I didnt see it coming
feel it waning
or even grasp
you were making the decision
I probably dont even know all the reasons
but I understand
oh do I understand
why you would want to leave
be rid of this place
down and out

I went walking today
pondering and thinking
remembering and wondering
--been remembering a lot
walking the lonely roads
the darkeneds streets
feeling nothing
lack of anything
trying to find motivation
trying to see a future
I understand why you thought you needed to leave
because I feel nothing
no direction
just drifting along an endless road

Youve been gone almost a month though
from giving up to a bullet
its lonely for us
--more so now
I understand
I dont wish to follow
but I understand
I ask and pleed for direction
for something to spark an interest
but you made it harder
because now I feel even more pressure
to move on
to move up the latter of worldly tracks

I know God is in control
but that doesnt mean I dont know what to do
ive said goodbye a few times
but it doesnt stop the hurt
I lost a brother
a friend
and now I wonder even more so
what to do
its been almost a month
and I still dont know "how I am"
I understand
--mostly
why you did it
but that doesnt help me any
it doesnt help me know what to do
or how im supposed to do it
and now I have a hurt I didnt before
but I forgive you
I just wish I had an incling of what to do




-------- I guess Ill say it again; bye nathan --------

The question is always there
from everyone all the time,
what will you do?
Always so eager
and not trying to look a fool,
you think and ponder
wondering if ever, youll ever know;
for they say do what you like
invest in what you want,
but what if you dont know
what if its just an empty void
an unatainable question
gliding in through space and time,

trying things only makes it worse,
just aimlessly traveling
trying to find the right spot
or just living in a life for existing,
not attaining your potential
as you grow slowly older
with no real direction,
just doing whats needed
to live on a spinning rock
faithfully orbiting the sun,
applying uselessly,
feelings of abandoning reason,
staring at the white screen
wondering what to search
what key words to enter
to answer such a dumb question,
that makes our lives think theres meaning
what a choice,

course those who always ask,
expect there answer
and so you feel the inadequacies
of not knowing,
and so with a calm rhythmic feeling
you answer truefully
nothing.

what a choice.