... of 2006!  A lot to get to, as i resolve to clean out the ol' friend request box, and proceed with a clean slate in - and renewed optimism for - 2007.  And away we go ...

Chop Shop (Alternative / Indie)

There are five of them, and room for more, they want you to know.  One plays a trumpet and that's always nice.  One is trying a bit too hard at times to sound British.  Generally pleasant brooding stuff, though, all downloadable.  Grab your favorite ("Crickets" is quite nice), and maybe even contribute?  There's an "open source" vibe to the whole endeavor, and that's always fun.  I'd give it a go, but i'd probably ruin it by playing too loud.  

Friend Status: Accepted.

Victor Pinks (Garage / Punk / Rock)

I think i now know what Camper Van Beethoven's first practice sounded like.  Off to a good start, lads; keep practicing and get that bass player.

Friend Status: Accepted.

THE VANDELLES (Surf / Blues / Experimental)

Droney Brit-Pop with surf guitar tones.  I dig how everything sounds like it's coming from three rehearsal rooms down the hall.  They're playing a bunch of gigs around town soon; i'd say make sure to bring your earplugs.

Friend Status: Accepted.

the monster army (Indie / Garage / Electro)

Mysterious, sea-foam-green loving duo marries spook-o garage with Casio beats, thus proving it is, in fact, drummers who are the most likely to be pretentious and expendable.

Friend Status: Accepted.

JOSHUA'S WHISPER (Metal / Rock / Other) 

Tool-inspired metal, understated enough vocally to not crush any sense of melody, though still suffering beneath the requisite Guitar Center effects-rack cheese.  Metal bands are a lot easier to like when they aren't trying to be so damn professional.  Plus, JOSHUA'S WHISPER is an ironic name for a band whose missives seem to be CONDUCTED ENTIRELY IN CAPS. 

Friend Status: Rejected.

WinterKids (New Wave / Alternative / Indie)

Remember when you were a kid and you went to the amusement park, and outside your favorite ride, there was a painting of a cartoon bear holding a yard stick, saying "hiya, kids, you must be THIS tall to enter the ride", and you were all standing on your tippy-toes, like "crap, being young sucks"?  Well, this hyper bunch should have some sort of reverse-age-stick holding bear, and the cut-off could be twenty years old, and if you were older, you wouldn't be allowed in, but instead you'd be like "ah well, i already done rode that ride."  You know, i like the sentence-long reviews a lot better, how about you?

Friend Status: Rejected.

My Virgin Eyes (Metal / Experimental / Death Metal)
My fucked ears!

Friend Status: Rejected.

DIRECTOR (Pop / Rock / Alternative)

Cut! 

Friend Status: Rejected.

Cowboy X (Alternative / Indie / Rock)

Cowboy Why?  ... Okay, that one was particularly weak, but i have a lot of bands to get through, and at least most of the other ones are interesting.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Lightning Type (Alternative / Rock / Pop)

Most of the other ones, anyway ...

Friend Status: Rejected.

Drunko (Punk / Hardcore / Crunk)

I always get disappointed when bands have drinking-themed names / schticks, but end up being able to actually kinda play.  Apparently they're not that hammered.  Long live Alcoholocaust. 

Friend Status: Rejected.

Public Record (Indie / Soul / Reggae)

The idea: Reggae/soul rhythm section, undisciplined indie-rock guitar interplay.  Great bass sound, but punishingly white.

Friend Status: Rejected.

The Wasted Wagon (Indie / Rock / Acoustic)

Normally, i'm a sucker for bands that don't bother / don't know how to tune their guitars, but this smacks me as being a little disingenuous.  Or maybe he's just that stoned.  Either way.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Spylacopa (Ambient / Experimental / Other) 

This is a bit like being deep in a cave with an underground pool, listening to drips from the stalactites.  Or is it stalagmites?  I get those confused.  Anyway, there might be a monster in the cave too.  Or there might be some hot chicks, posing provocatively.  Man, this act covers all the bases pretty well, don't they.  Anyway, i think one or more of the guys are in Dillinger Escape Plan, thereby proving that all modern hardcore kids are dabblers at heart.  Coming up next: A Static Lullaby's country record.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Midget (Pop Punk / Powerpop / Indie)

Hey everybody!  Midget's getting back together!  Just to get you psyched, they put up some long-forgotten tracks from 1997-8, the height of their game.  Which, i don't know about you, but i barely cared about stuff from 1997-8 in 1997-8.  Except that Yo La Tengo record, that was pretty dope.  Besides, last night's Weston / Sticks and Stones / Latex Generation show sated any of those left-over urges for that bygone era, perhaps permanently.  The good news for Midget, though: Pro Tools has gotten a lot more convincing sounding in the last decade.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Joseph Ferocious (Indie / Experimental / Death Metal)

Ah, indie rock.  It reminds me of those cabins made of tongue depressors you put together sloppily when you were a little kid, and your mom was very proud of you when you did that.  You probably recall those sorts of experience wistfully, but i do not.  Nor am i Mrs. Ferocious.  Put another way, i'm not exactly the target audience for this sort of stuff.  This is my effort to be less mean, and so far i think it's going well, don't you?

Friend Status: Rejected.

Imogene (Psychedelic / Jazz / Rock)

Heavy heat-haze-y jams.  The singer's a little "L.A." for my comfort, but on the plus side, two bass players!! Nice to see someone out there understands. 

Friend Status: Accepted.

JC Rx Music (Other / Indie / Electro)

This is what it sounds like when Jack Horkheimer is having a nightmare.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Third Estate (Rock / Pop / Punk)

Tonight on the WB: Jared learns a dark secret that may change his love for Courtney forever.  Featuring music by Third Estate.

Friend Status: Rejected.

FABS (Indie / Pop / Surf)

A "happy" Avril Levigne?  The Tiffany of surf?  From cold n' gloomy Scotland?  Doesn't give the lead singer much of a chance to sport that bikini she's so fond of, unless they tour the US soon.  Then again, the Trashmen ("Surfin' Bird") were from Minneapolis, so who am i to front?  Equally fun and captivatingly annoying, just like it should be.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Melochromatic (Rock / Indie / Progressive)

Monodramatic.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Kosmic Daydream (Rock / Psychedelic / Punk)

Bazooka Joe: "Hey, MsMR, how do i get from Jersey to Desmond's Tavern?"

MsMR: "Practice, practice, practice!"

Zing!

Friend Status: Rejected.

A Plea For Mercy (Metal / Hardcore / Gothic)

If you need an act to check out until the new Evanescence record drops, you're in luck.   From Arkansas, no less. Hey, i'm not trying to be (that) snide; i do go to minor league baseball games, after all.  Besides, the front woman is more than up to the task.  I almost wish i liked music like this.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Black Light Co. (Indie / Folk Rock / Emo)
"I'm the loneliest when you kiss me"?  Well ladies, don't say you weren't warned.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Desmond & the Tutus (Indie / Indie / Pop)

Er, no.

Friend Status: Rejected.

PAINT CAN (Other)

Ah, Christ it's that goddamn guy who had a bit part in Clerks again.  Don't bother unless you own at least three (3) articles of corduroy clothing.

Friend Status: Rejected.

jinn abide (Rock / Progressive / Indie)

Much like Pauline Kael's famous, disbelieving proclamation that "no one i know voted for Nixon", no one i know currently listens to grunge, even updated metal / math grunge like this.  But, this may be a sign of my NYC elitism, as here is yet another example of a band working hard and skillfully executing a sound that, let's be honest while we're snickering at how dopey and sincere we perceive them to be, would fare much better on an unpublicized tour of the US than any bands i like, and probably any bands you like / write about too.  Therein lies the rub about being "cool": you're constantly outnumbered.

Friend Status: Rejected.

And now, to throw the rest of the bands under a bus and call it a year.  Sorry GoodYear (Punk / Rock / Ska), Korbin (Rock / Garage / Punk), and Mississippi Witch (Rock / Alternative).  As for you dear reader, looking forward to a new year with you!

MsMR

Some first-attempt-ever live recaps, to supplement the few bands i feel like reviewing.  Perhaps it is because i am doing this instead of catching Padre Pio in the city this evening.  I'll catch you next time, boys.

Saturday, November 4th: As you may have willfully missed, New York's wonderful CMJ Music Festival. For those of you unfamiliar event, keep in mind first that the word 'festival' in the name makes about as little sense as the word 'party' in GOP.   Bands, fans and even venues tend to view the event as essentially an inconvenience.  Nonetheless, the more career-minded acts send in press packets months ahead of time, giddy at the prospect of a gig bearing the faint whiff of legitimacy, only to get stuck playing at some bar no one has ever heard of uptown, at 4pm on a weekday afternoon.  In front of who, exactly?  It was also disconcerting to see just how many bands panned in this forum had some key slots at some fairly reputable venues, but it was oddly reassuring to have proof that the whole affair is essentially pretty bogus.  Considering how far flung all the venues participating are, it's not like the streets were teeming with music, unless you happened to be hanging out at the Javitz Center. 

Not the most original set of observations i know, and most in New York were sick of the topic before the "festival" even began.  Nonetheless, my badge-free self did manage to catch a nice performance or two during the week, the best of which was Death of Fashion's wing-ding of a set in front of a nicely into-it crowd at the otherwise drab and not-very-good-sounding Fontana's.  If ye have not yet, please sample this L.I.C. (Qns) quartet as soon as possible.  Bouncy, driving, shambolic, simple, stretched out, young, seemingly effortless and just weird enough to be distinct without being annoying, with an A+ rhythm section and without an obvious flaw.  Two singers volley with borderline-belligerent crooning (from the part-time keyboardist) and demented, slightly unnerving yelps (from the band's sublime, but eerie guitarist).  Think the Fall with notes, the Doors without the "poetry" angle, the Strokes with personalities.  Actually, chuck all that aside – you probably hate all those bands – and just give them a listen.  They are the masterminds of this reviewer's 2nd most-listened-to CD of 2006 (Creeps and Lovers being the first, of course).

The Tom Waits-y brass and muscular, gypsy-like ululating of Nervous Cabaret followed nicely, but not nearly soon enough, as seeing them involved first slugging through B-Monster's K-mart cowboy racket.  Which is too bad because the songs on B-Monster's profile come across not-half-bad, but live it was clear they were dabbling with forces (American 50s hot-rod rock) they didn't understand.  A bassist might have helped, of course, but regardless, rodeo regalia on Brits is just plain wrong.  Better luck next band.

All that said, the highlight of this show, though, came during a wait for the bathroom.  I stood amidst a group of young folks from not-New York, but, presumably, an outlying area.  Along the wall to the right hanged a tryptic of late 70's-era photos of New York rock legends Lou Reed, Patty Smith and Joey Ramone.  One meathead asked "who's that lady in the middle?"  And, the guy next to him, with a faint trace of disgust said "Patty Smith," and though he said nothing, it was pretty clear Patty Smith was not even remotely on the first guy's radar.  "Ah, okay" he said, then adding, pointing to Reed, "'cuz i know that's Al Pacino."

Meanwhile, not far away, high, high CMJ-related ticket prices caused me to miss pals Breakup Breakdown, but apparently, their show was a right smash, especially when experienced in the context of being the only non-suburban emo band of the evening ...We had attempted earlier to see Stuart A. Staples of Tindersticks fame, but apparently he was Being A. Jerk and insisted on no photography for the performance.  Thus, the Girl, with badge, was turned away for having her rather comprehensive collection of camera gear in tow.  I was ambivalent (i wouldn't have been able to get into the $30 show anyway) and the Girl was actually relieved to not have to muck through more yuppie quiet-music, having already endured the dim, sanctimonious Lavender Diamond, the doughy shirtlessness of huckster-hicksters O'death and a whole other cavalcade of ersatz non-rock over the course of the week.  In fact, you can see it all here.  We departed and briefly wandered through douchebag-ville (read: Dumbo) until we stopped in for a drink at a bar that had roaches and a stunningly annoying bartender.

The only other CMJ show i had the pleasure of somehow getting in to was Brooklyn's favorite mustachioed rapscallions, The Giraffes at Greenpoint's ex-Polski pick-up disco, Studio B.  In fact, MsMR even got backstage, which would've been a real hoot had there been something other than Red Bull and French onion dip in the Green Room.  Drew Giraffe (god, i love calling people in bands by their first name and their band name!!) was kind enough to share some whiskey with me though, and the band, playing to an out-of-the-woodwork gaggle of goth kids there to see the entertaining but purely venal Mindless Self-Indulgence, managed to win quite a few converts despite awful sound.  Some crummy band opened, and human beat-box Kenny Muhammad rounded out the slapped together, only-during-CMJ, bill, but i missed the remainder of this show to play one of my own.  As for the venue itself, sure, a former Polish disco sounds like a real trip, but the intrigue ends once you transverse the club's trapezoidal entryway.

Saturday, November 11th:  This was a fun day.  Tipped off by a pal to a mini-tour of two Bay Area rock bands, i set out to catch a free show at Passout Records on Grand St.  A 3pm start time resulted in the first band going on at roughly 5, as the shops' co-owning couple were having a very public and at least half-drunken tiff, all to the street strains of a live Oblivians record.  But the show must go on, and once it did, the mood lightened and everything was swell.  The Husbands were out for blood, but had to settle for being a smash.  Three girls with matching dresses and an average of 31.3 teeth (do the math) banged and belted their way through a fun, scary garage set.  Especially rocking were a song with the hilarious chorus "B-I-L-L-Y Spells Heartbreak" and a perfectly executed cover of the Shanrgi-Las "Never Again."  Predictably, no bass, but the girls' wisely went the Oblivians route - of course - with simple drum bashing, and one guitar sludgy enough to fill the sonic role of the bass adequately ... Poppy trio The Makes Nice (featuring a great fucking guitarist from the otherwise annoying Fucking Champs) opened the show and did a fine job, too, considering the weirdness that preceded them.  They also taught me an awesome card game, commonly known as "Shithead" but shown to me as "Shit Stack," which is of course, much funnier.  An MsMR salute to pal Lauren, for introducing me to these bands, and getting me a beer … Boston's Turpentine Brothers - yet another bass-less band - were a snooze, as are most Boston bands, so MsMR split to get some tacos.  Yum!

Zachary Freshkill (see "Drew Giraffe" above) was in attendance and, being in a record store and similarly fascinated with obscure and burgeoning bands, he had a few musical suggestions and notions for me, the most lasting of which were:

A.  M83 are the worst band in history (and check them out, they are almost diabolically treacly), and

2.  Check out Live Fast Die.  Pretty good stuff, too - reminds me of Guitar Wolf - and i can go for any band that has a song named "PIZZA AND VOMIT." 

Nonetheless, upon sampling the works of those two bands, i considered my column and thought, "ah, i hear stuff that good / bad every damn week."  So, thus motivated, i attempted to put together twin lists from bands sitting in my "friend request box" that meet one of those two divergent criteria.  Here's what i came up with (put another way, some actual reviews!):

Even worse than M83:

Aaron Schroeder (Indie / Folk / Punk)
You know, when Johnny Cash was making music like this, people like Aaron Schroeder were listening to Pat Boone.  It's depressing when if you really think about it.

