On Monday, February 23, 2009, I had an experience that restored my soul.

I was acknowledged,

taken care of in a tender and loving way,

and given a safe place in which to reflect on a situation that caused me great pain.

And the reflection brought laughter.

Belly laughs.

I laughed in a way I haven't laughed in a long time,

And laughed so heartily, I pushed myself over yet another hump.

God is good all the time,

And all the time,

God is good.

He said his name was Timothy,

and that 3 AM was the coldest hour.

I met him downtown near the courthouse,

a slight, blue-black man in second-hand pants and an old windbreaker.

He said he was from New Orleans, and he landed in Atlanta after Katrina.

Timothy added that he was trying to get back on his feet,

and to leave the drugs alone,

the same drugs that left his face pockmarked and scruffy

and his teeth a mess.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a dollar for Timothy.

He thanked me profusely--a dollar buys a sandwich,

and a sandwich will take the edge off, if only for a little while.

He said that he's alright out here on the streets

until it gets to be about 3 in the morning.

It is then, Timothy said,

that the cold gets to be a bit too hard to handle. 

1.  Black people are black people.

But we're not one monolithic group.

With that in mind, I would like to request that companies start marketing specifically to the natural-haired, crochet-and-incense artistic segment of the black community.

It'd be really refreshing to see more of us in print and television ads.

Then again, we tend to not have a whole lotta money, so I guess companies have to do what's profitable.

Still would be nice, though.

2.  While I'm on visibility, I must say that I love Whoopi--really, I do.

But there's a desperate need for another brown skinned, dynamic, kinda funny black woman with locs in the popular consciousness,

Cause if I get one more comparison to her, I believe I'm going to kill someone.

3.  By the way

In case you didn't know

A black woman's love has the power to change the world.

Tell a friend.

4.  And while I'm talking about my people,

I have to say that when I think about this most historic presidential election, I'm more than saddened that many of my people came out and voted for the first time.

So you mean to tell me that the sacrifices of our Ancestors don't mean anything until there's a brother we can believe in on the ballot?

So Those Who Came Before Us marched, and got firehoses and police dogs turned on them,

were beaten and killed for your black ass to have the right to vote, but the first time you exercise that blood-stained, hard-earned right is in 2008?

So in your apathy, ignorance and unwillingness to come out and choose between the lesser of two evils in the eleven or so presidential elections that have taken place since our people got the right to vote, you've basically been spitting in the faces of my Ancestors all this time?

Really? 

'Saddened' is not strong enough a word.

5.  You know, I've never, ever seen myself as funny.

In times past, I would try to be funny, and would fail miserably.

But in recent weeks, I've been hearing more things about my 'natural comedic timing' and people have been laughing even more often at things I say, sometimes going as far as to call me "hilarious".

My response to that is, and has always been, that I'm just honest.

Don't nothin I say be untrue--matterfact, it's often what a lot of people are thinking.

Which is probably why they find it so funny in the first place.

6.  In a previous life, I worked retail.

During my time at a particular store, there was a young man that was new to the job.

Everybody loved this guy, but there was something about him that didn't sit right with me.

He knew I didn't like him, so he would try that charming shit that seemed to work on everybody else, and in true Tasha fashion, whenever he came around, I would always find me something else to do.

Everybody kept saying, "He's so sweet!  Why don't you like him?"

And I couldn't articulate it, but I just didn't like this cat, and wanted to keep my distance.

Few weeks go by, and dude doesn't come to work one day.

He was on the news that night, though--arrested on murder charges.

Fast forward a few years, and I end a brief dating situation with a young man.  He was a liar and a mooch, generally unacquainted with the concept of honor, so I had to cut him from the team.

About a year after our disassociation, he writes me a letter, thanking me for what I had been in his life and half-ass apologizing for his behavior, but I still had a sour taste in my mouth, and it wasn't directly related to his half-ass apology. 

Something about this guy still wasn't well with my soul.

So I shared his letter with a friend. 

She said she would've loved to have received such a letter from an ex, and she was puzzled as to why his letter disgusted me so.

I didn't know how to verbalize it, but I still felt like something wasn't right with this individual.  I put him and his letter in the mental recesses and kept it moving.

Fast forward a few months, and I find out from two trusted friends that the guy I'd been dating had been lying about his very identity.

Yeah.

The lesson?

If I don't like your ass,

If something about you doesn't sit well with me,

Then something is definitely wrong with you.

And I need to continue to ignore those around me, and keep listening to my first mind.

Though it may take a while, the truth always reveals itself in time.

7.  I didn't want to believe it, but I now understand and acknowledge that there are people capable of bringing out the worst in me.

I need things to be EASY.

And that need supercedes love, money, genetics and history.

Whether it be business, family, platonic or romantic,

if it don't flow, it's not a situation I want to be in.

Point blank, period.

8.  I asked G-d to remove from my life everyone who wasn't supposed to be in it, and those people fell away.

I asked G-d to make my intimate circle more reflective of the best parts of me.

Some people stayed where they were, and made changes for the better, while others didn't change, but stepped a little closer.

I asked G-d for reciprocity.  And I asked G-d for supportive friends

A small group of intelligent, creative women with ambition and drive, right here in the Greatest City On Earth, who would be happy to see me, glad to hear from me, willing to huddle up with me, and be as good to me as I know I have been to others.

