Oke-eh
So I found her. My date for the ITLOW premiere! And I'd like to say, if I may, she is SMOKING hot. She's funny, tall, smart, and has great skin. She's un-pretentious, grounded, and truly the best thing that's happened to me since they invented a billing system for hotel XXX movies that doesn't display titles. I couldn't be happier. Oh wait. Yes I could, because due to unforseen circumstances I AM STUCK HERE IN CANADA and am offically going to MISS THE PREMIERE OF ITLOW!
Let's just all take this moment to shed that single, dramatic tear inside our hearts.
Now let's see what I am missing:
Dustin's DateNow pull it together you blobbering fools! We've got a blog to read!
It's not as bad as it seems though boo, as I am still going to try to promote the heck out of this film and you can freaking guarantee that I am going to be FIRST IN LINE to see the movie here in Vancouver. (so if any of my crazier fans want to steal a lock of hair or press up against me while I'm buying delicious candy, nows your chance!)
Alright, so I decided that it's time to let you all know the truth about me. The cold hard facts. The actuality of my reality, if you will, if I may. Here goes: I used to be Emo.
"Gasp!" You all say between actual gasping.
YES! YES Gersh darn-it IT'S TRUE! I'm a phony, A FAKE! My word means nothing for I AM A LIE PERSONIFIED!
Here's the story. Way back in the day, all the way back to high school (which was like fall of 99 to spring 2026) I, like everyone else there, was a huge dork who thought they knew what was up.
"Where did the majority of said dorkiness manifest itself?" You ask with an alarmingly advanced vocabulary.
Mixtapes.
"Like Scotch and Duct on the same box?" You ask before I say:
Shut it with the questions already!
No, not the adhesive tool, stupid, and no, not like 'tapes' (hellooo what is this the 90's?) No this was right when burning CD's was pretty much the coolest thing you could do other than drive your girlfriend's Hyundai Pony around until you crack the window trying to kill a mesquito that time after Russell's party. I thought I was smooth, and as anyone who has thought they were smooth in high school will tell you, the key to taking that smoothness to the next level: super smooth, is simple: Killer mixtapes. Now, as mentioned above, I was attending high school right smack dab in the middle of the music burning revolution (aka stealing from hungry musicians) so making a killer mix was pretty much always at the forefront of my mind (save for "doing it"). Comprised of slow songs mostly, as I am a gentleman, mixed with a few classic 80's ballads and even Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, (which was probably the Gaye-est thing I could've done 'cause I sure as heck didn't score with any ladies when it played) these mixes were not only for my lady-callers, but also for me. Personally, I tend to listen to very sad, very melancholy music that doesn't have much of a bright side, which was convenient as the pacing of these songs also happened to fit fairly well into my "songs-to-make-out-to" criteria so they too would go onto a mix. Not to mention, messing around with me often led to her entering her first severe depression anyway so the songs were very fitting in many ways.
"What's your point, you fit and toned bastard?" you probably want to ask but are too intimidated to do so because I'm such a fit and toned bastard.
Well, all these depressing, slow, tragic songs started to get me interested in finding MORE slow, tragic songs, thus leading me to start investigating bands who were then and may or may not be now (I'm real out of the loop in music man) right on the edge of emo, if not in fact full-blood emo.
Now it wasn't that crazy 30 Seconds To Girls make-up wearing shit, just the acoustic versions of similar songs. So this meant a lot of Get Up Kids, Dashboard Confessionals, Bright Eyes, Sparkle Horse, you get the picture- Oh hang on a second, some idiot with straightened black hair and a future in poetry has something to say, Yes?
"DUDE THAT'S NOT EMO!"
Oh really? Sweet. Well it was definitely considered emo back then. I guess I'm just getting old. Anyway, I just wanted you guys to know that if you are a little emo, or even a lot emo, you're still down. I can no longer hate against your steez 'cause I too, could have been one of you. Thank god-fully though, I'm not!
But the emo MySpace pics are friggin classic, almost everyone has one, it's SO STUPID. Also, what's with people's profiles that ONLY have photos of themselves on it? Conceited much?
Aight, I'm off to enjoy the rain here, you guys stay cool and remember: I'm just one man swimmin', to-wards that great Land of Women. that's a little song lyric I made up so, you know, keep that with you. So.
Dustin