As much of a womanist as I am, I must admit, I never used to consider mother's day for all that it actually represents. I definitely called my mama and sent her a card, but I guess it never really sunk in that this day, despite it's hallmark revenue generator attributes, is probably the most important holiday on earth..yes I said it, EARTH, as in MOTHER Earth, amigos.

Yes, most folks  can make babies, but not just anyone can care for them, nurture them and raise them to be lovely people. Half the population (men) find it difficult to do what mamas do with grace, talent and love, like cook a meal, while preparing the bath water, talking on the phone and breastfeeding in a sling simultaneaously, for example. From the simple acts of filling sippy cups to the more epic like giving birth, teaching values, healing wounds, mamas make the world spin a smooth ride, so effortless you can't feel it, but imagine life without us, you can't cuz you wouldn't even be here.

Appreciate your mama and all others in the world,. Small tokens of appreciation offer sweet pauses to reflect on the fruits of our loving work, they soothe the calluses from a hard day, and help love grow large in tiny families. Once women go into labor it's like it never ends. 

I haven't had a chance to write this on paper (or screen) but tonight as I watch the film The Business of Being Born, I am inspired to share.

First off, everyone, men and women should watch this film because at some point in your lives you will either be expecting a child, or know someone who will and offering this knowledge and support is critical.

I had a natural birth, no drugs, no interventions, nada. I am a person who really really fears pain and when I learned I was pregnant one of my first emotions was fear, because I knew one way or another that baby was going to have to come out. Yet as I started learning more about natural childbirth, I began to believe in my body's natural ability to give birth and by month 7 my fear of giving birth was practically gone. With the support of a very caring and amazing doula and my incredible partner, I had what I consider a dream birth. 23 hours of long and hard labor that in the end I remember as magical, beautiful, powerful and transcendental.  I was present every moment with my baby as she made her way through the birth canal, I shared in the pain and struggle of survival, and in the end I feel a beautiful connection with her that is rooted in the life defining experience of birth.

In this film a doctor says "I call it feminist machoism when a woman is pushing a stroller bragging about her natural birth, to me it doesn't make a difference how a baby is born." Well, that man has and never will give birth naturally so he has no place to speak as far as I'm concerned. I know for myself and all women who WORKED hard to have a natural birth, that other peoples' opinions were not our motivation. I wanted what I knew to be healthiest for my body and for my baby. And in the end I think this choice mattered a whole lot, and here's how:

First of all, birth can be one of the most empowering experiences in a woman's life. Hours after Fati arrived, I felt like a superhero, like I could do anything. Now, when I am discouraged about anything in life, I think to the day after Fatimah was born and how amazingly strong I felt, the highest sensation I had ever felt, and I am newly alive, inspired and determined.

Second, I believe my choices prevented me from a c-section and possibly helped save my baby's life….Fatimah was born in her bag of waters (a good omen!), a very rare case that even my hospital midwife at UCLA of 14 years had never seen. Lamar saw when baby-bag an all- came out, and he described it as a beautiful iridescent cacoon.  Throughout my labor the nurses and hospital midwife offered (almost pressured me) to break my water, to give me petocin all to speed up what I now realize was a perfectly normally paced labor. I wanted to give in because each time they offered it made me discouraged and question my body's capacity to birth.  Luckily, Lamar and my doula Elena were there to support me and convince me that I was doing great and everything was on course without intervention.  I remember Elena's voice so crystal clear telling me, "You are doing so good, remember the baby will come when she is ready, if she is not coming faster it is for a good reason." When she was finally born and the nurse broke the water, they noticed the umbilical cord was exceptionally long and wrapped around her several times. Had my water been broken or pitocin administered, my labor would have been hard and fast and that cord with contractions would have put her into distress, and distress=c-section, or possible danger to her life. My water never broke because it was protecting Fatimah from harm, she was safe in her cacoon and my uterus was contracting at the delicate pace that was enough to help guide her into the light, but not too much to sabotage her life.

Here we are in tejas ya'll, it's been nonstop work/familia/fiesta. I've sold at 4 events, had 3 family gatherings and a birthday. Today was my birthday party, it was so much fun to be together with so much family and to see my daughter cruise from arm to arm. Her tio calls it the "Guajardo ruckus"! She changes so much each day and amazes me with her enthusiasm for life.

It is December 4^th, today Fati and I will wear our red and whites, in honor of Changó, and of my date of birth. Two years ago today I walked into a stranger's party, giddy, hyper and slightly buzzed off rum, and ran straight up to a tall black guy and asked: what time is it? He responded:12:15, and I shrieked IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! And that's how I met Lamar, I always tell him he was my birthday present from the universe, how true... Next birthday I was 3 months pregnant with his baby and dancing up a storm at my Harvard house fiesta. And now 3 years later I am in my hometown visiting familia, writing this blog with baby Fatimah dreaming by side. The gifts just keep on coming.

On my birthday I want so much to give thanks for all the beautiful blessings in my life, my partner that (after reflecting on the ups and downs of my single life) I still can't fathom how he came to be mine, and how we grew to be a family. I give thanks to my friends, who give me that sense of family and home in the mammoth city of fast and impersonal angels. I give thanks to my family, because I feel so lucky to have such a solid network of people with whom to share in tradition, food and festivity.

And of course I am so thankful for Changó, it is his fire and volatility that often reign my life and give chaotic order to all that I cannot grasp. In many ways, I recognize that his energy gives me courage to travel in directions I never intended- I arrive at crossroads where Elegua taunts and distracts me, but Changó's force allows me to move forward into the unknown, and the quiet after the storm is divine.

The quiet, is a new family, a bed with a baby snuggled in between our two bodies. A glowing comet that touches my face with her two hands and smiles. That reaches for my bosom in the middle of the night and makes my entire essence warm. She is the tree that grows where Buddha found enlightment, and I now understand love in all of its round and safe crevices. Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday Changó! 

*Saturday, October 27th (all day event): Hollywood
Forever Cemetery (exhibit, vendor booth)

*Thursday, November 1st (3-10pm): Metropolitan Museum
of Riverside & Division 9 Gallery (concurrent
exhibits, two sites)

*Friday, November 2nd (5pm-12am): Self Help Graphics,
East Los Angeles (exhibit, vendor booth)

*Saturday, November 3rd (2-10pm): Fiesta Market in
Downtown Santa Ana -- 3rd & Bush Street -- (exhibit,
vendor booth)