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Doctor No



Last Updated: 3/12/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 36
Sign: Scorpio

City: WESTMINSTER
State: COLORADO
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/14/2006

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Thursday, December 20, 2007 

Current mood:  nostalgic
Category: Life

Well, Christmas is a mere five days away at this point, and if you're like me, then you're five-foot-ten and named "Doug".  But you also probably need to get some shopping done.  The first thing that you should know is that if you have a crappy, no-good family full of self-absorbed losers, you can solve all of your problems by taking a ride in the new minivan.

Can't afford a minivan?  How's about buying your loved ones some fancy jewelry?  I'm not sure which ads are more saccharinely nauseating overall - Jared or Kay, but one thing's for sure - nothing beats the machine-gun rat-a-tat-tat of "He went to Jared!"  "He went to Jared!"  "He went to Jared!"  "He went to Jared!"  "He went to Jared!"  "He went to Jared!" .  All of the Kay ads involve the couple's spawn as co-conspirators, which is fitting because they were conceived the last time jewelry was involved.

(I like Tom Shane, so I'm leaving him out of this.)

Since you're shopping so late, you'll probably need to ship your presents.  For this, I recommend UPS.  Their current radio campaign compares shipping packages to a basketball game - because at the end of a basketball game, it doesn't matter if you're behind by one point or by twenty points - either outcome is a loss.  And it's apparently the same if your package is late.  In other words, if your package is late, it doesn't matter if it's an hour late or three months late.  I think that they make a good point.

Of course, the best gift is the gift that you give yourself, which is why Toyota is currently running a series of ads showing folks destroying their own cars so that they can get a brand-new Toyota.  Insurance fraud is implied, since otherwise why wouldn't you just go buy the new car and not worry about the old one?  Better yet - trade it in!  Seems like a lot of hassle to push it off of a parking garage roof, or drop a steel beam on it.  But then again, I don't own a Toyota, so what do I know?

Happy holidays to you all, and remember that Santa Claus uses Duracell batteries.  It says so in the commercials, and they wouldn't lie about something that that.

Currently listening:
Building Nothing Out Of Something
By Modest Mouse
Release date: 18 January, 2000
5:24 PM 
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Tuesday, November 20, 2007 

Current mood:reflective
Category: Life

In the summer of 1993, my family brought home a Siberian Husky puppy.  Over the next fourteen years, this hyperactive dog would grow to become my best friend - even though I didn't get to see him nearly as much as I would have liked.  He was stubborn when he wanted to be, and he was definitely a handful.  But he was as loyal as any dog you'll ever meet.  He didn't really care about other dogs - not that he hated other dogs, he just wasn't interested.  And I believe that when you talked with him, when you looked him in the eyes and communicated, that he understood exactly what you were thinking. 

These are some of my favourite photos of Yuki.  Here he is as a puppy - his ears were huge back then, and his mask was much more prominent.

An early "ottoman" photo.

Yuki always liked to get right in the middle of my bed, and so I'd have to pick my spot first and he'd deal with it.  Later on, he outsmarted me - he needed help to get on the bed, and I'd help him, so then he'd hoard the middle of the bed and force me to sleep on the side.

A side angle - always wanting to know what's going on.

My favourite close-up shot.

Yuki always liked to climb - always climbing.  Here he is on my parents' firewood stack.  Probably the best part of this photo is that you can see that his guide rope is almost completely tangled on the woodpile.  He liked to do that.

At his most hyperactive - and about to pounce.

Yuki always liked digging around in the ivy on our rock wall.

And no matter how many times you tossed a ball, he'd go get it and want to go again. 

It doesn't snow a lot in the Seattle area, but huskies love the snow!

We started out not allowing him on the new leather furniture, but he took over the ottoman in short order and it was his.

If you don't think that this next picture is the cutest thing you've ever seen, then you're wrong.

Out on the back porch!

No matter what I was doing during the year, I always got to see Yuki over Christmas.

Poor guy!  Out in the Arizona heat.

Taken in April of this year. He wasn't doing so well by then, but he would still smile for the camera!

Anyhow, Yuki just passed away last night.  I like to think that he's in a much better place, and that he's doing something he really loves doing - he's probably found a busy highway and is sprinting right down the middle of it, or sneaking soccer chocolate bars off of the top of someone's dining room table.  Thank you, Yuki.