Puzzle Muteson (Acoustic / Folk / Shoegaze)
By the sounds of it, this guy misses Elliot Smith so much, it gave him cerebral palsy.

benjijustbenji (Folk Rock)
shittyjustshitty.

KILLOLA (Rock / Indie / Ghettotech)
This sounds like No Doubt being impersonated in a 12:55 am skit on Saturday Night Live.

FUTURE IN PLASTICS (Rock / Experimental / Pop Punk)
Hey, how come nobody told me Judy Tenuta was singing for Blue Oyster Cult now? 

A Denver Mile (Shorts / Sandals / Whiney)
Bazooka Joe: "Say MsMR, how long could you tolerate A Denver Mile?"
MsMR: "A New York Minute!"
Plop!

Hannah Speller (Pop / Alternative / Rock)
Dilettante mom makes Kate Bush for divorcees.  Thanks, lady.

Autopilots (Indie / Pop / Rock)
"Your eyes!  Are a sight for sore ... E-ey-ey-ey-eys!"  Just when panning bands is starting to feel like scrubbing the kitchen, these guys are a self-cleaning oven.

Poop Yer Pants (Experimental / Indie / Folk Rock)
A band named Poop Yer Pants can go one of two ways: a noisy, unwittingly "experimental" band by a group of high school smart-asses, which i would prefer; or third-generation Moldy Peaches folk stoner-in-the-woods stuff.  Why do i get my hopes up?

Some Guy (Acoustic / Folk Rock / Indie)
"You call yourself a reviewer? Any PROFESIONAL reviewer would NOT delve into SPECULATION about someone's PERSONAL life.

If you had actually reviewed my music I would laugh off your opinion of the music. Instead you make smart-ass remarks about what you believe my social life to be.

I guarantee you I get laid more than you and for you to go on your website and speculate otherwise is wrong.

Here's what you do: Remove my name and anything about me on your website and I won't have my lawyer get in touch with you about the charges he will present to you of personal slander.

This is a one time warning.

(Guy in Question)."

Almost as good as Live Fast Die:
(This proved tougher)

BRUSH (Indie / Alternative / Electronica)
Hilarious but sly, hooky electro-schmaltz, with simple melodies.  Finally, a live with laptop act that won't make you want to make the "hey can i check my e-mail?" joke.  I never thought i'd say it.

grand ole party (Big Beat / Club / Rock)
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs comparisons are uinevitable, but the g.o.p. is a bit simpler, blues-ier, more primal, and - get this - they have a bassist.  I'm sold.

Car-sick Cars (Rock / Indie / Shoegaze)
Chinese lucky art garage.  You know i can't say no to a band with the headline "Enjoy our panda noise ! "

Ahoi (Rock / Tropical / Other)
Demos made in haste reveal big croon-y poppy business.  It is nice to hear Mike Realistic on the bass again.  It's been too long.  Good stuff and these cats are just getting started so stay tuned.

Well, that cinches it: writing about stuff i *don't* like is a whole lot easier.

Mondaay, November 13th: A quick note about the Beat the Devil residency at the Knitting Factory.  Go.  See them.  Their sound and show are really beginning to take great shape - you could almost hear the harmonium this time - and they are just the band to expose just how demented Bo Diddley's "Who Do You Love" really is.  They'll be there Mondays through the 4th of December.  Worth the schlep, and the ducats.

Tuesday, November 14th:  Michael McDonald performed at the Waldorf=Astoria.  Yes, THAT Michael McDonald.  I was working as a will call guy / gift bag hander-outer for the Rita Hayworth Alzheimer's Gala (and i defy you to come up with a joke about THAT that i haven't heard before), and Mr. McDonald was the live entertainment for the $1000 / plate dinner.  Apparently i arrived just in time to miss his soundcheck, but caught a song or two of his short set.  Though most of the beard is gone, McDonald's voice has not changed one bit, as he lead a three piece band (himself on keys, plus a drummer and a neck-bobbing five-string bass player) and a McDonald's commercial-quality gospel backing through a short set of mostly Motown covers.   No "What a Fool Believes" and no "Ya Mo B There" either, sadly.  He did end with "Takin' It to the Streets", which had Dan Aykroyd and his wife busting some funky white-folks dance moves.  By the way, i'm not making any of this up.  Actually, the best part: Michael's outfit to such a fancy star studded evening? A too large black t-shirt and some beat up loafers.  Making this the second event i've been to as an employee of this company featuring an out-of-place performance by a former star in a too-big black t-shirt (The Smithereens at a trade show at the Javitz Center being the first).  Incidentally, you'd be surprised how excited people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year get when you give them a complimentary umbrella on an unseasonably warm evening, or maybe you wouldn't. 

Lastly, Michael McDonald is very nice and has a firm handshake.

Phew.  A more conventional column next week ...

Hi everybody.  Lots of bands this week.  Some of this stuff has been sitting in my "Friend Request" box for almost two months, and in that time, some of the acts reviewed here have decided that enough was enough and chose to sneak out the back door, thinking i wasn't paying attention.  Hell, some of them have probably broken up already.  But how wrong they were!  What follows is not every band in the pile, but most of them and some that were, and no longer are. 

* = accepted

WE'RE SOME AMERICAN BANDS: "Say Go" with the "action rock" of Phoenix's WHITE DEMONS (Rock).   Two guitars, bass, drums, rock songs about drinkin' and cancelled shows, beer-commercial quality hooks, the whole thing.  If this description appeals to you - and it probably does if you happen to live in Phoenix - by all means sign up ... While you're at it, check out The Compulsions (Rock / Punk / Blues), because it's pretty much the same thing, only, uh, "blues-ey-er" i guess.  Me, i'll be here, digging into my Candy Snatchers collection, yet again ... If you don't at least appreciate Wilco, you probably needn't bother with Long Island's The Corduroys* (Rock / Country / Pop).  And, by the sounds of it, i could handily defeat the singer in an arm-wrestling match.  But the band has a good grasp on songwriting and the accompaniment shuffles along nicely, especially the Creedence-y guitar lines  ...  Conversely, i have no doubt that last-night's-beer-bottles-for-breakfast type otis gibbs (Folk / Indie / Americana) could snap me in half if provoked, so i'm invoking the rarely-used "If you can't say anything nice" clause, and stepping slowly away, not turning my back.   

DIG THOSE KRAZY ELECTRONIC BEATS: The Valley Dolls (Alternative / Electro / Punk) have a whopping one song, a thrown-together demo at that; the Blow Waves (Electro / Punk / New Wave) come closest to approximating a male Yaz; Electra (Electro / Powerpop / Club) has the guile-free "This is My Art!"-camp-sound; Belgian couple eToy* (Electro / Pop / Rock) have the creative use of primary-colored body paint and a sound to match; and Deltawave (Electro / Indie / Disco House) has the best song titles and the most memorable material.  But all are like eating a can of frosting for lunch ... And you know a genre has lost its "edge" when people from Orlando are doing it.  That said, it could merely be the case that the Epcot Center is building some sort of incredibly comprehensive "Rock Sub-Genre" exhibit and Man and Machines (Industrial / Electro / Techno) are bucking to be the Teutonic splatter-techno installation ... As for Provo, UT's hidden ninja (Electronica / Drum & Bass / Industrial), the instrumental stuff is sufficiently brooding, but when the raps kick in, i feel like i'm at a Nuggets game.  Then again, my tastes in electronica pretty much start and end with DJ Shadow, so maybe you should just decide for yourself.      

METAL, SOME: Through Hell (Metal / Thrash / Hardcore) is this week's batch of screaming dudes in hoodies.  Sure, all the songs are Viking-friendly - and sound, like, exactly the same - but, no doubt, at least two of the guys will end up going through some sort of "we need to make our music more dance-y and electronic" phase in about two years, so enjoy it while it lasts.  Oh, and the background of their page, which looks like a still from Video Fireplace. So, that kinda rules ... Meanwhile, also keeping it "real" is Beyond All Reason (Rock / Metal / Rock), a bunch of black t-shirt-and-feelings types from the UK, with intermittently shrill vocals and weedley-wee guitar further blurring what's left of the line between modern emo and 80s fluffer-metal.  The hunch here is that at least two (2) of the dudes have the band name tattooed somewhere on their bodies ... Watch out, Evanescence!  Colporter (Rock / Metal / Hardcore) - fronted by a lefty, 5-string bass-playing chanteuse - boldly assert their claim San Diego's Number One Female Fronted Metal Band!  Location, location, location.    

THE "MOVEMENT" MOVEMENT: Three acts this week, vying for my Movement dollar.  Philly indie-noodlers pattern is movement (Indie / Progressive / New Wave) boasts a puzzling 1 : 1 song /  remix ratio, thus giving them a broader palate of ways to be formless and self-indulgent ... UK band White Rose Movement (Indie / Electronica) is that yelp-y Rapture-style professional rock that you go for but i do not.  Only this time, a twist, in the form of an occasionally female voice occasionally intermingling, ethereally.  Dance, young self-conscious people, dance! ...   My countrymen The Movement (Powerpop / Rock / Alternative) sound like The Jam if they just sort of shrugged and decided to take that nightly gig at The Sands Atlantic City.  It's official: "Movement" is a new must-avoid band buzzword.

ROUND THE HORN: Hey, The Tonic Bang* (Alternative / Rock / Pop), way to be a rock group of five Swedish teen girls, and NOT INCLUDE A FREAKIN' PICTURE ON YOUR PROFILE!!  But, the strange lyrics and Slater-Blue Van sound more than make up for this glaring omission, so, nicely done.  Still, making me determine your merits based on your music, that's kinda fucked up ... The MySpace Music Reviews Spirit Award goes to the drummer from Jimmy and the Wolfpack* (Rock / R&B / Rockabilly).  Rockabilly has always thrived on the element of danger a bit more than most forms of music, and since its 2006 and the possibility of a knife-fight breaking out is nil - especially somewhere as "tough" as Brooklyn - wondering if the drummer can make it through a whole song without the number completely collapsing is close enough.  Fun, Cramps-y stuff that goes good with $2 beer and girls with bangs ... On the flip side of that, the instinct-free drumming failing to propel State of Ohio (Rock / Indie) will get you right back in your seat, but maybe he's the appropriate choice for what is essentially Modest Mouse-on-steroids ...  In only took 15 years, but thanks to Rara Avis (Pop / Country / Rock), Italy finally has a 10,000 Maniacs to call their own ... Aluco (Indie / Ambient / Acoustic) is some wispy sounding acoustic guitar and piano daintiness, from Norway.  Clearly a distant descendent of someone not even remotely hearty enough to have been a Viking, and musically you can tell he seems to enjoy having all those dark cold hours to spend indoors.  In fact, the acoustic guitar string scrapes are by far the loudest thing in these tracks ... The Student Teachers (Alternative / New Wave / Punk) are a long forgotten band from the CB's classic era, putting the final defining touches on their legacy, the MySpace way!  Incidentally, on the subject of events of 1978-80, i won my 5th grade spelling bee, and i snagged the lead as an absent-minded professor in a play about nouns and verbs.  What's that?  You don't care?  Hmm ... Lastly, just so you don't think i hate everything that doesn't sound like beer, check out UK's The Clauberg Opera* (Alternative / Punk),  long engrossing stretches of lurching, overdriven instrumental doom, the sort of thing you still naively expect to go down at a Todd P show before being greeted by fake truckers reading poetry.  

THE OL' MAILBAG: The talented - or at least well-trained - fellows in cellar steps (Indie / Rock / Progrsv House) wrote, oh, back in late July or so, pointing out that they'd be flattered if i panned their two-man quirk rock act.  A backhanded dis, i suspect, but fuck it, i'm game, so here goes.  "NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!"

NAP TIME: The Donde Stars (Indie / Alternative / Powerpop), Chaser (Rock / Club / Electro), one dollar peep show (Electronica / Alternative / Pop), Crash the Satellites (Indie / Rock).      

THIS FINAL THOUGHT: Not that long ago, my band opened up for a man / act named Zed Never, a dude probably in his 50s who plays the bass, looks quite a lot like James Coburn and sings the hooks of fractured weird-uncle rock like "Pork Rinds" with gravely, a-melodic zeal.  I bring this up because i feel like he should pair up with slop-punk combo BaTz* (Rock / Garage / Punk), and their Mozart-melody-lifting hit "F.U." for one last show at the Continental before it turns into a grimy sports bar.  I mean, i'd be the only person in the audience, but i'd reeeeaallly be into it. 

Well, there you have it: i'm not even close to caught up.    Tune in next week, when i, in all likelihood, revert back to my trusty old band-reviewing formula.

MsMR

Revenge of Shinobi (Other)
Insistent, slowly-building double guitar n' rolling rhythm pieces, akin to Tom Verlain's or Sonic Youth's instrumental outings.  Crests nicely, like big cold waves.  I shall support their cause.
Friend Status: Accepted.

The Pandas (Rock / Pop / Psychedelic)
Droning rock with semi-sneering, laconic guy-n-gal vocals.  This act features a one-time Warlock, which makes sense.  If i suffered the misfortune of having to live in Las Vegas, i'd take one of their shows over a trip to the casino any night.  Then again, i'd take pretty much any fate not involving mutilation over a trip to a casino.  Regardless, good tunes.
Friend Status: Accepted.

Into White (Freestyle / Powerpop / Showtunes)
Mostly noisy dilettantism.  At its more inspired, the band reminds me a bit of the Butthole Surfers, but as the volumes drop, so does the intrigue.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Cavalcade (Rock / Indie / Experimental)
Erudite upstate New Yorkers while away the hours in their drab town with some stretched out instrumental exercises.  Repressed without ever being tense, build-ups that never build up into something.  Maybe they didn't want to piss off the neighbors.
Friend Status: Rejected.

my bicycle emergency! (Folk / Acoustic / Regional Mexican)
It's official: the world has run out of band names.  Sadly, it still has a surfeit of mope-y hippies.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Winterville (Rock / Alternative / Indie)
To think, most people embarrass themselves on TV and endure Dave Navarro just for a shot at being in a band like this, and these guys just go and start one of their own.  Are they allowed to do that?
Friend Status: Rejected.

Echo Helstrom (Indie / Rock / Classical)
The shtick here, according to the bio posted: the band is comprised classical and jazz trained musicians "simulating" a rock band. Which, i mean, bands have been simulating rock music with guitars and drums for just about the last ten years.  So, this might then, be a simulation of that simulation, and this is getting a little too meta for me, so i'm gonna have to say 'no.'  Oh, and they're from Portland.  And they're political.  How have i not gone insane yet?
Friend Status: Rejected.

NO MEANS YES (Rock / Rock / Rock)
Formerly the Very Fine Lines, the new name does nothing to mask the fact that it's the same crappy band as last time.  In fact, it's the exact same four songs as last time.  This is like changing your shirt when you're ugly.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Villa Vina (Progressive / Rock / Indie)
Math-y notes-n-noodles onslaught from Brooklyn.  I'll give them a shot based solely on the song title "Business Casual Sex."  Don't expect miracles, but i bet they're fun live.  Avoid reading the bio if you can.
Friend Status: Accepted.

54 Seconds(Alternative / Ambient / Rock)
Wow, 54 seconds is, in fact, about how long i could stand this singer's affected, warbly voice.  Good call!
Friend Status: Rejected.

