i have always believed in talking about things and trying to face things, rather than hide away and pretend things didn't happen. so i talk about a lot of things that make other people squirm. i don't mean to cause discomfort and embarrassment. i just want to say the truth as i know it.
i have found that when i do mention things like death, finances, politics, love, sex, substance abuse, rape, murder, physical medical problems, mental illness, legal problems, family issues, any thing like those or others, i find people who have problems that deeply disturb them and they have been afraid to mention anything and they tend to be isolated and think they are alone in their problems. actually it turns out many people are going through the same things, and if they talk, informally or in self help groups or even reading books or magazines, they can find comfort and other perspectives and can possibly deal with or overcome the problems.
      so that said, i'll tell about a rather stupid thing that happened to me. it was basically a drunken mistake, but it brought up demons and still isn't resolved, in my personal life.
a few nights ago, someone who is a friend of one of my roommates and was staying at my house temporarily, got so drunk they blacked out and didn't know what they were doing and didn't remember anything the next day. that i think is dangerous enough in itself. when you don't know what you are doing and can't remember what you did, you could get into all sorts of horrible dangerous situations. for example, leaving an oven on or leaving candles by a curtain and setting a house on fire, driving a car and causing an accident that kills people, doing things that can deeply embarrass you and deeply offend or hurt friends or family or strangers. and so on. i am not just a crazy person ranting, you can check the news for stories like these that really happened.
      i was sound asleep in my bed, in my house, with my door closed, and in the middle of the night, someone reeking of alcohol got into my bed, fumbled under the covers and was stroking and pawing me, while humping against me. i pushed them away and told them to stop it, and i looked and discovered the person was this visitor/crasher at my house. not anyone i am attracted to, not anyone i flirted with, certainly not anyone i would ever want in my bed. i kicked him out of my room, and i kicked him out of my house. i also felt so grossed out and violated and unclean i took a shower and washed the sheets. i suppose i shouldn't have, if i want to have "evidence" but all in all i thought it was a stupid occurrence, not something to involve the police in.
      however, i really expected my friends, who were also friends of the intruder, to at least show me some solidarity and sympathy, stand up for my honor as it were, and also tell the guy he did something bad; he was wrong in getting so drunk he blacked out and he was wrong to get into my bed and molest me. sure, i know 20something guys might laugh and hoot about the situation (i am 60 and hardly an attractive babe) but i was hoping beyond the guffaws they could also tell him he did a bad thing, and understand why i might possibly be even a tiny bit perturbed. instead i got angry remarks about my overreacting and that i was wrong in kicking the guy out.
i can understand the humor in the situation and i myself have laughed at "musical bed" comedies , like the funny story of the people at the inn ending up in the wrong beds in the _decameron_, but i also think that getting so drunk you don't know what you are doing is a serious scary symptom of something wrong. so i think his friends could at least warn him that's bad and dangerous, suggest he get help for his drinking problem, and point out that most people don't really appreciate random persons in their beds; instead of just making it a big joke.
     a little background - the guy is from out of town and was staying at my house at my roommate's invitation, but also staying other nights at other places, so i really don't think he's going to die of exposure out in the night (plus it isn't freezing out).
     and my background is similar to pretty much anyone who is in a female body - if you ask most women, they can give you a long long list of abuse, being grabbed, groped and molested while innocently walking down the street or trying to work at a desk or assembly line or riding the bus; or even attacked, raped and seriously injured while minding their own business in their own home, in their own bed, with the doors locked. and being forced or coerced by their lovers/boyfriends/husband (or brothers, uncles, fathers, bosses, religious leaders...) into sexual acts, or being "taken advantage of" while they are unconscious, seriously ill, drugged or drunk, or in a wheel chair or on crutches and unable to run away fast enough. i myself have suffered from coercion, "date rape" meaning it wasn't a stranger with a knife jumping from the bushes, but somebody i wanted nothing to do with, maybe didn't know their name, but had the misfortune to be at a party when my friends disappeared somewhere, being "taken advantage of" when i couldn't fight back, and being chased down the street by some asshole with a gun at 10am near a shopping mall, and numerous grabs and gropes and insults and threats on the street in the daytime, on my way to school or work or the store. so i am very angry, filled with white hot rage might be a closer description, and each incident is another straw adding up. so even a joke haha drunk groping me is something i do not take lightly. i am so sick and tired of all the abuse and insult and threats and unbelievable disrespect anyone who doesn't have The Power are subjected to, all over the world, through most of history, i can go on on a longer rant about a lot more, but to stick to the current topic i'll stop.
     i am deeply disappointed in my so-called friends who found fault with me for kicking the guy out of the house instead of telling him he did wrong and standing up for me.
and i'll tell everybody about this, because i think a lot of people might have the misfortune to find themselves in similar situations.
     and i want to say to you all, if you have that misfortune: stick to your guns. stand up for your rights. your feelings are valid. you have a right to feel safe in your own home. you have a right to expect some solidarity and sympathy from your friends. the people you stand up for should stand up for you.
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my heartfelt thanks go out to those who have given me support. you all rock.
love
wendy

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in my haste i forgot this part:
     doing something that wrecks things, hurts people/animals/plants or worse while you are so out of it you don't know what you are doing, or you can't remember a thing, does not absolve you from responsibility.
     sure, there can sometimes be some extenuating circumstances (you are mentally ill with extremely dangerous hallucinations, or you were drugged and hypnotized or forced by spies or space aliens, for example), but generally, if you are so drunk by your own doing and commit harmful acts, you are responsible for the consequences. you owe apologies, you might owe restitution, community service, prison time or more. if you lose a friend or a job or a home or a leg or other things because of your drunken shenanigans, it is your fault; and not remembering is no excuse. not remembering is a signal you need to get help and clean up your act. all of us are responsible for our actions.

     i don't hate the guy who got in my bed, i think he needs help with his drinking problem. i don't hate my "friends" who scoffed, i think they need their consciousnesses raised. none of them are evil, they are young and need to learn more to get up to speed with the adult population and have they a lot of potential to do great things once they get focused. they are products of their culture and upbringing and need to overcome that.

i'm posting this on my blogs at
http://mothraa.livejournal.com/
and
http://blogs.myspace.com/mothraa
and
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=301588890461&ref=mf

and please, if you have any related things, urls, books, articles, web sites, etc. you'd like me to post, i will.
ekelana (at) gmail.com
there's plenty on the web about disrespect for those in female bodies (& child or animal bodies) and about substance abuse, and wanton violence, but it can't hurt to point them out and maybe get some people to think about it and change their own ways and be advocates for change. pressure your unenlightened friends/family/acquaintances!
damn!

if someone you barely know (and you are _not_ attracted to) and is just visiting your house, gets into your bed while you are asleep and gropes you in a seemingly sexual manner, and you wake up and kick them out, should you feel guilty if you don't want to be around that person? should you feel bad that because you got upset, you "made them feel bad"?  and since the person was drunk and didn't know what they were doing, is that their excuse that totally absolves them? should you just take it as a big joke?  what if you feel so grossed out it isn't a joke to you even if other people are laughing, and you feel so embarrassed and disgusted you want to take a bath in chlorox?

if people stopped and listened more often to what trees say 
it would be a better world

getting something done 

here's one of mine http://wendymukluk.com/mukluk/amusing/

goodbye ripley the cat
you will be sorely missed

http://ripley-the-cat.livejournal.com/