(Comments/kudos disabled on this one.  Sorry!)

2:35 PM 
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007 

Current mood:  content
Category: Life

Hola, amigos.  I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but there's been no end of troubles in Anchower Town.

So....it would seem that I now have a girlfriend.  Yeah, I know - it kinda snuck up on me, too.  Quite frankly, I'm not exactly "Mr. Smooth" with the ladies, and I didn't even know that I was in the running on this one.  But there it was, in my e-mail inbox the other day:

Hallo!!
I put my ad to the date cause I want to have serious on a site of acquaintances.
I have chosen you after searching a lot. I Loved you greatly so I decided to write you. I write through the Internet agency that is why my letter will be a
short one. I am  29. I am young but wise already to make a woman happy and make the house cozy and comfortable. I have never been married before and I think this is the right moment to do it. I have chosen you cause I liked your the story you told about yourself. I think the true love comes with time and what is really important in the relationship is the trust and understanding. I hope you will reply and i will send you my picture at once.

Please write straight to the address: pechenyushechka@gmail.com

Your new girlfriend

I think it's obvious why I'm so excited about this.  She didn't send a picture (although maybe it ended up in my spam folder, since that's where I found this), but it came from a "Vaughn Stanford".  And if you Google image search that name, you'll find some pretty nice looking ladies.  Okay, you have to go several pages in before you find anything other than weird dudes.  But I'm sure that it's fine.  So Vaughn, if you're reading this, a hearty "Hallo!!" to you.

I think it's pretty obvious that I don't try to cater to stupid people in my blogs, because stupid people don't find me funny in the first place.  But stupid people do amuse me to no end.  People who ask me "who's calling?", implying that if I'm good enough to make the cut, they'll make time for me.  People who speak in abbreviations, because using actual words is too much of a burden.  The people who run the advertisements during TBS's baseball broadcasting.  Hey, does anyone know if that Frank Caliendo guy has a new show coming out?  Or where I can watch "The Office" re-runs?

So I have a new invention that I think you'll all enjoy, and I'm placing my stake in the ground on this one (so to speak).  I'm sure that you've all heard of the "spork", the combination spoon/fork available at KFC for some time now.  But what do you really need at a restaurant at the same time?  A knife and a fork.  And thus, the sknork:

I think it's the perfect little invention, don't you?  You would never need another utensil in your lifetime.  I've shown this to people around my office, and the only valid criticism is that you can't hold food and cut it at the same time.  Solution: buy two!  They're great, so why not two of them?

Okay, how about this: frisbee miniature golf.  I'm ideas people, people!

Since you've made it this far, here's a picture of a friendly animated walrus:

Question time - what should I be for Halloween?  It's coming up soon, and if I can't come up with anything better, it will be "Nude Doctor No", and no one wins when that happens.

Currently listening:
Huey Lewis and the News
By Huey Lewis and the News
Release date: 01 August, 2000
11:01 PM 
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Tuesday, August 07, 2007 

Current mood:  confused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

As we get started today, I have something to show you which will change your life forever.

Bacon Salt

Their slogan? "We're on a quest to make everything taste like bacon". Swear to God. They even have a "recipes" section on their website. Without giving away any trade secrets, here's my official recipe for Bacon Salt:

DOCTOR NO'S PATENTED BACON SALT RECIPE (*)

INGREDIENTS:
Salt
Bacon

DIRECTIONS:
Lay salt on kitchen counter. Rub salt generously with sweet, sweet bacon. Repeat until savory.

(*) Patent pending

So, anyhow.  Where was I?  Oh, right.  If you live in the Denver area, there's also a great new Mexican restaurant open downtown on the 16th Street Mall.  You see, when I was in grad school, there was this place on Baseline and Broadway called "Taco Bell".  It was open late, and all of the kids loved it.  I was told that it was authentic Mexican fare.

Apparently it's doing quite well, because they've now opened a second location in downtown Denver!  So rejoice, ye all, because you no longer have to make the trek to Boulder for your fix of great Mexican cuisine.  And remember to support your local businesses such as this one, lest they get swallowed up by corporate America.

Saw a great commercial for an Oreck vacuum cleaner the other day, but it really takes something special to capture my attention (as you well know).  So it pleased me greatly when they offered their "try it before you buy it" offer with the following statement:

"You wouldn't pay for a meal at a restaurant before you ate it, would you?"

