I took a spill on my bike today.  I want to tell the story so others know what happened, and hopefully I and others learn from this.

Not too long ago, I was riding with Donnnny and we were talking about people healing up from crashing.  He said something about how it's been awhile since he crashed, and I said something like I don't really have a crash history.  I had the same conversation with Brian on Sierra to the Sea talking about his girlfriend's recent crash.

Yeah well, call it jinxing myself.   Or not listening to myself is more like it.

The thing is, I know how not to crash. You ride in control, stay preternaturally focused on the movements of the other bikes around you, stay fed and hydrated to keep your brain fresh, don't over do it, etc.

Knowing all that... I showed up for a ride in Monterey today, the Sunday ride with the velo club.  I had ridden the Saturday ride with this group a few weeks ago and had a great time.  I talked to folks then about the Sunday ride and thought I understood it to be the same or more distance, maybe a little mellower.   So I got up, George cooked me breakfast and I rolled to the start at 8am.  I saw a couple of familiar faces from a few weeks ago, and asked about the distance when I heard people talking about the route.  The guy told me around 65 miles -- great, I really wanted a long ride.  I asked about food stops since all I was carrying was one Clif bar, and despite a great breakfast and 3 solid meals yesterday, I knew it might be a stretch.  He said they'd stop at 7-11, and make another stop, and be back by 12:30 or 1, so then I thought well I can probably make that with lunch at the 7-11 stop.

We rolled up the bike path, took off through CSU MB, a few climbs but nothing really tough, a nice downhill on Reservation, where right at the top where it started descending steeply, I saw a pair of sunglasses go flying.  I had bikes all around me including to my right so I just yelled 'HEY, Hey -- GLASSES!'  I felt bad for the guy who dropped them but there really was no way for me to stop safely to get them -- these are the kind of decisions you make to stay safe.  And nobody else stopped either, unfortunately.

Then we came to the 7-11 just 20 miles in.  I wasn't at all hungry and nobody else was getting food, so I got a gatorade and filled water bottles, we were making great time.  We headed over towards 68 and then up a really gorgeous climb on Toro Rd, through a dirt section called the "Ghost Trail" that someone said had ties back to Steinbeck's days.  Great company, beautiful scenery, the sun was out, really perfect riding.  I ate a few bites of clif bar, was feeling great.

We descended Laureles Grade - a sweeping fun downhill that I could have gone a lot faster on but I had been told there was a turn on the downhill I didn't want to miss it or have to make any dangerous moves so I hung out at a safe distance behind other riders, several guys passed and we all made the turn.

Then we rode several miles on Carmel Valley Rd - some rollers, pushing pretty hard, I was getting a bit tired but feeling good.  Just before the top of one of the climbs, I  started falling off the pace and waved the guys behind me up to pass - one of them came up and gave me a nice rolling push, just enough to get me going and back in the line.  Way cool, way nice and steady, and I'm embarrassed to say I don't even know who it was!

So then we took off into Carmel and over one of the most beautiful ocean front neighborhoods I've ever seen.  Gorgeous gingerbread houses, stunning ocean views, several tight moments with cars but again, careful smart riding with experienced folks with good bike handling skills.  We stopped at a beach park, I ate the rest of my Clif bar and filled water bottles and headed out again. 

We got onto 17 mile drive headed back toward Monterey, something like 15 miles to go, doing fine and thinking about lunch.  I was a little tired and hungry but felt good.  I fell off the pace of the faster guys and got in a 3 women group with Maria who's doing the Marin double next weekend - we took turns pulling and got out to the gate.  Now I knew I was hungry but knew it was a pretty easy ride in the last 10 miles or so.

In fact we all stretched out along Ocean View, a woman named Sunny flatted and some folks stopped, others of us kept going (it was the 3rd flat on this ride and it's not an "everyone stops" protocol -- a few stop and the others roll) so by the time we got to the rec trail at Lover's point there were a lot of folks behind me and ahead of me, I knew by now I needed food so was going to peel off to our place and skip the ride to coffee.  I told the one guy that was near me, we were chatting nicely, avoiding the pedestrians and dogs and all.   Then we got to Cannery Row area and it really was crowded, we were probably going too fast for all the action, and now I was way hungry/bonking.  So, the trail narrowed and I missed it and got my front wheel off and just as I turned to get it back on I realized "Crap - this is too high" and down I went.