Redlight Cinema(Indie / Progressive / Rock)
Loud n' jumpy minor chord-employing rock trio fronted by a singer with toxic levels of Rob Thomas-ness.  Just move to L.A. now and get it over with.  On the plus side, "Make Love to a Stranger" is a great name for a record.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Viva Machine(Rock / Pop / Alternative)
Say what you will about the Darkness, but at least it took more than one listen for the joke to wear off.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Seth Lakeman (Acoustic / Folk / Folk Rock)
Mix two parts string quartet, one part banjo, a heaping tablespoon of assorted nature imagery and about two quarts of suffocating earnestness.  Overbake.  Serves thousands.
Friend Status: Rejected.

The Antlers (Indie / Folk / Ambient)
Clearly, some bearded, falsetto-voiced acoustic guitar male-banshees are not taking my "DISLIKES" list very seriously.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Krylls(Punk / Psychedelic / Grunge)
Oh my god, this is awesome.  "I play geetara / I'm Che Guevara / I blast Sandista / Soy Anarchista / ANARCHY!!!" sung with an earnest commitment to being as annoying as possible, almost like the front man is the Fred Schneider of post-hardcore.  Loud, goofy, great.
Friend Status: Accepted.

SMF (Progrsv House / Techno / Trance)
I'm not certain where exactly on my profile i wrote "I <3 Guido-Disco and songs about drugs, mtherfuckerr" but, hey, accidents happen.
Friend Status: Rejected.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 28 (Originally Posted: August 4, 2006) Because i'm about two dozen bands behind, i've taken a few short cuts with the reviews, for the sake of convenience.  And yet, this still took me well over 4 hours to write.  Egads. Alterkicks (Rock / Indie / Rock) Coldplay cheers up. Friend status: Rejected. Bell Hollow (Alternative / New Wave / Shoegaze) A note to all bands: the artists you cherish and revere never took themselves NEARLY as serious as you do.  Especially not the Smiths. Friend status: Rejected. Casa (Experimental / Rock / Other) Italian band specializes in ... noodling.  You saw that one coming down Grand St., didn't you. Friend status: Rejected. clutter  (IDM / Experimental / Ambient) Guitar-n-delay ambient music.  I could do without the Irish dame reading poetry, but the other tracks are stark and sufficiently disquieting, even on a sunny day like today.  "Tree Falling Slowly" is the best example here. Friend status: Accepted. Electric Mantra (Alternative / Rock / Indie) Novelty new-wave crooner who has yet to meet an easy rhyme he didn't like.  For instance: "you will never ever have to fake / like the porn stars at the fake-and-bake."  Mantra's either a bit too smart or a bit too dumb to really pull this stuff off, though, to his credit, i can't tell which it is.  Friend status: Rejected. Footsteps on Mars (Ambient / Alternative / Experimental) ** We're sorry! This reviewer has exceeded his one-experimental-act-per-column quota.  Please try your request again later. ** Friend status: Rejected. General Miggs (Other) Because i'm not really sure what to say about this band, even after at least a dozen listens, i'm instead going to put together an all-military-rank list of songs and bands.  Starting with General Miggs, we'd next go to Col. Tom Parker, Major Tom, Capt. N. Tennille, Sgt. ... Pepper, i suppose.  Ugh ... Corporal Clegg, and, Pvt. Dancer. Well, that was fun. Friend status: Rejected, although "Operator" is pretty rockin'. Kevin Cahoon and Ghetto Cowboy (Glam / Punk / Rock) One-time Hedwig and rising star of stage, Kevin Cahoon is getting the opportunities and the accolades that really should be going to Semi-Precious Weapons, who have a superior singer and MUCH better songs. Ah, ain't that always the way ... Friend status: Rejected. LaptopAcidXperience (Techno / Electronica / House) This is conflicting wildly with my DesktopCoffeeXperience. Friend status: Rejected. Levellers (Folk Rock / Folk / Punk) This British band features a cowboy hat, an electric violin and a dude with dreads playing bass.  Take that, NME. Friend status: Rejected. The Lost Patrol (Surf / Pop / Lounge) Mazzy Star with spaghetti-western flourishes.  Gets a little samey by song number 4, but overall, pretty refreshing. Friend status: Accepted. Madina Lake (Rock / Punk / Electronica) More kids and their damn feelings. Friend status: Rejected. The Midnight Hours (Rock / Folk Rock / Southern Rock) Swingin', slightly klutzy country rock, with vocals fairly reminiscent of White Stripes duets.  And, a Japanese drummer!  Fun stuff, but i'm sort of surprised they hail from New York City, as this sort of chicken-and-canned-beer sound is usually something you more closely associate with ... Brooklyn. Friend status: Accepted. THE OUTSIDE (Post Hardcore / Rock / Alternative) Not as generic as their name, as if it were possible.  Mostly, heavy, moody and better than you'd expect from a female-fronted band who's singer is named "Tree."  Still, not really sending me. Friend status: Rejected. Parka (Indie) America : dumb ::  England : hyper Friend status: Rejected. The Passive Aggressives (Alternative / Rock / Grunge) With song titles such as "Evil Clown" and "Tool Shed", i really wanna like this band.  With that Alanis Morrisette / white funk sound, i feel dirty even considering it. Friend status: Rejected. RED ROCKET (Western Swing / Trance / New Wave) Just call it a hunch, but i bet these guys smell quite a bit like coke b.o.  And despair.  Friend status: Rejected. Sara Hawley & The Bang Bang Club (Indie / Alternative / Pop Punk) British rock music product.  Friend status: Rejected. Spencer Bates (Pop / Rock / Indie) From doorway on stage left, enter Elton John, looking disgusted.  "Aw man, somebody Spencerbated all over my piano!" Friend status: Rejected. stirling (Indie) No energy, no hooks, no thanks. Friend status: Rejected. THEY WALK AMONG US (Rock / Progressive / Indie) Yes!  Another modern rock band from the UK with "soundscapes!" Friend status: Rejected. TIGHTROPE! (Blues / Classic Rock / Rockabilly) This band would sound good at a backyard barbecue.  If the main dishes at the barbecue were frozen burgers on Wonder bread and potato salad made with Miracle Whip.  On a metal table.  On concrete. Friend status: Rejected. Voodoo Loons (Alternative / Psychedelic / Garage) As a rule of thumb, never listen to anyone or anything with the word "voodoo" in it. Friend status: Rejected. The Voyces (Rock / Acoustic / Indie) How much you like this act will be in direct proportion to how many ferns you own.  Me, i'm gonna go listen to Fun House twenty times in a row now.  See you next time. Friend status: Rejected. Previous editions (how did your band fare?): Seven-and-Twenty - Z - XXV - 24 - 23 - 22 - XXI - 20 - Nu-Nu-Nu-Nu-Nineteen - Eighteen - XVII - Sweet Sixteen - XV - Quatorze - 13 - 12 - 11 - Ten - IX - 8 - VII - Six - Cinco - IV - iii - II - 1 (and brief Statement of Intent) 10:34 AM - 5 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle This is fucking hilarious. You should do all reviews like this. Can i start referring my band requests to you? -Pvt. Dancer Posted by DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 11:36 AM [Reply to this] Stephen I usually prefer the longer format, but this was a particularly entertaining issue of reviews. Ha ha, Collisionville is friends with the Passive Aggressives. When I'm logged on as Collisionville, I have a policy of accepting friend requests from all Bay Area bands, without listening first. But I'm not surprised from their name that they suck. Posted by Stephen on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 11:45 AM [Reply to this] Dylan How about this Sgt.? But I third the above two comments -- this post was a riot. Posted by Dylan on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 12:00 PM [Reply to this] manjamas coke b.o. Can you use that in a sentence everyday please? Posted by manjamas on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 7:00 PM [Reply to this] jeff i realize i'm alittle late to the party, as usual, but i really think the noodling crack is one of my favorite all time jens jokes. I'm really easy to amuse. BTW...I was outta town, get me that cd!!!! Posted by jeff on Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 7:53 AM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. Seven-and-Twenty (Originally Posted: August 4, 2006) Some fine music these last couple of nights. You know now about our trip, gratis, to see the jaunty, grunting assault of Dillinger Escape Plan at the wonderful Bowery Ballroom. Last night, we moseyed down to Piany's to see Brownbelt and Death of Fashion, two fine acts i hadn't caught in over a year. I regret that, by arriving at 10.40 pm for a 10 o'clock set, we missed "the Belt" completely. But at least i got to tell them their new stuff sounds great, which it does. And Death of Fashion are a terrific act if you haven't peeped them yet, equally hip, goofy and eerie, with an A+ rhythm section and a dash of flamboyance. Tonight: the great experiment as Baby Dayliner performs with a backing band for the first time (unless you count the late, lamented Body Rock). Jesse and Roz of the even-more-missed Vitamen support, along with a bassist i'm pissed isn't me. Ah well. Living in Polaroids (Folk / Indie / Acoustic) We replaced Catpower's heroin with rich, dark Folgers Crystals. Let's hear what happens ... Would i enjoy her live? Living in Polaroids (nee Kristina Stapelfeld) is putting a band together, so please hold. Profile highlight: You mean aside from the Bukowski quote? Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: As you might have guessed, this isn't normally my kind of thing, but the songs are quite lovely, so, sure. For fans of: Flowers. Wrapping Paper (Indie) One-man Twin City no-fi. The comparison to Guided By Voices is unavoidable. Fruity at times, but amiable and well-executed. Why not. Would i enjoy them live? n / a. Profile highlight: This is unrelated but has anyone ever given or gotten wrapping paper for a present? And if so, was it wrapped? Or is that just too meta. Songs heard (out of 4): A few. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Sensitive boys. Ruthie (Electronica / Pop / Rock) I'm pretty sure this was recorded at the mall. In 1989. Hastefully. Lest i sound out of touch with the kids, i disliked this sort of stuff when i was in my teens, too. Would i enjoy her live? Has anyone noticed i forgot to answer this question a couple times over the last two columns? Profile highlight: One of her 'Top 8' friends is ... Fender? Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Hillary Lohan. Todd Chandran (R&B / Hip Hop / Soul) Just when you thought every act in Portland smelled like patchouli and played bicycle pumps on stage, whitey here attempts some smoooooth R&B and ends up sounding like Phil Collins over hot-beats. Which just goes to show, you never know in life. Would i enjoy him live? Er, no. Profile highlight: Blogs that consist entirely of quotes from other people. Think for yourself, pal. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: McDonald's. Padre Pio (Rock / Glam / Indie) A wonderful mix of 80s-pop anthem-schmaltz, early Roxy Music weirdness, sweeping Pulp keyboards and production flourishes, odd-great lyrics, smart-assed but never jokey, i'm into it immensely. There's even a sax solo, be still my heart. Here's hoping they want to do a show with Career Club. Would i enjoy them live? Yes. Profile highlight: "He reminds you of dad / so you're going home with him tonight" might be the best lyric in the history of this column. Songs heard (out of 4): Four, all downloaded. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Music. ollie byrd (Rock) Hideous, but - with material ranging from acoustic guitar / Modest Mouse / indie-lumberjack crap to an utterly pointless cover of "Cum On Feel the Noize" - at least it's a wide array of hideous. Still, Byrd's "efforts" would seem to have no function other than keeping himself out of the Irish bar for those extra few hours a week. And you should know that, when you move to New York City, you kinda forfeit your right to be this half-assed. Would i enjoy him live? No. Profile highlight: It looks like he went and changed all of his songs before i had a chance to drop this review. But the connection at Bryant Park (where i am right now) is wicked slow, and nothing about his previous tunes is really compelling me to give him a second chance. Too little, too late, pal. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Canned beer. Wild, Wonderful (Indie / Southern Rock) Neither. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: None. Songs heard (out of 1): One. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Jen Chapin (Folk Rock / Soul / Jazz) NPR-approved soul-jazz lightweight, with a lineage that assures her things such as, oh, accolades from NPR. And congrats on the new kid, Jen, but remember there are no more onerous songs than songs about babies, and when you pine away for the "Real NYC" that, if you tried to wow people from the Real NYC with this dreck, you would've gotten Rheingold bottles thrown at you. Would i enjoy her live? No way. Profile highlight: I finally got to use the word 'dreck' in a review! Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Here, just read this. Well, eight down, 14 to go. Yikes. Previous editions (how did your band fare?): Z - XXV - 24 - 23 - 22 - XXI - 20 - Nu-Nu-Nu-Nu-Nineteen - Eighteen - XVII - Sweet Sixteen - XV - Quatorze - 13 - 12 - 11 - Ten - IX - 8 - VII - Six - Cinco - IV - iii - II - 1 (and brief Statement of Intent) 1:54 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment Todd Chandran For the record, I don't sound like Phil Collins and I have both orginal blogs and quotes. They're meant to inspire people which work better than tearing others down. By the way, I'm vegetarian and I don't do Mikey Ds and if you can't bother to listen to all of my songs, then you don't have the right or authority to write about them. Posted by Todd Chandran on Monday, August 07, 2006 at 3:18 AM [Reply to this] freshkills OMfuckingG!  Awesome.  I can't believe Phil Collins responded.  That's too sweet for words.  Speaking on behalf of the vegetarians in FreshKills (and presumably, the entire Earth.  Or at least Earth Crisis)- we don't want him.  McDonalds is welcome to him.  Posted by freshkills on Wednesday, August 09, 2006 at 7:19 PM [Reply to this] The Screamer I need to pay much more attention to your Blog! Posted by The Screamer on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 8:23 AM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. Z (Originally Posted: July 13, 2006) Okay, i think i'm finally caught up on friend requests.  They were backing up for a while.  I'm trying to expound a little bit on my thoughts / impressions on hearing the samples of these bands, for pretty much the sole purpose of making this a bit more of a legitimate (read "marketable?") column.  Needless to say, i much more enjoy just being curt and generally dismissive, but i couldn't defend it having more of a purpose than my own entertainment, and it felt like a disservice when not well done.  My little column is growing up. (That said, does anyone actually read this thing?  Or should i stick to topics such as Burger King?  Because i'm more than happy to do that.  Burger King played prominently in a dream i had a few nights ago, but i can't remember how, or anything other than it did.  Gosh, talking about dreams is boring.) Lastly, i'm not sure how to go about reviewing labels, seeing as how discussing each one takes about four times more effort.  Especially since most smaller labels are the enterprise of one person and are essentially extensions of their tastes, and part of having good taste is not being able to categorize or describe it concisely.  So, instead, if a label contacts me for potential friendship, i will just include links if i enjoy over all what they do, so you can sample their wares for yourself.   In fact, here are two now: Arclight (Metal / Hardcore / Rock) and Brassland (Indie / Alternative / Other). The Alps (Indie / New Wave / Surf) You know what would be cool about being a band from the UK?  When you finally decided to embark on a tour, you'd be going to places like France, and Italy and Frankfurt and Lichtenstein and stuff.  Or, at least it's tenable.  Here, you're stuck with going to, i don't know, Columbus.  This sort of (relative) mono-culturalism is how things like Bob Segar happen.  Then there's the fact that the UK has it all over the US, historically and currently, when it comes to white pop music.  So, when a band crops up like the Alps, whose competent-if-derivative pop stylings would ring quite hollow coming from a Brooklyn band (and often do), it doesn't sound as if their forcing the issue.  As much.  Obviously, though the downside: since they're from the UK, it's doubtful i'll ever see them live, or meet them.  They're not bad, but what's the point? Would i enjoy them live? Maybe. Profile highlight: In "World At War," the hilariously over-emphasized chorus, "Whoa, oh, you MAKE THINGS BETTER!" Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Modern '80s revival bands. The Designer Drugs (Punk / Rockabilly / Glam) Fun but largely by-the-numbers punk-a-billy stuff.  The Drugs's singer boasts maybe a two-note range and the whole band seems to tire easily.  And if you're going to set the bar this low, you'd better jump over it. Would i enjoy them live? Beer would help. Profile highlight: The out-of-nowhere piano playing on "Atomic Dance Flu," which almost sounds like it's coming from the next studio. Songs heard (out of 2): Two. Friend status: Nah. For fans of: Tuesday nights at The Continental. The Midnight Show (Rock / Folk / Other) I've never seen much mention of this, but have you ever noticed that, when the piano is the lead instrument in a band, how uncomfortable the rhythm section ends up sounding?  The approach most use to playing and composing on the piano, tending towards stomping quarter-notey rhythm, fast runs and flourishes and not-quite walking tempo, almost reduce the drummers to big, drab metronomes, thus dragging the energy of the piano playing into its mucky sink-hole.  Meanwhile the bassist is trapped in a musical no-man's land, made redundant by the pianist's left hand and not being able to elevate tempo or feel much, and struggles to figure out what his / her role is.  And this is not (necessarily) an indictment against the players themselves.  It's a rhythmic schism resolved only by jazz and '50s rock, it would seem.  Or maybe i just like hyper music?  I would've hated to be a rhythm player in Elton John's band, that's for sure, and they did a much, much better job than Billy Joel's (and pardon my ignorance, but Tori Amos has had drummers too, right?).  Well-composed piano pieces really don't need such accompaniment anyway, and my hunch is, it's done to compensate for the fact that most current players - justifiably - aren't up to dragging a piano around and are stuck with a chintzy, and chintzy-looking, keyboard to be feeling naked on stage with.  In summation, the Midnight Show features some nice compositions, a beautiful voice, good piano playing and parts, and two completely unnecessary players. Would i enjoy them live?  Tough call. Profile highlight: All that said, they mistakenly lead off with by far their most plodding, least effective piece ("All the Water") and they should consider bumping one of their other songs up.  Hey, i'm just trying to help. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of four. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Piano balladry. The Killer Heels (Electronica / Funk) Walking the very thin line between "edgy"-club-glam-electro and something you would hear at the Garden during a TV time-out at the Rangers game.  Madonna is the only person really allowed to attempt music this inane, and that's just because it's fun to watch her embarrass herself. Would i enjoy them live? Well, the singer is pretty.  And we all know how exciting pretty women are. Profile highlight: See above. Songs heard (out of samples of 2): Both. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Eating ice for lunch. The Winter Market (unclassified) One singer sounds just like Robert Smith and one just like Nick Drake.  Why are people so afraid of using their own voices?  After all, those guys did.  Would i enjoy them live? Pick 'em. Profile highlight: There's a real scarcity of information here, and not too many fans yet, so i think their just getting it together. Songs heard (out of 2): Parts of two. Friend status: Accepted.  Although, the choruses could use work. For fans of: Any and all Brooklyn bands. AM (Folk Rock / Americana / Acoustic) Thanks to AM, the term "lifeless" has a new spokesperson. Would i enjoy them live? I wouldn't last ten seconds. Profile highlight: In August, he's performing live at an APPLE store on Santa Monica Boulevard.  God, i hate music sometimes. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Watching paint dry. Actualities (Rock) Big song-based rock, kind of like a less-weenie Smithereens.  Not bad on its own, but hearing this after listening to AM is like getting out of the hot car on the highway and jumping straight into the cold, wonderful ocean. Would i enjoy them live? Sure. Profile highlight: Okay, someone please explain what's up with Israelis and the damn dreadlocks. Songs heard (out of 4): Four. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Above-average rock bands. 9:31 AM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

