Dear Michael Joseph Jackson,

    I feel sad, sad that you are gone. Like a brother taken away from me. Even though I never knew you, and never got to witness all your glory in person. You are so special to me. You were my first real interest in music. I sat and recorded your videos on vhs for hours. And I would dance to those tapes almost everyday. Trying to mimic your moves, and sing along. I always wanted that white fedora you had in Smooth Criminal, I love that video. All of your stages clothes and all of you costumes for your videos, I wanted them to. I still have those tapes, and even though I don't dance to them anymore, I still think about it. And I still want to. I watch them, and as an adult now I realize the very important messages you were trying to send to everyone. Your such an inspiration. It's amazing to think that you were so young when you start your career singing. You were so good then, and you kept on being that fantastic through your whole life. People used to make fun of people if they were into your music, and that was crap. I've loved you my whole life and I wasn't ever afraid to say it. Now everyone seems to all of the sudden love you just as much as I do. I mean I knew people loved you but it just seems as it always does in history that once someone has passed on they are even more famous then they were when they were alive. I remember first hearing that you had passed on, I was so devistated. I didn't believe it. But then my sister changed it to the news and I saw that picture.... I cried. I couldn't believe it. My life long idol, gone. Forever. I remember saying at one time or another when I was younger that if you had ever died, I would cry, because you were my all time favorite.

   When my grandfather passed on, I went to Texas, and I met my aunt and cousin. My aunt knew I loved you, so she gave me a book all about you, and it was funny because my cousin Josh was like "Mom you gave that Michael Jackson book to her?" and she said "Yeah cause she loves Michael Jackson" and he said " Well I like Michael Jackson too" and she was like "Well I didn't know that", I got to keep that book. And it was my favorite book. And it still is, it was torn worn and old but I loved it. It had pages missing and it was taped together. Then one day when I was older several years later, I found a like new one for $1. So I bought it. And now I have two. What are the chances. I always hoped that you would tour around Kentucky somewhere so I could come see you live. I always wanted to witness you in person, getting down and singing and dancing. But now I never will. But hopefully one day in heaven you can show me some of your moves. Michael, I will never forget you, I will never stop loving your music, and I will never forget the impact you had on my life, and all the good things you've done in your life. Thank you Michael for blessing our Earth with your music and your big heart. I hope you are laying in peace, and that you are in heaven with our lord singing and dancing as you did here on Earth. I'm sure he's really enjoying it. :) God bless you Michael Joseph Jackson. You will forever be remembered as the King Of Pop.

With all the love in the world,
Monique Fogelsong

P.S. Here are your favorite song lyrics Michael, just for you...

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Earlier today was awesome Jason and I went shopping. He bought me a whole bunch of stuff, new shoes (like I need any, but they were so cute!), new shaving cream for muh legs, new razors, new makeup brush set that I know Keturah would be envious of lol the ends look like part off of a coral reef, I got some new shampoo with conditioner, and then we went all the way upto Indiana and got some fireworks... Woot woot. Now this evening we woke up late, so I made dinner late, which means my dad was being stubborned and wouldn't eat cause there wasn't enough time, so I packed him an extra sandwich.  I just felt bad. Ya know. But hey it's not like I knew I was suppose to make dinner. No one told me as usual. I'm just frustrated. And I'm all sneezy too. I feel like a headless chicken .I'm goin to Bubble's tomorrow! Well ok I'm gonna go... chow

Hugs,
Monique

So today was really fuckin good. Joe and I hung out today, we watched the Star Trek movie, we swam, we talked about a bunch of shit, we smoked cigars (and cigarettes lol), we went to the park, and then we went to Wal-Mart. We had a good fuckin time. It was really awesome just to go and hang out with Joe, cause we don't see each other a whole bunch. And he's one of my best friends, that actually still talks to me. There are very few of my friends that even bother to message me or anything else. But for those who do thanks, it keeps me saine. And I love you cats for it. I'm in a really good mood. And I can't wait till Jason gets back. The only bad thing about today was that I got sunburnt. And so did Joe. But whatever its all good. I'm really looking forward to this week, I might be goin over to Bubble's, and I might be going to Indiana with Jason to get some fireworks for the 4th. I'm stoked. I guess today I really just needed someone to vent to ya know? And just hang out and not be stressed. Good Times Good Times.... Thanks Joe! And I leave you with the perfect lyrics that describes it all it's from the end of Dust N' Bones by Guns N' Roses.


There's no logic here today
Do as you got to, go your own way
I said that's right
Time's short your life's your own
And in the end
We are just

DUST N' BONES


Hugs,
Monique

My current kind of mood.... Guns N' Roses lyrics for Shotgun Blues

I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
I said I don't know what I did
But I know I gotta move
Shotgun blues
I got the shotgun blues
I can't wait here forever
I got too much here to lose


An now you're blowin' smoke
I think you're one big joke

Me...I gotta lot to learn
An I'm still waitin' for the heads to turn
You say I walk a line
Fuck they move it every time
You walk a mile in my shoes
And then you tell me 'bout singin' the blues
You get what you pay for
An freedom's real high priced
An while your rippin' off children
Somebody's fuckin' your wife
It's never made a difference
It's only how you survive

I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
I said I don't know what I did
But I know I gotta move
I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
I can't wait here forever
I got too much here to lose

An now you ask me why
I said it's do or die
I'll stick it right in your face
And then I'll put you in your motherfuckin' place
And you...you can suck my ass
An I think it's so low class
Me...I'm just so concerned