Well, actually, I do that just about every day at lunch, and oftentimes at dinner.  Maybe when you get filthy rich from selling vacuum cleaners all day, you can afford to eat at those fancy sit-down joints, but try to remember the common man next time.

I keep being reminded that there's someone who just joined MySpace and has a secret crush on me.  So if that's you, please step forward and announce yourself!

Here's a cartoon that has nothing to do with commercials, but it amuses me.   I hope that it amuses you.

It'd still be pretty funny without the dinosaurs, but they take it to another level in my opinion. 

Hey, if you're reading, why aren't you commenting?  I'm needy!

Currently listening:
The Cars
By The Cars
Release date: 25 October, 1990
11:16 PM 
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007 

Current mood:  optimistic
Category: Sports

Today's the day of the year where ESPN and the Jimmy V Foundation raise money to fight cancer.  Many of the people who read my blog probably aren't familiar with Jim Valvano - he was a very passionate man who loved basketball, and during the inaugural ESPY Awards (back when the ESPY Awards were something more than just a caricature of themslves), he was named the inaugural recipient of the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award for his campaign to raise money in the fight against cancer.  He delivered his acceptance speech on March 4, 1993, and died less than two months later from the disease that he fought so hard against.

Here is his acceptance speech in its entirety.  If it moves you half as much as it moves me, then it moves me twice as much as it moves you.  But that's still pretty moving for you - I think we can all agree on that.  Stop by http://espnradio.com today and donate some money if you get the chance, or bid on one of the auction items, because cancer sucks.  Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePXlkqkFH6s

Thank you very much. Thank you.

That's -- That's the lowest I've ever seen Dick Vitale since the owner of the Detroit Pistons called him in and told him he should go into broadcasting.

I can't tell you what an honor it is to even be mentioned in the same breath with Arthur Ashe. This is something I certainly will treasure forever. But, as it was said on the tape, and I also don't have one of those things going with the cue cards, so I'm going to speak longer than anybody else has spoken tonight. That's the way it goes. Time is very precious to me. I don't know how much I have left, and I have some things that I would like to say. Hopefully, at the end, I'll have something that will be important to other people too.

But, I can't help it. Now, I'm fighting cancer, everybody knows that. People ask me all the time about how you go through your life and how's your day, and nothing is changed for me. As Dick said, I'm a very emotional, passionate man. I can't help it. That's being the son of Rocco and Angelina Valvano. It comes with the territory. We hug, we kiss, we love. And when people say to me how do you get through life or each day, it's the same thing. To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.

And so, I can't help -- I rode on the plane up today with Mike Krzyzewski, my good friend and a wonderful coach. People don't realize he's ten times a better person than he is a coach, and we know he's a great coach. He's meant a lot to me in these last five or six months with my battle. But when I look at Mike, I think, we competed against each other as players. I coached against him for fifteen years, and I always have to think about what's important in life to me are these three things. Where you started; where you are; and where you're gonna be. Those are the three things that I try and do every day. And you know when I think about getting up and giving a speech, I can't help it -- I have to remember the first speech I ever gave.

I was coaching at Rutgers University, that was my first job -- oh, that's wonderful [reaction to applause] -- and I was the freshman coach. That's when freshmen played on freshman teams. And I was so fired up about my first job. I see Lou Holtz, Coach Holtz here. What was it like, the very first job you had, right? The very first time you stood in the locker room to give a pep talk. That's a special place, the locker room, for a coach to give a talk. So my idol as a coach was Vince Lombardi, and I read this book called Commitment To Excellence by Vince Lombardi. And in the book, Lombardi talked about the fist time he spoke before his Green Bay Packer team in the locker room -- they were perennial losers. And I'm reading this and Lombardi said he was thinking should it be a long talk? A short talk? But he wanted it to be emotional, so it would be brief.

