A quote I happened upon lately:


Somebody at one of these places asked me: "What do you do? How do you write, create?" You don't, I told them. You don't try. That's very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It's like a bug high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks you make a pet out of it.
- Charles Bukowski


I haven't written a lot as of late, but have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months about what I want to do in terms of more serious endeavors. I've wanted to write a book for a long time but experienced great difficulty narrowing down what I wanted to say, who to address, and how. After a long period of frustrated assessment of this nature, all I confirmed is that this process cannot be forced. I knew it was there for a long time, making me uneasy with its presence but smugly positioned out of my reach, its form concealed in a dark corner.

I think my bug is getting closer.

While I focus all my efforts on catching it, I'll have to apologize for neglecting this bloggy thing.

Anyone who is dying for more updates on my life (and I'm certain you are many) should add me on Facespace. I've noticed an exodus from myspaz to FB and decided a while ago to stop fighting the tide... hah. Anyway, all my new stuff is there for anyone who cares. Not gonna kill this site but it's on life support until I come up with a better way to get my blog on, which could be a while anyway since I'm diverting my writing to my side project as of today.

..Chelsea Rustad

Create Your Badge..

(Sorry. Next post will not be a lame survey I stole from FB)

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to people you like and include me (presuming I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist
311

Are you a male or female:
Getting Through To Her

Describe yourself:
Still Dreaming

How do you feel:
Strong All Along

Describe where you currently live:
Paradise

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Jupiter

Your favorite form of transportation:
Full Ride

Your best friend?
Offbeat Bare Ass

You and your best friends are:
Loco

What's the weather like:
Never Ending Summer

Favorite time of day:
8:16 AM

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Come Original

What is life to you:
Beautiful Disaster

Your relationship:
What Was I Thinking?

Your fear:
No Control

What is the best advice you have to give:
Reconsider Everything

Thought for the Day:
Wake Your Mind Up

My soul's present condition:
Livin' & Rockin'

My motto:
Can't Fade Me

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Are you ready for how pathetic I was? Get this: I was the only girl in my group of friends not to have a date to prom in high school. My good friend Nodya let me dance with her date (bless her heart) and that was the first time I'd danced with a guy in my life. But next year was my then-boyfriend's prom, so naturally I thought oh boy, I get to go to a prom now! Not so much; my own boyfriend wasn't interested in taking me to prom either. Awesome huh? Try to reel in that raging envy, ladies.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Nope.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Nothing. I have never had alcohol and don't plan on it.

4. What was your FIRST job?
Being a lamer courtesy clerk at Safeway.

5. What was your FIRST car?
The first car to belong to me was a stupid '98 VW Bug. The first car I actually bought was my current '06 Nissan 350Z.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Strangely, no one.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
I dunno, my cat.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Mrs. Draeger? I think.

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Prolly Arizona.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Not sure... I didn't really have a ton of friends as a youngling.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
Again, not sure but maybe some friend from elementary school... or just sleepovers with the cousins.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
Some co-workers having a "heated discussion".

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
A family friend, Tina Dobbs. I was the li'l flowergirl.

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Turned off my alarm, took a shower... all that standard daily drudgery.

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Third Eye Blind... with my mom. So hardcore.

16. FIRST tattoo?
Don't have or want any.

17. FIRST piercing?
Got my ears pierced when I was a tweenager.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to?
Canadia.

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Apparently I was pretty fond of Pinocchio as a toddler.. called the movie "Peekio". PEEKIO FOREVER

20. When was your FIRST detention?
I was way too much of a teacher's pet for detention. Worst I ever got was my name written on the board in junior high for talking in class. And the only reason I was talking was that I was helping another girl with her work when she asked me a question. It remains a haunting mystery to this day how I wasn't the most popular girl in school.

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Lisa Ronning in freshman year at CWU. In high school I found out we were going to the same college and I asked her if she wanted to be my roommate. She said she wanted to see who she got randomly paired up with. OK, fair enough. They put her with me. lol

23. If you had one wish, what would it be?
That I could be a wildly successful author. What? Can't I have pipe dreams?

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
Guitar. I really want to learn guitar but I am trying to focus on ballet at the moment.

25. Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage?
First? Was there supposed to be some long line of gentleman suitors? Funny stuff. Pretty sure no guy on earth would ever marry me, which is fine since I found out I'm happier single.

26. What was the first sport that you were involved in?
Track, if going to meets and participating in events that had no bearing on the outcome or overall placement of our team counts as "being involved".

27. What were the first lessons you ever took?
I started taking ballet in January of 2008.

28. What is the first thing you do when you get home?
Sit down, grab some food and putz around on the internets.

29. Who do you think will be the first person to post this in return?
Prolly no one.

If you want to make out in front of everyone you know (or don't know), fine. If you feel the need to endlessly grope the object of your affections in public, well, no one can really stop you. As a pair of adults in the United States of Everybody Look At Me and How In Love I Am, that's your choice.

Just be aware that even though you think you look like this:





What you actually look like is this:




Get a room, you Christmas hams. Frick.

On a side note, could some dudes please explain to me why real live men are still dating (and engaging in endlessly nauseating PDA with) Paris Hilton when it is widely known that she is encrusted in the herp? I mean, I understand love makes you justify everything some person does, overlook things you otherwise never would in your right mind, and generally allow logic to go out the window. And I understand that guys really are amazing at turning off their brains if it means they might get some, but... really? Her boyfriend might as well stick his dick in bear trap and call it a day.

