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Not Usual Teacher



Last Updated: 7/3/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 99
Sign: Sagittarius

City: Fairbanks
State: Alaska
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/11/2006

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July 9, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  animated
Category: Life




Little Nut was in love.  She was madly in love with The Monkees.  It would be the first “rock” band she became enamored with.







It also would be the real first pop/rock band she liked that her parents hated.  It felt heavenly.  She got secret joy putting their album on the little red and white phonograph player in her ballerina pink bedroom.  After so many plays, the best songs now had tiny scratches so Little Nut had to be at the ready or they would keep skipping.  Lord help Little Nut if she was in the bathroom, Father Nut was home and the “I’m a believer” decided to Believe 10 times in a row….  Nope, Little Nut had to be careful about those things.






The Monkees were a pop singing quartet assembled in Los Angeles in 1966 for the American television series The Monkees, which aired from 1966 to 1968. The primary members were Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork, who were the public face of a music production system under the supervision of Don Kirshner.

The main billed heartthrob was Davy Jones.  Jill Nut loved him desperately and had his posters lined on one wall of her bedroom.  Leslie Nut was in agreement with Little Nut about such things…..Micky Dolenz was the way cooler Monkee. 






Each Tuesday morning the three girls met to discuss the previous night’s show and what scene showed the heartthrobs to best view.  Monday evenings were reserved for the Monkees and nothing else.  Those were the days everyone watched the same thing the night before since there were really only 3 choices. 






At the start, the band members provided vocals, and were given some performing and production opportunities, but they eventually fought for and earned the right to collectively supervise all musical output under the band's name. The group undertook several concert tours, allowing an opportunity to perform as a live band as well as on the TV series.  Little Nut would have given her eye teeth many times over to see a concert.  It would have been more realistic to hope for a ticket to the moon.  While Mother and Father Nut put up with the mania, it had to stay at the Nut House.  Besides, concerts were a fairly new idea and Mother Nut had heard nothing but bad things about them.  They were a bunch of drugged out Hippies trying to ruin the world as she knew it.

When the show was cancelled in 1968, the band continued releasing records until 1970. In the 1980s, the television show and music had a revival, which led to a series of reunion tours, and new records featuring various incarnations of the band's lineup.  Even today, there are occasional references to The Monkees and when NUT hears a song, she can’t help but go back into her memory banks.

Yesterday NUT happened to hear “The Last Train to Clarksville” on the radio.  Soon she was back to dancing around her Little Nut ballerina bedroom, watching herself try the latest moves in her tiny white and chipped mirror.  What a sweet and innocent time it was!  Fun memories and yes, NUT downloaded a few Monkee tunes to her Ipod.  And yes, you can shoot her now……..




Nutsville Class Assignment:

Do you remember the first singer or group your parents hated?  Did you ever listen to the Monkees?  Were you a Daytime Believer?





Post Note:

This was good for me to go through.  I’ve had a very difficult time with all the hoopla over Michael Jackson these past couple of weeks.  Now I get it.  Jackson dying and all the music being played brought back an entire generation to an early time in their lives where life was all brand new, mistakes still hadn’t happened and the world was theirs for the taking.


NUT








11:49 AM 
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July 8, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  blissful
Category: Life
NUT has a great idea for the next stimulus package.  NUT thinks she can single handedly solve the economic problem not seen since the Depression.




NUT says, abolish all automated telephone answering systems/voice mail and hire thousands of real people.  What a concept!  Back your product up with a human being.






Just think how many jobs could be created, how much money would be poured back into the economy, how many jangled nerves would be soothed, how much more business would get done, if real people answered telephones again?

Many among the Nutsville Students don’t remember that ever happening---except perhaps for Ernestine, Lily Tomlin’s iconic switchboard wielder.  Anyone remember her?  She of “One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingies” and “Is this the party to whom I am speaking?” 

We’ve also forgotten if we ever knew, that telephones were stationary objects.  The comic’s page’s Bliss cartoon spoke to the last week with a drawing of a boy asking his mother, “Why is Grandpop’s phone stuck to his wall?”

Quaint as it sounds in this high-tech climate, the old system worked.  Grandpop’s phone may have been a party line and he may have had to wait for three rings to indicate that it was for him, but he picked it up and said, “Hello.”  There was no hollow sci-fi voice saying that he was “away from his desk.”  Business got done and in a timely manner.  There was no such thing as phone tag going on for days.

Where do all these people go who are away from their desks?  Argentina perhaps? 

NUT tires not to be paranoid, but she can’t help thinking that they are sitting right there, listening, that the voice mail system has given those who deal with the public an excuse not to do so.  Or to do so when it suits their fancy.  Better not to tell them want you want.  Just be mysterious and if you pique their curiosity, you may get a call back.

As you may have guessed, NUT had a bad experience with automation recently.

A call to a local institution with a question required seven start-all-over-attempts before NUT could ask.  NUT didn’t have a name, just a question.  Directories that don’t include titles or departments are virtually useless in these situations.  And six of the seven people NUT tried were, yes, “away from their desks.”  The seventh was definitely not of this country.

This directory system, without title or department, is not unique.  Nor is another favorite frustration, the voice that tells you, “All our lines are busy.  But your call is very important to us.  Please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the next available representative,” only to have the same voice return to say “Please call back later.  Goodbye.”  Followed by a dial tone.  WTF?

NUT understands why these pushbutton programs are so prevalent.  They save money.  People cost money.  And NUT believes that the people who make the decisions to buy them honestly consider voice mail efficient.  But they are wrong.  An actual person can get actual work done.  Good luck with a recorded voice that pretends to be talking to you. 

We need to bring back operators!

OPERATOR!  Just typing the word opens a floodgate of memories.  “Operator, get me long distance, please.  Yes, I’ll wait.  Thank you.”

Those were the days long distance cost half a fortune.  At holiday dinners, out of state relatives were only called once the line had formed at the phone.  Each person got to say hi and 3 or 4 sentences.  Rarely were the children allowed to ever speak long distance.  It was too costly.

It conjures up images of sensible, dependable, friendly women in headsets, sitting at their switchboards, controlling the pulse of the community.






Their stories are worth remembering.  Mother Nut remembers a time when there were the small town, day and night operators like the one in her hometown.  In those days the operator kept a close track of “her people.”  Callers were known to ask to be connected to a resident and be told, “Oh, she’s right here on the line.  We’re having a visit.”







Back then if a house was on fire, you would call the operator and she would press the button to start the siren that called the firemen.  If their dog got hit or they had some other emergency, they’d just call the operator for help.  Operators used to be the 911 of their day.  There was no 911.

As a Little Nut she remembers having a WA in front of a few numbers for her connection to the big world out there.  By the time she went to Kindergarten there were all numbers in her phone number to be memorized.  But whenever Little Nut was in trouble, the O for operator was what you dialed.  Yes, dialed and not pushed.  The phone was placed on the kitchen counter for all to hear. 






Privacy was non-existent in those days.  It would only be when NUT was a teenager one could buy those extra long cords.  NUT bought a special one with her Mc Donald’s paychecks so she could talk to her friends alone in her bedroom.  That lasted until Father Nut almost killed himself tripping over it and cut it right through with a steak knife.

