Hi,

In order to keep blogging regularly I have introduced more fiber in my diet. Also, I have been reading more news and so today I will begin my new blog-segment: Stupid Headline of the Month.

I know this segment may seem complex but once I break it down to the base components of the concept, I assure you, you will all understand it. You see, what I do, is read the news right, I read the news, and then sometime during the month, I will post a blog, about one of the news headlines that I think is stupid. See, not so complicated after all.

Ok, lets begin.

The first headline, and also the one that inspired this segment is this one that I saw on the CNN website.
Ready, here it comes...

Thai tourism to suffer?

You think? The fucking airports have been shut down. People cannot even leave the place, let alone get in to go sight-seeing, and even if they wanted to (and could), there are Thai soldiers on the streets keeping the 'peace' and we all know how much Thai soldiers looooove it when people take photos with them (do we? what am i talking about?). Yea, its like they're the only ones allowed to point and shoot. (nice recovery).

So there you have it, the very first segment of Stupid Headline of the Month. We at the Mikey the Comic blog hope you enjoyed it.

Hey Peepz,

I was just reading about the Obama assassination plot that has been talked about in the news, and I dunno, is it just me, or does this sound like season 1 of 24 to you?

Here is a brief comparison:

24: David Palmer is the first black man to run for president.
Real life: Ok, Obama is only half black, but still, he is the first partially black man to run for president.

24: Palmer is doing well in the polls.
Real life: Obama is doing well in the polls, although trailing a bit. (Well according to my dad, I don't really keep up with this stuff).

24: People try to kill David Palmer.
Real life: People say they're trying to kill Obama.

24: Palmer gains popularity in the polls after the assassination attempt.
Real life: Obama could use some points.

We'll just have to see what happens. Another importand thing to note is that both the elections and the broadcasting of 24 are controlled by Fox. Also, this one time, I saw a fox in a park, and it kinda looked like Obama. Coincidence? I think not!

But seriously, I read this story (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/article4609445.ece) and to me it sounds like they're acting like they caught some people trying to assassinate Obama just to give him some points in the polls. Like, they caught some guys with some high powered rifles, and the guys just told them that they were 'going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a ... rifle ... sighted at 750 yards'. Come on. Who does that? Excuse me sir, what do you have this rifle for? I'm going to kill the presidential candidate. Sounds like BS to me. Maybe they were just illiterate and thought he was Osama.

Some more from the article:

Police have told the television station that one of the suspects 'was directly asked if they had come to Denver to kill Obama. He responded in the affirmative.'

Look, I'm all for Obama gaining some points by using the script from 24, but come on put some effort in is all I'm saying. I remember the good old days when they needed to actually pretend to assasinate a candidate in order to give him some points in the polls and not just set some people up to say it. I guess with all the fake terrorism that's happened people's minds have become so putty like that they dont even need a real attack, just some stooges saying they were planning on it for the population to be persuaded.

My only question in all of this, who is Jack Bauer?
Well, that and.. why havent you people commented on my last blog?

Peace,
Mikey

Sydney's becoming an expensive place to live, so I went to the Gold Coast (in Queensland - Another State for you Americans) for a week, to see how life was there, you know to scout it out if you will, and man, it was way more expensive! I got a furnished studio apartment for a week, and each day cost me what I pay rent in Sydney per week! Ridiculous right? It was a nice building though, it had one of those fancy names... The Marriot, or something.

The landlord was pedantic though, every day he would send someone to make my bed. They'd leave a little suggestion form, I was like, yeah I have a suggestion, stay the fuck out of my room.

We went to Sea World while we were there and saw the Imagine Dolphin Show at Dolphin Cove. We sat down, they started to play the intro music with a voice over: Imagine a world that is 75% water. (Me: Isn't that Earth?) Imagine a marine mammal that is millions of years old living in that world. (Me: You're talking about Dolphins, this is a Dolphin show) Now Imagine a place where you can come in contact with this mammal. (You're talking about this place, Dolphin Cove). Not very fucken imaginative. Come on Sea World, what kind of shit are you trying to pull here?