On another side note, could Heidi Montag possibly open her largemouth bass maw any wider? It's like a black hole spontaneously appears in my computer every time I see a picture of her insufferable ever-gaping face. But there's a good reason for all this, because it turns out she's actually a lesser demon composed entirely of silicone who uses her unnaturally wide stupid mouth to consume your soul and send you straight to hell. Here, allow me to demonstrate her true form that is revealed when she's not getting enough attention from her "candid" staged photos for the paparazzi:



If you look closely, you can actually see the dull, fiery red-as-sin glow in her eyes as she steals the soul of the poor unsuspecting child in the background. You've won this round you bleach-blonde harpies, but one day I, Van Chelsing, will vanquish you diseased curs back to the infernal pits of suffering from whence you came.

Oh yeah and it's my birthday tomorrow WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

Probably not! But I'm bored, and now that I've been using both for a while, I thought I'd put to rest the endless "Shampoo is better! / Conditioner is better!" maturity level war that I hear so often between their respective devotees. I sometimes hear people claim "Oh, Facebook/MySpace is SO much better", yet no one ever offers any justification for this statement. I guess it's supposed to be self-evident. Well, time to embark on one of my trademark pointlessly detailed blogs to discern the TRUE VICTOR.

Round 1: Least amount of random errors
Anyone who has used MySpace for more than 2 days should be very well acquainted with its endless "unexpected errors". I still see them quite a bit. Try to edit a calendar entry - ERROR! Try to log in - ERROR! Try to turn off your computer and sob face down on the floor in resignation - ERROR! Not that I haven't encountered my share of random errors on Facebook, because I most assuredly have. One time I tried to add a friend and she got like 10 friend requests from me in the same day, even though I only added her once. Then I got about 10 friend requests that same day from a friend who tried to add me. It was lame and made me look like an impatient turd. Which I am, but not when it comes to social netiquette. However, the sheer quantity of MySpace's hardly unexpected errors really tips the scale back to Facebook in this case.
Winner - Facebook

Round 2: Ease of adding/organizing photos
One of the central features of any narcissistic shrine to oneself such as a MySpace or Facebook page is the photo gallery. And frankly, Facebook's photo features and user interface are unintuitive and annoying. For the first few months of using FB, I had to Google for tutorials every time I wanted to add a new profile picture because I kept accidentally posting the pictures to my wall or some new album, which is pretty pathetic since as a web developer I consider myself a fairly web-savvy person and a far cry from your garden variety spyware-collecting AOL user. Also included among FB's offenses: 60 picture limit per album (Why? What purpose does this serve?), not letting you upload vertically long pictures beyond certain dimensions (such as my current MySpace default picture), forcing you to re-upload a picture to your Profile Pictures album instead of letting you just set an existing picture in another album as a profile picture, and the impossibility of re-arranging albums at will. Why can't I just drag and drop my albums to re-order them like I can on MySpace? It's such an obviously necessary feature. Instead, whichever album you most recently added a picture to gets placed first, so if you add new pics to an old album, they will all get out of order. Which irks weirdos like me. A lot. Everything... in its right... place.
Winner - MySpace

Round 3: Discouraging of obnoxious behavior such as friend collecting and spamming
Facebook came up with the brilliant idea of having different kinds of pages for groups that are not individuals, such as bands or organizations. So you don't "friend" Daft Punk; you become a fan of their page. And that curbs the urge to obsessively add every band in existence to boost one's friend count. In addition, FB does not have a tally of comments on one's page, nor does it keep track of profile views, with the end result being that it is less spammer/attention whore-friendly than MS. However, the existence of Pages means certain people think they need to become a fan of everything in existence -- food, sleep, money, breathing, not dying, explosive flatulence, you know... things everybody obviously likes. But I guess you can't win 'em all.
Winner - Facebook

Round 4: Overall ease of use and navigation
This is probably the center of FB's appeal. The entire site is very AJAXy. Less server postbacks = smoother/faster page loads all around for an overall polished experience. However, users cannot put HTML on their profiles like they can on MySpace. So you cannot really customize your site, add any color or cultivate your inner web designer at all. But what FB lacks in customizability, it makes up for in the absence of hideous flashing profile layouts and 15 auto-playing music videos blaring at you in unison. MySpace has made some good efforts recently to modernize its look with the 2.0 profile and ability to view "Lite" versions of others' pages that don't take as long to load, but FB's simple and clean UI is a hard act to follow.
Winner - Facebook

Round 5: Blogging
Unfortunately, this is where the whole "no usage data" policy on FB wears thin. It's useful to me to get information about daily, weekly and total views on my blog on MS. I can note spikes of activity and make a mental note that blogs about current events and/or farts always get a big THUMBS UP, or whatever. Because even when you lurkers refuse to comment my blog (omg... it's like you don't even care *sob*), I can still know that somebody's reading it, which makes me feel a little better about wasting my entire life writing this drivel. Then I go point in the mirror, wink and go "Hey, good lookin'. You've still got it." Note: I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Winner: MySpace

Anyway, I could probably find more points to compare the two on but I'm bored and thinking of a late night snack, so here's the final score:

MySpace - 2
Facebook - 3

Oh, shock and awe! Pretty sure I won't be deleting my myspaz over this, mainly because there are people who only have one and not the other. But it seems to me it's not the landslide everybody makes it out to be, and depending on what your goals are for a social networking service (or dating service as the case may be), MySpace could suit your needs a lot better than Facebook, or vice-versa. Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends.

And now, some random funny crap said by my family on mother's day.

Me: How are you doing?
Grandma: YES!


Me: So how do we get to Harry's house?
Grandma: He's going on a cruise.
Me: Cool, so how do we get to his house?
Grandma: I have to get his keys.
Kevin: *is driving up to the turn which is still about 20 feet away*
Grandma: THAT WAS THE TURN RIGHT THERE! Turn now!!!