Society evolved.   We can place calls at will, with no human intervention.  Or if a human is ever on the line, you can be assured it is someone with an accent so strong it is just as good as talking to no one.  Progress.
 

So here is the answer:  Let’s go backwards.  Hire up all these unemployed folks to work the phone lines.  The personal touch will in turn relate to more sales nationwide.  The economy will be fixed, a la NUT.  Can’t be worse than what is currently going on…………………….





Nutsville Class Assignment:

Do you remember operators?  Ever get frustrated with voice mail hell?  Have you noticed the worst companies to abuse this situation are the phone companies?

NUT



 



1:03 PM 
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July 7, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  adored
The Final Wedding Blog.  Stay tuned tomorrow because NUT has all the answers to the world economic problems!






A magic spell takes over as the limo pulls up to the curb of the winery. From that point on, it was a fairy tale come true. The wedding ceremony and reception would be one for the books. And it was all because of the bride and groom. They were adorable in their love. It exuded from them and a lot of men got lucky that night just watching the two madly in love kids. They had to have what that guy was having for dinner……

NUT gets her picture taken in a wide variety of poses. It was very offsetting because the photographer would say, “OK.” After the official OK everyone would dutifully smile. But the photographer didn’t take just one picture. Nooooo, she took 4 or 5 at one time. NUT didn’t know when to stop smiling or even start. NUT had been told there would be 3 photographers there and over 2,000 pictures taken. After the up close and personal look NUT was sure it would be closer to 5,000. How in the hell could anyone choose from all of those photos? (Later NUT was told the photographer weeded down the pictures to the very best 500 or so.) Brother! The engagement pictures were 25 bucks just for a 4x6. NUT knew she would never be able to afford all the pictures she wanted. For the hundredth time, NUT thanked Coyote Nut. He was there snapping free pictures all night long.

Soon the wedding coordinator for the winery is telling the folks to line up. Then the officiate arrives. One look at that woman and all 16 kids immediately got in order. NUT was happy because she and her husband were behind the officiate and groom.

Before NUT could take a nervous breath, they were off. NUT was walking along a rose strewn grassy aisle to watch her son marry the woman of his dreams. The out of body thing started up all again. NUT was watching herself from the sky above and was impressed. Who was that calm and collected woman proudly walking to her chair?

One, two, three, four seats. Sit. Mr. Nut grabs his wife’s hand. Nope he sat in number 4, she sat in number 5.

Crap, the one thing NUT was responsible for besides not throwing up was sitting. She even screwed that one up. But apparently no one noticed because the other bridesmaids were heading her way. Daughter Nut came into view with a boy who had grown up at the Nut House. NUT had taken him to out of town golf tournaments, soccer and baseball games. Seeing the two together like that, NUT became spellbound.






The music changes and all of a sudden Son Nut moves to the front. It is time for the bride.

NUT had made it her business not to see the bride before the wedding. Of course she knew what the dress looked like, but it evidently had been tucked and sewn up in certain places. NUT wanted to be surprised when she saw Princess Nut.

Surprised wasn’t quite the right word. Actually, there is no such word to describe how beautiful Princess Nut was walking up to her soon to be husband.










After a long glance at the bride, NUT spent the rest of the time focusing her attention on her son. She knew the minute he saw her for the first time. His eyes became misty and he had to blink a couple of times. There simply couldn’t be a more beautiful bride on the planet.

The ceremony was perfect. The couple was darling. During the time the officiate was doing her official work getting the two married, the bride and groom were swinging their arms back and forth. Non-stop swinging. It was adorable. NUT thought it might be a bit of Son Nut’s ADD, but Nancy Nut insisted later Princess Nut was just as guilty with the swinging.

The couple said their “I do’s” then went back to the swinging of the arms. Even the officiate couldn’t help but crack an amused smile.

They finally stopped swinging their hands and arms after being pronounced husband and wife, then were given permission for a kiss. They didn’t follow those directions either. Three kisses had to be done. It seemed like a little routine to them. No one ever kisses just once. Adorable.






The music is turned up loud as Frank Sinatra sings out “The Best is Yet to Come.” NUT knew it was coming, but still shed a tear as the couple walked by. What a perfect song for a perfect occasion. And tell me this isn't the perfect picture?






More pictures. However, these pictures weren’t boring. The photographer told all 18 of the kids to jump up and down. She was a genius and snapped the camera like crazy. It was incredible the looks on all of their faces. Their laughter and fun made NUT smile in a way she hadn’t in a very long time. She had forgotten what it was like to be so young and innocent. What a glorious reminder this was!

Next the photographer has the group clapping, hugging each other and playing with the grapes on the vine. NUT was thoroughly enchanted.

NUT, we need to go socialize at the cocktail hour.

Now why did Mr. Nut have to go and ruin her moment? She wanted to hang out with the young kids. They were way more fun than all the old relatives and jet pilots. She wanted to be asked to jump up and down.

Finally NUT agreed to do her social duty. The last thing she saw as she turned her head was one of the groomsmen doing a cartwheel. Who knew he could do that?

For the next hour NUT is smiling and mostly taking in compliments. What a wonderful wedding! You must be so proud! This wasn’t so bad after all. Either people were telling her how beautiful she or Daughter Nut was or how much in love the couple seemed to be. It was surely the most endearing and charming wedding ceremony they had seen. NUT just fielded the compliments flying around and her smile got wider. Yep, she was the mother who raised that nice young man! You becha!

Soon someone is announcing on the loudspeaker everyone needed to go find their name cards and what table they were at. For some stupid reason, NUT had completely forgotten she had done all the cards. Seeing them all laid out in one place took her breath away. She had thought they would be on the tables already. Damned, but she had done a good job on those babies!

Who did these cards? They are exquisite!

Queen Nut is graciously telling all who can hear how talented NUT was. NUT grew about 2 feet. She was really liking this wedding thing. Perhaps this could be done every weekend?

Mr. Nut and his wife were seated with King and Queen Nut. That had been determined before and was yet another stroke of genius. That way no relatives felt slighted and the adults could have a moment of relaxing alone.

The wine is served. Mr. Nut declines but NUT figures she will just drink his wine. She had done well throughout the day and now she could allow herself a sip of wine. Well….maybe more.

Before NUT could take a sip, King Nut’s brother is bringing him a coke can. This had been a huge issue for King Nut. They only served Pepsi at the winery. He insisted on Coke. He complained to NUT at dinner the night they were doing the tables. NUT simply said, “Who is paying for this anyway?” Evidently King Nut had made it clear to someone he wanted a Coke.

NUT couldn’t figure out why a Coke was so important. And then King Nut did something which explained everything. NUT watches King Nut take a FLASK out of his tuxedo pocket and pour a good portion of some sort of brown alcohol into the coke. He looked at NUT and winked.

I am a very bad boy.

NUT couldn’t help but laugh and then glance Queen Nut’s way. She is rolling her eyes around her head. Evidently she couldn’t take him anywhere…… Mr. Nut thought it hilarious. It would only be later on that NUT would put together there might be more alcoholic genes in the family pool coming up. Not a good thing to be laughing about.

The new Mr. and Mrs. Nut are introduced. They were simply glowing. Princess Nut had not one sign of lipstick left and seemed to be perfectly happy about it.

Almost as soon as the stars sat down the toasts began.