I think I was mostly off my bike (I can get out of my pedals very quickly) but still went down hard enough on the pavement with my bike in the dirt.  I sat for a second and then got up.  The guy I was with came back and saw I was OK, I was right at our street so I told him I would head home.  I started riding and was wobbly, so I got right off and walked up the hill to our place. 

Now I was dizzy, and starving, and starting to hurt.  I had landed pretty hard on the pavement with the left side of my face, and scraped up my leg a bit, and my thumb was bleeding.  So I got in, started to clean up, ate right away, had the presence of mind to take my ring off before my finger swelled (it would have had to be cut off by now I think). 

Turns out I was not badly hurt, just bruised and sheepish for being so stupid.  I was careful to watch for concussion, not go to sleep or anything.   I really was spacey for a couple of hours.  But I'm OK now.

There are several things I could have done to avoid this:
I should have asked more clearly about food options - I made the mistake of thinking everyone eats like me :)
I could have bought some food to carry at 7-11
I could have suggested a stop for food in Carmel Valley or Carmel or 17 mile drive, or just stopped if nobody else wanted to
I could have asked the other cyclists for an energy bar 
I should have gone more carefully on the rec trail
I should have stopped my bike when I went off the trail... NOT tried to turn back on.

I still think most crashes are solo ones, caused by inattention.  If you don't eat right, your brain doesn't work right. 

Ride safe, my friends.   I hope it's a long time before I hear (or tell!) another crash story.

Remember the movie "The Fabulous Baker Boys"?  It's got Jeff and Beau Bridges playing a lounge Act, with Michelle Pfeiffer as their lead singer (Susie Diamond).

The movie includes this dialog, key to my subject:

Susie Diamond:  I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.
Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!
Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.
Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.
Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.
Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.
Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.
Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.
Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.


I was reminded of this the other day when my friend K was telling me about the Van Morrison concert he saw on Saturday night.  Pretty much his first comment was "but they didn't play "Brown Eyed Girl". 

Now, my husband George thinks he's jinxed in this regard.  The most recent occurance was the Cake concert we went to at the Fox in Oakland.  They didn't play "Short Skirt, Long Jacket".  I admit, I was pretty surprised by this one - that is really the one song people would associate with this band.  Don't get me wrong, it was a great show.  But after the multi-song encore, when it was clear they were really done, the woman next to me turned to me and said "they really aren't going to play it, are they?"

Another example of this was the Jackson Browne concert at the Mountain Winery.   George is still unhappy that he didn't play "Running on Empty".  Now, personally I was OK with that but I was a huge JB fan in my youth, and George agreed to go with me well, partly because he liked that song. 

So look, if your band has one really key hit song, you gotta play it.  Even if you're totally sick of it, and you have all kinds of cool new stuff, there are going to be people in the audience who bought tickets because of that one song.  And trust me, there will also be couples that include one person who's a huge fan with another who agreed to go because they like that one song they know.  So, do those couples a favor and play the parsley, I mean that hit song.

One cool example was Blues Traveler.  He played "Runaround" as like the third song.  Everyone loved it, and the crowd was left in a great, open mood for whatever he decided to do next.  Pure love, while the early concert glow was still on.

The Blues Travler experience leads me to conclude that bands miss an opportunity if they wait until the encore to play their main hit song.  I mean, why waste the chance to get the crowd really on your side and open to your stuff.  OK well, sending them home happy is fun, too.  George thinks it's OK to play your best song twice. 

But trust me on this one, it's never parsley.

"Tell me, Peg", my dad says, "when someone sends an attachment to you in an email, can you open that and see it?"

So began the latest in a long series of lessons and interactions regarding my 82-year old dad and his computers over the years.  He gets along very very well, and occasionally hits a snag.  His understanding of how it all works is tenuous, and I wonder just how much he represents the norm of computer users?

This particular time, the error was that the .pdf attachment contained content that the viewer couldn't read.  Not surprising, since his adobe acrobat viewer on that machine is 2.1, and 8 or 9 is the current one.   That machine?  Well it's my old IBM Aptiva,  with the cool monitor with built-in Bose speakers.  I had sent it to him at their Florida place when we got a new one a couple of generations ago and he didn't have anything down there for when they head there to escape the Wisconsin winters.  