Me: *sits in chair and turns on its massager* That feels pretty good.
Grandma: That's because it has a vibrator in it!
Everyone: *snort*
Grandma: I'd use a vibrator but it blows my back out.
Everyone: LOLZ


Dad: You could have ANY GUY YOU WANTED!
Me: ಠ_ಠ
(Note: Never in my entire life has any guy I was crushing on been interested in me, so to suggest that I somehow have my pick of the crop is lulzy indeed. Parental self-delusion seemingly knows no bounds)

So I don't know if you guys enjoy albums released with 15 variations, each with their own exclusive bonus tracks depending on where you bought it and increasing in price the more "special" the edition, anywhere near as much I do. I'm going to go ahead and guess "yes", because frankly, who doesn't appreciate the implication that you're supposed to buy all 15 versions of the album in order to have any chance of actually ending up with every track?

First off, there's the endearing practice that certain artists have of releasing an album, and then releasing it again shortly thereafter with a couple more new successful songs and calling it a collector's edition. You know, since they can't be bothered to wait until their next full album release to cash in on a couple new songs currently enjoying a brief stint in the Top 40, effectively screwing over all the real fans who bought the original on day 1 and expecting them to cough up the money for a nearly identical album all over again, just to make a quick buck.

Textbook example: Jessica Simpson's original release of In This Skin with 11 tracks, and the subsequent In This Skin: Collector's Edition released not even 7 months later with 3 extra tracks and footage of her failed marriage from Newlyweds. What a deal! I have to wonder what would push anyone to the masochistic act of purchasing this album even once, let alone twice, but apparently that's just what they expect you to do. You know, lots of artists go multiple years between major studio album releases, and surprisingly enough, their popularity doesn't diminish overnight. NIN took 6 long, painful years between The Fragile and With Teeth. If a musical artist has any established fanbase whatsoever, don't you think they could respect their biggest fans' loyalty and stop trying to make them re-buy the same stuff in a new palette-swapped package?

Secondly, you have cases like Chevelle's 2007 album, Vena Sera. The standard album comes with 11 tracks... but wait! If you pick up the Limited Collector's Edition, the album comes with two exclusive bonus tracks. Cool, so just get the collector's edition and no problem, right? Psyche, the iTunes version of Vena Sera has a different exclusive bonus track. And of course, the iTunes exclusive is "Album Only", so it is completely impossible to get all 14 Vena Sera tracks without buying the majority of the album twice. How quaint. Did it seriously occur to no one that some of us would like to have the option to purchase an "Actually Complete With All The Freaking Songs On It Edition"?

Thirdly, let's take a look at Depeche's Mode recently released new album, Sounds Of The Universe. All I can say is that you're going to have to take out a loan to purchase the OVER 9,000 versions of this offering if you want to have any chance of ending up with every song on the album. DM kicks off the fun by announcing three different basic versions on their website: the standard 13-track edition, a CD+DVD Deluxe Edition with three bonus tracks, and a Deluxe Box Set Edition with the three bonus tracks from the CD+DVD, plus 22 additional bonus tracks. And you can have that Deluxe Box Set for a low, low price of... $72.49 on Amazon. Wow. OK, that's a little steep (well, a LOT steep) but at least you know which one to get if you want the most complete version of SOTU, right? I mean, it's a Deluxe Box Set. Sounds pretty boxy. And deluxe. Oops, NOT RLY. Looks like iTunes is at it again, offering three MORE exclusive tracks on their iTunes Pass edition of SOTU. Album Only? You bet your sweet arse! That means that for a truly complete version of Sounds Of The Universe, you can expect to shell out no less than $72.49 for the "Deluxe" Box Set (deluxe, my foot) + $18.99 for the iTunes Pass edition = holy crap that's a lot of money for one album, which IMHO is not even all that magnificent. I mean, it's OK, but it's no Violator... it's not even a Playing The Angel. Sad times.

Oh, and speaking of quality deficiency, did I mention that "Ghost" and "Oh Well", two of arguably the strongest tracks on the album, are not on the album? Not if you buy the peon Affordable Edition ($9.99) known as the standard 13-track disc, and not even if you buy the pricier CD+DVD Marginally Better Edition ($16.99). You HAVE to buy the Almost-Deluxe Box Set for $NoFreakingWay dollars to get these tracks. Eff that noise. Seriously, what is the point of a two-disc deluxe edition when they can't even bother to put some of the best tracks on that ample second disc? How? WHY? Apparently the point is to make us completists utterly insane, and/or broke (or just resort to "alternate" methods of acquiring the elusive music... yarr, ye know what I be on about. Ahem).

You know, I have no problem supporting artists who actually do the kind thing (if not the most financially lucrative thing) and release one flipping edition of their album. And I don't mean emotional support via listing the band in my Music section on MySpace, spooning the album at night, etc. I mean with real live moneys. Perfect example -- NIN's most recent release, The Slip. You can download a high quality version of the entire album from its website. For free. No catch, no nothing. Just awesome. In appreciation of the generosity of this gesture, I opted to go buy a physical copy anyway, because that's how it should work. Don't tempt us with googleplex versions of one album, each more expensive and riddled with exclusive tracks than the last, and still somehow manage between all those editions not to put all the songs on one ever-loving disc. Even with NIN's release of Ghosts, which made my soul cry by being offered in four different editions (aside from the free preview download), at least contained the same 36 tracks, no matter what. If you wanted to pay extra for art books, Blu-Ray HD stereo versions of the album, and other goodies, then so be it, but none of the songs were locked away in the more expensive Ultra Mega Retarded Editions, teasing you from afar and playing hard to get. Which is a darn good thing, because NIN's discography contains numbered halos, for crying outloud. This kind of trend sets off my urge to obsessively collect like gangbusters.