	mikki	As one who has been reading your blog for what, six yrs now (that is a little scary), I would love to not see any more reviews. I love every single other thing you type tho. And it's not you, I just find reviews of almost all things tiresome. Posted by mikki on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 12:04 PM [Reply to this]

	Jens Here.	I'm halfway with you.  It's just that i found, previously, i would automatically delete all requests from bands.  Doing this piece has assured that A) i actually give the bands a chance, which is all i would ask of others as a musician myself, and / or 2) that either i or those reading this might connect with a band they may not have otherwise, as, most people reading this column are at least somewhat familiar with my tastes and can discern if there is anything in a new act for them.  The sheer volume of writing i've done in this category is worth it everytime a band like NaNuchKa or BIG dwarf comes along, especially considering how specific my tastes can be. That said, i would urge those who read this to listen to the bands themselves, and even weigh in, as it this whole thing has felt like an incredibly one-sided conversation up to this point. Posted by Jens Here. on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 2:27 PM [Reply to this]

	mikki	Well i still think you should pitch it to spin.com or rolling stone.com. Posted by mikki on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 3:34 PM [Reply to this]

	Tris McCall	piano, bass & drums arrangements do require more tlc than guitar, bass & drums arrangements do.  but i don't think it's anything that would stump a good piano player, or a good arranger.  donald fagen didn't have any problem on *pretzel logic*.  you call out billy joel, but he's actually the first counter-example to come to my mind, even before fagen and randy newman.  liberty devitto and doug stegmeyer were a really expressive rhythm section.  they were always able to come up with interesting parts, even when billy joel was all over the keyboard.  in the late seventies they'd just get bombastic, but that was the style.  i think of *turnstiles* as a showcase for all three guys.  a player with a good left hand can strand a bass player (bruce hornsby does, sometimes, though he never loses track of his dialogue with john molo), but in practice, it often works the other way around.  there's a long tradition of bass players deliberately overplaying in pb&d arrangements to the point of stepping on the left hand and grinding it into the dirt, especially when the piano player is a girl and the bass player is a guy.  this goes all the way back to *tapestry*, and you hear it on the most recent tori amos records, too.  consider that tori amos has about as good a left hand as you can get, and she is a megalomaniac, and you begin to see how pervasive the problem is.  the resurgence of pb&d arrangements has a lot to do, i think, with chris "beans" geddes finding that exact spot on the piano where he can bounce around between three chords and not interfere with the jump of the rhythm section.  and that has been enormously influential, and hundreds of bands (and at least one that i'm in) has copied the b&s arrangement approach.  so bands that have followed b&s -- particularly indiepop bands -- don't really worry about the bass register at all, and instead keep the piano in a much tighter midrange slot than a strummed guitar would take up.  and i think that's been to the benefit of those arrangements, making them much airier and freer. then there are the players like kori gardner and kathryn calder who are actually so good that they forego the bass player altogether, and you don't even notice it.  i don't think anybody who has seen mates of state in concert has ever though "boy that band needs a bass player", and not just because they don't want to triangulate the relationship between gardner and jason hummel.  but those are two in a million.  the midnight show doesn't have a player the caliber of kori gardner or kathryn calder, let alone joni mitchell and jaco pastorius.  but they're young, their songs are good, and they're still working out their arrangements.  i think those recordings are pretty old.  they'll figure it out.  Posted by Tris McCall on Friday, July 14, 2006 at 1:22 PM [Reply to this]

	Stephen	I always enjoy reading your music reviews, and I think it's a great idea. I've told a few friends around here about it, and they all think it's pretty funny and clever. So I vote that you keep it up, whether you pitch it to anybody else or not. I'd listen & judge for myself, but  I have lousy dial-up at home, so  it doesn't really work. If we finally upgrade to DSL, then I'll start checking the stuff out & chiming in once in a while. Posted by Stephen on Sunday, July 16, 2006 at 9:36 AM [Reply to this]

	suzanne	I'd say that I agree with Mikki.  I basically just like to read what you write.  I never will understand why you don't like the Beatles, though.  I'm simple like that, I guess. Posted by suzanne on Sunday, July 16, 2006 at 9:45 AM [Reply to this]

Paula Carino

I enjoy reading these reviews. It makes me feel good to know that someone cares enough to listen to and write about this stuff. It's like reading about borneo snakes at the Science News blog: a small corner of the world, briefly illuminated. Posted by Paula Carino on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 11:41 AM [Reply to this]