My parents use MSN as their ISP, the dialup version.  It costs them less than $10/mo, and it's seamless when they do the snowbird thing and head to FL from WI and back. But, their upstairs neighbors have an unsecured wireless network, so I went to adobe and  downloaded an old version of Adobe onto my USB stick.  Uh-oh...  Dad's computer doesn't have a USB port??  Really??   I crawled around the back of it  and everything, trying to remember when those came in.  I think I bought that computer in 1996. He said it's running Win 95.  I checked how much space the hard drive had, and it only has about 4BG free.  But wait, it only had something like 6GB to start with!  All his  data is onine at MSN.  The original netbook :)

I dug through my stuff.  I had brought no CDs to burn and Dad didn't have any either (he says at home at home he says he has "both the round kind and the little square kind").  So then I tried via dialup to get to the Adobe site and see what the estimated time would be for the download via the phone line.  But first, IE couldn't read the adobe site.  Yep, IE was downlevel, too.  I posted my FB status and got several suggestions for firefox, but  I wasn't particularly confident that it would run on Win 95.  And of course a few suggestions to go buy them a new computer, but that wasn't going to happen that day -- and they leave for WI in another week. I was reluctant to mess up his whole access, but later that day I decided what the heck.

As cocktail hour(s) wore on (for the record, I was actually drinking club soda during this), I snuck back and forth between the kitchen/family room and the computer bedroom, and  managed to download and install  a recommended IE level, then the 7zip program to unzip it, then finally started an 8MB download of an acrobat reader from an adobe ftp site, which was supposed to work for Win 95.  

About an hour later, my cell phone rang - my brother Rob trying to call my parents and see how they're doing, plus see our plans to head up there.  He knew the computer was probably tying up the phone and expressed his disbelief that I was trying to download anything via dialup.  Finally, the adobe download finished, and I started the install.  It got to about the third screen and said "Operating system not supported".  *sigh*.

I actually think that computer might be running Win ME -- I remember re-imaging it to look just like his system in WI.   My brother John updated that system last summer - he took it to his house and hooked it up to his high speed, upgraded the OS and Adobe, cleaned off a bunch of  spyware and viruses, and installed anti-virus.  So Dad's all set in WI.

So yes, we'll upgrade his FL computer before next fall, hopefully with a laptop.  He was very intrigued by being able to use his neighbors high speed internet.  We did caution him that most people eventually do turn on encryption.  But we could also figure out how to get him cheap DSL or cable access, if we can convince my mom, that is.  They really think they're doing fine with MSN dialup. Even though he waits, and waits and waits -- because today's web pages just aren't designed
with dialup in mind.

My dad's amazingly resilient at this stuff - able to use it, communicate with his kids and his friends.  He asked a lot about facebook, too.   I like that he's on MSN messenger, because I see him sign on just about every day.  He'll sometimes send me or George a message, but  even just seeing each other online is a little smile.  His mind is curious and he gets along reallly well with really not a lot of help.  

Just the occasional leading question. 

I just watched this interview with Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer.  George and I watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and it's a fresh and entertaining look at the news, from an extremely liberal, but mostly intelligent point of view.   We don't watch Jim Cramer on CNBC.

The crux of the interview seemed to be Jon taking Jim to task for being an entertainer, not a reporter.  The show on CNBC bills itself as a show to help you sort out the financial mess and confusion, and Jim defended himself by saying he's trying to explain the markets in English to a new generation who doesn't care about the boring details. Yep, it's the future depicted in the movie Idiocracy coming towards us.   I get that people need the facts made entertaining, we're the generation raised on schoolhouse rock, after all - and tell me you don't sing "conjunction junction" when you think about sentence structure.  Oh wait, you might not do so much of that, like I was doing thinking about text processing at work this week.  

But Jon's point was that Jim Cramer was propagating the lies and deception from the financial CIOs, when he knew better or at least had the obligation to look deeper into it, and that is not forgivable.  Jon said it was disingenuous at best, and criminal at worst.

Cramer described the financial people exploiting gaps in the law by following the letter not the spirit of the law to be doing "shenanigans", and "games".  Jon responded with "I know you want to make it entertaining, but this is not a f-ing game", to much applause.  He said that these bankers went on a Sherman's march through their own compaines with our 401K investment money, making millions for themselves. 