And here's what he did. Normally you get in the locker room, I don't know, twenty-five minutes, a half hour before the team takes the field; you do your little X's and 0's, and then you give the great Knute Rockne talk. We all do. Speech number eight-four. You pull them right out, you get ready, get your squad ready. Well, this is the first one I ever gave. And I read this thing -- Lombardi, what he said was he didn't go in. He waited. His team was wondering: Where is he? Where is this great coach? He's not there. Ten minutes -- he's still not there. Three minutes before they could take the field Lombardi comes in, bangs the door open, and I think you all remember what great presence he had, alright, great presence. He walked in and he just walked back and forth, like this, just walked, staring at the players. And he said, "All eyes on me." And I'm reading this in this book. I'm getting this picture of Lombardi before his first game and he said "Gentlemen, we will be successful this year, if you can focus on three things, and three things only: Your family, your religion, and the Green Bay Packers." And he...like that...And they knocked the walls down and the rest was history. I said, that's beautiful. I'm going to do that. Your family, your religion, and Rutgers basketball.

That's it. I had it. Listen, I'm twenty-one years old. The kids I'm coaching are nineteen, alright? And I'm going to be the greatest coach in the world, the next Lombardi. And...I'm practicing outside of the locker room and the managers tell me "you got to go in." "Not yet, not yet"... family, religion, Rutgers Basketball. All eyes on me. I got it, I got it. Then finally he said, "three minutes," and I said "fine." True story. I go to knock the doors open just like Lombardi. Boom! They didn't open. I almost broke my arm. I was like...Now I was down, the players were looking. Help the coach out, help him out. And now I did like Lombardi, I walked back and forth, and I was going like that with my arm getting the feeling back in it. Finally I said, "Gentlemen, all eyes on me." These kids wanted to play, they're nineteen. "Let's go," I said. "Gentlemen, we'll be successful this year if you can focus on three things, and three things only: Your family, your religion, and the Green Bay Packers," I told them. I did that. I remember that. I remember...where I came from.

It's so important to know where you are. And I know where I am right now. How do you go from where you are to where you wanna be? And I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal. And you have to be willing to work for it.

I talked about my family, my family's so important. People think I have courage. The courage in my family are my wife Pam, my three daughters, here, Nicole, Jamie, LeeAnn, my mom, who's right here too. And...that screen is flashing up there thirty seconds like I care about that screen right now, huh? I got tumors all over my body. I'm worried about some guy in the back going thirty seconds, huh? You got a lot, hey va fa napoli, buddy. You got a lot.

I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get you're emotions going. To be enthusiastic every day and [as] Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm" -- to keep your dreams alive in spite of problems whatever you have. The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality.

Now, I look at where I am now and I know what I wanna to do. What I would like to be able to do is to spend whatever time I have left and to give, and maybe some hope to others. Alright, Arthur Ashe Foundation is a wonderful thing, and AIDS, the amount of money pouring in for AIDS is not enough, but it is significant. But if I told you it's ten times the amount that goes in for cancer research. I'll also tell you that five hundred thousand people will die this year of cancer. And I'll also tell you that one in every four will be afflicted with this disease, and yet, somehow, we seem to have put it in a little bit of the background. I want to bring it back on the front table. We need your help. I need your help. We need money for research. It may not save my life. It may save my children's life. It may save someone you love. And it's very important.

And ESPN has been so kind to support me in this endeavor and allow me to announce tonight, that with ESPN's support, which means what? Their money and their dollars and they're helping me -- we are starting the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. And its motto is "Don't give up, don't ever give up." And that's what I'm going to try to do every minute that I have left. I will thank God for the day and the moment I have. And if you see me, smile and maybe give me a hug. That's important to me too. But try if you can to support, whether it's AIDS or the cancer foundation, so that someone else might survive, might prosper, and might actually be cured of this dreaded disease. I can't thank ESPN enough for allowing this to happen. And I'm going to work as hard as I can...for cancer research and hopefully, maybe, we'll have some cures and some breakthroughs. I'd like to think I'm going to fight my brains out to be back here again next year for the Arthur Ashe recipient. I want to give it next year!

I know, I gotta go, I gotta go, and I got one last thing and I said it before, and I'm gonna say it again: Cancer can take away all my physical ability. It cannot touch my mind; it cannot touch my heart; and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

I thank you and God bless you all.

Currently listening:
Genesis
By Genesis
Release date: 25 October, 1990
5:16 PM 
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Thursday, June 28, 2007 

Current mood:  full
Category: Life

As most of you know, I'm working to become more adept at the social aspects of life.  As someone good at "the maths", stereotypically speaking, I don't have the so-called softer skills.  Conversationally speaking, I'm not very open.  I'm pretty good at answering questions about myself, but I don't usually volunteer details about my hidden past.

