corporate radio. Styblehead hates them - nuff said .

...But then she stopped me:

"No Nate, I mean the conservative wacko sites"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I demand, with Sesame Street drug-dealer enthusiasm.

I look around each shoulder and then yank her into a back alley,
opening my trench coat (salacious, no?)

"conservative wacko sites?", she whispers.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight"

See, much like Lefty the Salesman trying to sell Ernie a Q for a nickel, my growing collection of wack-job conservative websites is a dark art - a secret rite, if you will. I could tell you, but the knowledge alone just might kill you...

...But what the hell, it's the fucking holidays, right? 
I wanna see some death! Without further ado:

Nate's favorite Right-wing resources:
Moving from the surface towards the earth's core...

Drudgereport.com
An "Enquirer for wing-nuts" of sorts. (Actually, I'm pretty sure the Enquirer is more accurate). Quite a suck-sess story, really: Founder Matt Drudge was a Deli manager in DC, and had an ear for gossip. Running an email news service from his CPU, he was the first to uncover, break, and run-with the Lewinsky scandal. The Godfather of modern pajama-journalism - left or right.

Unfortunatly, Drudge's scoop on Lewinsky was one of his last & only Bulls-eyes. For the most part, he relies on shotgun/grenade journalism - printing anything (against liberals/progressives only of course), and every once in a while, he'll be right.  Other than that, you'll also find celeb scandals 'o plenty here.
Note: Drudge loves to delete his archives when he's proven wrong/libelous.

Orbusmax.com
A local drudgereport with less celeb scandal poop. Orbus takes most of his  headlines from WorldNetDaily,(see below) Newsmax, & MichelleMalkin (gak). Because he's always using other right-wingnuts as sources, Orbusmax is a prime offender for being right-wing recycle-bin/echo-chamber.  You will rarely if ever find an actual primary source on Orbi.  Ironically, tons of SeaWA talk-show hosts take there talking-points straight from Orbusmax.
(listen to KIRO's Frank Shiers while reading Orbusmax - eery.)

OH! and Orbusmax is famous for using this headline Mad Lib tactic:
____________________________________________UNHINGED!
(anytime a progressive decides to speak their mind)

Before I die, I want Orbusmax to say "Merciful Nate - UNHINGED". Which brings us to...

WorldNetDaily.com
I find it endlessly amusing that Orbusmax picks through haystacks for unhinged liberal needles, but EVERY door in WorldNetDaily has been ripped out & stored  in Uncle Cletus' shed. Fundy Ayatollahs UNHINGED. Actually, WND is a very useful and inspiring site - great for many of my favorite blog-games:

OH! And where the hell else are you gonna read Chuck-fucking-Norris' latest collumn? Huh? HUH? Yeah, thats what I fuckin thought.

Note: the following advert GIF is currently
up and flashing on WorldNetDaily:

(yipes)

And now folks - The very deepest of pits
(Thats right, WorldNetDaily was only a Sub-basement), 
I give you:

FreeRepublic.com
Don't let their low-tech advert-lite environment fool you!   FreeRepublic is the largest online posting arena for Red-state, Bush-lovin, Sheep-minded, Fundegelical Ayatollahs (nicknamed "Freepers"). Picture in your mind Tim Eyman & Pat Robertson. Now mix together & arm heavily. Now multiply several thousand times. Yeah, yikes.

Even better than WorldNetDaily for blog-games.   My favorite? 

And even better:  Every single unhinged wing-nut comes complete with their very-own myspace-esque profile.   Here's just a sample: "Floutdoorsman"

Warning:  Before contacting and/or playing happy-happy-joy-joy myspace-friendy with freepers, remember that most of them are likely impotent-positive (m), libido-negative (f), and well-armed (both)

So there you go, Bella Dulcet et al - Nate's picks for 2006. 

"It'll cost ya just a Nickel"

"A NICKEL!!"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

whispers:  "A Nickel"

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT"

September 11th marks a dark day for democracy

A day when a democratic country was attacked.  

