The public toilet smelt bad, as they often do, and it was crowded, which didn't help matters. I sat on the toilet set, knees tucked up under my chin, sobbing as quietly as I could into the denim on my jeans.
Is this what I had to look forward to every month until I was 50?
Excruciating pain, cramps so bad I could bearly walk, even having to run into a public toilet to ride out the pain wave.
Pubity was not going to be fun, and I'd only had it six months.
Another wave of pain hit me, it made me moan out loud, then I heard a voice ask me if I was ok, did I need a doctor.
Through the grafiti'd door I said no, I'd be out in a minute.
When I emerged from the cubical, hunched over clutching my stomach, I saw the queue of people waiting for the bathroom and apologised, but none of them acknowledged me. One of them gave me that 'it's ok but please dont talk directly to me' smile, others looked at me then looked away so as not t catch my eye, the rest just stared at the floor.
I coud imagine what they were thinking, without a clue as to what was actually wrong with me. It's amazing how quickly people judge.
I wiped my eyes, and felt an arm around my shoulders.
"It's ok dear. God can help you"
Oh Wonderful, I thought, this is all I need.
She was petting me in a concerned gran mother kind of way "Shhh. It's ok. You can tell me all about it. God will watch out for you, he will help you, you just have to let him in"
"I'm ok, really. It just hurts"
"Life is like that isn't it pet?. So much hurt, confusion, pain."
"No. You don't understand" I managed
"Of course I don't, only God could understand. He can help you"
"Really, I'll be ok. I'm going to go and find my mum. She'll be wanting to know where I am"
"Are you sure pet?.. here, take this" she slipped peice of card into my hand which had details of her community and church on it. She said I was welcome any time, just to call and let her know I was going.
Admittedly at the time I thought she was a bit of a nut job, but then again, most of the people in the queue waiting for the toilet thought that I was a nut job.
In retrospect, she was just trying to help me. I don't believe she was try to 'recruit' me, just that she was concerned, reaching out, one human being to another, and surely that's ok.
There aren't enough people in the world like this. These days people are affraid to approach strangers, and people are affraid to trust strangers, which makes me sad.
Who cares where the help comes from, as the help comes?