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. XXV (Originally Posted: July 11, 2006) Syd Barrett has died at the age of 60.  Apparently, it was due to complications from diabetes.  For those of you not up on your Pink Floyd lore (approximately no one who reads this, i'm guessing), he, essentially, had the ignominious honor of being kicked out of the band for doing too many drugs, which almost seems superhuman. ( Not that the other guys ever did anything but smoke pot, but anyway.)  I've always wondered just how much to believe that apocryphal anecdote about Barrett unexpectedly visiting the studio when Pink Floyd was recording  Wish You Were Here, their tribute to him.  And, as for the Floyd, i find it odd and funny that their best song was written about Syd Barrett, rather than by him.  But, "Lucifer Sam" ruled, obviously, and his first solo album, The Madcap Laughs is simultaneously beautiful and embarrassing, and more than a bit heart-breaking.  Anyway, it seems sometimes there is a choice you have to make between a career and a legacy, and i don't think most make that choice willingly.  Unlike his estranged band, Syd Barrett owes his fame to the fact that he existed only for a short time, one brilliant burst a long, long time ago, and this may have been the case even if Pink Floyd packed it in pre- Dark Side.  I'm sure a lot of folks assumed Barret was dead already anyway.  Not to sound grim, but you wonder (or at least, i do) if, in spite of their massive success post Syd, if anyone else's death in Pink Floyd will conjure up the same melancholy from fans. In unrelated news, the MySpace Music player is really acting up, with each tune being interrupted with long, annoying pauses.  It's for the love of music and you, dear reader, that i muck through even in these less than optimal conditions.  Fortunately, there's some good jams this week. Purefoy (Indie / Experimental / Other) More yuppie make-out music, soul-suckingly mid-tempo, acoustic guitar-driven with big, empty dynamics.  I'm not sure if it's VEO or VOX doing the occasionally pitch-corrected singing, but he has one of the more affected voices i've heard doing this column, and that's saying something. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: None. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Skinny lattes. BIG dwarf (Psychedelic / Progressive / Experimental) I've listened to these tracks about six times already.  It sounds as if those electronica and dance-punk obsessed Brits have finally discovered the cosmic thrill of the first Blue Oyster Cult record.  Sure, it's a bunch of recordings of rehearsals, but the low-fidelity adds to the air of goofy/creepy inscrutability, and the singer's low warbling and illegibility reminds me a bit of Spiral Stairs before he started singing about buying furniture.  Plus, this is some of the most well-used synthesizer i've heard in a rock context in a long time.  Bands like this make me glad i keep doing this column, as rare as they are. Would i enjoy them live? Hell, yes. Profile highlight: TOM dwarf plays the "Tomotronic" patented electric guitar system.  If things break like they should, it could join the "Stun guitar," the "Ostrich guitar" and "Frippertronics" in the pantheon of great made-up guitar technology. Songs heard (out of 4): Four. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Self-effacement; budget psychedelia; demo tapes; people who won't be disappointed if the band isn't actually comprised of dwarves. The Muggabears (Indie / Experimental / Other) Inspired by Pavement's torpor and indifference, apparently to the exclusion of their sense of humor and decent hooks, this Brooklyn band's appeal is probably limited to grad students and the similarly smarty-pantsed.  Rhythmically, they might as well be a bowl of plain pasta, and references to Boolean logic and "attentive architecture" (?) in their credits don't exactly scream "rock," do they.  Besides, The Muggabears?  That's like naming your band "Please Don't Like Us." Profile highlight: Not their dismal photo section.  So, i guess, their dismal photo section. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Staying in and playing Scrabble on Saturday night. Peyoti for President (Alternative / Acoustic / Punk) This sounds kind of like Negativland attempting a cut-and-paste project using old Cuban records, then giving up an hour into it.  The world-politic platitudes are predictably sophomoric - and unnecessary - and musically, their material almost takes the form of a highlight reel (which it very well might be). Thankfully, Peyoti and pals justify their unusual approach by occasionally, effectively, playing it straight.  That said, Peyoti's goal is to make me think.  I'd rather just listen. Would i enjoy him live? Sure. Profile highlight: This. Songs heard (out of 4): All four, although one "song" is actually just a speech. Friend status: Accepted. For fans of: Music / acts with a "message." CRASH BERLIN (Electronica / Indie / Club) Don't you kind of feel sorry for people who actually need dance music to dance?  To me, electronica, when done well, better plays the "mindless-but-entertaining" role once filled by bubblegum music.   Ladytron's "17, Not 21" comes to mind. But, considering the economy (paucity) of lyrics these songs tend to have, you'd better come up with better tag-lines than "I know you know what i want / I know you know what i need / I know you know what i crave" to repeat repeatedly.  As for the dancing part, this stuff is strangely lethargic sounding, rather than the usual dreamy or trance-inducing.  Put CRASH BERLIN back in; it's still not done yet. Would i enjoy them live? Doubtful. Profile highlight: A whole heap of name dropping.  Good ol' L.A. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Three years ago. 1:36 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment Peyoti for President My friend, You aren't the sharpest tool in the box mister critic man are you. The sound files we uploaded 'were' actually bits of songs stuck together, that's why they sound that way, although were you get the Cuban bit from is actually very funny. Arabic scales and flamenco rythmns don't feature heavily in Cuban music you know (just because you heard the familiar cow bell/agogo for a few bars - arh, bless..). You are completely missing the point and the celebration in what we're doing. We are crossing styles and cultures (musically speaking) because its enjoyable and because you don't have to be from a specific place to enjoy our music. Song 4 is not a song and was never intended to be. It's fun and has a deeper level that may encourage you to think. We don't come from a high and mighty place and we're not trying to preach. We're trying to entertain and unite which is what music is all about. Still in good old American fasion you can not be happy with that and you have to justify your own existance by attempting (rather pathetically I have to add) to criticise. Best wishes all the same. Your mother xx       Posted by Peyoti for President on Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 5:41 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 24 (Originally Posted: June 21, 2006) What's your favorite CD by a friend's band? This was a topic of conversation yesterday. Hans voted for the Vitamen (although which CD i don't know. Presumably Children of the Bear) narrowly over Fresh Kills' Creeps and Lovers.  The latter gets my vote, even over Baby Dayliner's new one.  Have you heard it yet?  I know if i talk it up, most readers will think i'm doing so just because Fresh Kills are friends of mine.  But, seriously, it totally outdistances anything i've heard via MySpace in, what, this calendar year?  Nothing but bands that sound like they don't mean it.  Well, Pink Noise is pretty good.  But then, doing this column, i fall into this trap where i listen quite intently to the selections i'm being offered, and i start to find merit in stuff i would NEVER listen to normally, like "well, it's not my thing, but that's a nice guitar line ..."  And then i switch back to a track of Creeps and Lovers for a palate cleanser, and it's like getting water thrown on you.  So, sorry bands, but it looks like you picked a bad week to come a-courtin'. Proud Simon (Indie / Country / Experimental) Deftly straddles the line between dull and bad in a way you thought only Will Oldham was capable of. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: Hitting the "back" button. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Pete's Candy Store. Green Arrows (Indie / Rock) Sad and pretty and melancholy and tinged slightly of bitterness, just like a rainy day.  Another goddamn rainy day.  I would've sworn that, by now, the middle of this still-unnamed decade, we would've seen the triumphant rise of some sort of new Punk Rock movement that, with a cleansing blaze, would have eradicated from the World of Rock these sorts of emotionally self-indulgent mopes (you know, much like those emotionally self-indulgent mopes Nirvana wiped out hair metal oh so long ago).  Alas, if anything the problem is just getting worse.  You know, instead of resisting it, make the fact that no one cares about your feelings work in your favor for once.  I assure you, it's very liberating. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: Their next gig is at a place called "Chubby's." Songs heard (out of 3): Three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: "Very Special" episodes of WB dramas.    Houston Bernard (Electro / Punk / Alternative) Jock-strap Jams? Techno-sexual? Frooty-Bass?  Whatever it is, this guy makes Roobie Breastnut sound downright nuanced. Would i enjoy him live? Quite possibly. Profile highlight: This week's use of the word 'revolution.' Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Unambiguity.   R. U. O. K (Alternative / Rock / Indie) This week's Radiohead knock-off.  "Formed in an art and music conservatory in New York" just kind of says it all here. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: Sadly, their awful logo. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Yawning.   The Flask (Rock / Classic Rock / Metal) Ex- member of Kid Rock's backing band.  Do i really have to review this?  It's too nice out. Would i enjoy them live? Nah. Profile highlight: The band provides us with a definition of the word 'flask.' Songs heard (out of 2): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Product.   Quick Release (Indie / Garage / Rock) Dinky spook-o guitar stuff.  There are some good parts here and there, but when bands like this aren't Japanese, the magic just vanishes. Would i enjoy them live? If only they weren't playing at Tommy's Tavern, which, back when i lived in Greenpoint, was known as "that shithole down the street." Profile highlight: I don't recall, something about cookies. Songs heard (out of 2): Two. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Old t-shirts from Daycare Centers. The Very Fine Lines (Rock / Rock / Rock) Almost compellingly bad.  I know i keep talking about "bring back the fun rock" and loud guitars and such, but this isn't fun, it's empty.  These schmoes wouldn't know a good song if their record collections fell on them. Would i enjoy them live? Probably not. Profile highlight: The all-hot-dame Top 8, of course. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: 2002. Death Before Shame (Rap / Hip Hop / Club) Sleepy Stunna in the house.  For a form of music that prides itself on outlaw imagery, these hip-hop cats sure do play by the rules when it comes to the actual tunes.  As it is, i hear more than my fill of this kind of stuff just leaving my bedroom window open at night, so thanks but no thanks. Would i enjoy him live? Maybe. Profile highlight: DBS is from ... Honolulu?  Where's the song about THAT? Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: The erradication of bitch-ass-niggaz.   Rob Gnarley (Punk / Emo / Jam Band) A pot-themed Happy Flowers, an in-joke that only the originator gets. Would i enjoy him live? n / a. Profile highlight: I guess the photo of the guy with the banjo, unwitting participant to this that he is. Songs heard (out of 4): Technically, are these even songs? Friend status: Rejected. For fans of: Dudes who smell like body odor and Doritos. 6:59 AM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment Elaine O'Brien I'm with you on the Freshkills record. I haven't been this proud of Zack since he quit Mars Bar. Posted by Elaine O'Brien on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 9:57 AM [Reply to this] mechanic it didn't occur to me until just now that since i turned 15 on myspace, i have avoided being courted by bands altogether. and apparently, i have not missed it in five months. my vote would be fuzzplug (reviewed in #4) and this song called "summertown" which has invaded my head. Posted by mechanic on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 7:48 PM [Reply to this] mechanic whoops i meant you reviewed them in 8, and only somewhat favorably. but i've seen them live, and like mmw. Posted by mechanic on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 7:51 PM [Reply to this] Tris McCall *denver zest vs. fon du lac savage attack*. easy.      Posted by Tris McCall on Thursday, June 22, 2006 at 6:52 AM [Reply to this] Jens Here. Yeah, but you PLAYED on that, so that doesn't count. Posted by Jens Here. on Thursday, June 22, 2006 at 10:17 AM [Reply to this] Tris McCall i think my contributions to *fdlsa* were cool, but nearly incidental to what's great about it.  put it this way: if you pulled my synths and my "vocals" from the album, it would be slightly less fun, but no less great. enough time has passed since then that i can spin it and give it the objective assessment it deserves.  and that assessment is: awesome.  nothing else i've heard -- or played on -- can touch it.  every line on that album is an indie rock quotable.  "it's hope that gets you up in the morning, but it's fear that gets you out the door".    Posted by Tris McCall on Thursday, June 22, 2006 at 3:29 PM [Reply to this] Boogie Woo Music From Big Punk. There weren't even CD's. And it was recorded direct to broken beer bottles. Posted by Boogie Woo on Thursday, June 22, 2006 at 3:27 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 23 (Originally Posted: June 15, 2006) You know, when you've been at this gig as long as i have now (22 previous editions!), you start to notice certain ... patterns.  Standout artists are standout because they have the benefit of a bunch of same-y muck to actually stand out from.  And, harkening back to Vol. i, when i was lucky enough to encounter the talented, gorgeous NaNuchKa, i figured, "This is gonna be great!  I'm either gonna hear a lot of great new stuff, and / or get to slag really awful bands!"  Alas, as the recent statistical abstract has illustrated, most of these requests have fallen squarely in that stylistic no-man's land called the middle.  To be honest, I'm not sure how Robert Christgau does it each week, especially considering he seems to like everything.  And so, this week is, in a sense, both a new approach and a holding pattern. This week's modern rock band with an electric twist and no memorable songs: Crooked Looks (Indie / Electro / Rock), Rejected. This week's LA-style rock band: Humdinger (Other / Rock), Rejected. This week's tortured dame: Lisa Vegas (Rock / Folk Rock / Country), Rejected. This week's batshit-odd foreign electronic act: O.s.f. (House / IDM / Electronica), Rejected. This week's band that probably wouldn't exist if it weren't for Radiohead: Veldt (Indie / Pop / Electronica), Rejected. This week's unabashed vie for superstardom: King Hell (unclassified), Rejected. This week's obscure record label: Souvenir Records (Indie / Alternative / Electro), Rejected. This week's metal / hardcore act: The Crashing Falcon (Metal / Hardcore / Progressive), Accepted, and pretty awesome. This week's act featuring at least a Z-list celebrity / former rocker: Home and Garden (ex- Pere Ubu), Accepted. This week's Ben Krieger project: Starlight Jukeboxer (Folk / Pop / Rock), Accepted. This week's "band" featuring the vocals of Jenny Lo gan: None. This week's request that isn't even a band, which is kinda too bad: Acura of Westchester (Female / 25 / Larchmont), Rejected. MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 22 (Originally Posted: May 31, 2006) On a beautiful Sunday night, a group of us walked from Mikki's place to the Turkey's Nest to greet Kevin for his birthday.  About two blocks into our journey, heading north on Driggs St., we started to notice our side of the street was covered with feathers, as if from an old mattress (see photos below).  We found this odd, and odder as we continued a few blocks up the street, and the feathers persisted.  Finally, we turned on North 11th St., towards Bedford, and, yup, more feathers.  Finally we arrived at the Turkey's Nest, and there, having nothing to do with the feathers, was the birthday boy, Kevin Dailey, standing in a slightly-too big grey plaid suit, wearing no shoes.  It was a surreal 10 minutes or so. New Pop Revolution (Pop) London's New Pop Revolution is a label / consortium / bored guy urging listeners to "throw off your chains" and "demand more from your stars" (in addition to the cryptic "get more fizz for your quids"). Anyway, maybe it's just me, but the soundtrack to this revolution sounds a lot more like the soundtrack to a car commercial.  Besides, the British telling us how to revolt?  That's like us telling them how to prepare black pudding. Would i enjoy them live? n / a Profile highlight: Robots in Disguise in the Top 8.   Hi there! Songs heard (out of 4): All four.  There's a couple of pretty numbers, but, seriously, a revolution?  Calm down, everybody. Friend status: Accepted.   The Situationist International (Rock / Blues / Punk) Speaking of revolutions - and revolting - here's New York rock band Situationist International.  Naming yourself after a 1960's French artistic / philosophical movement is sure a curious thing to do when you sound like, i don't know, Collective Soul.  Is today "Opposite Day" or something? Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: Lyric time!  From the sledgehammer-subtle hipster-dis-fest "New York Drone" ... I eat my tofu / I go to yoga school / I have my pair of Weezer glasses.  Yoga school? Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected.   The Demos (Rock / Garage / Pop) Dismayingly mature-sounding teen rockers.  Apparently, this scraggly, self-important bunch just asked co-founder Alex Northrup (18) to leave the Demos, citing his inability to "keep up with the success of the band."  Yeesh.  Some people get a few fans and they think they're U2.  Count me out. Would i enjoy them live? Not anymore. Profile highlight: Their headline. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected.   The Birds and Bees (Indie / Pop / Rock) This sounds eerily like Verboten.  And Candleland.  In other news, I've invented a new food item.  It's vaguely similar to a cheeseburger, only after cooking the burger, you cut it in half lengthwise and place the slice of cheese in the middle.  I call it the "burgcheeser." Would i enjoy them live? Who now?  I'm confused. Profile highlight: Jenny Logan at least has the vocals and presence to pull off fronting three different band-like entities.  Still, why not just stick them all together and make one great one.  I'm genuinely stumped. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Accepted.   The Shed Dwellers (Folk Rock / Acoustic / Indie) You may know singer John Henry Westhead from his role as "Olaf" in Clerks.  I did not, but that's because I couldn't make it past the 15 minute mark of that awful, awful movie.  I know i'm not going to sway anyone on that front, though, so hopefully that hasn't tainted my assessment of the Shed Dwellers too much.  But it's hard not to think the half-assededness of Clerks must have rubbed off on Westhead, as this stuff makes the Silver Jews - their clearest inspiration - sound like a hard-working soul band by comparison. Decent songs, but irritatingly blase. Would i enjoy them live? n / a Profile highlight: The Renoir-inspired paintings in the "photo" section, apparently done by Westhead's mother.  That's sweet. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of four. Friend status: Rejected.   Academy (Indie) Adam from Academy wrote and asked that i become friends with his clunky, good-natured indie-pop band, even if i "pan the shit out of them" in their review.  Huh.  What to say, though?  They've retired from live performance, and they may not even be continuing with this line-up, or under this name, for much longer.  In essence i'm being asked, then, to review their legacy, as opposed to merely their act, and i admit i'm just not up to it.  Good guitar playing, though.  Here's hoping the next rhythm section has a pulse. Would i enjoy them live? Well, they looked pretty sedentary - and wore shorts - on stage, so it's probably a good thing they staying in the studio now. Profile highlight: The use of the word 'paroxysm' in their bio.  Show-offs. Songs heard (out of 4): Four. Friend status: Accepted.   MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. XXI (Originally Posted: May 19, 2006) The Streamers (Rock / Alternative / Psychedelic) The first song kind of made me think of a hung-over Ray Davies fronting the Cult.  The rest sounds just like a hung-over Ray Davies. This act would have a much better chance at it if they were girls. Would i enjoy them live? Doubtful. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: This feature is suspended until bands quit naming such appropriate influences. Profile highlight: The band is opening for the Searchers (?!) at the Cutting Room. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Mountain Con (Alternative / Rock / Folk Rock) Electronic-tinged white jam-rap garbage.  Ack, pooey, spit, spit, yuck.  How do acts like this end up with 11,000 fans?  It's 2006, people. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: I was initially stunned to see one of their six band members is Mike Watt?  But, it's this Mike Watt.  Phew. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Starbase 109 (Electro) Now, this is a little more like it.  A little British novelty electro for a rainy morning.  Fur Cups for Teeth will be pissed to see there's another band out there playing a vacuume [sic] cleaner (on stage, too, at that!).  I would, however, like to ask a quick question of you electro fans out there: why is it the major unwritten rule in music like this that you have to repeat every single lyric at least twice in succession?  (ir)Regardless, Starbase 109 has charming melodies, funny helmets and they've put me in a much better mood now. Would i enjoy them live? Probably. Profile highlight: The songs. Songs heard (out of parts of 4): All four. Friend status: Accepted Verboten (Indie / Pop / Pop Punk) Okay, so Jed used to be in Brett's band, and Brett is in Jed's band, and they decided to start a new band.  So, they lured over Jenny from her other band, and the result is, so far, is a new band, Verboten, whose output thus far is a song.  An admittedly-decent, Joy Division-y sounding number, but not much to show for the further shrinking of the players' already neutron-star-dense musical and social circles.  So, in addition to needing a drummer, it sounds like they could stand to meet a few new faces.  Say, maybe THAT's why they contacted me!  Of course! This does lead me to another point, though: when are rock musicians finally going to drop the pretenses and stop trying to fashion themselves as bands, and instead just go by their given names, like jazz musicians did?  Maybe it is the allegedly collaborative nature of song writing in rock music that has caused the band mentality to remain so entrenched, but hey, it never stopped Duke Ellington.  Think about it: the late night DJ at the public station could've coolly intoned "... and that was singer Jenny Logan, in a 2006 session featuring Brett Whitmoyer on the guitar and Jedediah Smith on the bass, and you're listening to KCR, public radio."  I find the transparency of this both more tasteful, and to the point, than the oblique contrivances of "bands," and it would lead to a dramatic downturn in crappy bio writing.  Plus, pledge drives would rock a lot more. Would i enjoy them live? Sure. Profile highlight: "They all liked this song very much and decided that they should officially become a band, complete with a name and everything." Songs heard (out of 1): One. Friend status: Accepted. Theory of a Dead Man (Rock / Alternative / Other) This is for people who find Audioslave too challenging. Would i enjoy them live? No. Profile highlight: They mention going to a Norfolk Admirals game in one of their tour blogs.  Maybe I like these guys after all ... Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Gamma Like Very Ultra (Experimental / Ambient / Other) Okay, i have an idea.  About 95 per-cent of the time, band stage patter is just about the most agonizing thing in the world, right?  Meanwhile, you have folks like Gamma Like Very Ultra, who are sitting at home, making interesting, ethereal noises and short instrumental compositions with their guitars, with really no avenue for them (except for MySpace, of course).  So ... why not just have GLUV or similar acts play in between songs of another band's set?  Seamless, diverse and benefits all parties.  If he / she / they felt like traveling out from Tucson to try this with Career Club, they are my guest.  Just a thought. Would i enjoy them live?  See above. Profile highlight: Entering "too many to mention" under influences, right before listing, like, 500 bands. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Accepted. McLemore Avenue (Soul / Funk / R&B) These guys are even bigger Booker T n' the MGs geeks than I am.  They even have a song named "TreeHugHer" (a play on the MGs' "HipHugHer"). Nice one!  Anyway, intermittently inspired sounding for a bunch of old dudes, but drunk parents are the likely audience here. Would i enjoy them live? Maybe. Profile highlight: Other song titles include "Ham Slice", "Texas Toast" and "Fubar." Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of  three. Friend status: Ah, why not. Stingra the Jellyfish (Progressive / Folk Rock / Rock) This is the latest (presumably) of the many brainchildren of Ben Krieger, who also does a rock haiku column and many other things, in addition to being to the briney deep what Tris McCall is to Jersey City politics. Hyper-creative types can be frightening, no?  Thankfully, there's a detailed explanation for this endeavor, which may not have necessarily been impenitrable to begin with, but it helps get you through the more Styx-y passages.  In summation, Krieger is incredibly talented and Stingra is an amazingly fully-realized mini-opera with an actual narrative, but it is an amazingly fully-realized mini-opera with an acutal narrative about a government-armed jellyfish, and at the end of the day, i'd still rather listen to the The Ramones Leave Home. Would i enjoy it live? Well, it's only marginally more abstruse - and a lot shorter - than The Adventures of Caveman Robot: the Musical, so i know for a fact it could be done.  Yes, Mr. Krieger, that's a challenge. Profile highlight: The fact that it even exists. Acts heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Accepted. 6:53 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

	Tris McCall	Ben does intend to do *Stingra* live. It would be a pretty big undertaking, or at least a bigger undertaking than a Modern Major Generals show, so he's probably just waiting for the right time and place. Verboten has a few other songs. The track on the mySpace page is just the one they've finished recording. I don't think they have enough to fill out a set yet, but if they were given a gig, they could probably just do some MTS or Candleland or Consultants or Birds & Bees numbers. So, yes, I agree about the jazz musician thing, and the divisions between these acts (and a few others), while not entirely arbitrary, are probably only meaningful to those who know the musicians personally. Then again, Sarah Records built their empire on minor personnel switches. Posted by Tris McCall on Monday, May 22, 2006 at 6:05 AM [Reply to this]

Jens Here.