King Nut’s toast was awesome. It was short and sweet. He complimented Son Nut to no end. Then he told Son Nut to put out his hand. Dutifully Son Nut does so, looking quite confused. Then King Nut tells his daughter to put her hand right underneath her new husband’s one. The two hands are there touching. NUT is starting to file through her brain for some sort of symbolism the King was trying to get across.

Now son, this is the last time you will have the upper hand. Welcome to the family!

The entire place erupted into laughter. Really, it was too funny. NUT couldn’t believe it and almost fell off her chair. Short, sweet and funny. A toast didn’t get any better than that.

Poor Mr. Nut had to follow that! At least salad was served before it was his turn. No, it was the best man’s turn right after King.






He openly cried as he told about being an only child to a single mother and how Son Nut had become his brother. Shoot, they had both flunked out of San Diego State together. He thanked both Mr. and Mrs. Nut for opening up their home to him and treating him like part of the family. He thanked them for the family vacations the Nuts had taken him on to Tahoe. He promised Princess Nut his best friend would make an awesome husband and father. She had nothing to worry about. His friend was true blue.

Since the best man was crying, soon everyone in the place had tears. NUT didn’t know what to do. How could one person be so happy and proud?

After a couple of bridesmaid’s toasts the salad was finished. The salad was good but didn’t have enough dressing for NUT. Why do gourmet places never give enough dressing? NUT enjoys the fancy lettuce just fine, but would also appreciate some flavor accompanying it.

Mr. Nut is up next. He simply expressed how honored he and his wife were to be included in this new family and what an amazing daughter they had just gained. Mr. Nut pointed to NUT and for a second the world melted away as the whole place was looking at her. Son and Princess Nut getting married was good luck following good luck. They both made each other better. Times would not always be easy, but they needed to allow each other to grow and love. With that understanding, they would create their own wonderful family.

NUT was so proud of her husband. There he was stone sober and giving an excellent speech in front of some 200 people. A year and a half ago, he wouldn’t have been able to even stand, let alone give a speech. He would have been drunk. And NUT wouldn’t be with him; they would have been divorced. NUT was so proud of her husband.

Daughter Nut was next. NUT realized she had totally forgotten to ask what her daughter was going to say.

She started off telling all the childhood stories of Son Nut sitting on her face, pulling her under couches and blaming her for any and all stolen cookies. She got laughs out of the audience with all the antics Son Nut did in those days. No doubt about it, the child had been a challenge. And NUT knew her daughter wasn’t the one stealing the cookies.

Daughter Nut ended the toast by saying she was so proud of how he had turned his life around to become the amazing man he was.

“At Last” is played with the ending toast and dinner is served. NUT dives in. She forgot to have lunch with the limo situation going on and it had been a long time since that cream puff. NUT gave a thumbs up to all the dishes served. There was some sort of gourmet fish that almost tasted like lobster. She had two helpings of that one! Pork tenderloin was delicious and the potatoes looked like fancy flowers. As the dishes went around a second time, NUT took a bouquet. If it was one thing NUT liked it was potatoes. Having them in the shape of flowers was just too much!

After dinner came the best moment of the entire weekend. NUT thought she’d surely already had it. Nope. After the Father/Daughter Dance, NUT is whisked out to the dance floor by a suddenly grown up and mature young prince. Louie Armstrong is singing “What a Wonderful World” as the tiny white lights and candles are shining. The dance lasts much longer than NUT thought it would. It was long enough for her to register it would be one of the moments a person thinks back to when they are dying. It was that good.




Of course, the Bride and Groom Dance was lovely. Son Nut could dance better than I thought he could.





The rest of the evening was dancing, dancing and more dancing. NUT was out of shape, but did a pretty good job of keeping up. When asked if she had a request by the DJ she replied with anything by the Stones. It was a great call because as “Start Me Up” ricochet across the winery, people came from all over to dance. If it was one song anyone could dance to, this was it.





NUT’s fibro started to attack after the cake was served. She knew she had tested it to the max with all the dancing and activities of the weekend. It was time to leave before she was hobbling to the car. Good-byes were said and most of the guests had either left or were leaving. NUT thought it was an appropriate time to leave. In any case, she had no choice. Her body had given out at 10:00. NUT felt like Cinderella at midnight.

The Nuts didn’t get to see something they would have loved to, though. One of the groomsmen’s mother had breast cancer and had lost all her hair, not to mention both breasts. They all headed to the dance floor again and the bride and groom had made arrangements to play “Isn’t She Lovely?” as her son took her in his arms to dance. This same woman had gone through her long time husband and devoted father committing suicide 5 years back. She deserved a special dance and more. NUT would have liked to cheer her on.


The entire wedding weekend gave people hope. You couldn’t go away from that weekend not being affected by the love that abounded around the couple. I knew my son and daughter-in-law were in love, but had no idea the depth of it. As the week went on, I would continue to get phone call after phone call saying it had been the best wedding the person had been to and it was all because of the bride and groom. It truly felt like a fairy tale and they were honored to be a part of it for the day.

I know, after being married almost 31 years marriage isn’t a fairy tale. But these kids have a leg up on life…..they are starting off together like no other couple I have ever seen.










NUT







12:04 PM 
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July 4, 2009 - Saturday 

Current mood:  excited
Category: Life
You guys have been so patient.  I decided to go outside and take some pictures of The DRESS.  The hair and complete make-up aren't the same, but you get the general picture.  I also think The Dress was much prettier when you saw the great movement around my body as I walked or danced.  Pictures really can't show that.  The gold lace part underneath was very form fitting.  The jacket just fluttered around my body as I walked.  Very cool.

Hope you enjoy!




Trying to show you how my hair looked up....




And my favorite memory.  Coyote Nut sent this to me.  It isn't full length, but you get an idea of what my hair looked like.




See you on Tuesday!

NUT



3:19 AM 
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July 3, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  cheerful
Category: Life






NUT wakes up blurry eyed at 6:00 AM. She swiftly remembers the night before. She had given the most successful party of her life. For someone who didn’t entertain much and disliked large crowds, NUT had pulled it off with abloom. It had almost seemed like an out of body experience. NUT had a feeling the out of body deal would be familiar by the end of Sunday night. Her son simply couldn’t be getting married…. The whole thing actually felt like a dream and would be for the remaining part of the day.

The rehearsal had gone well and was also a vivid memory. It made her smile just thinking of it.




Nancy Nut and NUT.  Friends for 24 years.






After eyeballing the clock again, NUT figures she has about 2 hours before the official Nut Hair Appointment was to transpire so she heads downstairs to see the war zone.

The front yard was completely cleaned up, giving NUT the false hope she wouldn’t have much ahead. Those great kids had really cleaned up for themselves. Doggon it!

NUT failed to grasp the point the intimate part of the party had moved into the backyard after her decision to take slumber. The newly fixed up backyard was a sea of empty beer bottles, cans and wine bottles. They were EVERYWHERE. It looked like the test pilot from the night before had flown overhead and dropped a city supply of booze into the Nut Backyard. And wine corks. There had to be an art project she could dream up involving wine corks. Could she get in trouble doing such a thing at the children factory? Knowing her, if there was a way, she could. Guess those would go into the trash bag......

Speaking of the test pilot........ From left to right: King Nut's Mom, Test Pilot Wife (Queen's older sister), Princess Nut, NUT, Queen Nut's younger sister. Yes, she is also an interesting character......





