Last night I had the pleasure of interviewing my Grandmother who has been visiting the states from Panama. It occurred to me recently that I’d already lost both of my Grandfathers and that it would be a shame for so much family history and lessons to die with my Grandmothers. I couldn’t tell you how either of my Grandparents met. I couldn’t tell you what their parents did for a living. I couldn’t even tell you where in Panama my Grandmother lived. Shame on me.

I’d always felt… hmmm, disconnected isn’t the right word… I didn’t feel as connected to my father’s side of the family as I did my mother’s until the past decade or so. I have no memories of my parents as a couple since they had me when they were teens and broke up long before my mind was capable of retaining long-term memories.

A few months ago, we’d promised Kali a chocolate milkshake so one evening we took her to the McDonald’s drive-thru to get one. As I pulled up to the first window to pay, Donny suggested I use the loose change he kept in the middle console. While trying to pay the lady, I held her cupped hands in mine to ensure that the money wouldn’t fall to the asphalt below. It was then that I noticed her arm looked as if it had been gnawed on by demonic Keebler elves.

“What the fuck?,” I asked to no one in particular as I pulled forward to the next window.

“Did you see that?” I turned to Donny.

“See what?”

“Her arm?! It looked like she had scurvy!”

Jack is almost 14 months now. His vocabulary continues to grow. Donny has been upgraded from “Dada” to “Daddy.” It’s absolutely adorable and somewhat annoying. Annoying because I just realized a few days ago that he now says Mama when referring to me and when requesting food. My mom will be pouring a bowl of Cherrios for him and he’ll start chanting from his high chair, “Mama mama!” Kali will be pouring a cup of juice for him and he’ll be standing at her side, pointing at the cup, and screaming, “Mama mama!”

“This is because, to him, you are food.” Donny explained. “It’s kind of cute.”

“No. It’s insulting. A bit of my soul dies when my son affectionately calls a french fry, ‘Mama!’”

Donny has taught him how to say, “Belly.” He will rub his own, and sometimes one of our bellies, and say belly over and over again. Not to be outdone, I’m trying to teach him how to say, “esophagus.”

I have the pottiest of all potty mouths. My mouth is a veritable cesspool of filth and f-bombs, molars and motherfuckers, incisors and… a really bad word that starts with an i.

I like cursing. It makes me feel better when I’m mad or stressed. Some people meditate, I yell obscenities. I think both are preferable alternatives to breaking dishes or choking the shit outta someone so, don’t judge me.

And yes, I curse in front of my children. Maybe I curse because adults cursed around me when I was young. Who knows? I really don’t buy into these theories that state that what’s done around you as a child shapes the kind of adult you’re going to be. Some people who grew up with F-bombs dropped like they were hot, never curse. Some people who got regular spankings as a child, never raise a hand to their own children. Maybe we are going to be who we are going to be regardless.

For years now I’ve wanted to get Kali involved in some kind of extra curricular activity. It’s been hard because most activities are ridiculously expensive and Kali is ridiculously picky.

When she was four she took ballet at her preschool for a year. She enjoyed it, but became too old for that particular program once she started kindergarten. Since then, we looked into piano lessons and soccer. Both were very expensive. We were thisclose to signing her up for soccer, but when we explained that she’d have to attend weekly practice and compete against other teams, her interest quickly waned. Thank God too, because the costly registration and uniform fees were non-refundable.

A few weeks ago, Kali’s school sent home some information on local activities for kids. One that caught my eye was a creative arts program. The class meets once a week for an hour to learn acting, dance, and video production. They put on two performances a year and it was only $50 a month. I told Kali we’d be going to the signup – with complimentary pizza and beverages – whether she liked it or not.

She did not.