Now that we have seen pitches from Nintendo, Microsoft and Sony, we can take a step back and judge who had the best floor-time at E3.

Microsoft had a reasonably good conference. I have to say that I was impressed with the improvements that they are going to be making to the Dashboard system, as the existing 'blade navigation' is a little like a Pandora box at times. Looking for content at times (particularly older DLC) can leave you feeling like you're searching for the 'Crystal Skull' rather than 'that Boston track you like from Rock Band'.

The games being showcased by Microsoft and their affiliates were not too bad either! Gears of War 2's gameplay looked amazing, which was relieving, as I personally thought that it was not going to be dramatically different from the original. Turns out however, there's enough chainsawing, explosions and mind blowing in-game events to keep you coming back for more!

Fallout 3 looks reasonably good but I cannot see it being a HUGE seller. Considering how rubbish the first two were…people might not want to even bother with a third, even though it is radically different.

Square's announcement of the 360 bound Final Fantasy XIII, was of course, the reason behind the internet exploding. Now, I'm no 360/PS3/Wii fanboy or anything but this came as a massive surprise to me, no doubt. Here we have one of the Playstation 3's biggest, thought-to-be 'exclusive titles' being announced to appear on their closest rival's system. Final Fantasy XIII was one of the exclusive titles, besides Metal Gear Solid 4, which justified the purchase of a PS3 for most gamers out there. For one of these massive titles to appear on the cheaper system is just…insane! Especially on launch day! It would at least merit a little sense if PS3 owners, who have been following the game's progress very closely, would be able to play it first!
Final Fantasy should be an amazing game but as a 360 owner, I cannot help but feel sorry for those who bought a PS3 in order to play the next installment in the FF series…they could have saved a lot of money!

Now onto the Nintendo E3 offering!

The Wii is a family oriented play-thing…I think everyone can admit this now. Sure, there's a few games like Super Mario Galaxy, No More Heroes, Super Smash Bros. and Twilight Princess that can be hailed as 'classic videogames'. However, these titles did NOT take the Nintendo Wii to the summit of its unbelievable success. Games like Wii Sports, Wii Fit and Wii Play have and nobody can really deny that.

Anyway! This of course explains why Nintendo are going gimmick crazy this year at the Electronic Entertainment Expo! Wii Music will surely have the entire family going bonzo gonzo simulating various 'instruments' with their Wiimote/nunchuck combination! There is also no doubt that the general audience for the Wii will be fascinated with the prospect of Jet-Skiing with the Wii-board and…Wiimote handlebar!? The announcement of a Wii-Sports sequel will also have store clerks worldwide going nuts over supply and demand issues come Christmas time for certain!

From a gamer's point of view…Nintendo's line-up did not excite me at all. Aren't we all waiting for an actual Wii Zelda title still…instead of a Gamecube port!? Or even a home-console port of Pokemon! The Japanese market would go crazy for that! There would be no doubt that European and North American market would like it to become a reality too!

Perhaps the future of Nintendo is all for family friendly, interactive entertainment and that we will soon witness timeless characters such as Mario and Link become sideshow attractions as…say…retro fitness instructors for Wii Fit: Extreme!? Who knows for certain…I certainly hope we see more REAL games from the true kings of gaming.

Last but certainly not least - we arrive at Sony's presentation. This was a bit of a disappointment to be honest, as nothing really made a big impact this year. Before E3 even kicked off this year, I predicted that Sony might have heavily endorsed the release of Final Fantasy XIII as their Trojan horse, riding fiercely into the next generation console battle! But since Microsoft stole their thunder, they failed to even mention the treacherous title.

Instead, Sony decided to pump as much excitement as they possibly could into the technically sound Little Big Planet…which has been making waves ever since it was debuted. The trailer for Resistance 2 seemed…a tad…'work in progress' for my liking however. The first game was very impressive but the sequel's footage shown at this year's conference seemed to be a waste of time, as it clearly was not ready for a showcase.

After all that could be said about two of the only exclusive games in their arsenal, they decide to take…a step back!? Wait…a major step back - who on Earth wants to hear about what's in store for the Playstation 2!? Aren't we supposed to be looking towards the next generation now!? I mean we're two years into it now. It does, however, seem like a wise tactic by Sony…believe it or not. Instead of taking all the heat and humiliation of not having much in store for their new console, they have decided to focus on their most successful console to date. There is no doubt about it. The PS2 was their crowning achievement and really cemented Sony on the gaming map.

The sudden resurgence of the Playstation 2 is like the KISS comeback tour…or y'know, the Atari 2600 effect! Remember how the beast that was the Atari 5200 bombed and Atari, like the clever buggers they are, decided to go back to their most successful system, knowing full well they were sinking? Well I believe history may repeat itself here…afterall…it's not as if developers would complain about producing PS2 games again…most Wii games can be easily ported to and from it anyway.

…okay, so that all seems a tad unlikely but I can see the PS2 being given a few big titles to keep it afloat as back-up!

As for Sony's HOME system…how long have we been waiting for this to become available? Is it worth the wait? That's up to the customer…but personally, I'm going to play games, buy dvd's and talk to my friends the good ol' fashioned way if you don't mind. I could not care less for HOME if I tried.

I think my rant is over lol

Drugs are lethal. Drugs ruin the lives of the people who abuse them and thus also effecting everyone around them. A majority of drugs are illegal, which in turn, reduces the chance of high circulation. preventing the country from spiralling into chaos and disorder. Yet one of the most problematic drugs known to man is legal and ready to purchase at any off-license or local supermarket. This drug, is alcohol, which is most commonly referred to as 'booze', 'bevy' or 'drink' amongst most social groupings.

Alcohol is a drug enjoyed by the masses as drinking it makes people feel relaxed, happy and even euphoric. However, excessive alcohol consumption can also have detrimental social and psychological consequences and is also linked with a wide range of illnesses including the heightened risk of mouth cancer.

Why is alcohol considered an acceptable drug? It is a mind-altering drug yet it is not perceived as such, no matter the social grouping. It seems to span the generations.

Young people view alcohol as a boost to their confidence and social status. However, it is common for teenagers and young adults to disregard the serious ramifications of its effects through higher intake, or regular consumption. The Youth culture, like many others, perceive alcohol as a 'safe drug' that can improve their quality of life. As long as the drug is legal and readily available in every high street, this misconception is not likely to change and therefore the dangerous short-term as well as long-term effects will continue to be ignored.



Many young women in Britain are' binge drinking' and this is the group who are most sexually active and thus the most likely to have unplanned pregnancies. As well as posing a risk to themselves, they could, in turn, be risking the health of an unknown, unborn offspring. This leads to a series of problems occurring with the growing foetus including birth defects, physiological disorders and in extreme cases, can even lead to the untimely death of the child.

Through scepticism, women who drink whilst knowingly pregnant believe that a few glasses of wine a week is not harmful to their unborn child. This is simply, not true. According to a recent study conducted by the Mail on Sunday, even one glass of wine could damage the development of a growing foetus. This came as a shock to women who believed it was fine to drink in moderation during pregnancy.

'Many women avoid taking aspirin and eating soft cheese, eggs and pate during pregnancy - but that's just based on theoretical risk. Yet they think it's OK to have a glass of wine, when the evidence against alcohol is strong. That doesn't make sense' - The Mail on Sunday

Since this study, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence has issued new guidelines on drinking throughout pregnancy.



Middle aged groupings are no different, as they too ignore the intoxicating long term effects of the substance, as they glamorise alcohol by using it as a complimentary form of acceptance to social events or gatherings. This is especially common for those who are part of the United Kingdom's growing 'wine culture'. This is a grouping of people who seem to be enthralled with the history and taste of different wines from all around the world. Most take great pride in their enthusiasm for the grape crushed beverage, which is, of course, still a drug no matter how one might romanticise it.

