Debt sitting, minutes clinging, minds freezing, politics screaming. I could beg to be 7 years away from here- MFA clad, financially clean, intellectually motivated, and a true contributor pushing the cogs of the pseudo-thinking masses towards the true meanings of freedom, teamwork, love, and vision. I would be a professor at a University, or the director of my own intellectually-specific creatie artistic effort. I'd be running the show, doing what I want, and loving life. The year will be 2015, and we will be passed whatever major elephant-in-the-room event we have in store in the next 4 years at 2012, and as being passed such we will be moving forward with new growth, ideas, strength, and inventions. Today, however, I sit on my tiny planet, with a little volcano, and ponder the acid effervescence of the noise of this planet. "Go away" I wish, like telling a clogged drain to flush, waggling my finger at the "responsible".. whatever. PHew.. The isolation of space is the only escape. I'm not without joy, just without quiet, without enough free will, and though feeling isolated can be strange at times, as the demands of my outer sphere wait for my exit, its still something I need in familiarity. Its in this time I reflect, process, and continue.
Continued at Knowing Less than Being

Its almost there- the time of year when I look back and re-evaluate everything and set goals for newness.. but we're not quite there yet.

There's still at least a month of volcanic heat to endure, and the fade of such going all the way through christmas, when I will get to see my family again. Good thing for the internet, or I wouldn't know a dern thing about anyone right now.

I've been very inactive on this platform for months. The main cause is, the 15 minute breaks I used to take at work have stopped, and have gone to facebook, as the myspace.com domain has been blocked there. (My boss uses facebook tho- so that isn't blocked.) Plus theres this new interface, and its all confusing.. anyway, I hope you all are still enjoying this place of community more than I.

I want to introduce you all to a very special person. This person is my ex-roommate in colorado, who you may have heard lived with mold covering her walls for months, lived in other filth, and basically has no respect for anything. (Just read the first line of her about me: http://myspace.com/erka420 ) In any case, she's a real winner, and I'm introducing her because she recently pulled a rather funny prank on me. She put this free ad in the Vail daily (98% readership local Vail paper) that made people call me for a plow (a "snow" plow that is, that was "rusty" and "needs lube".) Like I said, funny as hell - but it still made me change my phone number. The real kicker was, she pulled this after I blocked her from Myspace, which was at least 3 months after I moved to Albuquerque - yet she continues to think I live in the same apartment. The point is, I have also changed my cell phone number, and if you don't have it already and want it, send me a message of some kind ;)

I am glad I don't have to let any more "real winners" into my home anymore. Travis let me into his, and now I am slowly and carefully constructing the life I want, with many different options. First thing's first though, bulldoze and rebuild my website - that is already in progress. Well underway in fact. I have a great job that has enabled me to make a lot of changes in the way I design web sites and I have learned a lot, and don't think I'll change jobs anytime soon for the sake of boredom. Down the line though, things are looking divergent:

~Trav has a 3-5 year residency to look forward to in 2 years- less even. At this point, we can move around, or stay-

Portland, OR - where my spiritual teacher is - the MFA programs are not prestigious but yet they exist in an inherently open-minded and eccentric town. And a lot of rain

East Coast - Lets face it I know a great number of people on the east coast from NC to boston - a lot in boston. Not just you - those people from college, that one guy i grew up with, those other people from college, and those other people i grew up with.. you get my point.

San Fran - a few connects but mostly the chance to try something new and dive into an extremely liberal environment - I'm appealing to my conservative side to say this but I generally feel like I don't lean one side or the other politically - I just don't like clowns OR jokers and I'm "going black"" (hehe) this time around because mccain is just a spinster - realmccain.com.. In any case- I think being in an environment like this would either be a great challenge or a real homecoming - one that would help me realize greater aspects of my identity.

Europe - if trav can get a us-accredited residency out there somewhere, I'M PUSHING us out the door. I've been trying to get back there since I left.

Albuquerque - No mfa, but there is the Ayurveda institute, advanced degrees in Native american themed things, and santa fe. I've already registered the domain "anasazigallery.com" just in case.

Dinner guests just showed up so I have to keep this short. I will not be on mysapce from this point forward very much. I"ll be keeping it real on facebook and on my website, carolinecblaker.com. And I'll come back here once in awhile.

LUVS

Moving sucks. Then you're there.