Anyway, I'm not sure how to conclude this over-long rantfest, so let me just close by reiterating what's really important, which is that Jessica Simpson can't sing or dress herself, Depeche Mode is a completist's nightmare, and I need dinner. Later fools.

Awww, did I offend anyone? Darn, I really can't seem to care. I've ranted about the terrorist organization parading around under the guise of some kind of authority on ethics (I know, LOL!) known as PETA in the past, but I just read a news piece that makes me feel like getting a paint gun and going on a murderous paint-pelting rampage against every single PETA member alive.

According to this news story published today, Linda Brown is a dog breeder who Joe Biden opted to buy a puppy from. Sounds all happy, fuzzy, well and good, right? You'd think so, but unfortunately, doing absolutely anything that associates you with someone who spends as much time under the nation's collective microscope as the vice-president of the United States means you're bound to end up on the petri dish yourself. You can check the link for the details, but here's the relevant news excerpt:


In short, PETA decided to mobilize their special ops retard force on this poor woman for the ghastly and unacceptable act of... wait for it... breeding dogs. In the name of all that's sacred, take up your arms men; we have to stop her. Let's have her drawn and quartered for the despicable act of providing the Bidens with a happy, healthy purebred puppy.

Holy crap, is not the name of their latest pathetic would-be guilt trip ad alone enough to make you want to projectile vomit? "Buy One, Get One Killed"? Pukefest: engage. So according to PETA's usual brand of smug, hypocritical and condescending moral values, if you have the audacity to get that Labrador, Siamese or whatever else you've always wanted instead of opting for shelter animals 100% of the time, you are a murderer. Great. Isn't it fantastic how PETA has elected themselves judge, jury and executioner in regards to all issues even remotely related to whatever they construe (in their endearing distorted and absolutely logic-free way) as animal rights? And I'd especially like to stress the executioner part, seeing as how PETA regularly euthanizes over 90% of the animals brought to them by the public for adoption. Oops.

Hey PETA, here's a moral quandary for you... a riddle if you will. If buying a purebred pet instead of adopting a shelter animal makes me a murderer, does having your own kids instead of adopting one of the endless underprivileged orphans in the world make you a bunch of heartless pigs? These are not my actual views, but for the sake of argument, let's say yes, it does. In that case, every PETA member who has birthed their own biological children instead of adopting a child is clearly a selfish cur, contributing to overpopulation and numb to the suffering of existing parentless babies and kids, such as the 129,000 kids in foster care waiting for permanent homes in the US alone as of 2006. And I can just go ahead and say that, because if PETA is entitled to go around judging people's life choices left and right, then so am I. If you don't do everything I think you should do, then you are the scum of the earth! Or so PETA would like to have you think when it comes to their extremist beliefs on animal rights.

So how can PETA be so unbelievably morally bankrupt and still get so many new converts, so much financial support and general public acceptance? I'll tell you how: they cover up their terrorist mission statement with fluffy kittens and baby chicks, enlist a few celebrities to give it all a pretty face (e.g. Pamela Anderson, world class has-been rough-faced whore... even Shirley Manson and Trent Reznor have been swayed to the dark side... NOOOO ) and sell themselves to the uninformed masses as some kind of harmless pet lover's club. Apparently the majority of their happy followers don't ever read the holier-than-thou crapfest they post all over their websites on a regular basis. Or they do, and honestly believe that calling everyone who disagrees with them a murderer is a great way to win them over to PETA's precious misguided cause. Honestly, I cannot stress this enough: you cannot own pets and also support PETA. Given PETA's own self-professed vision of "total animal liberation" (read: no pets), such a position is logically and morally unconscionable. If you get nothing else from my bloggy fuming, please get this.

Anyway, I can't make them all the PETARDS get a clue, but all of you poor saps are about to get your face rocked with truth. I highly recommend all of the following vids and linkies. Some are more humorously irreverent than others, but all include a good old-fashioned dose of facts that the PETA set has clearly been missing out on.

http://www.petakillsanimals.com/
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sponsor
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=animals
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=eatme



And I'd like to close with some choice inspirational and moving quotes from prominent PETA members, supporters and propoganda material. Enjoy!

"We feel that animals have the same rights as retarded children."
-Alex Pacheco, Director, PETA, New York Times, January 14, 1989.

"The life of an ant and that of my child should be granted equal consideration."
-Michael W. Fox, Vice President, The Human Society of the United States, The Inhumane Society, New York, 1990.

"Surely there will be some nonhuman animals whose lives, by any standards, are more valuable than the lives of some humans."
-Peter Singer, Animal Liberation: A New Ethic for Our Treatment of Animals, 2nd edition, 1990.

Regan when asked which he would save a dog or a baby, if a boat capsized in the ocean: "If it were a retarded baby and a bright dog, I'd save the dog."
-Tom Regan, Q&A session following a speech, University of Wisconsin-Madison, October 27, 1989.

"To those people who say, ..My father is alive because of animal experimentation,' I say ..Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.' Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade off."
- Bill Maher, PETA celebrity spokesman

"If the death of one rat cured all diseases, it wouldn't make any difference to me."
-Chris De Rose, Director, Last Chance for Animals

"An animal experiment cannot be justifiable unless the experiment is so important that the use of a brain-damaged human would be justifiable."
-Peter Singer, Animal Liberation: A New Ethic for Our Treatment of Animals, 2nd. edition, 1990.