For all the advertising, which is behind 'drinking responsibly' and the 'Challenge 21 initiative', there is still enough marketing behind the legal, mind altering drug, which influences the masses to completely ignore the warnings. For example, alcohol is still heavily advertised in Football across the United Kingdom, which is of course, 'the nation's favourite sport' and therefore a great influence on a national level.

As you walk along a busy street in any town or city throughout the UK, it is almost a certainty that you are going to pass by more than a couple of people wearing their favourite team's official football strip. This, of course has no focus on any particular group of gender nor age group, as yet again, Football is loved by a great majority of Britain's population. This would include men, women and children. It is puzzling to see a child bearing a strip of his or her favourite team with a logo for a harmful drug spread blatantly across the chest area. Personally, I believe that this is yet another fault, which leads towards the overall consensus that alcohol is looked upon as an acceptable drug.

In theory, if an illegal drug such as cannabis was substituted for alcohol in either one of the scenario's mentioned, then the general reaction to it would be much different. For example, if a child walked down a busy street with the picture of a marijuana cigarette on his football shirt, then people would be appalled. If a woman decided to inject an illegal drug into her veins during her pregnancy, most would be mortified. This is commonly referred to as the 'forbidden fruit' effect and it is astonishing how many people overlook alcohol as a drug, which is as damaging as any other mind-altering substance because of its legality and social acceptance.



Since the government tax, allow the sale of, and have no laws regarding the advertising of alcohol throughout the United Kingdom, the problem will remain the same unless dramatic changes are made in the near future.

(Idonotendorseevilfascistbastardsthemailonsunday)

For those unfortunate enough to have not heard of Screwattack.com, it is a popular videogame related website, which showcases original and entertaining mini-shows and segements aimed at an audience consisting  of videogame ethusiasts. The site is a popular source of retro gaming reviews and has built a very strong community over the past 2 years of online activity. A feat, which is not easy for an independant website to generate in such a short period of time

Launched in 2006, ScrewAttack originally started with just one program – SideScrollers, which was a Podcast available to download or stream, back when such things were popular amongst fanatics of anything that’s new in the world of technology...or anything that’s new, white and shiny really (The iPod and Wii are prime examples of the irrational human behaviour known as ’wasting one’s money on crap’) The Podcast was hosted by a dynamic duo who went by the names ’Stuttering Craig’ and ’Handsome Tom’. The show was considered a ’hit’ by the amount of visitors their website recieved within the first few months (although in net terms, this probably meant some lone person posted an online blog, which would link people to the site via attachment) Due to this storming ’1337’ success, the pair of potential no-hopers struck gold by introducing videos to the website through the wonders of flash players and youtube (which ironically is the medium, which people moved on to not long after podcasting was introduced) Craig and Tom hosted their own amateurisitc, yet very entertaining shows. One particular reoccuring aspect, which they would focus on however, were the videogames of the distant past and by concentrating on retro videogames, this was the one quality of the website, which would make Screwattack shine brighter than any other fan-made website on the internet based on the gaming industry. Screwattack stood out like a crotch in a pair of Chino’s. The decision to highlight the highs and lows of nostalgic videogames was a stroke of genuis, as these forgotten best sellers of yesteryear could now be presented in such a way, which was unheard of back in the days where one would rely dependantly on the opinion of magazine writers and photographs.



Stuttering Craig and Handsome Tom would eventually allow other users to post their own material for the site and would even go on to host individual ’channels’ to showcase their seperate material into a category of their own. One of the phenomenal successes of this system was of course, the infamous ’Angry Videogame Nerd’, who is to this date, still the most viewed show on Screwattack.com and is ranked 3 on Youtube’s most subscribed videos of all time, which is an insane achievement, considering how many videos are posted on youtube each and every single hour of the day.



With the help of the cursing, foul yet pleasantly insightful Angry Videogame Nerd and of course other Screwattack favourites such as Captain ’S’ and ’Game Jew’, Tom and Craig continued to expand their horizons by keeping their growing community as happy and as entertained as possible by making the decision to host daily content and eventually, even set up their own merchandise for their fanatics to show their support towards the Screwattack cause.



The one thing you have to admire about websites created from the ground up, like Screwattack is their amazing ’give, take’ relationship that they share with the community based around them. Without the viewers, they wouldn’t get as many hits and they realise that website ’hits’ can go a long way, especially if you want to consider turing a hobbie into a business. For so long, Screwattack have given their ’G1’s’ (the name given to their fans) a hell of a lot and in return, they have recieved praise through the form of donations and funding through merchandise.

But of course, nothing like this can ever hope to last forever. For once you get so high on the ladder to success, you or someone else will always feel the need to reach the peak, no matter the cost. It’s human nature.



This brings us to recent times and Screwattack.com is now an affiliate of an even larger community known as Gametrailers.com, a website, which just recently, landed its own TV time in America. This is a huge achievement and with Screwattack being one of Gametrailers.com’s key partners, it is an astonishing oppertunity to get themselves noticed on a national level.

Stuttering Craig, was the first to suggest that Screwattack expands to broadcast television. Striking whilst the iron is hot can be a massive risk in this situation but it’s a case of whoever dares, wins in today’s industry. The Stuttering one felt like the time was now. Unfortunately for him however, the Handsome one, did not.

On March 7, 2008, "Handsome" Thomas Hanley announced that he was leaving ScrewAttack over co-creator "Stuttering" Craig Skistimas’ decision to register the company without input from Hanley. Details of the events leading up to Hanley’s departure haven’t been entirely revealed, but according to a recent edition of the SideScrollers podcast, the stuttering one revealed that he made the decision to register the company without Hanley’s knowledge or approval. According to Hanley, he had requested times in the past that the both of them register the company together, as they were partners in creating and running ScrewAttack, to which Skistimas would reply, ’No, let’s wait’. Skistimas, in his opinion, stated that Hanley was no longer ’pulling his own weight’, and that for the company to grow, things had to happen.

Hanley and Skistimas have been best friends for years and for their friendship to end like this is an absolute shame and a great loss to the gaming communities of both Gametrailers and Screwattack.

This just makes one wonder if Screwattack will ever be the same after such a blow to its regular and well-recognised line-up. Tom and Craig bounced off one another very well but one is led to believe that Mr. Hanley did not provide enough bread for the table behind the scenes. For a company as fragile and weak as Screwattack to grow into a bigger and stronger source of media and entertainment, it has to make decisions quickly and press on heavily with production. It would seem that from this standpoint, Mr. Hanley decided to stop oiling his own cogs and decided to take his ball and go home.

The future of Screwattack is uncertain. With its own affiliates The Angry Videogame Nerd and Captain S becoming much more independant, it appears as if it might eventually end up losing its two biggest draws in terms of figures of hits. It is just a crying shame that whenever you strongly believe you can work with your friends in any position of self-employment that you always end up on two opposite ends of a disagreement of power.

*Due to the recent events concerning the writers strike, the 2007 Pit Awards has been cancelled*

...yeah, like I'm a fucking writer. Don't worry! There's still some material left to review/blast from the previous year despite the strike!

The year 2007 will best be remembered as the year, which looked great on paper. The previews, predictions and promises were described as 'off the chart' by most who anticipated the events of 2007 from an entertainment standpoint. However, in retrospect, we, the paying customers, undeservingly had the most disappointing line up of empty promises and overrated, manufactured hype that we have witnessed in decades.