Attacked by conspiracy of internal tyrannical thugs - allied with the devious plot of a foreign government.

This attack resulted in the death of nearly 3,000 people,
with the injury & "disappearances" of thousands more. 

September 11, 1973
The country:  Chile
The tyrannical thugs:  Augusto Pinochet's coup d'état of the democratically elected Allende government
The foreign government:  The US under Nixon/Kissinger.

With the natural death of the thug Augusto Pinochet on December 10, 2006 (Human Rights day - ironically), may we now learn from history instead of repeating it again:  No natural death for tyrants.

Sic semper tyrannis

This Monday, the Gerards family lost our beloved Himalayen feline to the wild Acacian woods.

When Karleen and Don took that European trip around the summer of 1993,  they had no idea what the kids would get up to:  A grand party that would run off the rails, and a tiny grey bundle of fluff - replacement for the recently departed "Ezekiel".

His name was originally "Fizgig" - after his uncanny resemblence to Jim Hensen's rolling ball of fuzz in the Dark Crystal.   We picked him from a litter of his brethren in Duvall.  In mind's eye, I see your mother:  A completely concaved face.  Your father must have somehow filled-in that DNA face-crater.

When Mom and Dad came home - their anger over the party aftermath was quickly assuaged by the new arrival.  From their Euro-travels, they decided on the name "Winston", after the pudgy faced UK PM.  

Other than Fizgig & Winston, he had many other nom de guerres - from many other friends:
"Winstoner"
"Stoner"
"Goofball"
"Doofus"
"Biscuit boy" & "Mr. Biscuits"
"Talkin' boy" (after Bessie died)
"Bud"
"Kiddo"

I can still see Winston brutally attacking his older brother Bones after we applied the Kitty gas mask (inhaling bottle of catnip pellets) .  Bones never could figure out what triggered such brutality.

I last saw you 2 weeks ago when the folks left Thanksgiving weekend.  Even gave you a bath to clean up that scabby chin - always allergic to everything.   A serene moment:  Winston wrapped in 3 towels, pretty pissed-off after being hoodwinked into the bath, but now relaxing and taking-in a Chapelle episode.

So many other memories that come to mind.  Over this next week, as the stories slowly roll back in to my conscience, I'll add them here.  For those of you that remember & loved Winston, please leave them  here too.

A more general topic this time - and personal. Open thread, so please feel free to drop comments at blatherwatch

Open Thread: Political Rubbers vs. Roads

Where do politics begin and relationships end?
(Where does "culture" stop & and " a war" start?)

Is politics a full-contact sport,
or just a Star Wars vs. Star Trek fan rivalry with different costumes?

Do you personally draw a line in the sand?
If so, where is that line?
(issues vs. friends, dating, relationships, or marriages)

If someone crosses that line, what are the consequences?

Better than Godfather III, I promise:

Styblehead's Last Stand

An obscure radio reference here. A late night ex KIRO host named Bryan Styble managed to secure a "one night only" spot last night/morning to cover the snowstorm. Night of horrors.

Long story short: You were all lucky to be sleeping that night. I suffered through KIRO's late-night blasphemies on your behalf.

Note: At one point, Styble barfed the following:

"I think Van Halen was a much better band with Sammy Haggar than with David Lee Roth"

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

"Glenn Beck Mad Libs"

For those of you who don't know, Glenn Beck hosts a terrible show on Headline News (!!!). Beck is also an Everett native - not that there's anything wrong with that. hahahahah

Enjoy

As mentioned, I'm guest-blogging for a  NW radio-centered site: blatherwatch, while author/founder  is vacating.

First post is now up:
"Trucker Talk Fleec-o-matic? 10-4!"

I feel like Navin R. Johnson
"Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now. "

For those just joining us, 710KIRO's late-night line-up has been a long sad story of good folks not getting there just-deserts, bad-radio poo sinking to the bottom, and then eventually everything flushed down the toilet & replaced with a big syndicated radio-bot (ie "Trucker Talk").

