Hello peeps, back after a bit of a long spell on active duty. Been on a bit of a Mediterranean cruise down with the lads in a RN boat. Bit of a diplomatic incident that had to be dealt with. They're always the worst.

Just as Greece was starting to settle down after the forest fires, seems like one of our minor officials got caught, al fresco with trousers around ankles and a wistful demeanour. Don't think the locals minded particularly it's just that a Fleet Street Johnny got a bit of a whiff of a story, so the offender had to be spirited away before the hack got the full s.p., and any more ruminants started looking worried. Public school education hey ! So there was your hero in the dead of night clambering on shore from a rubber dingy in a damage limitation exercise. Damned me if the said dinghy didn't spring a leak. Luckily I'd got my copy of 101 Things To Do With Taramasalata in my rucksack. Never travel without it. To cut a long story short disgraced official plucked from olive grove in the early hours, three days later we're back in Blighty, he's now on light duties, and I'm being de-briefed by Moneypenny. It's a hard life.

Daz and Tide wait for no man.

Wilbert seems to have this great money making scheme going, but then hasn't he always had something on the go:

"This has NEVER been done before, EVER - until now..

I'm a part of a most amazing earning opportunity right now that I think you need to be in on it – I can cut you in 50-50. This fantastic product has just become available. It's the next big thing. Crotch-less Spatulas. Get in now before market saturation. Please don't hesitate to email me. I love to receive emails, especially if it's about this great new opportunity. You can expect my full Support..."

Wilbert, I should hang on to your support, just in case the bottom falls out of the Crotch-less Spatula market !

Priority alert two yesterday stop

Still waiting to be stood down stop

I hate a number two that hangs around for days stop

Float like a butterfly, sting like soap in your eye.

Communication from London Circus yesterday: 069 crabtree stop establish safe house in north stop

The question is: Where the hell am I going to find someone to fit airbags to a 1950's semi in Doncaster ? Huh ! Civil servants !