"If abandoning animal research means that there are some things we cannot learn, then so be it ... We have no basic right ... not to be harmed by those natural diseases we are heir to."
-Tom Regan, The Case for Animal Rights, 1983

"Six million Jews died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughter houses."
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, The Washington Post, November 13, 1983.
Pets

"I dont use the word "pet." I think its speciesist language. I prefer "companion animal." For one thing, we would no longer allow breeding. People could not create different breeds. There would be no pet shops. If people had companion animals in their homes, those animals would have to be refugees from the animal shelters and the streets. You would have a protective relationship with them just as you would with an orphaned child. But as the surplus of cats and dogs (artificially engineered by centuries of forced breeding) declined, eventually companion animals would be phased out, and we would return to a more symbiotic relationship enjoyment at a distance."
-Ingrid Newkirk, PETA vice-president, quoted in The Harper's Forum Book, Jack Hitt, ed., 1989, p.223.

"It is time we demand an end to the misguided and abusive concept of animal ownership. The first step on this long, but just, road would be ending the concept of pet ownership."
-Elliot Katz, President, In Defense of Animals, "In Defense of Animals," Spring 1997

"Liberating our language by eliminating the word 'pet' is the first step ... In an ideal society where all exploitation and oppression has been eliminated, it will be NJARA's policy to oppose the keeping of animals as 'pets.'"
-New Jersey Animal Rights Alliance, "Should Dogs Be Kept As Pets? NO!" Good Dog! February 1991, p.20

"Let us allow the dog to disappear from our brick and concrete jungles -- from our firesides, from the leather nooses and chains by which we enslave it."
-John Bryant, Fettered Kingdoms: An Examination of A Changing Ethic, PETA, 1982, p.15.

"The cat, like the dog, must disappear..... We should cut the domestic cat free from our dominance by neutering, neutering, and more neutering, until our pathetic version of the cat ceases to exist."
-John Bryant, Fettered Kingdoms: An Examination of a Changing Ethic, PETA 1982, p.15.

"As John Bryant has written in his book Fettered Kingdoms, they [pets] are like slaves, even if well-kept slaves."
-PETA's Statement on Companion Animals

"The bottom line is that people don't have the right to manipulate or to breed dogs and cats ... If people want toys they should buy inanimate objects. If they want companionship they should seek it with their own kind."
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, "Animals," May/June 1993

"You don't have to own squirrels and starlings to get enjoyment from them ... One day, we would like an end to pet shops and the breeding of animals. [Dogs] would pursue their natural lives in the wild ... they would have full lives, not wasting at home for someone to come home in the evening and pet them and then sit there and watch TV."
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, Chicago Daily Herald, March 1, 1990.

"Arson, property destruction, burglary and theft are 'acceptable crimes' when used for the animal cause."
-Alex Pacheco, Director, PETA

"I wish we all would get up and go into the labs and take the animals out or burn them down."
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, National Animal Rights Convention '97, June 27, 1997

"Get arrested. Destroy the property of those who torture animals. Liberate those animals interned in the hellholes our society tolerates."
-Jerry Vlasak, Animal Defense League, Internet post to AR Views list, June 21, 1996

"We have found that civil disobedience and direction action has been powerful in generating massive attention in our communities ... and has been very effective in traumatizing our targets."
-J.P. Goodwin, Committee to Abolish the Fur Trade, National Animal Rights Convention '97, June 27, 1997.

"In a war you have to take up arms and people will get killed, and I can support that kind of action by petrol bombing and bombs under cars, and probably at a later stage, the shooting of vivisectors on their doorsteps. It's a war, and there's no other way you can stop vivisectors."
-Tim Daley, British Animal Liberation Front Leader

And last but not least:

I was going to bulletin this as my usual lolpix of the day, but then found myself going full swing into Rant City and figured I'd just blog it:



I knew I couldn't be the only one sick to death of the whole "throw in talking animals, some dated pop culture references and no actual jokes that anyone over 5 will be able to tolerate" formula. But don't count this as a Dreamworks-bashing fest, since all of Pixar's movies (other than Toy Story, The Incredibles and WALL-E) are a collective smorgasbord of unfunny kiddie crap too.... mostly the ones straying too close to the "here's a bunch of talking CGI animals and lame jokes, now give us your money plz" thing (Ratatouille, Finding Nemo... I'm looking at you. Oh the fish said "Just keep swimming", LOLOLOL!! So FUNNAYYYY).

Note to Pixar and Dreamworks: the "breathtaking CGI" that all your fawning critics have been oohing and aahing over in recent memory may be enough to pull in families looking for something loud, shiny and brainless to babysit their kids for an hour and a half, but every movie has special effects these days, so they're really not all that special anymore. You are responsible in no small part for dumbing down the American movie-going populace into believing that enough CGI and C-list voice "talent" constitutes mind-blowing entertainment in and of itself. Please look into writing movies that adults won't fall asleep during, and acting like we're supposed to be endlessly captivated by obnoxious celebrity-voiced hyperactive dogs and cats over-emoting yet another predictable, humorless screenplay for all of eternity. KTHXBYE.

Did you know that Twitter is the third-largest social networking site behind MySpace (#2) and Facebook (#1)?

Did you know that the site is like MySpace or Facebook, if you removed everything but the stupid status updates section where boring people usually go to post about the trivial minutiae of their trivial lives?

Did you know that this is retarded and should not be possible? Yet it turns out that millions of people are just vain enough to believe that someone out there is dying to know that they just ate a bagel, are getting ready for work, and ran out of toothpaste.

I think this amusing video aptly sums up everything that's wrong with Twitter (or more specifically, with the people who actually make such a ridiculous concept succssful), so I'll just invite you to watch this first before I get my rant on:



Is this what "social networking" has become these days?

No need for any substantial blog content (all "tweets" are limited to 140 characters or less). Those take effort, intelligence, creativity, and a tangible thought process.