An hour or so later, 4 huge garbage bags are filled with recycling and the furniture put back to where it belonged. NUT looked around. Now she had this beautiful yard all to herself the rest of the summer. Mr. Nut had even cleaned his tool shed for the occasion, which was nothing short of a damned miracle. Yep, it had been a stroke of genius having the Rehearsal Dinner at the Nut House. A lot of work, but worth every bit of it. NUT adored her newly fixed up house! She gave it a quick spray with the garden hose to wash out the spilled beer and wine smell and smiled, very pleased with herself.

NUT heads in and Daughter Nut is wandering around looking for her ride to the beauty salon.  After running a brush through her hair, NUT drives her daughter to the beauty salon 5 minutes away. NUT is thrilled because she knows her hair will be nice and cool up. It was going to be 104 that day and she was clinging to any possible chance at coolness.

Hairdresser Nut was waiting at the door for them. She had opened a bottle of excellent champagne, fresh strawberries and little cream puffs. NUT was in shock! She passed on the champagne because she knew she had a longggg day and night ahead. However, NUT is not one to turn down a cream puff! Ever. Daughter Nut took a glass of champagne and Hairdresser Nut took two. Let the party begin!

Two hours later NUT is looking back at a stranger. She had never seen her hair so beautiful. It had come out even better than the trial run. And Daughter Nut’s hair was an adorable swept up style on the side.  Is this not an adorable hairstyle?






Mr. Nut was shooed out to the kitchen so NUT could sneak in and not have him see her. She had some serious relaxing to do before the grand entrance. NUT enjoyed watching some old soaps on the laptop and closed her eyes for a bit before the big race started. NUT was determined to make a grand entrance for her husband and had planned accordingly.

At 12:00, the noise level told her it was indeed time to get dressed. All of the groomsmen arrived with tuxes in hand. Their hands were full because each of them was also carrying a beer. NUT started to think for the millionth time, how many beers can these guys drink in a 48 hour period of time? Unbelievable!

Soon the TV is blaring some “Incredible, can’t be missed soccer game.” NUT thought Princess Bride was lucky the game ended before they had to leave for the winery. Who knew what would happen if the soccer match went into overtime? How 9 guys plus a very happy Mr. Nut fit into the tiny living room was unclear to NUT. She would soon find out. Evidently sitting and laying on the floor in a tux is acceptable to these boys.

NUT puts on The Dress. By the end of the evening, THE DRESS earned full capital letters for every part of the words. Never has one woman received more compliments on A DRESS than NUT did that night. Even BITCH was gracious with her words; as was Mother Nut. Of the two, it seemed harder for Mother Nut to say the kind things. NUT looked at her lovely daughter that night and thanked the lord she had done a better job raising her than Mother Nut had done with her. For most of the wedding Mother Nut ignored her daughter. Jealously is a bitch. When directed at a daughter it does damage that is hard to shake no matter how hard a person tries.

One final look in the full length mirror and NUT was ready to play her role from “Father of the Bride.” Mr. Nut was placed at the bottom of the stairs by an excited Daughter Nut.

Mr. Nut was stunned and amazed. NUT could see it in his eyes. He didn’t recognize her either. Some sort of movie star had shown up to accompany him their son’s wedding. NUT smiled and she became his wife again. Damn, but he was the luckiest guy at the party and made sure NUT knew it! The dress fit his wife like a glove showing every curve she had and gave just a hint of cleavage when she moved a certain way. He made a mental note to get her in that position as much as possible in the upcoming hours.

When is the limo arriving, Mom?

It is Son Nut. He looks incredibly handsome in his tux. He also looks to be nervous for the first time that weekend. NUT assured him the limo would be there at 1:00.

It will be here any minute.




NUT said that for 20 minutes...............................................

Both Son Nut his mother were close to tears as no limo is showing up. It started to take a turn to a dark ground soon. Mr. Nut saw trouble ahead and quickly takes charge of the situation. He calls the limo company to find out what the hell was going on. You know what? You get what you pay for. As you recall, NUT got a deal on the limo. Ends up for an extra 500 bucks, you get a limo that actually shows up.

Mr. Nut has the owner on the line who is informing him the driver didn’t show up for work. He quit. But he could be there to pick up everyone in 20 minutes.

All hell breaks loose in the Nut House. NUT is close to ruining her make-up and carefully put up hair by having a tizzy fit. Why does this happen to her? All she wanted was a limo and it had become the most complicated part of the damned wedding. Life shouldn’t be this hard. Who the hell doesn’t call when someone quits as a driver?

Coyote Nut saves the day. While all hell was breaking loose he called Daughter Nut who informed him the bride and bridesmaids were running behind with the photographer. If the boys were 25 minutes late, it was no big deal. It was a stroke of common sense and genius in a very stressful spot.

NUT hugs Coyote Nut with a new adoration. This guy was a keeper. NUT would have to marry him if Daughter Nut didn’t. The Nut Family needed this calm blood to add to the gene pool.

Since they had extra time, more beer was found outside, left over from the party. Snap goes the cans, guys laying all over the floor and watching golf is now the new activity. No biggie. They couldn’t get married without the groom. They would just start the party early or continue with the one from last night. Besides, the Nuts were so easy to be around, the place was air conditioned and sports were on the big screen. They would stay and have Son Nut get married right there if they had any choice in the matter.





(They wore those sunglasses up until the last minute....)

The groom wasn’t so sure about everything being OK. Neither was NUT. Both people were thrilled when the shiny black limo pulled up to the Nut House. No time for pictures, just run and dive into the elegant car.

On the way out one of the groomsmen came up to NUT and thanked her for the wonderful time. NUT thought surely he was talking about the night before. NUT had been fielding compliments on her hostess skills and enjoyed every second of it.

Nope. This young man had a blast the past couple of hours hanging out on the living room floor drinking beer. Go figure! He seemed to think the NUT’s were relaxed and used to having dozens of people hanging around their house at any and all times….NUT shuddered inside. She didn’t want to ruin any fantasies the groomsman had going on…..best bet was to shut her trap.

Time to leave..............






NUT rushes to the Nutmobile and turns on the AC as far up as it would go. It was currently 101. This was no weather for sissies to get married in! After gazing lovingly at The DRESS and then glancing over at Mr. Nut’s heavy tux, NUT decided not to complain about the heat at that particular time.


The ride was pretty silent with each parent thinking their own thoughts to be sorted out later. It was a monumental time in their lives and up until that moment, each thought they were ready. How can someone explain you really never are?



Nutsville Class Assignment:

Would you have paid the limo? After arriving at the winery I told the man I wouldn’t pay him a cent over 100 bucks and didn’t get an argument. I’m actually still kind of pissed about the whole thing….

Post Note:

I’ll be here on Tuesday with the rest of the wedding pictures I have. Evidently I have be patient for more. Or so I’ve been told………….I’m not too good at such things…… I'll make a fun slideshow when I get them all.




NUT




12:37 PM 
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July 2, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  enlightened
Category: Life


NUT eyeballed the temperature gauge in the Nut House Backyard. It was 5 minutes before her 50 guests were to arrive. The 102 temperature glared back at her. No doubt about it, this was going to be a hot affair in many ways. And, it was supposed to be 104 for the wedding the next day. Oh well, there was nothing to be done about the heat. The kids had moved where the ceremony would take place and that was the very best anyone could do. Not an hour ago NUT had hosed everything down to make it as cool as possible. The sun just needed to cooperate and go down...