So wait, Candleland is another band consisting of the same three people? Is this a joke? This is like Taco Bell putting the cheese at the bottom of the taco shell instead on top of the other ingredients and calling it a new item. Christ. Posted by Jens Here. on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 at 9:25 AM [Reply to this]

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 20 (Originally Posted: May 1, 2006) Chill Bill (Electronica / Ambient / Experimental) Bowery Electric it's not.  Some good sounds and ideas among the morass, but oddly fractured for what it seems they are trying to acheive.  An attention span would've done wonders. Would i enjoy them live? n / a Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Profile highlight: "Chasing the Turtle" is a great name for a song. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Dr. Thunder (Alternative / Rock / Powerpop) Dr. Thunder should play a show with Hello Nurse, because then it could be, like, the world's dorkiest Medical Center. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: 311. Profile highlight: "... and Krishna Ramachandran ties it all together on drums." Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. The Lucky Bastards (Rock) This band, to me, brings up three pertinent points: A.  I've theorized for a while that 90 per-cent crummy music can be blamed directly on the singer, and the remaining 10 per-cent the drummer.  This otherwise promising adult-rock band, falls, for a change, squarely in the latter category.  This guy is one of the stiffest drummers i've heard in a while. 2. The Lucky Bastards don't provide full versions of their songs, just minute long samples.  I'm really surprised more bands don't do this. 3.  It's never really been brought up, but proximity to Brooklyn does tend to play a big part in whether or not i accept a band. Unfair, yet practical. Would i enjoy them live? Maybe. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a. Profile highlight: Apparently, the drummer was previously in the Marine Corps band.  That explains quite a lot. Songs heard (out of parts of 3): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. (D.C.) Craig Cardiff (Acoustic / Folk / Rock) A guy who sounds like the singer of Counting Crows performing an acoustic version of a Stevie Nicks song ?  In front of a live audience?  Well, this one took about 10 seconds. Would i enjoy him live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Cyndi Lauper. Profile highlight: I'm not sticking around to find out. Songs heard (out of 4): About ten seconds. Friend status: Rejected. Spider Rockets (Alternative / Metal / Rock) This band was formed in New Jersey in 1995, and it shows.  These mooks make Brain Surgeons sound ... like brain surgeons. Would i enjoy them live? How drunk am i? Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Profile highlight: 1995 ?! Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. b mulvey (Indie / Grunge / Rock) Record store employee rock. Would i enjoy him live? Well, it looks like he needs to put together a band first ... Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: They all make sense, and that's never a good sign, is it. Profile highlight: Hm.  He reveals his full name (Brian David Mulvey), so that's something, i suppose. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Not bad by any means, but no. L J Murphy (Blues / Rock / Soul) Good-natured Tom Waits / Lou Reed troubadour type, a talented songwriter whose performances here seem a bit on the restrained side.  The hope / assumption is that Murphy is more of a live act. Would i enjoy him live? Quite possibly. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Frida Kahlo.  Then again, Frida Kahlo doesn't make sense to me in the first place. Profile highlight: Lead guitarist Andrew Wendel is also credited as the act's "musical director."  Good for you, Andrew ! Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Accepted. Spiraling (Indie / Pop / Rock) Think a less bombastic, less quirky Flaming Lips.  Not bad but, alas, two of the songs are from their record in 2002 (the other being a relatively fresh 2004 recording).  You know, your music doesn't have to *sound* new, but it should at least *be* new. Would i enjoy them live? Depends on the visuals. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Smithereens. Profile highlight: Soaring eagle-like above their crop of over 42,000 friends to the rarified air of the band's Top 8 is ... Flickerstick. Songs heard (out of 3): Enough to get the idea. Friend status: Rejected. The iOs (Indie / Alternative / Rock) Gack.  Bands like this make me wish i had a violent streak. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Profile highlight: If i didn't know any better, i'd swear that was Tony Banks' moog from ... And Then There Were Three ... Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. MESMER (Rock / Punk / New Wave) This modern New York-rock quartet leaves me a little flat, but my hunch is that they're not in it to impress dudes. Would i enjoy them live? Probably not. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: This category has taken a total beating this week. Profile highlight: MESMER is one fruity-looking bunch. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. 7:45 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment b mulvey you might be amused to learn that i do, indeed, work at a record store. Posted by b mulvey on Thursday, July 20, 2006 at 4:14 AM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, vol. Nu-nu-nu-nu-nineteen (Originally Posted: May 1, 2006) Pink Noise (Indie) I liken this to an evil Portishead.  Creepy, intertwined dissonant guitars, skittery drums, atmospheric with out being somnambulant, another promising band comprised mainly of Israelis.  When did Israel become such a hotbed of rock musicianship? Would i enjoy them live? Probably. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a. Profile highlight: The e-mail sign-up window.  Why don't more bands do this? Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Accepted. Chatterton (Alternative / Indie / Rock) Don Imus called.  He wants his bumper music back. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "Your mom."  My mom would hate this shit. Profile highlight: None. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. 10 Chickens Dead (Indie / Experimental / Electronica) Not much to go on here, but like the name, the music seems to straddle the line between goofy and goofy-scary.  Mainly, though, someone seriously needs to make a box-set of "One Dude Fucking Around with a Keyboard" songs / acts.  Stuff like this is much more fun than real music. Would i enjoy them live? I don't know, but "10 Chickens Dead ... Live!" makes me laff. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Mudhoney. Profile highlight: The yellow background. Songs heard (out of 1): One. Friend status: Accepted.  I'm curious to see where this goes. Heresy (Rock / Alternative / Grunge) This band is gonna break up as soon as one of them gets a girlfriend. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Pearl Jam.  Just kidding. Profile highlight: How unflatteringly high the vocals are mixed in their demos. Songs heard (out of 2): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. The Hate My Day Jobs (Indie / Garage / Rock) So, do you miss The Hives?  Yeah, me neither. Would i enjoy them live? Possibly. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Tom Waits. Profile highlight: "Admit It" is a pretty good song, but the others don't live  up. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of all four. Friend status: I can't decide. The Eavesdroppers (Experimental / Indie / Jam Band) This is what Can would sound like if they, instead of being German art students, were a bunch of bored kids from Long Island. Would i enjoy them live? It looks like their live performances take place in their dad's rec room, so if nothing else, i could just play darts. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Ramones. Profile highlight: Their old band was named the Deep Friars. Songs heard (out of 4): All four. Friend status: Accepted. 7:25 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle I love The Hives. Meh. No kudos for you! Posted by DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle on Monday, May 01, 2006 at 8:49 AM [Reply to this] Boogie Woo What's this, no reviews of MeatHawks yet? Posted by Boogie Woo on Monday, May 01, 2006 at 12:15 PM [Reply to this] mechanic deep friars. heh heh. excellent. Posted by mechanic on Tuesday, May 02, 2006 at 6:14 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, vol. Eighteen (Originally Posted: April 22, 2006) Eighteen, wow. I've got a baby's brain and an old man's heart. The review column is old enough to vote, or die in some god-forsaken war in the desert, but not old enough to buy a beer. Ah well, at least one band this week speaks to this angst. FTSE100 (Experimental / Progressive / Classic Rock) This band rules. I'll have to catch their November 6, 2006 gig at Clwb Ifor Bach in Cardiff, Wales. This is the sound of being amused with your despair. Would i enjoy them live? Hell, yeah. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Fleetwood Mac. Profile highlight: "record labels are for losers." Songs heard (out of 4): All four. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: People who can stomach the $2 shrimp po-boy at Lulu's. BC Campbell (Pop / Indie / Other) This pop / indie performer could use a lot more "other." Would i enjoy him live? Nah. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: John Cage. Profile highlight: His painted, vaguely Norm MacDonald-esque portrait. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: People who CAN'T stomach the $2 shrimp po-boy at Lulu's. Joe Bannon (Alternative / Classic Rock / Psychedelic) Now here's a novel approach: solicit fans for your band without having ANY music posted at all. You know, like, "take our word for it!" It seems to be working, too, as Mr. Bannon currently has 2725 fans, approx. 2600 more than Career Club and their three songs. It's true, isn't it: the music industry has nothing to do with music. Would i enjoy him live? Wow, great question! Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Profile highlight: On his 2006 schedule: "March - write 30-plus songs ..." Songs heard (out of zero): Zero. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Minimalists. Roobie Breastnut (Hardcore / Disco House / Electronica) This is the musical equivalent of liking Showgirls. Would i enjoy her / him live? Uh ... Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a. Profile highlight: Pretty much the whole thing. Songs heard (out of 4): "Stick it In" and "Hustler Me." Friend status: I just can't do it. Who might like it: My friend Eliot. 7:14 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment mechanic the question is actually did YOU likr the shrip po boy at lulus.... and i am so thrilled to hear you are still fostering nanuchka this is all not for vain jens! Posted by mechanic on Sunday, April 23, 2006 at 11:20 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, vol. XVII (Originally Posted: April 18, 2006) Bionik and Node (Electro / Rock / Indie) Plain, inexpressive singer torpedoes potentially interesting band, Part One Million. I mean, a crooning Colombian synth-rock duo with hilariously over-mixed house-music keyboards should work in more than just theory. Would i enjoy them live? Nah. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "JACo PastoriuS" Profile highlight: Their logo. Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Rejected. But i had to think about it, at least. Who might like it: Clothing store employees. Brian J & the Pimps of Joytime (Soul / Funk / Pop) Sample-driven Cuban after-dinner music, with the occasional Ja Rule / DMX grunty business. A little on the stiff side, but hey, so am i. Would i enjoy them live? Probably. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Chuck Berry Profile highlight: Their cunga [sic?] player is named "Pure Sound." Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: You after your fourth mojito. Dollar Record (Indie / Rock / Blues) Guitar rock / work-in-progress. They're playing at the Continental, and they haven't entered a real studio yet. I can relate, or at least i could until the harmonica kicked in. Would i enjoy them live? Probably not. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Profile highlight: Their MySpace address is "discopeso." Pretty clever, Dollar Record ! Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: 45-year olds. The Roaring 20s (Indie / Glam / Rock) Plucky, clunky modern New York band. Faux-overwrought and sophomoric at times, sure, and most of the lyrics don't make a lick of sense, but a lot more captivating anything else i've heard this week. Would i enjoy them live? Quite possibly. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Kelly Clarkson. Profile highlight: At least they're *looking* for a bassist. Songs heard (out of 4): Two and parts of the other two. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Dorks. the etiquette (Rock / Rock / Rock) You know, for a band specializing in such forms as rock, rock and rock, you'd think they would rock more. Especially as they hail from Mil-rock-ee. I should send them a link to The Candy Snatchers. Now THERE'S a rock band. I'm gonna go listen to them now. Would i enjoy them live? Nah. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: G n' R. Profile highlight: Nothing. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Like what? Looner (Indie / Goth / Hip Hop) First, enjoy this blog entry (Now moribund - ed.). Oh, i too am annoyed, Looner. And that's because i find this a completely offensive request, and not only because of the solipsistic assertion that the "little guy" should be given some sort of pass through mere effort (and that the rejection of their efforts is the root of the popularity of Wal-Mart). I suppose the point is this: why do you CARE? There's nothing in Looner's music to arouse such *any* emotion on my behalf - let alone hate - and that's a big part of the problem. What the hell *is* hate in terms of aesthetics, really? Hate in real life is people throwing rocks at you when you are walking down the street for whatever terrible reason. In this scenario, yes, indifference is probably preferable. But, in art? Wouldn't you say, Looner, that such "hateful" speech against your efforts says a lot more about the person writing it than it does about you? So, what are you so afraid of? What sort of artist fears detractors? Wasn't Cezanne once considered a hack? Wasn't Moby Dick once considered unreadable? People can think things like the Chrysler Building is ugly and The Wizard of Oz is unimaginative, and have. Time has proven these people to be idiots. But these aesthetic triumphs weren't the products of people who played it safe. Looner does, at least that's how that seems to me. But, why should anyone care what i think? Phew. It felt good to write that. Would i enjoy them live? Probably not. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Bad Brains. Profile highlight: see above. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: As soon as i find a tactful way to say "people who find PJ Harvey too edgey," i'll gladly post it. MySpace Music Reviews, vol. Sweet Sixteen (Originally Posted: April 7, 2006) King Sexy (Grunge / Rock / Indie) From the great state of Connecticut comes King Sexy, a brain child of a man named Jeff who, after playing the drums for nigh two decades decided to pull a "Dave Grohl" and front his very own rock band. The result: material pitched somewhere between Dee Dee Ramone's solo records and Gary Young's saner moments, some funny hats and two live tracks from a gig in Milford in front of eight people, by the sounds of it. Crap, this is me in five years, isn't it. Would i enjoy them live? I'd probably be into it if i lived there. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "Being sexy." Friends (as of press time): 865 Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Rejected. It's just too depressing. Who might like it: Hobbyists. Milton (Rock / Acoustic) Amiable, wordy, acoustic, not my thing. But, how's this for an inspired pitch: there's one song offered here, and it's from a record in 2002. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a. Friends (as of press time): 75 Songs heard (out of 1): Half. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Smart people. White (Indie / Pop / Rock) Have you ever had someone over for dinner - let's say you are making lasagna - and you decide to just pull the lasagna out of the oven well before it's done and just start dishing it out, then ask "so, what do you think of my cooking?" No, of course you've never done that. So, White, what's with sending people scratch tracks? Would i enjoy them live? How am i supposed to know? Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "... the space inbetween [sic] sounds ..." Friends (as of press time): 397 Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: For their sake, hopefully a drummer and a bassist, and soon. No Gods No Monsters (Rock / Punk / Glam) This is the exemplar of Danzig-inspired hard-rock competence i included a link to yesterday. Listening to this again makes me yearn for the earnest goofiness of King Sexy. Would i enjoy them live? Maybe for a song or two. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Either Sonic Youth or Steve Earle. Friends (as of press time): 634 Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. I couldn't even get into "Zombie Hunter." Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Apparently, The Giraffes. I'll have to ask them about that. Jhon Thumb (Alternative / Progressive / Rock) You know those bands that list, like 100 "cool" bands as influences, then still end up sounding maddeningly generic? This band takes the refreshing, opposite approach: saying they are influenced by Jane's Addiction or Jeff Buckley, then actually managing to sound decent. Nice work, Jhon Thumb. Would i enjoy them live? Possibly. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The fact that they didn't mention Queens of the Stone Age. Friends (as of press time): 97 Songs heard (out of 2): Two. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Jhonny Peralta? Bristol Songs (Alternative / Acoustic / Folk Rock) Some warbley-voiced Norwegian guy with, like, nine acoustic guitars playing somber songs that sound like outtakes from The Wall. Music like this is why coffeeshops go out of business. Would i enjoy him live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Joy Division. Friends (as of press time): 270 Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Someone who just lost a pet. The Clear Deigns (Rock / Alternative / Emo) I think i'd rather listen to Clare Danes. Okay, Jens, enough of the cheap jokes. Let's stick to the music. This is another batch of unfinished tunes, though slightly more realized. Think Collective Soul (remember them?), taken to stunning new depths of pretension. Would i enjoy them live? Absolutely not. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Gigolo Aunts. Friends (as of press time): 111 Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Apparently, no one who's tried out for the band. 8:57 AM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

	Stephen	This made me laff: >Have you ever had someone over for dinner - let's say you are making lasagna - and you decide to just pull the lasagna out of the oven well before it's done and just start dishing it out, then ask "so, what do you think of my cooking?" No, of course you've never done that. So, White, what's with sending people scratch tracks? This made me chuckle: >Music like this is why coffeeshops go out of business. But I liked "Is their Top 8 all girls?" better than "Friends (as of press time)." Was it turning out that not many bands were making their Top 8's all girls? Posted by Stephen on Friday, April 07, 2006 at 10:21 AM [Reply to this]

Jens Here.

