It doesn't always work like I planned it
I've seen a lot of good things;
A lot of things been out of my hands
Even when I don't understand it
We have all got choices to make,
And this one is mine

Even now, here's my heart God

Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I have to wonder,
are you working at all?           
But even in the darkness I'm listening
For your still small voice in the distance
I heed the call

Even now, here's my heart God
Even now, here's my heart God
Even now, here's my heart God
I'm in love

Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can't live another day here without you

Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance

everything is exactly the same, and still I feel the stirrings of change.

my heart is strengthening; my love growing deeper, seeping down into some ancient well. there is clarity in your voice, and there's more than just terror at the thought of this life I'm living. when I realize I'm giving up control, again, spiralling into the great unknown without a penny to my name. there is a calm I don't understand. there is trust. small, yes, but growing, and secure. there's a confidence that flows from something other than what I could scrounge up on my own.

I'm learning what living really is. not money, not success, not beauty pageants. it's going against everything you think is logical and secure. it's embracing a love that doesn't make sense. it is taking a (terrifying) step into the greatest unknown and finding unspeakable beauty. it's opening yourself up at the risk of getting hurt, holding a child on your lap until they fall asleep, laying in the grass feeling the sun warm your skin.

it is purely, simply, relationship. one from which all other life flows.