The list of unfufillments of 2007 are near endless from; the pitiful launch of the Playstation 3 and it's lack of exclusive gaming software, to Nintendo still not being able to keep up with demand for their two respective consoles, the Wii and the DS Lite, the proclaimed 'Biggest Summer of Film', which delivered more style than substance but thankfully less Nick Cage, and of course the music scene leaving us all with a dusty 'repeat' button on our CD players! The point is that nothing stood out as far as popular consensus was concerned. It may have been possible to write an article based on the best material that emitted from the past 12 months but that does not necessarily mean that everyone was aware of the gold, buried deep in the sea of hot bubbling shit that was Naughty-Seven.

Lucky for you all however, I happen to have a shovel, a scuba mask and clothes-peg.

Best Film of 2007

As was mentioned previously, much was promised on the movie front for our previous summer season. The only problem was that most of, if not all of the movies hyped and advertised as epic, money spinning, box office smash hits turned up short and thus disappointed a lot of popcorn fanatics in the process.
     This really should not have been the case at all, as Hollywood were given success on a silver platter. In the short run, they were successful in drawing ticket sales and topping box office records...however, seeing as most of the films 'sucked' to be blatantly crude, the DVD sales suffered, therefore they were not able to capitalise fully on their investment franchises. The lack of quality was staggering.
    To depict a few briefly; Shrek 3 was a phone in performance, Spiderman 3 was just way too busy in terms of plot and not to mention villains, Pirates of the Caribbean 'At World's End' might as well have been dubbed an 'expansion pack' for 'Dead Man's Chest', Harry Potter 'Order of the Phoenix' seemed like a rushed production and lets not even mention the Simpsons 'direct to dvd' effort, which somehow managed to take up the diameters of a big screen.

Picking the best film of 2007 was a tough nut to swallow. It was more like a bolt...or a door hinge. However, I would have to award the honour to a movie, which not only made me gut laugh yet also restore my faith in British film and comedy. Hot Fuzz was the best film of the year.



Hot Fuzz not only delivered as far as comedy stretched but it also oozed one of the most amazing (and not to mention over the top) 'who dunnit' plots that I have seen in a long time. The story of an over-achieved ex London Metropolitan Police Officer suddenly being projected into the strange yet simple village of Sanford was a joy to watch unfold and the casting was exceptional. The dedication of the actors to their roles was key to the success of this unlikely mix of British cop action and dramatic, almost science fictional twists. Personally, ex-James Bond actor Timothy Dalton would have been the most unlikely actor to ever cast as a lead villain, yet he fits the character of the cunning shop floor manager Simon Skinner perfectly. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, being the glue that holds a film as diverse as this together, also display amazing dedication to their characters, and they are a fantastic double act and always have been throughout their careers.

Hot Fuzz was a 'hot ticket' or at least should have been. A film, which is still definitely worth a purchase, Hot Fuzz would have contributed some truth to the dubbed 'Summer of Film'.


Best Television Show of 2007

Television shows have not been generating a great amount of interest as of late, as many of you may realise, as you find yourself describing to your friends about what you did *instead* of sitting down and watching the tube most days. This is because there is nothing that everyone can really get into as a collective lately. The world of television has turned into a mass collection of cult taste, which obviously only draw the viewers who are interested. However, as expectations for a hopeful series rise in the hearts of those who happen to follow them, most seemed to fall flat in 2007.
Shows like 24, Lost and Heroes for example are not everyone's 'cup of tea' but still, the producers/writers managed to somehow lose the plot, whilst developing the story of each show respectively. It is usually the case that if one show happens to stumble, then the others will gain significantly higher viewers through those 'jumping ship' for a change of scenery (in other words - 'what else is on!') However, it seems that channel surfing may as well be recognised as an official worldwide sport now because no long-running series seems to be holding onto their fan base with an iron fist at all.

All this negativity must be leading towards some sort of televised saving grace though, right? Well you would be wrong, as personally, I have decided to award the best television show honour to those who have grown sick of it all and...well...tried it themselves!



Youtube, being more of a internet channel rather than a show, has arguably drawn more viewers than any broadcast television show over the past year and yet, the number of those discovering youtube is still growing. With the space of only ten minutes for each uploaded video, it is seen as a real test for some serious amateur producers to showcase their work but they have nevertheless succeeded in creating an entertaining portal of well...anything! From reality pieces, to political opinions, to fiction, to music, to hilarious editing, to extreme sports - Youtube has everything you could ever want to sit down and watch as a viewer.
Collectively, we have managed to create a very new and exciting form of media through exploitation of new media. It is so ironic that such an innovative method of broadcasting media, which was of course designed to reach new audiences and thus generate more interest (interest = money) has in fact completely backfired on big producers and companies due to public media sharing.
It is true that Youtube has a handful of sponsored material, especially on its main page. However, the interest in the original material created by…well…us, seems to be far more popular, especially towards the cult Internet groups such as 4Chan and Encyclopediadramatica, who seem to provide the most entertaining content based on both real life situations and the occasional ridiculous tabloid news story.

TIME Magazine eat your heart out. Now before I sound like I'm being paid to say all of this however, I shall move on...


Best Album of 2007



(Now before you accuse me of being bias towards my 'hometown heroes' - read on and give me a chance to explain)

This award was an absolute no contest considering the albums that have been released this year. Not only was Biffy Clyro 'Puzzle' one of the only chart titles to not consist of either wannabe singers mimicing along to other people's songs (X-Factor winners and runner ups) or dance remakes of...other people's songs...but it was also the only solid album to emerge from 2007's line up, which has more than 3 tracks that one can listen to without being treated to filler material.
There were a couple of rock albums released, which had a lot of new, exciting material such as the Foo Fighters and even The Rolling Stones with 'Rolling Gold'. However, the main factor, which made Biffy Clyro's album the dominant record, was that it had such dangerously daring diversity. So much so that you would not expect the album to work at all with so many conflicting styles thrown into an album consisting of 13 songs. However, Biffy at this stage in their musical careers are ready to take on any challenge and are one of the only bands in a long time, both in the studio and live on stage, where you can sense this raw determination.
Biffy Clyro were not concentrating on coming in 1st place in anybody's list...all they cared about was breaking through and finally being noticed on a global scale. They came very close to first however, as their album Puzzle hit the Number 2 slot in the UK album charts a couple of weeks after its release. Not bad at all. In any case, it a phenomenal effort from Biffy, which gives music fans a rewarding future to look forward to if there is more of the same thing to come.


Best videogame of 2007


2007 may have been a very bad year for film, music and even television but it will always be fondly remembered for its contribution to the world of videogames…even if half the developers could not keep up with demand.

The only massive letdown in 2007 was of course the Playstation 3's release back in March, which was less than extraordinary. Something you wouldn't expect to say in the same sentence as 'Playstation', seeing as how Sony's machine has remained the top selling console of the past decade previous to the release of the latest version. The console itself, however, is not exactly at fault. The licensing however, is a big problem. What is the point in releasing a console with no exclusive games, which are worth buying? Most titles, which have been released on the PS3 thus far can also be picked up for Microsoft's Xbox 360, usually months before they are even play tested on the PS3. The reason for this, is that the new technology is still a little complicated for developers to get used to…as it was for the Xbox 360 in the beginning. However, the difference being is that the 360 was released at least a year and a half previously to the PS3 and so, developers have had a chance to experiment with the engine used to build great, compelling games. Ideally, since the Playstation 3 was the last console to be released in the production line, it really should have been released equipped with a whole library of exclusive titles. Instead, Sony have missed the boat and have a lot of catching up to do in the next couple of years if they ever want to get back into competition.