No desire for meaningful, funny or interesting status updates -- in fact, Twitter.com's "Why?" section actually ENCOURAGES you to post about the dumbest bullcrap possible:



Eating soup? Research shows you should try a hot, steaming bowl of STFU and stop broadcasting such utterly useless information to the world like we're supposed to give a rat's azz. Maybe you should encourage your mom to find something better to do than obsess over what you're eating like you're still a child. But I guess we're not exactly being led to believe that Twitter is for well-adjusted individuals who don't have some constant need for affirmation from the Internet.

Running late to a meeting? Why don't you try using your phone like a real human being? Yeah, I'm sure all the Fortune 500 companies have ditched Microsoft Outlook and their Blackberries for office communication and just check Twitter all day long at work. Very practical.

Partying? Yeah, your friends may want to join you. But that's not why you're posting on Twitter about it. If you really wanted a certain person at your party, you'd call them up and invite them to come. You're "tweeting" about it because you just want everyone to know how very in demand you are. Man, must be some great party if you have time to take a break with the cell phone or computer. "Be right back guys; gotta go update no one in particular about how righteous this party is. BUST OUT THE NEXT KEG BRAH!"

The appeal to people's nigh-universal sense of vanity is truly remarkable here. The fact that this site has somehow become wildly popular is proof positive of our culture's narcissistic trend of acting like celebrities when you are not. I mean, I will readily grant that there are truckloads of boring, silly people who would happily go to Twitter to read the mundane updates of celebrities so they can lap up the mediocrity, tilt their heads and go "Awww, they're JUST LIKE ME." No they're not you vapid ponce; they have millions of dollars, millions of fans and probably don't sit around at home pressing F5 all day on the Twitter account of that really hot actor they're mindlessly obsessed with. You are not that special, you are not a celebrity and nobody cares that you just bought some groceries at the grocery store.

Personally, I make it a point to delete people off Facebook/MySpace who insist on posting 5,000 bulletins or stupid status updates about what they just ate or how they are getting ready for bed. I DON'T CARE. You are clogging up the intertubes with all your crap and taking space away from other friends of mine who may actually be posting something that has a point.

I kind of long for the days when sites like Xanga and Livejournal were all the rage, because they encouraged you to actually sit down and write something. The emphasis wasn't on a bunch of pictures, songs and idiotic status updates. It was about the content. But content has taken a back seat these days to more brainless filler as many people don't even bother to write a single blessed thing about themselves on their MySpace or Facebook profiles, opting instead for shallow fluff about their favorite movies and bands or littering their page with a landfill of self-taken, meticulously angled bathroom pics. And blogs? Out of the question. Once in a blue moon you might get the "I GOT ENGAGED" or "I'M GOING ON VACATION TO (INSERT TYPICAL EXOTIC LOCALE HERE)", since marital status, pregnancies and vacations are apparently the only topics in people's lives that they can manage to write more than 140 characters about (and even those are usually accompanied by 140 pictures to make up for the author's inability to be interesting in their own right).

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I kinda hate sites like Twitter for condoning and enabling this pointless, self-glorifying focus on the trivial. Twitter's "How does it work?" section states that the point of the site is to "stay hyper-connected and always know what they're doing." OK, Big Brother. Thanks for doing your part to put the seal of approval on every attention whore of America by letting us know that having talent or a point behind one's updates is totally optional, while simultaneously putting the nails in the coffin of interesting, lengthy user-generated content that requires you to use more than the two neurons in your brain that it takes to update the world about how you are now running a load of laundry.

I got your status update right here, Twitter:

I just stumbled across the highly amusing products of Anne Taintor and have been terribly pleased by how well they instantly resonated with me. You know, 'cause me so snarky.

Just had to share my favorites here. There are plenty more to bring the funny if anyone is so inclined to czech it out.

Some of you may recall my Halloween hairstyle/interrogation retard romp from 2007. As you all should now be aware, there's little I enjoy more than being stuck in a chair and then subjected to someone babbling on and on about how I needed to find a man and completely ignoring my repeated claims that I am happiest as an independent, unfettered single woman. But somehow I never got around to mentioning that I had an almost identical experience while getting my hair did for Halloween in 2008. After having my memory jogged by the book I am currently reading, I thought I'd gather you all 'round the campfire for another terrifying look into the pitiful, pathetic life of me.... THE THING THAT DIDN'T WANT MARRIAGE OR CHILDREN!!

So. Last year I had an appointment to get my hair highlighted with foils for the first time for 'ween. All started off well enough. Once again, the lady doing my hair felt the need to regale me with a bunch of rambling, only instead of it being about her boyfriend or how much I needed to get one, this time I was treated to the sort of non-stop pointless train of words about children that only the most oblivious parents can generate. My daughter's hair is this color! And my other daughter has a boyfriend! And they're going to college! Oh, BLESSED BE! What on earth did you talk about before having kids, lady? Anyway, I smiled, nodded, went "mmhmm" at those rare moments when she paused to breathe, and basically tuned it out. She was doing a fine job with mah hurr so who cares if she wants to yammer on about her offspring as most parents tend to do, right?

Well, then it happened. She launched into a story about how for St. Patrick's Day, her single friend had called her up and invited her out to a party. You could practically taste the smugness rolling off her tongue as she proudly recalled her reply to this friend: "Why would I want to go out and drink green beer with her?! I have kids. I have a LIFE."

Oh, up yours. UUUUUUUUUUUP YOURS.

Yes, God forbid your friend should have the thoughtfulness to call you up, innocently invite you to consider exiting your house on a holiday and engage in a social event with other humans outside your family. You're much too busy worrying about your two GROWN CHILDREN who (as far as I could gather while almost falling unconscious from the burden of listening to her boring stories) don't even live at home with you anymore. Anyone who's so desperate as to go to a St. Patrick's Day party on St. Patrick's Day obviously amounts to some kind of outcast freakish loser with no life. In fact, anyone who's not safely sequestered away at home, buried in a pile of babies, is also a textbook no-lifer. Woe to her and everyone else who has not yet discovered reproduction -- the greatest calling, nay, the ONLY calling of anyone who would dare call themselves a responsible, upstanding citizen with a certifiable Life®.

