apparently i did something karmatically amazing and have been blessed with the raddest mom ever.  and a few years ago, she decided to implement a tradition between us of attending plays at the alley in downtown.  and really, its been such an amazing gift from her-- i LOVE LOVE that we have that time together.

so last night, we attended the alley's performance of "sherlock holmes and the crucifer of blood".

i was kind of skeptical that a sherlock holmes story would be queer because anything i saw on pbs in the past confirmed that for me.

THIS PLAY WAS AWESOME!!!

sherlock is injecting cocaine...there's murder...opium dens...deception...!!!

it was NOT the bbc sherlock i knew.  i'm totally reading the series now....he's a rebellious kind of detective.

go see the play--you won't regret it.

and my mom is fucking rock and roll.

i am going to very shamefully admit that i am a cable news junkie.  particularly CNN.  i know its not the truth, people.  i KNOW that the reliability of their news accuracy is zero...but i have a problem and need my daily fix of flashy, laser-sound-effect news.  i need a life coach, we all know this.

however! as much as i love the inaccurate b.s. spewed from channel 26 on comcast... i truly....TRULY....hate clark howard.

for those of you that have a life and don't waste your time on cable news....clark howard is a cnn personality that recently got a slot "in these troubling financial times" on cnn's lineup. 

his SCHTICK is that he is the most frugal motherfucker in the contiguous 50.  he has a program where he wears a headset (that i assume was invented by tesla because it is ridiculously large and unnecessary) and answers all of us common folks' financial dilemnas.  he's a low rent suze orman.

and every week, he wears a faded polo shirt, some cheap ass looking khaki dockers...a $2 haircut from supercuts...TSO wire frame glasses....you get the idea.  cnn lays it on thick that he cuts corners in every aspect of his life.  his stylist dresses him to project an image that he is the most penny pinching tight asshole non-jew on cnn.

i'm not buying it.

for a man to have his OWN cnn time slot...i can't believe that he's this frugal coupon-cutting wizard they want us to believe.  my cynicism AND my common sense calls 'fraud'.  you don't get your OWN cnn show by chronicling your devotion to kmart and the dollar store.  these things just don't happen.  cheap people don't get their own television shows.   rich people that create a 'cheap' facade/gimick get their own show.

in fact, i'm sure that the minute taping is over and the production assistant says "that's a wrap!"  that clark howard walks off set to his team of personal assistants who promptly adorn him with his mink coat and pat his face with a fresh cashmere towel.    after his glow is absorbed, he is escorted by a team of overpaid security to a tricked out bentley with spinning rims that chauffers him to his mcmansion in the ATL (home of cnn).  and the spiteful skeptic in me says that this mcmansion is adorned in marble and gilded gold bathroom fixtures. and only evian pours from the taps of his donald-trumpesque excuse for a home.

every other man-anchor on cnn wears a suit everyday...and speak in a voice befitting of a grown man.  clark howard's gimick is to sport the faded golf tee, the supercuts hair, and he delivers his money saving jew message in the most pubescent voice you can imagine.  i seriously think he purposely cracks his voice just to come off as non-intimidating.  if someone with the voice of james earl jones told the average man how to save money--  that common american male might take offense.  if someone that sounds like alfalfa tells the typical alpha male how to save a dime--  its safe to assume that budweiser drinking american male is rest assured that this pip squeak has no dominance over his masculinity and he'll give a listen to what this non-threatening sage has to say.

I'M NOT BUYING IT AND EVERY TIME I SEE CLARK HOWARD, MY HOMICIDAL INSTINCTS ARE TRIGGERED.

i wish that before people went after anderson cooper's sexuality or katie couric's ability to carry cbs evening news....that someone would do an expose on clark howard's bullshit persona and prove that he wipes his ass with hundred dollar bills and drinks only from a golden pimp goblet.  he and my loved/hated cnn are exploiting the opportunity to create a persona that is a blatant fraud in this psuedo-recession.  i want to see his house, his car, his shoes, his watch, AND his financial portfolio....cause i smell a well produced lie.

obviously, this has been a bone of contention poking me for a while.  its rare that i will dedicate PARAGRAPHS to a topic...but i really feel like my intelligence was insulted with this CHARACTER created by cnn.  and if i wasn't a shameful HLN junkie before...now i'm really starting to re-evaluate my life when they expect me to believe his dog and pony show.

down with clark howard.  i'm starting a movement.   humor me.  nod, smile and look concerned or we're not friends.

down with clark howard!!!

*disclaimer for too much time on my hands.