The Xbox 360 and Nintendo Wii consoles from a distance, were seen as the closest rivals of 2007. However, it does not take a genius to realise that the Wii (and the DS for that matter) are only popular for a handful of titles and that the console itself is seen as a toy rather than a videogames machine. In actual fact, the Wii is Nintendo's previous console, the Gamecube in disguise. The illusion is incredible. The Gamecube was a complete failure in the 2004-2006 market but rather than letting good technology go to waste, Nintendo decided to make a few tweaks here and there and managed to revamp the console to look completely amazing.

It's almost like changing rooms when they recycle clothes hangers and Christmas tree decorations to create chandeliers.

After much digressed ramblings though. Lets get to the point.

It was a fierce battle between Call of Duty 4, Halo 3 and Super Mario Galaxy for the title of 'best game' but there can only be one decisive winner and despite the Xbox 360 being the most dominant console in 2007, with its consistently amazing titles, Super Mario Galaxy for the Nintendo Wii has to be the greatest game to emerge from 2007. That is not to say that both Halo 3 and COD4 are bad however. The only reason Halo 3 and COD4 did not receive this award was that their true colours do not truly shine until you take them online with Xbox live. To be fair, not everyone has access to Xbox Live…although to be blatantly honest, not a lot of people have access to a Wii either…nevertheless, Super Mario Galaxy was the most complete package of excellency, as everything that made the game good was on the disk it came with. Not only is it one of the best (if not the best) platforming games that you will ever play but it is also one of the most fun, as well as being technically sound when it comes to its graphics and physics, which are showcased within the many different planets you visit in Mario Galaxy. Like most Nintendo games, Mario Galaxy is easy to pick up and play but difficult to master, as you progress through challenge after challenge, with each stretching your understanding of the wacky yet scarily accurate game physics to great extends throughout your adventure.



Mario Galaxy is noticeably also the first Nintendo Wii title to be released in a long period of time, which takes full advantage of the Wii stick and nunchuk. Other releases previous to Mario Galaxy just seemed to be direct ports of previous PS2 games, which used very little imagination with controls and were created for the one purpose of cashing in. Super Mario Galaxy however, has been in development since the Wii was released over a year ago now, so it was always bound to be something special. In any case, Mario Galaxy was designed to play perfectly on the Wii and give the player the feeling that they could not experience the same thing on any other console out there. By the end of the experience, many will realise that their wrists can bend in such ways they would never even deem imaginable…and that goes for those who live alone too.


Another year over and it still seems that I am mad with the world of entertainment. Things just do not seem to be getting any better despite the massive leap in technology. The term 'all flash and no substance comes to mind'.

In closing, I cannot even comment on how much I am looking forward to the year ahead of us, as it is full of uncertainty. If the writers strike continues for the rest of 2008, there may not even be a Pit Awards to write! The problem will hopefully be resolved soon but we are talking a lot of money here. In fact, if this does not beat Madeline McCann in record appearances on the headlines for the following year, I'll eat my hat...and I have a top hat!

"Y'know? I always say that a good videogame, is like a good meal. It's gotta look great, it's gotta sound great...if you want to experience the full flavour"

*Gasp followed by a sigh*



"This is me...I'm a rat. But, no, wait, I know what you're thinking! What does a rat know about good food...or good videogames for that matter! Well, if you're like me, you only want the best! Aaaaaah Laquela Saffron! Italian huh!? I meeean, it's so easy to find great videogames!"



"...but if you play Ratatouille, the sound will be terrible! The slowdown will render the game unplayable, the graphics blurry, out of focus! Ugh! Instead of a great meal, you're just going to end up playing garbage..."



"...and NOBODY with good taste plays garbage games....AAAAHHH! No, no, no, no, NO! Eject that disk right now!!!!"

*sigh*

"Don't be an absolute retard! Why settle for second best, when you could have a decent title! Now! Load the game...slooowly."



"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

As we look back on the events, which occured that Friday morning, on the eve of the madness and hysteria, which would inevitably unfold, one begins to wonder where it all went wrong and why such a horrific tragedy had to occur.

Admitidly, Colin McRae and his Rally series enjoyed one of the most successful spells in the history of videogames as an annual franchise. It would not matter which year it was for petrol heads, as long as they had an updated and improved Colin McRae sim to play before the year ended, they would be fufilled spiritually and maybe even sexually.



Colin McRae Rally, the first title in the series, was released for the PC and PlayStation platforms in late 1998 in the UK and in early 2000 in the US (would you imagine how behind the Americans were when they bought this game 2 years later? Hell, they were lucky Colin McRae wasn't dead by then or something!). Little did developers Codemasters realise, was that they were making the first step into a very successful era of their history. The game featured real cars and drivers from the 1998 World Rally Championship and Colin McRae's Subaru Impreza was featured on the game's cover. This was a massive achievement for a game to possess such quality in the late 90's but can one imagine the reception that this game would get nowadays, if it were exposed to modern day audiences? It would be slaughtered by critics and the developers would be taken to the gallows to have their tiny penises removed, as stores such as Woolies and WH Smith  induct their efforts into the bottomless pit of bargain bin hell.

Attention to detail is very important in todays gaming world of accurate statistics and real copyrighted titles and names. So much so that the average gamer will actually be put off a videogame entirely for the fact that it has no liscenes patched all over it. Why? Because they love Nike and Diet Coke so much that they want to be reminded about it in the virtual world as well as the real one they inhabit? Maybe but the answer for the majority would be that it adds to the overall realism of the title! It is imperetive that videogames are as close to real life as possible...apparently. Otherwise, it's not a good enough simiulation...this is of course why videogames such as Pro Evolution Soccer never enjoy as much success as the staggeringly insuperior FIFA series. It also gave the developers at Codemasters an uphill struggle to go beyond the boundries of liscense, as the first instalment would be the only title in the franchise to use real drivers names.

In any case, it was games like Colin McRae Rally, which set the ridiculously high standards of gamers today to an all time high. Which of course, is seen as a good thing...oddly.



However, now that they had the ball rolling, it was up to Codemasters to make sure it did not lose momentum, as there were more powerful and wealthy companies out there who were beggining to jump on the bandwagon of Rally sport videogames. This second game would feature the 1999-spec Ford Focus WRC, the 2000-spec Ford Focus WRC, Mitsubishi Lancer EVO VI Gr.A, Subaru Impreza WRC2000, Peugeot 206 WRC, Toyota Corolla WRC and Seat Cordoba WRC, among other cars. The countries included are Kenya (gravel and tarmac), Finland (gravel), UK (tarmac, mud and gravel), Sweden (snow and ice), Australia (loose pea gravel), Japan (1 stage in challenge mode), France (Corsica) (tarmac), Greece (rough gravel), and Italy (tarmac).

Despite throwing in more cars, weather effects, road surfaces and countries in to its highly anticiapated sequel, Colin McRae 2 still had its fair share of critism. Gamers began to take their first babysteps into the realm of anal over-analysis and commented that 'real life does not slow down in cold weather' (which was of course, a negative stab at the frame rate problems one would suffer from if he was to play the game with the snow weather effects enabled) and 'trees don't pop up in front of my eyes when I drive down the freeway! (again, another frame rate problem, as the draw distance had to be limited inable for the game to run smoothly)



The next title in series however, was set to change the face of Rally games forever in just about every aspect. The game would look better, as it would benefit from the power of a next generation console (This was the first Colin McRae game released for the Playstation 2, as well as the Xbox. A GameCube version was announced but never released because it was shite), it would sound better due to enhancement in Dolby Surround sound technology for improved home entertainment value and it would also be a lot tougher to get through, stretching its season mode to three years.

The series would enjoy years of success following its jump from the PsOne to a multi-format medium despite the fourth incarnation of the Colin McRae Rally series, unlike in the previous three games, having no official WRC team license.  All of the cars' liveries were either fictitious or taken from championships other than the WRC. This was seen as an even bigger blow than losing the rights to real drivers names and in the process, upset a lot of fanatics. However, it still had people playing due to the success of the previous titles and the title and presence it had gained amongst the gaming world.