Then they went on: We need 3 volunteers from the audience. EVERYONE in the audience puts their hand up. They pick 3, and then the others that didn't get picked (i.e. everyone else) get asked to applaud at how BRAVE they are. I was like fuck them, they get to play with dolphins, they should applaud me, for not leaving. Come on everybody, look how not jealous Mikey is. Give him a round of applause.

After this they gave us some more info on the dolphins. Dolphins communicate using sonar and ultra sound. Then they get the dolphins to lay on their backs.  Sometimes if we think they may be pregnant, we can give them an ultra sound while they are in this position to see if they are. Wouldn’t this confuse the dolphins? I think it would be cool, if the ultra sound had some weird message. Dolphin: I think they're trying to communicate with us. Ultrasound Machine: Kill Jeff, Kill Jeff. Dolphin: Who the fuck is Jeff?  *** this used to say something about cheese burgers***

They get the dolphins back with their trainers, and over the voice over you hear: Now witness a friendship like no other. Then the dolphins stand around the trainer while he throws them food. This sounds like a lot of the friendships I have.
  Me: Who wants pizza?
  Friends: Are you buying?
  Me: Sure. 
  Friends: I'm in.
  Me: Cool, Now do a back flip.

Later we saw a Polar Bear. It basically slept all day. They had some polar bear facts, did you know that a polar bear can smell a seal from 10 miles away? I thought this was cruel, cause there were seals less than 1 mile away, and that polar bear must have been like, man... I could really eat some seal right about now. Why can't I get out of this habitat? This is so frustrating, I'm depressed, I'm going to sleep.

At sea world they had a monorail train that went around the park. We had just missed it and they had an announcement, 'The Monorail is now departing, the next one will arrive in 5 minutes.' So we waited, and it came, and we got on, and these people were in our cabin. Then as the gates closed these people rocked up and couldn’t get in. I was like, don’t worry, there will be another on in 5 minutes. Then this girl in the cabin interjected '10 minutes, it's 10 minutes.' I was like, 'I'm pretty sure its 5'. She insisted it was 10, so I let it go and waited... for the announcement. After the monorail took off, the announcement went off, and her mum was like 'see, it was 5 minutes'. She was like 'it was 10 before' and I interrupted 'Well its 5 now bitch!' She got served. And .. we got kicked out of sea world. Nah, not really, it just sounds more dramatic that way.

Worth mentioning - Kadz on the Superman Roller Coaster. She is terrified of heights, she just screamed and held on the whole way. What a trooper. She is also terrified of water, which makes me feel like I did better than our 1st anniversary last year, when I took her para-sailing and cliff-snorkling.

Anyways... that was some stuff from my holiday here are some jokes I thought of while I was away:

Does anyone else feel like a junkie when they're standing on a street corner with their phone trying to get a GPS fix? Come on man.. I just need 2 satellites so I can get home.

I'm an Om-nivore. I eat vegetables and Hindus.

I used to have a soul mate, but then I sold my soul to the devil, so.. now they're soul mates.

Any store is a convenience store if they sell what you want and you are near it. Say, do you know where I can buy a LED Sign that says BOB? Try that convenience store right behind you.

I like to dress like a bum, cause sometimes when I'm in the city, people just give me money. Yep, I'm moonlighting as a homeless person. I have to claim it as 2nd income too, I got taxed $2.70 on $6.40. That's fucked up.

I started cycling to work, it gets cold sometimes and my eyes tear up. It must look weird to non-cyclists. 'Look, there goes another cyclist... omg, he's crying too...they must be tears of joy from all that fuel he's saving.. I wanna be a cyclist too!'

I told my friend that I started cycling to work, you know, to get in shape. He suggested I try swimming, so I did, and it is WAY more difficult... especially during peak hour traffic.

Peace,
Mikey

p.s.

I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I didnt so, I just back dated it. I hope no one notices.

Hey Guys (when I say guys, i mean, people and mean it as a term including girls which makes it unnecessary for me to say guys and girls as I mean't it in an asexual way),

Even though some of you cheated.. you know who you are.. I will be posting blogs from now on, every Sunday. Which is tomorrow.. so until then, enjoy another non blog post about posting blogs :)

Peace,
Mikey

So... do ya?

