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I Couldn't Make This Up My Life And Neuroses In The ATL

The Incredible New Adventures of Andy Dufre$ne!



Last Updated: 11/16/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 59
Sign: Aries

City: Copycat Cove
State: Georgia
Country: US
Signup Date: 8/22/2004

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Thursday, October 29, 2009 

Category: Life

 

 

1.  Sometimes, when the blessins and lessons are pouring down,

 

a few tears follow suit.

 

I've become quite the crybaby in my old age.

 

And don't ask me why, but when the tears are falling,

 

I notice that I've taken to fanning my face with my hand.

 

As if doing so will quell the deluge.

 

Don't ask me what the fanning is about.

 

I’m certain it makes me look crazy, but hey, it makes me feel better.

 

 

 

 

2.  Steve Perry’s voice still has the power to take me somewhere I probably shouldn’t go.

 

 

 

3.  There were several people I wanted to be with me

 

To be a part of my life as these things started happening.

 

But they’re not here.

 

And surprisingly, I’m alright with that.

 

I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow.

 

But today

 

I’m perfectly ok with going it alone.

 

 

 

4.  I really enjoy firm toothbrushes.

 

Why they even make ‘soft’ or ‘medium’ is beyond me.

 

 

 

5.  If a man is not asking you anything about you, he doesn’t care to know.

 

You do not matter in his world.

 

 

 

6.  Your mother is your first teacher.

 

But your mama can’t teach you what she doesn’t know,

 

Can’t teach you the information she had no use for.

 

Knowledge is power, so the best way to help children

 

Is to educate and empower their mothers.

 

And it appears as though I’ll need at least another five years of living and learning and growing before I’d be comfortable even considering bringing a child into the world.

 

Cause the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 

Category: Life


You never know what people are doing to cope.

To get through the day, the week. 

To fill their various voids and soothe their sundry sorrows.


It could be something as everyday as enjoying a particular show or movie,


listening to music from a certain period or performer,


or going to a special place at a designated time of the month or year.


You never know
what people are doing to cope.


The reasons behind the coping mechanisms are intensely personal,


so much so that the survivor himself might not fully understand why he does what he does.


But often,


That actor reminds him of his late father, whom he never got the chance to know very well.


The music that sounds silly and dated to you takes him back to the love he lost.


And that restaurant is where she and her husband went on their first date, and on all 52 of their wedding anniversaries


until his death eight years ago at the age of 79.


So when that performer you never cared much for dies,


when that show you didn't watch is cancelled,


and when that restaurant you never went to closes its doors for good,


naturally, we will encounter people experiencing deep feelings of loss.


And when we come upon these people


all bent outta shape, continuously talking about--and even shedding some tears over--the demise of someone or something of no importance to you


It would behoove all of us to behave toward them with kindness.


To regard them with compassion, anyway, even if we don't understand why someone would take so seriously the loss of something that--on the surface--appears so insignificant.


It's really the least we can do.                                                                                                                                                              

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 

Category: Life

1. It appears as though I’ve been grossly inappropriate for a long time.




2.  I always get in trouble when I start looking around at what other people have or are doing.


But I can’t help but notice that everybody—and I do mean everybody—is taking long, indulgent, well-deserved, exotic ass vacations.


To Costa Rica and Amsterdam, to Jamaica and Italy; on cruises and safaris, even.


And they come back tanned and with all kinds of pictures and memories and souvenirs.


And I wonder when I’ll get such a break.


And since such a break hasn’t been afforded me, I wonder if I deserve it.


Haven’t I been working hard enough to go on a vacation like that?


I am still in the thick of the fight of my life.


I’m working hard.


I think.


Am I working on the right thing?




3.  When I'm chillin and enjoying my life


Yet expressing an interest in having a partner to share in the enjoyment


People tell me I haven't found what I'm looking for because I'm not looking.


Seek and ye shall find, they say.


So when I start actively looking,


People tell me I haven't found what I'm looking for because I'm looking for
it.


When you not looking, it will find you, they say
.


So if everybody would please get together


And decide what the hell they think I should do regarding this area of my
life


I would greatly appreciate it.


Yes, what they think I should do.


See how ridiculous that sounds?




4.  My conditioning has been conditioned.


When it comes to my line of work, my experiences with men of my
ethnicity have not been the most positive.