Nancy and Jill Nut arrived an hour early to help NUT with the tables and last minute things to do. Jill Nut is in the front and Nancy Nut is in the back. NUT has incredible friends and they proved it this past weekend. It is true: when the chips are either really good or really bad, you find out who your friends really are.






Everything was in order for the party. Both yards were dressed in their finery. Everything had been decorated within an inch of its life.










The tables were dressed in their finery.






The cupcake tree was set, the movie was on and anything black or white NUT could find was placed somewhere.




The black tablecloth is really a silk black sheet NUT bought on sale at Ross.



This shot gives a better idea of the amount of people checking in at the Nut House Restaurant Saturday night. Daughter Nut definitely got the wedding bug. Coyote Nut was thankful to get her out of Dodge on Tuesday.



That is Coyote Nut taking pictures. I can't wait until he sends me what he took. Being a movie producer, he usually does a fairly decent job at taking photos...... NUT is in the back watching Mr. Nut do a nice toast.



Princess Nut with her parents.




Right on time, to the second, a big bus arrives filled with The Queen and King’s many relatives. Nut had heard they rented a van but what she was staring at was a regular bus. She shuddered at how much the expense must have been….not to mention how many people were on it. Suddenly NUT thinks the planning for 50 might have been underestimated.  Crap!

As the huge number of people departed the bus, NUT made the executive decision to greet everyone at the front gate. That way she could get all the hello’s done at one time. Mr. Nut naturally was nowhere to be found, so she would have to do this on her own.

Welcome to our home. How nice to meet you. Glad you were able to come.  Yes, isn't it hot?  NUT had memorized all the correct things to say and they came flowing out of her mouth easily. Over 50 times……


My husband is a test pilot. We just got back from Paris.



NUT looks at the woman who is telling her this. She is the Queen Nut’s sister and full of herself. She would be the only woman NUT met the entire weekend she wasn’t particularly fond of. (We will disqualify the officiant here) NUT might have taken a liking to her had she not heard “My husband is a test pilot” 20 times, minimum. The test pilot seemed nice enough, but should have known to tell his wife to shut the freak up about the whole thing. Did I tell you my husband is a test pilot? We flew in from Paris. Did I tell you we were in Italy before that? My husband is a test pilot. My husband is a test pilot.


Everyone had a great time at the Nut Party. For someone who rarely entertains and never has entertained this many people, NUT did amazing.

Princess Nut approves of the party.










Can you tell where the keg and drinks were?






The Nut Family






Coyote Nut and Daughter Nut





NUT with the perfect groom. See that guy on the far right? He is the jet pilot.





Trinity was the perfect dog for her daddy and new mommy. Thank the lord that pesky Roxie was at Doggie Disneyland the whole weekend.




Party, party, party! The question cards I did were a big hit. This is Princess Nut with one of the bridesmaids. Yes, he is gay.




That is Nancy Nut with her back to us. lol She was an incredible help to me for the dinner and kept me laughing at the reception. She couldn't get over BITCH and Mother Nut. She said I hadn't done a good enough job preparing her for meeting them. Nope, I don't exaggerate with those people!



This is Mr. Sunglasses, the beer salesman. You can tell he has quite an attachment to them.....lol






At about 10:00 the bus arrived to take home “The Family,” The bus came complete with a dressed up chauffeur NUT hadn’t noticed before. By the looks of the crowd and the empty wine bottles, it was good to have a designated driver, no matter how they were dressed.

NUT was about to collapse she was so tired. She was shooed upstairs to go to bed and the young kids moved the party to the back yard to sit by the fire pit and umbrella tables. All the ‘old people’ had left and now it was time to really let go and relax.  Upon cleaning up the wine bottles and beer cans in that particular area the next morning, NUT could only imagine the fun had until the wee hours of the morning….

Everything had to be cleaned up, including the dishes. Coyote and Daughter Nut took all the tables and chairs down, then did every last dish. NUT was sound asleep within seconds of her head hitting the pillow. What a long day!

And tomorrow would be even longer.



Nutsville Class Assignment:

Ever washed 50 dishes at once? Do you mind doing dishes or hate them as much as NUT does? Daughter and Coyote Nut made a huge amount of points for doing all those for us.



Post Note:

Tomorrow's blog is the major mishap of the wedding.  Naturally NUT had something to do with it.  The Groom truly did not almost make it to the "church" on time. lol





NUT




12:53 PM 
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July 1, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  blessed
Category: Life
ANNOUNCEMENT:  If you are tired of The Wedding, don't want to hear the details or see pictures, I'll see you in a week.





NUT was congratulating herself because she had every member of the Nut Family arriving on time at the Rehearsal for the wedding of the century. Getting Mr. Nut anywhere on time is nothing short of a miracle. NUT had pulled it off and actually had them arriving 10 minutes early.

The camera was at the ready, so a few pictures taken before the actual festivities started. NUT was first up since there was a quiet spot to relax.




Coyote and Daughter Nut waiting patiently for the rehearsal to begin.





The group grew larger as all the bridal party arrived.









All of a sudden the peace and quiet by the flowing fountain nearby was rocked.

Everyone over here. NOW.

Hmmmmmmmmm, who the hell was this with the loud and demanding voice?

It ended up to be the officiate running the actual ceremony. NUT looked at the 16 kids who were doing everything but paying attention to the matter at hand. Son Nut and his bride were standing, waiting for the proper directions in order to get married.







The boys and Daughter Nut are now at full attention. Coyote Nut is a stand-in for a groomsman who was in 2 weddings that weekend. The arrangement was unusual and perfect. All the people close to the groom could see him saying his vows, while the bride's family and friends could see her.

This is our motley side.....





The father of the bride, King Nut, almost fell asleep at the practice. That is the brother of the bride who never smiled the entire weekend. Both are a piece of work and will provide NUT with many a future blogs. The sister next to the brother is also a handful. Son Nut made the best choice, NO DOUBT about that one!  Oh, and HER dress WAS see-through!  Hopefully NUT will have proof in some of the pictures people forward her.....





OK, we have a big crowd to organize here. I NEED YOU TO BE QUIET.  THERE WILL BE NO CROSS TALKING, YOU CAN’T HEAR ME IF YOU ARE TALKING AND I WILL TAKE NO QUESTIONS UNTIL WE HAVE GONE THROUGH THE ENTIRE REHEARSAL ONCE.

Naturally a bridesmaid didn’t hear because she was talking and raised her hand…..

I SAID NO QUESTIONS UNTIL THE END.

NUT thought this woman missed her calling….she should have been a teacher. 16 twenty something year olds stood at attention and you didn’t hear a peep. She was able to get all of their attention in 30 seconds flat. Very impressive.

You go this way. No, not that spot. Here, 4 chairs over. No don’t sit down yet. No sunglasses tomorrow. (WHAT? CRAP? I’VE BEEN IN WEDDINGS BEFORE AND GOTTEN TO WEAR MY SUNGLASSES. NO SUNGLASSES?)

It isn’t up for discussion. No sunglasses.