With that in mind, I thought I'd mention some things about me that you probably weren't aware of. I believe that you'll find this to be a refreshingly honest look into my personal life.

  • First off, I'm a stickler for grammar and the correct use of terminology.  It grates me when people say "for all intensive purposes".  Or when someone says that they are "nailing their secretary".  As all good romantics know, the correct phrase is "nailing love to".

  • I'm responsible for the invention of the spork, the most popular utensil created in the twentieth century. 

  • Do you know what I'd be really good at?  Writing television shows.  I watch a lot of them, and it's just thinking up things for people to say.  I say things all of the time, and I know a lot of people who say things.  How hard could it be?

  • I have at least four friends who threatened to move to Canada prior to the 2004 elections, but are still here.  That's right - I'm calling you out! 

  • As an undergraduate, I earned extra spending cash working as a JC Penney catalog model. 

  • Those of you who have seen me play basketball might be surprised to find this out, but in the summer of 2005, I was the twelfth-overall selection in the National Basketball Association's Slow Old Guy Supplemental Draft.  I never came to terms on a contract, however, and am currently a free agent.  Tell your friends!

  • Many of you know that I'm an amateur musician.  But you probably didn't know that I penned the lyrics to the song "If I Can't Have You, I'd Like A Biggie-Sized Number Three Combo Meal", which was used as the basis for the Yes song "Roundabout".  Yet, I was never compensated.
As Paul Harvey would say, "Now you know the rest of the story." Or some of the story. Or not much of the story, really. I've actually been deliberately wasting your time here. I apologize.
Currently listening:
Navigation: The OMD B-Sides
By Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
Release date: 29 May, 2001
1:15 PM 
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Saturday, June 23, 2007 

Current mood:  tired
Category: Life

Jeez, I've been busy.  As the esteemed Doctor Woo pointed out to me, I wrote this in a blog earlier in the calendar year:

"After February 28th, I'll get back to blogging on a more frequent basis, and I'm trying to read and comment as much as possible in the meantime."

Doctor Woo raises a good point, even though he never comments on the blog.  If you like good food, by the way, check out his excellent prose at http://foodiesf.blogspot.com/.  Tell him Doug sent ya!

Been working a lot of hours the past several months - as a consultant, it's definitely better to be too busy than not busy enough.  When you're not busy enough, then people start looking around for ways to cut costs.  Saw The Police in concert on the 10th, and they're a must-see as far as I'm concerned. 

So I'm just going to ramble for a bit about things that have been on my mind lately.  Do you remember the show Valerie?  Being a big Arrested Development fan, I was thinking about the show that got Jason Bateman going.  It starred Valerie Harper (better known as Rhoda from the Mary Tyler Moore Show) as the mom of a suburban family.  Pretty standard fare. 

Except then she held out for more money, and so they killed her off.  The show became Valerie's Family and then The Hogan Family, but the first episode without Harper was hilarious.  The family grieved for about the entire first segment of the season opener.  "Gee, it sure is sad that Mom's dead."  "Yeah."  "Hey, here's Sandy Duncan!"  And then that was it.

Speaking of show weirdness, do you remember when Frasier's dad appeared on Cheers?  Except he wasn't Frasier's dad at the time.  In a season eleven episode, John Mahoney played a jingle writer who tried to sell Sam on an advertisement for the bar.  He's probably my favourite one-episode character on the show.  "Beer and pretzels, that's our game.  C-H-E-R-S!  If you don't come there, that's a shame.  C-H-E-R-S!"  It's a song that stays with you.

Whenever you log into MySpace, you get to see "Cool New People".  I've always viewed these somewhat suspiciously, and now I'm consistently seeing politicians in the mix.  John Edwards, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  Unless I'm one of those "MySpace friend collectors", then why do I want to be friends with these politicians?

Let me explain three succinct reasons why politicians should be exempt from the "Cool New People" category of MySpace.  First of all, they're not cool.  Second of all, they're not new.  And last, they're not people. 

Where did the expression "give credit where credit is due" come from?  If someone owes me money, then I should give them more money?  Does that make sense to anyone?

Thank you, and please leave through the north exits.  You've been great!