So when I’m meeting new men in my line of work who also happen to be
black, I’m not my warmcuddlynice self.


I become this dismissive, gruff person I don’t even really know.


It’s so glaringly obvious.


It looks like in this area of my life, I let the bad guys win.


I’m ashamed, really, and working to fix that.


And I am so genuinely sorry for my behavior.




5.  There are mistakes.


And then there are deliberate actions.


Patterns of them, even.


There are memory lapses and oversights


And then there are passive-aggressive slights and purposeful exclusion.


There’s catching up, small talk, and conversation.


And then there’s one-upmanship, comparison and competition.


And the older I get, the easier the distinguishing becomes.




6.  There are some people that you simply have to get ignant with.


They don’t understand loving kindness.


They don’t understand diplomacy.


So you have to stand on a desk or two and raise your voice a couple octaves.


It sucks,


But sometimes, there is no other option.

 
Thursday, September 03, 2009 

Category: Life
Communication is everything.

Everything.



And I'm learning that communication needs to be verbal.

Words need to be said and voices need to be heard.

Relationship after relationship after relationship has shown me that

Whenever people are not talking,

Whenever there are things you feel you cannot say,

Whenever there's a bunch of assumptions and written back and forth

There's a problem.

My experience has shown me that when emails and texts take the place of verbal communication, it's usually the end of the relationship.

Communication is everything.

Emails and texts--no matter how long--really need not apply.




I firmly believe that what G-d has for me will not be something for which I have to compete.





I really just be minding my own business

Going my own way, not bothering anybody

When people come up to me and announce they'd like to love me for a little while.

I understand that people are in your life for a reason or a season and very rarely for a lifetime, I get that.

But that knowledge doesn't do much for the pain of separation that comes when they decide, for whatever reason, to take that love away.

It's frustrating, and yes, it stings.

Especially when you were just minding your own business.




Remaining in gratitude

And not slipping into a victim mentality

Is easier said than done.


But it can be done.

Saturday, February 28, 2009 

Category: Life

On Monday, February 23, 2009, I had an experience that restored my soul.

I was acknowledged,

taken care of in a tender and loving way,

and given a safe place in which to reflect on a situation that caused me great pain.

And the reflection brought laughter.

Belly laughs.

I laughed in a way I haven't laughed in a long time,

And laughed so heartily, I pushed myself over yet another hump.

God is good all the time,

And all the time,

God is good.

Monday, January 26, 2009 

Category: Life
I've got a thousand things I want to say here,
About people and the lessons they've taught me
And DC and the things I've seen
But you know how you get when you're trying to find the words to say it and you can't so you just kinda sit there and not say anything?
It's rare that I'm in that space, but yeah, I'm in that space.
Gimme a second.
Monday, December 29, 2008 

Category: Life
Missing someone is a funny thing.
 
You think you're good, you think you're alright.
 
Then, all of a sudden,
 
you're standing in Target
 
with your heart in your shoes.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 

Category: Life

He said his name was Timothy,

 

and that 3 AM was the coldest hour.

 

I met him downtown near the courthouse,

 

a slight, blue-black man in second-hand pants and an old windbreaker.

 

He said he was from New Orleans, and he landed in Atlanta after Katrina.

 

Timothy added that he was trying to get back on his feet,

 

and to leave the drugs alone,

 

the same drugs that left his face pockmarked and scruffy

 

and his teeth a mess.

 

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a dollar for Timothy.

 

He thanked me profusely--a dollar buys a sandwich,

 

and a sandwich will take the edge off, if only for a little while.

 

He said that he's alright out here on the streets

 

until it gets to be about 3 in the morning.


It is then, Timothy said,

 

that the cold gets to be a bit too hard to handle. 

Wednesday, December 03, 2008 

Category: Life

1.  One of the most talented 11-year-olds I've ever had the pleasure of knowing looked at me and said,

 

"Ms. Tasha, I wanna be an artist when I grow up."

 

I smiled, gave him my best you're-so-silly face, and with a wave of my hand said,

 

"Honey, you're already an artist!  You just have to keep going!"

 

He didn't say anything in response, and he didn't have to--his surprised smile and the light in his eyes were more than enough.

 

I don't know where you live, but I know that there's a young black artist near you who could use your encouragement.