NUT glances at the young man who was struggling with the idea of not wearing his sunglasses. It was the beer salesman. All 6’5” of him. And all 6’5” of him went mute. He wasn’t going to mess with this lady. She reminded him suspiciously of his 6th grade teacher who’d had the gall to suspend him for just one little fight. (Tomorrow you will see the beer salesman, Mr. Sunglassses, in the pictures of the dinner.)

Now, you turn this way. Father of the Groom, you need to do your prayer now. No, don’t stand that far back. Now you are too close to the Bride and Groom. Stand right here. No, over to the right a bit. Speak up, no one can hear you in the back.

Poor Mr. Nut is getting more perplexed as each minute passed. He is very used to public speaking but for some reason this woman was off-setting and making him nervous. She reminded him of his 6th grade teacher who had called his mother when he traded lunches with a buddy. Mr. Nut didn’t want to screw this up and he also wished he was home on his couch watching the Giants lose. This woman scared him.

No, don’t kiss the bride yet. No, it still isn’t time. No kissing or touching until I tell you. Step away.






Son Nut gives the officiate the evil eye and Princess Nut gives the wife look and whips him into shape fast. Yep, this is a match made in heaven. Son Nut wanted to kiss his bride. After all, it wasn’t the real thing yet. Who WAS this woman? She certainly was nothing like this when they went to the first meeting with her. Then she was all sweetness and light. Somehow this shrew had shown up.

OK, that was good for a first try. We are going to do it 2 more times. If you get it right, that will be it.

All the kids and parents of the couple check the sun. It is hot. Damned hot. Last NUT heard it was 90 degrees and it was only 10:00 in the morning. Already NUT was worried about the heat that night for the party of the decade.

It was so hot, in fact, the entire wedding had been moved. Instead of in the middle of the grass with vineyard and mountain views the ceremony was now in a redwood grove. All completely shaded at 3:30 and the potential for NUT fainting in the sun going way down. Lord help Queen Nut because the seating chart had to be changed at the last minute. NUT was incredibly relieved she didn’t have to be a part of that one. She had to walk to the front, count over 4 seats and sit her butt down. If she made it that far, she knew she was home clear.

Everyone was able to do a perfect take by the 3rd time through. The lady in charge said they all had done an excellent job for being such a large group. Every last kid was looking for a gold star or something. They went for a beer instead. Always prepared, the beer salesman had beer on ice in the back of his candy apple red truck.

Son Nut got his bride alone as soon as possible. No one was going to tell him he couldn't touch his lovely wife to be.






NUT said her quick good-byes. She had a party to get ready for and the race had started. Game On!!!





Nutsville Class Assignment:

So what have you been up to while NUT was busy with wedding, wedding and more wedding?



Post Note:

It would be impossible to convey to you all how magical the entire weekend went. Never have I been so proud of myself, nor my family. The Rehearsal Dinner was amazing. All the Queen and King Nut’s family were together for the first time in about 10 years. They were ready to party down and NUT had prepared everything for them to do so. The 16 bridesmaids and groomsmen  hadn’t been all together in the same spot for many years. Each brought a date, making the grand total to 32 kids around the age of 29.  To say they had fun is the understatement of the century. Princess Nut called me about a hour after they left. She informed me the relatives were giddy with excitement about how much fun they had at the party.

The wedding couldn’t have gone better, either. At one point in the reception I had to use the ladies room. When I came out of the stall and looked at myself in the mirror I almost didn’t recognize myself. My hair and dress just couldn’t have come out any better.

Tomorrow’s blog will be about the Rehearsal Dinner party with some pictures. The following day will be about the wedding with donated pictures. Before the ceremony Son Nut told me to put the camera away. “Enjoy the moment today, Mom.”

So, I did.



Wedding Favorite Part:

Mother/Son Dance. Bar none, the best moment of my life with my loving son. I’ll go to my grave remembering it.





NUT






10:52 AM 
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June 25, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  animated
Category: Life
Everything in the Nut Household has been on hold for the past month.  Whenever something comes up, “We will deal with it after the wedding” is the mantra around here. 

Well………….the time is almost here.  This will be the last blog until after the wedding.



Everything is a green light for the Rehearsal Dinner:

The decorations are all ready to hang.






The candles are ready to light.





The sign Roxie ate has been fixed and re-made.  The cupcake tree is ready for the black and white cupcakes to decorate it.






The centerpieces are ready for their flowers.






Daughter and Coyote Nut are arriving this morning.  Tomorrow Roxie goes to Doggie Disneyland and the decorations start going up.

Saturday we have to be at the winery at 8:45 for the rehearsal.  Then we are home to set up for the big party.  I’ll take lots of pictures of how it all turned out.  It will be so meaningful to see the home I love so much all decorated for such a grand occasion.

Sunday I get my hair done at 9:00.  The limo arrives at 1:00.  I’m hoping for a 2-3 hour time frame I can lay down and relax.  Actually, I am more than hoping………I’ve announced to the whole family what will be taking place.

2:00 we have pictures taken of our family in the vineyards.

At 3:30 NUT walks down the aisle without showing her crotch. 

If you happen to be near a clock, send her some positive vibes.  After I make it down the aisle in one piece, I think it will be downhill in the nerves department.

10:00 we leave and collapse.

Monday-Friday I sleep.  All day if I want.



Thanks for taking this trip with me.  It has helped me to write about it some last week and this week.  I appreciate your interest and it means a lot to have such wonderful friends. 

I’ll be on hiatus for awhile and back sometime next week.  Now that I’ve figured out that status thing, I might update that, though.

Love,
 
NUT




12:52 PM 
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June 24, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  animated
Category: Life
It is a month ago.



Mom, we forgot something about the wedding.

NUT looks up.  School is still in session and NUT is not a happy camper.  She wanted the year to be over yesterday.  She’d had enough of Principal Nut and a certain 6th grade teacher.  Even her pretty perfect class had started acting up.  NUT was sure that had nothing to do with the sort of mood she was in….

The wedding word gave her a swift shudder.  Every time that word was mentioned NUT started to feel her bank account go into the negative integers phase.  The party was costing more than they budgeted for.  But as NUT kept reminding her husband, they would have the yards and house all fixed up as part of things.  Still…………………the money thing was starting to be a concern.

What could we possibly have forgotten about, Dearest Son?  (Ummmm, maybe I didn’t say that exactly…..)

Well, we are responsible for getting all the groomsmen up to the wedding.  And me.

WTF?

This little tidbit had never occurred to NUT.  Somehow all the groomsmen had arrived at her own wedding without anyone holding their hands.  In fact, so had the bridesmaids.  NUT or her parents had never given it a second thought.  They were in the wedding and would somehow make it up there.  This added responsibility included 9 young men in the deal.  Big men.  Son Nut was about the shortest one in the bunch.  It would take a huge vehicle to transport these guys!

Any ideas?

Well, Princess Nut’s family is having a limo. 






Besides, they have also rented a big van to pick up and drive relatives for the entire weekend.  They’ve made the wedding into a family reunion.

NUT knew about the family reunion part.  There were people coming from all over the world.  The farthest away was the Father of the Bride’s brother in Viet Nam.  The van made sense to NUT.  The whole congregation was staying at a nearby hotel and NUT figured they must have at least half of it rented out. 

Could we even fit 9 big guys into a limo?