Currently listening:
Live/1975-85
By Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band
Release date: 14 October, 1997
8:29 PM 
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Friday, May 18, 2007 

Current mood:slappy
Category: Travel and Places

Twenty-seven years ago today, this happened on a peaceful Washington morning:

I blogged about this last year, but the 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens was a big memory in my childhood life. 

And it's going to blow again, of course.  Mount St. Helens is the kind of mountain that won't shut up for five minutes about itself.  "Look at me!  I'm a volcano!  Pay attention to ME!"

The one I'm really concerned about is Mount Rainier.  Those of you who have seen this mountain know how absolutely beautiful it is.  I can see it in my mind's eye now, sitting on the dock in Manchester looking at Rainier looming over the landscape.  Easily one of the five most strikingly beautiful things I've seen in this world.  But when it blows - eek ack argl eargh.  And if you live in a place where volcanoes blow up, sooner or later, volcanoes are going to blow up.

Volcanoes fascinate me.  I always make a solid effort to make sure that I'm the proper viewing side of the airplane so that I can see Rainier, St. Helens, Adams, Hood, and the Sisters all lined up one after the other on a rare clear Washington state day.

That's all I've got. 

Currently listening:
Get Happy!!
By Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Release date: 09 September, 2003
4:22 PM 
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Thursday, May 17, 2007 

Current mood:  awake
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

If you've read any of my Commercial blogs, you've probably figured out that I enjoy watching a lot of television.  For the most part, it's something to do.  But you can also learn a lot of life's lessons from television.  How relationships work, how to relate to your family, how to hold a successful job.

The show "Arrested Development", which aired on the FOX network between 2003 and 2006, is one of the best shows ever to appear on the medium.  Critically acclaimed, the show still didn't get the large ratings numbers required, and was eventually (and lamentably) cancelled.  It's available on DVD (Season One, Season Two, and Season Three, and if you buy them here, I get five percent!) and I guarantee that you'll love it.

Having said that, here are ten things I've learned from watching Arrested Development:

  1. You have to get up pretty early to get drunk by one o'clock.

  2. The Army doctor touches your Charlie Browns.

  3. Vodka goes bad once it's opened.

  4. Love feels like an erection.

  5. Parties with unlimited juice are off the hook.

  6. Sometimes, love should be terrifying.

  7. Pound is tic-tac-toe.

  8. Occasionally, Army has half-a-day.

  9. The reason they call it "scoring" is because it's a competition.

  10. Say what you will about America - thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.

I hope that, in times of sadness or trouble, these words of wisdom can help you as they've helped me.  Bookmark this page!  And remember...NO TOUCHING!

Currently listening:
BBC in Session
By The La's
Release date: 05 October, 2006
1:15 PM 
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007 

Current mood:time for work!
Category: Life

These are the days of our lives...

Last fall, I posted the tale of The Outback Letter, the story of a fellow graduate student whose enthusiasm for a department outing proved to be his downfall.

At the time (in the comments following the blog), I promised a follow-up regarding The Bughouse Letters.  For those of you unfamiliar with this game, it's a four-player game played with two chessboards, and our hero was a big fan. 

What follows are The Bughouse Letters, all seven of them, in their entirety.  Names have been deleted to protect the guilty.  Enjoy this taste of Boulder, Colorado - the way it once was!

January 17, 1996:

Hi everyone!
        If there is anyone that I have not said hello to, have a great
semester.
        I do remember that I had offered a chance to tryout bug house
(siamese chess) to a few people last semester when we had some time. 
Well, I thought before the semester got too busy, that this first week we
all could squeeze some games in tomorrow, Thursday night.  This is a good
night because there's a chess club that regularly has people playing bug
house.  I would be glad to give up to four people, the passenger capacity
of my car, a ride there and back.
        If you are interested, I will be in math modes (MATH170) tomorrow
from 1 until 3.  Come by and let me know.
        If enough people are interested in playing bug house on a regular
basis here in the department, I will purchase the equipement nessecary
for us to play here.  I already have two chess sets ideal for bug house
and am waiting for the digital clocks to become available. 
        I would point out that as mathematicians, the penticle of
intellectual achievement, it is almost embarassing if we are found out not to play
 a descent chess game. 
Yet many of you may feel that chess is too long, boring, not socially stimulating,
and requires in depth study to play well.
  Bug house is the solution to all of these faults.
        Standard bug house games last less than ten minutes.  Every bug
house game I ever have played has lasted less than ten minutes (with the
soul exception being that I know someone who tried bug house by mail). 
In bug house, you have a partner that you can communicate with.  Every
bug house game that I have played has been fun, exciting, and quick
moving.  Bug house has caoticness built into it which eliminates
effectiveness of studying books on standard chess openings.  Even a book
on bug house openings would be of limited value because of the random
nature of the game.  Yet, despite all of this, who can learn to play a
reasonably good game of chess because you get great combination practice.
        Folks, I have to leave for class now.  Sorry that I have not done
a better job of communicating how fun the game is or more on how it is
played or a full list of advantages.  Just stop me today or tomorrow if
you have questions.  Otherwise, I hope to see everyone tomorrow in
Math170, Math modes tutoring room, between one and three.
        By for now, ***.