 

 

2.  Telling people what I do is one of my favorite and least favorite things to do.

 

For most people, I am the first underwater basket weaver they've ever met. 

 

Their reactions are a trip.

 

They have lots of questions, especially about how much I'm paid.

 

They come with their misconceptions about my job, they want a demonstration, and someone always, without fail and with every new group of people I meet, says that they "always wanted to get into underwater basket weaving."  

 

Like, invariably.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd have more money than Oprah.

 

It chaps my hide every time, cause I guarantee that they wasn't even thinkin about underwater basket weaving til I said I do it, and 9 out of 10 of these people are never serious enough to pursue the craft, anyway. 

 

Now, of course, I can't actually say that out loud. 

 

If you're the first underwater basket weaver people have ever met, you don't wanna have 'bitch' attached to that first impression, so you grin and bear it.  You tell the short version of How You Got Started cause nobody's really listening, anyway, and endure the impromptu baskets people weave in front of you to show you that they can do it, too, cause you know, everybody can do this, right?

 

Seriously, if I never heard "I've always wanted to get into that!" again, it'd be too soon.

 

 

3.  I'm good at severing ties with people who devalue me as a person.

 

I cancel such bitches so quick, it's like, not even an issue anymore.

 

My new challenge, however, is staying away from those who devalue my work.

 

While the Me Too-ers are annoying, the problem really lies in those who don't like the dollar amount I've attached to what I do.

 

There are those who expect me to donate my time and services for this or that cause. 

 

Their little attempts at guilt tripping me into working for free really piss me off, as they don't understand that my schedule allows me to volunteer lots of time, and that I've probably already donated more personal time than they ever would or could to the very cause they're trying to not pay me to work for. 

 

There are those who don't expect to pay me for what I do simply because they know me. 

 

The acquaintance diss sucks because sometimes, you can really see an individual occupying a spot in your life.  Then they diss you by wanting you to work without paying you, and are too daft to understand that their request is, in fact, a diss, and such insensitivity keeps an acquaintance from becoming a friend. 

 

My friends understand that Georgia Power won't give a nigga lights free (c) Jeezy, and they'd want me to be paid.  My friends would never step to me like that.

 

There are those who experience a layoff or a slowdown in the work they went to college for and got a degree in, so they expect me to teach them how to weave baskets.

 

Hey, they need the money, and it's not like basket weaving is some special skill, or anything I studied for more years than they were in college, or was gifted with the ability to do.  Everybody can do this, right?

 

Then, there are those bold enough to say that it's "just" underwater basket weaving, and that anybody can do underwater basket weaving, so why should they have to pay that for it?

 

Well, if "anybody" can do it, why did you request my particular brand of basket weaving?

 

Exactly.

 

I need to stay away from people who devalue my work.

 

 

4.  Universal Law says that the path of least resistance is the only way to go.


The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.


We hear it all the time, but we don't believe it.


We think:

So all I gotta do is tell these people what I do and I'ma get a job just like that? 

Sure, the CEO's assistant is standing right there, and yeah, they lookin for people that do what I do, but come on!  You mean to tell me if I say something to this woman, they really gon call me and wanna interview me?

 

It ain't that easy!

 

So you mean to tell me all she wanna do is love me?  Just have a baby or two and pay some bills with me til we die.  That's it?  Somebody just wanna be good to me? 

 

This is a set-up!

 

So all I gotta do is say how I feel and what I would like, and they'll give it to me?  No

strings attached, it's mine, just cause I say I need it? 

 

It's gotta be a catch!

 

Everybody does it at one time or another, but some people have made a whole lifestyle out of second guessing themselves and glancing sidelong at the doors the universe opens in front of them, which is sad, because often,

 

It really is that easy.

 

So what is it about human nature that makes us wanna make it so hard?

 

 

5.  I just learned

 

that it is entirely possible

 

to not understand at all

 

and still "get it"

 

at the same time.

 

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 

Category: Life

1.  Black people are black people.

 

But we're not one monolithic group.

 

With that in mind, I would like to request that companies start marketing specifically to the natural-haired, crochet-and-incense artistic segment of the black community.

 

It'd be really refreshing to see more of us in print and television ads.

 

Then again, we tend to not have a whole lotta money, so I guess companies have to do what's profitable.

 

Still would be nice, though.