It appears as though my prayers are being answered.

But what I forgot to ask for

was the grace to accept without question all the love being showered upon me.

The clearest indicator of psychosis I've ever encountered is someone fixing their face to tell me that I shouldn't have any expectations of them.
 
Matterfact, if you want me out of your life permanently, all you have to do is tell me that I shouldn't expect anything from you.
 
It's been my experience that when someone tells me not to expect anything from them, they're basically telling me that they ain't about nothin. 
 
When someone says that I should relax or drop my expectations altogether, I hear:
 
"I don't care to be consistent with you.  I'm not really interested in giving you common decency, either.  In fact, I'm perfectly okay with disappointing you, and I'm telling you in advance so that can be okay with you."
 
They're pretty much asking for carte blanche to say and do anything they want without regard to your feelings, cause hey, you shouldn't expect anything, right? 
 
It's cool!  You should be able to continue to have a (frustrating, time-wasting) relationship with this person, cause they gave you fair warning when they told you to have no expectations, right?
 
Really, Folks.
 
In every interaction--family, platonic, romantic, business--there are three things in common:
 
There are people
 
There are needs
 
and whether you wanna admit it or not,
 
There are expectations.

Despite what the No Expectations person will try to tell you, you're not a bad person for expecting certain things from people and situations.

In fact, anybody who attempts to make you feel like you're the emotionally immature asshole for having (simple, cost-free) expectations in your relationships is someone you should avoid like The Plague.

For example, me and a dear friend are people.   
 
I have a need to be listened to, as well as a need for advice from her, so I call her.  I expect that she'll share her insight on the matter concerning me, and I'll feel better having spoken with her.
 
People, needs and expectations, see?
 
If I go to McDonald's and tell the girl at the counter that I want a No. 1, extra sauce, with a large Hi-C Orange no ice, I fully expect to get just that.
 
In this business transaction, the girl at the microphone and I are the people.
 
Both our needs are met, here; she's at work because she needs a job, I'm at her job because I need to eat.

My expectation is to get the food I requested and paid for, and her expectation is to be treated with respect for the two minutes we're in each other's presence.
 
See?

People, needs and expectations.
 
It's plain and very simple. 
 
And I think that if more people really thought about what a complete crock this "no expectations" thing is, fewer people would walk around subscribing to this nonsense, and letting this stupid shit fall out of their mouths.
 

1.  It's common knowledge that people who are in pain will, if you let them, hurt you.

So we remain on guard when dealing with a hurt-up individual, making sure we handle them with care and whatnot, right?

But because we're human, and every situation is different,

Sometimes, despite what our heads know,

We slip up and allow ourselves to get hurt by this hurt individual.

We know they're unwell, and because we get our psychoanalysis on, we even know the exact cause of their dis-ease.

We know why they did what they did, and said what they said.

We examine, analyze and dissect all day,

but the whys and wherefores don't do a damn thing to stop the bleeding.

Nope, not a thing--you hemorrhaging all over the place.

The analysis makes you feel better.

But ultimately, it does nothing for the injuries you suffered at the hands of a hurt individual.

2.  Attention all wives and girlfriends of men in this business:

I know y'all together, Boo-Boo.

I saw y'all come in together, I see the rings.

Yes, I know your husband, but trust me, it's only in the professional sense.

This is not a competition.  I am not a threat to your marriage or your mortgage, Mama.

I don't wanna be stepmother to your li'l nappy headed--but gorgeous--children.

I'm just talkin to the man about how we can all make some bread, so help me help your situation.

I don't want him, honey, I just wanna work.

Me and you can even be friends!  I'm real nice if you don't come at me on no tomfoolery.

So, Madame Insecurity, I beseech you

Calm down.

Stop making your li'l comments. 

Yes, I'm smiling at your man, but trust, I'm not flirting, so stop walking in between me and him as we talk, and stop asking me dumb shit.

Please, Ladybug.

Before I place my foot squarely between your two front teeth.

3.  I'm busier now than I've ever been, but a good portion of my day is spent reviewing the work of other people.

I sit through films, tv shows and radio shows, read articles, scripts and excerpts, look at EPKs, and listen to beat after beat.  I've got beat CDs from so many "producers," I'll need the rest of my life to get through it all.

While some of this work is really good, quite a bit of it is straight up horrible.

But I still make it a point to respect the artist enough to give it a shot.

I still respect the effort enough to call or send an email to the artist, complete with questions and critique.

It'd be nice if I was paid that same consideration, but from the looks of things, I better not hold my breath.

4.  I think I'm good just being Untee.

5.  As I move forward, people from my past lives keep resurfacing.

While I'm glad to see that they're alive and well, most of them make me flinch. 

6.  A few years ago, at the lowest point in my life,

A man with several degrees and almost forty years of life experience on me looked at me in all my distress and said,

"You know, you're a very powerful person!"

At the time, I had no clue what he was talking about. 

I mean, I couldn't create what I wanted most, and I couldn't fix what was broken.  His words made no sense to me, because I had never felt more powerless.

But today, as The Vision unfolds before my eyes, the power Dr. Whatshisname was talking about is more apparent.

And as I speak things into existence, I get a little closer to becoming one of those "everything happens for a reason" people.

The purpose of it all is abundantly clear, and I'm in awe as the things I said I would do become my reality.

Power, indeed.

Now, I just have to keep going.