Well I'm bored... My shift ended early again, the night has been slow. And I got a chip on my shoulder.... So here goes.... So I take questions right, and I answer them and send them back to the customer. So we have this button that says "return to queue" well if we are NEVER suppose to use this button then what the fuck is it for? They keep complaining about people using the button, well if you don't want people to use it then take it off. So I think the only reason I use this button is if I really can't find the answer to the question, that's only reason I have ever used it. And I've used it maybe twice. I just think that if someone can answer the question better let them do it, instead of me giving the customer some shitty stupid answer that they will send back in complaint. Right? I mean if you asked us a question and you paid a dollar for the answer wouldn't you want a good answer? Lets say you asked a question, and I was automatically assigned this question, the question being lets say...."How do you train your dog?" ok so I look it up and I'm suppose to answer in 6 minutes, well what if 6 minutes passes? Then I say to myself "I'll return it to the queue so someone else can answer it quicker and maybe better because maybe they are familiar with the subject."  (Which don't get me wrong I really know how to take out a dog this is purely hypthteical) Or I'll say"Well I can just tell to rub the dogs nose in shit". Now if you were the customer would you be happy with that? No you would complain and ask for a refund, so I'm saving the company a dollar by sending it to the queue, and Johnny will answer your question and he will say something like..."Take the dog out every two hours so it will get used to being walked, or you can get puppy training pads to help when you are gone or busy." Now that's worth a dollar right? I'd pay for that answer. I wouldn't pay for the original one. If the customer complains they get a refund if they apply for one, and we loose money, if the answer is good then we keep the money and everyone is happy. Am I the only one seeing the logic in this? I mean seriously take the button off if its such a big damn deal. Ok I'm done ranting... I just had to get that out to see if I'm making sense even to myself.

Hugs,
Monique

Well honestly I haven't the faintest idea how anyone is doing. I know Keturah was sick, but I don't know how she is, that's frustrating. I wish we were still friends on myspace so I could read her blogs and know what's goin on with her and how she is. I'm not mad, I'm just worried. I think everyone else is doing alright. Rachel is pretty good, still about the same as usual in pain and what not. I emailed Z today to see how everyone is doing up there so hopefully I'll know soon. Friendwise, no talks to me anymore, except the occasionally message from Sky, Bubble, or Joe. Everyone else that use to be my friend has just disappeared. Even if I try to talk to them. They don't say anything back. So I guess I'm not as important as everyone use to say I was. But whatever I'm getting on with my life. Jason and I are doing fan-fucking-tastic. So eat that! I actually have a job I work for kgb. I feel like a real person now! I get paid monthly, but its better than nothing which was what I was getting. Well actually I have to start work right now. I'll post more again when I get the chance. I'm thinkin about everyone constantly so message me sometime.

Hugs,
Monique

I love spending time with my sisters. Especially now that we are all grown up. I love the times that we get to talk to each other and really relate. It feels wholesome. Therapeutic even. We are all so different. But we are so alike as well. Its amazing what we come up with to talk about. Most of my life has been hell, but now things seem like they are looking up, we've all grown strong together. I want more times like these. I can't wait to move out so we can visit more. And be a real family instead of a dysfunctional one. Lots of stress would be lifted. No more worries. Just love.... family..... ok so if any of this is misspelled or sounds funny its probably because of the medicine I'm taking to get over whatever it is I'm suppose to have. It makes me sleepy, goofy, and very very confused. It looks right to me right now.... lol..... omg..... I need to goto bed, this stuff is seriously messing with my brain and makin me tired.....

Hugs,
Monique

Today was a really good day. Mum and I got to go out to a Peddlers Mall that we haven't been too. I'm starting a bear collection, like ya know little nic-nak kind of decorative bears. They are so cute. Really. I've got 4 bears so far. I also have a little hanging pillow that says teddy bear collector. Isn't that cute? I have loads of stuffed teddy bears too. I love bears.  I got this groovy old purse too. Anyways we went out to eat too. It was great. I never get that one on one time with mom. We talked about moving and we were looking at houses. So since Rachel is gone for a couple of weeks I'm watching Tibo. He's been really good. The first day he had an accident, but I've been trying to take him out every two hours so that he wont have any accidents, especially when he goes to sleep with Mum. I even let the little guy come in my room, and he behaved so well, he just slept next to me while I played video games. But anywho, things have been quiet, I'm stressed to the max, and depressed, but I'm trying to be happier. I'm dealing with things better. It was lovely to see all my sisters the other day, all together, I mean I see Rachel everyday, but I don't see Z, or Keturah. So it was nice just to have all the sisters together. I'm going to try to stay a few days with Z soon. I gotta go to the doctor this week first. My birthday is coming up soon. I can't believe I'm gonna be 20. That seems weird, ya know cause I'm the baby. I don't know what Jason has planned, I hope at least I can get my new tattoo. That'd be great. Also today I was watching this thing about Jesus. And it was really interesting. Enlightining rather. Well that's it. I want to post a pic, but my compy is being dumb....

Hugs,
Monique

Well fortunately Mom was just at the store last night. I was so scared she had taken off. On the upside of things we're looking to move again, as I've said. I can't wait. I wanna be back in town. Once we're back in town, I wanna volunteer somewhere. Give a helping hand to the need or something. It would make me feel good about myself. Instead of feeling like crap. I wanna get back to walking around town, losing weight. Everything. Maybe I'll get to see some good friends again. That'd be nice. This has been such a bad year so far. I want things to get better. I wanna be happy again. You know? I mean I'm happy because I have Jason, but when he's gone I feel empty, because he's the only stable thing I have. Well I'm trying to look up. Not be depressed. Its hard. But I'm making it. Hopefully things will work out to were I can still have a good birthday. Jason is suppose to be getting some overtime soon. So that will help. I love everyone, all the friends and family that have kept me alive for a long time. Thanks for all the mental support too. I'll be seeing you all in town. Hopefully.