Well, Princess Nut’s family is having two limos so the parents can have their own.






WTF?

This was all a shock to NUT’s toes.  A limo was certainly not in the plans.  Neither was renting a big van for the weekend.  Princess Nut’s parents had their own limo?  Holy smokes!  NUT should have been born into that family!

You know what?  I will think about this later.  I’ll get back to you after the children factory is closed down for the summer.

As NUT thought about it, she got angry.  Wasn’t the bride’s family supposed to pay for anything involving getting people to the wedding?  Shoot, NUT could count on one hand the times she had been in a limo.  And there was no damned way they would be getting two limos.  Brother!  Even for a big, fancy wedding, this seemed over the top.

NUT just refused to think about it.  She knew it had to be dealt with, but wanted to ignore the whole situation as long as possible.  NUT knew she could just say no.  Those boys can find their own damned rides up to the winery.  But then she saw Son Nut’s eyes, thought about the great pictures of a limo arriving at the Nut House for the first time and the special occasion and knew she wasn’t going to say no.  As is well documented here, NUT is a softie when it comes to her kids.  Mr. Nut is even worse.



It is last week.  The same day NUT was fielding calls from Niece Nut, Bitch and MIL Nut.  Oh the joy of it all!  This was the day NUT officially got “Wedding Overload” and was worried since there was still over a week to go.

NUT checked out the rental car possibility and vetoed it.  For the money, it just didn’t seem worth it.  She would go the limo route.  If the transportation was needed, might as well do it up right.

As she looked up online, the limo companies were few and far between.  NUT couldn’t believe it!  She had never ordered up a limo, but had been sure there were more than 5 companies.  Also, NUT saw the term “Wine Tasting Adventure or Dream” written on most of those ads.  One had wedding in small print.  Very strange.

NUT decided to take a time travel trip backwards and got the old trusted yellow pages out.  You know, it is in something called the phone book.  Each year she got one, but never opened it.  There had never been a reason for NUT to bother with it.  Until now. 

NUT hit pay dirt!!!  Limos, Limos, Limos galore.  NUT salivated looking at some of the pictures.  How she wished someone would pick her up in a limo one day and carry her off for some decadent play!   It was the least she deserved.

After finding where all the limos were hiding, NUT was excited.  Surely this would be a successful situation to cross off her list of many chores to do.

Wrong.

She started at the top of the page.  NUT had about $200 in mind for a limo.  Even though she had never dealt with limo companies before, not ridden in one since her 25th wedding anniversary, she knew they would only need it for maybe an hour.  NUT hoped to find something even cheaper.  $200 seemed way too expensive but she supposed the cost would have gone up a bit in 6 years.

Hello.  I am interested in getting a limo to pick up 8 groomsmen and one groom for a week from Sunday.  We would need it for about an hour.

Sorry, we don’t rent by the hour. (Haughty Voice....) And we really don’t do that sort of wedding thing.  We concentrate now on elegant wine trips.  Now if it was the entire wedding being serviced…….

NUT felt she was being talked down to.  This guy was telling NUT she was low class just for bothering to ask if a limo could be had for an hour.  She quickly hung up.  Well, freak him!  If ever invited on an elegant wine trip, NUT was making note of this asshole not to use his company.

NUT went down the bright yellow page.  There were at least 20 limo companies listed so she started the phone calling.  She had started with the best ad.  Maybe that hadn’t been such a great idea….  She counted down 8 and gave it a shot.

After telling her needs, NUT is told there is a 4 hour minimum on the limo rental. 

I do have a fantastic limo which would fit all of those big guys.  They would absolutely love it.  For four hours it would be $600.

Was he kidding???  $600 to just drive up the freeway about 20 miles and drop some boys off at a winery?  NUT decides perhaps she should go into the limo business in her retirement.  What an incredible racket they had going on in this county!

Ummmmmmm, no thanks.  I’ll keep checking other places.

Well, good luck.  Call me back if you can’t find something.

That sounded ominous.  Was the guy telling her no way was she going to find a limo for an hour and had to be prepared to pay big bucks?  Big bucks she was currently without?   He actually sounded sorry for NUT. 

Shit.  This was ridiculous.  Limos should be fun.  Just the word exuded fun.

After staring at all the names on the page, NUT makes 4 more phone calls.  The best offered out of all those companies was $450 for 2 hours.

If you rent it for 2 hours, why can’t you do it for one hour?

Mam, this is just our policy.  Why don’t you take the deal?  You and your husband could go for a relaxing little scenic ride before the wedding.

Was he crazy?  They were getting to the wedding early to take pictures!  There would be no little rides through the vineyards.  There would not be any relaxing until NUT made it down the aisle in one piece.  Brother!  How could someone work for a limo company and not know this?  Crap!

After 8 phone calls, NUT was getting tired.  She was about to give up.  This whole thing had become way more complicated than she ever imagined.  And she was getting really frustrated.

The 9th phone call was much more pleasant.  A nice woman answered the phone.  She gave her the sad news they had the famous 4 hour minimum, too.  It would be $700, but Nice Woman said she felt they had the best limo in the county.

NUT’s voice started to crack.  She explained in detail about the wedding and how frustrated she now was.  Why was it so hard to rent a limo for an hour?  At this point, the limo could be trashed.  She just wanted one!

Something in NUT’s voice reached the woman.  She felt sorry for NUT and really wanted to help her.

My boss won’t let me give you a deal, but I have a friend who has just started up his limo company.  Use my name and I bet he will be able to help you and for a reasonable price.  He has two beautiful limos.

NUT wanted to hop into the phone and hug the woman. 

After much thanks, NUT was busy on the cell phone, punching in numbers.

BINGO!!!

After giving her usual speech, but adding the previous woman’s name, she held her breath.

Absolutely.  I have the perfect limo for this and I’ll rent it to you for $200.  That includes taxes and tip.

By this point in the now afternoon, NUT knew this was the best deal she would get.  After hearing all the other high prices, $200 now sounded like a deal.

SOLD!

Here is the ad:








The limo arrives at 1:00 and will park in front of the Nut House.  Even though I don’t get to ride in it, I have to admit to being excited.  One day I AM going on one of those wine trips in a limo.  It will be on my bucket list.



Nutsville Class Assignment:

Have you ever taken a ride in a limo?  What was it like?  Do you prefer white limos or black limos?  How much are they where you live?

NUT






11:46 AM 
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June 23, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  thoughtful
Category: Life
He was at the very bottom of the barrel.  At least that is the way he felt.  Life sucked.


His girlfriend had just broken up with him.  She didn’t think he was mature enough because he was currently living with his parents.  She also seemed to have issue with the fact it took him 7 years to finally get his BA.  Hey, he graduated before his younger sister.  What was the issue here?  Old girlfriend also wasn’t impressed he had decided to go into teaching instead of Kinesiology.  It wasn’t his fault he had no idea such a major required all that science!  He also didn’t have enough money and had no grand promises of great wealth as he was doing his student teaching the next trimester.  For the millionth time he wondered why they weren’t supposed to work while student teaching.  Surely the job couldn’t be that hard….

He thought he was in love with this girl.  Being a bit ‘hyper’ which he liked to refer to as passion, he needed an active lady to be his life partner.  Old girlfriend had been well suited to him in that department.  She liked sports as much as he did and had beat him at tennis more times than he cared to think about.  She was blond, blue eyed and beautiful.  But he wasn’t good enough for her.  That is what she had said.  Old girlfriend was probably right.