After dealing with all kinds of obstacles on the journey- thankfully none of them danger, I am in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and at the moment having the first quiet reflective moment of my "new life" as some choose to put it. The sun is bright and direct in the above clear blue sky, and the steady breeze picks up once in awhile and blows some dust around. There is a small mountain range off to the east, the Sandias, part of the southern rockies, and on the north and opposite side of town, sits a 4 bedroom crowded ranch where the grass is waking up, furniture is being shuffled to squeeze me in, and my cats are adjusting to life in a home that has never needed to be "cat-proofed."

I marked my day with a visit to the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center with Travis, where there was a little expo of dances and artisans, in celebration of the upcoming Gathering of Nations National Powwow being held here at UNM next weekend. Yesterday was spent quietly too, going out for chinese at lunch and sushi at dinner. Other than that, its been adjusting to the sunny weather, collecting duplicate items for a garage sale, and keeping the company of a very intense and beautiful individual who will be by my side for the long-forseeable future, with no more good-bye's necessary.

Yesterday one of my quiet home tasks was cleaning the bathroom. What started with an innocent wipe of the counter morphed into a floor to ceiling polish project. Girls, you know what its like, if you've ever used your guy friends bathroom or a bathroom dominated by guys in any way. This particular act was somewhat more spectacular than polishing an average man's bathroom. There was the typical dirt removal, but in addition there was a particular 6x24 slider ventilation window way overhead that in the 10 plus year history of its existence may have never ever been cleaned. I discovered this when I went to "swiffer" the trim at the ceiling and when I finished one or two "swiffs" it actually looked dirtier than before I had tried. So I get up on the counter to hand-wipe the area and woooie! inch-thick dust in this windowsill, the screen caked with dust, and dust dust dust on all surrounding surfaces. Sticky, thick dust. Sneezy nasty dust. I took the screen out and dropped it into the sink at my feet and did my best to usher the dust out, but it was so thick i would have needed a little handvac or a toothbrush to get it clean from everywhere. By the end of the cleaning though, the bathroom was sparkling, and I took a well-earned shower in a very clean bathroom, that I felt some ownership in, like the bathroom might actually belong to both of us.

In some time, I'll be looking forward to a garage sale, a saltwater tank, a strawberry patch and garden, and trips out of town to the Acoma Pueblo and other native and camping spots. I'll be working hard to adjust to my new macbook pro- which isn't instant, as I'm on my g4 imac still... Its funny, how long it takes for some universal requests to return- major karma testing, patience, and resolution all-considered, weighed, and maybe finally delivered. I've been asking for all kinds of things, and strangely, all of it that I can think of has showed up in this relocation. One of the big ones that I wasn't aware of was resources. In the resort mountains, there are really SO few resources, that each trip out of town costs a minimum of half a tank of fuel and 90 round trip minutes, and must be planned and itemized strategically to gather the resources needed from stores like petco, target, borders, and other major retailers just so the following weeks are not spent planning yet another day-long outing just to keep ourselves afloat.

All of the major US chain stores, restaurants, businesses, plus many I have never heard of, are here, and not only that, they dot my commute to work, even DUNKIN DONUTS and WHOLE FOODS. These two in particular bring tears to my eyes, as I have not seen them anywhere but here in the last two years. (Ok.. well, dunkin yes, in Connecticut. Does that count?) And everything is so competitively CHEAP. It has to be, from what I gather. Its what my microeconomics professor described as "Perfect competition." So many in plenty, prices are down way low as any rise would drive away the consumer. Not like $8 a burger Vail. Nor do I need to drive 45 mins to get cat food. I need only pull over. Its such a beautiful thing.

There are resources here for artists too. Studio rentals in huge communal buildings that come with free gallery walks (simply open your door..) on first Friday nights. There are art supply stores a-plenty, and with Santa Fe an hour away, the community houses many of Santa fe's "local" people, all hoping to gain a little ground for their backyard, Albuquerque, and turn the arts up here just a little bit.

As I explore this great place, I am increasingly grateful for the wisdom of the universe, for knowing even more than me which direction I should be going in, what I need around me, and what I am ready for. The desert is vast and flat, with a few swelling dunes, sleepy volcanoes, and mountains. I can see for miles at many vantage points only a short distance if any- and know that I have what I need here until the next big step, whatever that is. There is work to do, places to explore, castles to build. There is learning, there is climbing, and there is better. I can see it, but the best part is, I got there. I am here. It was not where I used to be.

Though its not really right to bask in the sun too long worshipping ones own progress, as there is always further to go, I don't want any particle of what I have been given to escape my consciousness and be wasted. Part of receiving good karma responsibly is to make sure that it is redistributed properly, and a state of gratitude is only a farce without recognition, contact with, and inclusion of the elements of provided love within the consciousness. I need to take my time with it, as this is the nature of what I have been given. Much of it has taken several years to arrive.

Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to hearing from everyone, one at a time, through your blogs and messages. I'm still building my art and creative life, though the studio will be asleep for awhile. Its about internet now, for the next several months. I will build and create with my new tools- and the best part is, you will all be able to see. Its time to go to Jack's house now.

But what a difference. Living where I can grow.

"Priceless."

PS- for some reason Myspace has eliminated the "what are you doing?" from my editor. WELL- I'm playing Jai Uttal & The Pagan Love Orchestra's Mondo Rama album. HOTT..

Theres a lot going on. More than that, a lot of bad going on.
A lot of scary.
A lot of misunderstanding.
A lot less money, a lot more cost.
A lot of stress.
A lot of plans falling through.
A lot of nervous static in the air.
A lot of other peoples' crap.
A lot of uncertainty.
A lot of blame.

It pretty much began on September 11 2001, where looking off into the distant future saw massive storms ahead. They weren't here yet, but we knew there were more than towers going down. Not only were strange forces active, mobile, and under the radar, but it gave a particular resident monkey room to act the fool under cover of our identity as a nation. We were bracing for the worst, not really sure how long it would last.
Today, we still don't know. Nearly 7 years later the whole world seems to be getting involved. There are threats that are more imminent to countries besides America, and the muscle of our politics is increasingly transparent as is our currency. We're being squeezed tightly by our economy, and the monkey was so bad, that he decided to give us some of our money back. A partial refund.
Suddenly, our nation is finding that as a whole we are suffering. From ancient lifestyle luxuries come adjustment and clout. We can't drive as much, can't go as far, can't make as much, and our plans, well, they'll just have to wait. For what? Until the airlines become reliable, rise out of bankruptcy, and truckers can afford to deliver the food we eat. We're tapped out, and tapping out even faster at a staggering pace. Like the processes that got us here through time, its simply unsustainable.
One things for sure, and tha is that we are close to hitting bottom. Hitting bottom has happened already for many Americans and citizens of war-forsaken countries, and others with constant human rights violations and abominations. What's different now, is that fairly soon there may be a critical mass of the entire globe hitting bottom at the same time. You've all felt it.

"Hey what's that?"

"Its someone's mind. They must have lost it hitting bottom from their subprime mortgage."

or

"they must have lost it when their job was cut."

or

"They must have lost it trying to pay for gas."

That point of no return, where you just are completely unable to find comfort in any tiny pieces of good news, as you are overrun by personal and financial obstacles, as is the macrochosm of your community, your country, your world. You either get pissed or remove the immediacy from your consciousness in a death-defying act of mind-self-control. And then you read the news and realize that you are not alone. In a Q&A on LinkedIn.com today, John McCain asked, "What is the biggest challenge America faces?"
The first answers (out of 1544 total) blew me away:
"renewing Liberty - in my opinion, we have strayed from the Founding Principles of personal responsibility, limited government involvement in our daily lives, and Classical education.
"
"Illegal Immigration- it threatens the well-being of our economy and the security of our nation. We need to enforce the existing immigration laws, secure the border, and deport the illegals."

"I would like to see the amount of my tax dollars going to liberal social programs decrease. The challenge is doing this in a way that provides for the truly needy, yet weeds out an eliminates those who are just playing the system."
"Give us back our civil liberties. Take away the fear that our homes are bugged, that we can be hauled into custody and arrested without due process at any moment. Get our troops out of Iraq quickly. Address the issues at home before we worry about other countries; homelessness, a declining economy, taxation policies that benefit large companies but not the average American. Devise a healthcare system reform that addresses the millions of Americans that are uninsured and cannot afford health care. Examine the tax dollars that have been misapprorpriated for Congressional costs such as dating sites charged to, and paid for, on government credit cards or expense accounts. Bring this country to a MODERATE political climate, not extremists one way or the other."


.. These are all huge issues, and nobody agrees on which ones actually need attention.

The point I'm making here.. is that everybody thinks the world needs to change. We have been cascading down to a final struggle here, worldwide, and with information at our fingertips, we know that:

a) The world is against the invasion of a peaceful nation, and the the projection of that same perpetrator in the department of brotherhood and humanity.
b) Hardly a single nation exists with a government that accurately represents the citizens. Best of these examples are the US. and China, even IRan. They are a separate ruling class altoghether bound by a separate set of laws and motivations. These folks will eat when we are starving. This class is one that fights for itself for its right to stay there, and motivations are strong enough to disregard the wellbeing of the reason they are there altogether.
c) The Bush agenda is dead in our country. No matter who gets elected, it is certain that hallmarks of that government will be swept out. Its up to us to decide which ones go first, or so they say it is.
d) Everyone's pissed off enough to start looking, listening, hearing, and acting. FINALLY.
e) Roughly half of all Americans think that nuking the hell out of our enemies is the best way to shut them up.