 

 

 

2.  While I'm on visibility, I must say that I love Whoopi--really, I do.

 

But there's a desperate need for another brown skinned, dynamic, kinda funny black woman with locs in the popular consciousness,

 

Cause if I get one more comparison to her, I believe I'm going to kill someone.

 

 

 

3.  By the way

 

In case you didn't know

 

A black woman's love has the power to change the world.

 

Tell a friend.

 

 

 

 

4.  And while I'm talking about my people,

 

I have to say that when I think about this most historic presidential election, I'm more than saddened that many of my people came out and voted for the first time.

 

So you mean to tell me that the sacrifices of our Ancestors don't mean anything until there's a brother we can believe in on the ballot?

 

So Those Who Came Before Us marched, and got firehoses and police dogs turned on them,

 

were beaten and killed for your black ass to have the right to vote, but the first time you exercise that blood-stained, hard-earned right is in 2008?

 

So in your apathy, ignorance and unwillingness to come out and choose between the lesser of two evils in the eleven or so presidential elections that have taken place since our people got the right to vote, you've basically been spitting in the faces of my Ancestors all this time?

 

Really? 

 

'Saddened' is not strong enough a word.

 

 

 

5.  You know, I've never, ever seen myself as funny.

 

In times past, I would try to be funny, and would fail miserably.

 

But in recent weeks, I've been hearing more things about my 'natural comedic timing' and people have been laughing even more often at things I say, sometimes going as far as to call me "hilarious".

 

My response to that is, and has always been, that I'm just honest.

 

Don't nothin I say be untrue--matterfact, it's often what a lot of people are thinking.

 

Which is probably why they find it so funny in the first place.

 

 

 

6.  In a previous life, I worked retail.

 

During my time at a particular store, there was a young man that was new to the job.

 

Everybody loved this guy, but there was something about him that didn't sit right with me.

 

He knew I didn't like him, so he would try that charming shit that seemed to work on everybody else, and in true Tasha fashion, whenever he came around, I would always find me something else to do.

 

Everybody kept saying, "He's so sweet!  Why don't you like him?"

 

And I couldn't articulate it, but I just didn't like this cat, and wanted to keep my distance.

 

Few weeks go by, and dude doesn't come to work one day.

 

He was on the news that night, though--arrested on murder charges.

 

Fast forward a few years, and I end a brief dating situation with a young man.  He was a liar and a mooch, generally unacquainted with the concept of honor, so I had to cut him from the team.

 

About a year after our disassociation, he writes me a letter, thanking me for what I had been in his life and half-ass apologizing for his behavior, but I still had a sour taste in my mouth, and it wasn't directly related to his half-ass apology. 

 

Something about this guy still wasn't well with my soul.

 

So I shared his letter with a friend. 

 

She said she would've loved to have received such a letter from an ex, and she was puzzled as to why his letter disgusted me so.

 

I didn't know how to verbalize it, but I still felt like something wasn't right with this individual.  I put him and his letter in the mental recesses and kept it moving.

 

Fast forward a few months, and I find out from two trusted friends that the guy I'd been dating had been lying about his very identity.

 

Yeah.

 

The lesson?

 

If I don't like your ass,

 

If something about you doesn't sit well with me,

 

Then something is definitely wrong with you.

 

And I need to continue to ignore those around me, and keep listening to my first mind.

 

Though it may take a while, the truth always reveals itself in time.

 

 

 

7.  I didn't want to believe it, but I now understand and acknowledge that there are people capable of bringing out the worst in me.

 

I need things to be EASY.

 

And that need supercedes love, money, genetics and history.

 

Whether it be business, family, platonic or romantic,

 

if it don't flow, it's not a situation I want to be in.

 

Point blank, period.

 

 

 

8.  I asked G-d to remove from my life everyone who wasn't supposed to be in it, and those people fell away.

 

I asked G-d to make my intimate circle more reflective of the best parts of me.

 

Some people stayed where they were, and made changes for the better, while others didn't change, but stepped a little closer.

 

I asked G-d for reciprocity.  And I asked G-d for supportive friends

 

A small group of intelligent, creative women with ambition and drive, right here in the Greatest City On Earth, who would be happy to see me, glad to hear from me, willing to huddle up with me, and be as good to me as I know I have been to others.

 

It appears as though my prayers are being answered.

 

But what I forgot to ask for

 

was the grace to accept without question all the love being showered upon me.