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SIR MALACHI

Louis Papp


Last Updated: 7/6/2009

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Monday, July 06, 2009 

Category: News and Politics

FROM THE FIRST BOOK OF DEMOCRAT -   PSALM 2008-2012


OBAMA IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE LEADETH ME BESIDE THE STILL FACTORIES.
HE RESTORETH MY FAITH IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE GUIDETH ME IN THE PATH OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THRU THE VALLEY OF THE  BREAD LINE, 
I SHALL NOT GO HUNGRY.
OBAMA HAS ANOINTED MY INCOME WITH TAXES.
MY EXPENSES RUNNETH OVER MY INCOME.
SURELY, POVERTY AND HARD LIVING WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF HIS TERM.
FROM HENCE FORTH, WE WILL LIVE ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES 
IN A  RENTED HOME WITH AN OVERSEAS LANDLORD.
BUT I AM GLAD I AM AN AMERICAN,  I AM GLAD THAT I AM FREE. 
BUT I WISH I WAS A DOG AND OBAMA WAS A TREE.

Today's Quote:
  "Too many Americans grew tired of being thought to be dumb by the rest of the world,
So they went to the polls and removed all doubt."

6:22 PM 
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Wednesday, July 01, 2009 

Category: Life
DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some Cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
5:15 AM 
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Saturday, June 27, 2009 

Category: Life




SENIOR DRESS CODE

Many of us 'Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young' , we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations

DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Mini skirts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a walker

And, Most importantly

 

 

 

At some point you have to give up the

'DAISY DUKE' shorts






3:29 PM 
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009 

Category: Life
A Blonde's Year in Review 

January 
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. 

February 
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... 
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! 

March 
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said ' 2-4 years!' 

April 
Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!! 

May 
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of  
water won't fit into those little packets!!! 

June 
Tried to go water skiing....couldn't find a lake with a slope.  

July 
Lost breast stroke swimming competition..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! 

August 
Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.

September  
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it? 

October 
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. 

November  
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! 

December 

Couldn't call 911. 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!! 




THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR 

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. 

S he opened it then slammed it shut andstormed back in the house.  

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again,opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back int o the house she went. 

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came o ut again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. 

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' 

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!' 
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)





' My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'  
1:45 PM 
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 


http://hubpages.com/hub/GRIEVANCES

GEORGE CARLIN - COMPLAINTS AND GRIEVANCES ~ NEW DVD Current Bid: $11.99 ...

A NEW BLOG POST. THIS IS WAS SAID BY PAT BUCHANAN!

10:36 PM 
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 

Category: Life
If any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which taps was played; this brings out a new meaning of it. Here is something Every American should know. Until I read this, I didn't know, but I checked it out and it's true: We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, 'Taps.' It's the song that gives us the lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes. But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be interested to find out about its humble beginnings. Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War, when Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in Virginia . The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of land. During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his encampment. When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead. The Captain lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier It was his own son. The boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army. The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status. His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the funeral. The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician. The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's uniform. This wish was granted. The haunting melody, we now know as 'Taps' used at military funerals was born. The words are: Day is done. Gone the sun. From the lakes From the hills. From the sky. All is well. Safely rest. God is nigh. Fading light. Dims the sight. And a star. Gems the sky. Gleaming bright. From afar. Drawing nigh. Falls the night. Thanks and praise. For our days. Neath the sun Neath the stars. Neath the sky As we go. This we know. God is nigh I too have felt the chills while listening to 'Taps' but I have never seen all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than one verse . I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if you had either so I thought I'd pass it along. I now have an even deeper respect for the song than I did before. Remember Those Lost and Harmed While Serving Their Country. Also Remember Those Who Have Served And Returned; and for those presently serving in the Armed Forces. Please send this on after a short prayer. Make this a Prayer wheel for our soldiers...please don't break it . I didn't!
3:38 PM 
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 

Category: Life
One day , the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip , the father asked his son , "How was the trip?"
"It was great , Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah , " said the son.
"So , tell me , what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool  that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us , but they serve others.
We buy our food , but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us , they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added ,   "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have , especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
"Life is too short and friends are too few."
3:29 PM 
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
Holy Prostitutes

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a
sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without
second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives
past
a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the
far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to
the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in
a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
possibly doing business.....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door
and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers
the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go
fhrough the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through
the door pulling it shut behind him

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
2:59 AM 
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Monday, June 22, 2009 

Category: Life

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.   
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.   
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. 
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. 
  
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. 
Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been?   
Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. 
  
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. 
  
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 
  
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." 
  
 "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. 
  
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha. 
  
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. 
  
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. 
  
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. 
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen." 
  
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." 
  
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. 
  
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! 
You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!" 
  
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
10:33 PM 
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Sunday, June 21, 2009 

Category: Life
Indian Mating Season

Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo ! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us.'

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'from deep inside.  He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' 
Like the others, he then heard an answering call,'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
 
 
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he   raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...

(Get ready, this will kill ya),


NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN
6:03 PM 
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