Hugs to you,
Mo <3 (Here are some lyrics for you)


"Little Bird" By:Annie Lennox

I look up to the little bird
That glides across the sky
He sings the clearest melody
It makes me want to cry
It makes me want to sit right down
and cry cry cry
I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I...
I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here

But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go ?
My my what do I know ?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test

For I am just a troubled soul
Who's weighted...
Weighted to the ground
Give me the strength to carry on
Till I can lay this burden down
Give me the strength to lay this burden down down down yeah
Give me the strength to lay it down

But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go ?
My my what do I know ?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test

Well the first half of my dad was really good... I went to the zoo with Jason. I took loads of pictures of all the animals. I had some dip n' dots. We had lots of fun. Well then off course there always has to be a downfall in the day right? Cause it can't just start being amazing and staying that way. So I get home.... and guess what??? Chaos. I don't know what happened the other day... But mom is very pissed at my "dad". I don't think they have been fighting. But something is wrong. Mom told me and Rachel today that if we don't get out of this place soon she's gonna slit her wrists. So now we have to try really hard to find another place to live within two months. She said she was leaving with or without us. And she also basically said that we were holding her back. I don't want to think negatively towards  mom, but this isn't the first time she's really stabbed me in the heart by saying something like that. She's said other hurtful things to me, and once a few years ago when I was way younger, she even left me here to rot with my dad. Like I wanted that or something. That really fucked with me. All because I told her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. So she just got pissed at me and left. I felt all alone. Well right now shes gone again. I have no idea where she is. I just hope shes alright. She told us that yesterday she almost stayed in a hotel. Maybe that's where she is at. I just hope shes ok. I know she feels like no one loves her or cares about her feelings. But I truly do. And I know my sisters do too. I pray to God that we get out soon. It looks like we probably wont do anything for my birthday so we can save money .


Monique

She's back... thank god...

Monique

I'm so worried about Mum. Shes been so depressed today. And awhile ago she was crying and then she just left. I'm scared..... She talked to me earlier about things and she told me that someone she knew, knew someone who just committed suicide. She said that sometimes people just drive you to it. And that makes me worry about her. Cause shes all alone right now and shes upset. I mean I'd honestly like to think that she would never do anything like that, but... I dunno. I'm just scared... I let my thoughts get the best of me a lot. I know she wont. I guess she just needs some space from everyone. I guess maybe I'm stupid for worrying that she'd do something like that. But if someone told you they heard of someone committing suicide and you knew they were depressed wouldn't you worry too? Especially if they told you they should just disappear. And that people drive you to do things sometimes. I know I'm worrying too much. But I can't help it. All I have is my Mum (parent wise). I mean its not like my supposed "father" is worth a damn. I mean if he went off the deep end and killed himself, honestly, as sad as this is, it would be a blessing. I love Mum though. I don't want anything to happen to her. I want her to be happy. It makes me wanna cry cause I know she hurts so bad. Her knee has been swollen recently and she's been in pain. And now she's depressed. I wish some how I could help her. Or ease her mind. Ughh... I feel so useless. I want to cry.


Monique

Today officially Jason and I have been together for 5 years and 5 months. I really love him with all my heart. And I believe he feels the same way. He better!!! lol.... I know he does. It's been so long, and it doesn't feel like it. I have never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with him. I miss him immensely when he or I am away. Almost to the point of depression, and when we are together its like we fit perfectly together like a complete puzzle. He takes good care of me, he's always there for me. He's my white knight when I need him to save me. He's my bugger squasher . He's my pooky bear when I need to cuddle. He's my heart and soul...always. We have our fights. We have our laughs. We have our cries. And even after those rare awful times when we feel like things are falling apart, we still kiss each other good night. We still love. If I'm dreaming please God never let it end. I want things to stay wonderful and stay in love with him till the day I die. I want to get married and have redheaded children . I want a house to call our own. I have high hopes for our future. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my bear... my love....my Jason Scot Herr . If you read this Bear. I love you.

Hugs,
Monique

Well I'm all excited, cause Keturah my lovely sister found our long lost uncle! Which that's amazing, I've always been so curious about him and his family. Reunion soon! Rachel's birthday is coming up we're gonna take her out and have fun with her (when I say we I mean Jason and myself). Then my birthday is coming up in like 50 some days. I'm gonna get a new tattoo..... Oh look I'll show you! This is the Seal of Rassilon, its a Doctor Who thing. It's the seal of the Time Lords. :) I'm thinkin about getting it just below my left wrist on the underside of my arm.


I'm not sure if I'm ready for a visible tattoo yet, cause my mum has no idea I have tattoos at all. And I'm scared she'll like hate me or something. And really I don't know how to tell her. I was thinkin about waiting till we move, and I get my mom tattoo. Classic heart with banner... I dunno...  I'm scared... That's all.... So much is happening this year, lots of bad things have past, hopefully the rest of this year will be good.  Tomorrow I'm goin out with Jason, hopefully he gets paid tonight. Chow loveys!

Hugs,
Monique the Mexican Princess.