After the annual update, which was Colin McRae 2005 however, the series suddenly fell off the radar and would not be seen until the next generation of console gaming. Judgement Day, was upon the game that was Colin McRae DIRT.

First of all, Colin McRae DIRT is NOT a Rally game. From the minute you start playing the game, the feeling of driving in a Rally sport world championship simulation has vanished. You are now behind the wheel of a mad-man, taking part in what seems like illegal races across barren landscapes and unsuspecting villages. DIRT is everything a Colin McRae rally fan wants to get away from. If one wanted to play a no-limits, off-road driving experience, they would have picked up a Playstation 3 controlpad and played Motorstorm, for a far more rewarding experience.

With the release of Colin McRae Rally DIRT, the series had become everything which it was striving to string away from, in an attempt to simulate the underated sport of World Rally. It was such a waste of time and effort (and not to mention bandwidth) to witness such a profilic title such as the Colin McRae series crash and burn into a firey grave. It seems as if the developers wanted to focus on the damage engine more so than on creating a unique simulation of competitive Rally races.

On a final note, just to rub DIRT in our faces, it appears as if Codemasters quite like the direction it is heading in, as they blatantly ignore the negative reactions from their trusted and once loyal fanbase, with the decision of pulling of George Lucas on the franchise and rebooting the series, to tie in with their new motives for the series. It has been quoted from a reliable source that the England-based publishers plan on 'reflecting their game development efforts to match the driver Colin McRae's lifestyle and attitude'.

The only source, which has been leaked thus far is this image courtesey of IGN...



So wait. Colin McRae wasn't ficticious? Woah, awesome, I hope he's still driving

The factors leading to war are often complicated and due to a wide range of issues, no matter how small and insignifficant they may appear to be. Wars are fought when disputes arise over issues such as territory, resources, or ideology. If a peaceful resolution fails, is not sought, or is thwarted, war will be inevitable...that is, if you live in America.

Mankind is not a perfect race. We fight each other all the time, simply because we find it impossible to love thy fellow man. Speaking as a living representative, we are the most pety and ignorant creatures in existence...of those we have discovered so far that is. However, other countries, which populate this vast ball of floating mass we call 'Earth', often find it within themselves to at least keep their needless battles of bloodshed off the radar and within their own space. America on the other hand believe that it is best to inject as much publicity and sensationalism into their feuds as much as possible, so much to the point that it becomes a form of progressionary entertainment. (Note: Tune into CNN tonight for the latest on the Iraq war - 11.00GMT Don't miss it!)

One could criticise the USA all day. From their backwards political system to their almost insane ideology but lets get straight to the core of the problem. The cause. Why are Americans turned on by Wars? What makes them spend millions and millions of money and resources into creating such a needless act of bloodshed, death, agony and dispair? The answer is simply this...

LACK. OF. FOOTBALL. (or any sport which posseses any sort of passionate following whatsoever)

It's true - the only sports American audiences sit down to enjoy on the tube or in a stadium packed with thousands of people are; American Football, which is a wussy alternative to Rugby, where every player wears body armour to protect one's pussy-esque exterior, Baseball, which in reality is not nearly as exciting to watch as it is to play, Basketball, which has way too many breaks in play due to the anal rules surrounding the non-contact bounceathon and Ice Hockey...which is Canadian and so, even though it would be a great sport to follow and show passion towards, it is automatically seen as a B class sport because of the ignorant masses hatred towards a country right next door to theirs.

Although football may exist in the US, the passion and following for the greatest game on the face of the Planet, is hardly similar to their counter-parts in Europe and Asia. They even had the cheek to rename it 'Soccer', as they had already used the term 'Football' as an excuse to sit down, drink beer and get fat. It is one of the most confusing phenomenon's in human history...that such a large part of the world has little or no interest for a truly great game, especially a country like America, who love to be the best at everything and take great pride in everything that they do and have fought for...oh wait, there's your answer right there! Americans are too busy fighting in order to fuel their flawed lifestyle, whereas the rest of the world does not need to...because they have football. Naturally. Instead of focusing their anger, passion and aggresion into a meaningless game, Americans are fighting for the oil to cook their burgers and supply their fat asses with petrol so they can make the grueling mile drive to Wal*Mart and back.

The controvertial issues, which surround the world of Football are infamous but with that being said, there are far less deaths and injuries than there are in wars...that goes without being said. It's painfully obvious...so much so that I felt a twitch in my brain whilst writing that. However, if Americans were to solve their issues on the football field, rather than on the battlefield, then the world would be a better place...

I'm not sure about anyone else but I cared more about Scotland beating France a goal to nothing TWICE than I did about the Iraq war being extended into the next era in American politics.

That all being said however, one cannot help but notice the subtle comparisons between War and Footie. America sell Iraq their old weapons and then return a few years later to blow the shit out of them with their brand new, shiny, tech'd up advanced artilery...whereas in Football, Rangers sell Kilmarnock all their old players and return to Rugby Park the next season to kick the shit out of them with brand spanking new ones.

If the Beckhams pull off the impossible and miraculously influence American audiences into the world of *real* football then it might be a good idea to keep a close eye on them at first. Not only do they have the potential to become the greatest on Earth but if the Republicans become a tad too passionate, they might decide to finish a team off once they've beaten them.

Just a small rant but WORK with me on this.

To quote Bill Hicks...

"...since when do we NEED a war to feel better about ourselves?"

As it seems lately, the world of wrestling has had it's shoulders pressed firmly on the canvas for quite some time now, as the world contemplates counting the 1, 2, 3! Their nostalgia being the only thing holding them back from a roll up victory in good taste, as they live in hope that one day, their beloved sport will come around and point a great, big middle finger to its critics, whom have been slamming the business into the ground for years now.

However, this fan of the business, does not believe that wrestling will spring back and over come the odds any time soon.

For as long as one can remember, the sports entertainment franchise has always been a very competitive market to keep up with, as both a dedicated fanatic and casual viewer. Nowadays, with only one wrestling show truly making itself noticed in the U.S, the excitement and unpredicability that made wrestling an exciting show to watch, has slowly withered over the years.

If one was to backtrack and pin point the exact beggining of the decline, it would of course be April, 2001. The month, in which Vince McMahon and his Word Wrestling Entertainment purchased World Championship Wrestling from AOL Time Warner, in a move, which at the time, was phenomenal. No one, would have ever dreamed that this would happen. Mr McMahon didn't only beat his competition in the ratings, but he also bought them out, to make sure they never rised from the ashes ever again.



However, during this time of victory, Mr McMahon and his dominating company WWE failed to realise how bad this was for business. To this day, I am still baffled why Vince did not allow Eric Bischoff to go ahead and purchase WCW himself, as he has always been an amazing business man. He had also showed signs of knowing how to keep the ball rolling, when he accepted ECW as a genuine threat and went on to give them air time JUST to create a competitive edge, which the sport needed at that time. However, despite the high risks of taking away his greatest rival, Vince did not sell the company and went on to aquire a handful of its existing roster...mistake number two followed.

Instead of pushing existing, recongised and popular superstars, WWE went on to squash the existing WCW wrestlers in the WWE Invasion angle, which was the worst thing that Vince could have done, because there was a lot of deserving talent, who deserved a shot as suitable WWE superstars. During a time where WWE had aquired the creme de la creme of wrestling talent, they could not see past their own existing roster, as to give others a chance of glory. Scott Steiner was fed to Triple H, Booker T was fed to The Rock and the nWo were made to look really silly against Stone Cold Steve Austin. The only WCW star to make a real impact in WWE was Bill Goldberg...but he wasn't even part of the Invasion angle and did not join the company until a year later...a year too late and at a time where WWE had just realised, that they had indeed...fucked up. It was time to elavate new stars, to ready themselves for the future!