The thing that really really kills me is that Jon Stewart, on the COMEDY CHANNEL is the one exposing this stuff.  He talks about the folks in the back room staying just barely to the letter of the law and completely ignoring the spirit of  the law, who were making tons of money in an ethically dubious way, that were undermining the traditional buy and hold advice they were giving at the same time to all of us regular investors.

So, which way would most people go??  They hear about something like this, a money making scheme just on this side of the law, what is the natural reaction?   Is it to wonder how I can get in on that?  Or if I should try to expose that and get the laws improved or at least make the people own up? Or turn your back, assuming the bad guys will get their due, and karma will catch up?  The reality is that most of us would never hear about it, and continue to do the right thing, trusting the experts and being  patient, saving for retirement with a balanced portfolio.

Jim Cramer said that we all should have been aware that the world that made us 30% per year from 1999-2007 could not be sustained.  WTF???  30%?  We've never made anything approaching any number like that, ever!  And we've had good advice, from by all accounts, an honest, intelligent advisor. Or maybe he's naive like the rest of us...  I have believed for a couple years that "normal people" can't make money in the stock market.  But I thought we were at least part of a larger group in the 401K plans and other managed funds who gave us a shared chance.  Nope, only the crooked guys profit, and in the case of Madoff, didn't let his friends and family in, he STOLE FROM THEM, too!

So, who's responsibility is it to maintain the intent of the law?  Smarter lawmakers?  Journalists?   Everyone is... truly.   How do we get back to a society where we know we have to work to make profit and can actually trust people?

As I would think everyone who read this blog knows by now, I have a bit of an obsession with a local  unsigned pop rock band called Fourwayfree.   Because of the fact that I really like their music and have an innate feeling that the world should be fair, I  take the opportunity to help them out whenever I can.  These guys are good enough to be famous, and in a fair world, they would be all over the radio and rolling in fame and fortune.

My latest chance to see Fourwayfree came along with a chance to help get others to see them, too - a concert in  our town of Morgan Hill on January 31.  They arranged to play at the Sobrato Arts Center auditorium, a great venue on the grounds of the local high school.   The weekend was a really busy one - the bike club had a dinner, the running club was travelling to Death Valley, and several of our Morgan Hill crowd were going to the Salute dinner to celebrate our friend Patty Sebald getting named Volunteer of the Year (yay, Patty!).  So a lot of the people I would ordinarily get to go were otherwise booked.

In any case, I ended up there with 16 friends, and 3 more had bought tickets and then worn themselves out cycling that day and so didn't show.  A good turnout all around, the auditorium looked full, and we all got good seats together in the front right section, while two friends April and Kryia decided to sit up in the back so they could dance in their seats, which idea I just LOVED.  It's hard for me to sit still, too, my friends.

The opening band, Aural Assault, was great fun for those of us with a classic hard rock history.  They won the battle of the bands contest for 18 and under from the radio station KFOX, and it turns out that we had met the guitarist's dad late last year when George got his car hooked up for the ipods.  Aural Assault took on some of our favorite classic rock tunes and did them up well - Godzilla, Panama, and even Voodoo Child!  They went way above and beyond what most cover bands would dare to take on.  All 3 were great, and special kudos to the drummer who also did a lot of singing, some real talent there.  So far so good, my friends were all buzzing happily about the opening during the break.

Then finally it was time for Fourwayfree.  Wow... what a show.  They did it all, old and new, acoustic and jam band and lots of lead singer Genji Nakano's special introspective moments, too.  One really cool part was that they had a full horn section with them - 3 really talented guys, led by Cousin Steve Nakano.  The horns really add a lot of depth and that fun sound to the band. 

During the show, the band invited some special guests on stage, beginning with Chris, who I've seen play bass before - young and very talented.  They also brought up their former member Darin "Berle" Dixon on bass later in the show, and during those songs,the current bass player Cameron Scott picked up on guitar - listening to him and lead guitarist Jeff Nunes playing together was really something special.  I think that was probably the high point of the show, where I was absolutely sure looking around at my friends that everyone was really enjoying themselves.

Another great moment was when the band brought up two female vocalists, one of whom was Lisette, who I'd seen sing before with a local young band called Opposite of Grey - the two voices blended beautifully with Genji's and again, everyone seemed really impressed.   They also did a really nice acoustic set where the four core guys were all in a line up front, including Boody out from behind on his drum set playing on a beat box.