He was currently lying in his bed, crying his ass off.  His mother was looking at him assuring that things won’t always be this bad.  She promised him.  She was busy saying Mom Stuff and his life was ruined.  He knew she meant well but wished she would just leave.

What a bunch of BS!

The plan had been to party with his buddies and bond over his broken relationship.  Surely getting drunk was the answer to girlfriend issues.  The parents’ new old house was close to downtown, which was handy now that he was single and going to the clubs there.  Less driving time, you know.  He always was careful about the driving part when clubbing.

Until tonight.

He now had a first hand experience with the police, been arrested and charged with Drunk Driving.  His ass would be sitting in jail right now except the police had the intelligence to  arrest him right across the street from his parents’ house.  The arresting officers weren’t buying it until he gave them his cell phone and they called his father on it.

Dad was out the door instantly, not waking up his mom, thank the good lord above.  Dad saw him in handcuffs, though.  It was something he never dreamed would happen in his lifetime.

Dad was a drinker and would surely understand the problem better than these nasty police officers.  Dad was also a salesman.  Dad knew how to handle people.  He was usually pretty good at it himself, but the red lights and handcuffs had somehow hampered his clear thinking.

Dad had indeed charmed the policemen and he was blessed not having to go down to the jail.   Since the house was right there, the police told him to just go upstairs to his room.  They would have a further talk with his father.  Oh the horrors of being in his twenties and having to move home because of a few money issues…………..The police had just sent him to his room.  Did things get anymore horrible than that?

Sadly, Mom woke up.  She saw the red lights.  For some reason she had assumed Dad was the one arrested.  How crazy was she?  Dad did all his drinking during the day.  He had seen him.  He kept the water bottles in the tool shed.  No way would he be out at 2:00 in the morning.

No money, no girlfriend and too immature to handle college like he should have.  What a mess he was!  He had known San Diego State University was a party school and after high school graduation it seemed to be the answer to his problems.  San Diego let him down.  They flunked him out of chemistry two semesters in a row and  he got himself kicked out of the college.  Damned but they were more strict with things in college!

By some miracle his parents had allowed him to stay down in San Diego to go to the local JC.  It was fine with him since he still knew people at the college and got invited to all the right parties and knew when the best sororities were doing a beach day.   Ahhhhh, now those were some good memories…  There was that one chick on a trampoline…..

However, San Diego hadn’t been good to him.  Five years of working at Benihana while attending the JC with old ladies and bored men.  Well, he’d throw in a few miscreants such as himself…..  At least he finally had the units to transfer to a four year college.  Mom wasn’t sure she could believe it until he mailed her the transcripts.  Why she didn’t trust him, he had no friggin idea.

Moving back to the city of his birth had been a good idea.

Or, he thought so. 

Bunking with a few buddies had been great for awhile.  It saved on costs while he worked on his Junior year in college.   However, none of them seemed to understand about bills.  He was a man of the world as he had lived in an apartment for many years.  He even knew how to do his laundry with coin machines.  These guys were pitiful.  His buddies also had something against taking the garbage out so it piled high in the kitchen 24/7.  Well, it wasn’t his job to do it all the time.  He played the smell game.  How bad would it smell before someone took the plunge and cleaned up?

After a year, he’d had enough of the bachelor pad.  His little sister was in college now.  He simply HAD to graduate before she did.  How insane would that be?  His 3 year younger graduating sister was really taking life by storm.  He loved his sister dearly, but damned if she didn’t have a habit of making him look bad. 

He’d sat back and watched his honor awarded sister his whole childhood.  Thankfully he hadn’t been required to work as hard in school as she did.  Things appeared different with her.  She seemed to not be satisfied unless she got an A.  On anything; and worked hard all the time.  She had some piece of cake nanny job at college.  Shit, they liked her so much they paid for her apartment down there.  Life just wasn’t fair….

Moving in with his parents had been a major turn around for him.  He finally was taking school seriously and graduated before his sister with a year to spare.  That had been a day he’d never been prouder of himself.  It took a long time, but he finally nailed that baby of a diploma! 






The day he was accepted into the credential program was one he would never forget, either.  Both parents were thrilled with him.  They also seemed to like having him living at home.  Yep, he’d thought things were really turning around for him.  He was getting his act together.  Finally.

Now it was the end of his life.  Surely it was.  Red lights, handcuffs, broken love affairs and being called immature for the hundredth time.  It was the bottom.  He didn’t want to go on living.


NUT looked at her hysterical son, trying to form the right words to calm him down.  She had no idea what was ahead, but she was sure life was turning around for him.  She had seen a change in her son the past 6 months.  He finally had a goal and was busy trying to get there.  He wanted to be a high school coach and teach sport’s medicine.  While lofty, NUT thought he could do it.  Especially since last month he had been accepted into the credential program.

Son Nut seemed to think they would take back his student teaching placement after this mess and she was trying to assure him that wasn’t the case.  Since it was the middle of the night, NUT was hoping she was right.  She’d look it up later online after he eventually went to sleep.

NUT finally let her son alone with his tears.  She was certain he wasn’t suicidal anymore.  Why couldn’t this have happened to her alcoholic husband?  Surely it would wake him up that his life wasn’t going to be OK until he quit drinking?



Epilogue:

This weekend Son Nut is getting married.  He found the love of his life 2 months after that sad night.

Princess Nut changed all of our lives the minute Son Nut brought her home to meet mom.   He excelled so much at student teaching  the principal put in a good word for him at his very first teaching interview.  Without having to even substitute he was hired as a part time high school teacher.  He, in fact, currently coaches the boys’ and girls’ varsity soccer teams, in addition to the the girl’s golf team.  Son Nut  just got tenured as a full time sport’s medicine and PE teacher.

The buddies that didn’t understand about bills and garbage became successful: 

One is a brand new 5th grade teacher with a baby and wonderful wife who does home daycare. 

One is a first year cop and happily shopping for a girlfriend.  The upcoming wedding was filled with possibilities. 

Another is a wine maker and starting to make a name for himself; not to mention money.

The guys he partied with that night became a golf pro, a beer salesman, and a high end CPA. 

The group at large has thanked Son Nut again and again for the lesson they learned that night.  Everyone thought the Beer Salesman would be the guilty party one day.  From that night on, taxis were part of the deal when clubbing or partying.  It would never go back to driving.



All these kids will be here Saturday night for the rehearsal dinner. 

Son Nut’s sister fooled him and is still in college.  Who knew she would like college so much she wouldn’t ever leave? 






In a couple of years, there will be a doctor in the Nut Family and three teachers so far.  Princess Nut isn’t completely done with her master’s degree, so one never knows.






The old girlfriend is and was Daughter Nut’s best friend.  It was at her shower I had the anxiety attack in May.  She is getting married August 1st and is a full time chemistry teacher at a local high school.   She also coaches track and girl’s basketball.  She is marrying another teacher……….





I’ve been saving this story for an important time.  I’ve wanted to share it because I think it will help people to read about it.  Your life might be screwed up and feel like there is no hope, but hang in there.  Within a few months your entire world could turn around.

It did for Son Nut.







No assignment today.


NUT




11:19 AM 
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