What can I do? we say. I'm only one person. Or even- who cares?

Thats just it- THAT IS the BEST part. YOU are your part of the mass that all of this fight is about. While everybody is demonstrating, deciding, arguing, fighting, and struggling, you can take a deep breath, and contribute to a consciousness of peace.

By peace, I don't mean "Give up to everyone who wants to kill us and just let'em have it like Tibet." This is what "Peace" means to our nuke-loving cohorts.

I mean, "Withdraw, live your life like none of that stuff is going on." Don't get me wrong, stay informed, but the kinetics of your psyche do affect the air and space around you, and if we turned off our nightlights, all of us, we might actually be able to sleep, despite how scary the dark can be.

Dreams aside, here is what we have to be positive about-

Theres a huge mass fighting for our rights already. To just stand in the right crowd is to mark the effort.

We are not the decision makers, therefore we have an opportunity at sanity at cost because we are not constantly being yanked and scratched from every imagineable direction. If you want it badly enough, you can have it.

We have the opportunity to become more flexible, more adaptable. Its a major challenge to maintain in the face of change- but what if maintaining change and sanity truly became our values?

Nobody is out trying to get us. Maybe as a whole, but not each of us individually. We must occasionally use our own ways of creating positiveness instead of relying on these other groups to create them for us.

If change sucks, does that mean it is inherently bad, or is it just difficult? I think its difficult, but it is inherently good, and its there to show us where we need to adapt, become flexible, use our brains, and step up to the challenge. What if your whole life had seen gas at $4.00? What would you be doing now? What if you had been spyed on your whole life?

Part of adapting to these challenges is forming a permanent resilience against their harm. It is the best defense against any damages that might arise. The sound of human thunder is one that we at times have to release, but its not enough. The stimulus does not go away with a simple acnowledgement. There is work to do. It burns, stings, gets sore, but in the end we can do it again and its way easier. Resilience is the first defense of a peaceful mind, as daily challenges only contribute vs harm the state of mind. We feel, we process, and we use the energy from these forces for our own good, individual or collective. This process is in place on many smaller scales, all over.

I'm not writing this to be preachy, but to lend a hand to anyone who might be swimming in turbulent water. If the water in our minds is calm, then it can help smooth out the wrinkles around us. And what many of us need right now is a source of peace.

May you find it.

So i have this couch- its actually a sleeper sofa.

Its in GREAT shape. except its fabric, which was torn to hell by my cat.

So basically what I have is a great slipcover-sleeper sofa. The sleeper part is not gross at all. In fact its always been used with a mattress pad or otherwise.

I need to get this couch off my hands before I go to New Mexico. I’m thinking about advertising it as "Worlds Largest Scratching Post" On a different tangent, I’m going to try and get one of our south of the border personnell here to write something translated into Spanish for the nearby immigrant population that might need a sleeper sofa, without caring too much about cosmetics.

How much do you think this couch is worth? How would you get rid of it? I’m trying to at least collect a little money but lets face it this thing looks like .. crap.

All advice appreciated!

I know I don’t usually include personal stuff on here, but I wanted to share with you my lil guy, Odin.




This is Odin. He’s my Norwegian Forest Cat. He’s very sweet, but very naive. While I was off at my job interview last weekend, he consumed a piece of a toy by chewing it off.. not just any piece, a one inch plastic knob from a fishing pole where feathers used to be attached. He had been obsessed with the toy since i brought it home a few weeks back. I guess he felt the need to conquer it or something.

When I got home, I found the toy without the feather attachment left on the floor in the exact place it had always been. I figured he had chewed it off and hid it somewhere. But soon Odie was showing me that nothing was passing through his digestive system the way cats do, and he was obviously in pain. It dawned on me on Tuesday night that he wasn’t well. Long story short, yesterday, he went to see Dr. Gruber and came out with stitches. The vet had removed the piece of the toy from his gut, and told me it was a good thing we did, because it was "jammed in there," and not coming out.

Now Little O is resting at home but still pretty sedentary and still in some pain, but he’ll be okay!! I took him home last night so he could rest at home, and this morning I got him to drink a little water, which he turned into a lot of water, so hes doing better. Keep him in your thoughts. Poor lil guy!