I know, not the greatest post (no significant research), but was tuning into some late-night KIRO radio & got a writing itch. Strange inspiration, but we've been deputized to cover blather.

Admit one: The Way-back Machine.

Well, not that far back. No one wants to see Nate's Vision Street regalia circa 1988. Let's just pull the flex-capacitated DeLorean off at the following exit-ramp:

November 4th, 2004 - "Victory with Strings"

Possibly due to "Values voters", Bush has just won his second term over John Kerry. The GOP now has control of 2/3 branches of government - with future conservative court appointments completing the monopoly.
(*see footnotes)

Facing this cadaver, I decided to sift through the entrails and do some political autopsy. Using the theory of the political bell-curve, one could conclude that George W Bush's victory was a poison pill - that it would create a split within his own party. By energizing the US Ayatollahs (who vote in big numbers), Bush might secure a victory over "the middle" (who don't vote as often), but this victory would come at a consequence: the alienation of economic conservatives (Guliani/Schwarzeneggers, George Wills, Milton Friedmans, etc) who represent a far larger piece of GOP pie.

In other words, here's why the GOP lost so big this year: Economic conservatives got jealous about Bush's Ayatollah footsy and either:
A.) Stayed home
B.) Voted democratic

But here's the punchline. All across the AM dial, wingnut blatherers are building a very odd heavy wax from their tears. The overwhelming content of this wax proclaims that tthe GOP took this "Thumpin" because the candidates "weren't conservative enough". Now economically, they might be right - A bigger group of Gubment-cheese porky-pigs I have never seen (see: "Old McDonald's Petting Zoo" recieving Homeland Security cash)

But Social conservatives? I sure hope they go on thinking this.
Rick Santorum - arch-conservative & terrible analogist - ran a far-right socially-conservative agenda and was fairly free of Abramoff scandal scum. Despite this, Santorum got his fundy-butt kicked in PA: Losing to Robert Casey, Jr by 18%. Note: When an incumbant in any state loses by that much, you call that a "grand thumpin".

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it? I can't be the only one who loves watching another all-out charge against the Maschinengewehr 08

Sometimes the truth hurts, but sometimes it feels real good.

* Footnotes:

Irony of all iron-knees, even after the 2004 conservative monopoly on everything, Herr Falafeloofa (Bill O'Reilly) invented yet another moral-majority martyr complex (ie pulled it out his ass), for yet another of his high-larious "War on Christmas" bits.

Note: And He's doing it again. Thanks to all you godless fags, we may not even have a Christmas this year.

Note 2: And here I was thinking it was proper to pospone all mythological holy wars until after Thanksgiving. Sheesh

I first became politically aware/active around 17 years ago.  Since that time I would hear from people - on a fairly regular basis - believing their vote counted for nothing .  And I totally empathized -  and for a significant period of time,  felt the same way.  I still voted, but I never believed it really mattered in the long run.

The events this week will serve as a history lesson plan & template to squash the futile belief that your vote doesn't matter.   The events this week were a clear message to our leaders:  You do not rule us - we are YOUR employers.  We can, will, do, & did say "You're FIRED". 

Just take a look at the following sequence of events this week:

November 2, 2006
"Bush Says Rumsfeld Should Stay in Office Until the End of His Presidency"

November 7th, 2006
Democrats sweep House, Senate hangs in balance

November 8th, 2006
Rumsfeld Resigns as Defense Secretary

Message Heard
Message Understood
Message Acknowledged

HOOOOOAH!

Think about it.   This is a major foreign policy shift, during a war (albeit undeclared),  in a government sector that is notoriously numb to public pressure (The Pentagon) - the equivalant of a tit mouse trying to push an elephant. All precipitated by the events of November 7th, 2006 - a roaring tit mouse.

Behold: the raw power of voting.  
Now get out there and do it again.