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Last Updated: 1/31/2008

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 30
State: Connecticut
Country: US
Signup Date: 9/24/2005

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[30 Sep 2005 | Friday] 
Drug peddler Eli Lilly announced yesterday it would add a "suicide risk" warning label to its popular ADHD drug Strattera. Advertized as a non-stimulant alternative, Strattera can induce suicidal thoughts in children who take it. Adults are unaffected.  In a related story, Eli Lilly reports record sales to Palastine and Iraq. "We 're backordered several months", says and Eli Lilly employee who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity. This same source also commented , "We just don't understand it, we've never had much of a marketing presence in the middle east".We guess it just sells itself.
05:34 
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[29 Sep 2005 | Thursday] 
On Wednesday, the World Economic Forum released the results of its annual Global Competitiveness Index.
For the second year in a row the United States of America, sporting the world's largest economy, lost out to...Finland. Thats right Finland. Sporting a population only 1.8 percent the size of, in total land area of 3.5 percent of, and a GDP a scant 0.37 percent of, the United States of America. So much for tax cuts.

17:48 
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[28 Sep 2005 | Wednesday] 
It is an annual ritual in Russia for their leader to appear on state-controlled television and answer carefully censored questions from Russian citizens. On Tuesday, Russian President Vladimir Putin shocked his nation by announcing that he would not seek re-election in 2008, in order that he might persue a career in the Russian Mafia. When asked what his role would be in this organization, he ambiguously replied, "As they say in the military, I will find my place in the ranks." Speculation abounds, but sources close to the Kremlin describe Putin as a "violent maniac", and say "he's been stung out on coke for months." Rumors have floated around for several years about Putin's alleged cocaine abuse; and after he made the starting revelation that he'd seek employment with the mafia after his presidency,  visibly rattled interviewers dared ask if he would get involved in the drug trade.  To this Putin only smilied and said, "Let's keep the intrigue going." Russian mafioso were unavailable for comment.

10:13 
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[27 Sep 2005 | Tuesday] 
If the latest hurricanes weren't enough to dissuade you from taking a swim in the Gulf of Mexico, this probably wont either. Up to 36 US Navy bottleneck dolphins, trained in such crowd-pleasing skills as underwater espionage and drowning people, may have escaped from their coastal holding facility after it was breached by hurricane Katrina.
 
But that's not all. They could be armed. Leo Sheridan, a source quoted in a Sunday article by the Observer(UK), says quote:
  
 "'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have
    simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or
    suicide bomber and if equipped with a special harness carrying toxic darts, they
    could fire'"

A confidential source close to dolphins claims to have spoken to one of the escapees. She tells us that this particular dolphin called her at about 3 a.m. sounding very anxious and upset. Apparantly it kept repeating "The tuna fisherman had it coming", and "We had no idea there were kids on that boat".
10:27 
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[26 Sep 2005 | Monday] 
    A new Connecticut law prohibiting the use of hand-held cell phones while driving went into effect on 12:01 a.m. Saturday. The law was prompted by concerns of exploding cell phone batteries, leading to incidents like this:
 

08:00 
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