If, when I get back from my vacation (so in 5 days), there are say.. 30 comments on this blog, then perhaps.. I will re-commit to posting jokes.

The balls are in your respective courts.

Mikey

Hey All,

Firstly, I'd like to say.. Hi. Hi.

I have been co-running a comedy room with my friend Chris Strickland (it's his room, I help him out). Anyways, last night he was the MC so I had to manage the room, and guess what... half way through the day, we got a call from some people who wanted us to host a very special guest.. I don't want to give away who it was (looks up at the blog subject line)... but it was Chris Rock!

Also, cause Chris Rock was performing, we got so many other people from a list of Aussie comedy's Who's Who show up, including Joel Osbourne, Carl Baron, The A-List team, Dave Jory, and so on. It was fantastic!

Chris Rock wanted to be discreet, so he (chris) rocked up (pun intended) with his entourage toward the end of the night, watched some of Nick Sun's performance (who was also great), then got up and performed. It was cool to see him do his thing with a smaller intimate crowd and I think it allowed him to be a more timid version of himself which was great to see.

After his perfomance, he and his crew got out of the club, as you would, fairly quickly, but in passing I shook his hand and thanked him again for stopping by our room, and I asked him if he would mind to take a photo with my Kadz, who was working on the door. He was cool with it so lucky Kadz got a pic with Chris Rock. Incidently, I met Chris Rock in NY when I used to live there. I was at a comedy club with my mother who was visiting from Australia, and she too has a picture with him.

On a totally different note, my dad called me up to tell me about an ancient computer they found in Greece. I wikipedia'd it up and it was pretty interesting to read about it (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antikythera_mechanism) but one part bothered me, where they spoke about a poem verse written by an ancient Greek lyrical poet that went a little like this:

"The animated figures stand

Adorning every public street

And seem to breathe in stone, or

Move their marble feet."

Now the poet, Pindar, is assumed to have lived at around 522 BC. If this is the case, why the hell does the poem rhyme in English?! I guess he was ahead of his time...

Pindar's Agent: I don't understand what it says, but it's beautiful!
Pindar: One day my friend, you will... maybe in about 1000 years.

Cheers,

Mikey

I was looking for info on cheap usb thumb drives from Indonesia, and I came across this 2006 article about military thumb drives getting lost: http://redtape.msnbc.com/2006/04/military_thumb_.html

In the article they say:

"This week, it appears the U.S. military has lost control of a series of similar tiny thumb drives, with far more serious implications. According to a story first reported by the Los Angeles Times, drives sold at street markets in Bagram, Afghanistan, contain intimate details on everything from U.S. soldiers to secret informants. Data that, in the wrong hands, could easily lead to murder."

Now, forgive my ignorance, but if the drives are being sold in Afghani market places, are they not already in the wrong hands?

"Data that, in the wrong hands, could easily lead to murder." Or in the hands of an Afgani marketer, could lead to a few dollars.

Are these people retarded?

Thanks,
Mikey

Hey everyone,

I'm thinking about moving from Australia either back to NY or maybe to Canada (Montreal).

What do you guys think?

Cheers,
Mikey

Hey there friends and people,

I've added some new songs to my profile.

One is a parody of the song Pictures of You by the Last Good Night.

The other is a song written by a friend of mine Hung Hua Ji.
It is a song to raise money for the China Earthquake.
His English isn't so good, so try not to laugh at him.. too much.
It's called Broken Groun.

Cheers,
Mikey

p.s.

I have also written a Facebook song, and I'll put it on here as soon as I have some music for it.

Here is something different from what I usually write:

Bush said the other day on the news that "Rice is running out", which I interpret to mean "we're going to war with China". I mean, thats what they did with Iraq right? They said "oil is running out" and then war.

Ok, they didnt use those exact words, they said weapons of mass destruction, but we know now that it means the same thing.

I'll tell you what though, I'm not looking forward to eating rice at Chinese restaurants and paying like $50 a bowl, and fried rice will be even more expensive, why? Cause it has oil in it too.

Peace,
Mikey

*Exact quotes may differ