Anyway, after that moment I found it difficult to disguise my disgust. "Well, at least she asked if you wanted to come," I gritted through my teeth. She seemed to sense I was not pleased with her "kids = a life" attitude. In any case, the point is that this less than subtle disdain towards people who don't toe the line, get married and make babies like everybody else is much more prevalent than the average person may notice. I'm not sure why she somehow assumed that I would immediately identify with her domestic mentality and join in on the whole "let's sit around congratulating each other on being better than everyone else" thing. I can only guess that perhaps she usually gets that gratifying confirmation she was looking for.

Again, I feel the need to point out here that I don't care one way or another if a couple chooses to have kids. It's not my life and ultimately it doesn't affect me. What does affect and greatly annoy me, however, are people who have the gall to go around trumpeting about how incomparably fantastic and fulfilling their choices are, while simultaneously writing off the choices of anyone who does something different with their life as worthless, laughable and pathetic. I don't go up to women with kids and tell them they have no life, so why is it even remotely acceptable, let alone expected, for someone to think they have the right to go mouthing off to anyone who will listen about how the effortless act of getting married or having a kid is equivalent to a worthwhile life? There's a lot of things in life that I think are much better indicators of possible life deficiency than marital or parental status. Like, I don't know, having the world's largest booger collection, or being able to fart the national anthem. Maybe? Well, the anthem farting might be a little (OK, a LOT) impressive, but still.

Maybe someone should connect me with a mute hairdresser so I don't end up just slapping a bish.

I got the following bizarre message from some random guy about a week ago. After reading it I spent about 10 seconds trying to figure out if he was complimenting me or just being unnecessarily condescending, and ultimately concluded that I don't care. GREAT! Anyway, since he asked a bunch of weird questions, I guess that means it's time to provide some friggin' sweet answers. His message in bold; my answers in uh, not-bold.

Hello, this is fucking sweet. I clicked on your page via a person I know and have been laffing my ass off at how funny/crazy your are. Here is some non grammatical feed back I would like to give for no particular reason only to somehow give myself closure for the last half hour of my life I've used/wasted enjoy!

Questions about your ramblings first.
1. What are 5$ vocab words?
Pretty much any word the average person never uses in normal conversation because it is multisyllabic or obscure. Such as one of my favorite words: "esoteric", which itself is somewhat esoteric. Or "sacrilegious", which is spelled totally counter-intuitively and does not mean what most people think it means. I love language and learning new words. Many people stop caring about vocabulary, grammar and spelling outside of English class. It's a darn shame.
2. What are BBW's?
Along the same lines as a PC term such as "vertically challenged", but for weight instead of height.
3. Why do you sound like a smoker?
I don't know, what does a smoker sound like? Other than Stephen Hawking after they get their voice box removed due to cancer and have to talk with a voice synthesizer. Not sure what would make me "sound like a smoker" when I said I don't smoke and have written entire posts about how much I despise it.
4. Have you ever read the book American Psycho? Plz never quote the movie again thanks.
No, I have not read the book. I take it you are referring to my recent post which contained excerpts from the movie's screenplay. In light of the fact that I made no mention of the book or its quality, and didn't do what everyone does by saying "OMFG THE MOVIE SUCKS FAT DONGS COMPARED TO THE BOOK", I would like to cordially invite you to STFU. This is my blog so plz never tell me what to write in it again, thanks.
Things I enjoyed about your ranting.
1. The metric system joke in your blog was hilarious.
Neat.
2. You like John Candy and Arnold.
Arnold who? The Governator? Yes. Did you ever notice he had no eyebrows in Terminator 1? Freaked me out. Anyway, since I put a couple John Candy movies in my "favorite movies" section, I guess this is where I award you DETECTIVE OF THE YEAR for your keen observational skills.
3. Family guy and Simpsons references pretty much on the money.
Cool.
4. Commie + google was the best blog i've ever read while having a negative expectation on the outcome.
I realized the title was misleading. I actually like "the Googs" and use it every day. I mean isn't everyone gaga for Googs? Am I still the only one using that nickname? OK. Anyway, almost all of my posts have a facetious undertone which a lot of people enjoy not picking up on. Maybe that's my fault as a writer, but yeah, I do not really think the Google corporation is a communist entity. Glad this did not prevent some people from liking the bloggggg.
5. Reading about you failing at various things and being just smart enough to realize it.
Thanks? I guess. Glad my conscious failures are a fountain of mirth.

3 quick questions
What were your favortie nintendo games?
Tough question. I've played so many endearing, challenging, innovative and engrossing titles which do not get the accolades and cultural recognition they deserve the way books or movies do. It's hard to choose just a few but I think the games that really stand out in my mind the most as eye-opening experiences that completely changed my idea of what entertainment could be like were Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, Metroid Prime, Super Mario 64,  The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.
Why the fuck do you like the new batman movies?
Because they are really, really good. The acting, casting, screenplay, action sequences, CGI, costumes and stories were all superb -- this day and age you're lucky if you can get even a couple of those right in the same movie, yet Batman Begins and The Dark Knight had them all. What's not to like? And coming from me, a person who hates (like, foaming at the mouth hates) almost every movie coming out in theaters these days and doesn't just blindly run out to see whatever is now showing, that might say something.