The band played everything, a really long, full show.  They gave a chance for everyone there to see all of their "moods", so I'm figuring no matter what style music you like, they hit on it.  I do think some of my friends could have used a break, or maybe just didn't expect such a long show, because everyone seemed pretty tired by the end (did I mention we're old?!)   But really, credit goes to the band for the marathon set.  You never know which song will be someone's favorite, after all!    I was gratified to see many of my friends buying CDs and ordering the live recording afterwards. 

The next day many of us were at the same superbowl party, and we got into a discussion about why this band isn't famous.  It's hard to explain, I guess it's possible there are really that many talented bands out there, but I also know it takes time to get the exposure up and some spark of luck as well.  So, I'll keep doing what I can to let people know about the band -- Fourwayfree, check 'em out on MySpace or iTunes or at CD baby where you can hear a good preview of several songs and also buy their CD.

And don't worry, I'll let you know when they're back in town, too.    Mushroom Mardi Gras on Memorial Day weekend!

This has been going around on facebook for awhile and I finally caved and filled it in.  Not all that profound, really.  I do enjoy reading other people's lists, so maybe you'll like reading mine, too!   

1. I really, really, love music -- I listen to all kinds and have a lot of favorite songs spanning decades and genres.

2. I am basically an empath - if you're crying, I am crying, too. I first realized this for real flying in late Septenber of 2001 talking to a stewardess who had lost 4 friends on 9/11.

3. Perhaps because I am an empath, I tend to hang around happy people with a real spark of life.

4. My closest friends tend to be very bright and also self-sufficient, as I have a tendency to fade away until we are together in person when we instantly start where we left off last

5. Nope, not telling you that one.

6. I am the 5th of 6 - 3 older brothers and one younger,  yet I remain closest and in some ways most afraid of my older sister by 11 months.

7. I am blessed to have 3 sisters-in-law and a brother-in-law who I love a lot and are wonderful people to be around, it's amazing how well everyone gets along.

8. I have 8 nephews and 4 nieces who probably don't realize how much they mean to me but I do my best to connect and let them know I'm here, particularly when we are together in person (I seem to feel a theme emerging here).

9. I have had 3 last names and none of them has been easy to pronounce or spell.

10. When I first joined IBM, we had paper distribution lists for routing stuff around. There were 3 people with the same last name because one guy used to be married to a woman and was now married to another (Hellman, if anyone would remember that).  I thought that was the weirdest thing, and then, yes, for awhile it was me as the 2nd wife with the same last name.   Ah, life!

11. I truly do feel love and affection for both of my husband's ex wives

12. I never programmed using punch cards, but that's really just luck as others my same age did have to do that.

13. I am a pretty strong feminist but feel honest sympathy for the guys who get caught up in it when they think they're being nice or helpful

14. I have gone from being terrified of getting pregnant, to really really wanting to get pregnant, to being afraid but curious about it, to being relieved to not have to worry about it, to being very happy to marry into children and grandchildren

15. I drink some form of alcoholic beverage(s) pretty much every night but don't usually have a lot of it, except for when I do

16. I exercise more than most people could possibly imagine.   Except for those of my friends who way outdo me, that is.

17. I also eat more than most people would think,  at least 5 times a day.  I love to eat, but I eat to live.

18. really?  only on 18?

19. I'm a pretty darn good swimmer.  I could probably beat you, unless you currently swim for a racing team, and even then would put up a good fight.

20. I always wished I had been born in time to be a hippie

21. I love dogs and I force my cats to behave like dogs so I love them too.

22. I like cats much better than kittens.

23. I like being outside, which is why I moved from Wisconsin to California as soon as I possibly could, at 22 but still refused to start my real job until I spent most of the summer lifeguarding after graduation.

24. I like spending money but I somehow always seem to have some saved

25. I took way too long to develop this list

Your future holds a wonderful music event, if you'll just open up to it. 

There's a great concert at a great venue coming up SOON -- Saturday, January 31.  Tickets are only $15, and still available.   The venue is the Sobrato Arts Center in Morgan Hill, CA -- 15 miles south of SJ, 10 miles north of Gilroy.  

