Ahem. I take back all I said yesterday. About bring the mountain to Mohammed (are we still allowed to say that? I recall an incident with a teddy bear recently), so to speak. Last night's gig was incredible. I say gig, I'm not sure I heard any of it, but the night was amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

Even The Shroud had a banner in the crowd. It was a cardboard cut-out of his hairy little head. Underneath was the legend, "JESUS". Simple. Beautiful.

Had to scarper after the gig. Would have loved to have stayed and re-lived the 90s but the writing bug has gripped me. Nearly wrote 5 new songs on this leg alone! Gotta get them down while it's still happening.

Just waiting for breakfast. Phone Irie Nancy and that's me done. All packed and ready to leave.

I speak directly to you people of South America. You have been truly amazing. It's been a privilege to play for you. The memories of this little tour will live with me for a long time. Mucho gracias and obrigado.

Hasta luego.

GD.

What a mad day! I just woke up at 11:45. A.M.! That in itself is mental. I haven't slept that long since 1998 - Paris, I think it was.

It's FUCKIN' PISSING DOWN WITH RAIN and it's pitch black - maybe not black, but very, very grey.

Curitiba was great. The gig was anyway. Dunno what we're trying to prove by playing places like that, and here in Porto Alegre for that matter. Why not just do 2 big, fuck off gigs in Rio and Sao Paolo?? If everyone in Argentina is willing to travel to Buenos Aires to be part of one of the greatest nights of all time (I'm not kidding, you should've been there!) Then I don't see what the difference is in Brazil. It's the kids who lose out, if you ask me. Someone throwing up a make-shift stage in some car park can never compare with the noise and colour of a stadium. Still, the gigs themselves are great. Could be better though. Anyway, 'nuff of that.

What's happening with you?

As I said, am currently in Porto Alegre. Waiting to soundcheck. In the rain.

Looking forward to going home tomorrow.

In a bit.

GD.

So. Last night was eventful. The gig was outdoors and it fuckin' pissed down. PISSED DOWN! Monsoon style. Thunder and lightning. You wouldn't get away with that anywhere else in the world. These Brazilians don't give a fuck though. Amazing night. As it always is in Sao Paulo. I was particularly good (well!? I was!!).

We are currently in Curitiba. CURITIBA!! That's NOT a country, Mr Tabloid Writer. It's a city in Brazil.

In a bit.

GD.

These gigs just keep getting better and better. I didn't think we could top Peru, Argentina and Chile but fuck me, last night was easily up there with the best nights EVER! Amazing crowd. I suppose one should expect nothing less from Brazilians, but still - "well done".

And if that wasn't enough, I spent the day by a virtually deserted pool right on the beach. Hungover. Just me. And some beautiful people playing volleyball in the pool.

The atmosphere was spoiled somewhat by "Man, I Feel LIke A Women" by that Shania Twain playing somewhere in the distance. 3 TIMES!!

Still, it's days like these that I'm glad I persevered with that bloody guitar when I was a young boy.

Sao Paulo tomorrow. Home of Robinho and Elano. WE ARE CITY etc..

In a bit.

GD.

PS. By the way, The Bulldozer didn't show up.

Iz'rite. Only just stopped pissing myself at Chelsea getting knocked out of the Champ's League last night. Is there a greater sight in world football than a pissed off Didier Drogba? Hmm ...a sniveling John Terry, maybe? Whatever, vamos Barca.

We're in Brazil! Rio De Janeiro. Or as the natives say, "Redge-An-Airo". Should be a good gig tonight. Always is here.

The story of the day is that the Sheik, his highness, the guy that ACTUALLY OWNS Man City is coming to the gig!! THE FUCKIN' BULLDOZER!! Bet he doesn't. He'll probably send someone to see us for him! I'll keep you posted.

In a bit.

GD.

Great show last night. They just keep getting better and better.

Very little else to report. Some kids had made up "Noel Or Die" badges. The Japanese kids will be thrilled at that.

I'm at Santiago Airoporto. Just waiting on a flight to Rio. Gonna be hot, hot, hot. And the hotel's right on the Copacabana beach. Not that I'll get to see much of it. The kids there are fuckin' crazy. I'll be confined to barracks. Never mind. Got my trusty axe. I've been doing a bit of writing for the 1st time in ages - did I mention that already? Maybe?

Very disappointing to to see Man Utd get to the Champ's League final - AGAIN! They were fuckin' good though. Swatted the Arsenal like little French Flies. Hope Barca murder Chelsea tonight.

Anyway, fuck all that AND fuck all this. I'm bored. Seen some classic Ray-Bans in the shops. And I want them so I'm going to get them.

In a bit.

GD.

Yess Mods and Rockers. Arrived in Santiago last night. A beautiful morning.

What follows is an actual interview that actually took place. On the phone. Yesterday. Actually.

Journalist: Hello, Noel?
NG: Hello.
Jnlst: Shall we begin?
NG: Vamos!
Jnlst: Ok. Last time you were seen in Santiago with a sex turkey, what happened?
NG: ?? 'Scuse me?
Jnlst: My pardon. What happened with a sex turkey?
NG: I'm sorry, but did you say "a sex turkey"?
Jnlst: Yes. What happened with him?

HIM?? Jesus! Now, I'll freely admit - if pushed - that I've got up to some dubious gear in the past but this guy can't really think I've had full homosexual sex with a man-turkey? Can he?

We continue...

NG: Ok. We seem to have crossed wires here. Shall we just go back to the beginning and start again? Slowly? Yes?
Jnlst: As you wish.
NG: Ok. Fire at will.
Jnlst: Sorry?
NG: Never mind, just get on with it!
Jnlst: Ok. Can you explain what it was like in Santiago with a sex turkey and how it compares with Chris Sharrock?

Now, I'm thinking, this is either a live radio comedy stunt thing or someone put acid in my tea.. unless...

NG: When you say a sex turkey, do you mean ZAK STARKEY?
Jnlst: Of course.

SEX TURKEY!

NG: Aah, Zak Starkey? You mean Zak Starkey?
Jnlst: Of course. What did you think I meant?
NG: Ha! Fuck, Zak Starkey! I thought you meant that I'd had..oh, never mind. I think we have to wrap this up.
Jnlst: But you never answer my question!!
NG: They're both the same. I need to lie down. Goodbye.

In a bit.

GD.

Well, what a night!! People of Argentina, I salute you. One of the best nights of all time. Amazing.

There's not a great deal to say after that.

I'm leaving for Chile. Santiago, in fact.

Adios muchachos ('n'all that).

GD.

'Eye-oop. We speak at bad times for the Oasis tour. Bad times. We are a rudderless ship at the minute. And there's a fuckin' shit-storm on the horizon. I guess all will be revealed in due course. Strange atmosphere. I wouldn't mind but we're in South America! Playing massive stadiums and there's a bit too much hrmph-ing going on for my liking. Shame really.

Just back from the soundcheck at the River Plate Stadium. Sounded really good. Looking forward to it.

By the way, before I forget, that new song that appeared on your internet is called "If I Had A Gun..". It's not quite finished yet but it was quite nice to hear that someone had taped it. Been doing a few new ones lately. They sound quite epic.

Stayed up late to watch Ricky Hatton's fight last night. A fuckin' disaster. knocked out in 2 rounds. Crushed. I guess the cheque will soften the blow, but still..fuck!! Never mind, we can all help him drown his sorrows at Heaton Park.

In a bit.

GD.