Enter the new breed!



John Cena - A guy who is all talk and no substance. The most notorious WWE Champion in history still holds the title to this very day and is hated world wide by 'real fanatics' of the sport. Cena has very few wrestling moves and has very little ring knowledge. Therefore, Cena cannot sell other wrestlers moves to make them look good, he does not know the meaning of the words 'variable moveset' and he is as repetitive as a household hamster. He also has the silliest finishing manouver in the history of wrestling, right up there with Hulk Hogan's leg drop, the F-U, which is basically a fireman's carry...of DOOM.



Randy Orton - The so-called 'evolution of the business' just cannot seem to get it 100% right, when it comes to long-term feuds and activity on whichever roster he appears on. When Randy became the youngest World Champion of all time, he was like a deer in headlights. The guy could not take the pressure of being the top guy in the business and could not command any heat from the audience surrounding him, whatsoever. This led to Orton dropping the belt back to his rival Triple H within a month and somehow, ironically, ended up handing the popular vote to his much older tag team partner Batista...who previously, was a 47 year old who enjoyed collecting lunch boxes. Now he's a 47 year old World Heavyweight Champion who is adoured by the deminishing WWE fanbase...who enjoys collecting lunchboxes. Thus would be seen as an accidental blessing for the company, but the man is older than he thinks and has suffered a chain of injuries already.
Randy Orton also has a history of finding himself facing the back hand of backtage politics. The young third generation superstar just cannot help himself from getting into trouble with management and his career and status has suffered because of it. The man can work a good match, he has wrestling ability but he is just an absolute asshole! From trashing hotel rooms, to shitting in Diva's bags, there really is no stopping the Legend Killer from killing his own legend before it even begins.

The two superstars above are a prime example of WWE's mentality. Instead of helping the talented superstar to conquer his demons, they decide to push the high school jock to the moon because he has an easy gimmick, which kids happen to love and relate to...alledgedly. Too bad about the old guard of fans, such as myself, in which the product is directed towards. There is not ONE WWE pay-per-view which has not had a '15' certificate attached to its front end, yet they're still aiming towards kids...seems kind of silly.

The strange thing is, however, is that even with the amount of amazing talent, which the WWE happen to still have kicking around on their roster, they fail to recognise the true superstars. There are some veteran wrestlers on the roster who have never had a real chance to shine, because they always fall out of favour with management and lose out to some deadweight like the Great Khali (who just got a job because of his size clearly, as he has no wrestling skill whatsoever)

With the recent injury crisis however, the hopes of the mid card job squad might indeed be fufilled. As the WWE stands right now, it currently have 6 injured megastars on their joint rosters of RAW, Smackdown and ECW. These include; Mr. Kennedy (who had to give up his Money in the Bank contendership to former winner Edge, as he tore his triceps at the weekend...thanks big Dave), Rey Mysterio, The Undertaker (who happens to still be World Champion), Triple H (who tore his quad...again), Shawn Michaels (needs surgery), Bobby Lashley (seperated shoulder).

All of the above are currently involved in major storylines and it just makes this grapple fan wonder if they'll recover from such a crisis. Surely this might give them the motivation they need, in place of competition...maybe they'll even realise that this is exactly what they have been needing. But that is wishful thinking if I ever thought so myself.

At this point, most would expect an up swing in this article, dictating that NWA:TNA will rise from the ashes like a mighty stallion and claim back the wrestling world and make it interesting again...but I won't, as they had their chance when they still had a credible format. Now that they have the infamous Vince Russo writing for their show (the man behind such classic matches as the Kennel from Hell match, the electric chair triple cage match and of course the Lingerie on a pole match) all hope is lost for that company. In retrospect, they are a bunch of wannabes anyway...they don't even have crowds who pay to gain admitance.

Perhaps wrestling *will* find its way again...sometime next lifetime.

BBC's science fiction series, Doctor Who has been on the airwaves for almost as long as time itself and is the longest running television show in history. For some, the mysterious time traveler known as the Doctor is seen as a fantastic on-screen character, as he explores strange new worlds and fights for rights, which once went wrong. For most however, the timelord is nothing short of an idol and an oustanding figure in British pop culture.

Throughout the past 44 years, Doctor Who producers have not exactly remained consistant with their choice of actor, to play as the witty, cunning and downright magnificant character, which is the timelord Doctor. This, however, is completely intentional, as the Doctor has the ability to regenerate into another body whenever he is killed. Despite the timelord only being able to perform this miraculous transformation a total of twelve times, producers have certainly excercised their right to use this plot device ten times now. This is not bad if you consider how long the show has been airing now but it is a cause for concern when one finds that the Doctor has been through three of these regenerations throughout the past decade alone...and that was with a seven year break too.

Doctor Who is still going strong, despite being on the air for as long as it has. However, the question on one's mind is...well...does anyone ever wonder about what happened to the actors who played as the Doctor's previous incarnations? What would happen to one's career after being cast as such an iconic and signifficant figure in popular culture? American high budget shows? Movies? Games? Videos? Books? Anything?

Let's find out shall we?



Who are they now?



William Hartnell (1963 - 1966)

A man who will be cemented in history as the first to set foot into the blue box known as the Doctor's Tardis, which was the portal to the timelord's adventures through time and space. Sadly, however, this would be his final role in television as he only went on to film one more episode (The three doctors) beyond his run and then tragically died in his sleep following several strokes and heart attacks in 1975. Ironicaly, the first doctor was the first to die in the series and in this life. However, the irony was far from over, as this also happened to the next two actors to play as the doctor...very odd indeed.



Patrick Troughton (1966-1969)

Old Paddy was the first to run into the drone army known as the Cybermen during his run in Doctor Who. However, Troughton was also remembered as one of the smartest actors to ever appear on the show. With his extensive volcabulary and his strange and unpredicatable prescene on-screen, Patrick made the second incarnation of the doctor one of the most concrete in viewers minds. However, Troughton was not only an intelligent individual in front of the lens but he was also very knowledgeable about the industry behind the camera too and therefore, knew when to quit whilst he was ahead.
Despite coming back to the show more times than any other actor for cameo appearances, Troughton enjoyed other successes beyond the confindments of the blue box including a starring role in one of the most influential horror movies of all time, The Omen, in which he played as Father Brennan. He also starred in many other TV shows such as Inspector Morse, The Persuaders and even Supergran.



Jon Pertwee (1970 - 1974)

The last of the dead doctors (for now) Jon Pertwee will always be one of the most fondly remembered of the long-lasting series, which just keeps on going. Everybody who ever played as the timelord always had a different take on how the Doctor should act and react in certain situations. Most of the time, the Doctor would be expected to do something, which seemed irrational, that he would risk the harm of those around him at first thought, yet have something tucked up his sleeve. Pertwee's perspective however, was that the Doctor also needed to rely on others cunning and abilities to bounce off of. He therefore became the most human of all the Doctor's incarnations and not to mention one of the most tactiful, making good use of his surroundings and sources. In a way, he sort of turned Doctor Who into Dad's Army without the comedy.
I digress. Pertwee enjoyed moderate success in children's television after he left the series, which gave him such iconic exposure. He most famously played the role of Worzel Gummage, who was a scarecrow who came to life...if he was still alive, he could have been a villan in the new series with that gimmick. Again, I digress. Pertwee also went on to voice many radio play and cartoon characters such as Spotty from Superted. That stuffed bear might have had a secret magic word but I bet he was never aware that his dim-witted sidekick Spotty was from Gallifrey!