The band is fourwayfree.   I can honestly say this is my favorite band.  What makes them my favorite band?  The music and musicians, of course.  I've seen them live 5 or 6 times, and it's always great, puts me in an excellent mood for days. Somehow their music evokes music that I've loved across my whole life (and I love a lot of music).  You can read more of my early impressions of them in this blog from the concert at the same venue last year and some more in this blog from Summerfest last summer.   So yeah, I sort of know these guys now but it's really about their music.  You can get a great preview of how they sound by clicking in 'play all songs' at this site.   If you aren't local, you can hear and buy their CD at that site -- I really think you'll like it.

Having trouble picturing yourself at a concert?  Relax... this is a very nice, easy comfortable venue.  It happens to be located at Sobrato High School but is not affiliated with the high school - it's all new, great acoustics, comfortable seating, and all the seats (general admission) have a good view of the stage and there's an orchestra pit where folks can dance without blocking anyone's view.   The show is open to all ages so if you have kids who like music, bring them along (my nephews liked it a lot last summer, they were ages 9-17).

If you can possibly get yourself to Morgan Hill on Saturday 1/31 (in 2 weeks), please come out to this.  Several of us will be at Chipotle on Cochrane for dinner beforehand.  You can buy tickets on ticketmaster or in person with no service at the Music Tree store in downtown Morgan Hill (a very cool store where they sell musical instruments and give lessons), or contact me and we'll work it out, I will likely help them out by having some tickets to sell in person.   That's how much I like this music - I believe in them.  Oh if you're from far away, so far there's no claim on any of our guest rooms or couches....

So, please come out to enjoy this band, help them get closer towards the "big break" they deserve.  I put my word on it you won't be disappointed. 

I'm not big on New Year's resolutions -- as most of us know, it's a set up for failure most of the time.  But that said, it's good to take stock now and then, and look for ways to do some mid-course corrections.

Clearly I struggle with way too much to do.  I have too many interests, and way too little time to pursue them.   So I tend to compartmentalize my life -- mainly into work and non-work.  The non-work part I try hard to balance.

My work resolution is to be more focused, put in more deep thinking and deep working.  It's a natural progression after being in a new area, now I have a good sense of what to do, who the players are, etc.  I need to shift my focus less on learning (both people/politics and technology) and more towards doing, now that I have established the base.  I feel like I'm in pretty good shape there (and hopefully those doing the evaluating feel the same!).

Fitness/health wise, I just need to keep doing what I do.  I have scores of ways to motivate myself, and George has become a great helper in that as well - he looks for ways to help me be more time-efficient, shops for healthy meals, etc.  I do have a bit of extra weight after my holiday binge and weeks of "the cold", but I feel like that's getting back under control now.   I have a good routine going on, and some goals to pursue and great people to pursue them with.

My primary relationship is wonderful and warm, but again, I can't let anything slide there either. George is someone who needs attention and loves to play.  We do great when we take the time to be together, hike, golf, have our martini night, etc.  The fact that I don't travel much in my new job has helped us have a lot more time together, but it's also put us into having to cook dinner a lot more often, etc.  I'm trying to move towards having more very low effort dinners so we have time and energy left -- that also keeps the special dinner nights more "special". 

Where I feel like I'm falling down a bit is on the other personal relationships.  I want to evolve into a more thoughtful, considerate person.  I need to keep thinking of ways to reach out to my family and friends and let them know I care and I think about them.  I think of so many more nice deeds than I actually ever do.  Of course, facebook has made it a lot easier for me to ping people who are out there, but there are so many others who aren't there.   And I don't feel like email is enough - I need to start calling, writing notes, and arranging visits.  And then making sure the visits really make a difference - really talk and share, and help each other feel good and connected.

I also need to be a bit more organized at home, and do some house updating.   I really want to get the fireplace re-done, and clean out a lot of the stuff we accumulate, plus keep closer track on some of the finances.

What I'm trying for is some extra evening time to go towards both of these last areas.   I'll check back in on this from time to time this year. 

Be warned, this isn't poetry as you're expecting.  It's greeting card style "stuff", intended to inspire a smile and an embarrassed "awwww".