February 9, 1996:

There's a WHAT in your tea?!

What could be finer than to be sipping tea while franticly trying to keep
the bugginess of bug house under control.  Yes, that is to say, as you
guess tea time and bug time are now one in the same on friday afternoons!

I will set up the bug house and tea equipement by 3:30 on fridays and
will leave the bug house equipement setup until at least 5:30.  So come
what ever meetings you have, there is still time for a few games of bug
house.

February 9, 1996:

Water is heating

Tea will be ready soon.
Cookies are out.
The boards are set.
Time to go to 350 and have some fun.

BUG HOUSE TIME!

February 9, 1996:

Beware!!!

The team of Beth G********* and John M**** were undefeated in bug house
this today!  I think they are out for blood.

So, if they come knocking at your door, HIDE!  DON'T ANSWER IT!  Or if
you dare answer, practice, practice, practice (because they have) or
ELSE!

If you find a partner and willing opposition to prepare for Beth and
John's onslot, you can borrow the bug house equipement from me. 

The only team we have any hope of defending us from Beth and John's
attack is the team of Bob R*** and John M****** who got some games in
last Friday.  Oh where, oh where was our defending team of Bob and John? 
Are we lost, or will some new team come and defend us next Friday during
Bug House-Tea Time? 

Are the only good teams have initials B'n'J?  Can you think up a better
name for your team?  Let me know.  See ya at the Buggy Tea.

February 23, 1996:

It's Friday...

and we all know what that means.  But in case anyone forgot, it's Buggy
Tea day.  That is, Bug House today.
 
Last week we had a record attendance-- This week we can do even better!
So...

Same Bug time (3:30 to 5:30)...

Same Bug channel (MATH 350)...

See ya there!

February 23, 1996:

The tea is hot

So it must be, and it is, Buggy Tea time.

Come enjoy the tea, cookies, and bug house.

March 1, 1996:

Time to relax with tea, cookies and bughouse.

One person did ask why I was going to the effort to set up for tea and
bug house as well as to spread the word.  The answer is this is my gift
to my fellow grad students in this department.  This is an opertunity for
you to save your money, relax and have fun at the end of your week. 
Personally all I get out of this is to be able set back and watch others
have fun playing bughouse. 

So everyone, come and enjoy a quiet afternoon.

And there we have it.  That's another piece of the puzzle as to why I am the way I am.  Office...submarine!!!

As one last treat, while we were busy experimenting with forging e-mails, during the height of the Great Bughouse Crazy of 1996, my good friend Curtis penned this little tribute "from" the student in question.  Enjoy!

February 18, 1996:

Sung to the tune of "Our House" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young:

You set the clocks,
I bring the pieces, which I
Place on two chess boards side by side.

You brew the tea,
I'll bring some cookies, and we'll
Sit down on a Friday afternoon.

Bug House
Is a very very very fine house;
With non-stop action, challenge, fun, and sport.

Bug House
With its wacky random style of play;
There is no other game of its sort!

I think it fits well, don't you?  Thanks again to other people for writing my blog yet again, and mad props to me for keeping every e-mail I ever receive.  And as mentioned in November, I'm still soliciting guesses as to what this gentleman looks like.  Enjoy your Tuesdays!

(Please note that with the use of the plural, I'm wishing that multiple people enjoy a single Tuesday.  I am not advocating that one person enjoy multiple Tuedsays, although you are free to do that at your own risk.)

 

Currently listening:
Dim the Lights, Chill the Ham
By Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet
Release date: 17 May, 1993
1:11 PM 
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