Tom Baker (1974 - 1981)
Not only was Tom Baker arguably the best of the twelve doctors (mostly because he was in the right series, with the right scripts, at the right time) but he was also the most controvertial of the dozen. However, it would not be uncommon for BBC directors to go through hours of editing just to amend for some of Tom's antics on-screen, especially when he was working with the ladies...or very stretched out strings of dialogue for that matter.
The Fourth Doctor's appearance has also become one of the most enduring and iconic images of the show. Imposingly tall, with eyes that seemed to constantly stare a whole through anyone who happened to be in his field of vision (including the viewer), a mass of curls for hair and prominently white teeth, which would ironicaly, blind whoever happened to be in his field of vision...so maybe my personal opinion of Mr. Baker may be a little un-just, considering that I was left completely deprived of sight as soon as I layed eyes on him.
As for his life after bowing out from the series - Tom Baker has never really jumped aboard any other long-term televised or theatrical shows at all. The only other projects he became a part of were related to his role as the Doctor or, in fact, documentries and discussion forums exploring the depths of time travel like 'Exploration Earth'. Baker has also enjoyed entertaining his fanbase by taking part in several interviews and Doctor Who conventions/exhibitions...not that he would remember half of them - he is notorious for liking the occasional glass of complimentary wine!



Peter Davidson (1981 - 1984)

Considered as the 'smartest next to Troughton' - Peter Davidson was the only Doctor during the show's run on the air in the 80's to ever have a strong acting career beyond the show, which up to this point was notorious for type-casting actors as, and only as, the Doctor. However, he gets points deducted, as he seeked the advise from a previous incarnation, which of course was the reigning champion of cunning, Patrick Troughton.
After Davidson left the series in the hands of the dreaded Colin Baker (*shudder* we'll get to him shortly) he made the most of his acting credentials, which he recieved from working as a lead on Britain's most watched science fiction show and went on to star in American produced serials such as Magnum P.I and most recently, ITV's 'The Last Detective'.
Davidson is currently still working on television and is back with his founding the employers the BBC, filming episodes of the comedy series Fear, Stress and Anger.



Colin Baker (1984 - 1986)

The man many point the finger to, whilst discussing the decline of the original series of Doctor Who. The man who single handedly, managed to flip the intrigue, intelligence and intensity of Dr Who into a cheesey, cringe-enducing mess, up to its balls in one liners and over the top acting, which would make an egotisitc theartric blush and switch channels. The *man*, who was responsible for Dr Who's 18 month hiatus, after BBC controller Michael Grade stated that he had seen enough of the time-traveler and, of course, thought its fanbase was diminishing, as he reflected on the show's success on its weekly ratings.
Ironicaly, the sixth doctor's personailty was based on believing that he was the greatest of the, then six, incarnations of the timelord.
It cannot be said however, that Colin was handed everything he needed to interact with during his time as the Doctor. He was handed the Daleks, the Cybermen, the Ranni, the Master and EVEN Patrick Troughton! The two doctors storyline united both Troughton and Colin in a desperate attempt to save the show from iminant disaster. The last straw, was to hand Colin the longest story ark in Doctor Who history, which they had hoped would draw in the viewers, who at the time, were obsessed with obsorbing storylines, which dragged on forever on the popular television soap Coronation Street (which would go on to hammer the death nail into the science fiction show up until it's recent revival) The Trial of a Timelord was 12 parts long, and took Colin Baker to his limits, as the serial explored every corner of Doctor's current incarnation, as well as his 953 year old past...unfortunately, this only allowed Colin Baker to showcase, once and for all...how shit of an actor, he truly was. With lines, which would induce one to scrape their nails down chalkboards as a hobbie/sport, Colin began to spit out dialogue like 'How utterly evil' and of course, being able to realise a cryptic clue through the line 'Decemenate the news', which, was not entirely his fault but the way he followed it up, by completely flipping his lid and over-exposing the blatant, lazy plot device...was unfortunately. It's not even a word!
Colin Baker went on to star in various audio features and storybook narrations, because nobody ever wanted to see the stupid fuck in person ever again.



Sylvester McCoy (1988 - 1989) (1996 Movie)

In his first season, the Seventh Doctor started out as a comical character, mixing his metaphors ("Time and tide melt the snowman," for example), playing the fool, and making twatfalls like Mr Bean but soon started to develop a darker nature and raising the all-important question of who the Doctor actually is. His foolish appearance and characteristics were much more of a disguise from the truth than anything else, as the seventh doctor would often tackle problems from behind the scenes - catching out whomever he had problems with before they could even attack or even think about placing a plan into action. He had a tendency to reveal only select information, especially to his companion Ace, as she was part of a wider social group of friends and associates than any other companion he had previously. Ace would often question her trust in the Doctor, as would anyone who happened to come into contact with his manipulative person.

As for Sylvestor McCoy's career after his original run - it sadly did not take off, as much as he had hoped, despite only playing as the Doctor for two years and, of course, having an important, yet brief role in the 1996 theatrical release of the series (which was fucking shite for the record)

...would it help if I mentioned that he was considered as being Peter Jackson's choice for the role of Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings? No? Nevermind.



Paul McGann (1996 Movie)

Was arguably the most human and romantic of all of his incarnations, encouraged those around him to seize life instead of withdrawing from it. He also seemed to enjoy giving people hints of their own futures, apparently to prod them into making the right decisions. This was of course, because he was incorrectly portrayed in the United States and was therefore JUICED UP and AMERICANISED for mornoic audiences with very little attention span and/or intelligence. The movie did not favours for the popularity of the show and in no way influenced a full time comeback, despite a very large demand.

As for McGann's career beyond the movie, I believe he starred as former Beatle 'John Lennon' in the short independant film 'John and Yoko'....oh piss, that was his brother Mark McGann, oh well!



Christopher Eccleston (2005 - 2006)

When Eccleston was announced as the ninth incarnation of Doctor Who, the fandom rejoiced! Here was a man, who they knew wouldn't dissapoint them, considering his past acting credentials in both independant and blockbuster films. Eccleston stepped up to the plate and struck a home run for the returning series, as the show became one of the most watched shows on television once again.

However, after only one season at the helm of the Tardis controls, Eccleston decided to leave the series in fear of becoming typecast, following the BBC's decision to renew the show for two more series, with another two Christmas specials to match. Even Eccleston denies this, it would not surprise many who are close to the industry, as Chris likes to keep his roles variable, like a true actor.

Eccleston has went on to star in many independant films since leaving Doctor Who and has particiapated in an episode of the cult favourite Sci/Fi show 'Heroes'.

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David Tennant (2006-2007)

The succesor to Christopher Eccleston and of course, the current reigning Doctor. Mr. Tennant has enjoyed a vast amount of success as the doctor, due to his willingness to play as the timelord in the long run. Tennant was always a candidate to play as the Doctor in the new Russel T. Davies produced series, but he was knocked back in favour of the more experienced Eccelson (who is, of course, a much better actor). Many have argued that Tennant is somewhat of a modern day tribute to the character of Doctor Who and that he did not really capture the mystery and intrigue of the Doctor's character. However, over time and through careful and clever storytelling, Tennant was given plenty of time to improve on the show, allowing him to get the just of the Doctor's motives and textbook method of thinking and it also gave him the chance to showcase how definitive his incarnation of the Doctor could be, to set him out from the rest of the pack.

Tennant's doctor is, quite like McCoy's, a very eccentric and egocentric yet ruthless individual, who has a sense of danger to his being. His portrayed projection of the timelord is not as merciful as previous incarnations. Tennant's Doctor tends to work on a 'no second chances' scheme and is pesistant on punishing his enemies if they fail to see the error of their ways.

