so, as you call could have guessed, i'm being subpoenaed to testify in an assault case next month.

probably based on my extensive knowledge of assault. i mean i really know my stuff.

or maybe based on my level of comfort with describing assault. like maybe they have video and they need a commentator?

or maybe it's because of that one time when i walked into two guys beating the shit out of a guy. who knows, maybe witnessing that event has something to do with this whole situation.

i guess we'll find out!

sometimes when i look at people i notice that they are bodies

bodies everywhere, spreading over the entire earth: walking, eating, manipulating, consuming, subduing. like a spreading slime mold that will eventually encompass everything.

eventually everything will be covered with our effect. the effect of that curious insatiable human biology that is incited not in the individual but somewhere in the human society - in the crowd mentality - the biological oddity which replaced our natural aspiration towards homeostatic survival in this world with an unparalleled intellect and self-awareness/absorption, which we use to disconnect ourselves in value from the rest of our world, and hope that our conception of superiority will also separate us from the fate we have imposed on those from whom we are separated.

this is a social phenomenom - being imposed by one person unto another. it is self-inflicting from within society; from within this infinitely expanding slime mold that collectively sees never retrospectively but only outwardly towards where it is going. this slime is made up of billions of individuals that perceive two identities - themselves individually, and the crowd - the rest - someone else. things we would never want to do to ’us’, we allow ourselves to commit unto this new convenient invention: ’someone else’.

i’m not sure i could live in a big city. any time there are more people than i can possibly appreciate, i tend to ignore people. ignoring people seems to facilitate ugliness. i can’t stand this ugliness. ugliness like littering, theft, violence, or hatred. things that people only would only do to ’someone else’. these things can be prevalent in large cities - i think because there are simply too many people to know, too many people to feel incorporated with all of them, too many people to truly love, for too many people. i prefer my little mountain town where there are not more people than i care to appreciate. where people are perceived as a number of persons, rather than as a crowd. where, even though many of us do not know each other, there are not so many people that it becomes convenient to ignore ugliness, or permissable to perpetuate it.

i hope that i do not reduce people to some bodies. i hope to always recognize that there is, in fact, one of ’us’ looking out from that body, and that if i treat that person well, suddenly we are better off. it follows, then, that the more people there are, the better off we are when they receive my respect.

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i’m the kind of guy that has a lot of crushes. i’ve discussed this at great lengths with my friends, and there is no changing it. i am simply an exciteable guy. i refuse to believe that this has anything to do with my standards; i think there just really are that many amazing women out there who deserve more credit.

and i am just the man to give them that credit later on when they’re not around - when i’m not paralyzed by my twitterpated nature

and this morning i found myself in that familiar place of being left without anything clever to say because all my brainpower had been diverting to visually absorbing the cute girl working at the desk of the dentist’s office. i wasn’t staring, mind you, in fact i’m sure she didn’t notice anything at all - but i ALSO didn’t say anything clever. me, the guy who will sarcastically retort your comment and synthesize the truth about what you were going to say before you even realize what you were thinking. instead, i just told her my name (for the appointment’s sake, but maybe she would remember?), gave her a quick smile, and an extra glance and a grin when i sat down. for me, it was awesome.

certainly, it would have been more awesome if i would have talked to her and she was both interested and interesting, but i’m the kind of guy who is quite content to realize that there is indeed yet another attractive girl out there. that just brightens my day all by itself. what a beautiful world.

so as luck would have it, my dentist found a cavity, and i had to come back this afternoon to have it fixed. not so awesome, except i would get to say two words to an attractive girl again. i can deal with that.

but i didn’t get to, cause as i went to tell her my name, she said it for me with a smile, thus further crippling me with confusion, delight, and a desperate desire to do anything that would show her how amazing i really am. to be honest, i would have settled for anything that would show her how normal i can behave. so i sat down. and that’s just fine with a guy like me.

so after my appointment, they were closing up shop and the OTHER receptionist helped me clear my bill, and while doing so was chit-chatting about where i’m from and what i do. then, she mentioned that she was only asking because cheyenne, the cute receptionist, was curious. i’m the kind of guy that’s just fine with that too.

i didn’t leave my number or a note, mostly because i live five states away, but also just because i’m not that kind of guy, and i’m quite content walking out of there knowing somewhere in minnesota right now there’s some dentist receptionist who wants to know more about me than she does.

so cheyenne, the next time you’re in colorado, let me know and i’ll muster up some personal attention for you. and to all the other attractive women out there who will stop me in my tracks and put a lump in my throat without even realizing it, thank you.