As an aside, I couldn't help but notice that you have a picture in one of your albums of Jack Nicholson in Tim Burton's "Batman" with the caption "The Real JOKER!!!! FUCK THE BASTARD CHILD OF HOT TOPIC AND THE CROW!". Wow. Really? Hey, I liked the old Batman too (at least the first one; the sequels after that were absolutely godawful and have no redeeming value whatesoever), but maybe if you weren't stuck at the corner of Your Precious Childhood Memories Lane in Nostalgiatown you'd realize that Tim Burton's version isn't the be-all and end-all of all things Batman. Batman has always been one of my favorite characters, and in light of how the Batman franchise was essentially p*ssed all over in Batman Forever, Batman & Robin and every other installment in the series after the first "Batman", I think it's about time a capable director such as Christopher Nolan stepped in to re-imagine the series, take it in a new direction and make Batman likeable again. Besides, Jack Nicholson is probably over 9,000 years old so I think it's more than fair that someone else got the chance to pick up the crazy where he left off and make it their own.
Where would you rather grab a bag of popcorn and people watch at, Walmart or Hot Topic?
I love people-watching, and as far as I'm concerned you can get an eyeful of weirdos anywhere you go. Hot Topic tends to attract a certain kind of weirdo though; we all know what goths look like and I've seen plenty. What frightens me far more than fishnets and guyliner is the sight of a herd of moms pushing their cart full of screaming kids around, yelling at them to put back the Oreos and going off on hapless cashiers for not giving them a discount on plus-size pants. So Walmart it is!
Thanks for Making your page public. It was fucking hilarious. Your crazy as shit its refreshing.
Again, not sure it's a compliment to be considered crazy, but you're welcome? I don't get the whole "private page" trend anymore (oh no, now the internet will never find out that you like "John and Kate Plus 8", the band Tool and/or that you are a tool, you showed them), so my shiz is publicized.

I believe my feelings would be best expressed in monologues from American Psycho and The Departed, two movies that overall do not rank among my favorites yet contained some poignant excerpted reflections on the motivations behind relationships.
/Mary Catherine Gallagher

American Psycho
Craig McDermott: If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who fucking cares?
Patrick Bateman: Well, let's just say hypothetically OK? What if they have a great personality?
[pause, all laugh]
Patrick Bateman: I know, I know.
[all in unison]
Patrick Bateman, Craig McDermott, David Van Patten: There are no girls with good personalities!
[all laugh and high-five each other]
David Van Patten: A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut.
Craig McDermott: The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks.
David Van Patten: Absolutely.
Craig McDermott: And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unattractive they are.

----

The Departed
Ellerby: How is your wedding coming along?
Colin Sullivan: Great, great; she's a doctor.
Ellerby: That's outstanding.
Colin Sullivan: Yeah.
Ellerby: Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work.
[Laughs]
Colin Sullivan: [Laughing] Yeah, it's working... overtime!
Ellerby: I'm glad to hear that.
Colin Sullivan: Yeah... thank you.

A few days ago I saw this link on Google's home page to their annual competition, "Doodle 4 Google", for kids to come up with a winning "doodle" (you know, the artistic variations of the Google logo on Google's homepage, usually corresponding to holidays or celebrity birthdays). Must be great having acquired such a phenomenal level of brand worship. Anyway, what caught my eye was the examples that Google provided as answers to their current theme, "What I Wish For The World":



I think the best possible message we could send to the youth of America is that no one should ever be required to work or pay for anything. Why should I have to pay for my college education? It's not like the professors at my university went to school for years to earn their master's degree and deserve to be compensated as such. Let's make them all get paid the same as teachers of public school, who as we all know are completely satisfied with their salaries. And it's also a really good idea for people not to have to earn or work for anything. Despite the fact that student loans make a college education readily available to anyone willing to get a job and pay them back, therefore resulting in a stable and fair system that anyone can already partake in, let's just do away with that entirely because university professors and staff should be the ones making all the financial sacrifices, not me.

Same goes for health insurance, obviously, even though anyone with a half-decent job should already have it through their work. Who cares if I'm an able-bodied person and could easily be looking for a better job if mine is a piece of crap? Or that millions of people smoke, eat garbage, and do tons of other really great things to their bodies? You should have to pay for all of their self-inflicted health problems, not them. And why stop there? Why should I have to pay for my house, or car? I think the government should give me those too. Because if the government provides me with something, that means it's free! Sure, millions of taxpayers will have to foot the bill for something I could have easily purchased myself given enough time and responsible financial habits. But you're all missing the point. Not everyone can be bothered with "getting a job" or "making any meaningful contributions to society", but sweet houses and luxurious sports cars are everyone's inalienable rights. As is the litter of children I'm entitled to as the proud owner of a functional uterus. All those other boring details like whether I could independently support 18 kids are completely irrelevant. I mean, just look at our current property tax system. I don't have any children, yet I pay the same property tax as a neighbor with 10 kids would, which goes towards funding to support public schools that I will never use. And if that's not fair, then I don't know what is.

And don't forget my free cell phone and computer, so I can join every social network and be available 24/7 to everyone in the world at any given time. Because me having a computer isn't a privilege -- it's a right. Where would the world be without my everloving MySpace? How can we sleep at night knowing there are still people in the world who do not yet have a Facebook account? YOU VICIOUS ANIMALS.

Well, I'm going to go use my magical Google Plant2Electricity® generator now to get some free heat and light. Man, I sure am glad someone came up with the idea of using, say, oxygen-generating azalea bushes for energy instead of, I don't know, dog poop. Frankly, we need to come up with more reasons to destroy the environment to satisfy our own personal desires. And I need all the dog poop laying around that I can get.

Anyway, as you can see I was truly inspired by Google's bright ideas, so with that I'd like to present my entry doodle of what I want for the world. TA-DAAAA



I hope you all enjoyed my Doodle4Google, comrades. I know I enjoy Google's insistence on using numbers for words. He was a sk8r boi, she said see you l8r boi.