David Tennant is currently wrapping up the second series of Doctor Who but there are various rumours making the mill that he will leave half way through the third series and there is even an ending filmed for this season's finale, in which the Doctor could indeed die and regenerate once again. Even though it seems doubtful that Tennant would leave at this stage in the series - it would be unwise to rule anything out, in a series so brilliantly produced.

Tennant was recently given the honour as being voted the 'best Doctor Who ever' but I am certain a lot of kids were in the way of Tom Baker's strikingly obvious superiorortiy.

The initial question raised for this article 'Who are they now?' may stray one's interests and makes for a compelling read but one thing is for certain. No matter what they do, they will always be 'Who'.

The Super Mario Brothers, who are best known as the mascots of the popular videogame developers Nintendo, have been entertaining millions of children and shut-in nerds for decades. These two have really done it all. They saved the Mushroom Kingdom on four seperate occasions (well except for Mario's brother Luigi who couldn't bother his arse the fourth time around) and have also become legendary sports icons in every single event, to such a point where they had videogames named after them such as Mario Golf, Mario Tennis, Mario Kart etc. I would like to see the look on Tiger Woods' and David Beckham's faces if you were to even go as far as mention 'Plumbers' to their pathetic, heavily liscensed personas.





The last thing one would expect would be for someone to say something negative about the dynamic, Italian duo, as they really are on a high plateau in people's hearts. Allow me to be the first, as I reveal the truth behind the Mario brothers...

(which basicaly means that I'm going to rant on about how silly the concept of Mario Brothers really was and still is)



Let's start from the beggining shall we? According to legend (i.e. the origin) Mario 'Jumpman' and Luigi were brothers from Italy, who both shared the same trade as one another. They were fucking good plumbers. So good, that they decided to start up their own helpline service and therfore went into business together as the 'Mario Brothers'. It wasn't before long however, that they decided to move on from their Italian routes and would move to Brooklyn, New York in search of more demanding work in a city complex which was lacking good tradesmen.

Things were going well for the talented, yet hard working Mario Brothers. Until, of course they were called up to unblock a seemingly normal draining system in a city centre apartment's toilet. As upon successfully unblocking it, little did they know that they would end up unlocking a portal to another world. Without warning, both Mario and Luigi were sucked transported to another place, which contained yet more warp tunnels.

Now, this is where continuety seems to take a swerve, as videogame analysts are still quite unsure how long the dumb Mario brothers spent in these warp tunnels. Some argue that Mario decided to get cocky and split up from Luigi and therefore, went on to have his first adventure with a giant, princess napping Gorilla by the name of 'Donkey Kong'...and yes, I couldn't quite figure that fucking one out either. This, however, led to Mario's first encounter with the Princess he would grow to obsess over.



Let's take a breather here and think realisticaly. If you were writing about a fictional character in a fictional world, interacting with other fictional individuals, you still wouldn't think for a second that a fat, Italian plumber from Brooklyn would ever,ever, ever have a chance with a figure of royalty, who happens to have the princess standard 'hour-glass figure'. Even if Mario did save her, he would still be difficult to see him more than a big, greasy and sweaty Italian...in fact, I'm beggining to wonder if that is how the Princess is kidnapped so much in the series of games. She can't tell the difference between her knight in shining braces and her enemies i.e. a big stinkin gorilla or an equally smelly lizard...thing.

Eventually, however, as we stray back to the original timeline of the Super Mario Brothers series, our plumbing duo end up in the Mushroom Kingdom, possibly by slipping in shit and falling down yet another warp tunnel, as they indecisively argued about what the fuck they should do. The first thing that they realise though, is that the laws of gravity and physics work very differently in this 'Mushroom Kingdom'. Previously, they would be so grounded by their fat that they would need to lean on walls and old grannies hunched backs while walking more than a couple of feet and needing to take a lunch break every half hour during, charging by an expensive hourly rate. This was not the case in this world though, as they would soon learn that they could run faster than they had ever dreamed (or bothered for that matter) and that they could jump higher than what Neil Armstrong's wires would allow him. In this world, they were fat, lazy plumbers no more. They were fucking super heroes.



Knowing from the get go that this would earn them an amazing reputation and not to mention an amazing demand for their business, they decided to rename themselves the Super Mario Brothers. Thus their legend was born.

However, being able to perform out of the ordinary feats, which astounded both themselves, the Princess and the toad people of the Mushroom Kingdom was great and all. But as typical species of man, they craved more. Especially when the pressure of King Bowser's invasion of the Mushroom Kingdom began, with the shocking, yet inevitable kidnapping of the stupid Princess. The Mario brothers reverted to foreign substances of unknown consequence to aid them in battle, quite like how most of the troops in our nation's army take steroids and pentazem to improve their performance in the good and MEANINGFUL war in Iraq.



As illustrated above, the unique boxes containing the 'body and mind enhancers' were clearly market with a gigantic question mark, indicating that no one knows for sure what the fuck it will do to you and is therefore unsafe. However, being plumbers from New York, you would suspect that they have probably tried everything on the streets anyway. So why not risk another hit?

They had the same effects as many common drugs.
The mushrooms made you feel larger than life but once Mario got hurt, he would suddenly weaken dramticaly and go into a serious downer, feeling smaller and useless and not as confident.
The flowers, however would make you feel like you were on fire, as if flames would spurt from your hands you were so hot. Mario even had hallucinations when he was on this and actually pictured himself in different coloured clothes, looking sharper and such.
The rarest of all the power up's however were the stars, which were fucking difficult to obtain. Not because they were expensive but because it was so hard to catch the buggers as they bounced all over the place, fully displaying its unstable properties. However, it wouldn't stop Mario from reaching an all time high and trying it out. On this particular 'enhancer' he felt invincible! He would storm past any obstacle in his way. However, the effect would only last a short ten seconds, possibly giving the Mario Brothers withdrawl symptoms, especially if they came to a point in their quest where they really fuckin needed it.

In later adventures, Mario and Luigi would go on to try out all sorts of other shit, as their addictions leapt to new heights of discovery. Some of which are too difficult to fathom, as the Mario brothers, for example, would suddenly be able to fly through use of a racoons tail sticking out of their asses...I'd stay away from that for bloody sure, that is just fucked up.



Being a pair that grew up as a business in their own respected trade - Mario and Luigi knew where the money was at and were very well trained in the marketer's eye for success. They would go on to take advantage of their extraordinary powers to benefit themselves in various sporting events, whilst the Mushroom Kingdom was peaceful. What a couple of fuckholes. They know they cannot lose and therefore have an unfair advantage. The least they could do is take a back seat and maybe sponsor the Mushroom Kingdom sporting leagues...but I guess they had to get by somehow. To my knowledge, they didn't get paid for saving the entire Kingdom. All Mario got was a fucking kiss in the cheek. Lets face it though, both Mario and Luigi couldn't exactly go back to their trade. Hell, if they were as good at their plumbing as they were back in the real world, they would have plumbed their asses out of there and created a gigantic tourist gateway. So perhaps they had to be pricks and completely dominate the Mushroom sporting world using their unfair advantage over their competitors...who's arms were often too short for their bodies.



After this in-depth analysis behind the truth of the Super Mario Brothers, there is still yet one question left unanswered. Why did Princess Toadstool resemble a human being? Did she sit on the toilet one day and get accidently sucked into their world by accident and beat the Mario brothers to their fantasy of ruling an entire kingdom (as they probably thought at the back of their minds, the pricks) or does she have some sort of mushroom mutation growing from an area underneath that unusually large dress?

Ah well, anyone looking forward to Mario Galaxy on the Wii?