I wrote two poems yesterday, one for my brother and one for my parents.  For Christmas in my family, the adult kids and spouses all choose names.  This year I tried to propose simplifying, maybe just a small gift and a donation, times being as they are.   We couldn't all agree on that, but I decided to go ahead with it.  So I wrote the first poem to put in the card to my younger brother, along with a note where I told him he's a great "little brother" (he's considerably bigger than me these days of course!) 

I wrote it out in green and red magic marker, this is what it looked like:

I feel we have so many gifts
And others have so few
I'm sharing part of yours with them
Hope it's OK with you

I have sent you a new book to read
I hope it makes you laugh
We're also helping those in need
I hope it's not a gaffe!

We all have so much to give
Our family loves well
Perhaps we'll help some others have
A Christmas really swell

Next, I wrote one to my parents.  My mom loves this stuff, I can just see her laughing at it.  They said they didn't want anything this year.  I sent them flowers and a couple of books and this poem:

To mom and dad at Christmas

Christmas is a family time,
whether here or there
because we live so far away
it's hard to show we care

so this little poem I wrote
to say more than a card
even tho as it turns out
I'm not much of a bard

2008 has come and gone
and lots of fun was had
in july we got to see you both
and for that we are glad

2009 may be a time
for cutbacks, yes it's true
but something we will never cut
is coming to see you

so at some point in the year to come
you'll hear 'we're coming out!'
and wing our way to you we will
and try not to wear you out

so merry christmas! mom and dad
and happy new year, too
We hope you feel across the miles
the love we send to you

Go ahead and laugh, it's OK.  That was the spirit in which this "poetry" was intended.  I can appreciate true poetry, trust me.  But I just don't take myself that seriously, I love a good pun and a good rhyme, too.

Today being day 4 of no voice, with advice from all sides including a remote co-worker:
9:47:11 AM: coworker: Hey...no need to talk today I guess...until next year
9:47:12 AM: coworker: Unless you have something?
9:47:15 AM: me: ok - that's good because I have completely lost my voice  :-(
9:47:29 AM: me: day 4, i seriously cannot talk at all
9:47:30 AM: coworker: sorry to hear that
9:47:39 AM: me: thanks - i'm not really all that sick but I can't talk
9:48:08 AM: coworker: u should have it check...my son had the same thing...needed antobiotics
9:48:15 AM: coworker: then cleared up
9:48:26 AM: me: oh - thanks, everything I read says it's always a virus

And  then there's George telling me I need to find out from a doctor if it's OK for me to travel.  It's a cold... yes I can travel.

And so I called the Kaiser advice nurse and croaked my way through her triage.  She basically concluded that since it sort of hurts me to cough sometimes that I must be sicker than I'm letting on and I should go to the doctor.

So I go... first thing is I have to pay the $20 co-pay.  Now, I have read everything there is to read about laryngitis, it's almost always viral, they don't  even want to see you unless it's been 2 weeks.  So I'm not expecting much for my $20.  I have no fever (97.5), low b.p., etc.  The doc listens and pokes and peeks, takes a throat culture even though it didn't look bad.  And she said she heard some wheezing so she'll prescribe 2 inhalers.

I get dressed, take the throat culture to the lab and go to the pharmacy.  They want $40.  UGH.  And since it's a new med, the pharmacist wants to consult. She starts telling me about the 2 inhalers (I've never used one), and then says I have to rinse my mouth after one of them because it's a steroid and otherwise it could cause an infection. WTF??  A steroid?  I dont' want to take a steroid.  I start asking her what these medicines are.  Are they to cure me, or just for symptoms?  Just for symptoms.  I say I don't want them and go back to see the doctor.

The doctor says I don't have to take the steroid, it was just to help my breathing.  I'm breathing fine enough to not inhale steroids, which aren't even for immediate relief.  The more I hear, the more incredulous I get - why would they prescribe this without even talking to me about it?  So she says she'll call the pharmacy to get it taken off.

I go back to the pharmacy and they start to refund the $30, it takes forever because they don't know how to do it.  But I got the money back, and now I have just a regular inhaler, and I'm not even sure I need that.

Does anyone else ever question what doctors say?  Do the doctors just think everyone is too oblivioius to even care about what medicine they're taking and blindly trust the doctors, or think they have to get a prescription every time they go in??  Are we supposed to throw our money away on meds we don't need, and then throw away the medicine, too?

There's something wrong here... very wrong.