Ah the power of a deluded mind. Ah x2 for exposing your powerfully deluded mind in ways that others will assist in exposing it for you:

From ABC

Candidate Clinton to Richardson: ’Barack Obama Can’t Win’


April 02, 2008 7:39 PM

ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos Reports: Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., and former President Bill Clinton are making very direct arguments to Democratic superdelegates, starkly insisting Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., cannot win a general election against presumptive Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

Sources with direct knowledge of the conversation between Sen. Clinton and Governer Bill Richardson, D-N.M., prior to the Governor’s endorsement of Obama say she told him flatly, "He cannot win, Bill. He cannot win."

Richardson, who served in President Clinton’s cabinet, disagreed.

But wait, wait!! Thats not all.

From North Star Writers

erry Zeifman, a lifelong Democrat, supervised the work of 27-year-old Hillary Rodham on the committee. Hillary got a job working on the investigation at the behest of her former law professor, Burke Marshall, who was also Sen. Ted Kennedy’s chief counsel in the Chappaquiddick affair. When the investigation was over, Zeifman fired Hillary from the committee staff and refused to give her a letter of recommendation – one of only three people who earned that dubious distinction in Zeifman’s 17-year career.



Why?



"Because she was a liar," Zeifman said in an interview last week. "She was an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee and the rules of confidentiality."

How could a 27-year-old House staff member do all that? She couldn’t do it by herself, but Zeifman said she was one of several individuals – including Marshall, special counsel John Doar and senior associate special counsel (and future Clinton White House Counsel) Bernard Nussbaum – who engaged in a seemingly implausible scheme to deny Richard Nixon the right to counsel during the investigation.

Why would they want to do that? Because, according to Zeifman, they feared putting Watergate break-in mastermind E. Howard Hunt on the stand to be cross-examined by counsel to the president. Hunt, Zeifman said, had the goods on nefarious activities in the Kennedy Administration that would have made Watergate look like a day at the beach – including Kennedy’s purported complicity in the attempted assassination of Fidel Castro.

To hell with this country if I can’t vote for Barack.

Along comes another shot at domestic peace and partnership-

I’ve just been hired by a company called MIS, Inc. as a php/mysql developer. I’m moving to Albuquerque.

Most people think of Albuquerque as a dump. It definitely used to be, but now that Intel and Hollywood are there, its actually one of the places in the US still growing strong despite the recession and is cheap as hell. There are great places to do everything.

I’ll be living with Travis.

THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS GAG.

I have to tell my boss today or tomorrow, which won’t be easy.

Say hello to your New Mexican.

And with ingenuity comes this startlingly brilliant plan for the inner cities:

Bush’s plan for the inner cities
March 30, 2008 · 23 Comments

As part of its plan to ruin everything good and decent, ESPN let George W. Bush into the booth during the Braves-Nationals game tonight, where he proceeded to inform us of the great opportunities playing professional baseball offers inner-city youth. Who says that he doesn’t care about black people? He just doesn’t care about black people who can’t turn the double play or hit a curveball.

I’ll leave any further reactions expressed here up to you.

Now I hate labels, as some around here are tempted to place-

I ran across this in the comments about Sen. Clinton’s "misspeak" the other day-
Hypothetically, the person who posted this comment is not a stakeholder in any campaign-

If you are interested in doing some fun online research, read this:

FROM: http://comments.breitbart.com/d8vkqh282/?commentspage=3

"44. JIM WHITTAKER March 26th, 2008 - 4:26 am

Chelsea is not Vince Foster’s daughter.

She is Webb Hubbel’s daughter.

Anybody who lived in Arkansas during those
years knows that, it was common knowledge.

Hillary had an affair with Webb Hubbel to get
back at Bill for all his skirt chasing. Then, after
Chelsea was born, Hillary turned a blind eye to
all Bill’s sexual adventures out of guilt and to
protect her daughter’s paternity. And Hubbel
went to prison not to protect Bill, but to protect
his daughter. And Hillary knows if she ever
admitted it, her presidental hopes were over.

Go back and look at some early pictures of
Webb Hubbel. Both he and Chelsea have
extreme underbites. Hillary has an extreme
overbite. Bill has neither.

These two trailer park grifters have lived an
entire life of lies, deceit and deception. So, her
and Bill’s constantly being caught in lies is
just a way of life for them, it’s what they do.

They lie even when they don’t have to, because
it’s a character flaw they’ve learned from each
other. Hillary even lied about how she was named.

She did NOT misspeak…
She LIED. Period…"