Precisely. I just happened to think of the all-girl Top 8 the very week one band actually met that criteria. And, about five minutes after i posted this, i came up with what i'm going to replace the Friend statistic with, so stay tuned ... Posted by Jens Here. on Friday, April 07, 2006 at 12:42 PM [Reply to this]

MySpace Music Reviews, vol. XV (Originally Posted: March 26, 2006) Guajiro, Interesting Things, Billionaire Boys Club, Tabarnacos Surfer, jeff richie and Mackin all stink. Tune in next week ! 7:53 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment mechanic too bad cause bbc is a great band name, albeit trite, and they know how to use photoshop REALLY well! Posted by mechanic on Sunday, March 26, 2006 at 5:40 PM [Reply to this] Tris McCall the billionaire boys club grew out of an asbury group called evelyn forever who were, for a short time in the late nineties, the hottest band in new jersey. they had a few very effective power pop/pop-punk songs, any of which could have made trl if things had broken the right way for them. i've never heard bbc's music. i bet it's similar. guajiro asked to be my friend, too. i only add people i know personally. Posted by Tris McCall on Monday, March 27, 2006 at 2:51 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. Quatorze (Originally Posted: March 19, 2006) I've been on official protest of the rock venue Northsix for, hell, a few years now. But, alas, every six months or so, i get convinced, or convince myself, to give the damn place one more chance. And then, something gets horribly screwed up and i leave the place seething. The last time out, it was for a Breakup Breakdown gig, as they were opening for some British buzz band that has probably since broken up. Anyway, Hans and i were on the list for this big important show, but the nice man at the door decided we weren't getting in anyway, even though the club inside was apparently about 1/4th full. We were about ready to throw punches over that one ... Well, last night was a little different, you see, as The Negatones were taking the stage around 10:30. At 10:10, we breezed right in - on the list, as i will never ever ever pay a cover or buy a drink at that place ever ever - to be amongst a throng of 20 people or so, watching some dull band that sounded like REM. No Negatones in sight. So, we ask the nice man at the door, "what time are the Negatones going on?," which was a big mistake. He kindly informed us they were slotted to be the 4th of the 5 bands that evening, and we'd gotten there in the middle of the 2nd one's set. So, we went to Zabloski's down the street, played a game of darts, and got back in time to catch the 4th band that evening. Which was not the Negatones, as they had JUST FINISHED THEIR SET. Die, Northsix, die!! Dejected, we stuck around to watch the actual 4th band that evening, some fresh faced lads woefully named Right On Dynamite. Mine and Jackie's opinions of this act are almost as divergant as our views on my lasagna. In all the confusion, i forgot to ask J. what he thinks of 'The Negatones' kinda rhyming with 'Raggaeton.' For all you folks who think i hate all new music, here's a couple of new-ish jams that have caught the Jens-man's ear. A song by a band called the Ponys and - yes, it's true - the new Yeah Yeah Yeah's song (with a sadly expired link). Lastly, i realized that the one feature i no longer enjoy in the MySpace Music Review column is having to search through a band's 15,000 fans to find Tila Tequila's profile. So, enough, i say, and enjoy the new feature. thefireandreason (Rock / Electronica / Alternative) Gadzooks, talk a band that's trying WAAAAAAYYYY too hard. Did you ever see The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: the Metal Years? Do you recall how they asked all of these doomed-to-failure metal guys, "hey, what happens if your band doesn't make it?" To which they all, to a man, responded confidently "Oh, we're gonna make it!" Anyway, watch the interview that's posted on thefireandreason's page (it takes about 20 seconds to kick in), and tell me if you don't think the same exact thing is happening today, only depressing instead of funny. Would i enjoy them live? Well, the singer is pretty good-looking, I suppose. No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "PJ Harvey and Primal Scream in a three way with Trent Reznor.... " Actually, that makes perfect sense. I just had to share it because it really grosses me out. Is their 'Top 8' all girls? No. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Los Angeles. psYcho sYndrome (Rock / Punk / Gothic) Not bad. Cool guitar lines, memorably guttural female vocalist. Probably not for everybody, but i'm into it. Would i enjoy them live? I just watched their four video clips, and the jury's out. For a band like this, they sure seem to just stand around a lot. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Either Frank Zappa or the Cocteau Twins. Is their 'Top 8' all girls? Yes. Songs heard (out of 2): Two. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: The heavily-tattooed. Split Over Drapes (Indie / Rock) I'm not into this sort of boring adult-rock jive. However, i'm a big fan of the word 'drapes.' Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n /a . Is their 'Top 8' all girls? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Er ... yuppies. 8:31 AM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment mikki Wait, I have to stand up for north six in regards to the breakup breakdown show--you guys were super late! BUBD had taken you off their list because they thought you weren't coming, and put other people on, and then since they were actually *on stage* when you got there (and they went on more than an hour after they were supposed to), there was nothing anyone could do. It was full, too. ok that is my scolding for the day. Posted by mikki on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 9:08 AM [Reply to this] Jens Here. Okay, now explain last night ... Posted by Jens Here. on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 9:43 AM [Reply to this] mikki That was pure suck. Posted by mikki on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 10:37 AM [Reply to this] manjamas What do you mean you don't like adult rock? Jens, thats the only adult thing we do like. Steely Dan makes me feel like a grown up. Posted by manjamas on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 11:26 AM [Reply to this] mikki Suddenly "You Make Me Feel Like a NAtural WOman" is going through my head. Why? Posted by mikki on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 8:33 PM [Reply to this] mechanic funny. i was thinking to myself, "aw, but i like the name 'spilt over drapes'" when you dengrated them for being boring adult rock. then i read the next line. that is why i love the myspace music reviews. Posted by mechanic on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 at 11:10 AM [Reply to this] Split Over Drapes well obviously we failed. we were going for *VERY* boring adult rock. listen closer. Posted by Split Over Drapes on Sunday, March 26, 2006 at 3:28 PM [Reply to this] MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 13 (Originally Posted: March 12, 2006) A typical Sunday morning. Jackie is off giving a tutorial on photographic software. I'm drinking black coffee and listening to an Elvis box set consisting primarily of outtakes of his gospel tunes. Kevin Dailey gave it to me after winning it at Act Local. "I've tried, but i just can't get into Elvis," he said as he bequeathed me the 4-disc set. Well, you'd have to really be into Elvis to muck your way through some of this stuff. Or, just be listening to it on a rainy Sunday morning. Speaking of borderline-disappointing moments with personal rock heroes, i went to see Nikki Sudden (ex-frontman of one of my favorite bands ever, The Swell Maps) at the Tap Room of the Knitting Factory. Dave Weston (ex- Weston) was kind enough to tip me off to the performance, so i joined him for this free show. FREE! That was nice. It was acoustic guitar and drums, and most of Sudden's new material was not terribly memorable, except for "Bourgeois Town," a shuffle-y blues number. There was also a different, though very similar sounding, 12-bar blues that featured the chorus "I'm all dressed up, but i got nowhere to go / Come on baby, help me spend this dough." Sudden dresses (velvet jacket w/ eye-catching brooch), acts (almost captivatingly indifferent), writes songs ("Bourgeois Town ?!") and performs sporadically (Berlin resident plays free show in NYC, seemingly for the hell of it) like someone who is somehow independently wealthy, even though the Swell Maps sold, like 14 records. But, i feel like you can never complain about a free show, especially featuring a rock hero, even one as obscure as Nikki Sudden. And, of course, it was very nice to see Davey again. And, i spelled bourgeois right the first time! Sudden plays an electric show at the end of the month, if you're interested, but i think i'll be missing it. Okay, time for the reviews, so i can stop putting off updating my resume. the blakes (Rock / Rock / New Wave) Bouncy, Strokes-y, conceived and engineered for the sole purpose of being hip. Has there ever been another time in music where so many people have been trying so hard to sound effortless? Would i enjoy them live? Meh. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Simon and Garfunkle. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No? Songs heard (out of 4): Two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Fans of "New York" rock that don't live in "New York." Burning Jersey (Rock / Metal) Trenton kid-core. Neither bad enough nor good enough to elicit comment. Crap, i hope they're not friends of Jackie's. Would i enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: etc. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with a new gag every single time a band like this comes along? James Dean Driving Experience (Indie / Pop Punk / Alternative) 80s dreamy Brit-pop. As in, actually from the 80s. Not bad, by any means, but i really, really, really hope i'm not doing something like this with the unfinished Julia Marvel demos 15 years from now, because not knowing when or how to let go is one of the most depressing things in the world to witness. This, incidentally, is why i hated Smile so much. Well, that and because it was annoying and sucky and not even remotely good. Sorry about the tangent, James Dean Driving Experience, and good luck with the new tunes. Would i enjoy them live? There's a live demo posted here actually, and it's not too flattering. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Punk. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Did Tila Tequila totally drop off without anyone telling me? Songs heard (out of 4): Two, and parts of the other two. Friend status: Accepted, but just so i can listen to"Dean's 11th Dream," because it's really pretty. Who might like it: Stephen Merritt. Rachel Griffin (Pop / Jazz / Acoustic) This sounds like something you'd buy at a Starbucks. Would i enjoy her live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Is she friends with Tila Tequila? We are now an unprecedented 0-for-4 in this department. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Sarah McLachlan's lawyer. Earl's Court (Classic Rock) . Would i enjoy them live? No. They're a Led Zeppelin cover band. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three, just so i could decide who the worst musician was. It's the guitarist. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: I don't even want to think about it. Lastly, a "hip tip":  if you go to "privacy setting" in your account, there's an option that allows you to disable the automatic-song-play when going to a band account.  Handy! 7:24 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

	mechanic	ditto on smile Posted by mechanic on Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 5:42 PM [Reply to this]

Boogie Woo

Jens, 1) Hello. 2) Nikki Sudden. I warned you. 2001 at Village Underground. His crushed velvet suit and my fries put on a more convincing performance. Still though, you saw the guy who wrote " Ammunition Train". Pretty cool. 3) Tila Tequila. Now on " Surviving Ted Nugent" or whatever the name of the show is. 4) Smile. Maybe better title for new one would've been Simile. Martin PS : I heard the singer from Earl's Court is going to sit on you. Posted by Boogie Woo on Wednesday, March 15, 2006 at 10:36 PM [Reply to this]

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 12
(Originally Posted: February 18, 2006)

Surferigno (Rock / Surf / Alternative)
Spaghetti western instrumental combo, with songs ranging in length from 6 and a half minutes to 0:25. Inscrutable, deliberate, Canadian.

Would I enjoy them live? Probably.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): All of four. Check out the first song.
Friend status: Accepted.
Who might like it: Fans of instrumental rock, natch.

Running With Scissors (Progressive / Rock / Psychedelic)
Ha ha ha! A mope-rock band is named after a "Weird Al" Yankovic album. And a bad one at that.

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Ray Charles.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? CatsInSinks.com.
Songs heard (out of 3): One and a half.
Friend status: Rejected.
Who might like it: Christ, i don't know, sad people?

The Jabs (Pop / Indie / Acoustic)
You know, all that time you spent pillorying the Strokes for being derivative (of who, exactly?) or inexpressive or unworthy of their fame, you could've been thanking them for making it cool for a bunch of high school dudes from places like Dallas to start rock bands that don't like 10th-generation versions of Tool. I mean, somebody's got to keep the cycle going, that's all i'm saying.

Would I enjoy them live? Them being, the Jabs, sure.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Led Zeppelin.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Three.
Friend status: Accepted.
Who might like it: Your little sister.

The Real Be Easys (Rock / Classic Rock / Alternative)
Guitar Center groove rock. I really thought music like this didn't actually exist in New York.

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: n / a
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two.
Friend status: Rejected.
Who might like it: Well, they would have you believe a bunch of hot girls. But, really, it's 40-year old women in Harley tank tops.

Poison Ivy League (Rock / Metal / Powerpop)
This band is really into professional wrestlers. My hunch is that the feeling would not be mutual.

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Uh, professional wrestlers?
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two.
Friend status: Rejected.
Who might like it: I've had almost a month to think about this, and i still don't know.

Would I enjoy them live? Eh.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Elvis Presley.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two.
Friend status: Rejected.
Who might like it: Nobody three years from now.

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: "The Will to Create Happiness and Share It."
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Look for yourself.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three.
Friend status: No thanks. When i feel like being just another face among a group of 25,000 people, i go to a Mets game.
Who might like it: Leather trench-coat wearers.

Would I enjoy them live? Too late.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: There's a lot to choose from here, but i'm gonna go with Canned Heat.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Two and a half.
Friend status: Rejected.
Who might like it: Particularly impressionable NYU students.

Would I enjoy them live? If i had to.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: This is slightly off-topic, but i went to their website and it turns out esOterica is sponsored by Jagermeister. That's a bit like McDonald's sponsoring Earth Crisis.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three.
Friend status: Rejected. No offense.
Who might like it: South American teenage boys.

Would I enjoy them live? Probably.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Silver Jews.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes.
Songs heard (out of 4): Four.
Friend status: Accepted.
Who might like it: Heavy drinkers.