I'm still waitin' for your ass to burn
Ooooh you want a confrontation
I'll give you every fuckin' chance
With your verbal masturbation
Me...I just like to dance
How's that for provocation
I'm just makin' a stance
An I'm tired of the frustration
Of livin' inside of your lies
And I'm wired on indignation
I said somebody's got to die

I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
I said I don't know what I did

But I know I gotta move
I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
I can't stay here forever
I got too much here to lose
I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
Listen motherfucker
You're about to pay your dues
I got the shotgun blues
Shotgun blues
If you're goin' up against me
Then you know you're gonna lose
I know
I know (there's ways- that we- can find)
I know
I know

You think anyone with an I.Q. over 15
Would believe your shit...fuckhead
Nothin' but a fuckin' pussy


Hugs,
Monique

Today has been weird. I've had terrible headache. I don't know why. Maybe its the rain or something. I don't know. Well my mom's car just crapped out on her today, so now we need another car. I think my dad got a Buick today, its like an older car. But hey at least he's got one. He's been borrowing Jason's truck to goto town and what not. But whatever. I really hope something good happens in the next week. Rachel was right this year has been really shitty so far. My lips are alittle better today. They are just dry. And sore, I picked the dry dead skin off of them last night cause it was so bad i couldn't feel my lips. So now I can definitely feel them. I'm crazy I know. I'm watchin River Monsters that show is so cool. It's crazy though. That dude is brave. I'm so fuckin hungry right now!!!! Well anyways I've been looking at some artwork from so different people and they are really inspiring. Now I wanna paint. Maybe some water colours. I dunno... Well I guess I'm done rambling.

Hugs,
Monique :D>-

So its time to catch up with me. I haven't been doin much. My lips are severally dry and cracked... It sucks... I think it might be a little better. Well anyways, my stupid dad got into a car accident. It wasn't his fault. He's ok. No car. But the person that ran into him is taking full responsibility. And on top of that my mum's car is goin crazy too. So she's thinking about getting a PT Cruiser. My dad rented one for a few days, and my mum fell in love with it. So she's thinking of trading her car in for one. And then Father's Day is coming and I really don't think my dad deserves anything. But because I'm passive and I care a lot for even the meanest people I will get him something. Jason and I got a new/old bed!!! Thanks to Bubble . It's a queen sized bed. And believe me its a lot better than trying to fit two people on a twin sized bed. Upgrade . We went out and bought a new comforter and sheets for it. And now it's perfect and comfy... I'm so happy... Thanks Bubble ! Well anywho. I also got a new GN'R shirt! It's fuckin awesome, and Jason and I got the new Iron Maiden Flight 666 DVD. Woot woot! It came with a cool Iron Maiden iPod cover. Yay! So that's it I spilled my guts. So yay.. Have an awesome day!

Hugs,
Monique

Yesterday was super amazing . Jason and I went to Six Flags . We had so much fun. We bought Big Six passes so me and him get to go back like5 more times for free basically. Cause tickets are 30 bucks and that's how much we paid for the tickets. We had an awesome time. I love being with Jason. It's amazing. Oh and I had a lovely cigar on the way. Woot woot. Well that's it... chow.

Hugs,
Monique

Everyone keeps telling me this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. Ok so here's what happened. I was washing dishes, cause Rachel wasn't feeling good, and she asked me to. So naturally I did. So I was almost done. I was washing up the cups, I go in order according to what it is like plates, small plates, then cups, then forks, then pots and pans. Well anyways I washing the cups like I said, and I some how managed to break Rachel's cup that one of her friends gave her. I feel so damn bad about it. I nearly cried. So I'm gonna get her a new glass and something extra to make up for it.... God I'm such a ditz. And on top of that Jason didn't get paid today. So it hasn't been a great day for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better...


Hugs,
Monique

Ok so yesterdays blog is a result of my depression that emerges like crazy when Jason isn't with me. Now you know how important he is to me. I'm alright. I just gotta control my crazy thoughts. He's everything to me, and I'm nothing without him. I'm just mush. And lonesomeness. Geez could you imagine how horrid I would be if he didn't live with me anymore. That's how I used to be all the time. Well I'm sorry if I made anyone feel like they don't care about me. But hey I would like to come see some of you guys again. We'll have to make arrangements. Well as for the sewing thing Z. I was totally already on track to start doin that. I wanna get a sewing machine. Well I don't know what else to say. I'm just bored constantly and I miss everyone. So much.

Love you guys,
Monique

Right now Jason is at his friends jammin. Guess what I'm doin and where I'm at right now? Go ahead I give you one guess.... ..... ..... Give up? I'm at home, doing absolutely nothing. Fuckin nothing. I don't go anywhere, I don't do shit. I get out like once a week, maybe a few times more if I'm lucky. Nobody talks to me, nobody wants to hang out. Nobody wants nothin to do with me at all. It's bullshit. All I have is Jason, that's it. And believe me I'm very grateful for him. But right now my one source of amusement is gone. Till 8 might I add. It's 4:30. So I know your askin me why don't I go with him when he goes to jam? Well I'll tell you. Because if I go I'll have nothing to do but sit there. There are cats there and I'm allergic. And I could really go on and on.  I just feel like I've lost everybody. I used to have so many friends. And I used to be able to create something for myself to do when I was bored. Now I've got nothin. I've run out of ideas. And nobody is here to figure somethin out to do. Rachel is asleep, mom and dad are doin whatever or they are asleep. So what the fuck do I do. I guess I just sit here and do nothing like I do every fucking night. I fuckin hate this place. You've got no idea. I'm goin fuckin insane, and there isn't anybody here to put me in an insane asylum. FUCK!

I'm Out,
Monique