Would I enjoy him live? Maybe on a weekday night.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Led Zeppelin.
Is he friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Most of four.
Friend status: Accepted.
Who might like it: New parents.

Would I enjoy them live? I did, and would've a lot more had they had a bass player. Sorry to harp on this, but it's serious.
Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: All the bands they listed had bass players.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Most of four
Friend status: Accepted, begrudgingly.
Who might like it: Earplug companies.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. Ten (Originally Posted: January 23, 2006) Its both a coincidence and a godsend: practically every band that has sent me a friend request lately has incredibly infuriatingly written bios! There is no invective so pointed that i could possibly pen that could do one tenth the promotional damage that these geniuses have themselves already written for me. So, rather than write the reviews this time out myself, why dont i just instead offer up a taste of who the acts themselves describe what they are up to in their own words. Then you will truly be the informed potential consumer / friend, and i can get back to not ever listening to any of these bands again (for the most part). Good Grief (Rock / Alternative / Punk) The "hit them over the head" approach: Good Grief is quite simply YOUR NEW FAVORITE BAND. Listen just once and you will be hooked. See them live and you will be forever changed. This amazing two piece band plays fast and loud. It is noisey but yet still melodic. Ricky on Lead Vocals/Guitar and Anthony on Drums/Vocals are the perfect combination. They are amazing at what they do, and they don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Would I enjoy them live? Hm. They look young and hail from Bay Ridge. I bet they play at firehouses and basements. Maybe. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: R.E.M. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. Songs heard (out of 4): Three. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Local H fans. The Robot Revolt (Indie / Rock / New Wave) The "this isn't merely a band" band bio, in color:  The Robot Revolt is what happens when devices used for simple, repetitive tasks decide they want something more. They refuse to continue the unchanging cycle and revolt against that which has held them so tight for so long. The Robot Revolt is about a risk... It's about a gut feeling... It's about making a choice... Would I enjoy them live? God, this is dreary crap. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: The Outfield. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Hey, its raining! Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: People who dont get nearly as excited with the inclusion of the word robot in a band title as i do. The Chemistry Set (Indie / Psychedelic / Progressive) The oft-attempted, oft-embarrassing "Wacky History": In 2002, after years and years of working at an all-Tasmanian health food store, and reinventing the Vietnamese language, Stephen decided to take a stab at songwriting. So, he created The Chemistry Set and began his search for a horn section consisting of 9 physically fit musicians with handle bar moustaches. This never panned out, however, but he did happen to meet a few interesting people along the way.  (etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. - ed) Would I enjoy them live? Ill find out at their Arlenes show on Feb. 7th. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Chet Baker. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. Songs heard (out of 2): Both. "Two Stars" is recommendable. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: This act, thankfully, truly transcends the vapidity of their bio. Just About to Burn (Pop / Indie / Acoustic) The direct appeal to your emotions / loss of that certain childhood innocence: Here in Williamsburg-past the rapidly disappearing empty wharehouses in Brooklyn- an idea grew. On a rooftop with a couple chords and a simple melody...why not? the corporate world closes in and spreads its emptiness.they offer no solution and increasingly no rewards...why try to make music that they'll judge as too this or too that?Why bother with them at all?Just do it cause its fun,cause its pure,cause it can be positive or negative or happy or sad because thats what feels real. Would I enjoy them live? Actually, i moved away from Denver specifically to avoid music like this. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Bands this formalist tend to have a very exact sense of their influences and Just About to Burn is hardly the exception. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: White Brooklynites. Brooklyn is the new Hee Haw!! Rant (Rock / Alternative / Pop) The "Job Application":   The New York band was formed in the summer of 2004, and consists of 4 talented musicians that have been playing music individually for over 12 years. Vincent, Ed, and Adam met in their junior high school years and have remained close friends, but have not formed a band of their own until recently.   Rant's music is guitar-rock based with some electronic influences that transcends many age groups. With four band mates experienced in writing as well as playing multiple instruments, a broad musical background is brought together to produce a sound and range that appeals to a wide audience, of varied musical tastes. Would I enjoy them live? No. Influence listed that makes absolutely no sense: Van Halen Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Long Islanders. MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. IX (Originally Posted: December 15, 2005) The Riverboat Gamblers (Punk / Rock / Pop) I initially thought that this was a request from the Compulsive Gamblers, and i got real excited and started looking up stuff about The Oblivians. I miss the Oblivians. Thanks a lot, Riverboat Gamblers. Would I enjoy them live? Probably not. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? About 13 times as many, actually. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? It is assumed. How about Forbidden? Who? Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. They don't need my help. Who might like it: Fans of modern rock music. Nepo (Indie / Pop / Electronica) Nepo is your "One Stop Shop for Electro-Weed Pop." Shit, i was just here to pick up some bug spray. Would I enjoy them live? n/a. Does he have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes. Is he friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: It's not that bad, actually, just not for me. Brain Surgeons (Rock / Metal / Progressive) A first! A request from an act featuring a famous guy! Well, not famous, per se. Actually, this is Blue Öyster Cult's old drummer's new band, also featuring one of the Dictator guys. And, now that i think of it, Archers of Loaf's other guitarist sent me a request once for his indie-ambient act. Lord, please don't let me ever be a has-been. Would I enjoy them live? No. Because they're TERRIBLE. Well, not terrible, just kinda retarded. The wrong kind of retarded. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes, and they all seem to be Will Ferrell playing a cowbell. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No ?! Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Accepted. I guess i should've listened to them first. Who might like it: The staff at Don Hill's. The Sweet Ones (Alternative / Punk / 2-step) Rock. "Paula Contageous" is pretty good. Would I enjoy them live? When did it become okay for bands to dress like Adam Corolla on stage? Okay, years ago. Still, for this very reason i'm forced to say 'no.' Do they have more friends than Julia%20Marvel? No. Do they have more friends than Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 3): One and a half. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Dudes. The Kevins (Pop) It was around 8pm on Xmas Eve, 2004, and my shift at the Pencil Factory bar ended at 9. Josh and Martin had come to keep me company, as it was a slow time, even though it was Friday. Mind you, it would still be another two weeks before i met the gorgeous Jackie Roman. Josh and i began talking about the one time we'd attempted to see the lighting-up of the tree at Rockefeller Center. This was probably '97 or so. Naturally, we'd decided to start the evening by going to Sophie's (remember that place?) and getting loaded. So, we got a late start, and by the time we'd attempted to exit the 50th St. station on the (then) B/D/F/Q, there was such a crowd we couldn't even get past the turnstiles. Whoops. The Pencil Factory, was, technically, decorated for Xmas, festooned with plain pine branches, an effect - especially in a old-timey wood bar - that went way beyond tasteful to almost spirit-sucking austere. What's with all the restraint? I mean, i verge on tearing up when i hear Linus' soliloquy at the end of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" just like you, but keep all this antiquated, spirit-of-Xmas, Baby Jesus jive for yourself. This is a time for glitz, loud lights and indulgence, for yourself and your friends. You can like it or hate it (i enjoy doing both, alternately) but the true nature of modern Xmas is ingrained in all of us. And it was conspicuously absent from the Pencil Factory bar. Combine this with our treeless, wreath-less, present-less pad at 74 Freeman St., and, well, i was in need of some sort of yuletide cheer. I proposed that we finally go see that tree at Rockefeller Center, and all parties seconded this motion. We did a round of shots at 9pm, had a beer or two, then finally got out of Greenpoint around 10:30 or so. We arrived quickly to Rockefeller Center, we had no trouble getting a good close look at the tree, although there were still revelers about. Its enormity inspired awe while its already-wilting branches inspired pathos. "It's like a giant version of the Charlie Brown tree" one of us remarked. Skaters skated in the rink below, and we watched a little kid or two fall on their ass. Our Xmas deed quickly out of the way, we decided to enjoy a cold evening in the city. "Let's go to Collins Bar" was the suggestion, and we headed to that Brooklyn-y bar in the heart of Times Square, on 8th Ave. across from the sadly soon-to-be-defunct McHale's. We sat at the end of the bar and enjoyed Xmas eve, with Josh sitting next to a forbodingly empty seat. Not much later, a toothless hooker sat next to him and started chatting him up. Remember when hookers were hot, like, way back in the day? Christ, of all the 80s stuff to not bring back. Anyway. The two chatted for around 10 minutes as Martin and i watched bemused and speculated on what they could possibly be talking about. She finally stepped out for a smoke, and Josh quickly turned to us with his patented perturbed grin and said "fellas, we gotta get the fuck out of here." Turns out she had offered Josh a freebie Xmas blow job. Yikes. We joked that at least she had no pesky teeth to get in the way as we hastefully relocated. I don't recall this explicitly, but it stands to reason that we would've been at least a little peckish by this point. So, we ended up at Rudy's on 9th and 45th, home of the free hot dogs. It was nearing midnight by now. The front booth, in all of its worn-out naugahyde glory, was available so we sat down. About one round later, we watched with glee as a bar fight broke out! There weren't too many fisticuffs, but the whole scene was so out of the script of a bad TV show it almost played out like performance art. There were the two men yelling "kick your ass" a lot, the woman between them managing to be louder than both, trying to break up the fight but enjoying the attention too much to really be much help, all while the bouncer woodenly intoned "you gotta take this outside." In our booth, we raised a toast. A giant wilting tree, toothless prostitutes and a bar fight. This is what Xmas Eve in New York is all about! Meanwhile, in Wichita, Kansas, The Kevins and their sister Pink Nasty were enjoying their Xmas eve too, though, by the sounds of it, in an entirely different way. Would I enjoy them live? Live, meaning next to a fireplace, sure. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): All four. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: People in sweaters. 7:39 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment mikki I love that Xmas eve story more every time I hear it. But I came here to see if you've heard that the guitar player from Steely Dan is now the man. Posted by mikki on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 10:31 AM [Reply to this] manjamas "JOEY!! JOEY!!, STOP!!.....IT'S FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!" That was the best christmas fight ever. I didn't want that magical evening to end. Posted by manjamas on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 4:13 PM [Reply to this] mikki excuse me!! actual christmas day was awesome too, bastid. Posted by mikki on Friday, December 16, 2005 at 2:33 PM [Reply to this]  MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 8 (Originally Posted: December 11, 2005) Le Tournoi (Alternative / Bluegrass / Lounge) Why does all "weird" music sound the same to me? Bradford, West Yorkshire must be the Pittsburgh of the UK, or something. Would I enjoy him live? No. Does he have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Is he friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Modest Mouse fans. Da'Reptables/Governors (Hip-Hop) The typical drinks and guns and money and thuggery jive. But, listening to it, i can't help but have the hunch that these guys are all actually really nice. Would I enjoy them live? Maybe. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Ah, whoever. Fuzzplug (Alternative / Ambient) The assumption / hope here is that, live, this band plays along to projections of home movies or filmstrips.  Would I enjoy them live? See above. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 3): All three. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: People who enjoy live music sitting down. My Pocket Zoo (Alternative / Rockabilly / Classic Rock) It's that rare and special band that can make the gimmick of the occasional use of the ukulele the least annoying aspect of their music. Would I enjoy them live? It depends on whether i had anything to throw. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No, but they are friends with Forbidden, who rivals Ms. Tequila in ubiquity and plasticity, if not novelty value. Something seems amiss here. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: People who are afraid of real bands. I Nine (Rock / Alternative / Indie) It's all here: acoustic guitars, lack of drums, cello, self-important singer that sounds like Alanis Morrisette. And they're from Atlanta. I can't even think of something funny to say about it, which really dismays me. Would I enjoy them live? No. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Naturally. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. How about Forbidden? Yup. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: A&R guys. Girl to Gorilla (Rock / Alternative / Indie) This band should've been named "Casual Friday." Would I enjoy them live? No. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. How about Forbidden? Yes. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of three. Friend status: Rejected. Who might like it: Co-workers. X27 (Rock / Punk / Alternative) Wait, X27? You sank my Binxo-ship!! Would I enjoy them live? Maybe. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. How about Forbidden? Ah, who cares. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Accepted. Who might like it: Big Black fans. More tomorrow ... 10:22 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

	mechanic	nerf herder isn't terrible, i've got an album of theirs with a really funny song about van halen... and yes on the blue hair, but maybe not that length! Posted by mechanic on Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 3:23 PM [Reply to this]

	Stephen	I have a question for you.  Have you ever accepted a friend request for a band who you don't think you'd enjoy live?  I could search the archives, I guess, but I have dial-up, and it's 1:30 in the morning. Now I have another question.  Are you coming to my wedding?  And if so, are you bringing Jackie?  I hope the answer to all is "yes."  Actually, I don't care if the answer to the question in paragraph 1 is "yes."  Just the two questions in this paragraph. Posted by Stephen on Monday, December 12, 2005 at 1:38 AM [Reply to this]

	THE CHOKE	We here at THE CHOKE love plastic fantastic boobies Posted by THE CHOKE on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 6:34 AM [Reply to this]

My Pocket Zoo

Thanks for taking the time to listen to our tunes - that is one of my favorite reviews of all time!! Posted by My Pocket Zoo on Tuesday, December 27, 2005 at 11:27 AM [Reply to this]

 MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. VII
(Originally Posted: October 10, 2005)

Gold Streets
2005 Finalist, Most Annoying Bass Lines.

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes. But i'm starting to realize, everybody does.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of four, one of which ("Red") i kinda dug.
Friend status: Accepted. They seem nice.

The Dirty Lads
From their bio: "The Dirty Lads puts the stoner back in rock." That's ... just ... awesome.

Would I enjoy them live? Let's rephrase this to read ...
"Would i enjoy their keg party at their uncle's place in the woods?" Maybe.
Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 4): Most of four.
Friend status: Accepted.

Copacetic
Hey, who wants to go down to New Brunswick tonight and beat up some college kids?

Would I enjoy them live? No.
Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes.
Songs heard (out of 3): Parts of two.
Friend status: Rejected.

The Fifth
You know, there are bands from Jersey and there are bands from "Joizey". An otherwise by-the-numbers rock act fronted by a singer who's sole influence seems to be Columbia from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'd write a more thoughtful review, but their profile features a picture of the singer's ass, and my boss works in the office directly behind me.

Would I enjoy them live? Maybe.
Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes.
Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No.
Songs heard (out of 3): Most of three.
Friend status: Ah, why not.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. Six (Originally Posted: September 26, 2005) Casey and the Open Cuts They're like your friend's high school rock band, only being pushed down a staircase. Would I enjoy them live? I won't know until their parents go on vacation. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? No. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? No. Songs heard (out of 4): Four. Friend status: Accepted. Shadow Box This New York act features romantic-falsetto vocals, driving drums, intertwining guitarzzzzzz zzzzzzzz .... Would I enjoy them live? No. Do they have more friends than Julia Marvel? Yes. Are they friends with Tila Tequila? Yes. Songs heard (out of 4): Parts of two. Friend status: Rejected. 10:14 AM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

	DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle	I just got a friend request from "shadow box" Sounds like something dave would come up with. Posted by DJ BAM! 2 - Full Throttle on Monday, September 26, 2005 at 10:24 AM [Reply to this]

Sour Hills

Hey how about another volume of reviews? Posted by Sour Hills on Thursday, October 06, 2005 at 12:33 PM [Reply to this]